(Step 1: Lock in armbar. Step 2: Give camera sultry look. Step 3: Call parents and tell them community college classes are going really well.)

Further solidifying the already close bonds between professional MMA fighters and adult film actresses, the organizers behind the Exxxotica Miami Beach “Adult Consumer Show” have decided to go the extra mile.  This year they’ll be hosting a no-gi submission grappling tournament to supplement the adult-themed entertainment already on display.  To let you know exactly what the thought process was behind this move, just read this statement from the Exxxotica director – clearly a man who knows his target audience:

”Exxxotica now has everything a guy could ask for — the biggest adult stars, lots of sexy action, and one of the most popular sports in the world today, Mixed Martial Arts,” said J. Handy, Director of Victory Tradeshow Management, producers of Exxxotica. ”In the past we’ve had professional pillow fighters, pro wrestling exhibitions, but nothing touches the ever-growing popularity of Mixed Martial Arts in the United States, and hosting this tournament during Exxxotica Miami Beach is just another way for us to give our attendees anything and everything to entertain them when they come to our show.”

Oh, J. Handy.  You had me at professional pillow fighters.  Although maybe you shouldn’t continue to refer to a no-gi grappling tournament as mixed martial arts.  Strictly speaking, the action in grappling tournaments isn’t MMA any more than the action in porn movies is an expression of love.  But whatever.  The winner of the absolute division of this tournament gets $3,000 and the adoration of every wide-eyed starlet in attendance, which means this might be the best chance yet for Tamdan McCrory to finally get laid.  Go get ‘em, Barn Cat.

(Props: AllElbows via Fightlinker)

We haven’t thought much about bare-knuckle backyard brawlin’ since Kimbo Slice stepped up to the big leagues. Yet the Miami yard-fighting scene appears to be flourishing, with a new ringleader named DADA. Above is the trailer for Dawg Fights, a documentary from the creators of Cocaine Cowboys that takes a look at unregulated ghetto-vale-tudo. Aside from one rear-naked-choke attempt, you’re not going to find much technique in the fight clips, but it’s not really about that. Can wild haymakers in a 12-foot-square ring heal a hurting nation?

Below: In part two of "The Year of the Mo," Muhammed Lawal explains that his fighting urge comes primarily from a childhood that one could politely describe as "shitty." Lawal, now 4-0 in Sengoku, will unfortunately be out of action for about three months while he rehabs a torn ACL.

(Props: AllElbows via BloodyElbow)

(Look out Kimbo, he’s got an air-shotgun!)

Brass tacks — EliteXC: “Street Certified” goes down tomorrow night at Miami’s Bank United Center; Showtime will broadcast the main card starting at 10 p.m., and we’ll be doing a liveblog, so swing by for live round-by-round results. And now, our predictions:

Tank vs. Kimbo (heavyweights): We all know how this is going to end. A month ago, we offered a “fantastic” prize to the CagePotato reader who could call the result the closest. Well, the prediction lines will be open until the end of the day, so throw a guess on the comments section of that page for your chance to win (what else) a signed copy of Iceman: My Fighting Life by Chuck Liddell. We’re sticking with our prediction of Kimbo winning by TKO (punches) in 59 seconds. MMABettingBlog says that since the betting odds on this match are so heavily stacked in Kimbo’s favor — he’s a -450 favorite, meaning you’d have to bet $450 on him to get $100 back if he wins — Tank is actually the smart money bet. Especially if you think losing money is smart.

Antonio Silva vs. Ricco Rodriguez (heavyweights): Speaking of sports betting, this fight reminds me of my personal rule — never bet against the streak. And as we discussed yesterday, Bigfoot Silva’s got a crazy one going: 10 fights, all of them lasting less than four minutes. Outside of the Ben Rothwell spit-debacle decision loss, Ricco “Suave” has been looking great lately, with six stoppage wins in his last seven fights. We just don’t think he’ll be able to deal with Silva’s size and power — Bigfoot by first-round GnP TKO. By the way, Rodriguez said this at yesterday’s press conference: “Win or lose, six months from now Antonio and I will be fighting again, probably for a title. We are the two best fighters in this organization right now. Tank and Kimbo are just tomato cans. We are the two real fighters.” We have a feeling Ricco might live to regret that quote…