(Cain Velasquez: Don’t be scared, homey. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

— The arraignment of Quinton Jackson (which was supposed to take place today) has been postponed pending further investigation. According to an Orange County District Attorney’s Office spokesperson, “The district attorney’s office is responsible for filing charges and that case is still under investigation based on some new evidence that has been discovered…The recommendations of the police are taken into consideration, but it could be more charges or less charges, depending on what the evidence reports.”

— The Ultimate Fighter 7 winner Amir Sadollah will be back in the Octagon within the next couple months, against a yet-unnamed opponent. He’s moved from Virginia to Las Vegas to train with his old coach Forrest Griffin, and there’s no truth to the rumors of him dropping to welterweight.

— If his knee heals according to schedule, Matt Hughes should be settling his grudge with Matt Serra in January or February.

— The UFC is having a lot of trouble finding an opponent for Cain Velasquez. As Bloody Elbow’s Mchael Rome puts it, “[Velasquez] is very good, but he has no name value yet, so fighters don’t see any upside in facing him.”

— Brock Lesnar is subjected to some pretty dumb questions by the New York Times‘s Freakonomics blog; our own Ben Fowlkes gets a shout-out.

As we told you earlier this week, Matt Hughes was not at all impressed with Georges St. Pierre at UFC 87. His blog post about how boring he found the GSP-Fitch fight seemed laced with no small amount of jealousy. That’s somewhat understandable. A guy beats your ass twice, you may have some ill feelings towards him. But now Hughes is trying to claim that after GSP’s fight with Fitch (which Hughes walked out of halfway through) he does not deserve to be mentioned in the pound-for-pound debate. Has anyone told Hughes yet that GSP actually won that fight?

The hilarious thing is that Hughes also says B.J. Penn deserves to be considered among the best pound-for-pound. As in, the same B.J. Penn who Hughes (and GSP) beat. But GSP, who beat Hughes twice, convincingly, gets knocked out of the running for beating a guy who is ranked above Hughes in just about every welterweight top ten list in existence. You following this?

If only Hughes could bring himself to admit that, while he is a legend of the sport who was great in his time, that time is now over and St. Pierre is on top. Is that so hard? Probably, yeah. Especially for a guy like Hughes, whose stubborn unwillingness to believe that anyone could possibly be better than him has served him well in the past. Still, he’s got to let it go. Watching a former champ snipe at the guy who supplanted him is just sad. If Hughes really thought that GSP wasn’t any good, you know what he’d probably do? Beat him. I guess when that’s out of the question you settle for insults.

(Props: Yahoo’s Steve Cofield)

You may have noticed Matt Hughes sitting Octagon-side at UFC 87. At least, that’s where he was for most of the night. Turns out he didn’t make it all the way through the evening, and you can probably guess why. From Matt Hughes’ blog:

I went there really to watch one fight, probably not the one you’re expecting. I went there to watch Brock Lesnar. He is so interesting because he is so athletic as well as being so powerful. So that fight went just like I thought it would, Brock took him down whenever he wanted and on the ground he did whatever he wanted. I was also there watching my buddy, Roger, but he didn’t quite look the same. I don’t think him or Kenny fought their best fight on Saturday. Roger looked to have done a few things different and I would say that he needs to go back to what he was doing before.

The last fight of the night was Georges and Fitch. Georges didn’t look as big as he has before and he seemed like he had gotten tired from the first round. Fitch had the game plan of countering Georges and you just can’t do that. You can’t counter a quicker fighter. To be honest, halfway in the third round I got up and walked out of the arena and went to my hotel. The fight wasn’t the most exciting and I wanted to get out of there before everyone else was getting up to leave.

I’m sure Hughes’ decision to walk out of GSP’s first successful title defense halfway through had everything to do with the quality of the fight and not his personal feelings about St. Pierre. Yes, the GSP-Fitch fight did win “Fight of the Night”, but hey, if you stay all the way until the end you’re going to have a hell of a time getting back to your hotel. You’re also going to have to hear the words, “…and still UFC welterweight champion” and know they aren’t talking about you. You can decide for yourself which of those two things played a greater role in Hughes’ decision to walk out.

Well, pat yourselves on the back, people — who would have thought a simple, innocent picture of Chuck Liddell, Matt Hughes, and their dates enjoying a log ride could be turned into something funny? First, the most honorable mentions:

MMA-hole: “You’re right Matt, this is *way* better than fornication!”

I’m confused: Jens kept telling Matt he didn’t want to ride up front.

reality: According to Cecil Peoples, the kid was the bravest one on the ride.

totaldb: Next week on Extreme Baptism…

jakey: “now son, which character from pirates of the carribean do you think i am?”

Roach: An up-close photo of Chuck Norris taking a dump.

And now, the winnah…

(You boys need a ride?)

Busy week for Matt Hughes. On his website the former welterweight champ revealed that he has a totally torn MCL and a partially torn PCL. He says he’s holding off on surgery in the hopes that the tears will repair themselves.

In other Hughes news, he settled out of court with one Jed Leist who alleged that Hughes had battered and assaulted him, among other things. Sherdog has the scoop:

The suit contended Hughes and/or other unnamed defendants “grabbed and placed” Leist in a hold “as to cause injury and damage.” Hughes’ actions were “unwanted, not consented or authorized,” by the plaintiff and inflicted “over his protests,” stated the documents.

Prior to the dismissal, Leist was seeking damages in excess of $10,000 per each charge plus attorney’s fees and additional expenses due to “severe humiliation, mental anguish and emotional distress.”

The suit also claimed Leist was both partially and permanently disabled from the alleged assault.

That’s weird. Assaulting people in public for no reason doesn’t sound like something Hughes would do. Oh, wait. There’s this extra little nugget of information:

10,000 BC comes out today on DVD and Blu-Ray, and Warner Home Video is providing one lucky CagePotato reader with a disc in the format of their choice. All you have to do to get it is provide a brilliant caption to the above photo of Matt Hughes, Chuck Liddell, some woman, and a terrified little boy enjoying a log ride. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but judging from the box cover it involves a battle between a caveman and a two-ton sabertooth tiger, and that’s good enough for me. Please submit your captions in the comments section by Friday morning at 8 a.m. ET; the winner will be announced shortly after. Good luck and God bless.

(Comin’ for that #1 spot…)

2008 is shaping up to be the busiest and most exciting year in MMA’s history — which is a great thing, unless you’re trying to keep your top ten lists current, in which case it’s a total pain in the ass. Though there aren’t many profound changes in the latest update to our Power Rankings page, recent events have caused some fighters to drop due to losses (i.e., Matt Hughes, Sean Sherk, Hayato Sakurai, Masakazu Imanari) some to jump up after big wins (Wanderlei Silva, Thiago Alves, Power Rankings newcomer Gegard Mousasi), and some to secure their already impressive positions (Lyoto Machida, Urijah Faber, Robbie Lawler). Give it a look, and click on each weight class for additional notes and to leave comments. And stay tuned, as Sunday’s DREAM.4 card could produce some changes in the middleweight list, and July 21st’s Affliction event could lead to a massive re-shuffling of the heavyweight deck.

(BG)

(Props: Five Ounces of Pain)

(“Boom! Another hit is landed…” The Pitbull mauls old-ass Matt Hughes. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

Now that the adrenaline has subsided, we can have a normal conversation. Here’s what I’ve been thinking about since Saturday afternoon…

— Matt Hughes carved out a legendary career without ever being a particularly dangerous striker. And good for him, but the young fighters coming up these days will not stand for that shit. There’s no way you can compete at an elite level anymore without a complete game. Hughes never had one, and it’s now been fully exposed. After Alves stuffed Hughes’s takedown attempts during their fight, the former champ had no more weapons left, and it was only a countdown until the inevitable. I’m interested in seeing Hughes settle his grudge match with Matt Serra; I’m not really interested in seeing Hughes continue to be tooled by other athletic and well-rounded members of the UFC’s welterweight division.

— Michael Bisping looked deadly once again. Obviously he’d be wrecked by Silva, Franklin, or Henderson (or Marquardt on a good day), but he’d have to be the favorite against any other middleweight in the UFC. I’d guess he’s two wins away from a title shot, and luckily for him, Anderson Silva might not be around by the time he gets there. (The chatter is that Silva may move up to light-heavyweight for a marquee fight, but it’s totally unsubstantiated at this point, so don’t get your hopes up.)

— I don’t care what Jason Lambert needs to do to get down to 185 — stomach stapling, breast reduction surgery, whatever — he just needs to get there. He also needs to understand that his boxing sucks; just like in his fight with Wilson Gouveia, Lambert’s wild and sloppy haymakers led to his own damn self getting knocked out against Luis Cane. I think the biggest lesson I learned from “Bedlam” was that if there’s a noticeably out-of-shape guy fighting a guy in great physical condition, don’t bet on the fatty. (See also: Eddie Sanchez.)

(Bisping and Day: The love that dare not speak its name. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

The UFC is having an event in London right now, so I guess we pretty much have to cover it, huh. Anyway, spoiler alert: Round-by-round results from the live broadcast are after the jump. So raise a pint with us — we’re drinking on UK time today — and holla back in the comments.

(Nate Marquardt HL)

(Marcus Davis HL)

(Matt Hughes HL)

(Image courtesy of some homo.)

Ryan “Fightlinker” Harkness has cast his final picks in our UFC 85 ipecac bet rematch; you can check out his take on the Bedlam matchups here. I was a little nervous picking Hughes and Werdum to win because both matches could definitely go either way, but Ryan has set my mind at ease by picking Hughes and Werdum as well (though he picked them to end by stoppage, rather than my decision calls). Of course, there are some notable points of dispute. Such as…

Michael Bisping vs. Jason Day
I said: Bisping by storm.
Ryan said: “I’m all over Jason Day’s nuts. After watching him destroy Alan Belcher, I’m convinced that there’s no way Michael Bisping is gonna be able to take him out. Bisping nearly got taken out by Elvis Sinosic for god’s sake. So I anticipate one round of tenderization and then Bisping getting subbed out on top in the second.”

Marcus Davis vs. Mike Swick
I said: Davis in a wild one.
Ryan said: “Davis has been on an upswing and Swick has been on a downswing. But Marcus hasn’t faced the kind of opponents Swick has, and has turned into a cocky motherfucker to boot. I’m expecting Swick to come in with a smart plan: put him on his back and don’t give Davis a chance to use his hands. This fight is simply too important for Swick to try and trade.”

Hey, you want to hear something crazy? There’s another UFC event in like three days. And though it’s not the most thrilling card in recent memory, I’ll definitely be paying close attention, because Saturday marks the rematch of my vomit-video bet with Ryan Harkness of Fightlinker. (Read all the details/backstory here.) So these are the picks I’m going with, God help me. Let me know what you think in the comments section, and remember to come back here this Saturday at noon PT / 3 p.m. ET for our live results coverage.

MAIN CARD

Matt Hughes def. Thiago Alves via decision
Matt Hughes may be on the decline, and Thiago Alves is definitely on the come-up, but they haven’t passed each other yet, so to speak. Though Alves caught Karo Parisyan at UFC Fight Night 13, he’s failed in previous big tests against Spencer Fisher and Jon Fitch. Hughes may have trouble with Alves’s striking and youthful energy, and a submission victory is unlikely, but I can see the future Hall of Famer dominating the young challenger with his wrestling and grinding out a decision.

Michael Bisping def. Jason Day via KO/TKO, round 1
Michael Bisping only runs into problems when he’s matched up against big wrestlers; Jason Day is not a big wrestler. “Dooms” schooled Alan Belcher in his Octagon debut, but he has nothing on the Count, who looked impressively dangerous in his first middleweight match in April. Fun fact: All five of Day’s losses have come by first-round stoppage; why bet against the trend?

Marcus Davis def. Mike Swick via KO/TKO, round 2
The Irish Hand Grenade has said he’s not judging Mike Swick by his last performance, but I can’t get over the fact that Swick looked emaciated during the Burkman fight and fought like a pussy. Meanwhile, Davis is far more well-rounded than people give him credit for, and gets overlooked because he hasn’t been presented with a tough challenge yet. I expect Davis to rise to the occasion, big time, and extend his impressive win streak to 12. WAR HAND-GRENADE!!!

Nate Marquardt def. Thales Leites via submission, round 3
There are many who think Nate Marquardt is one of the top ten middleweights in the world. I’m not one of those people, but there’s no denying his submission prowess or his resume, which includes wins over Shonie Carter, Kazuo Misaki, Dean Lister, and most recently Jeremy Horn. Leites has good credentials and a great record, but Marquardt represents a large step up in competition for him. I think a jiu-jitsu showdown is inevitable, and Marquardt will eventually come out on top.

Fabricio Werdum def. Brandon Vera via decision
This might be the toughest fight to pick on the card. Brandon Vera is a dangerous striker, and who knows what would have happened if he didn’t break his hand during the Tim Sylvia fight (his first career loss). On the other hand, Werdum has gone toe-to-toe with much scarier strikers than Vera (Kharitonov, A. Emelianenko, and Arlovski among them) and avoided being knocked out. Werdum’s a little bigger than Vera, and better on the ground. I’m leaning towards the Brazilian because he has more ways to win, but it’s very hard to predict how, especially because neither fighter has ever been stopped. Could be a battle.

I guess you could call this CagePotato’s first original highlight reel. We rounded up the most insane TV commercials starring MMA fighters and stuffed them into a single video for your convenience and enjoyment. Some of them are beloved classics; some you’ve probably never seen before. Noticeably absent are the unauthorized Fedor Emelianenko honey-drink spot (because we’d like to avoid any rude letters from Fedor’s lawyers), and the Rich Franklin “Xyience Teacher” commercial (because it seems to have disappeared from the Internet). But if we’ve left out any other good ones, shoot us some links in the comments section. As Randy Couture might say, “Oh, you’re gonna like this.”

Our friend and content partner Ariel Helwani at MMARated just put up a great interview with Forrest Griffin, where the Ultimate Fighter coach and light heavyweight contender reveals that he’s been eating a lot of french toast lately, popping tons of valium, he really doesn’t care about TUF, and he digs Nick Cave, but not enough to actually pay for his music.

The official UFC 85: Bedlam trailer clip, featuring Matt Hughes, Thiago Alves, Michael Bisping, Jason Day, Brandon Vera, Fabricio Werdum, Nate Marquardt, Thales Leites, Marcus Davis, and Mike Swick.

HDNet Fights’ 86-minute “Best of 2008″ video; props to MMAScraps.

And also? You’re going to want to click that “More” link…

Matt Hughes and Thiago Alves have confirmed that they will fight in a headlining match at UFC 85. As Hughes posted today on his website:

June 7th, in England, I fight Thiago Alves. The fight is confirmed, it will be the main event for the card. Dana just called me with the news. Chuck got hurt and couldn’t fight, so he needed a replacement and called me and I said yes. More news as I get it. No matter what happens in this fight, I’ve got Serra next.

Alves (14-3, 7-2 UFC) is coming off an upset victory of Karo Parisyan at Ultimate Fight Night 13, after which he was told by UFC matchmaker Joe Silva, rather prematurely, that he was second in line to get a shot at the welterweight title after Jon Fitch. According to MMAWeekly, Alves previously offered to fight Hughes at UFC 79 when Matt Serra dropped out due to back injury, but Georges St. Pierre got the nod instead.

The chance of UFC 85 being shown for free on SpikeTV is slipping away, but with this match headlining — and Bisping/Leben, Swick/Davis, Vera/Werdum, and Evans/Irvin already booked — it’s definitely a card worth paying for.

11. Rashad Evans vs. Sean Salmon (UFC Fight Night 8, 1/25/2007)

10. Chris “Red Bull” Willems vs. Akoni Nakila (ROTR: Beatdown IV, 7/14/07)

9. Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic vs. Aleksander Emelianenko (PRIDE: Final Conflict 2004, 8/15/2004)

You may have thought that Fedor’s bee story was the joke, but Matt Hughes is the one enjoying the April Fool’s Day hilarity. It’s not quite like Fightlinker’s pony tomfoolery, the Tommy Lee vs. Kid Rock UFC fight, or the bastard in the forums who kept Rick Rollin’ everyone — I got it twice and had to shut my computer down, Bastard — but here is Matt’s blog entry from today:

Well, for a long time I’ve talked about going up in weight class and I’ve decided to finally do it. Only I’m not going up to 185, I’m going up to 205 to fight Mauricio “Shogun” Rua in June. I’m bulking up now and packing on muscle and I’m thinking that it will be nice to not have to cut weight for a change. I think it’s a great match-up for me and I’ve told Dana that if I win this, then I want a shot at the 205 title next.

Sorry for the short blog this week, I’m here in Colorado helping Tommy get ready for his fight, so I’ll try to have more for you all next week. I just wanted to break the big news. -matt

You’d think Matt would’ve picked a fake opponent who hadn’t already backed out of a June fight because of injury for his “joke.” I also don’t want him to shoot me for pointing that out. So let’s take this a step further: imagine Matt going up even further in weight against, say the recently UFC-departed Tim Sylvia. I’d guess it would end in Matt running for his life.

Wonder what little Matty had in that backpack? Snacks, juice boxes, and the latest Harry Potter novel would be my guess. As for the other most hated fool from the UFC, it’s always fun to be reminded again about Big Tim’s fear of spiders and love of girlie drinks.

Happy Fool’s Day to all.

Even though it lacked late-night room service, the Holiday Inn where I slept after UFC 82 had free wireless Internet in the rooms. Connecting to their system took me to a homepage which featured this 15-minute workout video hosted by Matt Hughes, where the former UFC champ discusses the fitness program he uses to develop his core. If you’re like me, you have an ass like a veal and a spine bent from years of office jobs and astigmatism, so I was definitely interested in some core-blasting tips from Hughes. Unfortunately, he leaves the actual workout demonstration to his assistants, and just shows up to do the introduction and provide occasional encouragement like “You can do this; just picture those rock-hard abs you’ve always wanted.” His delivery, by the way, is as wooden as Pinocchio’s dick. If you’re interested, give it a look before Holiday Inn’s lawyers make us pull it.

After day 1, my ass is still rather veal-like, but I’ll keep you posted.

(Matt Hughes “taking it” from GSP.)

An entry on Matt Hughes’ official blog yesterday announced that his book “Matt Hughes – Made in America” has reached number 21 on the New York Times Best Seller List. Here’s the announcement:

We just got the NY Times bestseller list in, and MADE IN AMERICA is #21! Thanks to all the fans for making this happen.

I did in fact go to the New York Times website and did not see the former UFC welterweight champ’s book listed there. I was ready to scream bullshit, or cry wolf, or whatever else it is someone roars when they think they’ve been duped – or want to start a revolution. Then an edit popped up on Matt’s blog and it appears he may have pulled it off.

EDIT: If you go to the NY Times website, you will see a list posted there that is dated January 20th, 2008 and MADE IN AMERICA is not on that list. That list only reflects sales for the week ending January 5th. My book should be on the list for the week ending January 12th, which hasn’t been posted to their website yet; but it should be in a week or two.

-Matt

Literary giant Matt Hughes is in Los Angeles this week hawking his autobiography “Matt Hughes – Made in America”. I caught his interview on the Mark and Brian show over at 95.5 KLOS this morning, where Hughes chatted about having “farmboy strength”, his kids, his allegedly hot wife, eating carbs, and his future plans. While nothing in this interview blew my skirt up, hard-core Hughes fans might want to check out the podcast when it goes on line – most likely later this week. Matt also took calls from listeners and dished out sage advice, like this piece of wisdom to one 14-year-old aspiring fighter:

“Never take a fight you don’t think you can win.”

Um, no shit. Guess that’s his farmboy smarts coming into play. The former champ also confirmed again that he will fight for another year or two, but is taking some time off right now. If you do check out the podcast, be ready to cringe at Mark and Brian’s idea of witty, as well as their absolute zero knowledge of the sport.

Many of you have weighed in on who BJ Penn might have been talking about when he said he has already found the Frazier to his Ali. Here’s a bit from The Sun that might shed some more light:

“Fighting GSP is all I think about every day. A rematch would be very good and I’ll make sure that I will 100 per cent guarantee victory if we fight again.” Penn also claimed he would be happy to face former welterweight champion Matt Hughes in a rubber match, but fears the veteran could walk away from mixed martial arts.

He added: “I’d love to fight Matt Hughes again but I think he could walk away after his loss to St Pierre. If he does walk away from the sport, I wouldn’t be surprised after what happened the other night. Before his fight with Georges, I was really hoping I’d get another shot at Matt Hughes but after that fight, that was so embarrassing for him I don’t know how he’s going to rebound from that. I’d love to fight him again. If we can put the fight together somehow I’d love it but he’s also getting older so I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

Is is GSP, then? Or maybe it’s Matt Hughes and he’s just hoping to fight him again. Matt Hughes claims he’s not done, so it could happen if BJ moves up. We’ll keep our eyes and ears open for ya’.

And for what it’s worth, BJ has also said he thought Matt Hughes fought like a pussy against GSP. We just think Hughes got his ass kicked.

Matt Hughes was on Cincinnati’s 700 WLW with Jim Scott yesterday and Hughes has confimed he will keep fighting for the UFC. Props to 5oz of Pain for snagging this quote:

“Yes, I am. I can’t go out on a loss like that. I’m too much of a competitor. I’m 34 years old, my body’s actually extremely healthy from what I’ve done my whole life. If you look at it, Chuck Liddell, I think he’s 37 or 38, Randy Couture’s close to 43 and he’s called the most dominant heavyweight right now. So if you look at the timeline, I’ve got plenty of fights left in me.” 

So it looks like Hughes could be eyeballing Serra if the current welterweight champ falls to GSP in April. About damn time those two face off. Click here to the check out the rest of the Hughes radio interview.

Matt Hughes only experienced defeat twice in his first 23 fights — a stat that’s even more remarkable when you consider that both losses came from a dude named Dennis Hallman, who was able to submit Hughes within the first 20 seconds of each match. This clip from UFC 29 presents the entire saga (fight #2 starts at the 5:30 mark). Hallman didn’t go on to beat any other MMA legends, but he’s still active in the game, winning his last fight at Strikeforce in November, and compiling a 2-1 record in the IFL in 2006.

(Twin Mulletteers, Mark and Matt Hughes)

We’ve already mentioned the bitch-fest that is Mark Hughes’ autobiography, “Matt Hughes – Made in America”. If reading the tome – which was released today –  isn’t good enough for you and you just gotta’ have it signed by the recently defeated asshole author, you can find Matt Hughes at one of the following locations:

NEW YORK CITY
Monday @ 7:00 PM
Barnes & Noble #2021
2245 Richmond Avenue
Staten Island, NY 10314 7 Jan 08

NEW YORK CITY
Tuesday @ 7:00PM
Bookends
232 East Ridgewood Avenue
Ridgewood, New Jersey 07450 8 Jan 08

“Tim Sylvia walked over to me during practice. His back was hunched a bit, like Pat’s is, but Pat I could look in the face. ‘Can I talk to you a second?’ he asked.

“Sure thing.” He led me into an office and we sat down on two chairs.

“No one here’s got a problem with me except you,” he began.“When I first started, Jens would say I’m a fat piece of s*** who’s never going to amount to anything, and he’d get me crying, but now even Jens likes me. Is there a problem?”

“Matt Serra’s condition improved greatly over the past week. The week before he was in intense pain. This week he was still having trouble walking. While watching a training session, he almost considered going to the mat to demonstrate a technique, but then decided it probably wouldn’t be the smartest thing. He hasn’t been able to do any training and is probably more than 200 pounds.”

As you recall, Serra had some pretty extensive damage done to his back while training to step into the cage with Matt Hughes at UFC 79: Nemesis on December 29th. He’s now slated to meet the fighter who walks away with the win when Hughes meets Georges St. Pierre in the replacement match. This was supposed to go down in 2008, but with Serra ballooned up to 200+, we’re not looking for it to happen too early in the new year. Coming back from an injury like that is tough enough, but Dude, push yourself away from the dinner table after your 5th helping of yams. Yeah, we understand the way you guys fluctuate in weight and we’re not claiming to be training experts. What we do know is we want to see your next fight as soon as possible, so lay off the cheesecake and grab a diet soda. You’ve got LBs to shed.

The stylishly urban fight fans at Complex just put up a particularly kick-ass interview with Georges St. Pierre, in which the welterweight contender talks about training for his upcoming throw-down with Matt Hughes, the best strip clubs in Montreal, his former life as a club bouncer, and the emotional pain of being called “Freakin’ Frenchy.” Among the highlights:

— (On his last fight against Matt Serra): “I’m a human being and I’m gonna lose some of my fights. That’s what I told my fans. I cannot promise my fans I will never lose again. Nobody can do it. Nobody is invincible. But what I can promise my fans is that I will never show up in a fight where I’m not 100% mentally and physically and where my head is somewhere else. It will never, never happen again.”

— (On emulating Patrick Swayze in Road House): “In the street you can be as strong as you want, but nobody’s faster than a bullet. Being a bouncer, according to me, it’s more being able to talk and being able to use words instead of your arms to do the job. One time I had a problem with somebody and I was like ‘Hey come outside. I need to talk you. The music is too loud.’ And once we were outside, ‘Sorry my friend. You hit on every girl, you make trouble, you grab the girls’ asses. Tonight you’re finished. You can come back tomorrow, I don’t mind. It’s nothing personal, but tonight is over.’ (imitating club-goer) ‘Oh you have no right to kick me out you motherfucker!’ and I just said, ‘Bye-bye, have a good night.’”

Anyway, go read it.