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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: MMA excuses

Jacob Volkmann Opens Fire at the UFC’s Low Pay, Crappy Health Insurance, and Preferential Treatment of Stand-and-Bangers


(*crickets* / Photo via US Presswire)

Looks like getting picked up right away by the World Series of Fighting after recently being fired by the UFC did not take away any bitterness from our favorite President-threatening lightweight, Jacob Volkmann. This past February, Volkmann lost by submission for the second time in his last three fights and was subsequently released by the UFC.

The elfin warrior tells AboveAndBeyondMMA.com that he didn’t deserve to be cut and is now on a mission to expose what he sees as the UFC’s unfair treatment of fighters.

“Well, I didn’t realize there was that much politics in martial arts, especially in the UFC. That was kind of frustrating. It’s not who is the best; it’s more of a political kind of BS,” he said.

“I was released after a loss against Bobby Green, which I should’ve never lost. It was kind of a fluke loss, going into the fight sick. I lost and then after that, they cut me. I was 6-2 at lightweight and they still cut me.

“You’ve got to know the right person, have the right manager in there. And your style determines if you stay in, too. The guys that stand and bang are the ones who are still fighting for the UFC. The ones that take the fights to the ground and focus more on the technique on the ground, they’re not in there because apparently the fans don’t like that.”

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Rumor: Junior Dos Santos’ Pre-UFC 155 Personal Problems Involved Split With Wife

When Junior Dos Santos attempted to write off his lopsided defeat to Cain Velasquez at UFC 155 as the result of “personal” issues, most of us just assumed that he was having a difficult time facing the fact that he was bested by a man he had previously destroyed. “Excuses are like assholes,” commented at least one of you. “JDS was way to overconfident and paid for it,” said a few others.

However, if the rumors currently circulating the MMA blogosphere have any truth to them, it was actually Armfarmer who provided the most astute observation of JDS when he declared that “Maybe he finally realized that he’s married to a 2 when he could be pulling 10′s left and right. That realization would sure cause me some distracting personal problems..” A bit harsh? Surely, but according to Tatame’s Guilherme Cruz, Dos Santos was in fact in the process of separating from his wife of ten years in the lead-up to UFC 155:

If you were wondering what JDS meant when said he has personal issues prior to Cain’s rematch, he ended his 10-year marriage w/ Vilsana. 

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You Knew It Was Coming: Junior Dos Santos Cites “Personal and Kidney Issues” Behind UFC 155 Loss


(As you can tell by the above photo, Junior was feeling a little self-conscious about his looks that night as well.) 

Perhaps it’s because he’s one of the nicest guys in the sport, but we’d like to think that most MMA fans hold Junior Dos Santos to a higher standard than that of most fighters. We sure as hell do. Regardless of who you were rooting for at UFC 155, we defy you to declare that you didn’t weep for the battered former champ as he asked Joe Rogan “Why they do that?” while being met with a chorus of undeserved boos in his post-fight interview. It was like watching a child’s face sink with the unexpected revelation that that there was no Santa. On Christmas Eve.

So it is with heavy hearts that we must bring you the inevitable next chapter in the book of any fallen fighter: The Excuses. To be fair, the problems Junior cited in a recent interview with Brazil’s Esporte were not the typical kind of nonsense you’d hear from 90% of MMA fighters attempting to diagnose a loss, but the fact that we hold Junior in such high regard makes his recent allegations all the more disappointing:

Really was my head. I had some personal things going on, a bit of my attention was lacking because of it. And another thing. Soon after the fight I went to the hospital and had a scan, which showed my creatine was too high. The normal level is up to 300, mine was in 1400. I also had trouble in the urine and kidneys.

 The explanation of the doctors is that I pushed over the line, I over trained, and problems could have happened even before the fight… I was so good that I ended up crossing the line. That was the explanation of doctors. Mine is that I was not good with my head, was having personal problems and did not go well mentally in the fight. 

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Lashley Blames ‘Certain Events’ for Loss to Chad Griggs


(How did Bobby Lashley go from wrestling at a svelte 177-pounds in college to owning a Herculean physique and a head big enough to have its own zip code? Certain events, playa. PicProps: Heavy.com)

So, it was either the lingering effects of mononucleosis, that pesky bout of dehydration (possibly owing to the mononucleosis) or pressure from the haters that caused Bobby Lashley to shit the bed against Chad Griggs at Strikeforce: Houston last month. So said Lashley during an appearance on Ariel Helwani’s "The MMA Hour" yesterday. We’d be able to pin it down further for you, but reports make it seem like the WWE-wrestler-turned-MMA-heavyweight was still being kind of vague about the whole thing.

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The Ten Sorriest Excuses In MMA History


(This is why B.J Penn still wakes up some nights in a terror, convinced that he’s covered in Vaseline and his own blood.)

Whether we want to admit it or not, excuses are as much a part of mixed martial arts as Tapout tees and fist-pose photographs. They have to be. In a world where you must talk yourself into believing that you’re either the baddest man in your weight class or else on your way to becoming it, a loss is something you have to find some way to reconcile, or else have your identity destroyed. That other dude couldn’t have won just because he was the better fighter. No, surely there’s a reason for this temporary setback, and chances are it’s very detailed and probably a little bit ridiculous.

In honor of the post-defeat excuse in MMA, we give you ten of the worst and weirdest attempts to explain away an ass-kicking. They aren’t necessarily untrue (though some are demonstrably untrue), but neither can they turn that L into a W. The best you can hope for is that they make sleeping at night just a little easier for the people who uttered them.

10. Mark Coleman couldn’t afford a proper training camp

(Don’t forget those elbows to the back of the head, either.)

Who beat him: Mauricio “Shogun” Rua
When: UFC 93, 1/17/09
Why: When Mark Coleman gassed out like a car owned by Mark Coleman against “Shogun” Rua in his return to the UFC, we initially assumed it was a sign of age. The man was forty-four years old, after all, which for some guys is the age where a strenuous day of yard work can land them in bed for a week. But Coleman cited a different reason after the fight, saying, “I didn’t have any money for a training camp before this fight. Those things cost money and I just couldn’t afford it.”
Why it’s plausible: Coleman is notoriously and permanently broke. Also, you saw how bad he looked in that fight, right?
Why it isn’t: Whether he could afford Randy Couture’s customized diet and trampoline gyms or not, Coleman knew he was headed into a pro fight and it was his responsibility to prepare. Plenty of broke fighters working side jobs at Jiffy Lube manage to get in shape, and without the promise of a big payday. It shouldn’t be so much to ask for a UFC Hall of Famer to do the same.

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