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Okay, The Pool Jump Is Officially Over

When I was a kid it was considered something of an accomplishment to have beaten “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!” on Nintendo.  Then one day the kid who probably should have been in special classes beat it and brought in a Polaroid of the final screen as proof.  Years later he would start a wildfire that destroyed several homes and we never saw him again, but that’s not the point.  The point is, the pool jump is now to the sporting world what beating “Punch Out!” was to my elementary school.  Not that Jake Rosholt isn’t a fantastic athlete – he obviously is – but he’s also a kind of goofy-looking white guy who manages to make even the backwards pool jump look somehow unimpressive.  I don’t know how he does it.

Like the first time your dad referred to something as “the bomb,” the Jake Rosholt Pool Jump is the undeniable sign that pool jumps are no longer cool.  Time to move on to some other essentially pointless display of athleticism.  How about jumping out of a pool, through a hoop of fire, and into a different pool, all without spilling your drink.  You can’t tell me that there’s not some NBA player out there who’s bored with the off-season and looking for a way to kill an afternoon.


Suddenly B.J. Penn’s Pool Jump Seems Less Impressive

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If you haven’t been paying attention to the internet lately, you might not be aware of the phenomenon known as the ‘pool jump.’  Basically a dude jumps out of three feet of water and on to the side of a pool in order to prove what a great athlete he is.  The whole thing started with Jarron Gilbert, who just got drafted by the Chicago Bears.  Not to be outdone, UFC lightweight champ B.J. Penn pulled off the same jump and helped to show that MMA fighters are every bit the athletes that NFL players are.  Score one for us, right?

But then along comes Washington Redskins wide receiver Keith Eloi who raises the bar by jumping out of the pool backwards.  Damn the NFL and their constant one-upsmanship.  We can’t let this go unavenged, MMA fighters.  Quick, somebody get Georges St. Pierre on the phone.  Tell him we need him to backflip out of a pool and land with both feet in a half-full glass of water.  The very future of our sport depends on it.