(This is the point where we become so proud of ourselves as to be intolerable.)

The good (and obviously brilliant) people over at AskMen.com have compiled a list of the top ten hype-worthy websites that will blow up in 2009.  And wouldn’t you know it, Cage Potato clocked in at number six.  It’s about time we made a top ten list that wasn’t created by our parents as a ruse to cheer us up when we’re sick.

And #6 is not bad, though it does contradict the “We’re #1!” t-shirts we had made at the mall.  The good news is that we came in ahead of sites like Fanhouse.com (#10, so take that, MDS), and Consumerist.com (#8), while getting edged out by noteworthy competitors like TheDailyBeast.com (#5) and TheOnion.com (#2).  We can live with that result…for now. 

10. ROB EMERSON

Offenses: Was arrested in 2000 for his membership in the Lords of South County, a gang of Orange County rich kids who liked to assault innocent people for fun. Arrested again in 2006 after a dustup at a bar, and pled guilty to two counts of battery. His middling fight record doesn’t justify his UFC contract.
Notable quote: “I got bent over and took it up the ass on a lot of bullshit judges’ decisions. But fuck ‘em, their faces were fucked up worse than mine. That’s all I care about!”

9. BILL GOLDBERG

Offenses: His inexcusably awful work for EliteXC has brought MMA commentary to new, previously unimagined depths. Was reportedly abusive and obnoxious on the set of The Longest Yard.
Notable quote: “Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t give a damn about traditional mixed martial arts.”

8. BOB MEYROWITZ

Offenses: Ran the UFC into the mud marketing it as the most outrageous bloodsport on Earth. Currently working to eliminate ground-fighting with the YAMMA pit. Has a history of losing investors’ money (see eyada.com).
Notable quote: “On the streets it’s against the law — in the pit it is the law.” (YAMMA tagline)

7. GILBERT YVEL

Offenses: One of the dirtiest fighters in MMA history. DQ’d once for eye gouging, once for biting, and once for knocking out a referee; laughed when he was arrested after the incident.
Notable quote: “The referee…not a good thing, but memorable.”

11. Rashad Evans vs. Sean Salmon (UFC Fight Night 8, 1/25/2007)

10. Chris “Red Bull” Willems vs. Akoni Nakila (ROTR: Beatdown IV, 7/14/07)

9. Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic vs. Aleksander Emelianenko (PRIDE: Final Conflict 2004, 8/15/2004)

The eight greatest MMA fighters who have never won a championship or major tournament…

8. Gilbert Yvel (32-12-1)

There are two reasons “The Hurricane” hasn’t risen to the lofty heights of champion: his lackluster ground game and his ridiculous temper. Yvel has undeniable knockout power, particularly in his kicks and flying knees, and 28 of his 32 wins have come via KO/TKO. On the other hand, a quarter of his 12 losses came from well-deserved DQ’s. If he could have gotten out of his own way, this guy could have been on top of the world.

7. Yushin Okami (22-4)

Okami had a good shot to win Rumble on the Rock’s 175-pound tourney in 2006. As you’ll recall, he was staggered by an illegal kick from Anderson Silva in the first round, picking up a DQ win that allowed him to continue on to fight Jake Shields. But Shields beat Thunder in a decision (and ended up winning the whole thing), and Okami’s title hope disappeared. Now in the UFC, Okami is a top contender for the middleweight title — but good luck getting past the division’s undisputed ruler.

6. Jeremy “Gumby” Horn (79-17-5)

Although he has logged an impressive record in over 100 pro fights — beating guys like Chuck Liddell, Forrest Griffin, Josh Burkman, Dean Lister, “The Hurricane,” David Loiseau, and Vernon White — “Gumby” has never won the big one. He had two chances to pick up a title (UFC 17 vs. Frank Shamrock for the middleweight crown and UFC 54 in a rematch with Liddell for the light heavy belt), but was stopped both times.

Our 16 favorite noms de guerre, and our favorite photos found through Google-image-searching those words/phrases. High concept, we know, but stay with us and click on the links.

16. Jeremy “Gumby” Horn

15. Mauricio “Shogun” Rua

14. Bret “The Angry Hick” Bergmark

13. Evangelista “Cyborg” Santos

12. Rameau Thierry “The African Assassin” Sokoudjou

11. Don “The Predator” Frye

9. Don Frye

Full pints of 40-year-old ball-sweat have passed through the Predator’s Old Glory nut-huggers. Just seems a little disrespectful, that’s all.

8. Ken Shamrock

Watching Ken sport these old-schoolers transports us to the time we spotted the 80-year-old next door during one of her “spells.” Those are some granny panties we’ll never get out of our mind.

7. Rich Franklin

Half badass, half…pink? He earned the right to get his ass handed to him by Anderson Silva. But he was a hit at the post-fight pride parade.

8. Ivan Salaverry’s Anaconda Body Lock

Unfortunately, we could only find evidence of Salaverry’s UFC 50 match against Tony Fryklund in a poorly-soundtracked highlight video, but skip to the 1:51 mark and watch as Salaverry takes Fryklund’s back and squeezes until “The Freak” taps out in agony.

7. Frank Mir’s Kneebar

Frank Mir took a beating from Brock Lesnar during the ex-WWE star’s UFC debut at “Rapid Fire.” But Mir patiently waited for an opening and capitalized against a technique-deficient Lesnar.

6. Nick Diaz’s Gogoplata

Nick Diaz and Takanori Gomi were in a fucking war at PRIDE 33. When it went to the ground in round two, Diaz unleashed his BJJ to wrap up a perfect G.

10. Trainer John Hackleman

Hack kind of looks like something Jim Henson might have sewn together while drunk and depressed.

9. Matt Lindland

A five-head that could cut glass…

8. Ben Rothwell

Don’t worry, Susie…those things will develop in a few years.

10. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson

Quote: “When I be losing I be gettin’ my ass whupped. But when I be winnin’ I be doing the ass whuppin’!”
Admittedly, Rampage has had enough funny/dumb quotes to fill a book and over 2/3rd of them contain some version of “ass whuppin’”. We’ll let this well-said overly obvious statement represent the many that he has given us — and the hundreds more that are sure to come.

9. BJ Penn

Quote: “My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs.”
We like BJ – and he’s a fan favorite – but, Prodigy, a little extra effort would be appreciated when you’re fielding questions about your diet. Everyone knows what Atkins is, so if you add the carbs…well, then it’s not Atkins at all is it?

Everyone else in cyberspace has weighed in, so it’s time for CagePotato to lay down the Chuck Norris law. ‘Cept we’ve not only collected Chuck Norris facts from the site that started it all, but we’ve also scoured the literally hundreds of off-shoot entries around the web. The man who put the MA in MMA may not like the facts much, considering the lawsuit he’s taken out – as reported by our peeps over at Holy Taco a few weeks ago – but we fucking love them. Love him or hate him, Chuck Norris walks above us, not amongst us.

So while the bearded ass-kicker is busy selling loco for Mike Huckabee, enjoy the definitive Top 25 Truths About Chuck Norris…and his beard:

25. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
24. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
23. Who was the ghost writer on “Smack My Bitch Up” performed by the band, Prodigy? Chuck Norris.
22. The Ultimate Fighting Championship doesn’t use its full name, which is “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.
21. Chuck Norris once fathered a shark – because they kick ass.

20. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
19. Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder – at the same time.
18. Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
17. Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet…until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
16. Chuck Norris’ first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

8. Ed Herman We all know what the song is supposed to be about and we’re all wondering what business it has being an entrance song. It doesn’t even have a cool beat. But that didn’t stop Ed Herman from using ”In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins at UFC 72. I can feel it, coming in the…okay, that’s enough. [...]

Honorable Mention: Pat Militech

10. Frank Trigg

9. Matt Hughes