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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

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“Where Are They Now?”: Famous Victims Edition


(Don’t worry Bob, it can only get better from here. That has to be true at least once in a while.) 

Imagine this scenario; you’re an up and coming fighter in the cut-throat world of MMA who’s finally earned his shot at the big time. The packed stadium, the camera crews, the ring girls, they’re all there. And best of all, your fight is about to be broadcast for the world to see. “I’ve made it,” you think as you bathe in the bright lights shining down on you.

But then, before you know what hit you, you’re looking up at a large, possibly Rastafarian man, who’s asking if you know where you are. And for the rest of your life, you are dubbed “that guy who got destroyed by ______ .” No matter what you accomplish, you will always be known for one bump in the road that just about everyone happened to witness. Well, here at CP, we know this story all too well, so we decided to check up on a few of these poor suckers, VH1 style, and find out what they were up to. Because knowing is half the battle. Enjoy.

Dos Caras Jr.

What (most of us) know him for: As one of the victims of the greatest MMA technique of 2003.

What he’s been up to: As it turns out, Dos Caras Jr. has actually had a rather successful career since nearly being decapitated by Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic back at PRIDE – Bushido 1. His real name is Alberto Rodriguez, and he actually wasn’t that bad of a fighter. Honestly, considering he both wore a mask and went by a fake name, he was a pretty damn awesome fighter, and easily the most successful. After dropping a unanimous decision to Kazuhiro Nakamura at Pride 27, “Two Faces” went 6-1, with all wins coming by way of stoppage. He even managed to pull out a head kick KO of his own back in 2010 against 3-8 fighter Arthur Bart.

Where he is now:

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Video Timeline: MMA’s Greatest Techniques of the Year, 1993-2011

Nick Diaz Takanori Gomi PRIDE 33 gogoplata
(Ah, 2007. A very fine year for gogoplatas. / Photo via Sherdog)

By Ben Goldstein

Over the last two decades, MMA has evolved so consistently that fighters are still finding new and unexpected ways to destroy their opponents — while causing fans to spit their beers in shock. We decided to take a lil’ spin through MMA history and identify the single most awe-inspiring technique from each year since the sport’s modern inception. We expect you to disagree with us; there’s a comments section just for that purpose. And away we go…

1993: Royce Gracie’s Rear-Naked Choke
vs. Ken Shamrock @ UFC 1, 11/12/93

(Fight starts at the 3:54 mark)

You have to remember that in the early ’90s, a well-placed roundhouse kick to the head was considered the pinnacle of martial arts. What Royce Gracie introduced to fight fans in his early UFC run was something much more practical, less flashy, and a little bit scary. Gracie’s submission of Ken Shamrock — and the similar hold he used to stop Gerard Gordeau in the finals — proved that skill beat size, and pajamas beat man-panties.

1994: Dan Severn’s Suplexes
vs. Anthony Macias @ UFC 4, 12/16/94

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Five More Things That Dana White Would Be Pretty F*cking Stupid Not to Do

By Jason Moles

As soon as Joe Rogan put the mic in Chael Sonnen’s face for the customary post-fight comments at UFC 136, it hit us; Sonnen is clearly the best trash talker in the history of the sport.

Everyone watching went bananas as the American Gangster challenged the pound-for-pound king, Anderson Silva, to a ‘Loser Leaves Town’ match. At that point in time there is nothing MMA fans wanted more* than to see that fight happen, Dana White included.

USA Today recently caught a word with UFC President Dana White where he told them that he “would be pretty f*cking stupid not to book Silva vs. Sonnen 2.” It seems that Captain Obvious has reared his head once again to the delight of almost everyone.

This got me thinking about other things that, if left undone, would make Dana White pretty f*cking stupid. Keep on reading below and put me on blast for being a TUF Noob in the comments.

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Always a Bridesmaid: The Six Best UFC Fighters Who May Never Taste UFC Gold

kenny florian
(Look into my crystal ball Kenny, and ye shall see thine future.) 

There is a lot on the line at UFC 136. Not just the two titles and the future title match implications, but a chance for two men to finally capture the gold that has long eluded them. I’m speaking of Kenny Florian and Gray Maynard of course, who’ve both been chasing UFC gold for the better part of their careers, only to fall inches short of the finish line. For Gray, who many people felt deserved a title shot over current champion Frankie Edgar in the first place, it was the resilience of the champ that proved to be his undoing. And for Florian, it was just a terribly unlucky spell when it came to title fights. But come Saturday, both men will have a chance to erase our doubts and finally move up to that deluxe apartment in the sky.

Unfortunately, Florian and Maynard are not the only men who have felt the repercussions of looking directly into the belt. There are a few guys out there who just seem destined to be number 2 in a company that loves to fuck with the number 2. Anyway, we thought we would awkwardly point out six of them, excluding “Kenflo” and “The Bully,” from across the room for your reading pleasure. And we’re going by Brock Lesnar rules here, so interim belts don’t count. Enjoy.

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End of an Era: Honoring the Greatest Moments From UFC on Versus

By Jason Moles

Over the last 18 months, we’ve been lucky enough to get six live fight cards on Versus, completely free of charge. This past Saturday marked the end of Versus’s run as the “home away from home” for the UFC on basic cable. Not to worry, though: More free, live fights will be coming your way soon on FOX, FX, and Fuel TV. We thought we’d take a look back at the best of the best from the “UFC Live” series, but first, here’s how those sixty-five fights were decided: 24 (T)KOs, 15 Submissions, 23 Judges Decision, 2 Doctor Stoppages, and 1 No Contest.

Now let’s hand out some hardware, shall we?

Biggest Upset: Charlie Brenneman Beating Rick Story

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The Seven Most Insanely Dangerous Combat Sports Ever Invented

chainsaw fencing dangeous sports
(Two brave athletes battle for the X-FENCE welterweight title, previously vacated by Ash Williams.)

By Jonathan Shrager

Over the past two decades, Mixed Martial Arts has evolved from a no-holds-barred freak show to a heavily regulated, network television ready enterprise that is accepted by a large slice of the general public. But even with the sport’s modern improvements and safeguards, there are still detractors who contend that MMA is nothing more than low-bred street-fighting operating under the guise of an organized competition.

In honor of the upcoming DVD release of Arena — a truly insane modern-gladiator flick starring Samuel L. Jackson and Kellan Lutz — we thought we’d give the MMA critics some perspective by presenting a list of the most brutal and dangerous combat “sports” ever invented. From shock-fighting to bear-baiting, they defy logic, celebrate gratuitous violence, and remind us just how far the human race has come Enjoy…

For more dangerous fun, check out the latest Sony Action Unleashed DVDs!

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Six MMA Fighters Who Fought Through Illness and Won

vomiting MMA fighter Eder Jones Brazil
(Eder Jones wins fight, loses pie-eating contest.)

This Friday marks the official start of Autumn, and like clockwork, I’m catching a goddamned cold. There’s something about the change of seasons that seems to wreck my immune system, which has grown frail due to a life of solitary blogging and poor hygeine. So as I chug my Airborne/orange juice cocktail, let’s all take inspiration in these six men, who were way worse-off than I am now, and still managed to kick ass.

GEORGES ST. PIERRE
vs. Thomas Denny @ UCC 12, 1/25/03

Method of victory: TKO (cut), 4:45 of round 2
In his own words: ”I took the fight and I was really sick. I was so sick, after the first round I thought I was going to fall unconscious. And I told my cornerman, I’m like, listen, when the second round will start I will try a high kick in the beginning and if I don’t knock out my opponent, I want you to throw the towel. My cornerman look up at me like this, he said ‘Georges, I don’t have a towel, you’re gonna die in the ring.’

And I got so angry, I was like, I can’t believe this guy, he’s supposed to be my friend, he wants me to die in the ring. So I stood up, I hear the [bell], I fought through it, and by some kind of miracle I was able to cut the guy and to TKO him and the referee stopped the fight. I was completely exhausted. That was my toughest fight.”

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MMA Video Tribute: 12 Jaw-Dropping First-Punch Knockouts


(Steve Ramirez vs. Darvin Wattree @ Pure Combat IX. This is how you do it, folks.)

To turn somebody’s lights out with one shot is a thing of beauty — but to do it with the very first strike you land? That puts you on a whole ‘nother level of awesomeness. Our favorite first-punch MMA knockouts continue after the jump. Condolences to those brave, unfortunate souls who went through eight-week training camps just to get assed-out in less than 10 seconds.


(First-punch knockout, cheap-shot-style. The YouTube description tells us that these guys are cousins. Now that’s country.)

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Five Brother vs. Brother MMA Fights We’d Actually Like to See


(Rosenthal, you scene-stealing son-of-a-bitch.)

MMA history is littered with badass sets of brothers — the Nogueiras, the Shamrocks, the Ruffos — but we wouldn’t necessarily want to see them cage-fight to the death. There are, of course, a few exceptions to that rule. In honor of tomorrow’s release of Warrior, which features two estranged brothers who [SPOILER ALERT!] beat the crap out of each other at the end, we humbly present our top-five dream fights between bros. Enjoy…

Clay Guida vs. Jason Guida
Clay Guida Jason Guida UFC slap gif funny MMA gifs

With all the times that Jason has slapped his brother in the face before UFC fights, you’d think that Clay might want to give some of it back, just once. Sure, the Carpenter would be at a solid 50-pound weight disadvantage, but I think he’d take it by decision due to his pace and his wrestling. Besides, it’s been too long since we’ve had a good open-weight freak show fight in this country.

Patricio Freire vs. Patricky Freire

This is basically the 2011 version of “I wonder what would happen if Shogun and Ninja fought each other?” With a 17-1 record and a Bellator Season 4 tournament sweep to his credit, Patricio Pitbull is undoubtedly one of the greatest featherweights outside of the UFC. (Notable moments: His TKO of Georgi Karakhanyan and destruction of Wilson Reis.) Patricio’s lightweight brother Patricky is just as ferocious, as proven by his knockout of Rob McCullough and highlight-reel flying-knee against Toby Imada. Make it happen, Bjorn.

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MMA Video Tribute: Alistair Overeem’s 10 Greatest Knockouts


(Don’t feel bad, Todd — that’s still 18 more seconds than we would have lasted.)

After four years of whipping heavyweights around the world, Alistair Overeem has finally signed with the UFC, and will fight Brock Lesnar on December 30th. (*Pause for happy-dance*) Though Overeem has more submission victories on his MMA record than knockouts (19 compared to 14), the Demolition Man has become infamous for the destructive power of his fists and knees — which he’s also showcased to brutal effect during his parallel career in K-1. So in honor of his new gig as a UFC fighter, we decided to rank our ten favorite Alistair Overeem knockouts of all time. Enjoy, and let us know your personal favorite in the comments section…

#10: Alistair Overeem vs. Lee Tae-Hyun
DREAM.4, 6/15/08

Overeem got an easy draw for his DREAM debut — South Korean ssireum wrestler Lee Tae-Hyun, who came into the fight with a 1-1 MMA record. Thirty-six seconds later, Tae-Hyun had a 1-2 record and a fresh concussion.

#9: Alistair Overeem vs. Brett Rogers
Strikeforce: Heavy Artillery, 5/15/10

In his first Strikeforce heavyweight title defense in two-and-a-half years, Overeem completely outclassed the Grim, ragdolling him just part the one-minute mark, then smashing Rogers with ground-and-pound until the challenger crumbled.

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