Upon doing a little research, we have discovered that longtime MMA announcer Michael “Good Night Irene” Schiavello is from some place called Australia. Awwstraileeyah. We’ve never heard of it either, but what you should know is that folks who hail from this…AUSTRALIA, tend to have funny-sounding voices. Not funny in a German nihilist kind of way, but funny nonetheless. At last Friday’s RFA 7 event, we found out that Schiavello’s accent becomes particularly amusing when attempting to pronounce the name of young fighter Danny Mainus.

You see, Mainus sounds a bit like “my anus,” you dig? It’s a fact that becomes quite humorous when Schiavello says things like “There’s a cut on Mainus,” or “Mainus is ready to pounce here.” And while this kind of humor might not be up your alley if you have moved on from the 8th grade, well, you’re probably not in our target audience anyway. So check out the video above and rate it on a comedic scale of Zookeeper to The Big Lebowski in the comments section, with Zookeeper obviously being on the upper end of the spectrum. When Kevin James started talking to that monkey, you guys, I totally roflcoptered. I roflcoptered all over myself.

Now piss off, because I need to finish writing this note to pass to Patty Nelson in chemistry class (more like phlegmistry class, amiright? *receives high fives from everyone at the cool kids lunch table*) to see if she’ll go with me to the Spring semi-formal. If she denies me, I’ll just tell Tony T and Space Face Mike that she has herpes anyway.

-J. Jones

How’s your day going, Potato Nation? Could it use more ego-stroking, embellished ramblings, and conspiracy theories delivered in a raspy yet soothing undertone? Well luckily for you, none other than famed mixed martial arts instructor and former movie star Steven Seagal recently sat down for the longest interview of his career to do just that.

We’re not going to spoil the interview for you, but suffice it to say, it’s classic Seagal. Over the course of fifty minutes, Seagal not only claims that he has possibly killed someone or many someones in his life, but that he deserved the Nobel Peace Prize that Al Gore received in 2007 (ironic), and knows the truth behind Brandon Lee’s death. Also, Above the Law was autobiographical.

I will say that again. This fucking film was AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL.

No more spoilers, just sit back and enjoy.

-J. Jones

(Overeem likes his pecs like his K-1 trophies: abnormally large.) 

On a recent episode of Inside MMA, commentators Joe Rogan and Michael Schiavello sat down alongside Josh Barnett to discuss the topic that has thrown the MMA world into chaos over the past few days: Alistair Overeem’s positive drug test. Barnett wisely chose to remain silent for the duration of the conversation, likely because his last positive test was responsible for destroying the Afflicition promotion before it could spend itself into its own grave.

But it was Schiavello, a long time friend of Overeem, who took an interesting stance on the issue, basically saying that, if a fighter pisses hot anytime other than fight week, why should they be held accountable? Here’s what he said:

You know, while we’re talking about the subject, Kenny, I just wanna chime in here on a couple things that have been playing on my mind, the last week or so, since the news of Alistair (Overeem) broke. Alistair doesn’t have a license with the Nevada State Athletic Commission (NSAC), so how are they testing him in the first place when he doesn’t have a license with them? By what jurisdiction are they testing him? And ‘B,’ everyone seems to be hanging Alistair out to dry. They’ve been nailing him to the cross and crucifying him, but it’s still two months away from his fight. You know, he hasn’t technically cheated. Because, unless he pisses hot on the fight night, how could he possibly have cheated? There’s still an opportunity he can get from the 14:1 down to the allowed 6:1 level by fight time. But we’re calling him out as a cheat, two months out from a fight?

Yes, Michael, we are calling him a cheat. Probably because he fucking cheated.

Check out the video, along with Mark Hunt’s reaction to the news, after the jump.

(Pat Barry lets a seven-year-old haul off on his face for four minutes. This is basically what I imagine Pat’s sparring sessions with Brock Lesnar looked like. Props: LIAM_B)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…

- Tito Ortiz Says His Final MMA Fight Will Take Place in July, Possibly Against Forrest Griffin (MiddleEasy)

- Lyoto Machida Undergoes Successful Surgery, Calls Out Chael Sonnen (MMA Fighting)

- Jim Ross: Brock Lesnar Returning to the WWE Simply Isn’t Happening (MMA Mania)

- Top 10 Best Fights From the UFC in 2011 (The Fight Nerd)

- Luke Rockhold: Keith Jardine Does Not Deserve a Title Shot (Lowkick.Blitzcorner.com)

- FightLine Exclusive Interview With Karo Parisyan (FightLine)

- Michael Schiavello Rips Fedor Emelianenko and M-1 Global for ‘Diva’ Behavior (5th Round)

- UFC 143: Diaz vs. Condit Gets UFC Primetime Treatment (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Strikeforce: Robbie Lawler’s 10 Greatest Fights (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Five Big Items of Fallout From MMA’s Two NYE Shows (Fight Opinion)

- UFC for XBox Live a Dud in Debut (MMA Payout)

- A Viking Send-Off for Brock Lesnar (MMA Convert)

If you’re like me, when you see that Joe Rogan or Mike Goldberg are about to launch into one of their interview segments during the Spike prelims, you likely use the opportunity to grab a beer, take a piss, or switch over to Comedy Central to re-watch the end of last week’s Workaholics episode (the exception to this is of course,when Jason Mamoa is around). Because let’s be honest, who wants to listen to Dana White scream over a blaring DMX song about how great the upcoming card that you can’t afford is going to be?

But in the case of last weekend’s ProElite 2-Big Guns event, Michael Schiavello’s interview with B.J. Penn felt like the first breath after awakening from a seven year coma. Penn, who has apparently mastered the technology behind Wolverine’s healing powers, showed few signs of the damage Nick Diaz inflicted upon him just over a week ago. At the event to support his brother Reagan, “The Prodigy” discussed how retiring had been on his mind for some time:

(Video courtesy of YouTube/Undubately)

If you’re unfamiliar with who Badr Hari is, watch this documentary and familiarize yourself with kickboxing’s answer to Mike Tyson.

“The Golden Boy” is candid and honest about his issues with anger inside and outside of the ring in the short doc that aired last week on Dutch TV. I don’t know what makes a crazy, out of control person who stomps on downed opponents and knocks people who piss him off out in the street so polarizing, but it’s stories like these that I’d read about or watch any day of the week.

If you’re like me and the show left you wanting to hear more from Hari about himself, you’re in luck. Michael Schiavello announced during the HDNet broadcast of last weekend’s Titan Fighting event that he recently sat down with the beleagured Dutch-born Morroccan fighter to shoot an episode of  his acclaimed “The Voice vs.” series and that it was the most intense interview he’s ever done. The Voice vs. Badr Hari will air June 24 at 10 pm ET on HDNet.

Check out parts 2 and 3 of the documentary after the jump.

(Video courtesy of Vimeo/TheReem)

The Reem is back with another episode of our favorite web documentary series and it was worth the wait.

If your garbage cable company doesn’t carry HDNet (thanks, Time Warner) or if you had a hot date last night (yeah, right), you may have missed Michael Schiavello’s highly entertaining interview with Wanderlei Silva. Don’t worry, we got you covered. This lengthy, up-close look at “The Axe Murderer” showcases the jovial, caring personality that so bizarrely compliments the skull crushing beast we all know and love. A few short notes and parts 2, 3, & 4 after the jump.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/edelsonmoura)

Just a reminder that HDNet will be airing the latest episode of Michael Schiavello’s The Voice vs… series tonight featuring UFC  and PRIDE favorite, Wanderlei Silva.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/gregorybayne)

- An open letter to ‘Sons of Anarchy’ creator Kurt Sutter (ScreenJunkies)

- Rampage vs. Matt Hamill in the works for UFC 130 (Heavy)

- Belfort says Anderson got Lucky Saturday night (LowKick)

- Report suggests Anderson Silva used Steven Seagal for publicity (MMA Convert)

-Sonnen says fight would have been stopped if Anderson punished him like he did “The Spider” (PaulLazenby)

-Holy Taco’s guide to improving your online dating profile (HolyTaco)

- Vitor Belfort welcomes rematch against Wanderlei Silva (Tatame)

- Golfball launcher (TheRugged)

- SFHWGP R1 weigh-in results (FightersOnly)

- Brooklyn Decker promotes SI swimsuit edition (TuVez)

- “Fear and Loathing” by Michael The Voice Schiavello (TheGarv)

(Props: Cyberplex)

"Ryan’s mentioning that he thinks that I’ll cut down on my flashiness? That’s what he’s afraid of. So that’s exactly what I’ll probably give him the most, is a lot of weird, unorthodox techniques that he’s never seen, even in wrestling."

So says light-heavyweight contender Jon Jones, who’s set to face off against Ryan Bader in a high-profile matchup at UFC 126: Silva vs. Belfort on Super Bowl weekend. In his most recent fights against Vladimir Matyushenko, Brandon Vera, and Matt Hamill, Jones simplified his gameplan so that he was pretty much just taking guys down with his Greco throws then smashing them with elbows and punches until the ref pulled him off. Bader will be expecting that, which may be why Jones is promising brand-new techniques. But what can he throw that he hasn’t shown us already? Is there such a thing as a spinning-flying-knee?  

After the jump: Chuck Liddell‘s guest-spot on Blue Mountain State (damn right it’s horrible!), Michael Schiavello repeats his catch-phrase over and over again, and MMA makes it onto Comedy Central’s brand-new Sportsdome series. Sort of.

(Video courtesy YouTube/JoeRogan.net)

In a segment he recorded with K-1 and HDNet commentator, Michael "The Voice" Schiavello for his podcast last week, UFC color analyst, Joe Rogan gave his thoughts on the UFC partnering with other organizations to bring fans the best fights possible.

From a business perspective, Rogan says he can’t see it happening, but from a fan perspective, he says he wishes his employer would just periodically forget about the competition and money for the sake of the sport.

"That’s a big problem to me that there’s all of these organizations. If there was just the UFC, Alistair would fight Brock. But Alistair would not have gotten to become Alistair if it wasn’t for fighting in all of these other organizations. There’s not enough fights in the UFC. There’s not enough shows. There’s only so many shows," Rogan explained. "We need other organizations. I just wish they could fucking figure out a way to work it out so they could get to fight each other. For one night. The problem is, it would have to be..The problem is the UFC is such a much bigger name and they’re worth so much more money and it would lend respectability to Strikeforce and like build up the enemy. You couldn’t really do it, unfortunately, business-wise, but FUUUCK!"

(Props: YouTube.com/PrivateMichael104)

The story of Tito Ortiz getting punched out by convicted bank robber Lee Murray during an alleyway altercation after UFC 38 has grown into one of MMA’s most beloved bits of folklore. The most famous version — relayed second-hand from a drunken Pat Miletich and published in Matt Hughes’s autobiography Made in America — ends with Tito Ortiz getting starched by "like, a five-punch combo," then boot-stomped.

On this Friday’s installment of Michael Schiavello’s HDNet interview series The Voice Vs…, Ortiz gets to tell his side of the tale. Basically, it was Ortiz’s friend that was getting stomped, and when Murray dropped Ortiz with a punch it was more of slip then anything else, and that only happened after Murray was running away like a little bitch, and Tito was able to pop back up anyway. As Tito explains, "I was never unconscious at the time, in my whole career I’ve never been unconscious, and I never will go unconscious." Also, Lee Murray’s robbery conviction was karmic revenge for this embarrassing story being spread around.

No mention of the best part of the Ortiz vs. Murray street fight legend, which involved Chuck Liddell knocking multiple dudes out with his back against a wall. Where were you back then, TMZ?