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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: medical suspensions

Jessamyn Duke’s Fight Night 45 Loss Was Due to a Broken Hand, Not Getting KTFO, According to Shayna Baszler


(“Uh, Jessamyn, we’re gonna need you to stop with the hand gestures while we take this x-ray.”)

Fight Night 45 was one of the most violent non-Fight for the Troops cards in UFC History, featuring an astounding nine finishes, 8 TKOs, and a six fight main card that not once required a judge’s input. My decision to spend most of the night ranting about Microsoft tech support notwithstanding, I thoroughly enjoyed what the card had to offer, from the prelim fights all the way up to the main event, which saw Donald Cerrone finish the damn-near unfinishable Jim Miller *twice* in their two round banger.

In one of those aforementioned prelim fights, Leslie Smith destroyed Ronda Rousey training partner (as she was introduced by Jon Anik) Jessamyn Duke in the first round, finishing her with a flurry of body shots, kicks, and knees that was Liddell vs. Ortiz-esque in terms of its volume. But it was only matter of time before the excuses started flying, and luckily, Duke’s training partner, Shayna Baszler, is here to jump on that grenade.

“For everyone asking, @jessamynduke broke her hand. Didn’t know what to do once Leslie turned it on when she couldn’t grab and circle off,” Baszler posted on Twitter shortly after the fight.

While I would disagree that Duke’s inability to circle off was less the cause of her demise than her inability to use her massive reach advantage to her…uh…advantage, the above photo posted to Duke’s instagram seems to indicate that her hand was indeed broken to shit. You can check out a few other photos of Duke’s hand over at the UG, but really, this comment by UG’er rrefs sums up Duke/Baszler’s excuse perfectly…

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So What Exactly *Did* Jimi Manuwa Do to Ryan Jimmo’s Leg?


(Photo via Getty. Go here for a gif of the ending.)

This might be old news by now, but if you recall, Ryan Jimmo‘s left leg seemed to implode in the second round of his Fight Night 30 scrap with Jimi Manuwa last weekend. Being that something similar happened in Manuwa’s previous scrap with Cyrille Diabate, I immediately speculated that Manuwa must be some sort of demonic scanner (obviously). All three of the man’s fights have ended with either a doctor’s intervention, a freak injury, or some combination of the two.

The point is, when the list of medical suspensions for Fight Night 30 were released earlier today, one would expect Jimmo’s name to appear right near the top. Possible reasons: torn hamstring, blown ACL, touch of the Plague, etc. In any case, one would be wrong (via The UG):

Ryan Jimmo: 7 days no contact

Jimi Manuwa: 180 days no fighting, needs x-ray and ultrasound

I’m not saying this supports my “Jimi Manuwa is physically capable of shooting mind bullets” theory, but it basically supports my ”Jimi Manuwa is physically capable of shooting mind bullets” theory. In fact, it appears that Manuwa’s mind has become extraordinary to his own detriment, as he somehow walked away from Fight Night 30 with a 180 day suspension. A telekinesis-induced brain aneurysm, perhaps? Perhaps, you guys.

The full list of suspensions are after the jump.

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UFC 165 Medical Suspensions: Jones, Gustafsson Somehow Come Out of Their War Relatively Unscathed


(Something something Jon Jones looks like a California Raisin in this photo. Via @AlexTheMauler.) 

The Ontario Athletic Commission released their official list of medical suspensions for UFC 165 earlier today, and in direct defiance of everything we know about the human body’s ability to absorb damage, neither Jon Jones or Alexander Gustafsson suffered major injuries in their five round war at UFC 165. Yes, despite early reports that Jones was fighting through “a shattered foot” on Saturday night, both the champ and his Swedish counterpart received just two month suspensions pending a CT or MRI scan. Jones will additionally require an x-ray of said foot before it can be broken off in Phil Davis’ insolent ass.

The full list of medical suspensions is below. There aren’t many surprises other than the main eventers, but what the hell else am I going to write about: The Gracie Breakdown of Brendan Schaub’s D’arce choke that takes place on a hotel room bed? Bob Arum would not approve, you guys.

-Jon Jones: Suspended 60 days. Additionally, needs CT scan or MRI, plus x-ray before return.
-Alexander Gustafsson: Suspended 60 days. Additionally, needs CT scan or MRI before return.
-Eddie Wineland: Suspended 60 days. Additionally, needs CT scan or MRI before return.

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Sadly, Ronaldo ‘Jacare’ Souza Won’t Be Kicking Anybody’s Ass for a While


(How many feet need to be broken before the UFC does the right thing and starts letting its fighters wear steel-toed boots? / Photo via Getty)

Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza may have put the entire UFC middleweight division on notice when he pounded the crap out of Yushin Okami at UFC Fight Night 28 last week, but unfortunately his career momentum has already ground to a halt. Due to an injury to his right foot, Souza has caught an 180-day medical suspension from the Brazilian Athletic Commission (CABMMA), and must receive a doctor’s clearance in order to return to action sooner.

During his post-fight interview, Souza stated that he hurt his foot during the fight with Okami, and wasn’t able to do his traditional victory gator-crawl because of it. (Cut to: Training montage of Souza going through a painful foot-rehabilitation process, re-learning to gator-crawl little by little, until finally he’s slithering on the beach like a champ and Carl Weathers embraces him in triumph. *exhales weed smoke*)

Fellow Brazilians Jussier Da Silva and Edimilson “Kevin” Souza also caught 180-day medical suspensions after their fights at UFC Fight Night 28. The full list of suspensions is after the jump, via MMAJunkie

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Court McGee, Dylan Andrews and Hatsu Hioki’s Reputation Get Hit with Indefinite Medical Suspensions


(Remember winning matches in Mortal Kombat when your guy has one sliver of health left? That’s what happened here. Photo via Getty Images.)

By Matt Saccaro

The Indiana Gaming Commission handed seven UFC Fight Night 27 fighters medical suspensions. Two of these fighters, Court McGee and Dylan Andrews, fared worse than the others. They both received indefinite medical suspensions, meaning they’ll need to be cleared by a physician before they can do anything meaningful.

Court McGee won a grueling split decision over TUF: Smashes winner Robert Whittaker. And Dylan Andrews, after getting thrown around for two rounds, knocked out Papy Abedi in the third round but claimed in the post-fight interview to have damaged his shoulder. Attentive viewers might have noticed that Andrews couldn’t put his arm through the sleeve of his shirt after the fight— never a good sign. But, officially, the Commission has yet to disclose any specific injuries he may have suffered.

There were other medical suspensions, though they were not as severe:

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UFC 146 Medical Suspensions: X-Rays to Determine the Fates of Velasquez, Silva, and Varner Among Others


(And to think that all “Bigfoot” did was ask Arianny for a hug. Image courtesy of Fightcove.) 

UFC 146′s all-heavyweight lineup promised to deliver the violence, and sweet baby Jesus did it ever. We were treated to five finishes in five fights on the main card alone, including what was initially labeled as a broken arm on Lavar Johnson’s part, as well as the above mutilation of Antonio Silva, which more closely resembles a scene from Saw movie (specifically, the pig soup sequence from the third installment) than anything else. But perhaps the most surprising of suspensions to come as a result of Saturday’s action were that of Cain Velasquez and Jamie Varner, whom, despite earning quick and violent finishes against Silva and Edson Barboza, respectively, could be looking at up to six months out of action pending x-rays of their hands. That’s some shit luck for Velasquez, who Dana White pegged as the probable number one contender (in Ubereem’s absence, of course) following his victory.

Though it appears that “Big” Johnson’s arm was not actually broken in the first round of his PPV lead-off scrap with Stefan Struve, he will need to have his elbow cleared by an orthopedist before he can return to action, and is looking at a minimum suspension of just over a month regardless.

Check out the full list of suspensions after the jump. 

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UFC 145 Afterthoughts: Rashad’s Eye, Danzig’s Ankle, and Other Medical Suspensions

Method_get_s_rashad-evans-04-23-12-13-5-33-36
(Was this photo taken with a fish eye lens? Get it?! A FISH EYE LENS!! *crickets*) 

Yowza. As if we needed further proof, Rashad Evans sent out this tweet earlier today, confirming once and for all that Jon Jones does is fact have the nastiest elbows in the game. At least he took it in stride, stating the following:

I went 2 UFC 145 in Atlanta and I had the best seat in the house & all I came back with was this fat eye! Wth! I hope those of u that went came back with better souvenirs than I did! =)

Brandon Vera feels your pain, Suga. And then some.

Though Evans only received a week suspension, he might want to consider sitting out a little longer while he waits for that baby to deflate. ‘Shad was one of fourteen fighters from Saturday’s card to earn just a seven day suspension for cautionary reasons. Brendan Schaub and Che Mills received 45 day suspensions for their (T)KO losses, where Miguel Torres earned a 60 day suspension for his knockout loss to Michael McDonald. Torres must also undergo a CT scan before he is cleared to return to action.

But worse than Schaub, worse even than Torres, was the indefinite suspension Mac Danzig received for the gnarly ankle injury he suffered in his unanimous decision victory over Efrain Escudero as a result of a first round heel hook. Word has it that while this was occurring, Rousimar Palhares went on a bloodthirsty rampage through Brazil that resulted in the deaths of no less than 400 people.

Check out the photo of the damage, compliments of Danzig’s twitter, along with the full medical suspensions, after the jump. 

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Josh Thompson Napped His Way to $80,000 and Other Musings From ‘Strikeforce: Tate vs. Rousey’


(Nick Diaz was right! If you listen close enough, you can hear the ocean!)

Last weekend’s Strikeforce: Tate vs. Rousey event gave us plenty to talk about, a rare feature of a Strikeforce card these days. Ronda Rousey officially became the most successful one trick pony of all time, Ronaldo Souza showed us that he is ever improving in the stand up department, and the Strikeforce matchmakers let Nazi pedophiles worldwide know that they could still earn a shot in the big time through hard work, *cough* rape *cough*, and dedication to your craft.

Nowadays, we all know that cash rules everything around us, so let’s first talk about the recently released salaries from this weekend’s “Tate vs. Rousey” card, as they are surprisingly generous for most parties involved. It’s good to know that all of Frank Shamrock’s hard work has paved the way for this new generation of fighters. Per usual, this list does not include any undisclosed/locker room bonuses or any of that noise.

Ronda Rousey: $32,000 (includes $17,000 win bonus)
Miesha Tate: $19,000

Josh Thomson: $80,000 (no win bonus)
K.J. Noons: $38,000

Kazuo Misaki: $50,000 (no win bonus)
Paul Daley: $45,000

Lumumba Sayers: $10,000 (includes $5,000 win bonus)
Scott Smith: $65,000

Ronaldo Souza: $92,000 (includes $22,000 win bonus)
Bristol Marunde: $10,000

Sarah Kaufman: $25,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus)
Alexis Davis: $4,000

Roger Bowling: $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus)
Brandon Saling: $5,000

Pat Healy: $22,500 (includes $5,000 win bonus)
Caros Fodor: $12,000

Ryan Couture: $10,000 (no win bonus)
Conor Heun: $8,000

Join us after the jump for our thoughts on the payout, along with a look at the medical suspensions from the event. 

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UFC 141 Medical Suspensions: Lesnar Gets 6 Months, Takes Out Frustrations on Cameraman


(I bet if that cameraman had been The Undertaker, Lesnar would have just let him do his job. Video props via MiddleEasy.)

OK, so maybe the above video was taken in the aftermath of Brock Lesnar’s first round TKO loss to Alistair Overeem, but we imagine he had a similar reaction when informed by the Nevada State Athletic Commission that he must have an abdominal injury cleared by a doctor before he can compete in any physical activity for the next 6 months. Remember, given his recent retirement, the “physical activity” that Lesnar would be limited from would be his two favorite things, illegally tag-and-bagging mule deer and “getting on top of his wife.” Livestrong, Mr. Lesnar. BTW, that was kind of a dick move, shoving a poor cameraman like that. Way to go out with class.

But Lesnar was not the only fighter who walked out of UFC 141 facing a possible 6 month suspension. Nate Diaz, who, after out landing Donald Cerrone by over 150 strikes, somehow faces a longer suspension than that of “The Cowboy” — Diaz must have his right eye cleared by an ophthalmologist or will also be out of action until June 28th.

Join us after the jump for the full list. 

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UFC 135 Medical Suspensions: Jones out 6 Months, Jackson out 2.

(Take it easy, Rashad. You don’t want to break this puppy, do you?) 

The medical suspensions list for UFC 135 was just released yesterday and included a couple surprising entries of note, mainly that of Jon Jones. The defending champ, who seemed to walk away from the match unscathed, was suspended 180 days, with the chance of physician clearance after 45 days. It makes you wonder whether the doctor’s found something significant enough to give Jones such a lengthy recovery time, or if it was simply a precautionary measure. Rampage Jackson, on the other hand, was suspended 60 days with no contact for 45.

Additionally off-putting was the suspension of James Te Huna, who was given a six month waiting period (or one month with a doctor’s clearance) following his quick knockout victory of Ricardo Romero, who was suspended for 60 days with no contact for 45. It also appears that Aaron Riley wasn’t fooling about his broken jaw, as he is out for 3 months minimum to heal that sucker up. Check out the full suspension list after the jump.

-Danga 

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