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Tag: Martial Arts Fail of the Week

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Systema Instructor Takes Out a Compliant Biker Gang

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Martial Arts Fail of the Week here on CagePotato.

First we were busy crafting the 95 Theses of MMA.

Now we’re busy with another magic, top secret project that likely won’t surface for a few weeks at the very earliest. But rest assured, we have our top men working on it…Top. Men.

As a result, we haven’t really had the time to delve through YouTube’s dearth of martial arts vids and expose hilarious frauds and fails. Thankfully, a Twitter-friend (@BurritoBrosShit) tipped us off to the video we’re presenting you today: A Korean Systema instructor showing how much of a bad-ass he is by beating up compliant training partners dressed as bikers. One of them is dressed as Marty McFly from Back to the Future.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Pagan Ninja Prostitute Teaches You How to Make a Smokescreen

We really wish we had more to say about this week’s Martial Arts Fail, PotatoNation. But the video and the headline sort of speak for themselves. It’s a ninja who happens to be a witch, a pagan, and an escort (according to her extremely NSFW twitter). In the above video she does some cool ninja moves of dubious real life effectiveness and teaches you how to make a smokescreen.

The below video has some more intense ninja training (sword fights, fire, scaling buildings, throwing stars, and even an arm-bar) and it can be seen after the jump.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Balinese White Magic Is the Best Base for MMA

Remember when we said nobody on Martial Arts Fail of the Week could possibly be worse than Ashida Kim?

We might’ve been wrong.

Enter Yellow Bamboo, a martial art based on “Balinese White Magic” which promises to create “the necessary power within you to achieve whatever positive outcome you desire.”

In the case of the above video, the outcome most people desire is apparently being able to send legions of defrauded fools into spasms by posing and screaming as loud as you possibly can like you’re on Dragon Ball Z.

What’s even better is that these Jedi Knight-like powers can be yours, FREE! All you have to do is send the school an email and they’ll send you the download link. Fortunately for the Potato Nation, someone linked their training on YouTube. It’s as laughable as you might expect. There’s crazy, rice-related initiation ceremonies, holy water, singing, full moons, energy beams, and other insanity. This might be the most cult-like martial art we’ve ever seen.

The best part of all this, though, is that some of these Yellow Bamboo guys were officially exposed in a real fight, not unlike the Finnish Ki master who was featured on CagePotato’s first-ever Martial Arts Fail of the Week. Check out these Yellow Bamboo scrubs getting choked out after the jump…

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: The Mystic Art of Bo Fung Do

What, you haven’t heard of Bo Fung Do? Are you some kind of martial arts hobbyist or something? We only cater to hardcore fans at CagePotato, so here’s the rundown:

Bo Fung Do is “a martial art system geared for practical self defense against one or more opponents.” It’s a Wing Chun offshoot whose name means “The Way of the Sudden Storm.”

Judging by the above video, there’s no better way to prepare for a street fight against multiple opponents than to flail at opponents adorned in more padding than a self-conscious teenage girl’s bra.

Actually, we’re not being fair. There’s another crucial aspect to this ancient, prestigious art:  Fighting in front of some strobe lights while being blasted with fake snow. See a video of it after the jump.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: “27 of the Deadliest Poison-Hand Techniques Ever Devised”

This is the jackpot, Potato Nation. It’s the most god-awful Martial Arts Fail we’ve ever seen.

Before you keep reading, watch the video. Our words can’t do it justice. It epitomizes the unfortunate but ever-present fraudulent side of martial arts. For every legitimate school teaching people how to defend themselves, there are 1,000 schools teaching the kind of complete crap in the video.

Did you watch it yet? Because you really need to.

The guy in the video is no martial artist. He’s a conman who calls himself Ashida Kim. Bullshido.net, a website dedicated to exposing martial arts fraud, performed an in-depth investigation on Kim, who’s real name is Radford W. Davis. In addition to peddling this deadly ninja master bullshit, Kim/Davis also mails out phony martial arts certifications. An investigator from Bullshido even managed to get a certificate saying he was a black belt in Vale Tudo from Kim/Davis.

Feeling like you wanna punch this guy yet? Well, he’s got a plan for that. It’s called the $10,000 Challenge, which includes such stipulations as posting a $25,000 “appearance bond” to make sure you don’t skip town as well as paying Kim $10,000 to show, as well as footing the bill for his lodging and food. Nice.

Oh, and this guy also claims he can levitate. Watch the video of him attempting to do so after the jump.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: This Makes Point Fighting Look Like Frye-Takayama

Remember last week’s Martial Arts Fail–the one with the worst karate demo known to man?

This week, we have a follow-up to that video in the form of a sparring match between two black belts from what appears to be the same school. That’s right, a sleuthing member of Reddit unearthed the dojo’s identity. Apparently, this Taekwondo McDojo is called the World Martial Arts Association and is headquartered in Brooklyn. If the words of an anonymous Redditor who claims to have once been a student can be believed, they charge $40 a class, and $600 per belt test. Here’s the full thread on Reddit, in case you’re interested in this sort of thing.

The funniest (or saddest) part, however, isn’t on Reddit or YouTube, but on the school’s own website…

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: The World’s Worst Karate Demo (No, Really)


(via Bullshido.net)

This week’s Martial Arts Fail isn’t deriding a dubious technique or making light of a strange weapon. No, this week we’re providing a demonstration of how bad mainstream martial arts is.

Watch the above video. That’s what middle class America thinks martial arts is–awkwardly flailing your limbs while concentrating your ki and shouting like you’re in labor. We must warn you though, this video is bad. You might get chest pain from laughing. Or you might get chest pain from depression at what’s become of martial arts instruction in the United States.

We don’t know the school, or the style (Taekwondon’t? You get it? OK it was lame, sorry). All we know is that it’s awful.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Defeating Boxers is THIS Easy

It’s Saturday! Do you know what that means? A day off from the drudgery of office life in middle class America? A lackluster UFC card with a $60 price tag? Unfit for television jobber matches on UFC fight pass? None of these. Saturday means CagePotato’s Martial Arts Fail of the Week!

Last time, we had a bona fide ninja (or as bona fide as a ninja can be) teach us one of Ninjitsu’s most esoteric guard passes. This week, however, we’re revisiting an old friend—Master Wong, of “don’t poke him in the eye or he’ll kill your whole family” fame.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: How A Ninja Passes the Guard

This week’s Martial Arts Fail was going to re-visit Master Wong—the man who warned us that eye pokes would result in our families being murdered. But midway through the week we received a tip from CagePotato contributor Adam Ackerman. When we watched the video he sent us, we knew it had to be this week’s Martial Arts Fail.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: How to Stomp Out a Wrestler

Remember those idiots who taught us BJJ’s five fatal weaknesses (spaz punches and bright red pants being chief among them)?

Well, they’re back. This time, the same “school”—Combatant Extreme Self Defense—is taking on wrestling.

And it’s legit…or at least legit in the sense that the guys who peddle this crap actually believe it works. It doesn’t though. There are more things wrong with this takedown “defense” than are wrong with Vitor Belfort‘s sudden removal from his UFC 173 title bout against Chris Weidman. Let’s just say this: Count yourself lucky if you wind up in a street fight with a “wrestler” who opts to grab your rear leg on a single leg takedown, let alone make thousands of other mistakes.

Stay tuned for next week’s traditional martial art’s fail, where another favorite from the past will be telling us how to defeat boxing with deadly street smarts.

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com.

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