(Props: Jerry Rips)

The latest installment of “hilarious UFC audio you weren’t supposed to hear” features bad deaf-jokes, botched game-plans, excessive cursing, and Greg Jackson reaching the absolute limits of human frustration. (As one YouTube commenter already pointed out, Jackson does indeed sound a little like Timothy Treadwell when he’s upset.) Some highlights…

0:00: Some asshole wonders why Matt Hamill needs walkout music if he’s deaf. HA! The joker in question acknowledges that the joke was mean…then repeats it, in case you missed it the first time.
1:10: ”Spread the fuckin’ legs. Fuck. Fuckin’.”
1:53: Hamill’s coach expresses his disappointment in a loving, supportive way.
2:37: “Elbows! Whrrsthgoddmnelbws?? Shut the fuck up. Shut up.”
3:54: “Tito! Get up! Try! You gotta try, Tito!”
4:29: “Well, he wants you to hit him. That’s cool.”
4:49: Donald Cerrone head-kicks Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as steam blasts out of Greg Jackson’s ears.
5:23: Donald Cerrone trips Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as Greg Jackson has a massive coronary and pisses himself.
5:40: Donald Cerrone trips Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as Greg Jackson’s head literally launches off his body.
5:46: “GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! FORWARD!”
6:18: Jackson calls Nate Diaz by his brother’s name, possibly on purpose just to fuck with him.
6:35: Richard. Fucking. Perez.

(Okay, okay,okay, *you* can do whatever you want, Aleks. Just stop looking at us like that.) 

Earlier today, it was announced that former PRIDE star and perpetual blue-balled can crusher, Aleksander Emelianenko, had signed a multi-fight deal with the Russian organization ProFC. Which would be fine, had Emelianenko not announced his retirement from the sport three months earlier after being shitcanned by M-1 Global. Many of you are probably wondering why we are wasting our time poking fun at a long-since relevant Emelianenko brother when we could be, I dunno, predicting who is most likely to test positive for quaaludes at UFC 159, but Aleks’ recent revelation highlights a growing problem amongst MMA fighters: understanding what the term “retirement” is supposed to mean.

Look, we get it. Everyone from Michael Jordan to Muhammad Ali have announced their retirement from their respective sports in the past, only to recant shortly thereafter. It’s understandable to a degree, especially in the fight game. A guy suffers a couple tough losses, begins to fear for his own health, and decides that it is in his best interest — as well as his family’s — to call it a career before he suffers an injury he cannot come back from. Then, after adjusting to the stale, mundane existence that constitutes the lives of most non-fighters, he begins to convince himself that he’s always had “it,” but has just been held back by issues in his training camp, at home, in their own mind etc. — issues which are now completely behind him. If only it were that simple.

(Matt Hamill plays airplane with his freakishly large, Progeria-ridden child after defeating Roger Hollett earlier in the evening.)

It may be a futile effort to draft up these Armchair Matchmakers given the chaos that injuries are creating at every turn these days, but God damn it, a comedic MMA website has to have its principles! So with that in mind, we decided to scour through the wreckage left behind by UFC 152 and provide some potential opponents for the UFC to consider when booking the night’s biggest winners down the line. Join us and voice your opinions in the comments section, won’t you?

Jon Jones: Despite his best trolling efforts, it appears as if the UFC will actually show some common sense and wait to see if Chael Sonnen can at least defeat one “contender” at 205 (you know, the one he’s supposed to face) before expediting him right to a title shot because the fans apparently control the matchups all of a sudden. We were all for Sonnen/Jones on 8 days notice, but it’s clear that Jones only has two opponents truly worthy of getting ground into dog meat by him next. The first is Dan Henderson, who Jones blamed for the whole UFC 151 fiasco in the first place. He’s clearly next in line in a division that is suddenly absent of marketable contenders (sorry, Alex) and will hopefully be back to his normal H-bombing self before osteoporosis sets in and we have to go through this all over again. The second option…well, let’s just say that he would give Jones an offer that he could neither refuse nor defend. Specifically, “Five of these across the sneeze.”

(Oh, jeez. Has Michael seen this poster yet? He is gonna be piiiisssed.)

By Dan “Get Off Me” George

You know that saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Well, such is the case with UFC 151’s trash (which coincidentally resembles the remnants of a totaled Bentley) and UFC 152’s treasure. And those of us who were smart enough to recognize a curse when we saw one and purchase our tickets accordingly will reap the rewards of the 151 fallout by being treated to two title fights on the very same card. Suck it, over-saturation!

This Saturday night, the GAE will attempt to go where no other MMA blog/website/”professional MMA gambler”(my favorite) has gone before, a perfect 4-0 generating plus money dating back to UFC 148. So follow us after the jump as we try to navigate through the good, the bad, and the ugly betting lines of UFC 152: Jones vs Belfort (courtesy of BestFightOdds).

Charlie Brenneman (-225) vs. Kyle Noke (+185)

I feel that the Spaniard will be able to get this fight to the mat and establish himself as the dominant fighter. Hovering around -225, the line is appealing when you examine how Kyle Noke has lost his last two UFC bouts coupled with how Charlie has found victory throughout his UFC career (Ed note: Except here). This fight falls into the good category for betting lines and Brenneman will find his way into my parlay as the well priced favorite here.

(Can you help me, Siri? Well, you can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your shiny, lifeless, screen! And you can give me a bit of fucking good news: a fucking pay-per-view, that actually fucking happens, a fucking title fight, a fucking healthy fighter! Five fucking fights and a ringside seat!)

Well, if the news that Rampage Jackson was out of UFC 153 with an elbow injury wasn’t enough to get you fired up, then maybe this will. Making sure to cap off the summer with a bang, the injury curse of 2012 has struck again. And once again, featherweight champion Jose Aldo is the victim, as he has suffered a foot injury that has forced him out of his UFC 153 bout with Frankie Edgar, whom you may recall was stepping in for an injured Eric Koch. Whom you may recall was originally supposed to face Aldo at UFC 149 until Aldo injured himself for the first time.

It may not have happened yet, but we’re going to go ahead and claim that GSP is out of UFC Whatever with a torn Whachamacallit.

The news was once again delivered by Dana White via his Twitter.

Now Aldo is out with foot injury. Main and co main in the same day!! Another amazing day at the UFC. We have some work to do.

The injury is apparently related to the motorcycle accident Aldo was involved in just under a week ago, which shows us that the injury curse has moved on from simple hope crushing to full-on psychological warfare. Fuck you, injury curse. Fuck you right in the pooper.

So…Edgar vs. Sonnen, anybody?

In related injury news…

(Jesus Christ, Joe, are you playing for the other team?! You don’t snipe in Carentan, saboteur!)  

Of all the seasons of The Ultimate Fighter to have produced upper-echelon fighters and title challengers at 155 lbs., who would’ve guessed that the season that coined the phrase “Wang and Bang” would one day rule them all? Not only is Nate Diaz next in line for a shot at Ben Henderson, but former title challenger Gray Maynard has just been booked to take on perennial contender Joe Lauzon in a battle that will easily launch the victor onto the short list of contenders at lightweight.

Then again, Sir Isaac Newton did state that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, which might explain why Gabe Ruediger is getting his ass kicked by skateboarders these days.

After spending the entirety of 2011 feuding with former lightweight champion Frankie Edgar, which ended in his first career defeat, Maynard recently bounced back into the win column with a controversial split decision win over Clay Guida in the main event of UFC on FX 4. Although Maynard was thoroughly out-hustled for the majority of the fight, the significance of his offense in the latter rounds combined with Guida’s lack thereof was enough to earn him the nod.

Maynard will be facing the always entertaining Lauzon, who is currently 3-2 in his past five and most recently scored a third round triangle submission victory against former WEC champion Jamie Varner in their classic scrap at UFC on FOX 4. Lauzon has struggled in the past when facing top contenders, having dropped fights to Kenny Florian and Anthony Pettis in the past, but has also finished his opponents in all 22 of his victories. And although his cardio looked the best against Varner that it arguably ever has, there is no doubt that Maynard’s experience in the championship rounds will pay huge dividends if Lauzon isn’t able to put him away earlier.

After the jump: An update on Matt Hamill’s return to the octagon. Spoiler: His opponent just got a lot tougher.

(You’ve earned this.) 

After we took a test run with last week’s Comment of the Week survey, we weren’t really sure how you all would react when given even the smallest bit of power. Because let’s be honest, most of you (at least those who comment) come across as a “unique in a Ted Bundy way” kind of crowd. You know, the kind of people that cross names off their hitlists with lipstick and cry themselves to sleep…in a good way.

Thankfully, you managed to pick the comment that we had originally voted for as your winner, and completely validated yourselves in the process. Don’t get used to us patting you on the back, because the only thing that happens less than us writers giving you readers your due credit is you readers giving us writers ours. That being said, this week’s competition looks like it’s going to be fierce, with everything from our “If UFC Fighters Were in the Olympics” post to the downfall of Frank Trigg providing opportunities for several brilliant, if not politically incorrect and relentlessly dark, comments.

Going with the idea that one of you suggested, the comment that won last week will be carried over to see how long it can reign supreme. We are also only going to take one comment from each reader, as to keep this poll from turning into a full blown clusterfuck. On that note, join us after the jump for the best of the best, and vote on which comment you think takes the blood-flavored cake this week.

(No, Rampage, that’s not a white tiger! Bad Rampage! Down!) 

Can MMA fighters just start referring to these so called “retirements” as what they really are (an extended vacation), or do they simply have too much pride? I only ask because, after retiring less than twenty pay-per-views ago (that’s roughly a year in human people time), it appears that TUF 3 light heavyweight alum Matt Hamill will be returning to action at UFC 152, where he will be taking on promotional newcomer and Bellator veteran Roger Hollett.

Being that Matt is one of the more inspirational figures in the sport, not to mention hails from just a few towns away from me, I was initially excited to hear this news. Sure, Matt will probably not be getting his revenge (or whatever you’d call it considering he won) on Jon Jones anytime soon, but he makes for a great addition to any card, and produces good fights for the most part with the occasional skull shattering KO mixed in. However, upon reading over what BG (or at least who I assume was BG, being that I’m the only one who signs his damn posts around here) wrote when Hamill originally announced his retirement, I couldn’t help but reconsider:

Prior to Saturday night, Hamill’s only career losses came against former champions Quinton Jackson and Rich Franklin, as well as his controversial split-decision loss against Michael Bisping…But losing to a mid-level up-and-comer like Gustafsson (Ed note: How things change in a year, amiright?) was apparently the final sign that the game was passing him by. It’s rare to find an MMA fighter who hangs up the gloves before the sport has completely chewed him up. Hats off to Hamill for a fantastic career, and for knowing when to walk away.

Granted, Hammil stated that part of the reason he had decided to retire was due to a “career [that] has been plagued by injuries starting with The Ultimate Fighter and disrupted my training ever since,” so perhaps he has finally had the time to sufficiently heal up. That being said, what do you think of his decision? Will it go the way of Jamie Varner, or is “The Hammer” just setting himself up to get dicknailed?

(If anyone can explain what is going on in this photo, we’ll give you Carmen Valentina’s digits.) 

After Edson Barboza’s spinning heel kick KO over Terry Etim gave birth to the phrase “falling tree” knockout here on CP, we got to thinking, what other classifications of devastation existed in the MMA highlight-o-sphere? Debates got heated, egos got crushed, and limbs got mangled, but we were eventually able to agree that the next category of KO’s in need of appreciation was that of the “lawn chair.”

What is a “lawn chair” knockout, you ask? Well, it’s that special kind of knockout, perhaps the complete opposite of a “falling tree,” in which the victim’s legs give out from underneath them almost instantaneously after the lethal blow is delivered, often forcing their body to collapse into itself like that of a common lawn chair. And to add insult to injury, the poor son of a bitch often receives an unnecessary strike courtesy of his own knee on the way down. Here are nine of the finest examples, in no particular order.

Chuck Liddell v. Guy Mezger

Ricardo Lamas v. Bendy Casimir

Check out seven more beautiful examples of this phenomena after the jump.

(Similar to Georges St.Pierre, MMA pundits, and most fans heading into UFC 129, Dana White was looking right past Jake Shields.)

2011 is approaching it’s final hour, Potato Nation, and when we typically take a look back at the year that was, we often lump things in terms of the very best, and more often than not, the very worst. But even though it has been arguably the biggest year in the sport’s History, it hasn’t gone without it’s fair share of snoozefests, sparring matches, and fights that simply didn’t live up to their own hype. For every Rua/Hendo, there was a Torres/Banuelos, so to speak, that kept us from having a full-on Chuck Liddell style freak out. It’s not that these fights made us angry, it’s just that they failed to make us feel anything.

In a way, they were actually a good thing for the sport, as they raised our appreciation for the epic slugfests, the back and forth brawls, and the technical battles to new heights. So it is for these unsung heroes that we bring you The Ten Most Forgettable Fights of 2011, presented in chronological order.

#10: Jacob Volkmann vs. Antonio Mckee

We know what you’re thinking, Potatoites, you’re thinking, “My God, it’s only been a year since this clown (dis)graced the UFC with that performance?” Well the answer is yes, and almost to the exact date. On January 1st at UFC 125, Anthony Mckee made his long awaited debut in the UFC. And when we say “long awaited,” we mean by none other than Mckee himself. You see, Anthony Mckee followed the James Toney method of trolling his way into the UFC through a shitstorm of self absorbed and ridiculous claims, despite only claiming seven finishes in his previous thirty contests. Well, DW took the bait, and threw Mckee humble wrestler and future threat to Homeland Security, Jacob Volkmann, for his big debut.

(Video courtesy of Vimeo/TheHammer)

MMA fans who have been waiting to see Matt Hamill’s biopic “The Hammer” will finally get their chance next week if they live in select cities where the film will be released.

The multi-film festival award winning movie which stars former UFC middleweight champ Rich Franklin, who will get a biopic of his own next year,  will be screened in 90 theatres in various U.S. cities starting on October 27, including New York, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Chicago, Detroit, Dallas, Houston, Austin, Seattle, and San Francisco. AMC, Rave Motion Pictures, Studio Movie Grill, UltraStar, Kirkorian, Goodrich, Santikos and Marcus Theatres will be just a few of the theatres showing the film.

(Photo via CagedInsider)

After a 9-4 UFC run that included impressive victories over Mark Munoz, Tito Ortiz, Keith Jardine, Tim Boetsch, and Seth Petruzelli, light-heavyweight contender Matt Hamill has confirmed that he is retiring from MMA competition. The TUF 3 castmember and inspirational figure made the announcement on his website today, in the wake of his TKO loss to Alexander Gustafsson at UFC 133. As Hamill wrote:

Today is a sad day for me. After six years and 13 fights in the UFC I’m ready to hang up my gloves and retire from this amazing sport.

The UFC has been extremely good to me and given me an opportunity to make a great living. That exposure has allowed me options outside the Octagon as well. I just don’t have it in me to fight anymore and my last two performances have shown that.

(Props: ArielHelwani)

When Swedish light-heavyweight prospect Alexander Gustafsson (12-1) stepped into the cage against Matt Hamill at UFC 133 on Saturday night, he was already carrying UFC victories over Jared Hamman, Cyrille Diabate, and James Te-Huna, all by stoppage. But his savage second-round TKO of Hamill (gif after the jump) represented his first big-name scalp, and now sets the 24-year-old on a steep upward trajectory.

Asked about his improvements since his sole career loss to Phil Davis in April 2010, Gustafsson said, “I see myself like, I want to beat the Alex who was fighting against Te-Huna. Next fight I want to beat the Alex who fought Matt Hamill. I want to be better after every practice, and evolve, progress.”

Hamill came in as a short-notice replacement for Vladimir Matyushenko, and said after the fight that not having a full training camp led to him feeling fatigued and weak against Gustafsson. Though the UFC gave Hamill credit for stepping up, his future in the UFC is somewhat uncertain. Meanwhile, Gustafsson is a new golden boy in the 205-pound division. Any suggestions on who he should fight next?

(“Is this too much?”)

According to a release from Authentic Sports Management, Eric Eisner’s Double E Pictures has optioned the film rights for former UFC middleweight champion Rich Franklin’s life story.

Eisner has hired screenwriter David Hollander (The Cleaner; The Guardian) to pen the script and Sean Sorensen from Motion Theory to produce the film that will chronicle Franklin’s journey from math teacher and self-taught mixed martial artist to UFC middleweight champion.

(Awww, looks like Cindy got into momma’s makeup drawer!)

When it comes to finding replacements for UFC 133‘s increasingly cursed lineup, UFC matchmaker Joe Silva has clearly reached the “eff this noise, I’ll be at the bar” stage of the process. The latest update is that Rich Franklin has been removed from the card entirely, after his original opponent Antonio Rogerio Nogueira went down with a shoulder injury this weekend. For the record, King Mo twitter-offered to step up against Ace — a compelling possibility in its own weird way — but the UFC ignored his ass. Anyway, it’s a real shame. All those ice baths for nothing.

As a result, Vitor Belfort vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama is now the co-main event of “Evans vs. Ortiz II”, and Brian Ebersole vs. Dennis Hallman has been promoted to the main PPV card. (Yeah, you still have to pay for this one. Sorry.)

And damn, we didn’t even tell you: Vladimir Matyushenko pulled out of his prelim fight against Alexander Gustafsson last week due to injury. Stepping in to replace him will be none other than Matt Hamill, who’s coming off his decision loss to Rampage Jackson in May. I know, it’s impossible to keep up with all these lineup changes at this point, which is why we put the current UFC 133 fight card after the jump. Pray that things don’t change much from now until August 6th.

(The exact moment Tito’s fighting career jumped the shark.)

It’s amazing that with the UFC’s longtime policy of cutting fighters who lose three fights in a row, that Tito Ortiz, who is 0-3-1 in his past four fights hasn’t been fired yet. One would assume that “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy” was being kept around because of his past merits and pay-per-view sales, but apparently his job isn’t as secure as we assumed.

According to Ortiz, the UFC was ready to let him go after his UFC 121 loss to Matt Hamill, but instead urged the former UFC light heavyweight champion to follow in the footsteps of longtime nemesis Chuck Liddell and retire to save them the trouble of sending him to the unemployment line. Tito says he basically begged Dana White and Lorenzo Fertitta for one more kick at the cat and they begrudgingly agreed, throwing him in against a young lion in Ryan Bader at UFC 132.

“Dana White and Joe Silva [the UFC's matchmaker] told me they wanted me to retire, but I knew I still had the fight inside me.  I pretty much begged for my job, to show how much I want to fight, but I still have it in my heart to compete, to fight,” he told the UK Telegraph. I told them I want to still fight against the top guys, I want to put on a show. I’ve just turned 36, but when they put me against the top guys, I think I can still compete.”

(Video courtesy of YouTube/ncaasteve)

Steve Cofield caught up to TUF 14 coach Michael Bisping recently during a break from taping the SPIKE TV reality series, and the cocky Brit expressed his dissentient opinion that his opposing coach on the show, Jason “Mayhem” Miller is not a worthy opponent.

“I can fully understand it. The guy’s obviously….he does Bully Beatdown. He does a TV show, so he’s got a bit of got a bit of a crossover appeal, if you will, but I wasn’t overly excited that he’s going to be my next fight. I wanted somebody like Chael Sonnen or possibly the winner of [Yushin] Okami and Anderson [Silva] — you know, somebody of that stature in the middleweight division,” Bisping explained matter-of-factly. “But I can understand from a business perspective the UFC’s decision to do…you know, to give Mayhem the shot. It’s a double-edged sword. It will be good for the show, but it wasn’t the opponent I wanted though.”

(Meanwhile in Roy’s stomach, a dozen undigested cheeseburgers cried for mercy. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

Look, I was all for sweeping UFC 130 under the rug and never mentioning it again, but since ReX has shamed me into doing this, it’s time to look back at Saturday’s big winners (and big, big losers) and see if we can devise some future matchups for these guys that will actually produce interesting fights. Make it happen, tiny atheist.

Quinton Jackson: Dana White seems dead-set on giving Rampage a title shot if his hand is healthy enough to accept it. Ugh, terrible. Why the UFC isn’t interested in promoting the hottest rivalry in the sport is anybody’s guess. (And don’t give me that bullshit about “timing”; it’s more likely related to White’s personal feelings about Rashad Evans.) In a perfect world, Rampage sits out for a few months and faces the winner of Shogun vs. Forrest at UFC 134 in Rio. With losses to both on his record, I don’t think motivation would be an issue.

Matt Hamill: Sure, on paper Hamill was coming into the fight against Rampage with a five-fight win streak — but considering that the most impressive victory in that streak (by far!) was his knockout of Mark Munoz, you have to wonder where the Hammer really sits in the light-heavyweight pecking order. My first thought was that Hamill should face the resurgent Vladimir Matyushenko next — but Vlad already has a date in August. So give him the winner of Kyle Kingsbury vs. Fabio Maldonado at this Saturday’s TUF 13 Finale. Either Hamill rebounds, or a rising prospect gets a big-name notch on their belt. Seems win-win to me.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/MMAHeat)

I’ve worked for several major corporations who mandated that their employees sit through mind-numbing lectures and videos detailing what comments and suggestive behavior constitute sexual harassment. There’s a thin line between what are regarded as harmless remarks like, “I like your dress,” or, “Nice haircut,” and what’s considered lewd.

I remember one video in particular that stands out. According to the, “sexual harassment expert” in the film, sexually suggestive comments and innuendos don’t become harassment until a set boundary between the two parties has been crossed. For example, when a woman tells a man that she doesn’t appreciate him making remarks about how her jeans fit or what he’d like to do to her, it becomes harassment when he makes them again.

If you look back at Quinton Jackson’s history of dry-humping and sniffing the behinds of female reporters, it’s not surprising that he told MMA Heat’s Karyn Bryant following his UFC 130 win over Matt Hamill Saturday night that he wanted to “motorboat” her and that she better get away from him before he “humps” her like he has other women interviewers like our own Heather Nichols.

(Photo courtesy of UFC.com. Rampage’s victory reaction gif is now after the jump.)

When the anticipated rematch between Frankie Edgar and Gray Maynard was scrapped from this card, we were left with a few big names and a lot of hope. Despite a few stellar knockouts earlier in the evening, UFC 130 ended much like my date to see “No Strings Attached”: a lot of booing, a disappointing 15 minute fight, and I was out $50.

Every UFC card has to be about something, and with no gold up for grabs the storyline for this event became Quinton Jackson’s climb back up to the top of the Light Heavyweight division. Dana White declared and Rogan and Goldberg echoed that an impressive, entertaining victory over Matt Hamill would land Rampage a title fight with champ Jon Jones. Rampage secured the win, but his shot at the belt is still up in the air.

(Man, Edith LaBelle has really let herself go.)

After sorting out some technical difficulties with my satellite company, I am set up to get this b*tch blogged for y’all.

Let’s get to it.

Spoilers are after the jump. You’ve been warned, yo.

(When did Rampage learn to kick? – Video courtesy of YouTube/TATAMETV)

- Bout Agreements Distributed to Hendo and Fedor (Sherdog)

- Brazilian Dude Does Soundtrack for Street Fighter II With His Mouth (TuVez)

- Made Babe: Arianny Celeste (MadeMan)

- Let’s Make This Clear: Urine is Not Perfume (HolyTaco)

- Bruce Leroy vs. Leonard Garcia targeted for UFC on Versus 5 (MMAJunkie)

- Laugh in the Face of Cancer With the 50/50 Trailer (ScreenJunkies)

- Noons vs. Masvidal fighting for shot at Melendez (MMAMania)

- The Best of Bulls-Heat Game 5 in Slo-Mo (ScoresReport)

- Spiffy Cat Kitten Profile: Ashton Taylor (SpiffyCats)

- Sportsbook says MMA has passed boxing on the Betting Front (CageWriter)

- FEG, DREAM ‘Sold’ to Investor; It’s Showtime Declares War (FightersOnlyMag)

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFC)

In this episode of his UFC 130 vlog, Dana  spends some time with his son, attends the UFC Fighter Summit and gears up for this weekend’s event.

If you don’t have time to watch it or your boss is a tight ass who banned YouTube in your workplace, the key points in a nutshell are after the jump.

(Video courtesy of VideoObb/IronForgesIron)

If you missed the Countdown to UFC 130 show this week, not to worry, we have you covered. During the show both Matt Hammil and Quinton Jackson’s camps give some interesting insight into their fighter’s respective opponents and we learn a bit more about some of the lesser-known fighters on the card like Rick Story and Jorge Santiago.

(“Okay everybody, act like your medical benefits were just revoked.”)

Just a friendly reminder that we will be streaming the UFC 130 press conference from Las Vegas today starting at 4:00 m ET.

Will Rampage tell Hammill he has a soft head? Will Hammil try to get Rampage to make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Will Nelson bring Mir a Whopper? Will Mir rub Nelson’t belly for good luck?

These questions and more will be answered after the jump.

(So much is on the line here. Pride. A win bonus. Mostly just those two things.)

In less than two weeks, the UFC will return from its spring hibernation to present UFC 130 in Las Vegas, featuring a makeshift main event that not even the fighters themselves are that psyched about. But hey, fighting is fighting. Let’s all stay positive and consult the cold, hard data to predict how the light-heavyweight bang-up between Quinton Jackson and Matt Hamill will play out. If you see things differently, let us know in the comments section…

SIZE
Jackson: 6’1″, 73-inch reach
Hamill: 6’1″, 76-inch reach
Advantage: Hamill

RESULT OF LAST FIGHT
Jackson: Split-decision over Lyoto Machida at UFC 123
Hamill: Unanimous decision over Tito Ortiz at UFC 121
Advantage: Jackson

MOST DEVASTATING KNOCKOUT
Jackson: His slam KO of Ricardo Arona at PRIDE Critical Countdown 2004
Hamill: His head-kick KO of Mark Munoz at UFC 96
Advantage: Jackson

MOST UNDESERVED VICTORY
Jackson: His split-decision win over Murilo “Ninja” Rua at PRIDE 29
Hamill: His DQ victory over Jon Jones at the TUF 10 finale
Advantage: Even

(You’re joking, right?He used a fake penis for his urine test? Doesn’t that make him gay?)

Quinton “Rampage” Jackson was on MMAFighting’s The MMA Hour yesterday and he expressed his distaste with being paired up with a replacement Matt Hamill at UFC 130 when  his original opponent Thiago Silva was forced off the card after being suspended for falsifying a urine test to hide steroid use.

(Life: It’s more about the journey than whether you actually beat Travis Pastrana in arm wrestling. Pic: Zimbio)

Ah, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. At this point, we honestly don’t know if we should applaud the guy for his honesty or criticize him for continuing to waste everybody’s time. After conducting a lengthy interview with the former UFC light heavyweight champion recently wherein it becomes painfully apparent that the guy just can’t bring himself to be terribly dedicated to fighting anymore, maybe Five Knuckles says it best. As the MMA website quips in the very first line of its resulting story about Jackson: “You can call Quinton “Rampage” Jackson a lot of things, but dedicated isn’t necessarily one of them.”

Dude, ouch. Then again, that seems like a pretty apt description anymore. Heading into his upcoming bout with Matt Hamill at UFC 130, Rampage claims he’s training hard, but says he hasn’t bothered to chase down any film on Hamill and even admits he “doesn’t know a whole lot” about the guy. Really? You don’t know a whole lot about Matt Hamill? Interesting. Anyway, a bit later on Jackson flat out admits he’s just biding his time until he can find another movie role that will compensate him as much or more than his current UFC contract.

(Props: UFC)

The UFC’s next big event goes down May 28th at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, featuring the third meeting between champion Frankie Edgar and arch-rival Gray Maynard, as well as Quinton “Rampage” Jackson vs. Matt Hamill and Frank Mir vs. Roy Nelson. The UFC 130 lineup also includes Miguel Torres, Thiago Alves, Stefan Struve, and the return of Jorge Santiago. Start getting psyched now, because there ain’t a hell of a lot going on until then…

(Kid showing his animated displeasure in being forced off the card.)

An undisclosed injury has forced the postponement of Norifumi “Kid” Yamamoto’s second Octagon appearance at UFC 130 next month. Stepping in for the highly-regarded Japanese bantamweight to face Chris Cariaso will be California native Michael McDonald.

The UFC announced the opponent change early this morning.