(“It’ll never happen, ladies. Now go back to the kitchen and make me an eight-sided sandwich.” / Image via CagePotato’s Facebook page, which you should all follow immediately.)

By the CagePotato.com Staff

They were undeniable truths — until suddenly, they weren’t. Check out our latest list below, and ask yourself: What do I believe now that will turn out to be utter bullshit someday?

1. Alistair Overeem will become the UFC heavyweight champion in less than a year.

(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting.com)

2. There’s no way a boxer could ever beat a mixed martial artist under MMA rules.

3. Rickson’s record is 400-0. No, seriously.
 

(Image via FAIL Blog, obviously.)

By the CagePotato.com Staff

You know you’re a true MMA fan when it starts to negatively affect your work, health, and personal relationships. Check out our latest list below, and let us know which ones apply to you. Props to Buzzfeed for the inspiration.

1. You roll your wrists while blasting “Sandstorm” before every job interview.

2. Kimbo Slice is your favorite professional boxer and Tank Abbott is your favorite author.

3. You used to drive 25 miles to the nearest video store that carried bootlegged copies of King of the Cage events. Now, you complain because there are too many free UFC events on cable.

As you all no doubt have heard, the International Olympic Committee has decreed that wrestling is no longer worthy of a place in the Summer Games, in order to make way for other, more lucrative events. I tell you now that this decision is the worst kind of folly, made for the worst reasons possible. I won’t rail about the corruption in the IOC, or the nepotism and naked commercialism that seems to hold sway in any of their decisions. I will point out that kicking wrestling out of the Olympics does seem rather…historically disconnected.

On the other hand, it’s possible that this is only a con from the IOC in order to drum up support (read: money) to get wrestling back into the Olympic arena where it belongs.

In any case, here is a list of ten sports that should be rightly removed from the Games, even if we weren’t talking about making room for an original Olympic event. Let’s just cut all this extra fat, and strip the Olympics down to the more raw athletic events. (And gymnastics. You have to keep gymnastics.)

The Modern Pentathlon

This was the ass-backwards event that everyone with a brain in their head assumed would get the axe, for two reasons. First, it’s an oddball series of activities based on an archaic skill set — cavalry officers still ride horses? — that is no longer relevant. Second, it’s redundant: Take this away, and athletes could still do the triathlon. Or the decathlon. Or just, you know, pick an event instead of being a scatterbrained dipshit.

Table Tennis

(You see, kids, this is why we don’t break the fourth rule of Project Mayhem. Photo via Complex)

By Jason Moles

As is customary, nay tradition, around these parts, we’re hitting the eggnog early and often this week — thus, the obligatory Top 10 list to close out another year in the world of mixed martial arts. It’s not all fluff, though: Last year we predicted a champion would test positive for a banned substance and Brock Lesnar would retire. Not bad, huh? So grab a seat while we break out the crystal ball and see what 2013 has in store for us.

1.) Showtime stays in the MMA biz, will announce deal with Invicta FC and others.

MMA is just too popular to completely wash your hands of. Showtime may finally be done with Strikeforce, but that only means they’re now free to partner up with the likes of all-female Invicta FC or the World Series of Fighting, both of which could be looking for more permanent homes after their early success in 2012. Don’t let the Invicta PPV news fool you; they can’t win that battle. No matter who inks the deal, expect Showtime to counter-program at least one UFC event.

2.) A Ronda Rousey loss brings about the swift execution of women’s MMA in the UFC.

(“Oooh! Carlos learned how to punch. Uh-oh.”)

Although most Nick Diaz fans would be quick to dispute it (or simply just forget about it in the first place), welterweight interim champion Carlos “Natural Born Killer” Condit didn’t just get lucky when The Baldfather was assigning nicknames, he earned his by collecting 26 stoppages in 28 victories. It’s hard to believe that Condit has collected a higher finishing ratio (92.9%) than the likes of Junior Dos Santos (86.7%)or Anderson Silva (78.8%), but the fact remains that when you get in the cage with the former WEC welterweight champ, there’s usually only one way out: via your consciousness.

So in order to refresh our collective memories of just what kind of beast will be challenging Georges St. Pierre at UFC 154, we’ve compiled our favorite GIF’s of Carlos going for the kill after the jump. Enjoy.

(This belt means as much as the one Carlos Condit is carrying around. It’s funny how that works.)

By Jason Moles

In what comes as absolutely no surprise to anyone with a double-digit I.Q. or higher, Strikeforce will reportedly put the final nail in the coffin after their next event, which is currently scheduled for January 2013. Like any good friend, we tried to talk them out of their appointment with Dr. Kevorkian. Sadly, our friend just could not be reasoned with, leaving us no other options — we have to prepare for the funeral.

Here at CagePotato HQ (read: my desk at work when the boss is in the crapper), we feel it only necessary to start writing the eulogy now, while the memories are still vivid, in an attempt to bring comfort to the grieving family and friends when the time comes. Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we, and look back fondly at the most memorable moments in Strikeforce’s storied mixed martial arts history.

Frank Shamrock Gets a Friendly Stockton Greeting From Nick Diaz

In the spring of 2009, Strikeforce served up a hot matchup between former UFC champion and MMA legend Frank Shamrock and the future Strikeforce Welterweight champion and world-renowned trash talker Nick Diaz. As you can glean from the above photo and the ensuing nut grab you can see on YouTube at roughly the 3:23 mark, these two were about as cordial as a Kentucky Derby winner who had just spotted Alistair Overeem waiting in the stable with a knife and fork.

The remarkable thing about the whole ordeal was that Diaz remained true to himself at the risk of coming across as a disrespectful punk, not willing to play nice simply to placate other people, even if they did sign his paycheck. In all of the press conferences that have been held over the years, fighters have generally been pretty calm and polite — so much so that you have to wonder if they realize that the guy they’re shaking hands with is the same guy who’s getting paid to cave his face in come fight night. Not the Stockton, Calif. native, though, whoe’s about as subtle as he is media friendly. You’ll never have to guess what the Cesar Gracie product is thinking. This classic photo by Esther Lin is a reminder of just that.

(Quick poll – Which is funnier: Miller’s hair or Shields’ attempt at a mean mug?) 

You can hate on the over-the-top theatrics of professional wrestling all you want, but there’s no denying the sport’s influence on the world of MMA. Do you think we would have ever seen Jonathan Ivey break out “The People’s Elbow” in a fight if The Rock hadn’t done it first? And how about that Chael Sonnen character, who we would all just write off as another boring wrestler if not for his Billy Graham-esque heel routine? The list goes on and on, but greater than the signature moves, greater even than the whimsical trash-talking pro wrasslin’ has inspired in our great sport, is the post-fight cage confrontation.

It has been responsible for some of the most unintentionally hilarious highs and Gus Johnsony lows that MMA has ever seen, yet we can’t seem to look away when such an inherently silly situation is presented in the aftermath of a fight. The UFC clearly understands this, and in an effort to set up everyone’s dream match of Anderson Silva vs. Jon Jones Georges. St. Pierre, both the UFC and Silva’s manager have hinted that not only is the middleweight champ going to be in attendance at UFC 154, but should St. Pierre emerge victorious, the two will face off in the cage and lay the foundation for the next great MMA superfight. So with that in mind, we’ve compiled a brief, albeit memorable, video tribute to the post-fight confrontation. Enjoy.

(‘Here Comes the Boom’ trailer, via FilmsActuTrailers. It’s basically like Warrior, but with barf.)

Kevin James has been one of the UFC’s most visible celebrity fans, and he clearly called in a few favors for his upcoming MMA comedy, Here Comes the Boom. The movie centers on a 40-something science teacher who turns to cage-fighting to raise money for his school, and features our hero Bas Rutten in a supporting role, as well as cameos from Jason Miller, Krzysztof Soszynski, Joe Rogan, and Bruce Buffer. With Boom slated to hit theaters on October 12th, we decided to round up a bunch of our favorite MMA fighter movie cameos. And as you’ll see, they’re usually not hired for their acting ability…

Movie: Blood and Bone (2009)
Fighter: Gina Carano

You know, it’s nice to see women entering the world of underground illegal fighting rings. Before she was Mallory Kane, Gina Carano got her feet wet in the movie business as a badass female street-fighter. Later, she asks Michael Jai White to call her, maybe.

Being the poster-designer for the UFC must be a horrible job. You spend all day selecting the perfect photos of each headliner, tweaking size and shading until they’re juuuuust right, and then you get a frantic phone call from your boss just as you’re leaving for the weekend, saying that so-and-so blew out his such-and-such, and it’s time to start over.

Case in point, check out the poster above. For a brief moment between UFC 151 being canceled and Jones vs. Belfort being booked, some poor bastard actually had to make a Jones vs. Machida 2 poster, and Lyoto Machida hadn’t even accepted the fight. I’m not saying a lot of time was spent on this, I’m saying that no matter how long it took, that time could have been better spent napping.

We’ve compiled a lot more outdated UFC posters in the pages below. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be reminded of great fights that were sunk due to injury, and of the fragility of human ACLs. If we’ve left out any good ones, shoot us some links in the comments section.

(Oh, you said you have a *flaggy* tattoo? I must have misheard you.) 

By Nathan Smith

During a recent interview with the Wall Street Journal, Dana White said, “Globally, we’re already bigger than the NFL.” From a global stand point that may be true, but in the Pulp Fiction-esque United States, the NFL is still Marsellus Wallace. The UFC may never gain the notoriety that the NFL has in America but stand-out fighters continue to ink major product endorsement deals. Anderson Silva (Burger King, Budweiser), Georges St. Pierre (Gatorade, UnderArmor) and Jon Jones (Nike) are paving the way to success for future mixed martial artists. Although big-time corporate sponsorship for fighters is in its infancy, the other major professional sports leagues have seen their athletes gain almost as much notoriety outside the lines as within.

The UFC was purchased by Zuffa just over a decade ago and has been charging towards global domination ever since. Sure, the NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL (well, maybe not the NHL) playoffs and championship contests annihilate the UFC ratings-wise but the premier MMA organization is gaining at a rapid pace. Take into account the combined several hundred years of history the 4 “major” professional leagues hold and it is glaringly apparent that the UFC and its stars are closing the gap like a fat dude towards a parked Roach Coach.

Comparing the UFC’s ratings and popularity with the aforementioned leagues is somewhat asinine and it would not be fair or rational to compare athletes from other sports with UFC fighters – but you have visited Cagepotato.com. We have never been accused of being fair or rational and matching fighters with their counterparts from around the world of other sporting organizations seemed as logical as a booze-filled headset.

Anderson Silva and Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan has become the benchmark to which all athletes are measured, although the comparisons have transcended far beyond the realm of athletics. Any activity or event draws comparisons to #23 (or #45 whatever). From Ken Jennings being the Michael Jordan of Jeopardy, to Joey Chestnut being the Michael Jordan of gluttony or Peter North being the Michael Jordan of male climax volume, Jordan is synonymous with superiority. In every single poll taken in the last decade regarding the “Top 100 NBA players in History” the battle is for #2 through #100. Michael Jordan is considered the greatest of all time in his medium (and I am not talking about minor league baseball).  Anderson Silva, with his perfect 15-0 record and 10 consecutive title defenses in the UFC, has done things that may never be accomplished again in the history of mixed martial arts. Some day a fighter may come along (if he hasn’t already *foreshadowing*) and surpass Silva’s records but until his numbers fall, Anderson Silva is the Michael Jordan of MMA – period.

(When Zuffa purchased the UFC, Dana White actually had hair. There is no punchline, just a fact worth mentioning.)

By Nathan Smith

I have purchased pay per views from the Ultimate Fighting Championship since 1994, where I was welcomed to the sport with Pat Smith turning the face of Scott Morris into a Manwich at UFC 2: No Way Out. It was like heroin after that – I was addicted. Since then, I estimate that I have shelled out well over $5000 on PPVs alone, much less another sizeable chunk of change on tickets to live events and the obligatory UFC merchandise (who can live without the life-sized GSP cardboard cut-out – NOT ME).

Throughout that time I have been an advocate of MMA to the uninformed masses that I’ve encountered at watering holes across this great land. For every, “That UFC shit is just a legalized bar fight” comment, I would swoop in like Dogwelder to defend the UFC and its competitors. It was almost a grass roots effort by the early UFC supporters to educate the ignorant and let them know that this is a real sport filled with unbelievably talented athletes. The edification continues today as many intelligent fans try to shun the perceived stigma that we are a bunch of tatted-up dudes wearing flat-billed TAPOUT hats and driving small-penis-compensating monster trucks while applying ring worm ointment to our wounds.

Then there was the figure-head, the fearless leader that was taking all the media scrutiny head-on and paving the way while holding up his middle finger to the man. After the ZUFFA purchase, Dana White was a perfect fit during the infancy of the UFC’s push towards legitimacy. Adopting rules and weight classes and marketing the shit out of the product culminated in a 7 year deal with FOX and its affiliates. Now the UFC is on the precipice of its fourth nationally televised FOX card and the ratings have plummeted from 5.7 million during UFC on FOX 1 (Cain Velasquez VS Junior Dos Santos) to 2.4 million during UFC on FOX 3 (Nate Diaz VS Jim Miller).

I don’t think it is a coincidence that viewership and PPV buys are down. I have always been a staunch supporter of the brand and even I, a die hard fan, am starting to see chinks in the UFC armor. The reasons have been dissected on CP with various posts but I believe that this is just the beginning of problems for the UFC unless some changes are made pronto. I am not saying that the UFC is in the toilet but as the organization has grown in stature from eviscerating the competition, a standard evolution needs to happen.

So with that in mind, here are five ways that the UFC can move from their current plateau all the way to the mountain top.

(Who wants to be #8?? / Image via Sportsnet.ca)

By Ben Goldstein

In case you haven’t been paying attention — or simply refuse to believe it — the next UFC light-heavyweight title contender will be selected from a crop of four guys who have previously been destroyed by current champion Jon Jones. And I mean destroyed. Obviously, the lucky challenger could wind up taking on Dan Henderson instead, but we’re still talking about a quartet of fighters who have already proven that they’re somewhat less than belt-worthy.

Does the weak contender pool at light-heavyweight represent a low-water mark for UFC title challengers? Hardly. Even if the shot goes to Brandon Vera — a guy who has gone 1-2 with one no-contest in his last four fights — he’d be coming in with a win over a legend like Shogun, which is nothing to sneeze at. So let’s put all this criticism into perspective, and take a look at seven guys who really didn’t deserve a UFC title fight when one was handed to them…

TANK ABBOTT
Fought Maurice Smith for the heavyweight title @ UFC 15, 10/17/97

In Tank’s defense, he was coming in on short-notice as an injury replacement for Dan Severn — but still, you’d think the UFC could hustle up a more legitimate challenger for their heavyweight belt. After all, we’re not talking about the Tank Abbott of 1995 who was knocking dudes out then mocking their seizures. We’re talking about the Tank Abbott of 1997 who had already been exposed as hopelessly one-dimensional, and had lost his last two fights against Vitor Belfort and Don Frye. Coincidentally, Belfort was on the UFC 15 card as well, in a heavyweight title eliminator against Randy Couture — and if either of those guys were drafted for the main event in Tank’s place, we might not have been subjected to the sad sight of Abbott stumbling around and wheezing after eight minutes of battle, too exhausted to defend leg kicks.

(If you must ask, Dana, I believe my hype train was headed in that general direction. Then again, it’s been so long since I’ve seen it…) 

If you’re anything like us, you’ve more than likely spent your weekend drinking either Budweiser or Miller High Life cans in front of your television whilst watching various Olympic events and screaming “America!” on loop until your Canadian or Russian neighbors got jealous and called the police, who in turn tried to claim that you are somehow at fault if you like to watch TV in the nude and can’t afford curtains. And indeed, the Olympics have successfully managed to captivate and connect its viewing audience as it always does, uniting entire communities over a common passion. Except, oddly enough, in the case of this year’s host country, wherein failure apparently opens you up to disturbingly hateful critiques from your own countrymen.

Switching gears, it seems that one thing we can all agree on, regardless of our cultural divisions, is the inherent ridiculousness in the possibility that Brandon Vera could somehow receive a title shot if he is able to defeat Mauricio Rua in impressive fashion, or vice versa. We know we’ve been a little hard on him today – it’s not like it was his decision to overhype a fight by implying title implications only to be reamed out by fans for doing so shortly thereafter, that was Dana White — but on the short list of contenders currently in the Light Heavyweight Division, Vera is just a step above Mostapha al-Turk, whom you may recall is a retired heavyweight who was released from the UFC over two years ago. And he’s fighting Shogun f*cking Rua, aka the man who ended The Machida Era. Arguably twice. 

Spoiler: There is no way in hell that Vera is beating Shogun this Saturday, and we’d be willing to wager a bottle of ipecac on it, if you know what we mean. So in honor of what has been a highly competitive Olympic games thus far, and what will surely be a one sided ass whooping at UFC on FOX 4, here are 10 things, ranked in no particular order, we will more than likely see happen at this year’s Olympics than “The Truth” beating “Shogun” on Saturday.

Over the last ten years, we’ve watched Mauricio “Shogun” Rua go from young phenom to living legend. Though injuries and and controversial judging have occasionally slowed his momentum during the second half of his career, Shogun enters next weekend’s UFC on FOX 4 matchup with Brandon Vera as a standard-bearer for his generation of fighters, and is still considered among the elite of the light-heavyweight division.

In honor of Rua’s continuing legacy, we’ve picked out the 16 videos that best summarize his journey as a fighter — from the past to the present, from his most unforgettable triumphs to his most crushing defeats. Enjoy, and pay your respects in the comments section.

Mauricio Rua vs. Rodrigo Malheiros de Andrade. Shot in 1998 when Rua was just 16 years old, this footage shows the future PRIDE/UFC star competing in a Muay Thai smoker in somebody’s house in Curitiba, Brazil. Though Shogun shows flashes of his trademark aggression, his technique hasn’t quite blossomed yet, and he winds up getting head-kick KO’d at the video’s 7:15 mark.

Mauricio Rua vs. Rafael Freitas, Meca World Vale Tudo 7, 11/8/02. Rua was 20 years old when he made his official MMA debut against Rafael “Capoeira” Freitas, who was tenacious in his attempts to put Shogun on his back. But Freitas couldn’t keep him there, and the standup exchanges were lopsided in Rua’s favor. After a few minutes of abusing his opponent with knees, punches, and stomps, Shogun finally puts Freitas out cold with a head-kick.

(“Call me Aldo Montoya again, bitch!”)

By Seth Falvo (@SethFalvo)

When Nick Ring walked to the cage on Saturday accompanied by professional wrestling legend Bret “The Hitman” Hart, it was one more example of mixed martial arts’ quirky love affair with professional wrestling. Oh sure, we like to pretend that we have nothing in common with those peculiar Puroresu practitioners because our sport is real, both in terms of the violence and the personalities associated with it. Nonsense. With fake fighters crossing over to the real stuff, real fighters crossing over to the fake stuff, fake matches “borrowing” their outcomes from real fights, real promos “borrowing” from the classic fake stuff and multiple guys dabbling in both sports, the line between the two is arguably blurrier now than it was back when Ken Shamrock was ankle locking fools in the World Wrestling Federation.

It should come as no surprise then that we’ve seen our share of professional fighters attempting honest-to-God professional wrestling moves in real fights. We know, we know: We’re totally not supposed to be trying this stuff at home. But fortunately for us, the following brave men have ignored the countless warnings, the advice of their trainers and their own common sense to provide us with the most entertainingly reckless ways to injure their fellow men.

But before we break out the face paint and spandex, let’s establish how I’ll be ranking such absurd maneuvers. The moves will be ranked based on their immediate effectiveness, how true to form they stay to their kayfabe counterparts, and the competence of their opponents. Let’s face it: Even if you do something insanely cool and difficult from professional wrestling in an MMA fight, if you then get knocked out, you still look like a chump. Let’s also acknowledge that a punch to a downed opponent has no business being called The Worm without the accompanying theatrics. Finally, it’s a lot easier to pull off a complex move in a fight when your opponent totally sucks at fighting. Those are my rules, and if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya: LET’S BEGIN!

(Thanks to tufentertainment.net for the fitting logo.)

By Nathan Smith

With the recent announcement that Roy Nelson and Shane Carwin have been named as the coaches for the next installment of The Ultimate Fighter series, the MMA universe immediately launched into a full-blow orgasmic ticker-tape parade complete with tons of flying confetti and a marching band belting out death metal tunes. Once I heard the news, it was as if my life instantaneously turned into a beer commercial and the entire Potato Nation was invited. There was a rad pool-party, barbeque, a plethora of hotties, endless alcohol, and an overall quest for fun.

Well . . . . . actually, none of that happened. In fact, when word spread that Nelson and Carwin would helm the next season of TUF, it was officially filed under “WTF?” Judging from the comment section, most of the CP brethren didn’t care for the choices either. TUF is coming off a season that saw the ratings dip lower than they ever had, which could partially be blamed on the move to FX and the dreaded Friday night time slot. Regardless of the variables for the ratings drop, something drastic needs to be done, but is anybody really convinced that Carwin and Nelson are the answer to TUF’s slow and painful demise? Let’s start from the beginning and take a look back to see if this runaway train can be coaxed back onto the main rail.

The Season That Started it All 

The inaugural season of TUF featured future Hall of Famers Chuck Liddell and Randy Couture as the competing coaches who would go mano y mano at the PPV after the season finale. For fans of the UFC, that was good enough for most to initially tune in for the Fertitta-funded experiment. It still remains the best crop of young talent and personalities to ever grace the show; future stars like Forrest Griffin, Stephan Bonnar, Josh Koscheck, Chris Leben, Diego Sanchez, Mike Swick, Kenny Florian, and Nate Quarry were all complete unknowns vying for stardom in a fledgling sport. You mix in the whole “fatherless bastard” angle and the show was off and running even before the awe-inspiring climax between (pre TRT) FoGrif and The American Psycho. Even before that, we were treated to the greatest speech of all time that has since been condensed into a few words. “Do you wanna be a fighter?” Though there were other memorable moments from the seasons that followed, Zuffa should have quit while they were ahead because it would never be this good again. The unrefined personification of immature talent, undeniable aspirations and gonzo-sized balls oozed from the boob tube during every episode.

Every great sport has been built on the backs of men who absolutely sucked at it — athletes whose hapless failures made the champions’ triumphs look even more outstanding by comparison. Baseball has its Mario Mendozas, its Bob Kammeyers, its Pete Rose Jrs. We have our Joe Sons, our Tiki Ghosns, our James Toneys. So in honor of the brave competitors who proved that MMA is even harder than it looks, we humbly present this “tribute” to the worst UFC fighters of all time.

A couple of notes to start: 1) We chose fighters solely based on their performances inside the Octagon. Some of these fighters achieved great things in other organizations, before or after their time in the UFC; for the purposes of this feature, we’re not really interested in that. 2) Instead of ranking one form of suckitude against another, we’ll group the 50 fighters into sections and arrange them chronologically. Use the links below to navigate, and if we omitted anybody notable, please let us know in the comments section.

- Ben Goldstein

Page 1: The Pre-Zuffa Punchlines
Page 2: The One-and-Done Wonders
Page 3: The Repeat Offenders
Page 4: The Not-Ready-for-Prime-Time TUF Guys
Page 5: The Barely-Worth-Mentioning Washouts

(What?! Every beast needs to take a cat nap every now and again.) 

For reasons we will never truly understand, a lot of emphasis seems to be placed on the monikers designated to a given fighter. For guys like Randy “The Natural” Couture, the nickname often represents an extension of a their personality, or an underlying philosophy that they bring into the cage. Guys like Renato “Babalu” Sobral, on the other hand, carry perhaps the most authentic nicknames of them all; names that, although holding little to no meaning in terms of the fight game, were bestowed upon the fighter as a child and simply stuck. And then there are guys like Justin “The Nsane1″ McCully, whose nicknames were most likely derived from an ill-fated, drunken AOL Instant Messenger conversation at 3 a.m. with the intent of finding something “fresh” and “intimidating” to bring to the table.

But even lower on the nickname totem pole than the Joe Lauzons and the Kendall Groves of the world are the guys whose nicknames completely clash with the public’s perception of who they truly are, their gameplan once they step into the ring, or simply their abilities as a fighter in general. So it is with that in mind that we present you with a brief rundown of the top ten fighters who are in desperate need of a name change if they want to continue to be taken seriously.

#10 - Sam “Hands of Stone” Stout

Not only does Stout have only one knockout to his credit in his 13-fight UFC career, he only has one finish in his UFC career. Granted, the KO he managed to pull off against Yves Edwards at UFC 131 was a freakin’ brilliant one, but you don’t see Chad Mendes calling himself “The Guillotine Machine” because he was able to pull it off once a couple years ago. Perhaps “Hands of Limestone” would be something a little more appropriate.

Yes, it’s ugly, trashy and tasteless to include Arianny on this list. Just like this t-shirt. Props: UFCStore.com

MMA fighters aren’t exactly known for their fashion sense. So it should come as little surprise that most MMA t-shirt companies produce some pretty questionable designs. The rampant abuse of foil print, skulls, chains, tribal designs and nautical stars among most MMA t-shirts is bad enough on its own; even worse when you consider that they sell for thirty bucks a pop.

Which I guess makes it all the worse when a fighter makes his way to the cage covered in an “athletic fit” Old-English mess. Not only is the shirt revolting, but it’s going to sell for an outlandish sum of money, and be worn by every overweight Texas Roadhouse chef, milquetoast tech support geek and muscle-bound frat boy.

Perhaps the reason that we’ve never attempted an “Ugliest Walkout Shirts” post is because ranking these train wrecks is like ranking, well, actual train wrecks. No matter what order you place them in, you’re a total scumbag for attempting to rank a tragedy from most to least depressing. And besides, you’re clearly wrong about which one belongs at number three. For that reason, these will not be ranked, per se, but rather categorized. How you feel these shirts fall into place is up to you.

Let’s start with the most obvious category:

(“You’ll never get me Lucky Charms!”)

For nearly four years, the Japanese MMA promotion DREAM did its best to carry the mantle of PRIDE, presenting the same mix of top international talent and freak-show comic relief, all inside of a traditional ring, rather than a filthy American cage. But we were hit with some sad news this weekend as multiple sources reported that DREAM has ceased day-to-day operations, and will no longer be producing events. So as we like to do when great MMA traditions die, let’s take a look back at some of the fights that made this promotion so unique, so entertaining, and so balls-out insane…

#8: Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Melvin Manhoef
DREAM.4, 6/15/08 

Though Kazushi Sakuraba’s fame was partly based on his willingness to absorb damage from larger fighters, the level of savagery that Melvin Manhoef inflicted on him during their meeting at the Yokohama Arena probably should have convinced Saku to walk away from the sport. The moment when Manhoef drags Saku away from the ropes by his leg so he can dive in to continue the assault (see the 2:43 mark above) remains one of DREAM’s most indelible and brutal moments.

#7: Shinya Aoki vs. dumb-ass gaijin
DREAM.7, 3/8/09

Another tradition that DREAM inherited from PRIDE? Absurd mismatches. At the time of this fight, Aoki was widely considered to be a top-3 lightweight, while Gardner was an obscure 13-7 journeyman who was coming off a loss to Brian Cobb. Aoki’s domination on the mat was no surprise, but the fight became legendary for how it ended. Stuck with Aoki on his back, Gardner took advantage of a brief pause in the action — and the near-silence in the Saitama Super Arena — to wave to the crowd and shout “Hello Japan!” Aoki immediately wrapped up Gardner’s neck and choked him out, causing the crowd to break out in laughter and Bas Rutten to cry “Oh my God it is so dumb! So dumb! Why?!” Some things just can’t be explained, Bas.

In June 2010, we posted a list of the ten greatest fighters who had yet to take a loss. By November 2011, none of their perfect records were still intact, proving once again what a cruel bitch this sport is. Half of the fighters on our original list — Shane Carwin (#1), Megumi Fujii (#2), Ryan Bader (#6), Evan Dunham (#7), and Lyle Beerbohm (#10) — have even lost *twice* since then. So we decided to start over from scratch and come up with a new ranking of undefeated MMA fighters. Check it out, and let us know who you think will hold onto their ’0′ the longest. -BG

#1: DANIEL CORMIER (10-0, six wins by first-round stoppage)

Notable victories: Jeff Monson at Strikeforce: Overeem vs. Werdum (UD), Antonio Silva at Strikeforce: Barnett vs. Kharitonov (KO R1), Josh Barnett at Strikeforce: Barnett vs. Cormier (UD)

Next fight: TBA

The former collegiate wrestling star and Olympic competitor went through hell to get to where he is today. Less than three years after kicking off his MMA career, Cormier battled his way to a career-defining matchup against ex-UFC champ Josh Barnett — a catch-wrestling savant with four times as many fights on his pro record as Cormier — in the finals of Strikeforce’s Heavyweight Grand Prix. But Dan didn’t need to turn the meeting into a grappling match. As he also demonstrated against Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva in his previous outing, Cormier packs enough speed and punching-power to win fights with his striking alone. It’s only a matter of time before he enters the UFC to take on the best in the world, and we have a feeling he’ll make an immediate impact.

#2: MICHAEL CHANDLER (10-0, eight wins by stoppage)

Notable victories: Patricky Freire at Bellator 44 (UD), Eddie Alvarez at Bellator 58 (sub R4), Akihiro Gono at Bellator 67 (TKO R1)

Next fight: TBA

Michael Chandler is the perfect example of how a tournament can transform a fighter from unheralded prospect to breakout star. After winning his first two Bellator appearances by swift first-round stoppage in 2010, Chandler was invited to participate in the promotion’s season four lightweight tournament. The Xtreme Couture product sliced through it, starting with a first-round submission of Polish prodigy Marcin Held, and ending with a decision win over knockout artist Patricky “Pitbull” Freire in the finals. Then, Chandler did the unthinkable — he took the lightweight belt from Eddie Alvarez, choking out the formerly untouchable Bellator champ in the fourth round of an insane Fight of the Year candidate last November. (A follow-up non-title match against Akihiro Gono was little more than a one-minute showcase of his killer instinct.) In eight months, Chandler went from 5-0 up-and-comer to newly-minted champion with a win over a top-ten ranked opponent. Is it okay if we use the “meteoric rise” cliché, just this once?

(Come on…hasn’t Mark Hunt suffered enough?)

Tomorrow night in San Jose, Josh Barnett will face the greatest challenge of his post-PRIDE career when he meets Daniel Cormier in the finals of Strikeforce’s World Heavyweight Grand Prix. (FYI, we’ll be liveblogging the Showtime main card starting at 10 p.m. ET, so don’t make any big plans.) Barnett’s comfort-level in the cage and catch-wrestling expertise have led him on a four-year winning streak, and one more victory could earn him an improbable return to the UFC. In honor of this pivotal moment for the Warmaster, we decided to round up his five greatest submissions. Enjoy, and shoot us your predictions for Barnett vs. Cormier in the comments section…

(Josh Barnett vs. Semmy Schilt; UFC 32, 6/29/01)

Barnett’s first submission in the Octagon came against gigantic kickboxer Semmy Schilt, who had made his UFC debut the previous month by smashing Pete Williams. Wisely, Barnett avoids the standup game entirely, immediately taking the Dutchman to the mat. Schilt is absolutely helpless underneath the Babyface Assassin, and eventually gives up mount. Barnett waits for the right moment then attacks Schilt’s arm, giving up position in the process. It doesn’t matter — Barnett sinks the armbar at the 4:21 mark of the first round and establishes himself as a fearsome heavyweight grappler.

(It turns out Miguel was actually making grape jokes, which I have no problem with whatsoever.) 

By Nathan “The 12ozCurls” Smith

Here at CP, I see “us” as a bunch of cynical, condescending, annoyed class-clowns that have a genuine love for the sport of MMA. We love great fights and enigmatic fighters, it’s really that simple. Whether it is a fighter’s personality or in-ring performance, we try our best not to be “nut-huggers,” but sometimes these things happen in MMA (Damn you Georges!). Because I wanted to curb any bias towards fighters that I might have, I tried my best to not be like a 14 year-old girl, so I avoided Twitter like an invitation to a Mike Whitehead BBQ – but I have given in. Not to the invite, but to my status as a new member of Twitter, and I must admit, there are some pretty damn compelling, comical, and surprisingly elegant MMA fighters that can wax poetic in 140 characters or less.

“Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one and they think everyone else’s stinks.”  I believe that phrase was coined by Sigmund Freud or the Dalai Lama…or George Carlin. Whoever came up with the analogy was clearly a genius with a tremendous affinity for “Dirty” Harry Callahan. So take a big whiff because these are the MMA fighters that I think you should be following on Twitter with a few examples from their recent timelines.

Kenny Florian - twitter/@kennyflorian

We were all introduced to KenFlo on TUF 1. Although he was somewhat overshadowed by more flamboyant participants and in-house scuffles, he’s elevated himself within the UFC as one of its most versatile members. Whether as a fighter or broadcaster, he displays his wit and charisma like a true pro, but on Twitter he mixes in self-deprecation with an almost narcissistic vibe.

“When I’m being threatened, I will start doing splits to let ppl know what’s up. I always get mistaken for a talented dancer or gymnast.”

“Is a bow tie & no shirt too formal for a charity event I’m going to next week?”

“Guys, stop putting high expectations on fighters. @rory_macdonald didn’t steal my hairdo, he borrowed it. #Respect”

“If you’ve never taken a man’s shoe & beaten him with it then you’ve never been in a street fight. #KenFloFacts”

(That look in Chuck’s eyes — we know it well. / Full gallery is after the jump.)

Since our 25 Most Awkward Photos in MMA History gallery was such a big success, and because we could all use some stupid fun on a Friday afternoon, we decided to put together a GIF-based sequel. Enjoy the uncomfortable hilarity, and if we left out any of your favorites, please post some links in the comments section. Have a great weekend, Potato Nation!

(“You and I were long friends; you are now my enemy, and I am yours. – Ben Franklin)

By Jason Moles

Friendship is, and always will be, one of life’s trickiest puzzles. It is also one of the most rewarding and enriching experiences a person will ever have. But despite all of the wonderful joys that come from having a friend, not all friendships are made to last the sands of time like Fred and Barney. How could they? Ego, pride, and the opposite sex often reduce the strongest of bonds to mere ashes. And we wouldn’t want it any other way because some guys make good friends, but much better enemies. Here’s a look at five classic friendships gone awry…

Jon Jones – Rashad Evans

In a time when instant gratification is king, the world is still awaiting the showdown between former friends and training partners, ‘Suga’ Rashad Evans and Jon ‘Bones’ Jones. Jackson’s MMA used to be a place where the two sweat and bled together, side by side, day after day — as friends. These two were more like brothers than Ken and Frank, so much so that they vowed never to fight each other, suggesting someone would fake an injury to avoid the confrontation at all costs.

We’ve had multiple in-cage showdowns, a twitter beef or two, and a minor club incident since the moment the young rising star confirmed that he would indeed fight the former TUF 2 winner if Dana White really wanted him to. Fast forward a year and the two have still yet to fight thanks to injuries, both real and imagined. Some would argue that “Good things come to those who wait,” but patience is not a virtue most of us possess. We want to see these dudes throw down now! All we are concerned with at this point is who the teacher is and who is the student.

“A job, a job, my kingdom for a job!”

Let’s face it: being a professional fighter is pretty much the coolest job on earth. Even if you never get to wear gold, you can party like a rockstar and make a decent living, not to mention the benefits–oh the benefits. Few of us will ever know the pleasure of punching our coworkers in the face—in fact it’s generally frowned upon—and for that I am eternally jealous. But in the corporate world we live and die by a universally accepted code of conduct that one can follow to stay on the straight and narrow. For the professional ass-kicker, the guidelines are less concretely defined. As evidenced by an increase in pink-slips for cage-unrelated activities, mixed martial artists are not issued the same employee handbooks as their 9-5 brethren. With that in mind, here are a few axioms from the office that may prove handy for our leather-throwing friends as they walk the fine line between living large and unemployment.

(No, no, not THAT kind of ultimate fighter.) 

Seven years. Fifteen seasons. The Ultimate Fighter has been a part of our lives for nearly a decade, ladies and gentlemen, and not only is it still going strong, but it has spread at the rate of your average zombie apocalypse. With the first international installment of the hit reality show already under way, TUF has seemingly evolved beyond its counterparts, transcending even that of the sport in it’s ability to excite, and often inspire its audience. Sure, the next season of Jersey Shore will feature a piss drunk pregnant woman and a possible probable cokehead and will therefore rule the ratings from here to eternity, but The Ultimate Fighter has something better to bring to the table than fabricated drama. Mainly, sweet ass knockouts.

Seven years of sweet ass knockouts, to be precise. That’s the entire length of Tommy Callahan’s college career.

With these knockouts, we’ve seen underdogs pull off upsets, loudmouths get their comeuppance, and the emergence of future superstars. So in honor of what has already been a KO-ridden season of TUF, we decided to watch every season back to back, and determine the BEST knockout from its respective season. Enjoy.

(Don’t play that shit around Senator Harry Reid. This is the man who *invented* invisible lat syndrome.)

As the editor of an MMA website, I’m constantly bombarded with images of tattooed skinheads engaged in gay foreplay. And yet, there are times when I’m faced with an image that even makes me uncomfortable. Check out 25 of the most chillingly awkward MMA photos in the gallery after the jump, laugh nervously, then avert your eyes in shame…

(Step 1. Absorb EVERY kick, Step 2. ??????, Step 3. Profit. Props to the brilliant cine-files over at Pajiba for the inspiration behind this article.) 

Mixed martial arts fans are perhaps the most ruthless group of people out there; a quick scroll down any one of our comments sections only confirms this. One minute, a certain fighter is praised as a ruthless, badass hombre cut from the same cloth as the greatest champions the sport has ever known, and the next, they’re being told to save themselves the embarrassment of another performance and just retire already. It’s a crazy sport.

But then there are those few and far between fighters that we choose to rally behind regardless of where they currently stand in the MMA ranking system. Sometimes it’s simply because they can make us laugh, and other times it’s their “go for broke” mentality that wins us over. Sure, they’ve dropped seven of their last eight, including one to a drunken bar patron who accidentally stumbled into the ring, but all of those fights were like totally awesome, bro, so who are we to complain when they are kept around while other, more talented fighters are let go?

Here are eight fighters we will continue to root for, no matter how quickly their performances make us silently wish otherwise.

#8 – Aaron Riley

(Even when Riley *doesn’t* lose a fight, he still loses the fight.) 
Current record: 30-13-1
Record in last five fights: 2-3

Aaron Riley’s nickname could very well be “TUF Fodder,” because the man has fought nothing but The Ultimate Fighter alums, and often winners, for the better part of his UFC career. And it’s a shame, because the dude always brings the fight to these whippersnappers, but simply hasn’t been able to put any of them away. Most recently, he had his jaw broken again by TUF 13 winner Tony Ferguson at UFC 135. Back at UFC 105, he was made into mince meat by TUF 9 winner Ross Pearson. Set to square off against, you guessed it, TUF 12 alum Cody McKenzie, at UFC on FUEL 3 in May, Riley may be looking at his final chance to prove he can hang with these young guns before he is demoted to the Strikeforce roster. Speaking of a certain Alaskan native…

(“Tweet this mofo to Dana and get me a fight with Sean McCorkle.”)

After watching Tim Sylvia’s overwhelmingly unimpressive “berserker” workout today from his unlikely (read, hopeless) guerilla campaign to get back in the UFC, we were reminded of the fact that some guys (and girls), no matter how passionate they are about the sport of mixed martial arts, just aren’t cut out to be fighters. Before you shoot the messengers, Tim admits himself that he was never the best athlete or fighter, but in today’s climate, he may not even be able to be more than an undercard heavyweight in the UFC.

Whether it be physical limitations or a deficiency in the skill set department, unfortunately for even the most passionate fighters sometimes heart and size aren’t enough to carry a career.

Just ask Butterbean and Zuzulinho.

In honor of those stubborn buggers in the sport, we’ve compiled 10 videos of other people who likely won’t be inking a contract with a notable MMA organization any time soon.

Check them out after the jump.