(Damn, Junior…give away your gameplan much? / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.com)

After a preliminary card dominated by relatively normal-sized men — borrrrring! — we’ve finally arrived at tonight’s central theme: Big sons-of-bitches. That’s right, UFC 146‘s main card features five consecutive heavyweight fights, most of which look pretty damn entertaining on paper. Can massive underdog Frank Mir pull off Impossible Career Comeback #2, or will he succumb to the buzzsaw-like boxing of Junior Dos Santos, just like so many before him? Can Lavar Johnson score two knockouts in the same month (!), or is he in over his head — figuratively, and otherwise — against Stefan Struve? And does Roy Nelson really think he’s doing himself any favors with that ratty-ass gray beard?

It may be an all heavyweight main card, but the bantamweight is stealing the show. Props: MMAFighting.com

We’re just hours away from UFC 146, so it’s time to turn on FX and watch the preliminary card. This evening’s all heavyweight main card will kick off with the lighter guys, as Diego Brandao makes his first post-TUF appearance against Darren Elkins, Dan Hardy and Mayhem Miller fight for their careers against Duane Ludwig and C.B. Dollaway, and Edson Barboza takes on Jamie Varner in what may potentially be the squash match/upset of the year. Handling tonight’s liveblogging duties will be Seth Falvo, who will be frantically checking to see if his beloved Philadelphia 76ers can take Game Seven during commercial breaks. Come in after the jump for live play-by-play.

Tonight’s UFC on FOX event is looking to be one for the ages, Potato Nation. The alcohol-fueled spirit of Cinco De Mayo has overtaken most, if not all, of the U.S of A by this point, and I’m no exception, so lets skip the fancy introductions and get right to it.

Preliminary results
-Karlos Vemola def. Mike Massenzio by submission (rear-naked choke) at 1:07 of round two.
-Roland Delorme def. Nick Denis by submission (rear-naked choke) at 4:59 of round one.
-Dennis Bermudez def. Pablo Garzo by UD
-Danny Castillo def. John Cholsih by UD
-Louis Gaudinot def. John Lineker by submission (guillotine choke) at 4:54 of round 2
-John Hathaway def. Paskal Krauss by UD
-John Dodson def. Tim Elliot by UD
-Michael Johnson def. Tony Ferguson by UD

A couple musings from the prelims:

-Apparently some McDonald’s Happy Meals DO come with Jiu-Jitsu Blackbelts. Just ask Mike Massenzio.

-Nick Denis has a ridiculous rat tail, but it can’t match up with Roland Delorme’s iron chin. What an amazing round of action that was.

(“…but my body! My BODY, is telling me yeeahh!” / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.com)

At long last, we’re finally going to find out if watching Jon Jones and Rashad Evans fight is as entertaining as discussing it. The two light-heavyweight rivals — who sport similar haircuts, completely by coincidence — will settle their beef at the end of tonight’s UFC 145 main card, backed by a supporting lineup that includes Rory MacDonald vs. Che Mills, Brendan Schaub vs. Ben Rothwell, and Miguel Torres vs. Michael McDonald.

Live, round-by-round results from the UFC 145: Jones vs. Evans pay-per-view broadcast will be collecting after the jump starting at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, courtesy of CagePotato flyweight liveblog champ Aaron Mandel. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know your thoughts in the comments section. Now take our hand, Constant Reader, and follow us into the abyss…

It’s finally almost time for UFC 145, which means we have some preliminary fights on FX to make snarky comments through. We have a fight between TUF champions turned gatekeepers Mac Danzig and Efrain Escudero, a matchup between Anthony Njokuani and John Makdessi, we find out if Matt Brown will live to fight another day against Stephen Thompson, and we get a heavyweight bout between Travis Browne and Chad Griggs to keep us entertained before the main card tonight. Grab a sammich and a bottle of the finest flavor of Night Train Express that the nearest gas station sells and join us for round-by-round results.

Live, round-by-round results from the UFC 145: Jones vs. Evans preliminary broadcast will be collecting after the jump starting at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, courtesy of CagePotato’s ultimate (weekend) warrior, Seth Falvo. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know your thoughts in the comments section. Please stand by.

(Three hours later, Thiago Alves weighed in at nearly 200 lbs. There’s no punchline coming, that just needed to be said.) 

Tonight’s UFC on FX event marks a lot of firsts for the fighters involved. Guys like Joseph Benavidez, Cole Miller, and Demetrious Johnson will be testing the waters in new weight divisions, even if some were forced to violate a certain CagePotato ban whilst doing so. This evening will also mark the debut of not only the 125 pound flyweight division, but that of two possible future title contenders in said division, Ian “Uncle Creepy” McCall and Yasuhiro Urushitani. It’s amazing, no, inspiring to know that the rosy-cheeked, industrious members of the Lollipop Guild have finally reached Emerald City; they’re almost like people now. I salute their Herculean accomplishment, and encourage everyone reading this to follow your own yellow brick road, so to speak, in their honor.

Anyway, join me, Jared Jones, as I liveblog tonight’s event, starting at 9 p.m. ET/6 p.m. PT. Refresh your page every so often, and if I’m not piss drunk by the time this thing starts, we might just make it all the way to the end.

“Is it too soon to talk about Sandusky, or should I wait ten years, like Paterno?” Props: MMAJunkie.com

“The House that Jordan Built” is sold out for the UFC’s return to Fox, which features three times as many televised fights as its Fox debut. Can Chris Weidman make a name for himself against Demian Maia? Will Chael Sonnen challenge Anderson Silva to a casket match after tonight’s fight? Does Phil Davis establish himself as a contender at light-heavyweight, or does Rashad Evans set himself up to get overlooked for yet another title shot? We’ll answer all this and more as it unfolds.

Handling liveblogging duties tonight is Seth Falvo, who will be watching the event with some old friends. Please direct all complaints about spelling and grammar, comments about the liveblogger’s sexual preference and unrelated conspiracy theories directly at him. Spoilers after the jump.

“I’m not even kidding you, man! It must have been four feet of linguiça. And ‘Humble’ ate the whole thing, just now backstage!” (Photo: UFC.com)

It’s 1 AM in Rio De Janeiro and and the locals have turned out in droves to cheer on their countrymen and wish death upon foreigners. It may not be very sporting of them, but we’ve pretty much thrown professionalism out the window this weekend.

Is Mendes the right Alpha Male to topple Aldo in his own backyard? Does Belfort have enough power to put away one of the UFC’s top heavyweights? And will Palhares’s overwhelming desire to tear limbs apart overcome his instinct to stop fighting in the middle of a bout?

Come join me, Chris Colemon, inside for the answers to these questions and more.

“I hate to have to tell you this, Mr. Bailey, but you’ve got a severe case of liveblog. It won’t be long now.” (Photo: UFC.com)

The good news: you’re all but guaranteed more than sixty-four seconds of action this evening. The bad news: you’re going to have to pay for it.

Nothing in life is free, not even punches to the face. Take Dan Henderson, for example. “Hollywood” was once considered too costly of an investment for the UFC, but after an impressive three-fight win streak he was deemed too valuable for Strikeforce. Tonight he makes his return to the Octagon after a two year hiatus. Does old Hendo have enough gas in the tank for one more title run, or will the “old” Shogun show up and ruin his homecoming.

Though he may not have the cleavage to warrant video commentary, weekend editor Chris Colemon does possess the sort of typing skills that get you beat up by jocks in high school. Come join him inside for the best play-by-play coverage you’ll see on this site tonight.

          When you see it…                                   PicProps: MMAJunkie.com 

Alright Nation, we are on the brink of what is possibly the most important event in human history since ever.  We stress the word “possibly” in that sentence, so no silly hate mail about Steve Guttenberg inventing the bench press, or whatever.  And please, don’t talk to us about the historic impact of the so-called “moon landing”.  Everyone knows that the whole Apollo mission was filmed on a sound stage in Arizona.

This historic event will be broadcast live on a major network to a bajillion people, so it’s not even really a contest.  Two large men will fight for money and everyone and their Nana can watch; if Jesus shows up tonight in a tuxedo t-shirt we wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest.  It’s such a huge deal that the UFC is basically giving Fox just the tip to see how it feels, airing just one fight off of a pretty sweet ten-fight lineup.

Come around and hang out with us for all the fights, because you know we’re going to have you covered, Nation.  Fights start at 4:45ET on Facebook and FoxSports.com, the big-deal television show kicks off at 9ET.

Oh, and hit “Refresh” frequently, since everyone seems to tell people to do that.

[RX]

“Where’s your liveblog now, Playboy?” (Photo: FiveOuncesOfPain.com)

Chael Sonnen may have opted to stay home this weekend, terrified of losing his ranking as the biggest ass on the continent, but the rest of the MMA world has descended upon Rio de Janeiro and dammit we’re going to blog about it!

It’s the UFC’s triumphant return to Brazil and we’ve got a treasure trove of questions to work through tonight. Will there be enough carrots to get the fighters to and from the stadium safely? With Joe Rogan absent, can Kenny Florini fill the void in nut shot and cup-related conversation? Will the raucous Brazilian audience make good on the riots that Vancouver expected?

There are probably some questions related to the fights as well, and time permitting we will answer them. Join us after the jump to catch the punch-by-punch PPV action and to explain why your favorite fighter just lost and/or had an off night in the comments section.

Seriously, is this intimidating to anyone?  Either of them?  PicProps: MMAJunkie (obviously)

The UFC is in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, tonight for a live show on Versus, with some really good fighters on tap from the Facebook fights beginning the evening to the veterans retiring after putting on one more show.

I’ll start updating shortly with the Facebook fights, and we go live with the Versus show at 9PM ET.  Come on in early and start drinking; i’m way funnier that way.  Also, hit F5 on your keyboard to refresh often.  It won’t make me work any faster, but something funny might happen.

For discussion:

What’s next for Hardy if he comes up short?

With Jim Miller – Ben Henderson on the card to remind us of the logjam at 155, how can we make sense of the lightweight division?

And shouldn’t Clay Guida still be carrying around the WEC belt?  Because that would be dope.

OK, Nation, it’s my first time so take it easy on me. Mmmkay?

[RX]

Well, UFC 133 is live from the home of Rocky Balboa tonight so let’s get this thing going and see how Philly does this shit.

Spoilers are after the jump.

(Well, *somebody’s* already got the “Creep of the Night” bonus all sewn up. Pic: UFC.tv)

What will 55,000 screaming Canadians sound like? Our best guess: Loud, but polite. That politeness may well be tested prior to tonight’s main event, when California hippie Jake Shields takes the cage. The UFC – and champion Georges St. Pierre – have gone out of their way this week to cast Shields as the biggest threat yet to St. Pierre’s dominance. That in and of itself is interesting, since a year or two ago you likely wouldn’t have been able to get anyone from the UFC to admit Shields was better than guys like Josh Koscheck or Thiago Alves for any amount of money. It is truly a new day in MMA, kids. Anyways, we’ll be live with results and commentary of the PPV card beginning at 9 p.m. EST time. Don’t forget to hit refresh early and often to keep up with the latest updates.

(“’I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.’ Walt Whitman, bitches! What!” Pic: UFC.com)

If you believe Jon Jones’ personal Twitter feed, it sounds like he, Greg Jackson and Mike Winkeljohn chased down and subdued a criminal crackhead this afternoon after they witnessed said crackhead stealing a GPS navigation system out of some lady’s car. That’s Jersey for you. Seriously though, can you even imagine the poor, unlucky-ass vagrant who’s just out for his Saturday afternoon smash-and-grab when he suddenly finds himself involved in a foot pursuit with this fucking guy? That’s one race you are not going to win, son. Yahoo’s Steve Cofield has the story, though to get the gist you really only have to read the following two sentences, which sound like they came out of a goddamned Joseph Wambaugh novel or some shit: “In the scuffle, the robber was bloodied. The trainers said some blood got on their pants.” Pure Poetry, Cofield, for real.

Now, if Jones manages to follow up his citizen’s arrest by winning the UFC light heavyweight title tonight against Shogun Rua at UFC 128? That’ll make for a pretty epic day, man. Speaking of epic, our live blog of the PPV event kicks off at 10 p.m. EST. Prior to that, we’ll probably shoot you some short recaps of the SpikeTV prelims, too, if we feel like it. Don’t be afraid to hit refresh early and often. You won’t want to miss this …

(Hit refresh early and often to stay, uh, abreast of the latest updates … Pic: CombatLifestyle)

In the main event of UFC 127 tonight, a laidback vegan ragamuffin fights a bloodthirsty Hawaiian cannibal to determine some sort of vague No. 1 contender status for a welterweight title which could soon be very much in flux. Will Jon Fitch’s strategy of nonviolence win the day? Or will the night end with BJ Penn licking Fitch’s green, iron-deficient blood off his gloves? Either way, will it ultimately mean anything? There’s really only one way to find out: Sit somewhere thousands of miles from the show’s point of origin and follow this website’s second-hand textual analysis of the high definition moving pictures we’ll be watching on the TV. If that doesn’t work, well, try Twitter or something.

Also, imagine our pleasant surprise this afternoon when we discovered our ridiculously inclusive satellite package actually does carry the Ion Network. In light of that, we’ll probably be posting short-ish recaps of the three televised prelims beginning at 9 p.m. EST. When the PPV itself kicks off an hour later, we’ll be live with updates and uninterrupted snark for the duration. Thanks in advance for your attention in this matter …

 
(So at $1,000,000, you payin’ me $4,219 a pound, sucka!!)

Well, Potato Nation, tonight’s the night we’ve been waiting for for months. The question on everyone’s mind will finally be answered: "Is Will Forte really leaving Saturday Night Live?"

OK so maybe that’s not the question on everybody’s mind, but it’s definitely bugging Will’s agent and his parents.

Ben and ReX13 are off schmoozing at the UFC Fan Expo, where I would have been as well if I could cross the border (more on that at a later date, but I will tell you it involves a bar brawl and a Bruce Lee instructional book I’ve owned since I was 13) and  Chad Dundas is off the grid attending an Amish wedding, which leaves me here to supply you guys with some play-by play action from tonight’s festivities in Boston.

The co-main event will undoubtedly produce some differing opinions on James Toney’s place in the grand scheme of the UFC’s heavyweight division and the main event should decide whether or not BJ Penn simply had an off night in Abu Dhabi.

Before we get to it, we’d like to announce the winner of our Boston UFC Fan Expo. The winning ticket is #031014. If this is your number, send photographic proof to contest@cagepotato.com and we’ll hook you up with a $100 gift card to MMAWarehouse.com.

Here’s a glimpse of our uber-popular booth from the expo. Don’t let VivaHate’s nonplussed expression fool you, everyone had a blast this weekend and we got a ton of footage and interviews from fans and fighters.

Results and play-by-play after the jump.
Strap in and get ready. It’s sure to be a rocky ride.

(Couture vs. Coleman: this one’s for all the Geritol. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

What do you get when you roust two old fighters from their rocking chairs and toss them into the cage for a fight that would have been so awesome ten years ago that your head would have exploded at the mere idea of it?  We have no idea, but we can’t wait to find out, just like we can’t wait to see what happens when Chael Sonnen finally has to stop talking crazy long enough to step in there with Nate Marquardt. 

UFC 109 is coming at you from the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas tonight, beginning with some preliminary action on Spike TV at 9 pm EST.  Keep it locked right here for all the live results and insightful commentary you can stand, some of which will be completely obscured by unfortunate typos in the heat of the moment.  As long as you’re here, might as well introduce yourself in the comments section and begin making obscure film/music/pop culture references that are only funny to you.  Huzzah!

(Let’s all take one last look at Shogun and then call it a day. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

So you missed Dana White by ten minutes when he was giving away tickets at the mall, and now you’re desperate for UFC 104 results coupled with pithy commentary?  We’ve got you covered.  From Lyoto Machida and "Shogun" Rua squaring off to determine which Brazilian guy with poor English skills is on the top of the 205-pound heap, to Ben Rothwell and Cain Velasquez‘s heavyweight tilt and maybe even the Yushin Okami/Chael Sonnen bout that the UFC is intent on protecting us from, we’ll be rolling right along and typing about what we see.  Won’t you join us and accuse one another of being gay, newbs, or both in the comments section?

The action gets underway at 6 pm PST/9 pm EST.  Remember to hit refresh often.

(Just after this photo was taken, Rashad respectfully grabbed his nuts and blew Lyoto a kiss. Props to Combat Lifestyle.)

It got Koscheck. It got Okami. It got Alexander and Irvin and Wilson. But by God, the UFC 98 curse will not rob us of seeing Sean Sherk and Frankie Edgar fight to an inevitable decision, or Dan Miller submit Chael Sonnen in the first round, or Rashad Evans and Lyoto Machida counter-counter-punch for the light-heavyweight title — unless the arena collapses within the next few minutes, which is always a possibility. Live round-by-round updates from tonight’s pay-per-view broadcast are after the jump; refresh the page regularly to see all the latest. Let’s get ready to EVAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!

(Photo courtesy of Esther Lin at AllElbows.com. You might also want to check out "Cyborg" Santos’s reaction to missing weight. Does that seem like a woman who is even a little bit sorry?)

The talking is done, the agreed upon weights have been ignored, and the Stockton Heybuddy’s have been thrown out.  That means there’s nothing left to do now but fight.  All you lovers of crazy antics needn’t worry though, because if there’s one thing that’s almost guaranteed in a bout between Frank Shamrock and Nick Diaz it’s poor sportsmanship.  

We’ll be liveblogging all the action tonight, so grab a cold one, make sure your CAPS LOCK key is disengaged (you know who are you are) and let’s all jump right in and have ourselves a time.  Remember to hit refresh often.  We’ll get started any minute now.

(Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

It’s a lovely spring day in Columbus, Ohio and the streets of the Arena District are teeming with fans eager to find out, can Keith Jardine really continue his streak of ruining every good plan the UFC has, or will "Rampage" Jackson save him from the ethical quandary of a potential future title shot against his dear friend Rashad Evans?  We’ll be liveblogging all the action as it unfolds, so stick with us.  And when I say stick with us I really mean it.  God help me, if I find out you’re two-timing us with some other liveblog there will be hell to pay.

Before we get started, how about giving this a quick Digg.  It only takes a second, and you’ll feel better about yourself afterwards.  Remember to hit refresh often to keep up with the action.  We’ll get started any minute now…

(Diego will try anything to get to 155.  Anything.)

With UFC 95 (which we’ll be liveblogging) just a day away, we took some time to berate one another regarding some of the more pressing issues surrounding the UFC’s trip to London.  Okay, so there’s essentially no main event here, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still have some fun with a night of free fights on Spike.  Plus, there are Chael Sonnen’s ridiculous claims to discuss, and so much more…

What are Diego Sanchez‘s chances as a lightweight contender? Who has the skills to beat him?

BG: His chances are freakin’ excellent. Sanchez was already the fifth best welterweight in the UFC by my count (after GSP, Alves, Fitch, and Koscheck), and he’s looked incredibly dangerous in his last two wins over David Bielkheden and Luigi Fioravanti. I was particularly surprised to hear that he was dropping to lightweight because it seemed like he was gathering steam for a title shot at welterweight. Think about it: Fitch and Kos have already been dominated by St. Pierre, and if Alves can’t beat the champ this summer, who else is ready?

(Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

We’re closing in on the start time for UFC Fight Night 17, an event whose fairly mediocre lineup threatens to be hopelessly overshadowed by the tornado of MMA controversy and news.  But no matter, there are free fights on and we’re going to enjoy ourselves, dammit.

Hit refresh often and don’t bring me down with your bitching about how Jeremy Stephens isn’t a main event fighter.  He is tonight.  Think positive!

(Gono‘s Afro wig gives Fitch much happiness.  Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

The MGM Grand Garden Arena is sold out for tonight’s event, leaving lonely men to wander the casino floor and mutter hopeless pleas for spare tickets.  But you, you lucky bastards, have this liveblog.  It’s as elusive as Lyoto Machida, as much of a chick magnet as Georges St. Pierre, and as steeped in straight-up, gangsta realness as Nate Diaz.

We’re going to get started with the prelims at about 5 pm PST, so if you don’t want to ruin the undercard results for yourself, tread carefully.  Otherwise, hop on and enjoy the ride.  Remember to hit refresh often.  But before we get started, how about helping us out with a Digg.  Thanks.  You’re the best.

("Wait a minute, *Dan* Henderson? I totally thought I was fighting someone else! Well good luck to you, sir!" Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle. More photos from the weigh-ins here.)

We’re coming up on 3 p.m. East Coast time, and I gotta tell you, it’s a little weird to be up this early on a Saturday. But no worries, because I’ve got a six of Guinness, a half-bottle of Jameson, Thin Lizzy blasting on the stereo, and I’m pretty much ready to liveblog the crap out of the UFC’s first event in Dublin. We may not all be Old and Bald, but just for one afternoon, can’t we all be a little Irish? Hit that "Read More" link and refresh the page every few minutes to get round-by-round updates and commentary for UFC 93. Sláinte… 

(Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

The MGM Grand is abuzz as the start time for UFC 92 closes in.  Tapout t-shirts flood the casino floor and bored girlfriends in halter-tops linger near the slot machines, popping their gum and sipping Michelob Ultras as part of their continued vigilance against carbs.  Truly, it is a magnificent scene.  And though it may not be officially the main event, all over town you can hear people talking about Wanderlei Silva and “Rampage” Jackson.  The consensus seems to be that short of one man growing wings and flying out of the Octagon, nothing that happens in this fight will be too great a surprise.  That’s how volatile and unpredictable it is.

Your favorite liveblogger is live and on the scene at the MGM Grand Garden Arena, so stick with me all night for news, results, wisecracks and analysis.  Prelims are scheduled to get started at around 5:15 PST.  If you’re holding out hope of seeing Antoni Hardonk and Mike Wessel broadcasted tonight, you might want to skip over that so as not to have it spoiled for you.  Or not.  Your choice.

I would remind you to hit refresh often, but you already know to do that.  You sharp devil, you.

(Don’t ask.  Don’t tell.  Courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

That’s right, people.  It’s F²T² time (Fight For the Troops, get it?  Thanks to commenter Rxdrug for the assist on that one) and I am ready to go.  The card may not be star-studded, but it’s a lot of guys with something to prove in front of perhaps the most testosterone-fueled crowd in recent history, so I have a feeling something magical could happen tonight.  Or, worst case scenario, we see some free fights.

Remember to hit refresh to keep up with the action.  I’m all hopped up on tacos and high-powered gas station coffee, so you do not want to mess around and get left behind when this party train leaves the station.

(You ready for this? Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

We are live at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas for an extra-special, on-the-scene liveblog of UFC 91. What does that mean for your life? It means preliminary results, witty observations about crowd members, and constant updates as to what Arianny Celeste is up to throughout the night. At the same time, I don’t want to miss out on all your hilarious quips about the live broadcast, including but not limited to the banter between Joe Rogan and the century man, Mike Goldberg, so please fill me in with your comments.

Liveblog begins after the jump. Hit refresh often. If you don’t want the prelims spoiled for you…too bad. Just suck it up and deal.

(As a Brazilian might say, Patrick is about to get haped. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

Last week, I sent a letter to Dana White asking if the UFC’s tired old gladiator intro could be replaced with this for tonight’s broadcast. So, fingers crossed. Anyway, we’re about to witness the beginning of the end of Anderson Silva’s career (and possibly Cote’s, depending on how badly he gets injured tonight), a potential fight-of-the-night between the Pitbull vs. the Koscheck, a heavyweight feature that shouldn’t have even been approved by the athletic commission, and a few guys who couldn’t finish a fight to save their balls. Join us, won’t you? Round-by-round updates and commentary await you after the jump; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.