(A stern anti-marijuana crusader hand-in-hand with the marijuana king of Oakland? Looks like Martin Scorsese just found his next screenplay. Photo via Esther Lin/MMA Fighting)

There’s really not much more that can be said about Pat Healy’s — or really, any other fighter’s — positive test for marijuana and subsequent suspension/fines. As insane as it is that we live in a world where marijuana usage often carries a higher penalty for MMA fighters than that of steroids, it’s also a rule that every fighter understands the moment they become an employee of the UFC. Simply put, if you’re not smart enough to understand exactly how long marijuana metabolites stay in your system prior to a fight, you pretty much deserve what’s coming to you. It’s the reason I picked a line of work that literally allows me to blow bong hits at my computer screen while writing this. Not that I am — as with alcohol, I don’t believe in smoking before noon. On weekdays.

That’s not to say that we relish whenever a fighter is busted for marijuana, in fact it’s usually quite the opposite. In the case of Healy, he had the biggest (and possibly most exciting) win of his career negated and over 100k in bonus money revoked because he liked to kick back with a little Wildwood Weed after a day of getting his ass kicked. It’s a better excuse than most of us have, but don’t expect the man who received his revoked $65,000 “Submission of the Night” bonus, Bryan Caraway, to offer him any sympathy. In an interview with MMAJunkie, Caraway shot from the hip when discussing his feelings for all of us you dirty, pot-smoking degenerates:

I couldn’t be more happy, and it was an insanely pleasant surprise

All I’ve got to say is that’s some expensive weed. I like Healy a lot. I came up through the fighting ranks with him. We used to train together at Team Quest. I love the guy. But I have absolutely zero remorse or guilt.

I hate weed. I cannot stand it. I’ve never tried it. I’ve never smoked a drug in my life. So I have absolutely zero tolerance for people that do it. I don’t care if it’s legal in some places or not. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous. Whether it’s legal in real life or not, they tell you to follow the rules. You need to follow the rules.

(Short version: We’re going to pretend this fight never happened, just like we’re going to pretend marijuana is a performance-enhancing drug. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

The greatest night of Pat Healy‘s career has been retroactively changed to some old bullshit. Following his fantastic rear-naked choke victory over Jim Miller last month at UFC 159 — which earned Healy Fight of the Night and Submission of the Night awards totaling $130,000 — “Bam Bam” failed his drug test, coming up positive for marijuana. As a result, Healy’s win has been changed to a no-contest, he’s been suspended from competition from 90 days, and he’s being forced to return the aforementioned $130k in bonus money and his $5,000 win bonus.

Healy confirmed the news in an official statement:

“I would like to start off by apologizing to the UFC, Jim Miller, the MMA community, it’s fans, my family, teammates and coaches for my positive testing for marijuana after my UFC 159 fight with Jim Miller. I was fully aware of the UFC and State Commission’s drug policies and made poor life choices. I stand behind the UFC and the State Commission’s disciplinary actions. I support efforts to make MMA and sports a clean, safe and fair place to compete…

(“If you shortchange me again, Nick, I swear to God that retirement will no longer be an option for you.” Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

Despite his longtime standing as one of the best referees in MMA, veteran official Josh Rosenthal has been noticeably absent from the octagon as of late. While he informed BloodyElbow earlier this month that his absence was the result of a staph infection, it turns out that his troubles were less physical — unless he has the worst case of glaucoma this world has ever seen — and more legal. According to the U.S. District Attorney’s office in Oakland, California, Rosenthal recently plead guilty to conspiracy to manufacture and distribute marijuana after a warehouse he owned containing 1,356 plants — valued at a street value of six million dollars — was raided last year. Rosenthal now faces a pretty lengthy jail sentence (via MMAJunkie):

Rosenthal is due in U.S. District Court on May 17. The government is recommending 37 months in jail, fines and five years of probation, during which he would be subject to random searches, according to the agreement. Without a deal, he faced 10 years to life in prison, a $10 million fine and a minimum of five years’ probation. 

Rosenthal, who agreed to a plea deal in January, did not respond to request for comment. His lawyer of record, Ted W. Cassman, was unavailable for comment. 

Three years just for weed?! Damn!

(And this is the face he will make after he does.) 

Since being released from the UFC following his second positive test for marijuana in his past three fights, TUF 7 alum Matt Riddle has been doing his damnedest to burn every last bridge that might possibly connect him to the organization he has literally built his entire professional MMA career in. And while Riddle succeeded in raising some interesting questions regarding the UFC’s policy of hiring and firing fighters during his recent interview on The MMA Hour, he also succeeded in completely sabotaging any potential of a return trip to the sport’s highest promotion, which according to him, is something he would prefer:

What I see happening is, a year or two from now the UFC calls me back after I’ve won probably like five or six fights, hopefully. And I’ll probably, at the time, say, ‘No.’ Because I really don’t like the direction they’re taking the company. They’re firing high-level talent so they can have lower level talent just scrap, and they’d rather have a brawl than a good technical fight. I think that’s going to be their downfall, because the fans are getting more educated. They’re getting smarter, and they don’t want to just see a slugfest and two retarded guys with brain damage bleeding everywhere.

Dana White’s response was expectantly blunt. Get it? Blunt? Be honest, that pun is so great you’d probably beat your kids in a fit of jealous rage if you weren’t so goddamn stoned.

Much more from this interview after the jump. 

(…and don’t even get me started on that damned Bubonic plague business.) 

We’ve talked a lot about marijuana in MMA around here lately, mainly as a result of the recent statements made by UFC VP of regulatory affairs Marc Ratner, who declared that Dave Herman might be forced to undergo a rehabilitation program following his second positive test for cannabis in just four fights at UFC 153. Simply put, Ratner’s belief (although he didn’t state it outright) that marijuana was a bigger concern to the various athletic commission governing the sport than that of PED’s, is a load of horseshit. Pure, unadulterated, horseshit.

Enter boxing promoter Bob Arum, a dusty old geezer with an intellect rivaled only by garden tools who feels that the sport of MMA is rampant with homosexual skinheads that couldn’t throw a punch to save their life. He’s not exactly phone-a-friend material if you catch our drift. But when it was revealed that Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. had tested positive for marijuana following his unanimous decision loss to Sergio Martinez on September 15th, fans and members of the media alike were anxious to see how Arum would react to it.

Simply put, his response would have made Dana White proud.

(Unfortunately for him, Bonnar’s sad puppy face failed to inspire any sympathy.) 

Not that it really matters given his retirement from the sport and all, but according to the UFC’s VP of regulatory affairs, Marc Ratner, the verdict has already been turned in for Stephan Bonnar, who pissed hot after his UFC 153 loss to Anderson Silva. “The American Psycho” will receive a one year suspension as a result of his positive test for Drostanolone. But again, being that Bonnar pulled a Richard Nixon and got the fuck out of office — thereby negating the weight of all possible punishments — we’re sure he won’t be planning on putting up much of a fight. The fact that he has yet to even make a statement regarding his test further solidifies this theory.

But here’s where things get interesting.

Also according to Ratner, the punishment in the case of Dave Herman‘s second failed test for marijuana will not only be a suspension of “months,” but could require him to enter a rehab facility as well.

(If this man does not strike you as the kind of person who spends most of his free time getting stoned, playing Xbox, and waxing poetic about the flaws of Jiu-Jitsu, then we don’t know who does.) 

When we first heard word that Stephan Bonnar and Dave Herman failed their UFC 153 drug tests — for Drostanolone and Marijuana respectively — we couldn’t help but reflect on the timeless words of George W. Bush when he stated, “Fool me once…..shame on………..shame on you. Fool me, I can’t get fooled again.” Unfortunately for Bonnar and Herman, they failed to fool the piss test even once while in the UFC (at least to our knowledge) and have felt the unforgiving wrath of the Interwebs as a result of their insolence. Hearts were broken. Tears were shed. Butts were hurt.

And in an effort to gauge their fellow fighters feelings on the issue, FightHubTv recently interviewed such fighters as Travis Browne, Eddie Alvarez, and Tyrone Spong to get some perspective on the issue. Also, Rampage Jackson threw in his two cents and actually managed to do so without turning the interview into another “Dear Diary” entry aimed at the UFC. Good for him.

Video after the jump. 

(Don Frye is holding a revolver. Your argument is invalid.) 

These days, Don Frye is less an MMA fighter, more a philosophizer on facial hair, poontang, and the keys to being an alpha male in every given situation that life presents. Don’t get us wrong, Frye will still lay the boots to any hooley-hoo punk-ass jabroni who’s asking for it at the drop of a hat, but thanks to our recent “Ask Don” mailbag column, we’ve been lucky enough to set Frye’s legendary MMA status aside and simply pry into his mind in the hopes that maybe some of it will rub off on our measly, pathetic lives. So check out his latest dose of sagacity below, make sure to leave your own questions in the comments section, and then visit DonFrye.com to buy some stuff that will instantly skyrocket your popularity with the ladies.

bgoldstein asks: Don, I heard you were doing some stunt-work recently for a movie. Like, you weren’t in the movie, you were just stunt-manning for some other actor. The fuck is up with that?

I enjoy stunt work. I am paid extra by the theatrical community to do the stunt work instead of acting work. Due to my extraordinary talent, all would forget about Brando, Olivier, and DeNiro when I am performing dialogue and emotions in front of the camera. Can you imagine Don Frye performing emotions in front of the camera? (Ed note: No. No I can not.) 

(As you can clearly see, there’s no way I could have smoked any weed before UFC 143 because I had not picked even a single nugget yet. I rest my case.)

Since he tested positive for marijuana metabolites after his UFC 143 loss to Carlos Condit and was suspended for a year and fined nearly $80,000 by the Nevada State Athletic Commission (NSAC), Nick Diaz has fought the punishment in just about every place he could, and continued Wednesday by filing a Memorandum of Points and Authorities to support his petition for judicial review. So far, Diaz and his high-profile legal defense team have struck out in appealing to the Nevada State Attorney General and the NSAC itself in a hearing.

The NSAC has thirty days to respond and after that a judge will hear Diaz’ petition. Luke Thomas and MMA Fighting spoke with a member of Diaz’ legal team:

The Commission needs to understand that it cannot act with impunity in the exercise of its authority…In Diaz’s opinion, while fighters must respect the lawful authority of state athletic commissions, they should not accept unjust and unlawful disciplinary action. Further, Diaz finds it bizarre that the Commission is vigorously policing legal marijuana use outside competition while at the same time endorsing and sanctioning the use of steroids and testosterone — which has a direct effect on fighters and their opponents in competition. The Commission needs to refocus itself on protecting fighters and the fairness of the combat sports they regulate. Diaz believes this legal proceeding may provide the Commission a helpful push in the right direction, for the benefit of all fighters and the reputation of the sport itself.

Diaz’s petition has some interesting and seemingly compelling parts to it, including his lawyers’ contention that marijuana metabolites are not, in fact, banned substances. But they also continue to stretch out some arguments.

(Negative side effects of TRT: Bacne. Positive side effects: Falcon Punch.) 

My God, today’s NSAC meeting, which determined both Chael Sonnen’s future ability to continue legally injecting steroids testosterone replacement therapy and Nick Diaz’s minimum retirement length was like watching Lawrence of Arabia, twice, minus all of the train explosions and shots of interesting desert landscapes. To describe the six hour hearing in a word: humdrum. Thankfully, we’ll be much briefer in summing up what went down.

To kick off the afternoon, Sonnen was successful in achieving a therapeutic use exemption for testosterone replacement therapy, and now joins the like of Dan Henderson, Todd Duffee, and Shane Roller in the select group of MMA fighters to receive an exemption from the Nevada State Athletic Commission. As far as interesting developments go, Sonnen admitted that he injected himself with testosterone, stating, ”I administer two times a week, every Sunday and Thursday. It’s self-injected intermusculatory and [I] consider it to be a prescription.” When Commissioner Pat Lundvall asked why Sonnen had never listed using testosterone on his medical forms over the past few years, Sonnen stated that he was under the impression that it wasn’t something that needed to be disclosed. He also stated under oath that he “has never taken anabolic steroids.”

In another interesting moment, which took place before the hearing truly began, Keith Kizer likened TRT to “the new Viagra” as doctors continue to push it on the population and that “Therapuetic Use Exemptions do not allow you to test outside of normal ranges. It only allows for presence of synthetics.” Does this make Sonnen TRT’s Smiling Bob? Only time will tell.