(Props: IronForgesIron.com)

Fedor Emelianenko‘s hard work at the playground has paid off once again. Earlier today at an M-1 Global event in St. Petersberg, Russia, Fedor met Pedro Rizzo in his possible retirement fight, and knocked him out in the first round. “The Last Emperor” looked focused and light on his feet, and the stoppage — which came less than a minute-and-a-half into the fight — was classic Fedor. Watch as Emelianenko lands a crushing overhand right that topples Rizzo, then bounces the Rock’s head off the mat with some savage ground-and-pound.

Notable fight-fan Vladmir Putin was sitting ringside, and even more impressive was the appearance of Fedor’s brother Aleksander Emelianenko in his corner, so I guess those two knuckleheads have patched up their differences, which is nice to see. Without family, what do we really have, y’know?

To see fight videos from the undercard, go here.

All praises be to the UG and Fightlinker for unearthing this bit of classic footage, which features none other than co-host of MMA Inside the Cage, Casey Oxendine (a.k.a. Tiki Ghosn’s evil twin brother a.k.a. the most despised man of the CP comments section) one-punch KO’ing a cornerman named Korey Hayes (a.k.a the coach of the Knoxville-based MMA team Cage Killers). The twist here is that Oxendine was not one of the men participating in the fight, but rather the man that was supposed to be keeping order. Given his popularity amongst you Taters, we figured we had to show you this on the off chance that you had yet to see it.

Though neither man has ever truly come forward with what exactly caused the confrontation in the first place, here’s a snippet of what Oxendine posted on the UG back when the incident occurred, detailing the consequences of his actions:

As the referee in this bout, there was alot of controversy as to whether I was justified in striking Mr Hayes during this incident. I wrote an extensive paragraph, stating that it was unlike me to strike another person outside of a combat sports setting. However, I felt as though I was in a dangerous situation and that he would have struck me if I hadn’t acted.

The event would evolve into the centerpiece of the issues concerning the legalization of the sport in [Tennessee]. When I attended the meeting that saw the state athletic commission finally pass sanctioning of amateur MMA, the incident was brought up. They wanted to make sure that if sanctioning were put in place, this sort of thing would not happend again. Everyone involved expressed openly that the incident cast a dark shadow on the sport, and felt we should move forward for the benefit of the sport.

Last night I attended an event at the National Guard Armory of New Tazwell, promoted Warrior Fighting Challenge. Only moments before my arrival, I was informed that ISKA had pulled their sanctioning, due to lack of insurance and security. The promoter insured me that the event would be run by “Sport Jiu-Jitsu” rules. Having attended the meetings of the State Athletic Commission, I was fully aware that all MMA event HAD TO BE SANCTIONED by one of three sanctioning bodies (ISKA, ISCF, and WKA). Realizing my fighters and cornermen could face later repercussions, I pulled them from the event. I arrived at the venue a few minutes later to collect my fighters. I passed the ticket counter and turned to walk down the hallway with Teammate Erick Jordan and my girlfrend. At this point, I noticed Korey Hayes out of the corner of my eye. Considering the nature of our last meeting and in the best interest of the event, I made it a point to avoid all contact. I did not make eye contact and I did not make any move toward Mr. Hayes whatsoever. However, as I turned my back and made my way toward the lockerooms, Mr Hayes struck me with a looping right punch from behind that shoved me into my girlfriend.

More from this story, including an alternate angle of the knockout, await you after the jump.

In advance of this weekend’s UFC 146 headlining match between Junior Dos Santos and Frank Mir, FuelTV has released video of JDS’s Octagon debut at UFC 90 in October 2008. At the time, Dos Santos was 6-1 prospect, completely unknown outside of Brazil, facing a seasoned grappling expert and PRIDE/UFC vet whose list of victims included Alistair Overeem, Alexander Emelianenko, Gabriel Gonzaga (twice) and Brandon Vera, all of whom Werdum beat by stoppage. We gave Junior zero chance to win — and he shocked us all with a earth-shaking uppercut that permanently altered the power-balance in the UFC’s heavyweight division.

Following the fight, the UFC cut Werdum after he refused to re-sign for less money, and JDS went on the greatest contender run in UFC history, culminating in a 64-second knockout of champion Cain Velasquez. Watch the video above to see how it all started, two and a half years ago.

(Super-props: IronForgesIron/420FreindlyMMAFan)

Thanks to everybody who supported our friend and contributor Elias Cepeda in his official MMA debut last night! The Filet-O-Fish Assassin™ stepped into the cage against Glenn Evans at last night’s United Combat League show in Merrionette Park, Illinois, and walked away with an impressive stoppage victory, which you can watch above.

Quick summary: Elias foregoes the glove tap like a gangster, lands first with a leg kick, then sprawls out on a takedown and puts Evans on his back. The fight is effectively over at this point; Cepeda eventually creates some distance and starts dropping bombs, then brilliantly scrambles to Evans’s back and finishes him with strikes from back mount. UFC veteran referee Rob Madrigal calls it at 2:02 of round 1.

Three cheers for Elias. Can anybody stop this man?

(Come on…hasn’t Mark Hunt suffered enough?)

Tomorrow night in San Jose, Josh Barnett will face the greatest challenge of his post-PRIDE career when he meets Daniel Cormier in the finals of Strikeforce’s World Heavyweight Grand Prix. (FYI, we’ll be liveblogging the Showtime main card starting at 10 p.m. ET, so don’t make any big plans.) Barnett’s comfort-level in the cage and catch-wrestling expertise have led him on a four-year winning streak, and one more victory could earn him an improbable return to the UFC. In honor of this pivotal moment for the Warmaster, we decided to round up his five greatest submissions. Enjoy, and shoot us your predictions for Barnett vs. Cormier in the comments section…

(Josh Barnett vs. Semmy Schilt; UFC 32, 6/29/01)

Barnett’s first submission in the Octagon came against gigantic kickboxer Semmy Schilt, who had made his UFC debut the previous month by smashing Pete Williams. Wisely, Barnett avoids the standup game entirely, immediately taking the Dutchman to the mat. Schilt is absolutely helpless underneath the Babyface Assassin, and eventually gives up mount. Barnett waits for the right moment then attacks Schilt’s arm, giving up position in the process. It doesn’t matter — Barnett sinks the armbar at the 4:21 mark of the first round and establishes himself as a fearsome heavyweight grappler.

(Thompson vs. Lashley. Come for the nut shots, stay for Phil Baroni’s childlike enthusiasm behind the mic. All praises be to IronForgesIron for the vids.)

You know, maybe it’s due to the fact that our expectations were so low, but other than a few hiccups along the way (one of which involved the most ridiculously over-the-top celebrations you will ever see), Super Fight League’s third event was actually a mildly entertaining affair. Who would’ve thought such a thing would be possible without the graceful presence of Bob Sapp? Although SFL’s production team still needs to get their shit together and stop cutting to random angles from halfway across the stadium, SFL 3 featured more than a fair share of exciting finishes, topped off by an at times groggy but overall solid main event clash between Bobby Lashley and James Thompson.

But before we get to the main event, lets talk about the very first fight of the night: a middleweight throwdown between Dream and Bellator veteran Zelg Galesic and former WEC light heavyweight champion Doug “The Rhino” Marshall, whose mere appearance on the card was enough to bring this “writer” back to the days of yore. Unfortunately for Marshall, the trip down memory lane was cut short by a beautiful flying knee that turned his lights off just 34 seconds into the fight. Nostalgia is a bitch, ain’t it?

That video, along with a video of the most insane post fight celebration in MMA history and more, awaits you after the jump.

Battle Of The Ages – Watch More Funny Videos
(Props: Wargo205 via ProMMANow)

It doesn’t matter how fancy things get at the top of the sport — MMA’s regional scene is still a chaotic mess where literally anything can happen. Case in point: At Fire Extreme Fighting’s show at the Kankakee Fair Grounds in Illinois on Saturday night, a 53-year-old spectator named Tim was asked if he’d come in as a replacement for a fighter who had dropped out at the last minute. Being in fair shape for his age, and open to new experiences, Tim agreed, and found himself staring down a 21-year-old opponent just an hour later.

You can check out the video above. When the dust settles on this one-round slobberknocker, Tim has won by TKO and we find out that the enthusiastic camera-person is none other than Stephan Bonnar. “You’re my hero! That was awesome!” Bonnar tells Tim, who’s a little too winded to walk us through the replay.

As for the 21-year-old who was left unconscious in a planked position? Details on him are scarce, but it’s very likely he didn’t get laid that night.

(Damn. Even Tank Abbott is embarrassed by that garbage.)

You may recall Robert Burneika, the Lithuanian strongman who had been preparing for his MMA debut mostly by high-kicking watermelons. Becoming the next Mariusz Pudzianowski is a questionable goal to shoot for, but Burneika took the first step Friday night at MMA ATTACK 2 in Katowice, Poland, by scoring a second-round stoppage over Polish tomato can Marcin Najman, who also happened to be Pudz’s first MMA victim. We kept our expectations low for this matchup, and the fight still fell short, for two main reasons:

- The way Burneika lunges forward with those front kicks suggests that he may not have had a legit Muay Thai coach in his camp.

- Najman spent the entire fight running in circles to avoid engaging, which gave the match an unfortunate Kimbo/Houston vibe. In five-and-a-half minutes of fight time, Najman threw less than ten strikes. I think it’s safe to say that he respected Burneika’s power a little too much.

If you want to get a look at the future of Polish freak-show fighting, check out the full video after the jump. 3:57-4:11 is pure slapstick.

(Who the hell just asked me if I want to be a f*cking fighter?!) 

Talk about a great way to start of your day. Confirmed by none other than “Lightning” himself via his Twitter, it appears that Hector Lombard has officially signed with the UFC. After being offered a contract a little over a week ago, Lombard gave the Bellator brass a chance to match the UFC’s bid. But Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney must have come to the same realization that nearly every sappy rom-com protagonist has; if you love something, let it go. Here’s what he told MMAFighting, who first broke the news:

We have a business model where we make decisions based on analyzing data. Since the first day we came into being, we made decisions based on real models, not hypotheticals. The UFC model is largely based on pay-per-view, and the offer they made to Hector is going to be monetized via pay-per-view. While pay-per-view could play a role in our future, today it doesn’t. So, we did our due diligence to review the UFC contract, analyzed it in terms of charging our audience to see Hector vs. putting him on free TV, and we decided to allow the UFC to sign Hector, where I am extremely confident he will win the UFC middleweight title on pay-per-view.

Currently 31-2-1 in MMA competition, Lombard finds himself on a ridiculous 25-fight unbeaten streak, including victories over TUF 7′s Jesse Taylor, UFC veterans Brian Ebersole and Joe Doerksen, and arch-nemesis Alexander Shlemenko, who, barring a sudden signing with the UFC, will not be receiving his well-earned rematch with Lombard anytime soon. Lombard has not lost a fight since 2006, where he dropped a unanimous decision to Gegard Mousasi at Pride Bushido 13.

So I ask unto you, Potato Nation, who should Lombard face in his octagon debut? And how will he cope with fighting in a ring smaller than your average soccer arena?

Join us after the jump as we bid adieu to Hector’s Bellator run with a look back at his greatest hits. 

(McCorkle vs. Heden round 1; round 2 is after the jump. Props: PVTHansen16)

Notably stacked for a regional card, Worldwide Mixed Martial Arts‘ debut event went down Saturday night in El Paso, Texas, and was highlighted by an upset in the main event and a handful of UFC vets smashing their way into the win column.

At this point, when Sean McCorkle gets booked against a smaller, doughier opponent with a journeyman’s record, we just assume that “Big Sexy” will bully his way to a first-round stoppage without much difficulty. But WMMA 1′s super-heavyweight main event didn’t go down like that. Though McCorkle (who tipped the scales at 312 pounds) came very close to finishing the 287-pound Brian Heden near the end of the first round, he blew his cardio wad in the process. With McCorkle barely able to lift his arms in round two, Heden was able to reverse a takedown, trap McCorkle’s left arm, and slug his way to a TKO victory. According to Danga, the announcer referred to the win as “the upset of the century.” (Somewhere, Gus Johnson is masturbating.) In a follow-up post on the UG, McCorkle lamented the cardio problems that have plagued his entire athletic career, credited Heden for showing up in “decent shape”* and vowed to retire if his cardio ever contributed to another loss.

In the co-main event, Karo Parisyan snapped a three-fight losing streak when he scored a unanimous decision over veteran Thomas Denny. Even more impressive, Drew Fickett snapped a four-fight losing streak when he choked out WEC/Bellator vet Kevin Knabjian, despite reports that Fickett was pretty well sauced throughout fight week. (Obviously, it could have been worse.)

(“I see no problem with this.” — Rousimar Palhares)

Perhaps in an ill-advised tribute to Kid Yamamoto, bantamweight veteran Seiya Kawahara went full you-know-what at Pancrase Progress Tour 3 on March 11th, utterly destroying Yuta Numakura with punches and soccer kicks in the first round, then continuing his attack when the referee — then several cornermen — attempted to restrain him. Nightmare of Battle explains what happened next:

No fight money, dropped off the Pancrase rankings, fight overturned to a no contest, and can’t compete in Pancrase pro or amateur events for 50 days. After losing the title fight with Manabu Inoue last year he has had trouble with injuries and this was his first fight in 10 months so I believe he got a little overexcited. His management said that this won’t happen again.

Yikes. I’d hate to see how Kawahara would act on a blind date after a long dry-spell. Check out the carnage after the jump…

(Props: TheMMAClinic)

Sheila “The German Tank” Gaff scored her third-straight knockout victory on Friday night, when she dummied up Chute Boxe product Jennifer Maia in just 10 seconds at Cage Warriors Fighting Championship 4 in Dubai. Gaff’s strategy relied on the element of surprise; instead of returning Maia’s offer for a glove-tap at the beginning of the fight, Gaff swung an overhand right with lethal intentions, then fired punches and knees until she found Maia’s off-switch with a short right hook.

Not the worst cheap-shot we’ve seen, but it’s definitely in the mix. Gaff doesn’t seem to be a big fan of the glove-tap in general. For proof, check out her eight-second knockout of Hanna Sillen from last February after the jump, which begins and ends just as furiously…

(Anyone got some chalk?) 

We’ve been watching people get knocked out for a long time, Potato Nation. So long, in fact, that it’s gotten to the point where we’ve begun to categorize these knockouts according to the manner in which a fighter’s lifeless body crumbles to the canvas. Is it insensitive, wrong, and perhaps a little too dark? Sure, but if you were worried about sensitivity and other womanly issues, you probably wouldn’t be here. And that’s why we love you as much as two heterosexual sadists can possibly love one another.

But be warned, the knockout that occurred last weekend at Stichting MMA Nederland, in a fight between Wiebe Brouwer and Nick Gorissen, is perhaps the oddest physical reaction to a knockout that we have ever seen, combining the falling tree knockout with Stefan Struve’s Matrix-esque routine against Travis Browne at UFC 130. It will forever change your outlook on the game (?) of limbo, and may cause simultaneous bouts of hysterical laughter and horrified nausea. It did for the CP interns we forced to watch it on a 24 hour loop, anyway.

Join us after the jump if you dare.

(Incredible falling tree knockout of the day, via Reddit MMA)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…

- UFC on FX 2 Open Media Workout Photos Gallery for ‘Alves vs. Kampmann’ in Australia (MMA Mania)

- Manager: Frankie Edgar Wants Ben Henderson Rematch, Not A Move To Featherweight (MMA Convert)

- Georges St-Pierre Gets Schooled in Japanese Martial Arts (The Fight Nerd)

- Forgotten Champion: Tim Sylvia’s Desperate Ploy to Get Back in the UFC Octagon (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- King Mo Back In The Hospital In Severe Condition (FightLine)

- Dan Henderson Has Harsh Words for Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson (5th Round)

- Todd Duffee vs. Neil Grove Booked for Super Fight League 2 (MiddleEasy)

- UFC Japan: A Wonderful Show & A Pyrrhic Victory? (Fight Opinion)

- Pat Healy: The Road to Columbus (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Miesha Tate vs. Ronda Rousey: Greatest Hits (Lowkick.Blitzcorner.com)

- UFC 144: Payout Perspective (MMA Payout)

(Props: TheQuebecMMA via MiddleEasy)

This video comes to us from Empire Fight League 4 in Montreal on Saturday, in which a back-and-forth amateur scrap between Jeremie Capony and Dan Lariviere ended suddenly — and ridiculously — in the second round. Watch as Lariviere attempts the kind of flying switch-kick that would have made him a viral Internet superstar if it connected. Oh, if only. Capony sees it coming and slides out of the way, leaving Lariviere to drop to the mat and land on his arm and shoulder, which somehow knocks him out. Either that, or chi knockouts are real, and this is the no-touch-KO equivalent of Fedor vs. Arlovski.

Well, there’s one way to deal with cauliflower ear. Today’s video comes to us courtesy of Fight Lab 20: MMA Cage Fights @ Coyote Joe’s in Charlotte, North Carolina. Making his professional debut, Kenneth Crowder took on 1-1 Shane Tyner in a bantamweight contest that provided more than its fair share of highlights, but we’re going to focus on one in particular. After completing a takedown midway through the second round, Crowder unleashed an elbow that shall forever be known as “The Nastiest Elbow Ever Thrown By Anyone Ever.” Trust us on this one.

(Props: Bracegear via MiddleEasy)

Can you believe that we didn’t include a single women’s match in our tribute to falling tree knockouts? Well, it’s time to give the ladies their due. Here’s a video of Rhiannon Thompson starching Bec Hyatt with a head-kick at a Brace for War event that’s so brutal (and beautiful), it’s like Hornbuckle vs. Gono and Young vs. Tate met and had a baby.

(Luke Rockhold vs. Keith Jardine full fight video via mmanewsdog)

In case you missed the show on Saturday night, take a look at the main card’s three knockouts. More after the jump…

Related:
- ‘Strikeforce: Rockhold vs. Jardine’ — Live Results + Commentary
- ‘Strikeforce: Rockhold vs. Jardine’ Aftermath: Going through the Motions, as Usual

(Will Lesnar vs. Overeem bash out a place on the list, or will it inevitably fall short of the hype?)

Between Junior Dos Santos’s knee injury, Strikeforce phasing out their heavyweight division in 2012, and the general lack of UFC heavyweight fights lately (just three in their last five events, to be exact), it seems like MMA’s big-man scene is in hibernation mode.

But starting with Friday night’s UFC 141 main event of Brock Lesnar vs. Alistair Overeem — promoted as the “biggest” fight of the year — and continuing on to Josh Barnett vs. Daniel Cormier in March, the action among 265′ers is about to start heating up. With that mind, we decided to pay tribute to the greatest and most important heavyweight MMA fights from this past year. Enjoy, and let us know if we left out any of your favorites…

#6. DANIEL CORMIER vs. ANTONIO SILVA
Strikeforce World Grand Prix: Barnett vs. Kharitonov, 9/10/11

What happened: The smaller man fought like a giant. Cormier landed his punches at will and easily shrugged off Silva’s attempts to take the fight to the ground. Entering the tournament as an alternate, Cormier punched his ticket to the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix finals with a hook/uppercut combo that stiffened the Brazilian Frankenstein.
What we learned: Undersized doesn’t always mean outgunned — and a big chin doesn’t always mean a strong chin.

(“Look kid, I’m gonna find the man who did this to you. And when I do, so help me God, I’m gonna dock him one point for shorts-grabbing.” / Photo of Stout vs. Edwards aftermath via ESPN)

With a little help from the Potato Nation, we spent the last couple days gathering videos of the nastiest, ugliest, most-painful looking knockouts and submissions from this year. Finding 25 of them was the easy part. (Damn, MMA fighters. You seemed especially angry this year. Problems at home?) Putting them in order was a little more challenging.

Obviously, Frank Mir snapping Nogueira’s arm at UFC 140 was the people’s choice for #1. But how do you rank a head-kick knockout against a spinning-backfist knockout, when they both leave their victims zombie’d on the mat with their eyes open and their arms in the air?

So here’s what we’ll do. Instead of arranging these brutal stoppages in some arbitrary order, we’ll arrange them in groups. Use the links below to navigate through the sections, and take a moment to appreciate the human devastation that our great sport has caused in the last 12 months. And all this without a single death! Enjoy…

(Ben Goldstein)

- Page 1: The Perfect One-Shot (Or Two-Shot) Knockouts
- Page 2: The Savage Striking Onslaughts
- Page 3: The Gruesome Submissions
- Page 4: Fancy Kicks and Other Insanity

(Props, as always, go to our buddies over at IronForgesIron.) 

There are two kinds of fighters in this world; those who take their sweet time in between fights, either to mend their wounds or simply because everyone is afraid to fight them, and then there are those like Alexander Shlemenko, who, after handling Vitor Vianna just a month ago at Bellator Fighting Championships 57 and earning a rematch with Bellator middleweight champion Hector Lombard, decided not to wait around for our puny brained American system to determine a rematch date. Instead, Alex risked life and limb to take on UFC vet Julio Paulino last night in Mother Russia under possibly the longest named promotion of all time, Far Eastern Federation of Modern Pankration, the result of which we can only spoil if you join us after the jump…

(Props: 1tSurge)

Jefferey “Karmaatemycat” Watts continues to let his haters be his motivators. The CagePotato Fight Team captain and fundraising superstar increased his amateur record to 4-1 on Saturday night in a featherweight bout at Raging Wolf XII in Irving, New York.

Jeff’s opponent Josh Lange entered the fight with a 6-0 ammy record, but had no answer to the riddle of Karma. After doing a Jon Jones impression for the first minute, Jeff stands and fires some leg kicks. Lange shoots and takes Karma down (BIG MISTAKE) but can’t do much with the position. Jeff calmly starts working his guard, and before long, he sinks a triangle choke. Sorry, judges.

It was an especially meaningful win for Karma, who spent the last month suffering through a fight cancellation and a knee injury, and was fighting in front of his friends and family for the first time. When Jeff finally goes pro and starts kicking asses in major organizations, remember where you saw him first.

After the jump: Video of Karma’s entrance. How many CagePotato t-shirts can you count?

It was the only stoppage from last night’s Strikeforce: Melendez vs. Masvidal card, and it was a nasty one. With no 145-pound contenders in sight, Cris Cyborg plans to shed some muscle and dominate at bantamweight in the future.

(Props: oneness2004. Fight begins at the 2:40 mark.)

On Friday night, undefeated MMA fighter and CagePotato film critic Nick Newell increased his pro record to 6-0, picking up yet another first-round stoppage at XFC 15 in Tampa, Florida. Nick was the aggressor early, slugging opponent Denis Hernandez to the fence and taking him down with relative ease. From there, he softened up Hernandez with ground-and-pound before dropping back into a heel-hook. It’s as surprising as it is painful, and Hernandez is forced to tap. Newell’s attempt at an off-the-cage victory somersault is somewhat less successful, but overall, it’s a great showing from our homeboy. Congrats, Nick.

After the jump: Full results from XFC 15, plus another sick submission from the Ryan Thomas vs. John Kolosci bout.

(Props, as always, to ZombieProphet over at IronForgesIron.) 

UFC on Fox wasn’t the only event this past weekend to feature a couple quick finishers *snicker* doing what they do best. In fact, an undercard fight from Saturday’s Bellator 57 card was over so fast that it made Dos Santos/Velasquez look like Severn/Shamrock 2.

With 7 of his 8 wins coming within the first round (and 5 of those 7 coming within the first 2 minutes!), Josh Shockley was looking to employ an atypical “jab & jog” type strategy against Eric Moon, but “The Monster” would not be having any of that shit, thank you very much. Moon waited approximately 25 seconds before bull rushing into his first takedown attempt like a drunken frat boy chasing a frisbee that is clearly out of his reach. The problem with such an obviously telegraphed double-leg however, is that it gives someone with even below-average reflexes the time to grab that neck, stuff you in a wooden chest, and have a cocktail party around your rotting corpse.

As soon as Shockley locks in a standing guillotine, Moon quits faster than Kim Kardashian (sorry folks, been holding that one in for a while), giving Shockley the victory in just 35 seconds and nearly erasing the memory of his BFC 36 loss to Toby Imada. Even more impressive is the fact that this was not even Shockley’s quickest victory, which was a 15 second TKO via slam back in 2008.

Join us after the jump for the controversial Sledzion/Solomon fight, and the Van Buren and Bezzera submissions:

(Ah, 2007. A very fine year for gogoplatas. / Photo via Sherdog)

By Ben Goldstein

Over the last two decades, MMA has evolved so consistently that fighters are still finding new and unexpected ways to destroy their opponents — while causing fans to spit their beers in shock. We decided to take a lil’ spin through MMA history and identify the single most awe-inspiring technique from each year since the sport’s modern inception. We expect you to disagree with us; there’s a comments section just for that purpose. And away we go…

1993: Royce Gracie’s Rear-Naked Choke
vs. Ken Shamrock @ UFC 1, 11/12/93

(Fight starts at the 3:54 mark)

You have to remember that in the early ’90s, a well-placed roundhouse kick to the head was considered the pinnacle of martial arts. What Royce Gracie introduced to fight fans in his early UFC run was something much more practical, less flashy, and a little bit scary. Gracie’s submission of Ken Shamrock — and the similar hold he used to stop Gerard Gordeau in the finals — proved that skill beat size, and pajamas beat man-panties.

1994: Dan Severn’s Suplexes
vs. Anthony Macias @ UFC 4, 12/16/94

(Props: rachelmm3096)

Friday night’s Prestige FC 3 event in Fort McMurray, Alberta, Canada, was headlined by portly slugger Eric “Butterbean” Esch (14-10-1) against Sandy Bowman (3-0), a 40-year-old local fighter who Sherdog identifies as a former lightweight who swelled up to 223 pounds for the opportunity. Esch held a 150-pound weight advantage in the cage, but it wouldn’t be of any help that night.

Ten seconds after the bell, Bowman lands a head-kick that topples ‘Bean like a defective Weeble. After some elbows from Bowman from the top, Esch realizes that he ain’t getting up without assistance, and taps due to strikes at 0:54 of round 1.

If you watch MMA long enough, every fight, knockout, and submission begins to look familiar — which makes these classic bouts that much more special.

Wanderlei Silva Wins Via Choke
vs. Bob Schrijber @ Pride Grand Prix 2000 Opening Round, 1/30/00

Though he has two other submission victories on his record due to strikes, Wanderlei Silva has only ended one fight in his 15-year career with a legit, bonafide submission hold. It went down during his third PRIDE appearance against renowned kickboxer Bob Schrijber, in a reserve bout for the 2000 PRIDE GP. After some standup brawling, Wandy secures a takedown, immediately lands in mount, and slugs “Dirty Bob” until the Dutchman is forced to roll. From there, Silva sets up a rear-naked choke — you can tell that grappling’s not really his strong-suit — and eventually gets the tap.

Tito Ortiz Fights Outside of the UFC
vs. Jeremy Screeton @ West Coast NHB Championships 1, 12/8/98

After going 1-1 in his Octagon debut at UFC 13, Tito Ortiz took a tune-up fight at an NHB tournament in Los Angeles. The result was a fast, gnarly, PRIDE-style victory for the future superstar. Screeton shoots in on Ortiz, but the Huntington Beach Bad Boy uses his own formidable wrestling skills to reverse his opponent onto the mat. Two brutal knees to the head later, and Screeton was tapping out the morse code to “get me the fuck out of here.” Ortiz was invited back to the UFC the following month, and has never left. Seriously, we can’t get rid of this guy.

("Look, Brandon, I’m sorry. If you take your hand away, I promise I won’t slap you in the face again." / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting)

UPDATE: A clip of Silva playing Vera like a bongo has been added to the end of this post…check it out while it lasts.

The third round of Thiago Silva vs. Brandon Vera at UFC 125 represented one of the most humiliating beat-downs in recent MMA history, as Silva seemingly got tired of punching Vera about midway through the round and just started slapping him in the face until the fight was over. With Vera’s job likely on the line that night, it was the worst possible final impression to leave with his bosses — as if that mangled schnozz wasn’t enough.

After the fight, top light-heavyweight contender Jon Jones fired up Twitter and posted the following: "Wow that slapping was so disrespectful.. id love to give him a slap in the face…Dominating someone in a fight is 1 thing, looking to simply humiliate them is another..Traditional martial artist always seemed to show honor and respect.. Anyways what’s done is done, I’m headed to the gym to make sure nothing like that ever happens to me."

We say: Eff the haters, Thiago. You’ve just joined a very select group of MMA fighters who have demonstrated their dominance through slapping and spanking. The other members of the MMA Bitch-Slap Hall of Fame are after the jump…

(Rousimar Palhares vs. Helio Dipp, 3/10/07. Dipp passes out at 2:06. Palhares lets go at 2:10. Despite the peppy soundtrack, nobody appears to be very happy about it.)

If you’re a UFC fighter who competes every four months, a 90-day suspension is a fairly empty gesture. Still, we have to give some props to the New Jersey State Athletic Control Board for making it officially known that holding onto a submission after the referee has stopped the fight is, at the very least, frowned upon. So why did they decide to make an example out of Rousimar Palhares, following his heel hook of Tomasz Drwal at UFC 111? Turns out, holding onto subs well past the point of necessity is a bad habit for "Toquinho":