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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: MMA in the Wild

MMA in the Wild: Brutal Suburban Kangaroo Fight Goes the Distance

I like to think that these two kangaroos are actually neighbors who started fighting because one of them insists on mowing his lawn at 5:30 a.m. Maybe one of them is the same kangaroo who won that last kangaroo fight by rear-naked choke, and he’s tried his best to give up the street life and live as a normal taxpayer in the suburbs, but he still reverts into gangster mode whenever he’s insulted. Maybe last week, his neighbor commented on what a nice pouch his wife has, and was super gross about it. (“You think she has room for me in that pouch?”) And then this morning, the dude started mowing his lawn before the sun was up again, and it’s like, “HEY ASSHOLE, DO YOU REALIZE THAT I MANAGE A BAR, AND I DON’T EVEN GET HOME UNTIL AFTER 2 A.M.?” And then they started fighting. Five years ago, bar-manager kangaroo would have destroyed this guy. But now he’s got the thing with his knees and he hasn’t been in the gym. Getting old sucks.

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MMA in the Wild: The Flying Kick Knockout That Nobody Saw Coming


(Props: SoMexican)

It was supposed to be a one-on-one fight, but you know how these things go. As soon as White Shirt Guy started landing on Blue Shirt Guy with a Matt Brown-esque storm of violence, Blue Shirt Guy’s homey stepped in from the sidelines to pull White Shirt Guy off. And according to the unwritten rules of Mexican street fights, as soon as there is encroachment by an amigo, team fighting commences. In this case, a friend of White Shirt Guy runs in and immediately ends the match with a flying head-kick out of a Jackie Chan movie.

My favorite part of this video actually comes directly after the flying kick, when the guy who landed it is so psyched up that he starts bouncing around like Vega from Street Fighter II. That’s the kind of dude you want in your corner.

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MMA in the Wild: Argentinian Street Fight Ends in Immediate Head Kick Knockout


(Thanks to CagePotato reader Juan Pablo B. for the tip!)

Everybody underestimates head movement — but in a one-on-one street-fight, it’s probably the greatest advantage you can have. This little altercation went down recently in Cordoba, Argentina, featuring a guy in a red jacket who slips ‘n’ rips like a pro, and a dude in a white long-sleeve who clearly doesn’t have the same level of kickboxing experience.

The whole thing lasts about three seconds, and ends with red-jacket guy landing a beautiful right high kick that sends the other guy tumbling face first like Steve Judson. Luckily, the fight ended there and nobody was gang-stomped or bashed with a 2×4. Kudos for being civilized, Argentina.

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MMA in the Wild, Pt. 5: No Arms, No Legs…No Problem


(Props: TheFightingSkill)

“9-1-1! Call 9-1-1! Stop your fucking smiling! This asshole steals from me! You think it’s a joke? 9-1-1! I’m trying to stop a thief! Let’s go, goof! You wanna rob from me? Let’s go!”

And with that battle cry, one of the saddest but weirdly inspiring street fight videos we’ve ever seen is set into motion. First, we see an armless, legless man yell out in anger from a wheelchair on a sidewalk, accusing another man of stealing from him. The camera pans and we see a guy in a hat squared up with a blonde person in the middle of a street, as cars honk past them.

When the yellow-haired fighter — who seems to be sided with the man in the wheelchair — gets taken down, our limbless hero hops off his wheelchair and bounces towards the grounded pair. The speed at which he closes the distance is terrifying. Once he has joined the pile of bodies, he uses all the powers at his disposal to fight the accused thief until onlookers separate them. “You’re kidding me,” the cameraman says.

Like most street fights, this looks to be a sad situation and truthfully, we have no idea who is in the right and wrong here. However, we like to imagine that the man in the wheelchair was indeed taken advantage of due to his reduced condition, a friend tried to defend him, and when that friend’s fortunes took a bad turn in the fight, wheelchair-man didn’t let his own lack of appendages stop him from throwing down in the middle of a busy street.

Kind of like a real-life, noble Black Knight. “NONE SHALL PASS!”

-Elias Cepeda

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MMA in the Wild, Pt. 4: The Griffin vs. Bonnar of Kangaroo Fights Ends in Rear-Naked Choke


(Props: bax05 via Potato Nation soldier Ruben Vera)

For once, our “MMA in the Wild” tag isn’t just a metaphor for unsanctioned yard-fights between rednecks. This terrifying footage was taken in New South Wales, Australia, back in 2010, and features the most savage ‘roo-on-’roo fight we’ve ever seen. Long known as the best pure strikers in the animal kingdom, kangaroos have apparently added Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to their combat arsenal. Humankind, your days are numbered.

For over four long minutes, these two jacked-up marsupials trade belly kicks and head slaps, neither one giving an inch. At the video’s 4:15 mark, one of the ‘roos stumbles to the ground and the other immediately sets upon him with soccer kicks and stomps. The grounded fighter tries to get back to its feet, escapes a front head-lock, and pulls guard. But when it tries to go upright again, it leaves its neck hanging out, and the other kangaroo sinks the rear-naked choke with startling ease.

There are no referees in the animal kingdom, and a tap will not grant you mercy; there is only the cold, brutal reality of nature. The winner squeezes the life out of the loser, and at the 5:17 mark, the winner realizes that he’s been filmed the whole time by two of those…what do you call them…ah yes, humans. It’s a tense moment. Finally, the kangaroo decides that one kill was enough for today, and hobbles off to recover from the battle.

The kangaroo apocalypse is coming. You’ve been warned.

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MMA in the Wild, Pt. 3: Emo Dispute Ends in Flying Inverted Back-Breaker Choke (or Something)


(Props: KickYoNuts)

Like that Henry Rollins photo we posted on our Facebook page earlier today, this clip is so incredible that part of us wonders if it’s 100% legit. Humbly titled “emo fight,” the video above depicts a scrap between two young dudes in some sort of industrial park, and kicks off with about a minute of wild scrambles, reversals, and odd positions, including (but not limited to) a full-on wheelbarrow and a Sudo/Oxley-style giant swing. And then it happens: The taller, lankier combatant takes the other guy’s back, wraps one arm around his neck, grabs his opponent’s ankle with his other hand, and wrenches the poor son-of-a-bitch across his back until unconsciousness is achieved. (If you have a snappier name for this finishing move than “flying inverted back-breaker choke,” by all means share it in the comments section.)

Now, if this had happened in a real MMA match, it would be a bulletproof Submission of the Year candidate, with a guaranteed spot in the 2013 Potato Awards. Unfortunately, it’s just another street fight between two high-schoolers who may or may not have choreographed the whole thing. We’ve certainly been fooled before. So what do you think…real deal or straight bullshit?

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MMA in the Wild Pt. 2: Off-Duty Ninja Gives Pair of Brothers Fair Warning Before Unleashing Hell

In our first installment of MMA in the Wild, we observed the fighting patterns of the HillBillyetica DipShiticus, a creature that used Facebook chicanery and a surprisingly diverse striking attack to display his dominance as alpha male of the porch-dwelling, slack-jawed humanoid tribe. In today’s installment, we will witness a beast of an entirely different nature (puns!), known henceforth as the Ninjitsu Ballisticus. Combining the hidden rage of the World of Warcraft freak out kid with the technical striking abilities of a young Cung Le, Ballisticus does not head into the wild seeking a fight, and will only resort to such primitive methods of solving a dispute when his back is against a wall.

But when his back is against the wall, prepare for hell, because he will hit you with such force that both a visible dust cloud will appear on impact and THE GUILE THEME SONG WILL BE EXPELLED FROM THE HEAVENS.

And just as quickly as he thrashes you to and fro like some kind of child’s play thing, he will declare that “He didn’t come to the river for this shit!” before vanishing back into the trees. The Ninjitsu Ballisticus, ladies and gentlemen.

-J. Jones

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All Behold The Glorious Return of The Comment of the Week!


(Little did we know that this man would be the spark that rekindled a long extinguished flame.) 

A few weeks ago, we brought back the always entertaining caption contest, and even went as far as to claim that we would be bringing back the “Comment of the Week” as well. We might have just been riding the wave of enthusiasm at the time (or the aftereffects of huffing duster), but we almost completely forgot about our aforementioned promise to take you guys fishing, so to speak, and left you sitting on the curb with only your own sadness as a companion.

In either case, after determining what we thought were the funniest captions of said contest, you all responded in the dickish intelligent, kneejerk well thought-out fashion that has become the standard for CagePotato readers. Being that you guys are apparently way more capable of determining what is funny and what isn’t than we are (and probably run your own ultra successful comedic MMA blog when your not jet setting across the country as well) we decided to switch things up for the return of the comment of the week, and have handed over the power to you.

After the jump you will find your list of nominees, with links to each article for context, and a poll to decide on the true winner for the week. The winner for each week will be decided the following Monday and receive whatever shirt we have in stock (this week it’s a “Pull No Punches” Tee), so make sure to get your votes in ASAP, and make any possible arguments you can in the comments section.

And the nominees are…

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MMA in the Wild: Redneck Kickboxer Defends Fiancee’s Honor, Wins on Points [VIDEO]


(Props: CRE)

When two drunk jackasses swing haymakers at each other in front of a nightclub, it’s a street fight. When a redneck with a tattoo of a backbone down his back throws multiple spinning wheel-kicks, knees from the clinch, and what appears to a Superman punch (1:13 mark) during a personal dispute, it’s something different. It’s something we like to call…MMA in the Wild.

To summarize, beefy dude in the tank top has allegedly been sending inappropriate messages to shirtless guy’s girlfriend on the Facebook. Shirtless guy intercepts the messages, and then, posing as his own girlfriend, he continues the conversation just to gather more evidence, I guess, and not because he actually enjoys posing as a girl on Facebook. So, shirtless dude posses up with some of his bros (just in case things get out of hand) and confronts tank top dude on a porch, whose denials are not well-received. As it turns out, tank top dude has a hell of a chin, but it isn’t much of a “fight,” per se.

In the end, shirtless guy is unable to secure the stoppage he was looking for, but he has clearly made a statement to the rest of the redneck lightweight porch-fighting division. You can bet that “Say Goodnight!” guy was watching this scrap with great interest.

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