Mauricio Rua

(Enjoy your long winter breaks, boys.  Try to lay off the Christmas chocolates.)

According to Dan Wetzel of Yahoo! Sports, the UFC is spreading the word that May 1 will bring the much-anticipated and very necessary rematch between UFC light heavyweight champ Lyoto Machida and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua in Montreal.  That also happens to be May Day, so maybe Machida and Rua will celebrate by leading their fellow UFC workers in a bloody revolution against the bourgeoisie oppressors in the Zuffa front office.  More likely though, they'll just fight each other for a whole lot of money in front of a packed audience of Quebecois.  

Sure, May is kind of a long time to wait for this rematch, and by then we may have forgotten how heated we were about the controversy surrounding the decision, but after going five hard rounds these guys need some time off before they begin another training camp.  Plus, if the UFC waits long enough, maybe the light heavyweight division will sort itself out and an obvious challenger will appear.  Or maybe by then "Rampage" Jackson will be filming an "A-Team" sequel, Rashad Evans will have joined the cast of "The Real World," and Tito Ortiz will be directing porn movies under the name Rod Poundington.  The way the UFC's luck has been lately, it's not really that far-fetched. 

(Well, at least you're both winners in *our* book. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

The "immediate rematch" between Lyoto Machida and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua just got a lot less immediate. Following the controversial outcome of their title fight at UFC 104, Dana White wanted to set up a re-do as soon as possible, hoping for UFC 108 on January 2nd. Unfortunately, Yahoo! is reporting that Machida needs surgery on one of his hands, and won't be ready to return in two months. As of now, it's unclear when Machida vs. Rua II will actually happen.

The postponement is just the latest in a unbelievably cursed stretch for the UFC that's seen a number of headlining fights go down due to acting aspirations, injuries, and illnesses. Speaking of which, don't expect to see Anderson Silva defend his middleweight belt against Vitor Belfort any time soon either. According to Silva's manager Ed Soares, the Spider is still recovering from elbow surgery, and won't be ready to compete in time for UFC 108. As with Machida, Silva's return date is uncertain. Said Soares: "At the end of the day, it's going to be a great fight [against Belfort]. Like I said before, I don't think he deserves a title shot, but that's over with now. It is what it is."

("...I, on the other hand, look like a very intelligent and compassionate person." Photo via joblo.com.)

Most longtime fans have gone through some variation of the following experience: You spend months trying to convince your co-workers that MMA is the baddest sport ever invented, and they need to give it a chance. So they come over to your place one night to watch a UFC event, and what they see instead is sloppy brawling, boring ground-hugging, and inexplicable judges' decisions. "It's usually a lot better than this," you say desperately as they slowly file out the door. But it's too late; they're gone, they won't be back, and you'll be eating most of your lunches alone from now on. It's a humiliating feeling. Now imagine if those co-workers were Oscar-nominated actor Liam Neeson and The Hangover's Bradley Cooper, and you'll have an idea of what Quinton "Rampage" Jackson had to endure on Saturday. Sour grape warning begins now:

(Dana White discusses the impending Machida/Rua rematch, and UFC 104's other fighters weigh-in on last night's controversial decision. Also, Steve Mazzagatti shouldn't be allowed to even *watch* MMA. Props to MMA Fanhouse.) 

- Don't ask us how two of the three judges who presided over last night's main event gave the first three rounds to the champion. Just take comfort in the fact that there will be an immediate rematch between Lyoto Machida and Mauricio Rua. Dana White announced the news at yesterday's post-fight press conference, saying "They won’t make the same mistakes next time. Each one will try to win decisively." For the record, DW thought Shogun won the fight.

- Anthony Johnson was basically fined $10,000 per pound for missing weight. After tipping the scales at 176 on Friday, Rumble scored a ferocious TKO victory over Yoshiyuki Yoshida in just 39 seconds. But because he came in heavy, he was ineligible for UFC 104's $60,000 Knockout of the Night bonus, which instead went to Pat Barry. (Barry picked up a second $60,000 award for Fight of the Night; his opponent Antoni Hardonk got a check for the same amount, while beanpole submission artist Stefan Struve was awarded the Submission of the Night bonus for his triangle choke of Chase Gormley.) Johnson was already giving up 20% of his purse. When asked about the botched weight-cut, AJ had this to say:

The 10/20 edition of the Danavlog is full of bad omens. After getting a bullshit ticket from some douchebag traffic cop, DW and his crew stop by Cold Stone Creamery — not Pinkberry — and Dana winds up paying the price with a tummy ache. And the Cold Stone workers didn't even sing to him! Can this day get any worse? WHAT HAS HE DONE TO OFFEND YOU, GOD?

As if he doesn't have enough problems, Dana has an Esquire writer following him around for a profile. So obviously he's going to try out the bomb bag again. It fails so incredibly hard. Seriously, listen to that barely audible pop at the 3:13 mark. "Something's bursting," Mike says. Hilarious. Then, it's time to play video games and air hockey at Dave & Buster's. Are you getting all this, Esquire guy?

Finally, around the 5:40 mark, Cain Velasquez and Mauricio Rua show up, and it isn't long before Dana bomb-bags them. Suck it, Bellator — this is how you harness the power of the Internet to promote fighters. Also, future Celebrity Rehab star Chuck Liddell shows up drunk and belligerent, and lifts Dana off the ground as he's trying to give out some UFC 104 tickets. All in a day's work, I guess, if you can legitimately call it that.