(“Now, Demian! Use the muscle-spasm death touch that I taught you!”)

Demian Maia‘s welterweight debut at UFC 148 was over before it really began, thanks to a poorly timed muscle spasm suffered by Dong Hyun Kim. But the former middleweight title contender will be getting another chance to make an impression against Rick Story. Their bout is scheduled to take place at UFC 153 (October 13th, Rio de Janeiro), a card that is quickly stacking up with top Brazilian talent. Story recently outpointed newcomer Brock Jardine at UFC on FX: Maynard vs. Guida, which snapped a two-fight losing streak against Charlie Brenneman and Martin Kampmann.

Speaking of Brenneman, “The Spaniard” has booked his return fight after being choked out by Erick Silva in June. He’ll be appearing at UFC 151: Jones vs. Henderson (September 1st, Las Vegas) against TUF 11 competitor — and former Crocodile Hunter bodyguard — Kyle Noke, who is coming off of two losses at middleweight and will be making his welterweight debut.

In other booking news…

(NOW we get why Kyle’s friends often refer to him as “The Poke” Noke.) 

After collecting three straight stoppage victories in as many UFC contests, EliteXC and TUF 11 veteran Kyle Noke was quickly building up a reputation as one of the top up-and-comers in the middleweight division. Being one of the few successful Australian fighters to grace the UFC (sorry, Elvis), Noke carried a bit more pressure on his shoulders than the average TUF alum, especially when heading into his UFC Live 5 match against resurgent TUF 3 veteran Ed Herman. Unfortunately Noke (and therefore the Australian MMA community), would fall to a first round heel hook in that fight, placing all Aussie UFC hopes in the hands of a man nicknamed after an animal relative to Africa.

But fret not, ye Fosters enthusiasts, for Noke’s path to redemption will begin in the land from which he was birthed. Yes, “KO” recently announced that he will be taking on Jared Hamman at UFC on FX 2, which goes down at the Allphones Arena in Sydney, Australia. Hamman, whom we will forever be in debt to for knocking CB Dolloway out of the UFC, will also be looking to build up a win streak; he was most recently flattened in the first round by Constantinos Philippou at UFC 140. This match has yet to be confirmed by the UFC.

Join us after the jump for some juicy featherweight and bantamweight gossip…

When we watched this video, we lost The Game. VidProps: PanicPulse/YouTube

Ed “Short Fuse” Herman impressed some of us last night when he went all Paul Harris on poor Kyle Noke, catching Noke with a heel hook and torquing that motherlover until Mario Yamasaki noticed Noke’s “owwie” face and tap simultaneously, stopping it with a minute left in the first round. No official word yet, but expect Noke to be walking gingerly for the next few weeks.

If you’re not familiar with the much-feared heel hook, take a quick peep at this video where the lovely Joanne Spracklen demonstrates the mechanics, and keep in mind that the twisting action at the heel puts a lot of strain on the knee of that leg. And when we say “a lot of strain”, we mean that ligaments pop and tissues tear when you start cranking on this.

Joanne illustrates the standard heel hook, whereas Herman pulled off the inverted variety, moving Noke’s leg to the other side of his hips and twisting the toes out away from the body; the effects are every bit as devastating.

Do NOT try this at home. Seriously, people talk about how kids are resilient and can bounce back from anything, but surgery on knee ligaments will slow even the best of them way down.

Plus, i’m being told that mine is past the manufacturer’s warranty period, and now i have to pay out of pocket to get him fixed. And that’s why we can’t have nice things.

[RX]

I’m not going near this caption. If you want one, you supply it.

It took nearly two years for Ed Herman to bounce back from the knee injury he sustained in his loss to Aaron Simpson, but following his KO win over Tim Credeur last month he’ll return to the cage in short order. The UFC has announced that “Short Fuse” will step up to replace the injured Tom Lawlor at next month’s “UFC Live: Hardy vs. Lytle”.

Standing across the cage from Herman will be fellow TUF alumnus Kyle Noke. The Australian is on a five-fight tear, stopping all three of his UFC opponents and handing two their walking papers in the process. While Herman was undoubtedly happy with the quick return to the win column against Credeur, we’ll see if 48-seconds was enough to shake off two years of ring rust. This fight will tip Herman toward a winning or losing UFC record; he is currently perched at an uncomfortable 5-5 in his Zuffa career.

Rather than sit out for seven months waiting for his May 14 non-title bout against Falaniko Vitale, Bellator middleweight champion Hector Lombard will look to defend his other strap later this month in Australia. The highly-touted 27-2 middleweight fighter, will defend his Cage Fighting Championship 185-pound title against UFC and WEC veteran Joe Doerksen Down Under at CFC 16 at Big Top Luna Park in Sydney March 25.

Born in Cuba, Lombard resided in Australia for several years after defecting from the communist country following the 2000 Sydney Olympics. 20 of his 27 wins have come by finish including his record-setting six-second knockout of Jay Silva that earned him the fastest KO in Bellator history. The ATT-trained fighter has not lost since 2006 when he dropped a unanimous decision to Gegard Mousasi at PRIDE Bushido 13 and has never lost a fight in Australia. The closest he came was a draw to Kyle Noke in the inaugural CFC show in 2007. Soon after the fight with Noke, Lombard, who was then a welterweight, was signed by the UFC and was slated to take on Karo Parisyan at UFC 78. Visa issues forced Lombard off the card and prompted the UFC to tear up his contract.

You already know that Court McGee vs. Kris McCray will be the co-headliner at next Saturday’s TUF 11 Finale show (Spike TV, 9 p.m. ET/PT), and we also told you that Rich Attonito won the "who gets to kick Jamie Yager’s ass" sweepstakes. So who else will join them at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas? Spike has confirmed the following bouts for the event…

Josh Bryant vs. Kyle Noke: No, Bryant won’t be facing off with fellow semi-finalist Brad Tavares in a third-place match. Instead, he has drawn Kyle Noke, the Australian veteran who was upset by Kris McCray in the TUF 11 quarterfinals.

Brad Tavares vs. Seth Baczynski: You see what they did there? Tavares and Baczynski get to have a rematch after their quarterfinal match ended abruptly via soccer kick disqualification.

(Gif of Tavares getting kicked in the "chest," courtesy of smoogy.)

Kris McCray vs. Kyle Noke. Brad Tavares vs. Seth Baczynski. Tito Ortiz vs. Everyone’s Patience. Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter was a wall-to-wall struggle. Here’s what happened.

After Team Liddell’s Court McGee became the first TUF 11 semi-finalist, following his submission of James Hammortree, it’s time for two more quarterfinal matches. First up is Kris McCray vs. Kyle Noke, two guys who used to be training partners. Dana White cares not for your personal relationships: "One of the things I want these guys to learn early? There are no friends in the UFC."

Tito Ortiz might be looking at neck surgery. There’s a disc pressing on his spinal cord, which is causing numbness in his legs and daily headaches, among other symptoms. He’s not going to let Chuck beat him because he wasn’t 100%. Instead of fighting injured and jeopardizing his health, he wants to get this taken care of. It’s basically the same story we heard last week from Nick Ring, who by the way, is out of the competition for one day and already has a full-on Freddie Mercury ‘stache.

Noke has two inches in height, 4.5 inches in reach, and a hell of a lot more fights under his belt than McCray. It’s time to bang.

("FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-")

After last week’s battle royale, we’re left with 14 middleweight hopefuls, who run up in the TUF house like speed-freaks in a blackout. Is it just me, or is the house nicer than usual this year? It looks like somebody’s actual home, not a reality show barracks. Where are the TapouT bunk beds? Man, is it going to be sweet when they wreck the place.

Not all the fighters survived their qualifying fights completely intact. Chris Camozzi is dealing with a mouth infection from a broken tooth and Clayton McKinney is nursing a jacked shoulder.

It’s time to choose teams, and the coin toss goes Tito Ortiz‘s way. He opts to take the first fighter, which will allow Chuck Liddell to pick the first matchup. The picks go down like this…

Team Punishment: Nick "The Cock" Ring, Kyacey Uscola, Kris McCray, Jamie Yager, James "The Ball Peen" Hammortree, Clayton McKinney, Chris Camozzi
Team Liddell: Kyle Noke, Rich Attonito, Charles Blanchard, Josh Bryant, Brad Tavares, Court McGee, Joe Henle