(“HYPOGONADISM BITCH, ALL DAY!” / Photo via Esther Lin @ MMAFighting)

Though his job appeared to be safe following his UFC 157 decision loss to Brendan Schaub, pissing dirty for steroids turned out to be the kiss of death for heavyweight Lavar “Big” Johnson. In light of his failed drug test, Johnson has been cut by the UFC. In addition, the California State Athletic Commission has hit him with a nine-month suspension, as well as a fine of “around $1,250″ that reflects the cost of the two tests the CSAC used for his drug screening.

MMAJunkie adds some more surprising details about what led to Johnson’s PED bust:

An elevated testestosterone-to-epitestosterone (T/E) ratio of 6.6-to-1 triggered a carbon isotope ratio (CIR) test that confirmed Johnson had testosterone in his system that was “was consistent with the administration of a steroid.” Johnson, though, admitted he was undergoing testosterone replacement therapy in a recent conversation with the California State Athletic Commission, which oversaw the Feb. 23 pay-per-view event at Honda Center in Anaheim, Calif., and suspended him based on the results of his test. Johnson failed to disclose TRT on a pre-fight medical questionnaire. A rep for AKA said the fighter may seek an exemption for the treatment.

Here’s how you know TRT is nothing more than a bullshit cheating-method — when a dude who looks like this claims to need it, and then avoids mentioning it during his pre-fight medicals. Ah well. You can’t say the UFC didn’t warn you. In other UFC drug-bust aftermath news…

(Image via Esther Lin/MMAFighting.com)

UFC heavyweight Lavar Johnson — who directly inspired our “Will You Be Fired…” flowchart by not getting fired following his UFC 157 loss to Brendan Schaub — caught a bit of bad news yesterday. The California State Athletic Commission revealed (via MMAJunkie) that Johnson’s post-fight drug test at the February 23rd event was flagged for elevated levels of testosterone. A follow-up carbon isotope ratio test “confirmed the testosterone was consistent with the administration of a steroid.”

No word yet on what that steroid was specifically or how high his T-levels were, but damn Lavar, you in troubllllllle. A suspension and fine are likely imminent, and the failed test could eliminate the good-will that Johnson has built up with his employers by always coming to bang.

It’s also noteworthy that Johnson’s drug test involved a carbon isotope ratio test, which “examines the atomic make-up of testosterone in the urine to determine if it is natural or synthetic.” The UFC has drawn some criticism in the past for not using this effective method of catching cheaters. Is the promotion about to get tougher in its anti-doping efforts? And could this be related to Dana White’s recent vow to “test the [expletive]” out of TRT abusers? We’ll update you when we know more…

(Yes, Brendan. You certainly *are* a stinker. Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting.com)

With their talent roster about 100 bodies over-budget, the UFC has had to make some hard decisions lately. Every fighter who doesn’t win impressively, or lose really impressively, is potentially on the chopping block. Which is why it surprised me today to see that Lavar Johnson will be keeping his spot in the UFC heavyweight division despite suffering his second consecutive loss against Brendan Schaub at UFC 157.

As we all know, Johnson loves to stand and bang. Unfortunately, he didn’t get much opportunity to do either against Schaub, who repeatedly took Johnson down and laid on top of him. The ease with which Schaub executed this “cerebral” game plan suggested that perhaps Johnson wasn’t aware that takedowns would even be allowed in the match. When the dust had settled, Schaub had won ugly, and Johnson had lost uglier.

So why is Lavar keeping his job, when so many others have been cut loose? There are countless factors involved in the UFC’s firing policy these days, so we tried to make some sense of it by putting it into flowchart form. Click the image below to enlarge. We hope this can be of service.

(BG)

(Brendan Schaub and the always-relevant MC Hammer. / Photo via Brendan’s Facebook page)

UFC heavyweights Brendan Schaub and Lavar Johnson were originally scheduled to bang on the UFC on FOX 5 preliminary card over the weekend, until an ill-timed groin-pull* forced Johnson to withdraw less than two weeks out from the fight. As a result, Schaub was removed from the lineup entirely. Fortunately, they just got their do-over date.

According to MMAJunkie, Schaub vs. Johnson will now take place at UFC 157: Rousey vs. Carmouche, February 23rd in Anaheim. No word yet on if the match will be part of the main card or if it’ll be re-slated for the prelims — but with supporting bouts already in place between Dan Henderson and Lyoto Machida, and Urijah Faber vs. Ivan Menjivar, the UFC’s historic ladies’ night is shaping up to be a can’t-miss event. (For the record, Hendo says his knee is fine and he’ll be ready to roll.)

* Are groin-pulls ever correctly timed? I guess not, huh.

(So tell us more about this “pulled groin,” Lavar… / Photo via Maxim)

Just nine days out from UFC on FOX 5, the UFC confirmed last night that heavyweight slugger Lavar Johnson has withdrawn from his prelim meeting with Brendan Schaub due to a pulled groin. As a result, Schaub has also been removed from the card, and will not face a replacement opponent. “Frustrated would be an understatement..back to the gym,” Schaub tweeted after the news broke. The TUF 10 finalist has been inactive since April, and has lost his last two fights by knockout.

No word yet on the return dates for either fighter, or which Facebook match could potentially replace them on the FX broadcast. We’ll update you when we know more. Though the Johnson/Schaub fight was the card’s most likely candidate for a grisly knockout, UFC on FOX 5 is still loaded with the lightweight title fight between Ben Henderson and Nate Diaz, Mauricio Rua vs. Alexander Gustafsson, and Motivated Penn vs. Rory MacDonald.

Look, we here at CagePotato can’t exactly claim to be the most up-to-date, unbiased, or even grammatically correct MMA website out there. Not that we’d want to, because that shit is for nerds anyway *high fives other members of the cool kid’s table*. But if there’s one thing we are good at, it’s bringing you, our readers, the latest in hot chicks and ring girl-related goodness, be it photos, videos, or arrest reports. We even have a little tab devoted to our shameless gawking of these hotties located at the top of the page. Go ahead. Click it. You know you want to.

But every so often, Arianny takes a week off from working the graveyard shift, or Brittney strips down and locks herself in her room until she finishes her latest tribute to Jimi Hendrix, leaving us with little “hot chick tenuously connected to MMA” content to bring you. Thankfully, there are women like Caitlin O’Connor who actually reach out to us for the chance to be featured on our Paddy’s Pub Billboard of sorts. And while Caitlin’s only involvement in the sport of MMA may be the pair of 4 ounce gloves she strapped on for a recent shoot with Lavar Johnson (photos inside), that’s good enough for us damn it!

So check out the absolute best photos of Caitlin in our time-tested gallery after the jump, then hit Caitlin up on her Twitter, because we’re positive that a girl who looks as good as this is just waiting for an internet love connection. Also, make sure to pick up the December issue of Maxim when it hit stands, as it will feature both Ms. O’Connor and a certain mug that you’ll probably recognize.

-J. Jones

(“Dilegua, o notte! Tramontate, stelle! Tramontate, stelle! All’alba vincerò! Vincerò, vincerò!”)

With Brendan Schaub riding back-to-back first-round knockout losses against Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Ben Rothwell, you’d think the UFC would want to set him up with an opponent who was less likely to leave him staring up at the lights. Bro, not so much. The UFC has confirmed that Schaub will return to the cage on the star-packed UFC on FOX 5: Henderson vs. Diaz card (December 8th, Seattle) against heavyweight knockout artist Lavar Johnson.

Johnson most recently suffered his first loss in the UFC when he was quickly armbarred by Stefan Struve at UFC 146, but that loss followed a pair of stunning first-round knockout victories against Joey Beltran and Pat Barry. While Brendan Schaub may carry a slightly more varied arsenal than Johnson, Schaub’s main weakness (his chin) matches up terribly with Johnson’s main strength (his big-ass fists). And the Hybrid needs to find a solution to that problem, because a third straight KO loss could mean the end of the line for his UFC run.

In other UFC on FOX 5 news…

(And to think that all “Bigfoot” did was ask Arianny for a hug. Image courtesy of Fightcove.) 

UFC 146′s all-heavyweight lineup promised to deliver the violence, and sweet baby Jesus did it ever. We were treated to five finishes in five fights on the main card alone, including what was initially labeled as a broken arm on Lavar Johnson’s part, as well as the above mutilation of Antonio Silva, which more closely resembles a scene from Saw movie (specifically, the pig soup sequence from the third installment) than anything else. But perhaps the most surprising of suspensions to come as a result of Saturday’s action were that of Cain Velasquez and Jamie Varner, whom, despite earning quick and violent finishes against Silva and Edson Barboza, respectively, could be looking at up to six months out of action pending x-rays of their hands. That’s some shit luck for Velasquez, who Dana White pegged as the probable number one contender (in Ubereem’s absence, of course) following his victory.

Though it appears that “Big” Johnson’s arm was not actually broken in the first round of his PPV lead-off scrap with Stefan Struve, he will need to have his elbow cleared by an orthopedist before he can return to action, and is looking at a minimum suspension of just over a month regardless.

Check out the full list of suspensions after the jump. 

By Elias Cepeda

Props: MMAFighting.com

Junior dos Santos is a walking, terrifying public relations smashing machine. Not only did he Babe Ruth it and fulfill his prediction of winning by 2nd round stoppage over former two-time champion Frank Mir Saturday night, but he also provided the best feel-good photo op of the year so far.

Junior trains out of Luis Carlos Dorea’s Champion Boxing gym in Brazil which, in addition to being headquarters for world-class fighters, is home to a vibrant youth boxing program. After training one day, the UFC Primetime cameras caught one of the little tikes hanging asking Junior to take him with him to the states for his title fight.

At the time, Junior said, “we’ll see.” But he ended up bringing the 9 year-old kid and his family to Vegas to watch him win. After beating Mir, he lifted the lucky young fighter onto his shoulders and posed for the cameras along with his coaches.

Dos Santos definitely appears to have the Wanderlei Silva nice guy/maniac fighter balance down pat. Try as I might, that image warms my cynical heart, and I don’t give a damn how orchestrated it may or may not have been. Who doesn’t like watching a kid’s dream come true before their eyes?

(Damn, Junior…give away your gameplan much? / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.com)

After a preliminary card dominated by relatively normal-sized men — borrrrring! — we’ve finally arrived at tonight’s central theme: Big sons-of-bitches. That’s right, UFC 146‘s main card features five consecutive heavyweight fights, most of which look pretty damn entertaining on paper. Can massive underdog Frank Mir pull off Impossible Career Comeback #2, or will he succumb to the buzzsaw-like boxing of Junior Dos Santos, just like so many before him? Can Lavar Johnson score two knockouts in the same month (!), or is he in over his head — figuratively, and otherwise — against Stefan Struve? And does Roy Nelson really think he’s doing himself any favors with that ratty-ass gray beard?

(A helpful little video-primer, via YouTube.com/UFC)

By Ryan Sarr

What better way to kick off the summer this Memorial Day weekend than with the star-studded, all-heavyweight UFC 146: Dos Santos vs. Mir. Though Alistair Overeem’s drug test dodging/excuse-making skills weren’t enough to save the original UFC 146 main event, we’re still in for a spectacular heavyweight title tilt with JDS and Frank Mir.

Dos Santos made his UFC debut almost four years ago at UFC 90, and three days before the fight Dana White posted footage of JDS hitting mits on his online video blog. Dos Santos’s hands looked incredible, and suddenly money came pouring in on the heavy underdog to beat Fabricio Werdum, which he did in devastating fashion. Since then, Dos Santos has put together the best resume in UFC Heavyweight history, destroying everyone in his path. So, is Mir going to be just another notch on JDS’s belt, or will JDS have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon Sunday morning? Join me as I break down each fight on UFC 146′s main card, and don’t forget to come back to CagePotato tomorrow night for our liveblog of the event.

Junior Dos Santos (14-1, 8-0 UFC) vs. Frank Mir (16-5, 14-5 UFC)

They say that styles make fights, and Saturday night’s heavyweight championship is going to be a clash between two men who are the best in the division at their chosen styles. Junior Dos Santos is so confident in his boxing skills that he says he could hang with the Klitschko brothers with three months’ training, and Frank Mir’s jiu-jitsu is so good that he broke Minotauro Nogueira’s arm after Nogueira had Mir teetering on unconsciousness. Both of these men have a wealth of Octagon experience, but neither man has ever fought into the championship rounds of a fight. That shouldn’t be an issue Saturday night, however, for this fight will probably end well before the final bell.

For Dos Santos, the game plan is simple: keep this fight on the feet. Dos Santos’ belief in his hands has to be at an all-time high, as he’s coming off his knockout of previously undefeated former champion Cain Velasquez in 64 seconds. If JDS can control the Octagon against Mir and use his superb counter-punching, I can see him finishing Mir early. Dos Santos has very quick hands for a heavyweight, and his uppercut is devastating. Just one counter hook or uppercut, and it could be lights out for Mir.

(Word has it JDS hits so hard that Frank Mir fainted shortly after this photo was snapped.)

Just a reminder, Potato Nation, that the weigh-ins for tomorrow’s UFC 146 card are going down tonight starting at 7 p.m. ET. Because we “love” you the way a man “loves” the prostitute he just kicked out of his hotel room, we’ll be hosting a live stream of the event below. At least one of us will be trolling the comment section and looking for a fight, so be sure to join us if you’re into that sort of thing.

Will Roy Nelson don some sort of hilarious costume/facial hair combination? Will Jamie Varner go back into retirement and no-show for his fight against Edson Barboza out of fear for his life? Will Junior dos Santos break out his patented victory dance upon making weight?

All of these questions will be answered, via a few intense staredowns, in just a few short hours. 

(How awesome was the retro promo that preceded the conference? Finally, the UFC’s marketing department is making an effort.) 

We’re not going to insult anyone’s intelligence; you all know what’s going down this Saturday at UFC 146. There may have been endless change ups, Twitter campaigns, and even change ups involving members of the aforementioned Twitter campaigns, but this weekend promises to be an, excuse the overused term, epic night of fights based on body mass alone.

Unfortunately, last Tuesday’s UFC on FUEL: Zombie vs. Poirier card all but completely derailed our recent run of luck with the Gambling Enabler (aside from the decision to purchase some Bud Light Platinums to celebrate another beautiful McKenzietine bet), but hopefully this weekend’s UFC 146 event, which features an all heavyweight main card for the first time in UFC history will help get things back on track. So without further adieu, may we present to you the tasty betting lines, brought to you courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with our brilliant/equally insane advice below.

Main Card
Frank Mir (+425) vs. Junior dos Santos (-550)
Cain Velasquez (-400) vs. Antonio Silva (+325)
Roy Nelson (-225) vs. Dave Herman (+185)
Shane del Rosario (+135) vs. Stipe Miocic (-155)
Lavar Johnson (+105) vs. Stefan Struve (-125)

Preliminary Card (FX)
Diego Brandao (-265) vs. Darren Elkins (+205)
Edson Barboza (-550) vs. Jamie Varner (+425)
Jason Miller (-145) vs. C.B. Dollaway (+115)
Dan Hardy (-130) vs. Duane Ludwig (+100)

Preliminary Card (Facebook)
Paul Sass (+170) vs. Jacob Volkmann (-215)
Glover Teixeira (-240) vs. Kyle Kingsbury (+180)
Mike Brown (-160) vs. Daniel Pineda (+130)

Thoughts…

(Let’s be honest, you’d pay to watch these three knuckleheads do *anything*.)

As Danga pointed out yesterday, injuries and surprise drug tests have led to all five of UFC 146‘s main card bouts being altered since they were first announced, which puts “Dos Santos vs. Mir” right up there with MMA’s most cursed events of all time. But let’s be fair — the UFC originally promised us ten aggressive heavyweights bashing the hell out of each other, and they’re still giving us just that. So is UFC 146 a rag-tag bunch of scab-fights, or a compelling lineup in itself? Let’s break it down…

Original main event: Junior dos Santos vs. Alistair Overeem
Current main event: Junior dos Santos vs. Frank Mir
Advantage: Even. Luckily, our schizophrenic contributor Josh Hutchinson has already presented both sides of this issue, and I’m leaning towards the idea that Mir as a main-event replacement isn’t a total disaster. At first, we had the two best heavyweight strikers in MMA slugging it out for supremacy. Now, we have…well, who knows? Mir’s brilliant ground game opens up a whole new set of outcomes for this one. And isn’t MMA at its best when it’s chaotic and unpredictable? (I know, some of you just watch for the big muscles, but I’m a true fan, okay bro?)

Original co-main event: Cain Velasquez vs. Frank Mir
Current co-main event: Cain Velasquez vs. Antonio Silva
Advantage: Original. And I only say that because Velasquez vs. Mir felt like less of a squash match. Bigfoot really could have used a softer landing in the Octagon; making his UFC debut in a pay-per-view co-main event against a juggernaut ex-champ like Velasquez smells like serious trouble for the Brazilian, who already failed a chin-test against Daniel Cormier in September.

(Mark Hunt, seen here at the moment he found out where Lavar Johnson got his nickname.) 

Shitty news for you “Super Samoan” fans, as it has been confirmed by none other than Mark Hunt himself, via his Twitter account, that he has suffered a knee injury in training and has been forced to withdraw from his scheduled contest against Stefan Struve at UFC 146. For those of you keeping track, this now means that every single main card fight has been altered from its original pairing, and we’re still over a week out. If you’re currently a ticket holder for UFC 146, we recommend you cross your fingers and stick your head in the sand until May 26th comes around.

Thankfully, replacing Hunt will be a similarly hard hitting and Jiu-Jitsu shy fighter in Lavar Johnson, who is coming off a big knockout over Pat Barry at UFC on FOX 3 just twelve days ago. Johnson told UFC.com that he accepted the fight almost immediately:

I heard last night there was a chance I could get this fight and I accepted right away. You don’t get chances like this too much in life, so when you are lucky, you got to make the most of it. I took one week off after last fight [May 5] and then went back to the gym.

So, Potato Nation, is anyone more stoked at the idea of Johnson/Struve than the original matchup? And who do you think takes this?

-J. Jones

(Upkick me once, shame on you. Upkick me twice, shame on me. Upkick me six times…seriously, bro?)

From Nate Diaz‘s hilarious taunts to Lavar Johnson‘s brutalization of Pat Barry, here are the best moments from Saturday night’s UFC card in animated GIF form. Props to IronForgesIron, the UG, and TheBigLead. More good stuff after the jump.

By Elias Cepeda

Props: MMAMania

As expected, it was a great idea to pit two heavyweight knock out artists against one another for the Fox audience. Lavar Johnson and Pat Barry swung for the fences and beat the tar out of each other for almost a whole round before Johnson stopped Barry with punches.

“Big” secured a $65,000 KO of the night bonus with the beating. Johnson now has two consecutive entertaining UFC wins under his belt, after back to back Strikeforce submission losses. He’ll likely get at least a couple more style-friendly sluggers to duke it out with from the UFC since he’s performed so well against them thus far.

Barry’s situation may be a little more complicated. The former K-1 fighter always brings it in his fights, is fan-friendly and has some big wins on his resume. But he’s also now lost three out of his last four fights and five out of his last eight. One would imagine he’ll get at least some more fights from the UFC given that he won his prior fight and how exciting he was, even in defeat, against Johnson.

Tonight’s UFC on FOX event is looking to be one for the ages, Potato Nation. The alcohol-fueled spirit of Cinco De Mayo has overtaken most, if not all, of the U.S of A by this point, and I’m no exception, so lets skip the fancy introductions and get right to it.

Preliminary results
-Karlos Vemola def. Mike Massenzio by submission (rear-naked choke) at 1:07 of round two.
-Roland Delorme def. Nick Denis by submission (rear-naked choke) at 4:59 of round one.
-Dennis Bermudez def. Pablo Garzo by UD
-Danny Castillo def. John Cholsih by UD
-Louis Gaudinot def. John Lineker by submission (guillotine choke) at 4:54 of round 2
-John Hathaway def. Paskal Krauss by UD
-John Dodson def. Tim Elliot by UD
-Michael Johnson def. Tony Ferguson by UD

A couple musings from the prelims:

-Apparently some McDonald’s Happy Meals DO come with Jiu-Jitsu Blackbelts. Just ask Mike Massenzio.

-Nick Denis has a ridiculous rat tail, but it can’t match up with Roland Delorme’s iron chin. What an amazing round of action that was.

(Is there anyway we could get the guy on the far right to…what’s the word I’m looking for….leave?) 

Since the UFC has made its conversion to a major network, they’ve had their fair share of ups and downs. Their first event, though featuring a match that could headline any pay-per-view, was little more than an hour long infomercial for the sport, topped off by the shortest title fight this side of Andrei Arlovski’s flash knockout of Paul Buentello back at UFC 55. Their second event was forced to shuffle around its main card participants as a result of Mark Munoz’s grisly injury, resulting in two mediocre bouts and a tepid main event. And don’t even get us started on Jon Jones’ commentary.

However, not all is lost (unless we’re talking about last week’s TUF ratings. Bazinga!), for this Saturday’s card promises to deliver the kind of head-to-toe action that mainstream and hardcore audiences alike have been waiting for. It’s got a Diaz, a Miller, a cartoon character, and a mythical swamp beast on its main card alone, so what could possibly go wrong? But just in case the Zuffa brass are looking for a few extra pointers from a fan’s perspective, we’ve compiled the following list of five things that would surely elevate UFC on FOX 3 above that of its predecessors. Enjoy, and let us know what other improvements could be made to the UFC on FOX in the comments section.

5. Tito Ortiz Return to his Role as a Ringside Commentator

FOX is a network that prides itself on being the voice of the simple, common man. And there is perhaps no man simpler than that of Tito Ortiz. Let’s be real here; Ortiz’s night of commentary at Affliction: Day of Reckoning was easily the funniest Goddamn moment in the history of MMA, bar none. Brian Fantana could not muster one-tenth of its hilarity if he were to report on every Panda birth from here to Chongqing, and we should give “The People’s Champ” another go-around for comedic purposes only. Besides, when was the last time ringside commentary really blew your mind? We love Joe Rogan and all, but we’d be much more inclined to stick around after the fight if there was a possibility that the announcer in question would suffer an aneurysm whilst trying to determine his next word.

On the heels of what was a hugely successful (both in terms of action and PPV sales) UFC 145, the UFC will look to keep the momentum going with this weekend’s UFC on FOX 3 card, which features a smorgasbord of great match-ups (praise be to Joe Silva). And the only way to make a great thing even better would be to walk away with a little extra moolah, don’t you think? Because, to paraphrase what Bobby McFerrin once said, “If you don’t have cash, you don’t have style, and you sure as hell don’t have a gal to make you smile.” Something like that. So check out the tasty betting lines below, courtesy of BestFightOdds, and follow us after the jump for some sound advice that will surely score you one out of the three McFerrin keys to success. And don’t worry, none of the spreads are as insane as the current Akihiro Gono/Michael Chandler odds, which more closely resemble your chances of sleeping with Halle Berry, winning the lottery, and surviving a public bus fire in the same day. 

Main Card 
Jim Miller (-220) vs. Nate Diaz (+180)
Pat Barry (-210) vs. Lavar Johnson (+175)
Johny Hendricks (-120) vs. Josh Koscheck (+100)
Rousimar Palhares (-280) vs. Alan Belcher (+240)

Preliminary Card
Dennis Bermudez (-175) vs. Pablo Garza (+145)
Tony Ferguson (-270) vs. Michael Johnson (+210)
John Dodson (-400) vs. Tim Elliot (+300)*
Pascal Krause (-140) vs. John Hathaway (+110)*
John Linker (-150) vs. Louis Gaudinot (+120)*
John Cholish (-130) vs. Danny Castillo (EV)*
Roland Delorme (-130) vs. Nick Denis (EV)*
Mike Massenzio (-185) vs. Karlos Vemola (+145)*

*These lines are taken from Opposingviews.com, which has far different lines than BestFightOdds for the main card fights. They are the only site, however, with current odds for the given fights. 

Thoughts…

(Props to IronForgesIron for the vid.) 

Yesterday, UK based promotion X-treme Combat held its sixth mixed combat event in Cumbria, North West England. Featuring amateur boxing, semi-pro boxing, and kickboxing matches, the evening was highlighted by a K1-style rules bout between FlexMMA product Lewis Bailey and Salfrod MMA’s Paul Calland. Held in an octagon that can only be described as “replica size” with two of the most eager ringside announcers in recent memory calling the action, the scrap featured several back and forth exchanges in its brief duration.

After whiffing a head kick around the 2:40 mark, Calland decides to turn a turd into gold by unleashing a wild spinning backfist as a follow up. A backfist so wild, in fact, that it wasn’t really a spinning backfist at all, but more of a sloppy, unintentional spinning elbow ala Jon Jones. In either case, it catches Bailey completely off guard, rendering him unconscious before he can even fall to the canvas like a rapidly deflating balloon. Now, our Pikey may be a little rusty, but we believe one of the announcers referred to the shot as “a poop,” which references the fact that Bailey likely shit himself after being hit with such a powerful blow.

And while we’re discussing all things KO-related, we’ve got to give some props to FUEL TV, who recently released full, crystal clear videos of the Lavar Johnson/Joey Beltran and Pat Barry/Christian Morecraft scraps from January’s UFC on FX: Guillard vs. Miller card to hype up Barry and Johnson’s upcoming clash at UFC on FOX 3. Both were exciting brawls to say the least, and both ended by way of violent KO, so check them out after the jump.

(Dude. Don’t even get me started about mustard water. / Props: hypeordie)

After knocking out Christian Morecraft at UFC on FX 1 last month, Pat Barry has booked his next fight. The heavyweight kickboxer will face Lavar Johnson on the main card of UFC on FOX 3, May 5th in New Jersey, which will officially be headlined by a five-round lightweight contest between Nate Diaz and Jim Miller.

Lavar Johnson scored the Knockout of the Night during last weekend’s UFC on FOX 2 card, by smashing Joey Beltran in the first round of their preliminary card meeting. The win snapped a two-fight losing streak that Johnson had carried over from his stint in Strikeforce. His upcoming scrap with Barry seems like a way for the UFC to guarantee some much-needed excitement for their next FOX broadcast. As for Barry, it’s an opportunity to bump his UFC record over .500 and secure back-to-back victories for the first time in his UFC career.

In other May booking news…

Swanson vs. Roop provided an early candidate for Side-Punchface of the Year. Props: UFC.com

Remember how last night, you invited your non-MMA fan friends over to introduce them to our sport? You spent the past week talking about how Chael Sonnen is one of the best trash talkers in professional sports, and how technical and talented these fighters were. You figured that after three fights that were guaranteed to be exceptional, your friends would be won over to MMA fandom. Then you’d continue to drink and be merry all night, and we’d all meet up here today for our traditional post-UFC event GIF party where we all high five over how awesome the fights were.

Well, it didn’t quite work out that way. Instead, you found yourself doing damage control as you watched three fights worth of sloppy brawling, wall and stall and Chael Sonnen’s blatant swaggerjacking of homage to “Superstar” Billy Graham. You tried to convince them that the fights are usually nothing like this, and that these guys gassing out and the end of the first round are world class athletes. Eventually, one of your friends said “I bet Pacquiao would destroy ANY of these guys” as the rest of your friends grabbed their coats and said they’d call you next time they wanted to watch the fights.

Okay, so last night sucked. But we’ve been planning this party all week, and we’ll be damned if we cancel it at this point. So grab an alcoholic beverage, put on your gaudiest Affliction shirt and join us for our traditional post-UFC event GIF Party.

As always, praise be to Zombie Prophet at IronForgesIron.com for the GIFS.

Totally illegal in NCAA competition. (Photo: UFC.com)

“It’s usually not like this.” With that text I found myself apologizing to a UFC-virgin for the first time in a long time. My friend had just told me that she was at home watching the the show on FOX, without any provocation from me mind you. “This is that fighting you like, right???”. I assured her that the event had yet to capture the energy and excitement indicative of the sport. “I’m going back and forth between this and figure skating,” she replied. I can’t really say I blame her, either.

While we expected plenty of grappling in the bouts themselves, the wrestling theme seemed to carry on throughout the production at large. The usually-charismatic Jon Jones wrestled with his notes, relying on them not just for in-depth fight analysis but for simple things like his thoughts on fighting Rashad. The opening act wrestled with fatigue, leading to a performance as exhausting for fans as it was for the competitors in the cage. And once again, FOX wrestled with an underwhelming broadcast that left the most exciting action behind in the prelims.

Enough belly aching about the show itself, let’s take a look at what made such a promising event so forgettable for the masses.

(Chad Griggs: Funkiest white man alive. / Photo by Esther)

Two of Strikeforce’s hardest-hitting heavyweight prospects are getting some good news this Christmas* season. According to new reports, Chad Griggs and Lavar “Big” Johnson have inked contracts with the UFC, meaning that they’ll still have jobs after Strikeforce disbands its big-man division next year.

Though he’s perhaps best known for his incredible muttonchops, Chad “The Grave Digger” Griggs (11-1) has gone on a three-fight tear under the Strikeforce banner, beating up Bobby Lashley last August at Strikeforce: Houston, then scoring back-to-back first-round stoppages against Gianpiero Villante and Valentijn Overeem in Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix reserve bouts this year. The Arizona native hasn’t lost a fight since April 2007. The date and opponent for his next fight are still TBA, but Griggs is expected to make his Octagon debut in early 2012.

With a chest like that, Shawn Jordan deserves a special place in our hearts

Let’s pretend that you’re a novice MMA fan. You just started watching the sport after being at a bar that was showing “one of those UFC events”, and you want to follow this sport more closely. Specifically, you want to be able to watch the sport’s brightest prospects fighting on the same card while it’s still mostly for recognition. Then let me tell you everything you need to know: The UFC 135 Facebook prelims begin at 5:30 ET. You’re welcome.

For those of you who really want to be hardcore fans, and want to know about the brightest prospects of the minor leagues fighting to be somewhat more famous minor league prospects, we got your back, too. Strikeforce Challengers 19 went down last night in Las Vegas last night at the Palms Resort Casino. While most of the fighters were pretty rough around the edges, the crowd was still treated to some decent fights.

In the main event, light heavyweight prospect Lorenz Larkin remained undefeated by edging out Nick Rossborough for a unanimous decision victory. Despite accepting the fight on short notice, Nick Rossborough kept the fight close throughout the first round by utilizing the clinch against the shorter Larkin. However, Larkin managed to wear Rossborough down with leg kicks throughout the second round, and opened up a cut on Rossborough’s forehead with elbows in the third. Lorenz Larkin is now 12-0 in his MMA career, while Nick Rossborough falls to 20-15.

(VidProps: YouTube/ZProphet420)

Depending on how you look at it, this week was either the perfect complement or an immediate counterpoint to Dana White’s recent claims that there could never be too much MMA on TV. What with UFC 120, Countdown, Primetime, TUF, Bellator and Challengers all leading up to the only show that really matters tonight, this week pretty much planned itself for fans who were so inclined. In light of that crush of programming, it’s perfectly understandable if you totally spaced on the fact that Strikeforce put on an event last night headlined by a rematch between a guy named Bobby Voelker and a guy called Roger Bowling. It’s cool. You probably had other stuff going on.

(And you thought the tats on the *front* of Mahe were insane? Photo courtesy of Esther Lin/Strikeforce.)

…are after the jump, for the benefit of all you crybabies.

(Lolohea Mahe’s body is eerily similar to what my legal pad looks like during boring conference calls. Photo courtesy of Esther Lin/Strikeforce.)

As a light appetizer to tomorrow’s big show, Strikeforce is having its latest Challengers event tonight at the Save Mart Center in Fresno, California. The main card will be broadcast on Showtime starting at 11:45 p.m. ET/PT. If you don’t subscribe to Showtime, you’re in luck — the network will be available for free this weekend in 54.4 million households as part of their All Access Free Preview Weekend.

So why is tonight’s event worth DVR’ing? Well, you’ve got Hottest Women in MMA honoree Miesha Tate (8-2) taking on undefeated prospect (and former Fresno City College soccer player) Zoila Frausto (5-0) in a 135-pound contest. Jiu-jitsu phenom Andre Galvao (3-1) will try to rebound from his first MMA loss — a split-decision against Jason High at the DREAM Welterweight Grand Prix semi-finals — against Strikeforce veteran Luke Stweart (6-2). And in the main event, Fresno native Lavar Johnson (11-3) will take on Hawaiian heavyweight Lolohea Mahe (3-0-1). It will be Johnson’s first cage-appearance since his 18-second knockout of Carl Seumanutafa last May. In July, Johnson was shot in the abdomen by an unidentified gunman while attending a family barbecue. Four other people were shot during the incident, with one of them dying at the scene. Expect a hero’s welcome from the hometown crowd tonight.

The full lineup and weigh-in results are after the jump. No, not all fighters made their contracted weights, but they all tried, which I think is totally admirable.