(“Boom! Another hit is landed…” The Pitbull mauls old-ass Matt Hughes. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

Now that the adrenaline has subsided, we can have a normal conversation. Here’s what I’ve been thinking about since Saturday afternoon…

— Matt Hughes carved out a legendary career without ever being a particularly dangerous striker. And good for him, but the young fighters coming up these days will not stand for that shit. There’s no way you can compete at an elite level anymore without a complete game. Hughes never had one, and it’s now been fully exposed. After Alves stuffed Hughes’s takedown attempts during their fight, the former champ had no more weapons left, and it was only a countdown until the inevitable. I’m interested in seeing Hughes settle his grudge match with Matt Serra; I’m not really interested in seeing Hughes continue to be tooled by other athletic and well-rounded members of the UFC’s welterweight division.

— Michael Bisping looked deadly once again. Obviously he’d be wrecked by Silva, Franklin, or Henderson (or Marquardt on a good day), but he’d have to be the favorite against any other middleweight in the UFC. I’d guess he’s two wins away from a title shot, and luckily for him, Anderson Silva might not be around by the time he gets there. (The chatter is that Silva may move up to light-heavyweight for a marquee fight, but it’s totally unsubstantiated at this point, so don’t get your hopes up.)

— I don’t care what Jason Lambert needs to do to get down to 185 — stomach stapling, breast reduction surgery, whatever — he just needs to get there. He also needs to understand that his boxing sucks; just like in his fight with Wilson Gouveia, Lambert’s wild and sloppy haymakers led to his own damn self getting knocked out against Luis Cane. I think the biggest lesson I learned from “Bedlam” was that if there’s a noticeably out-of-shape guy fighting a guy in great physical condition, don’t bet on the fatty. (See also: Eddie Sanchez.)

(Bisping and Day: The love that dare not speak its name. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

The UFC is having an event in London right now, so I guess we pretty much have to cover it, huh. Anyway, spoiler alert: Round-by-round results from the live broadcast are after the jump. So raise a pint with us — we’re drinking on UK time today — and holla back in the comments.

(Nate Marquardt HL)

(Marcus Davis HL)

(Matt Hughes HL)

(Image courtesy of some homo.)

Ryan “Fightlinker” Harkness has cast his final picks in our UFC 85 ipecac bet rematch; you can check out his take on the Bedlam matchups here. I was a little nervous picking Hughes and Werdum to win because both matches could definitely go either way, but Ryan has set my mind at ease by picking Hughes and Werdum as well (though he picked them to end by stoppage, rather than my decision calls). Of course, there are some notable points of dispute. Such as…

Michael Bisping vs. Jason Day
I said: Bisping by storm.
Ryan said: “I’m all over Jason Day’s nuts. After watching him destroy Alan Belcher, I’m convinced that there’s no way Michael Bisping is gonna be able to take him out. Bisping nearly got taken out by Elvis Sinosic for god’s sake. So I anticipate one round of tenderization and then Bisping getting subbed out on top in the second.”

Marcus Davis vs. Mike Swick
I said: Davis in a wild one.
Ryan said: “Davis has been on an upswing and Swick has been on a downswing. But Marcus hasn’t faced the kind of opponents Swick has, and has turned into a cocky motherfucker to boot. I’m expecting Swick to come in with a smart plan: put him on his back and don’t give Davis a chance to use his hands. This fight is simply too important for Swick to try and trade.”

Hey, you want to hear something crazy? There’s another UFC event in like three days. And though it’s not the most thrilling card in recent memory, I’ll definitely be paying close attention, because Saturday marks the rematch of my vomit-video bet with Ryan Harkness of Fightlinker. (Read all the details/backstory here.) So these are the picks I’m going with, God help me. Let me know what you think in the comments section, and remember to come back here this Saturday at noon PT / 3 p.m. ET for our live results coverage.

MAIN CARD

Matt Hughes def. Thiago Alves via decision
Matt Hughes may be on the decline, and Thiago Alves is definitely on the come-up, but they haven’t passed each other yet, so to speak. Though Alves caught Karo Parisyan at UFC Fight Night 13, he’s failed in previous big tests against Spencer Fisher and Jon Fitch. Hughes may have trouble with Alves’s striking and youthful energy, and a submission victory is unlikely, but I can see the future Hall of Famer dominating the young challenger with his wrestling and grinding out a decision.

Michael Bisping def. Jason Day via KO/TKO, round 1
Michael Bisping only runs into problems when he’s matched up against big wrestlers; Jason Day is not a big wrestler. “Dooms” schooled Alan Belcher in his Octagon debut, but he has nothing on the Count, who looked impressively dangerous in his first middleweight match in April. Fun fact: All five of Day’s losses have come by first-round stoppage; why bet against the trend?

Marcus Davis def. Mike Swick via KO/TKO, round 2
The Irish Hand Grenade has said he’s not judging Mike Swick by his last performance, but I can’t get over the fact that Swick looked emaciated during the Burkman fight and fought like a pussy. Meanwhile, Davis is far more well-rounded than people give him credit for, and gets overlooked because he hasn’t been presented with a tough challenge yet. I expect Davis to rise to the occasion, big time, and extend his impressive win streak to 12. WAR HAND-GRENADE!!!

Nate Marquardt def. Thales Leites via submission, round 3
There are many who think Nate Marquardt is one of the top ten middleweights in the world. I’m not one of those people, but there’s no denying his submission prowess or his resume, which includes wins over Shonie Carter, Kazuo Misaki, Dean Lister, and most recently Jeremy Horn. Leites has good credentials and a great record, but Marquardt represents a large step up in competition for him. I think a jiu-jitsu showdown is inevitable, and Marquardt will eventually come out on top.

Fabricio Werdum def. Brandon Vera via decision
This might be the toughest fight to pick on the card. Brandon Vera is a dangerous striker, and who knows what would have happened if he didn’t break his hand during the Tim Sylvia fight (his first career loss). On the other hand, Werdum has gone toe-to-toe with much scarier strikers than Vera (Kharitonov, A. Emelianenko, and Arlovski among them) and avoided being knocked out. Werdum’s a little bigger than Vera, and better on the ground. I’m leaning towards the Brazilian because he has more ways to win, but it’s very hard to predict how, especially because neither fighter has ever been stopped. Could be a battle.

Our friend and content partner Ariel Helwani at MMARated just put up a great interview with Forrest Griffin, where the Ultimate Fighter coach and light heavyweight contender reveals that he’s been eating a lot of french toast lately, popping tons of valium, he really doesn’t care about TUF, and he digs Nick Cave, but not enough to actually pay for his music.

The official UFC 85: Bedlam trailer clip, featuring Matt Hughes, Thiago Alves, Michael Bisping, Jason Day, Brandon Vera, Fabricio Werdum, Nate Marquardt, Thales Leites, Marcus Davis, and Mike Swick.

HDNet Fights’ 86-minute “Best of 2008″ video; props to MMAScraps.

And also? You’re going to want to click that “More” link…

(WEC bantamweight champ Miguel Torres [33-1] defends his belt against DEEP/Pancrase vet Yoshiro Maeda [23-4-2] at WEC 34 on June 1st. Props to MMAMania.)

(Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Quinton Jackson; Rampage’s ballsy but unsuccessful PRIDE debut, from PRIDE 15, 7/29/01.)

(James Irvin: Fighting his way off of the C-list.)

“He’s lost his last two fights now, against Franklin and Anderson Silva, so the UFC’s decision makes sense. No fighter can guarantee winning a fight but you can go into a bout in shape. If you can’t go the distance then you’re not preparing well enough and you’re not taking your job seriously. We work for the UFC and it’s our job to get off our a**es and train and be in shape. That’s what we get paid for and if we don’t do that then we’re not doing our job. That’s the way I look at it.”
— Michael Bisping on the recent sacking of Travis Lutter.

“I just decided to make light of the situation and be like, hey man, this is what I’m seeing. I’m seeing a running man. That just came to me out of nowhere. When there were ten seconds left I just said to myself, all right, I’m calling the technique the ‘rock-hammer.’ I don’t know if that name will stick or not.”
— Nate Quarry on the instant-classic ending of his fight with Kalib Starnes.

“I’m just so happy that he would even take the fight against me. I consider him an ‘A’ level fighter, and I consider myself a ‘C’ level fighter, maybe a ‘B’ level because I just beat Houston trying to claw my way up to the top. So for him to take a step down and fight me, I’m greatly appreciative of the guy, who is someone I look up to as one of those top tier fighters.”
— James Irvin on his UFC 85 opponent, Rashad Evans.

“Mentally I think BJ has some quit in him. I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it in the past. If you push him, he’ll quit.”
— Sean Sherk on his UFC 84 grudge match with BJ Penn.

“Now that the K1 thing is out of the way it’s all good baby: all MMA and MMA only. These guys (DREAM) want me to fight Aleksander (Emelianeko) in about three weeks time on May 11th! I was like no way because it’s too short a time with no training. I don’t want to risk fighting like that. But if they compensate me enough for taking that risk then it’s all good and I’ll fight. DREAM’s plan was to see how Fedor (Emelianeko) goes and when and if he wins the DREAM title, and then I will fight him…First time I fought him, my wrestling wasn’t great — actually it was pretty shit but I did alright with him. This time I will be ready.”
— Mark Hunt, who may eventually be battling the Emelianenko brothers in DREAM. Hunt was submitted by Fedor via armbar at PRIDE Shockwave on New Year’s Eve 2006.

(Decisions, decisions…)

Though the UFC has confirmed none of this yet, some strong UFC 85-related rumors are circulating that we wanted to pass along. The word is…

— James Irvin will indeed fight Rashad Evans, replacing an injured Chuck Liddell.

— The main event will feature Michael Bisping taking on Chris Leben. (Thanks for listening, guys!)

— UFC 85 will possibly be broadcast on SpikeTV. That would be enough to appease American fans — with four solid matchups on the main card (including Vera/Werdum and Davis/Swick), it’ll be at least as entertaining as an “Ultimate Fight Night” — but a show without a true big-name headliner could potentially slow the UFC’s momentum in the U.K.

We’ll let you know when any of that is formally announced.

Somewhat related: You think seven weeks is a short layover for Michael Bisping? Well, Rich Clementi is only getting five before his next fight. “No Love,” who just scored a hard-fought split-decision victory over Sam Stout on the undercard of UFC 83, has been booked to replace an injured Rob Emerson in a lightweight match against Terry Etim at UFC 84 (May 24th, Las Vegas). Clementi has won his last three UFC bouts, including submission victories over Melvin Guillard and Anthony Johnson, while Etim took his first career loss via unanimous decision against Gleison Tibau at UFC 75.

The Terror gets slaughtered, Chainsaw says “no mas,” and Demian Maia unleashes the Submission of the Night in the second round of his undercard fight against Ed Herman. Get ‘em while they’re hot; for more UFC 83 vids, hit up MMALinker.

As Ferrall might say, this “beautiful matchup of warriors and freaks ready to dance” is about to pop off, so pour yourself some iced tea or red wine and settle in. Click the “MORE” link and refresh the page every few minutes for round-by-round updates. Montreal residents, let’s get ready to riot!

The fastest way into Charles McCarthy’s head is through the Count’s stomach.

(Props to MMAMania)

UFC.com put up an entertaining and surprisingly frank rundown of the current career prospects of every castmember of The Ultimate Fighter 3. Michael Bisping is labeled “The Top Gun” for his star power and relative success in the Octagon, while Ed Herman and Matt Hamill are in the “A Win or Two Away” category and Kendall Grove lands in the “On the Bubble” group for his recent losses. No surprises there, but it’s interesting to read up on some of the UFC castoffs who you haven’t thought about since TUF‘s third season — the never-wills who make up the list’s “Off the Radar” category. Some highlights:

Noah Inhofer
UFC record – Never fought in the UFC
Do I need to even go here? A participant in one of the most bizarre incidents in TUF history when he left the house because he wasn’t allowed a call to his girlfriend. There aren’t too many certainties in this world, but I’d be willing to bet that Inhofer (1-1 since the show) won’t ever be setting foot in the Octagon after the way he left the show.

Solomon Hutcherson
UFC record 0-1
Along with buddy Kendall Grove, was one of the ‘Dagger’ twins on the show (Ed. note: Aw man, you remember how annoying that was? Dagger!), and he showed promise, but ultimately his chin was what let him down, both during the series when he was knocked out by Rory Singer, and in the TUF3 finale, when he drew a tough opponent in Luigi Fioravanti and was KOed again. Went 2-0 in two fights outside of the UFC in 2007.

Danny Abbadi
UFC record 0-2
A nice kid with heart, Abbadi just wasn’t ready for the UFC, and though he dropped to lightweight and went the distance with Jorge Gurgel at UFC 63 after being submitted by Kalib Starnes at middleweight at the TUF3 finale, it’s unlikely he’ll be back in the Octagon anytime soon, especially with a 1-2 record in small shows since the loss to Gurgel.

In reference to gash-face Ross Pointon, the article says “if Pointon’s talent matched his heart, he’d be Anderson Silva.” Right. And if your aunt had a dick she’d be your uncle.

(“Ladies and gentlemen…I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your strange weight-measurement machine frightens and confuses me! My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know — those girls behind me have glorious racks.”)

Alright settle down, settle down:

— Weigh-ins for UFC 81 go down today at 4pm PT / 7pm ET, and will be broadcast live from the Mandalay Bay Events Center on UFC.com.

— More importantly, we will be liveblogging UFC 81 tomorrow starting at 7pm PT / 10pm ET. Readers who have experienced our previous liveblogs know that it’s the best party on the Internet. Especially if you’re too cheap to pay for the event.

— In other UFC news, Michael Bisping has confirmed that his first fight as a middleweight will be against Charles McCarthy at UFC 83 in Montreal on April 19th. Dana White predicts that 83 will be “the biggest UFC event ever.”

— And: FiveOuncesofPain reports that a match between lightweights Frankie Edgar and Gray Maynard has been added to the talent-bloated Ultimate Fight Night 13 (Broomfield, CO; 4/2). Man, they should really break that card up into two back-to-back nights. Especially if they expect us to watch 16 non-stop fights directly afterwards. Our minds need time to recover…

(Charles “Chainsaw” McCarthy, lookin’ svelte!)

— Contradicting earlier rumors that Michael Bisping’s first opponent as a middleweight will be Evan Tanner, Sherdog is reporting that Bisping will face Charles McCarthy in London on March 8. Nicknamed “Captain Miserable” on the fourth season of The Ultimate Fighter, McCarthy’s last match was a submission victory over Gideon Ray in November 2006. With UFC 82 scheduled for March 1 in Columbus, this could mean that the Bisping/McCarthy bout is part of a UFC Fight Night card — or, the entire thing could be made up, which is always a possibility.

“I’m not sure that he would be a contender anytime soon. I don’t think he would beat Rich Franklin. He certainly wouldn’t beat Anderson Silva or Dan Henderson. Not sure he’ll make a big impact.” — Jason MacDonald on Michael Bisping’s drop to middleweight

“I guarantee you that if I would have fought Silva both times in the UFC, I would have won. Not [because of] the cage, [because of] the referees. I guarantee I would have beaten him.” — Quinton Jackson on Wanderlei Silva

The UFC has announced via a profile article on Michael Bisping that the former light-heavyweight TUF winner will officially make the wise drop down to middleweight. As the story goes:

The drop down has been a long time coming for the British striker. While other top light heavyweights walk around at over 230 pounds when not in training camp, Bisping, one month and many hearty meals removed from fighting at UFC 78 in New Jersey, weighs only 211 pounds…

Bisping said: “Dana thought it was a great idea, he said I’d be ‘a monster’ down at middleweight. In fact all sorts of people like Rampage (with whom Bisping is close) were telling me this was the best thing for my career. Really, I knew middleweight was the place to be. When I went to train with Rampage in America over the summer, when we’d go eat he’d have half a lettuce leaf; I’d have a pizza or a couple of foot-long Subways and a couple of sneaky cookies.

Not sure what “sneaky cookies” are, but if they’re anything like “ookie cookies,” then yes, Bisping should stop eating them. And by the way, Mike, it’s not cool to pig out in front of your bro when he’s trying to cut weight — though the “My Dinner With Rampage” scene I’m envisioning is so entertaining it should get its own Odd Couple-esque sitcom:

Rampage (to waitress): Lemme get, ah…I want that salad. Dressin’ on the side.

Bisping (to waitress): Roit, I’ll ‘ave two foot-long Subways, luv. Double-meat, double-Swiss. Yeah, safe.

Waitress: Subways?

Bisping: Roit, Subways. Subways. Subway fookin’ sandwiches.

Waitress: Sir, this is not a Subway. We don’t serve—

Bisping: Roit, look — two foot-long bread-loaves. Roast beef, turkey, ham. Lettuce, pickles, black olives. Spicy mustard, mayo. As much Swiss cheese as you ‘ave. Got all that? Brilliant, now do it twice, luv, and quickly. I ‘aven’t eaten in 45 minutes.

Waitress: I’ll see what I can do. [she leaves]

Bisping: Yeah, you see what you can do. Bloody coont.

Rampage: Maaaaaaan…two Subways? How you gonna do me like that?!?

[cue laugh track, cut to black]

Also, he’ll be returning to the Octagon in May.

In an interview with MMA Weekly, Ortiz said:

“My last fight, before I fought Rashad (Evans), I wasn’t 100%, and I just wanted to make sure if I ever fight again I’m going to be 100%. The back injury that I sustained kind of hindered me for fight time. Now it’s a lot better…I spoke to Lorenzo (Fertitta), and it looks like in May. They’re going to wait until May, so the next Cinco de Mayo weekend will be Tito Ortiz’ next fight.”

Ortiz’s opponent has not yet been named, but it’s unlikely that the fight will be a re-match with Rashad Evans. Though Ortiz expressed interest in facing the winner of UFC 78′s Evans/Bisping match, MMA Fightline reports that UFC matchmaker Joe Silva has advised both Rashad Evans and Michael Bisping to drop down to middleweight. (This would also affect the possibility of a future Bisping/Hamill rematch.) In any case, with only one fight remaining in his current UFC contract, Ortiz better make his next appearance a good one, or Dana White will fire his ass faster than Trump.

Like King George III and Hugh Grant before him, Michael Bisping is quickly establishing himself as a Brit who Americans love to hate. During a post-fight press conference, Bisping was asked how he felt about the way the crowd reacted to him during UFC 78. His witty response: “They can all go to hell.” Listen to the audio here. As Mr. Sunshine reports, “it did put a slight grimace on the face of UFC president Dana White, who was standing behind Bisping.” Though we imagine if Dana was in Bisping’s shoes, he’d probably say something more along the lines of “Basically, Jersey can go fuck itself.”

You know a UFC card is dull when John McCarthy, Herb Dean, Steve Mazzagatti, and Mario Yamasaki all have better things to do. No knock on the reffing abilities of Dan Miragliotta and Kevin Mulhall — or the lovely state of New Jersey — but nearly everything about UFC 78 was substandard, and every fighter proved that they weren’t quite ready for the big show. Let’s get through it…

[Lightweights] Frankie Edgar def. Spencer Fisher via unanimous decision

[Middleweights] Ed Herman def. Joe Doerksen via K.O. (punch, third round)

[Welterweights] Karo Parisyan def. Ryo Chonan via unanimous decision

[Light heavyweights] Thiago Silva def. Houston Alexander via TKO (punches, first round)

[Light heavyweights, main event] Rashad Evans def. Michael Bisping via split decision

Full report to come tomorrow, but here’s a sneak preview: This was the dullest and most disappointing UFC event I’ve ever seen. And that’s not just sour grapes because my prediction* turned out to be inaccurate. Name me one UFC card in the AF era that was worse than this one.

* If my dream wasn’t a foretelling, what do you think it meant? (There’s no “MMA” entry in my dream dictionary.) I’m open to all (most) suggestions.

“If you give me another hickey, I’ll choke the shit out of you.”

(Ed Herman)

CBSSports.com has a great preview of Saturday’s UFC card, where all of the match-ups (including the ones in the undercard) are analyzed by MMA writers Denny Burkholder, Sam “WAMMA” Caplan, Todd Martin and Ben Fowlkes. If you have some free time, check it out. If not, we’ll summarize:

— Nobody thinks Michael Bisping stands a chance against Rashad Evans.
— Ditto for Thiago Silva against Houston Alexander.
— Even though Joe Doerksen beat him when they met at SF 7 in 2004, Ed Herman gets the edge in their rematch tomorrow.
— Todd Martin calls a Karo Parisyan victory over Ryo Chonan his “lock of the night.”
— Sam Caplan predicts Edgar/Fisher will be the best fight of UFC 78.
— Thiago Alves, Joe Lauzon, Marcus Aurelio and Akihiro Gono will be sure things in their respective fights. (Man, it’s like these MMA writers share a brain…)

UFC 78 is only two days away (!), and ESPN.com is doing its part to pump it up. Check out these videos on some of the night’s key fighters and get psyched.

(“I think I do just about everything better than Bisping.”)

The UFC held a media conference call yesterday to pump up UFC 78, and since I wasn’t around to liveblog it — I know, disappointing, right? — you’ll have to settle for this recap. Dana White, Michael Bisping, Rashad Evans, and Houston Alexander were in attendance, and the audio from the call can be heard here.

Among the revelations…

— Dana White has officially offered Randy Couture a title defense against Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Nogueira. The match would fulfill the last fight on Couture’s UFC contract; he isn’t technically in violation of that contract unless he turns the fight down. Couture texted White on Sunday and they are planning to discuss it next week. Nogueira is a former PRIDE heavyweight champion who won his first UFC fight in July via unanimous decision against Heath Herring. Never, ever do a Google Image Search for “Nogueira.”

So I was skimming this mostly boring BuddyTV interview with Michael Bisping, when I came to this part:

Do you know what song you’re going to be walking out to on UFC 78 yet?
I do, yeah. It’s Puff Daddy and Jimmy Paige [sic] “Come with Me” from the Godzilla soundtrack.

Right. Nice. Okay, Cool.
Every time I go running and that song comes on, I always have to speed up. So I thought I’d put that on to excite me for a little bit.