(Meanwhile, Fedor’s urine test came up positive for vodka and childlike wonderment. Props to M1.)

Fedor Emelianenko and his manager, M-1 Global president Vadim Finkelchtein, held a press conference today in Moscow to assure fans that contrary to recent reports, he is still alive. Kidding, y’all. Actually, they met with Russian media to answer questions about this Josh Barnett clusterfuck. Some highlights:

On Barnett: “I feel disappointed about this situation. But I will fight anyone who Affliction puts in front of me. I know a lot of fans waited for this fight to happen and I am sorry for them. I can’t do much about it now but I am in good shape, my training has been good and continues to go well…There was no specific manner to prepare for the planned bout with Josh Barnett. It’s all the same: standup and ground game… Undoubtedly, it’s better to know the name of your opponent long before the fight.”

On Barnett’s Replacement: “By the end of the evening we expect to officially announce who’ll be the replacement for Barnett. Vitor Belfort agreed to come in principle. We personally entertain the idea of having Brett Rogers step in since he knocked Andrei Arlovski out. But if there is any problem with Rogers, then it’s pretty safe to say it’s going to be Belfort. However, we are well aware of the fact that fans don’t consider Vitor Belfort to be a suitable replacement, according to a recent Sherdog poll*…Belfort can make heavyweight but the fans don’t want this fight. Fedor isn’t seeking an easy fight. If logistics weren’t an issue, we’d like to see Fedor fight against Brett Rogers. Fans want it (and) so do we.”

(Oh, what could have been…)

According to TheFightNetwork, Fedor Emelianenko vs. Vitor Belfort is really happening:

Affliction VP Tom Atencio did not make reference to this replacement — or make any other earth-shattering announcements — on today’s conference call, which you can get a summary of here. Meanwhile, undefeated bruiser (and actual heavyweight) Brett Rogers did in fact throw his name out as an option. A source told SI’s Josh Gross that the Grim was asking for "a purse approaching at least the $800,000 Affliction Entertainment paid Sylvia to fight Emelianenko." Affliction, it seems, respectfully declined.

(Whaddya say, Rich — once more for old times’ sake?)

The announcement that a rematch between Dan Henderson and Rich Franklin would headline UFC 103 (September 19th, Dallas) came as a bit of a surprise to us. And apparently, Franklin was just as surprised as we were. Here’s how he described the booking to MMA Junkie:

Nice, Dana. Luckily, Franklin is being a good sport and going along with it, even if he still doesn’t know which weight class the fight will be contested at. Said Franklin: "I’m assuming (it’s at) 205…I haven’t spoken to anyone about it, so anything I say is only speculation…Even if [Henderson] lost to me at 205, it shouldn’t affect his standing at 185 pounds. So I’d assume the UFC would do this fight at 205."

(All right guys, just flip a coin for it.  Loser fights Fedor.  Winner gets an ice cream sandwich.)

Remember when the fun trend among MMA fighters was to declare their desire and willingness to fight Fedor Emelianenko, despite not being in the same organization or even weight class?  Well, somebody better go call all those bastards up, because Fedor needs a replacement opponent in a hurry.  With Josh Barnett getting the no-go from the California State Athletic Commission, Affliction is said to be looking at four possible replacements, which range from unlikely to damn near impossible to not that credible of a challenger even if they did agree to it. 

But why stop with the merely implausible or ill-advised possibilities?  Clearly, this is a total shit-show of a problem that requires a total shit-show of a solution.  Allow us to examine the possibilities…

("Mostly-natural, baby!" Photo courtesy of MMA Mania.)

Bad news for MMA fans — and disastrous news for Affliction’s MMA promotion. Sherdog is reporting that the California State Athletic Commission will not license Josh Barnett for his fight against Fedor Emelianenko at next Saturday’s Affliction: Trilogy event due to a "positive test result." We’re assuming that means steroids and not Hep B or something, though the CSAC promises to release a detailed statement today. Barnett, who was stripped of his UFC heavyweight title in 2002 for anabolic steroid use, was surprised by the news: 

(‘If you see that son of a bitch Gallagher, tell him we need to talk.’)

There’s something to be learned from the cautionary tale of Alistair Overeem, and it’s this: if you’re going to get into a nightclub brawl in between title fights, at least have the sense to hit people with your elbows and not your fists.  Strikeforce officials confirmed today that Overeem will be unable to defend his heavyweight title on August 15 against Fabricio Werdum because the infection to the hand he injured on a bouncer’s face back in May still hasn’t healed. 

This means he’ll miss a second straight fight because of his street fighting antics, and the Strikeforce heavyweight strap that he won back in 2007 and has yet to defend will stay on the shelf…or will it?

("Your perpetually-scowling welterweight with great jiu-jitsu, cardio, and trash-talk has died of dysentery.")

For over a month, we’ve been wondering who EA Sports will be able to recruit for its upcoming MMA video game — especially after Dana White’s proclamation that any fighter who signs with the competing title will be dead to him. But now that reports are starting to trickle out, let’s run it down…

— In a recent interview with MMA Wordwide, UFC/IFL/Strikeforce vet Benji Radach says that he starts work on the game next month, and will be in it along with Randy Couture and Fedor Emelianenko.

— Emelianenko’s involvement was confirmed by a press release distributed by mixfight.ru, which also named Gegard Mousasi as a participant.

(In the animal kingdom, playing dead can be considered an intelligent defense. In an MMA fight, not so much. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

Yesterday’s event may have been low on spectacle, but DREAM plans to come back strong for their next show. Here’s what’s on the card for DREAM.11 (October 6th, Yokohama):

— The long-awaited rubber-match between Shinya Aoki and Joachim Hansen. The two top-ten lightweights first met at PRIDE Shockwave 2006, where Aoki took out Hellboy via gogoplata. But Hansen got revenge last July, scoring a brutal TKO over Aoki at DREAM’s lightweight GP finals. Hansen has been inactive since that fight, while Aoki has gone 4-1, earning victories over Eddie Alvarez and Vitor Ribeiro, with his only loss to Hayato Sakurai in an ill-advised welterweight match.

(Whaddaya say, boys?  Once more, this time without eye-pokes?) 

Remember when the Dan Henderson-Michael Bisping scrap at UFC 100 was the fight to determine the number one contender in the middleweight division?  Neither does the UFC.  The organization announced today that Hendo’s reward for knocking Bisping out in the second round will be a rematch against Rich Franklin.  Who he already beat once.  So…congratulations?

Judging by the announcement on the UFC website, the official justification for this move is that the first fight was so close it “split the mixed martial arts community,” which is true to the extent that it is with any close fight (Akiyama-Belcher, Hardy-Davis, Franklin-Wanderlei) but it’s not as if a passionate mob of fans has been clamoring for a rematch since the first fight went down. 

The light-heavyweight match between Matt Hamill and Brandon Vera — which was scheduled to open the broadcast of UFC 102 (August 29th, Portland) — has been canceled, as Hamill was forced to pull out of the fight due to a torn meniscus in his knee. Luckily, TUF 8 standout Krzysztof Soszynski was available to fill in, and he’ll be taking on Vera in Hamill’s place.

It’ll be gut-check time for both fighters. K-Sos has looked fantastic in his current 3-0 run in the UFC, taking out Shane Primm and Brian Stann by kimura and knocking out Andre Gusmao at UFC 98, but he needs a win over a bigger-name opponent to establish himself as a true contender in the division. Meanwhile, Brandon Vera has gone from hot heavyweight prospect to 205-pound question mark during his time in the Octagon. He most recently chopped down Mike Patt with leg kicks at UFC 96, which got him back to the W column after a previous split-decision loss against Keith Jardine. A win against Soszynski would prove that the Truth is still a factor; a loss solidifies his status as a gatekeeping can-crusher.

(The international symbol for "Bring me two more bowls of poi.")

Though formal MMA regulation began in Hawaii earlier this month, the UFC had no plans to host an event there due to the high taxes that the state demands from fight promoters. Luckily, things are about to change in a big way. As UFC prez Dana White told FiveOuncesofPain:

Hawaii’s other venues might be too small, but the Aloha Stadium is freakin’ gigantic. With a 50,000+ capacity, it could theoretically host the most well-attended UFC event in history. (UFC 97, held at Montreal’s Bell Centre, currently holds the record with 21,451 fans.) Of course, at least one mega-fight would need to be booked for the UFC to roll the dice on an outdoor stadium show. If BJ Penn gets by Kenny Florian next month, could we see him take on Diego Sanchez on his home turf?

(Alas, Rampage Jackson’s cry of "Look the hell out!" came just a moment too late.)

Now that Michael Bisping is upright again and has finally watched the video that explains why he can no longer recognize patterns or do long division, he seems eager to get back in the Octagon and implement the lessons he learned from his brief time in the Underworld.  Bisping has vowed to “kick someone’s backside” at UFC 105 in Manchester, England this November, but the question remains, who’s backside will be presented for potential kicking?

(Shogun’s audition for Pride’s ill-fated production of "West Side Story" didn’t lack spirit, but Gilbert Yvel later proved to have more jazz-tap experience.)

It used to be that we all had a lot of fun listening to Anderson Silva’s next opponent wax optimistic about the one thing everyone else had missed that he had finally figured out when it came to devising a strategy to beat “The Spider.”   That is so 2008.  As we all know, Lyoto Machida is the new Silva, so now everyone gets to take their turn claiming to have figured him out.  Next up is “Shogun” Rua, who says you got to be patient, but not too patient:

“Most of the guys that fought Lyoto… found a problem with patience, with finding the right moment to attack, or to counter-strike him.  Some guys try to rush it too much; some guys try to stay too patient, (and) they start to get nervous because of that.  …I think the key is the timing of the fight, to get the feeling of when to engage and when to counter-strike him. This is likely the key, to find the pace and the rhythm, mostly the timing of the strikes to be able to connect and to make it a fight. For sure, I’m going to concentrate on that and develop a good strategy.”

Cut the bullshit, Shogun.  You have no idea what you’re going to do against this guy, do you?

(Props: MMA Frenzy)

Though this Monday’s DREAM 10 event will feature the semi-finals and finals of their welterweight GP, as well non-tournament matches between Shinya Aoki and Vitor Ribeiro, and Melvin Manhoef vs. Paulo Filho, the lineup’s still a little thin. As of yesterday, only six fights were officially announced for the card. So, the organizers are doing a little last-minute patching, adding Seichi Ikemoto vs. Tarec Saffiedine as a GP reserve bout, and Jesse "JT Money" Taylor vs. PRIDE/K-1 HERO’s vet Dong Sik Yoon. The news was first broke yesterday on Taylor’s official website, YoJTMoney.com (seriously), in which Mongo wrote: "JT has always wanted to fight for the prestegious Dream organization and for the warrior spirit of Japan. JT will be sure to make the most of this incredible journey and opportunity."

(Will the pain from Shane fall mainly on the Cain? Photos courtesy of Sherdog.)

During an appearance on the Opie and Anthony show, Dana White had this to say about the UFC’s heavyweight title picture: "We’ve got Shane Carwin and Cain Velasquez fighting and probably the winner of that fight will fight Brock Lesnar."

Are Carwin and Velasquez worthy of the honor? Sure, in the sense that they’re both incredibly talented, exciting to watch, and undefeated. But like many #1 contenders matches, timing is everything. From my angle, the winner of Carwin/Velasquez would have to fight the winner of Cro Cop/Dos Santos to truly determine who’s worthy of the next heavyweight title shot. Unfortunately, that would take too long, and the UFC needs to strike the Brock-iron while it’s hot.

(You know, Cub, in bull riding this would have been considered a victory. Photo courtesy of Newsday.)

— According to an interview on intheguard.tv, WEC featherweight/human highlight-reel Jose Aldo says he’ll be getting a much-deserved shot at Mike Brown‘s belt at WEC 45 (November 11th, location TBA). Aldo has racked up five consecutive TKO/KO victories during his stint in the WEC, most recently slicing Cub Swanson’s head wide open in 8 seconds at WEC 41 last month. Brown made his second successful title-defense at the same event, out-pointing Urijah Faber in a classic five-rounder to pick up his tenth straight win. 

— With Strikeforce middleweight champ Cung Le out of action due to a blossoming acting career, Scott Coker has announced that Jake Shields will fight for the organization’s interim middleweight title in October; the exact date, location, and Shields’s opponent will all be announced later. Shields has long been known as one of the best welterweights in the world, but his first-round choke-out of Robbie Lawler last month proved that he could be very competitive at a higher weight. Plus, his homey’s already got the welterweight division on lock…

("And I’ll be taking your lunch money every morning, got it geek?")

The UFC paid out $2,190,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses for Saturday’s UFC 100 show, with the victorious Brock Lesnar, Georges St. Pierre, and Dan Henderson taking home just over half of the total. Lesnar and St. Pierre also earn a percentage of the pay-per-view revenue, which isn’t reflected in the list below; according to MMA Junkie, Lesnar will make about $3 million from the fight even before the majority of his sponsorship money is tallied. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. The salary figures are below:

– Brock Lesnar: $400,000 (no win bonus)

– Georges St. Pierre: $400,000 (includes $200,000 win bonus)

– Dan Henderson: $350,000 (includes $150,000 win bonus, $100,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)

– Yoshihiro Akiyama: $160,000 (includes $20,000 win bonus, $100,000 Fight of the Night Bonus)

– Michael Bisping: $150,000

– Alan Belcher: $119,000 (includes $100,000 Fight of the Night Bonus)

– Tom Lawlor: $116,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus, $100,000 Submission of the Night bonus)

– Mark Coleman: $100,000 (includes $50,000 win bonus)

(Photos courtesy of the Las Vegas Sun)

Meet Natasha Wicks, a 24-year-old Las Vegas native who beat out 39 other women to become the winner of Saturday’s Maxim UFC Octagon Girl Search at the UFC Fan Expo. According to this Model Mayhem profile, Natasha was a cross-country runner at Northern Arizona University, used to work as a Bunny at the Playboy Club in Las Vegas, and has never undergone any kind of plastic surgery. She’s 5’2, and her measurements are 34-25-36. More pics of the UFC’s new ring girl are after the jump…

(Now all he needs to do is fight CB Dollaway with one boxing glove. Photo courtesy of the UFC 100: Weigh Ins set on Combat Lifestyle.)

Spoilers after the jump…

(Judging from the jersey colors, it’ll be Team Black vs. Team Black. Subtle. Photo courtesy of Spike. Click for larger image.)

Spike TV revealed the complete cast of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights this afternoon via press release. Here’s who will be bunkin’ up in the TUF house:

Zak Jensen – standout wrestler at Augsburg College
Marcus Jones – former 1st round NFL draft pick who had a six-year career with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Scott Junk – Division II All-American football player at Southwest Oklahoma State and fought in UFC 76.
James McSweeney – former international kickboxing and Muay Thai champion
John Madsen – defeated Brock Lesnar in a high school wrestling match
Matt Mitrione – played for New York Giants and Minnesota Vikings
Roy Nelson – former IFL Heavyweight Champion
Demico Rogers – high school football and wrestling star
Brendan Schaub – played for Buffalo Bills and Arena Football’s Utah Blaze
Darrill Schoonover – decorated Army veteran
Wes Shivers – former member of the Tennessee Titans and Atlanta Falcons
Wes Sims – fought two heated battles with former UFC champ Frank Mir at UFC 43 and UFC 46
Kimbo Slice – former EliteXC heavyweight contender and YouTube sensation
Abe Wagner – played linebacker at Michigan Tech and has a degree in mechanical engineering
Mike Wessel – UFC veteran and former strength and conditioning coach at University of Arkansas
Justin Wren – All-American high school wrestler

(Index finger, hospital; middle finger, cemetery.)

Yesterday’s rumors of Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic returning to the UFC just got considerably realer. According to MMA Weekly, Cro Cop has dropped out of his scheduled DREAM 10 match against Mighty Mo, in order to free up his schedule for a fight against Junior Dos Santos at UFC 103 (September 19th, Dallas). Said Dos Santos, who was originally slated to face Justin McCully at UFC 102:

Considering how pissed off Dana White was when Cro Cop first flew the coop, it’s a little surprising that he’s being given a second chance. The UFC must have big plans for him in the heavyweight division. But Santos — who has run through Fabricio Werdum and Stefan Struve in a combined 2:15 of fight time during his stint in the UFC — has a way of laughing at men’s plans, then crapping all over them.

(Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

According to Ryan Bader’s Twitter page, the TUF 8 light-heavyweight winner will return to action at UFC 104 (October 24th, Los Angeles) against "Eric Shaufer." (We’re assuming that means Eric Schafer, the UFC vet who’s coming off back-to-back first-round stoppages of Houston Alexander and Antonio Mendes.) If the announcement is accurate, it would be a surprisingly quick comeback for Bader, who wrecked his knee during his three-round domination of Carmelo Marrero in April; early predictions said he’d be out of action for up to a year. UFC 104 will be headlined by the light-heavyweight title fight between Lyoto Machida and Mauricio Rua, and may also feature the heavyweight contenders match between Shane Carwin and Cain Velasquez.

(Nate Diaz: Not here to make friends.)

Yesterday we gazed in wonder at the poster for UFC Fight Night 19, which is being headlined, rather improbably, by a fight between Nate Diaz and Melvin Guillard. This new article about the event on UFC.com doesn’t really explain why the match is getting such a push, but it does provide some insight into Diaz’s current emotional state:

If any of you Potato Heads live in New York and are either unemployed or have a job that allows you to skip out for a couple hours in the afternoon, keep next Tuesday free. Gina Carano and Cris Cyborg will be appearing at the WaMu Theater at Madison Square Garden to promote their cute little Strikeforce title fight on August 15th, and will be participating in a public workout outside the theatre directly following (weather permitting), with an actual cage set up on the corner of 33rd and 8th. Fans will be able to take photos and get body parts signed. I’ll be lurking around trying to get some time with the headliners, so holler at me via Twitter or email if you’ll be there.

From MMA Weekly:

(Strikeforce’s coveted "Hater of the Year" title will also be up for grabs. Image courtesy of CageToday.)

Talk about making up for lost time. After a 12-month drought that gave us only one light-heavyweight championship match and an interim lightweight title scrap, Strikeforce has decided to just say "fuck it" and call every bout on their next card a title fight.

It has been confirmed that the upcoming grudge match between Nick Diaz and Joe Riggs — originally slated for the undercard of the "Carano vs. Cyborg" show on August 15th — will now decide Strikeforce’s vacant welterweight title. The bout will join the lightweight title rematch between Josh Thomson and Gilbert Melendez, the heavyweight championship battle between Alistair Overeem and Fabricio Werdum, and the main event, in which Gina Carano and Cris Cyborg will go five rounds for Strikeforce’s first-ever 145-pound women’s title. So yes, three of these four title fights will be rematches. Deal with it.

No, your eyes are not deceiving you. We just received the above poster image in our inbox, in which Nate Diaz (who’s coming off back-to-back losses to Clay Guida and Joe Stevenson) and Melvin Guillard (cokehead) appear to be headlining the next UFC Fight Night card over top lightweight contender Gray Maynard and Roger Huerta, who used to be the UFC’s Great Brown Hope until he started talking out of turn. Of course, most fans are just going to be happy to see two great lightweight matchups on free TV, not realizing the passive aggressive jab of disrespect that’s going on here. (Honestly, I can’t wait to hear Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg’s spin on why Diaz vs. Guillard is main-event-worthy.) But hey, good luck to Nate — when was the last time a fighter was given a headlining slot and a "win or go home" match on the same night?

UFC Fight Night 19 will serve as a lead-in to the premiere of Kimbo’s House (aka TUF 10). Tickets to the event go on sale this week; the current lineup is after the jump.

For those of you who don’t follow E! reality shows, Holly Madison is a former Playboy model who bravely served as one of Hugh Hefner’s official girlfriends from 2001-2008, starred in the series The Girls Next Door, did a stint on Dancing With the Stars earlier this year, and now appears in the Planet Hollywood burlesque extravaganza Peepshow. She’s also a UFC fan who Dana White once described as "one of the sweetest, most genuine people you could ever meet." Most importantly, she’s an incredibly hot chick who will be adding star power and some much-needed blondeness to the Octagon Girl pit at UFC 100. As Holly posted recently on Twitter (props to MMA Mania for the tip):

Keep in mind that the UFC is still going to pluck one lucky lady out of obscurity during their Octagon Girl Search this Saturday, but we dig the "celebrity guest ring girl" angle. Could Mandy Moore be next? More pics of Ms. Madison are after the jump. Check out more of her work at HollyMadison.com, and be her eBuddy at MySpace.com/hollyewok.

As predicted, five-time UFC light-heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell and TapouT founder Charles Lewis Jr. will be inducted into the UFC’s Hall of Fame this week, according to a press release published last night. From UFC.com:

(Overeem vs. Werdum 1; Fabricio starts the fight with a flying kick at the 1:11 mark, and ends it with a kimura at 17:08.)

As first reported by MMA Fanhouse and confirmed shortly after via press release, Alistair Overeem will indeed be making his first Strikeforce heavyweight title defense on the main card of "Carano vs. Cyborg" (August 15th, San Jose). But get this — he’ll be taking on PRIDE/UFC vet Fabricio Werdum, not undefeated KO artist Brett Rogers as was originally speculated.

Overeem and Werdum already have a history together. In May 2006, they had a memorable battle in the opening round of PRIDE’s open-weight GP, with Werdum pulling out a kimura submission near the end of the second round. Said Overeem about the upcoming rematch: “I’m very happy that I’m being given the opportunity to fight him again and I’m looking forward to beating him. This is the one rematch I’ve wanted. I’m going to punish this guy.”