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Tag: MMA fight booking

Cheick Kongo to Obliterate the Testicles of Vinicius Queiroz Live on PPV November 2nd

You know that upcoming Bellator PPV none of you give a shit about? Well it just got SLIGHTLY MORE GIVE-A-SHITABLE.

That’s right kids, Luke Thomas recently passed along the word that some more UFC veterans are going to throw down for the right to challenge whoever Bellator’s current heavyweight champion is (I think it ends in “agrov” or “arinov”?) for the low, low price of 35ish dollars!


(That’s right, three consecutive posts anchored by gifs. Deal with it.)

In one corner, we have the Rousimar Palhares of the testicle world, Cheick Kongo. In the other, we have the only UFC fighter to ever contract Stanozolol from a sauna, Vinicius Queiroz. Both picked up “big” wins at Bellator 102 — the former with a 2nd round TKO of THE Mike Godbeer, the latter with a 23 second knockout of fellow UFC washout Lavar Johnson. CAN. YOU. SENSE. THE MEDIOCRITY.

Contain yourselves, Potato Nation.

-J. Jones

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OK, We’ll Admit It: This Bellator Pay-Per-View Card Is Getting Pretty Stacked

Although it’s being headlined by a matchup that is equal parts garbage and ass, the rest of Bellator’s first ever pay-per-view card is really starting to come together. Not only does it feature two title-fight rematches in Eddie Alvarez vs. Michael Chandler (lightweight) and King Mo Lawal vs. Emanuel Newton (interim LHW), but Bellator officials announced earlier today that the much delayed featherweight title fight between Pat Curran and Daniel Straus will be joining the main card as well.

MMAJunkie passes along Bjorn Rebney’s statement on what is quickly becoming one of the most stacked cards of the year. Yup, I just wrote that:

Pat Curran’s one of the best mixed martial artists we have in the game today. Before breaking his hand, Straus was a fixture in the top 10 rankings with a huge amount of talent. Curran vs. Straus is a fight I’ve wanted to see since Daniel won the tournament a year ago last May. This should be an epic world title fight and our pay-per-view provides the perfect stage.

As Rebney stated, Straus was expected to face Curran a little over a year ago after capturing the season 6 featherweight tournament, but was replaced by season 7 tourney winner Shahbulat Shamhalaev following a broken hand he suffered in training. Curran would go on to defeat the Russian replacement at Bellator 95 via first round guillotine choke.

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Michael Chandler vs. Dave Jansen Lightweight Title Fight Officially Booked for Bellator 96 in June


(“Don’t worry, Mo, we’re pretty sure your belt just got lost in the mail.”)

On the heels of his first successful title defense over Rick Hawn at Bellator 85, Bellator lightweight champion Michael Chandler has officially been booked to take on his next challenger at Bellator 96, which goes down from the WinStar World Casino in Thackerville, Oklahoma on June 19th.

Chandler will face grappling savant Dave “The Fugitive” Jansen, a 19-2 (6-0 Bellator) product out of Oregon who earned his shot at Chandler with a unanimous decision victory over Marcin Held at Bellator 93 in March.

Undefeated in his mixed martial arts career, Chandler has won eight straight fights under the Bellator banner, including victories over Akihiro Gono, Patricky Freire, and a 4th round submission over Eddie Alvarez in an absolute war back in November of 2011 that secured him the title.

Also set for the June 19th card will be a clash between former Strikeforce light heavyweight champion Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal and UFC/EliteXC veteran Seth Petruzelli that will in no way draw comparisons to Petruzelli’s infamous knockout of Kimbo Slice, we assure you (ROCKY! ROCKY IS HERE!! THE MOST INCREDIBLE…VICTORY…IN THE HISTORY OF MIXED MARTIAL ARTS!).

And barring any arrests, War Machine will be there too. Should be fun.

-J. Jones

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Kickers, Rejoice! Melvin Manhoef vs. Mirko Cro Cop in the Works for Road FC 12


(Oh yeah, they’ll be a lot of this sort of thing.) 

We don’t want to jump the gun here, Nation, but according to ROAD FC CEO Moon Jung Hong, the promotion is “very close” to booking an MMA match between Mirko Cro Cop and Melvin Manhoef at Road FC 12.

I do not want to reveal too much, but the next card will eclipse the Road FC 11 card. We are very close to getting Melvin Manhoef vs Mirko Cro Cop done for the next event.

If that statement does not make your heart skip a beat, then you are dead inside.

Sure, many of you will look at this as one of those “__ Years Too Late” fights, but we all said the same thing about Wanderlei Silva vs. Chuck Liddell, and how amazing was that fight? Despite the fact that he’s coming off a loss to Brock Larson at One FC 8, Manhoef has actually reeled off three wins in his past four contests and has proven that he can still kick with the best of them (and oft through them). As for the size difference? I refer you to this.

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Who Saw This Coming? Mike Kyle Unretires for Blockbuster Fight With…Valentijn Overeem


(Yeah, we’d miss this kind of thing too. Photo via Getty Images.)  

Alright, this is getting ri-goddamn-diculous.

Less than a fortnight ago, we dropped the official ban hammer on fighters announcing their retirement from the sport, then immediately unretiring. Aside from the fact that most of these so-called “retirements” last less time than the average hangover, the fighters who usually pull this bait-and-switch tend to look anything but “revitalized” or “renewed” upon returning. In most cases, it is quite the opposite.

And the latest offender of our ban? Former Strikeforce light heavyweight and semi-rehabilitated former bastard Mike Kyle, who announced his retirement from the sport following a first round submission loss to Gegard Mousasi in January. As in January of this year. One would think it would take a mighty fine offer against a well known opponent to draw Kyle out of retirement so quickly. One would be wrong, as it was announced recently that Kyle will be squaring off against fellow Strikeforce vet Valentijn Overeem in a heavyweight contest in May. Details via MMAJunkie:

A heavyweight bout between former Strikeforce fighters Mike Kyle (19-9-1) and Valentijn Overeem (32-30) is set for Championship Fighting Alliance’s 11th event, which is slated for May 24 at BankUnited Center in Coral Gables, Fla. 

We haven’t been this excited for a scrap between two aging lower-tier fighters since the Shamrock/Freeman superfight was announced. Any naysayers out there?

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With Her Original Opponent Injured, Cris Cyborg to Smash Fiona Muxlow at Invicta FC 5


(“Oh hey, didn’t see you there. When my doctor first informed me that I would be getting murdered by Cris Cyborg this April, I had lots of questions; Is there anything I can do to prevent getting murdered? Would bringing a friend to the fight help my chances? Why me, God, WHYYYY?!“) 

It has recently been announced that Cris Cyborg’s originally scheduled opponent for her Invicta FC debut on April 5th, Ediane Gomes, has been forced to withdraw from their Invicta FC 5 bout with a rib injury. It’s a real shame, because as someone who used to beat up dudes on the Brazilian underground fight circuit (Fallon Fox’s doppelganger, if you will.*fires invisible pistols*), Gomes was being given more than a snowball’s chance in Hell against Cyborg, a privilege few of her opponents have been able to enjoy.

But now, stepping in on short notice against the former Strikeforce women’s featherweight champ will be Fiona Muxlow, a 6-2 grappling specialist out of Queensland, Australia. Originally scheduled to face Julia Budd at the event (who is now awaiting a replacement opponent as of this write up), Muxlow has not competed since dropping a first round armbar to Marloes Coenen at DREAM 18 on New Year’s Eve last year, snapping a three fight win streak in the process.

Although Muxlow is coming off a loss — one she was utterly dominated in at that — and lacks any notable victories, one should look beyond the numbers to see what this woman is truly capable of. For starters, she began her MMA career by submitting three straight opponents in a one night tournament, so we know she’s a finisher and has cardio for days to boot. Secondly, Muxlow has a poker face that will burn a hole right through your soul. That HAS to count for something in this topsy-turvy world, dammit.

Now that Invicta will be implementing “random” drug tests in the near future, does anyone give Muxlow a decent chance against Cyborg, or should we just start prepping the hospital bed?

-J. Jones

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Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal Gets an Opponent for Bellator Debut and It’s Some Guy


(Yeah, we’re not really stoked for this one either, Mo.)

Not too long ago, Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal signed a — I guess you’d call it groundbreaking — deal with both Bellator and TNA Wrestling after being released from Strikeforce following a positive test for steroids and an epic Twitter meltdown, a decision he is probably patting himself on the back for in light of recent events. Ever since, we have been quietly waiting to see which one of Bellator’s remaining light heavyweights Mo would square off against first, whether it was…what’s his face, or, uhh…*snaps fingers*…uh…God, I know this…

…Turns out, Bellator is going the Josh Barnett route for King Mo’s big debut, bringing in a complete outsider named *checks glasses* Przemyslaw Mysiala to conveniently get squashed just before confetti falls from the ceiling and Mo is declared the next challenger to whomever emerges victorious from the Christian M’Pumbu/Attila Veigh fight. And you better believe that some form of energy drink will be used to hose bitches down at some point in this ceremony, because it sooo will.

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K.J. Noons vs. Ryan Couture, Roger Gracie vs. Anthony Smith Added to Strikeforce’s Coda


(Jeez, I haven’t seen such poor fight choreography since Sonny Corleone went to town on that punk Carlo for beating on his kid sister.) 

If our past few posts are any indication, it doesn’t really matter what the subject of this article is, because you Taters will inevitably turn the comment section into a discussion on a feller who goes by dipsetkilla, whether he fucked your mom or not, and how gay you would be based on whether he fucked your mom or not. Personally, I think we should have dipset and bootystar (remember him?) engage in a winner-takes-all battle of incoherent superiority. Then again, dipset is probably hitching up his trousers and throwing a five dollar bill on my mother’s nightstand as we speak, so clearly I have a dog in this fight. Maybe I just miss bootystar and such whimsical gems as: “I bet the gladiator got asked cuz he was caught starring at the pork barrel sausage in the littereen next to his bald headed one yed jack of pades” but I digress.

Aaannnyyway…a pair of bouts have been added to Strikeforce’s stacked (LOL!) final card that will feature Luke Rockhold vs. Mr. Glass, Daniel Cormier vs. some dude, Josh Barnett vs. Imhotep, and Whoshisface vs. Whatshisname. We don’t mean to over-hype these fights, but needless to say, they will forever change your definition of the word “Superfight.”

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Tyrone Spong’s MMA Debut Set, Will Face James McSweeney on Nov. 3rd


(“And that was the first time I went full stanky leg.”) 

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Newton’s third law of motion seems to apply to the world of kickboxing this week, as just a few days after it was announced that Swedish kickboxing legend Jorgen Kruth would be departing from the world of MMA, it has been reported that Dutch kickboxing powerhouse Tyrone Spong will be making the transition to it. Spong, who’s has hinted at a move to MMA for some time now, is best known for his battles with such legends of the sport as Peter Aerts, Ray Sefo, and Melvin Manhoef, and currently holds a 68-6-1 with 1 NC record to his credit.

While it was rumored that Spong would be making his debut under the Titan Fighting Championships banner, it appears that the heavyweight slugger will be debuting under upstart promotion World Series of Fighting, alongside UFC rape joke-castaway Miguel Torres and many more.

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