17 Dec 2013 07:36:56 AM
So here’s former UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre dancing with (or at least near) some chick at a South Beach nightclub. And it raises an important question — can a man ever look cool dancing with a drink in his hand? This has troubled me my entire life. It’s like, you want to have your drink with you because alcohol is the only thing that reduces the crushing anxiety of being at a nightclub, but when you’re dancing with your drink, you’re very aware of it spilling, either on your brand new shirt, or on the female you’re dancing with (or trying to dance with), or on some meathead who wants to prove his manhood by overreacting when a half-ounce of Corona is splashed on his shoes.
And so, one of your hands/arms is almost completely demobilized, while you try to look cool moving the other parts of your body. That never works, and it only makes you more self-aware and uncomfortable. In other words, consuming alcohol turns down the volume on anxiety, but holding the drink itself brings it back up again. Even GSP — one of the baddest, sauvest men walking the Earth — seems to be somewhat stumped by this riddle. You can be the toughest dude on the planet, but as soon as you start bobbing to the music holding your beer, you’re just another regular goof.
It’s obvious that Georges St-Pierre enjoys the act of dancing, because honestly, why else would he be doing it? Dancing is essentially a human mating-ritual, something we do to attract sexual partners through the display of physical dexterity and confidence. But if you’re rich and famous and good-looking, people will want to fuck you anyway, no matter what you do. You don’t have to dance. You can just kick back and order expensive bottles at a VIP table, nodding at women to make them come over. What if GSP put his drink down on the floor and just started doing this? I think that would make for a much funnier TMZ video. But the thing is, that dark-haired girl wouldn’t laugh at him, or walk away. She’d raise her arms and go “whooooo!” and probably start twerking or something. I don’t know. It looks fun, doesn’t it?
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