How To Always Win In A Fight – Watch More Funny Videos
(Paul “Boom!” Vunak vs. Bas “Bang!” Rutten, held under Filipino Alley Fight rules: Who takes it and how? / Props: Break.com)

- Today’s Your Last Day to Donate to the “Mo’Tato Nation” Movember Team! Do It! (Movember.us)

- Power Ranking Every UFC Champion in History (BleacherReport)

- Michael Bisping Readies for Vitor Belfort, Aims to Avoid Dubious Distinction (MMAFighting)

- José Aldo Announces His MMA Retirement Age, Next Step Already Figured Out (Fightline)

- “Dat Ass!” Alert: MMA Ring Girl Shannon Ihrke Shows Off the Goods (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

- UFC on Fox 5 Fighter Jeremy Stephens Jury Trial Scheduled for January 9, 2013 (BloodyElbow)

- Dana White To Fighters: Tone Down Training Ahead Of UFC on FOX 5 (FightDay)

- Support Movember, Eat an Onion (MadeMan)

- The Worst Thing Ever (HolyTaco)

- Five Easy Steps to Becoming a Successful Cult Leader (EgoTV)

- The 50 Dirtiest Moments in Cartoon History (WorldWideInterweb)

- Answers From a Hot Girl: Can I Encourage My Girlfriend to Lose Weight? (MensFitness)

- The 100 Biggest Twitter Fails of All Time (Complex)

(Why must you torture us, fan-made poster?? Image via MMehFighter)

Man, this week is just full of disappointments. First, we learn that Ronda Rousey‘s historic migration to the UFC isn’t quite official yet. And now we learn that this Saturday’s UFC 154 event in Montreal won’t include a WWE-style post-fight run-in from middleweight champion Anderson Silva.

As the story went, Silva would be in attendance at the Bell Centre to challenge Georges St. Pierre to a superfight, if GSP was victorious in his welterweight title defense against Carlos Condit. Though Silva does plan on attending the fight, he has no interest in getting up in St. Pierre’s grill afterwards:

“I’m going to Los Angeles and then going to Canada for the fight of St. Pierre,” Silva told Tatame. “I’m already going to be there to shoot a movie, a feature film that I’ll participate in with Lyoto (Machida). It’s not my character to up and challenge anyone. I think it will not happen. I think not, I’m sure (laughs).”

Furthermore, Silva doesn’t plan on fighting anybody until the end of next year:

“I’m on vacation from fighting. I think I will return only in the end of the next year. I have personal projects ongoing. Tomorrow I’m embarking to Los Angeles to attend the arrangements of the academy we’re setting up there…If the UFC wants to make an interim bout while I’m gone, it’s up to them. I don’t know if it will have any meaning but they can do whatever they want. I’m in a comfort zone, so I’m not worried about it.”

I’m sure Chris Weidman is just thrilled to hear about Anderson Silva and his “comfort zone.” But at least one fighter sees this “interim bout” business as a great opportunity…

(“Well Michael, you’ve really talked yourself into a corner this time.”) 

The good news: Michael Bisping is being given a fight that will at least semi-legitimize his claims of being the number one contender should he emerge victorious from it.

The bad news (for him at least): It’s against this man. (Author’s note: I’m sorry, I literally could not find ONE Vitor Belfort highlight video with a decent soundtrack. For shame, Youtube users.) 

Although the UFC tried to keep this matchup under wraps when it was first rumored, it looks like we will be seeing Bisping square off against the Brazilian “Phenom” Vitor Belfort after all. Not only that, this fight will serve as the main event of UFC on FX 7 on January 19th. Bully day!

Bisping has spent the past year or so calling out every viable contender in the middleweight division, so he should be more than satisfied (or terrified) knowing that he will be taking on a former light heavyweight champion and middleweight title challenger in Belfort for his next fight, as the Brazilian would easily make for the biggest win in the Brit’s career should the scaffolding fall from the roof and knock Belfort out in the first round. Because that is the only way Bisping is winning this one.

But who are we kidding, Belfort isn’t making it to this fight in one piece anyway, if at all.

Before we even get into the awesome that is UFC Tonight’s recent “Fighter Trivia” episode, I just want to put it out there that I will beat any of you in any game show trivia challenge. Any of you. When I was in college, the only channel my RCA 630TS television received was The Game Show Network. Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud, Double Dare, right down to the early pioneers of Press Your Luck, Match Game, Pyramid, and The Price is Right were at my disposal on a near 24/7 basis. When I wasn’t browned out in an alleyway looking for a jar of marmalade and bus ticket to Santa Fe, you could assume I was getting my trivia knowledge on with Brawlin’ Bob and the gang.

So you can imagine my excitement when I came across this gem of an idea Fuel TV devoted an episode of UFC Tonight to, with Ariel Helwani playing the proverbial Bob Eubanks role. The premise is simple, a group of fighters are subjected to what I assume is five rounds of trivia (there aren’t videos of all 5 rounds to confirm/deny this) covering everything from their knowledge of The Ultimate Fighter to that of pop culture. They are paired up for certain rounds, but mostly are forced to go on their own until one man is declared the winner.

For the inaugural segment, Michael Bisping, Rashad Evans, Dominick Cruz, and Kenny Florian were chosen as participants. Spoiler alert: Cruz doesn’t know sh*t about sh*t, and Bisping knows more about Dora the Explorer than we would have ever imagined.

After the jump: Two snippets from the show in which Florian forgets that Bisping and Evans fought at UFC 78 (along with the rest of the world) and Cruz fails to identify Bruce Springsteen by his nickname. Unforgivable, Dom.

(Props: AXS TV Fights)

It’s time to admit to ourselves, once and for all, that Anderson Silva isn’t the kind of champion we’d like him to be. After thoroughly conquering the middleweight division, fans assumed that the logical next step for the Greatest UFC Fighter of All Time would be to take more competitive matches against the elite in the light-heavyweight division. Of course, that’s not happening. Silva clearly has an agenda in the final stage of his career, and it doesn’t involve fighting non-superstars, or 205-pound phenoms who actually have a chance of beating him.

As Silva’s manager Ed Soares reiterates in this clip from Inside MMA, Anderson wants to fight UFC welterweight champ Georges St. Pierre next, at a suggested catchweight of 177.5. And after that…well…Michael Bisping, maybe? The idea that Anderson Silva would fight Jon Jones is immediately dismissed by Soares, and the name Chris Weidman — remember him? the UFC’s actual #1 middleweight contender? — isn’t even mentioned.

(Rampage and Bisping might want to start running the things they are about to say out loud by more people than one another)

Let’s just dive right in, nation. UFC middleweight and all around centered and nice guy Michael Bisping recently spoke with MMA Junkie and had some pretty silly things to say. “I’m tired. I know I’ve got to wait my turn, but it’s pissing me off. I want to get my title shot, and if I keep beating guys, they’ll have no choice but to give it to me,” he told Junkie.

“I’m here, and I’m fighting the best guys. I want my shot.”

Bisping has undoubtedly fought some of the best fighters in the world, but he still doesn’t seem to realize that he needs to beat some of them in order to deserve a title shot. At present, ‘The Count’ has a brand new streak of exactly one, count em, one wins.

(Matt Hamill plays airplane with his freakishly large, Progeria-ridden child after defeating Roger Hollett earlier in the evening.)

It may be a futile effort to draft up these Armchair Matchmakers given the chaos that injuries are creating at every turn these days, but God damn it, a comedic MMA website has to have its principles! So with that in mind, we decided to scour through the wreckage left behind by UFC 152 and provide some potential opponents for the UFC to consider when booking the night’s biggest winners down the line. Join us and voice your opinions in the comments section, won’t you?

Jon Jones: Despite his best trolling efforts, it appears as if the UFC will actually show some common sense and wait to see if Chael Sonnen can at least defeat one “contender” at 205 (you know, the one he’s supposed to face) before expediting him right to a title shot because the fans apparently control the matchups all of a sudden. We were all for Sonnen/Jones on 8 days notice, but it’s clear that Jones only has two opponents truly worthy of getting ground into dog meat by him next. The first is Dan Henderson, who Jones blamed for the whole UFC 151 fiasco in the first place. He’s clearly next in line in a division that is suddenly absent of marketable contenders (sorry, Alex) and will hopefully be back to his normal H-bombing self before osteoporosis sets in and we have to go through this all over again. The second option…well, let’s just say that he would give Jones an offer that he could neither refuse nor defend. Specifically, “Five of these across the sneeze.”

(I kept telling the bouncers that I was over 21; I even showed them my ID and told them that it was *my* afterparty that they were bouncing, yet this happens once again…) 

After enduring the longest card free drought in nearly two years, the UFC returned to action last Saturday, delivering an event that was thoroughly satisfying from top-to-bottom, unless you happened to be in the small minority of people who wished ill upon either Michael Bisping or Jon Jones, that is. But as is the case with most UFC events, the evening was not without its share of ups and downs, so join us as we take take off our fanboy pants, pull our analrapist stockings over our heads, and take a look back at the event that was…

The Good:

Seth Baczynski’s Second Tour of Duty: One of the more improbable, if not unknown, comeback stories currently circulating the MMA world, the story of “The Polish Pistola’s” second octagon run has seen him score submission victories over TUF 13 alum Clay Harvison, TUF 7 alum Matt Brown, and earn a split decision victory over Lance Benoist. His beautiful knockout of Simeon Thoreson this past weekend should have easily earned him the KOTN award, but we imagine that Baczynski will be happy enough knowing that he has more than earned a shot at some stiffer competition — and considering his finishing rate, a main card spot — in the near future.

Vinny Magalhaes‘ Second Tour of Duty: While we’re on the subject of TUF alums kicking major ass their second time around, we can’t overlook TUF 8 finalist Vinny Magalhaes, who clearly packed some of his M-1 swagger for his return to the big show (figuratively speaking, of course). Granted, it makes your job a hell of a lot easier when your opponent decides to play directly into your strengths, but for now, we’ll just congratulate Vinny on a sweet finish and a successful return.

(“And *that’s* what I think of your wife’s titties. Yeah! Boo me, bitches! BOO MEEEEEEEEEEEE!” / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this gallery, click here.)

In the breakneck world of the UFC, a six-week hiatus between events feels like an eternity. But absence makes the heart grow fond, and if you’re anything like us, you’re super freakin’ pumped to watch some fights tonight. It doesn’t matter that the UFC light-heavyweight champion is defending his belt against a middleweight in a PRIDE New Year’s Eve-caliber squash match, or that the flyweight championship co-main event will very likely go to decision, or that Michael Bisping is the biggest asshole east of the Atlantic. Because when you add those guys up — and toss in Brian Stann, featherweight fight-finisher Charles Oliveira, and the return of Matt Hamill — you’ve got one of the most talent-rich UFC main cards of the year. Thanks, Jon.

Handling our liveblog for the UFC 152: Jones vs. Belfort pay-per-view broadcast is beloved CagePotato feature writer Jim Genia, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and tell us what you’re drinking in the comments section.

(We hate to admit when Bisping is right, but we’re suddenly more interested in this fight than those little flyweights.) 

After that old man Dan Henderson ruined our chances of seeing Jon Jones fight someone at least in his weight class at the time at UFC 151, another old man/lion hybrid stepped up when nobody else would, resulting in a much better card and a much needed break heading into this weekend’s UFC 152 event.

And now that you’ve all sufficiently recharged your batteries and disposed of the last of your paychecks, check out a full video of the UFC 152 pre-fight press conference after the jump. As you can see, the staredown between Michael Bisping and Brian Stann gets pretty gosh darn intense for a couple men in three thousand dollar suits. Meanwhile, it appears that Jones has apparently stolen Dave Herman’s beard in an attempt to hide his chin from the dynamite hands of Vitor Belfort. Very clever, Greg. Very clever.

Full video after the jump. 

To say the we like to have our fun at Michael Bisping’s expense would be like saying that Muhammad Ali liked to have his fun at Joe Frazier’s expense. Bisping is a polarizing figure in every sense of the word and one who is not likely to back down in the face of adversity. Therein lies his appeal. So if we could offer any advice to the Bisping haters out there, it would be to stifle said hatred when in “The Count’s” actual presence. Otherwise, you could quickly find yourself on the wrong end of a verbal (not to mention physical) beatdown in the near future.

Take this guy for instance:

As one can deduce from a basic ocular patdown – Skull t-shirt? Check. Dyed hair/soul patch/spray tan combo? Check. A faux gold chain draped over said skull t-shirt? Chiggity check yourself before you wreck yourself, Cotton – this guy knows A LOT about MMA. Hence his decision to heckle Bisping from the crowd during his UFC 152 open workout.

It did not go well.

(Oh, jeez. Has Michael seen this poster yet? He is gonna be piiiisssed.)

By Dan “Get Off Me” George

You know that saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Well, such is the case with UFC 151’s trash (which coincidentally resembles the remnants of a totaled Bentley) and UFC 152’s treasure. And those of us who were smart enough to recognize a curse when we saw one and purchase our tickets accordingly will reap the rewards of the 151 fallout by being treated to two title fights on the very same card. Suck it, over-saturation!

This Saturday night, the GAE will attempt to go where no other MMA blog/website/”professional MMA gambler”(my favorite) has gone before, a perfect 4-0 generating plus money dating back to UFC 148. So follow us after the jump as we try to navigate through the good, the bad, and the ugly betting lines of UFC 152: Jones vs Belfort (courtesy of BestFightOdds).

Charlie Brenneman (-225) vs. Kyle Noke (+185)

I feel that the Spaniard will be able to get this fight to the mat and establish himself as the dominant fighter. Hovering around -225, the line is appealing when you examine how Kyle Noke has lost his last two UFC bouts coupled with how Charlie has found victory throughout his UFC career (Ed note: Except here). This fight falls into the good category for betting lines and Brenneman will find his way into my parlay as the well priced favorite here.

(Too. Damn. Talented.)

By: Jason Moles

I’m sure there are more important things to talk about just days away from Jones-Henderson Jones-Sonnen Jones-Machida Jones-Belfort than another gimmicky post attempting to be relevant, but it’s been a while since we gave away CagePotato T-Shirts and we love you guys so much that we’ve decided to do it again. Here’s how it’s going to go down. Below is a list of 25 fighters and a brave attempt to describe them in three words. Not two, not four, just three simple words. Pretty easy, right? Read through them, then tweet us @CagePotatoMMA with your own three-word MMA fighter descriptions, including the hashtag #MMAFighterIn3Words. The three best submissions by tomorrow at 5 p.m. ET will win a shirt. (We’ll update this post with the winners after we select them.) Now let’s begin, shall we?

Quinton “Rampage” Jackson: Exit stage left.

Alexander “The Mauler” Gustafsson: Seeking next level.

Jon “Bones” Jones: If Healthy, Undefeated.*

Diego “The Dream” Sanchez: Starting over again.

Leonard Garcia: God help him.

Matt Hughes: Slayer of beasts.

(Benavidez REALLY lets Bisping have it at the 4:05 mark. That is sarcasm, by the way.)

It used to simply surprise me each time someone raced to defend the actions of Michael Bisping after we had given him the public tongue-lashing he so rightfully deserved, be it for his coaching exploits, his insistence on insulting every middleweight he comes across, or his general dickishness when alcohol is involved. His supporters, whom I can only assume are as crass, doltish, and incoherent as the subject at hand, often label us “anti-British,” because clearly Bisping’s ancestry is at the forefront of our issues with the guy, not the relentless douchbaggery he displays at every conceivable opportunity. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that no matter how sound a given argument is, there will always be a minority rallying against it. It’s why Old Dad was recently lambasted by the readers over at MMAJunkie for declaring that Brock Lesnar and all 8 of his professional fights had not earned him a spot in the UFC Hall of Fame because he had helped the sport get some fans (bring it on, bitches!). And it’s undoubtedly why some of you — for God knows what reason — will always be quick to defend the hooley-hoo punk-ass jabroni known as Count Bisping (seriously, BRING IT ON!).

Take his recent squabble with the UFC’s flyweight division, for instance. With no clear motivation (other than being billed below them at UFC 152), Bisping decided to launch into a diatribe aimed at the 125-pounders, declaring that “no one cares about little flyweights.” Bisping continued his attack at the UFC 152 press conference, where, when forced to deal with a response from Joseph Benavidez, stated that “when you were a glint in your dad’s eye, I was kicking ass in the UFC,” which makes sense because AGE IS DETERMINED BY HEIGHT AND WEIGHT AND THAT’S IT SHUT UP. Benavidez, along with most of us who can subtract 28 from 33, dismissed Bisping’s comments as “ridiculous” and moved on. However, when Benavidez was asked by teammate Urijah Faber in the “fighter diary” above if he thought he hit harder than Bisping, he nonchalantly declared that yes, he believed he did.

This was the kind of insolence that Bisping would simply not tolerate.

After the jump: Bisping’s response, which is as eloquently phrased and intelligent as Winston Churchill’s epic pwnage of Nancy Astor.

(The hardest thing to believe about this poster is that the photos of Johnson and Benavidez have not been scaled down whatsoever. True story though.) 

Ever since it was announced that Vitor Belfort would be stepping up to face Jon Jones at UFC 152, the MMA world responded with a mixture of confused apprehension and the outright fear of knowing that Belfort might very well get beaten into a living death before our very eyes. The bookies seemed to agree, listing Bones as high as -1500 over the former heavyweight and light heavyweight champ, which likely had something to do with the fact that Belfort had defected to The Blackzilians in preparation for the bout.

But putting aside the fact that Jon Jones is bigger, younger, and actually manages to show up for the majority of his fights uninjured, the UFC has steamrolled ahead with their promos for UFC 152, trying to convince us that this fight will be closely contested in any way, shape, or form (I really hope I eat crow for this statement), because what other options do they have at this point? Check out the first official promo for UFC 152 after the jump, and let us know if you have taken the bait.

(Will it ever get old?)

Here at CagePotato we don’t mind doing things by the book if we can still have a good time doing it. So, we didn’t mind enjoying a few modern classics when the UFC made them available through youtube.

After the jump you can too. Full fight videos of Anderson Silva vs. Chael Sonnen II, Dan Henderson vs. Michael Bisping: Comeuppance, and Jon Jones vs. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson.

These are all good’uns so if you’re in America, enjoy part of your day off by watching some of the world’s best fighters get after it. And if you don’t have the day off, get back at your employer passive aggressively by wasting a couple hours watching these on the job.

(Brittney Palmer makes love to the camera for her 2013 calendar, via TitoCouture)

- Jose Aldo Opens as -175 Favorite Over Frankie Edgar at UFC 153 (MMAWeekly)

- Anderson Silva: ‘A Lot Of People Thought I Was Gay’ Growing Up (Fightline)

- That’s not urine, okay? It’s a home-made sport drink called Machida-Ade. (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

- Michael Bisping Talks Jon Jones, Chael Sonnen and UFC 152 Fight With Brian Stann (HeavyMMA)

- Matt Mitrione vs. Phil De Fries Slated for UFC 155 (MMAFighting)

- Dennis Siver vs. Eddie Yagin Moved To UFC On FOX 5, All UFC 151 Fights Now Rescheduled (BloodyElbow)

- MMA: Inside the Cage #109: “The Truth About Tag Team MMA” (MMA: Inside the Cage)

- Bruce Lee Kicked Fashion’s Ass (MadeMan)

- The 101 Greatest ESPN GameDay Signs – EVER (BustedCoverage)

- Does Alcohol Really Help People Get Along? (MensFitness)

- The 10 Worst Movies of Summer 2012 (Complex)

- Shay Maria Pops a Balloon on Her Boobs (WorldWideInterweb)

- 5 Reasons Burning Man Is Not as Cool as You Think (EgoTV)

(I don’t always accuse Hector Lombard of using steroids, but when I do, I make this face.)  

Potato Nation, I feel like I should say something in regards to Michael Bisping, because it seems that every time we poke fun at the bloke, a few of you get all butt hurt and call us wankers or poofters before begging your mothers to kiss the wound and make it all better. You claim that we are biased against British people, and though we have every right to be, this is simply not the case.

So here’s the deal; I personally have nothing against you Brits. I find your accents to be glorious, dignified, and far more soothing on the ear to than the slack jawed “wickid aaawesomes” New England has to offer. I love the The Inbetweeners, Samuel Smith’s Nut Brown Ale, Ricky Gervais, and a platter of Bangers and Mash as much as the rest of you probably do, if not more. As a matter of fact, I don’t even hate Michael Bisping. Sure, the guy is a dick by all accounts, but I can’t really claim to hate someone that I’ve never met before. I’m simply not that cynical, and I’m sure the same goes for my fellow writers. But this is CagePotato. We make jokes here. And we just happen to enjoy targeting guys like Bisping, Josh Koscheck, fat BJ Penn, and Dana White, because we enjoy picking the lowest hanging fruit. We good now? Alright, let’s move on.

The reason I give this disclaimer is due to the fact that Bisping recently sat down with Mauro Ranallo for a lengthy interview a month out from his UFC 152 fight with “All American” Brian Stann. We know, you’re thinking we’re going to set him up for a punchline here, but that is not the case today. Everything from the current injury curse to Hector Lombard’s dud of a debut was discussed, but it was when they came to the issue of TRT that Bisping actually made an argument that we could get behind. Our buddies over at MiddleEasy shared our concern. Granted, Bisping had to reduce most of his argument to the crudest terms available, but that doesn’t make it wrong:

I think it’s absolute nonsense, rubbish, bullshit. Listen, we all get old, we all grow up, you know? At some point, as you start getting older, your balls don’t work as well and you don’t make as much testosterone, but, that’s life and you deal with it. A guy that is 40-years old doesn’t make as much testosterone as a 21-year old so he gets an exemption certificate to say, ‘So now we will give him as much testosterone as a 21-year old.’ Well, what about me, I’m 33 (years of age), I’m not making the same amount as a 21-year old, but I make more than a 40-year old.

Where do we draw the line? It’s nonsense.

After the jump: The full interview, wherein Bisping accuses Lombard of steroid use, calls Mark Munoz fat, and says he’s “gonna knock the fucker out” when discussing Stann. And the world returned to normal.

(Oh, you said you have a *flaggy* tattoo? I must have misheard you.) 

By Nathan Smith

During a recent interview with the Wall Street Journal, Dana White said, “Globally, we’re already bigger than the NFL.” From a global stand point that may be true, but in the Pulp Fiction-esque United States, the NFL is still Marsellus Wallace. The UFC may never gain the notoriety that the NFL has in America but stand-out fighters continue to ink major product endorsement deals. Anderson Silva (Burger King, Budweiser), Georges St. Pierre (Gatorade, UnderArmor) and Jon Jones (Nike) are paving the way to success for future mixed martial artists. Although big-time corporate sponsorship for fighters is in its infancy, the other major professional sports leagues have seen their athletes gain almost as much notoriety outside the lines as within.

The UFC was purchased by Zuffa just over a decade ago and has been charging towards global domination ever since. Sure, the NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL (well, maybe not the NHL) playoffs and championship contests annihilate the UFC ratings-wise but the premier MMA organization is gaining at a rapid pace. Take into account the combined several hundred years of history the 4 “major” professional leagues hold and it is glaringly apparent that the UFC and its stars are closing the gap like a fat dude towards a parked Roach Coach.

Comparing the UFC’s ratings and popularity with the aforementioned leagues is somewhat asinine and it would not be fair or rational to compare athletes from other sports with UFC fighters – but you have visited Cagepotato.com. We have never been accused of being fair or rational and matching fighters with their counterparts from around the world of other sporting organizations seemed as logical as a booze-filled headset.

Anderson Silva and Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan has become the benchmark to which all athletes are measured, although the comparisons have transcended far beyond the realm of athletics. Any activity or event draws comparisons to #23 (or #45 whatever). From Ken Jennings being the Michael Jordan of Jeopardy, to Joey Chestnut being the Michael Jordan of gluttony or Peter North being the Michael Jordan of male climax volume, Jordan is synonymous with superiority. In every single poll taken in the last decade regarding the “Top 100 NBA players in History” the battle is for #2 through #100. Michael Jordan is considered the greatest of all time in his medium (and I am not talking about minor league baseball).  Anderson Silva, with his perfect 15-0 record and 10 consecutive title defenses in the UFC, has done things that may never be accomplished again in the history of mixed martial arts. Some day a fighter may come along (if he hasn’t already *foreshadowing*) and surpass Silva’s records but until his numbers fall, Anderson Silva is the Michael Jordan of MMA – period.

(Nice job, Jason, you’ve gone and gotten yourself fired again, you idiot. Calm down, just calm down…you’ve talked your way out of worse than this, you just gotta think. How to stay relevant, how to stay relevant…OK, it has to be something REALLY out there, you know, something that will totally live up to your zany personality and at the least get you another pilot on MTV…fucking Bisping and his fire extinguishers ruined everything for us…come on, we’ve got to FOCUS!!….Wait…fire extinguishers…….Mayhem, you cheeky bastard, you’ve done it again.) 

Update: Miller’s booking photo is now at the bottom of this post, via TMZ. He looks pretty good, considering.

Well this is surprising.

Just days after urging Dana White to commit suicide, dubbing himself “A warrior for peace and ultimate fighter for justice” and bragging about how he was “happier than I have ever been,” it appears that TUF 14 coach and Bully Beatdown host Jason Miller has been arrested. Again. In a church in Mission Viejo. Naked.

Apparently Miller’s newfound “energy” is fueled by either bath salts or peyote and a touch of the crazy. In either case, we fail to see how this defines putting said energy into “the right things.” Here’s what went down according to TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, the O.C. Sheriff’s Office received a call early this morning from the Mission Hills Church in Mission Viejo about a possible burglary in progress.

When the deputies arrived, we’re told they found the first and second floors covered in white fire extinguisher spray. Cops say the place was also trashed — scattered CDs, books, and broken pictures.

When officers reached the second floor, we’re told they found Miller naked on some couch — totally awake and coherent.  It’s unclear if Miller was under the influence.

A note to all you haters of Michael Bisping: “The Count” doesn’t always prank you, but when he does, it emotionally traumatizes you for life. And Mayhem just got Scott Tenorman’d.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Five UFC 152 headliners were in Toronto yesterday for a press conference to hype up the event, including Joseph Benavidez and Michael Bisping, who were seated next to each other — a somewhat awkward situation, considering Bisping’s recent slam on the 125-pound division. When a reporter inevitably asked Benavidez what he thought about Bisping’s “no one cares about little flyweights” comment, Joe pulled no punches:

“It was pretty silly of course when I heard it, but it’s Michael Bisping. Everyone pretty much expects something ridiculous to come out of his mouth, right? I mean, that’s pretty much what he does.”

Said Bisping: “Listen pal, when you were a glint in your dad’s eye, I was kicking ass in the UFC.”

“And probably saying ridiculous things, also,” Benavidez continued. “It’s not gonna change the fact that [Demetrious Johnson and I are] the top two guys in the world and that we’re going out to make history that night. So everyone that supports us, thanks and we love you. Everyone that doesn’t, including Bisping, I think you soon will and you’ll be excited for this. So yeah man, it’s gonna be great, and [*pats Bisping on the shoulder*] glad to have you on the card as co-main, buddy.”

Ooooooh, burn! Notably absent from the press conference was BJ Penn, which made Rory MacDonald question where his opponent’s was at. As MacDonald said later in the press conference (via MMAMania):

(“He didn’t mean it, Ian. Come on. You’re a star in my eyes, bro.” / Photo via Steve Mitchell/US PRESSWIRE)

Michael Bisping is an asshole. He’s a tremendous asshole, and he makes no apologies for it. Sometimes, his assholishness is undeniably entertaining — like when he recently described Hector Lombard as a “poison dwarf” whose mother smoked while she was pregnant. And sometimes he’s just a dick, straight up.

Case in point — at UFC 152 on September 22nd in Toronto, Bisping is fighting Brian Stann in a bout that could have title implications in the middleweight division. Technically, it’s the co-main event that night, supporting the UFC’s first-ever flyweight championship fight between Joseph Benavidez and Demetrious Johnson. (Whenever there’s a title match on a UFC card, it automatically gets main-event status, regardless of the relative popularity of those headliners compared to the card’s supporting players.) Anyway, here’s Bisping trying to sell his fight against Stann during an appearance on FuelTV on Saturday:

“In my opinion, and I think in most people’s, this is the main event. This is the real main event. Two big hard hitting guys. No one cares about little flyweights, this is the real main event, this is the real big fight, tune in cause someone’s getting knocked out, ain’t going to be me though.”

(Photographer unknown. Level of badassery incalculable.)

For this installment of the CagePotato Roundtable, we invited a few of our photographer buddies over to discuss our all-time favorite MMA photos. Judging by our selections, shots of agony and defeat have a special attraction to them. I think it’s because they allow us to get close to an incredibly intense, transcendent moment, without having to experience the pain of it. And isn’t that why we love MMA in the first place? Our special guests for today are…

- Lee Whitehead, author of Blunt Force Trauma & The Mammoth Book of Mixed Martial Arts. You can see more of his work at www.leewhitehead.com, on Instagram, and on Twitter @leewhiteheadmma.

- Jon Sluder, who shot Bellator 34 for us back in October 2010. Check out his recent highlights at Sluder.net.

- Jason Wright, who shot UFC 119 for us back in September 2010; if you follow us on Facebook, you recently saw one of his highlights from that night. You can see more of J-Dog’s work at jasonwrightphotography.com.

Disclaimer: There’s a short list of MMA photographers who have asked us to stop posting their work on this site due to copyright issues, and a couple of contributors to this week’s column happened to select photos taken by those photographers. We’ve used stand-ins in those cases, with links to the actual photos. Also, we don’t know why BJ Penn is so heavily represented in this column. The guy always seems to be in the right place at the right time.

Lee Whitehead

(Click image for larger version.)

I have many favorite photos from all the years shooting MMA but this one has to rank amongst the very top purely because of all the flack and accusations of photoshop manipulation with the blood spurt; professionals can spot a ringer, and this ain’t one. The disappointing thing is that all negative comments detract from our main strength as MMA photographers — to understand the sport, spot smaller nuances, read the timing, and capture a key defining moment in a fight. To me, this brief slice of time from UFC 80 serves as the perfect reminder of how dominant BJ Penn was in his prime.

(Thanks to tufentertainment.net for the fitting logo.)

By Nathan Smith

With the recent announcement that Roy Nelson and Shane Carwin have been named as the coaches for the next installment of The Ultimate Fighter series, the MMA universe immediately launched into a full-blow orgasmic ticker-tape parade complete with tons of flying confetti and a marching band belting out death metal tunes. Once I heard the news, it was as if my life instantaneously turned into a beer commercial and the entire Potato Nation was invited. There was a rad pool-party, barbeque, a plethora of hotties, endless alcohol, and an overall quest for fun.

Well . . . . . actually, none of that happened. In fact, when word spread that Nelson and Carwin would helm the next season of TUF, it was officially filed under “WTF?” Judging from the comment section, most of the CP brethren didn’t care for the choices either. TUF is coming off a season that saw the ratings dip lower than they ever had, which could partially be blamed on the move to FX and the dreaded Friday night time slot. Regardless of the variables for the ratings drop, something drastic needs to be done, but is anybody really convinced that Carwin and Nelson are the answer to TUF’s slow and painful demise? Let’s start from the beginning and take a look back to see if this runaway train can be coaxed back onto the main rail.

The Season That Started it All 

The inaugural season of TUF featured future Hall of Famers Chuck Liddell and Randy Couture as the competing coaches who would go mano y mano at the PPV after the season finale. For fans of the UFC, that was good enough for most to initially tune in for the Fertitta-funded experiment. It still remains the best crop of young talent and personalities to ever grace the show; future stars like Forrest Griffin, Stephan Bonnar, Josh Koscheck, Chris Leben, Diego Sanchez, Mike Swick, Kenny Florian, and Nate Quarry were all complete unknowns vying for stardom in a fledgling sport. You mix in the whole “fatherless bastard” angle and the show was off and running even before the awe-inspiring climax between (pre TRT) FoGrif and The American Psycho. Even before that, we were treated to the greatest speech of all time that has since been condensed into a few words. “Do you wanna be a fighter?” Though there were other memorable moments from the seasons that followed, Zuffa should have quit while they were ahead because it would never be this good again. The unrefined personification of immature talent, undeniable aspirations and gonzo-sized balls oozed from the boob tube during every episode.

(You call ‘at a breedge? Check out old Albert and get back at me, you tosser.) 

And go figure, the British Team is already being called “cocky.” In case you had already forgotten, the “hit” reality show recently announced its coaches for both the 16th season of the show here in America and the second international season. Pitting the United Kingdom against Australia, TUF: Smashes began filming today, according to a report by yourmmatv.com. When asked how the first stages of shooting were going, UFC President Dana White told the Herald Sun that the British team, going against everything we have ever learned about them, are acting unnecessarily arrogant in the presence of their Aussie opponents:

Because MMA is newer here than it is to the United States and the UK, and this happened when the US fought the UK, the US were very cocky and that they felt like you know, `there’s not enough good guys over there.’ Well that’s the way the UK is acting right now and when you underestimate your opponent, that’s when you get your ass kicked.

(So, Anderson, who would *you* like to face next?) 

By Jared Jones

Let’s face it, the current state of the middleweight division is that of anarchy, a notion made all the more bewildering when you consider that it has been trapped beneath the crushing, totalitarian rule of the same king for the better part of a decade now. Yet somehow, it seems we can barely go a day without hearing that Vitor Belfort wants to fight so-and-so for the next title shot, or Michael Bisping wants to fight this guy for the right to do the same. Or that guy. Or that guy.

And indeed, the issue of solving who should rightfully receive the next beatdown shot at Anderson Silva is a tough one, dividing fans on a level that only TRT, vaseline, or Steven Seagal could match (scratch that, *no one* likes Sensei Seagal). Thankfully, CagePotato is here to clean up the mess instead of making it for once, so join us as we lay out in detail what must be done to organize the middleweight division’s long list of contenders in order of title shot worthiness (I swear to God I had something better for that). Feel free to debate this list if you want, but this is how it’s got to be.

On the Outside Looking In 

Michael Bisping

We know we like to poke fun at the guy, but in total seriousness, you’d have to be insane to believe that Bisping deserves a shot at the middleweight title. Yes, he is 4-1 in his past 5, as is the case for many of the UFC’s top middleweights, oddly enough. And yes, there’s little denying that Bisping has looked more tenacious and well rounded as of late than he ever has. But first, take a look at the names that make up his win streak. The biggest win he has under his belt in the past few years is Yoshihiro Akiyama, a 1-4 now welterweight who has been a complete bust in the UFC. Other than that, you have a now retired reality show host, a retired journeyman, and Dan Miller, who we absolutely refuse to say anything bad about.

ANOTHER SPOILER: It’s not Zeus, Neptune or the Kraken, either.

Okay, so the title of the article gives you no hints at all whatsoever on who Michael Bisping’s next opponent is. Given that Michael Bisping has been calling out seemingly every relevant middleweight, the title can be referring to any fighter that would make sense as an opponent for “The Count,” and even a few that wouldn’t. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Well, The Count now has an opponent in place for September 22′s UFC 152 in Toronto. Standing across the cage from Michael Bisping will be none other than Brian Stann.

When we last saw Stann in action, the former Marine made very quick work of Alessio Sakara at April’s UFC on FUEL TV 2, knocking him out two and a half minutes into their bout. Stann was then expected to welcome Bellator Middleweight Champion Hector Lombard to the UFC at August’s UFC on Fox 4, but a shoulder injury forced him off of the card. After being called out by none other than Michael Bisping, “The All-American” would accept Bisping’s callout on July 4th, which I’m sure has some kind of significance.

(*dial tone* Alcohol affects the memory.) 

Newton’s third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Over the past few months, everyone from Tim Boetsch to Alan Belcher to Brian Stann have called out soft-spoken middleweight Michael Bisping, and we honestly can’t understand why. The man is a kind, yet misunderstood human being with great taste in music who has never come off as anything but respectful for as long as we’ve known him. As it goes in prison, they always seem to pick on the nice guy who doesn’t really belong there.

Recently, however, it appears that Bisping has had enough, and has turned the tables on the bullies that simply wont let him be, threatening to kick not only Stann’s ass, but calling out Hector Lombard (sort of), then Anderson Silva, and now Chris Weidman as well. Apparently fed up with all of the “respect” Weidman was receiving for “finishing” a fight against a “top” contender, Bisping took to Twitter to vent his frustrations:

Weidman looked great last night. But no1 contender? If that’s the case I want to fight him and prove I’m the number 1 contender. Let’s do it.

Now, we understand that Bisping may very well think that he’s the number one contender, despite the fact that his last win against a top or even upper-tier middleweight dates back to, you know, never, but this is getting a little redundant at this point, is it not?

(Props: fueltv)

After spending the night screaming himself hoarse, an “amped-up” (read: sweaty and half-drunk) Michael Bisping spent a few minutes with Ariel Helwani lobbying for a fight against Anderson Silva, on the grounds that he’d do a lot better against Silva than Chael Sonnen did on Saturday night. Why? Because he can wrestle and strike. And that’s pretty much it. The secret to beating Anderson Silva is basic well-roundedness, I guess. But Bisping’s greater motivation is simply to see how he’d stack up against the best in the world. Here’s how the Count broke down Silva vs. Sonnen 2, and his hopes for a future meeting with the Spider:

“Chael is an amazing wrestler, you know, he went to the Olympics I think. Not everybody can do that. I’m not that level of wrestler. I can wrestle a little bit, but I’m not like Chael Sonnen. But, I can kickbox a damn sight better than Chael Sonnen can. I won’t get knocked out in the second round like Chael Sonnen did. That’s a fact. [Silva] got wrestled to death in the first round, it was a massively dominant round for Chael Sonnen in the first round. But [Silva] does it every time, he proves why he’s the best. It doesn’t matter what happens in round one. It’s how the fight ends. And Anderson Silva, he pulled it off again. You’re a fool to bet against Anderson. He’s amazing.

“And for me, personally, I want to fight the guy because I want to see how I can do against him. I’ve beat a lot of guys, but I want to fight that guy. I think I can do better. And I’m never going to know that until I get in there with him. Yes, I want to fight him. Yes, I want to get paid for a title shot. I want the main event, I want all that. But for me, personally, for my mind and soul, I want to fight the guy to know how I would do. Because I think I can do better than Chael Sonnen did. In fact, I know I can do better than what Chael Sonnen did.”

By George Shunick

There must be something about early July that gets Americans riled up at the British. This year it’s former Marine (not Army, as I mistakenly implied last time) Brian Stann who is ready to do battle with vile, pasty British person Michael Bisping. Ok, so if you want to get technical about it, Bisping kind of called out Stann first. Whatever. The point is that Stann is the latest in a long line of Americans who have stood against this insufferable British menace.

Now, I try not to devolve into hyperbole, but I think it’s safe to say that since his humiliating loss to Dan Henderson, Michael Bisping has had one thing on his mind – the destruction of America itself. Though presumably suffering through the devastating aftereffects of the H-Bomb, Bisping bided his time with a detour through a few Brazilians, where he met with mixed success. When he was ready, he returned to the rebellious colonies, determined to finish the war his forefathers had started centuries ago.

His first strike against Dan Miller went largely unnoticed; there was no reason to suspect Bisping would dare take any further action against America. Bisping then took on Japan’s Yoshiro Akiyama, which seemed to cement this theory – but is it a coincidence that Japan, Akiyama’s home country, is under the protection of American troops? I think not. Bisping became more brazen after this conquest, challenging Army veteran and Tim Kennedy training partner Jorge Rivera. Rivera admirably attempted to subvert the devious Brit’s diabolical scheme using psychological warfare, but it backfired in brutal fashion. Bisping was befuddled by Rivera’s tactics to the extent that he forgot the rule against kneeing the head of a downed opponent, leading to Rivera’s demise. Bisping also forgot common decency and sportsmanship, a staple of British culture from all accounts, and proceeded to spit at Rivera’s corner in the heated aftermath of the fight. Or he was never aware of them to begin with. Either way, his anti-American agenda was made clear.