On paper, this Saturday’s TUF 17 Finale card is dominated by wide mismatches. But which fights will actually be blowouts, and which ones will end in profitable upsets? Check out the betting lines below (via bestfightodds.com) and let’s see if we can win some cash off this thing.

MAIN CARD (FX, 9 p.m. ET)
Urijah Faber (-435) vs. Scott Jorgensen (+375)
Uriah Hall (-309) vs. Kelvin Gastelum (+325)
Cat Zingano (-115) vs. Miesha Tate (+106)
Travis Browne (-250) vs. Gabriel Gonzaga (+240)
Robert McDaniel (-166) vs. Gilbert Smith (+155)

PRELIMINARY CARD (FUEL TV, 7 p.m. ET)
Josh Samman (-445) vs. Kevin Casey (+370)
Luke Barnatt (-124) vs. Collin Hart (+115)
Jimmy Quinlan (+100) vs. Dylan Andrews (+105)
Clint Hester (-160) vs. Bristol Marunde (+150)

PRELIMINARY CARD (Facebook, 5:30 p.m. ET)
Bart Palaszewski (-160) vs. Cole Miller (+155)
Daniel Pineda (-120) vs. Justin Lawrence (+109)
Maximo Blanco (-200) vs. Sam Sicilia (+195)

If you’re confused about what the numbers mean, read this. Otherwise, let’s proceed…

By Jared Jones

I appreciate honesty in writing. I am also a tremendous hypocrite, which is why I often resort to trickery, tomfoolery, and outright fabrications when discussing this thing we call MMA with you Taters. I’m less a blogger, more a magician — a line that I would never suggest you use to pick up women with — and more often than not I resort to a near constant influx of red herrings and other intentional misdirects to even make it through a post. But amidst all the deceit and double-crosses, I do actually manage to squeeze in a few instances of genuine honesty with you readers, more often than not in the Gambling Addiction Enabler pieces I contribute when Dan “Get Off Me” George doesn’t feel up to it.

So when I turned to the introductory page of Jason Rothman’s Betting on MMA to find the statements located directly below, I was pretty much assured that I’d be getting exactly what I wanted out of his look into the world of MMA gambling.

This book is about making money from betting on the sport of mixed martial arts. And that is the only thing this book is about.

If you do not know what a triangle choke is, then this book is not for you. 

And indeed, Rothman’s guide analyzing everything from money line odds to fighter attributes to the power of hype makes no attempt to wow you with its prose. The writing style, though sometimes cryptic and a bit repetitive, is simply a means to an end. That end is making you money, and although I have yet to put any of Rothman’s teachings into practice, I can assure you that Betting on MMA offers enough genuine insight and real-life examples to make it a must own for any MMA fan who fancies themselves a gambler.

(Don’t worry, we put more effort into this piece than the UFC marketing department did into that poster.) 

Rumor has it that on Saturday night, two certain somebodies may or may not partake in a certain fight that you may or may not be able to place a certain wager on, which may or may not be dependent on whether you think or don’t think you know a certain outcome of the fight itself, capiche? In either case, we are going to offer some advice that may or may not help you arrive at that determination. Check out what could hypothetically be the betting lines for UFC 145, courtesy of BestFightOdds, below, and follow us after the jump for what may or may not be our advice on where to place a certain bet that may or may not exist.

MAIN CARD
Jon Jones (-485) vs. Rashad Evans (+385)
Rory MacDonald (-600) vs. Che Mills (+450)
Ben Rothwell (+240) vs. Brendan Schaub (-280)
Mark Hominick (-600) vs. Eddie Yagin (+450)
Mark Bocek (-400) vs. John Alessio (+325)
Michael McDonald (even) vs. Miguel Torres (-120)

PRELIMINARY CARD
Travis Browne (-260) vs. Chad Griggs (+220)
Matt Brown (+250) vs. Stephen Thompson (-300)
John Makdessi (+175) vs. Anthony Njokuani (-210)
Mac Danzig (-210) vs. Efrain Escudero (+175)
Chris Clements (-200) vs. Keith Wisniewski (+170)
Maximo Blanco (-265) vs. Marcus Brimage (+225)

Thoughts…

(“Dun, dun, dun, dun, da-dun, dun, da-dun. Dah, dah, dah, dun, da-dun, dun, da-dun…“)

Props to MMAMania for directing us to the current betting lines for this Saturday‘s Strikeforce women’s featherweight title fight between Cristiane “Cris Cyborg” Santos and mysterious ex-dominatrix Hiroko Yamanaka. As of now, the champ is a -900 favorite, meaning that you’d have to bet $900 to collect a $100 profit if she wins. Yamanaka is a +550 underdog, meaning that a $100 bet would return a $550 profit if hell freezes over the challenger takes the belt.

Here’s why you might bet money on Yamanaka to score an upset: Cyborg hasn’t competed since June 2010; Yamanaka has gone 3-0 since then, with all wins by stoppage. Yamanaka might be able to keep Cyborg at bay with her height and range. Crazy shit happens in this sport all the time.

Here’s why you shouldn’t actually consider doing this: Literally every other reason you could possibly think of, including Cyborg’s unparalleled aggression, her history of consuming Japanese opponents, her home field advantage in the U.S., and most importantly, that it sucks to lose even small amounts of money in this economy.

If you have to bet on something this weekend, fill out this helpful questionnaire, then continue reading for a few wagering suggestions that are almost as risky, but not completely insane.

(Stock-trader vs. Wall Street protester — who ya got? Photo via MMA Mania)

Want to make some real money this weekend? Then come over to my place on Saturday afternoon and be prepared to clean some toilets. Want to make some hypothetical, for-entertainment-purposes-only money this weekend? Then check out the latest UFC 136 betting lines (via BestFightOdds) and read our gambling advice after the jump.

PPV Main Card
Frankie Edgar (-125) vs. Gray Maynard (+120)
Jose Aldo (-320) vs. Kenny Florian (+301)
Chael Sonnen (-255) vs. Brian Stann (+227)
Nam Phan (-210) vs. Leonard Garcia (+208)
Melvin Guillard (-312) vs. Joe Lauzon (+310)

Spike TV Prelims
Demian Maia (-275) vs. Jorge Santiago (+245)
Anthony Pettis (-277) vs. Jeremy Stephens (+250)

Facebook Prelims
Joey Beltran (+190) vs. Stipe Miocic (-210)
Tiequan Zhang (-120) vs. Darren Elkins (+115)
Aaron Simpson (-313) vs. Eric Schafer (+300)
Steve Cantwell (-135) vs. Mike Massenzio (+130)

We’ll begin…at the beginning:

Full betting lines for this Sunday’s UFC Live: Hardy vs. Lytle event have been released, which means it’s time to steal some money from your old lady’s purse and tell her you’re going for a walk. And if you follow our gambling advice very carefully, you’ll be able to return the cash before she notices and earn some extra cigarette-money in the process. (Ed. note: You’ll probably lose everything like usual. Are things ever going to change with you, Jim?) Check out the juiciest lines, via bestfightodds.com:

Main Card (Versus, 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT)
Chris Lytle (-107) vs. Dan Hardy (even)
Jim Miller (-145) vs. Ben Henderson (+145)
Charles Oliveira (-130) vs. Donald Cerrone (+130)
Amir Sadollah (-310) vs. Duane Ludwig (+273)

Preliminary Card (Facebook.com, 5:45 p.m. ET / 2:45 p.m. PT)
C.B. Dollaway (-250) vs. Jared Hamman (+222)
Joseph Benavidez (-231) vs. Eddie Wineland (+225)
Kyle Noke (-144) vs. Ed Herman (+145)
Karlos Vemola (-210) vs. Ronny Markes (+201)
Jimy Hettes (-350) vs. Alex Caceres (+313)
Cole Miller (-387) vs. T.J. O’Brien (+335)
Danny Castillo (-118) vs. Jacob Volkmann (+107)
Edwin Figueroa (-300) vs. Jason Reinhardt (+288)

Let’s get that money…