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Tag: Martial Arts Fail

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Systema Instructor Takes Out a Compliant Biker Gang

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Martial Arts Fail of the Week here on CagePotato.

First we were busy crafting the 95 Theses of MMA.

Now we’re busy with another magic, top secret project that likely won’t surface for a few weeks at the very earliest. But rest assured, we have our top men working on it…Top. Men.

As a result, we haven’t really had the time to delve through YouTube’s dearth of martial arts vids and expose hilarious frauds and fails. Thankfully, a Twitter-friend (@BurritoBrosShit) tipped us off to the video we’re presenting you today: A Korean Systema instructor showing how much of a bad-ass he is by beating up compliant training partners dressed as bikers. One of them is dressed as Marty McFly from Back to the Future.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Pagan Ninja Prostitute Teaches You How to Make a Smokescreen

We really wish we had more to say about this week’s Martial Arts Fail, PotatoNation. But the video and the headline sort of speak for themselves. It’s a ninja who happens to be a witch, a pagan, and an escort (according to her extremely NSFW twitter). In the above video she does some cool ninja moves of dubious real life effectiveness and teaches you how to make a smokescreen.

The below video has some more intense ninja training (sword fights, fire, scaling buildings, throwing stars, and even an arm-bar) and it can be seen after the jump.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Balinese White Magic Is the Best Base for MMA

Remember when we said nobody on Martial Arts Fail of the Week could possibly be worse than Ashida Kim?

We might’ve been wrong.

Enter Yellow Bamboo, a martial art based on “Balinese White Magic” which promises to create “the necessary power within you to achieve whatever positive outcome you desire.”

In the case of the above video, the outcome most people desire is apparently being able to send legions of defrauded fools into spasms by posing and screaming as loud as you possibly can like you’re on Dragon Ball Z.

What’s even better is that these Jedi Knight-like powers can be yours, FREE! All you have to do is send the school an email and they’ll send you the download link. Fortunately for the Potato Nation, someone linked their training on YouTube. It’s as laughable as you might expect. There’s crazy, rice-related initiation ceremonies, holy water, singing, full moons, energy beams, and other insanity. This might be the most cult-like martial art we’ve ever seen.

The best part of all this, though, is that some of these Yellow Bamboo guys were officially exposed in a real fight, not unlike the Finnish Ki master who was featured on CagePotato’s first-ever Martial Arts Fail of the Week. Check out these Yellow Bamboo scrubs getting choked out after the jump…

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: The Mystic Art of Bo Fung Do

What, you haven’t heard of Bo Fung Do? Are you some kind of martial arts hobbyist or something? We only cater to hardcore fans at CagePotato, so here’s the rundown:

Bo Fung Do is “a martial art system geared for practical self defense against one or more opponents.” It’s a Wing Chun offshoot whose name means “The Way of the Sudden Storm.”

Judging by the above video, there’s no better way to prepare for a street fight against multiple opponents than to flail at opponents adorned in more padding than a self-conscious teenage girl’s bra.

Actually, we’re not being fair. There’s another crucial aspect to this ancient, prestigious art:  Fighting in front of some strobe lights while being blasted with fake snow. See a video of it after the jump.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: “27 of the Deadliest Poison-Hand Techniques Ever Devised”

This is the jackpot, Potato Nation. It’s the most god-awful Martial Arts Fail we’ve ever seen.

Before you keep reading, watch the video. Our words can’t do it justice. It epitomizes the unfortunate but ever-present fraudulent side of martial arts. For every legitimate school teaching people how to defend themselves, there are 1,000 schools teaching the kind of complete crap in the video.

Did you watch it yet? Because you really need to.

The guy in the video is no martial artist. He’s a conman who calls himself Ashida Kim. Bullshido.net, a website dedicated to exposing martial arts fraud, performed an in-depth investigation on Kim, who’s real name is Radford W. Davis. In addition to peddling this deadly ninja master bullshit, Kim/Davis also mails out phony martial arts certifications. An investigator from Bullshido even managed to get a certificate saying he was a black belt in Vale Tudo from Kim/Davis.

Feeling like you wanna punch this guy yet? Well, he’s got a plan for that. It’s called the $10,000 Challenge, which includes such stipulations as posting a $25,000 “appearance bond” to make sure you don’t skip town as well as paying Kim $10,000 to show, as well as footing the bill for his lodging and food. Nice.

Oh, and this guy also claims he can levitate. Watch the video of him attempting to do so after the jump.

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