(Careful, BJ — drinking Sean Sherk’s blood is one of the easiest ways to get a false positive.)

In a Floyd Mayweather-esque bit of gamesmanship, BJ Penn went on twitter yesterday to make a unique “offer” to his next opponent, welterweight prodigy Rory MacDonald:

“VADA anti-doping has offered to sponsor our upcoming fight. I’ve accepted and invite you to help me clean up the sport. VADA results will be released after the fight to ensure that the fight happens. Lets get started asap!!”

You see what he did there? If Rory refuses to undergo VADA’s voluntary PED screenings, well then he’s a doper, and by extension, all the accusations that Penn previously made about MacDonald’s mentor Georges St. Pierre were accurate, and BJ Penn is the last honest man in the sport. (Like the fight itself, this whole VADA business just seems to be a way for Penn to stick it to his old buddy GSP.)

By George Shunick

Alistair Overeem has plenty of haters out there. Haters saying stuff like “He’s a cheat,” or “He uses steroids,” or “All of his recent accomplishments are tainted because his entire heavyweight career is a byproduct of unnatural chemical enhancements.” Also “Leave the horses alone!”, though that’s just PETA, and they hate on everyone so they don’t really count. Well, Alistair Overeem has something to tell all the haters (except PETA) out there: he’s clean.

That’s right, let’s cease all this hurtful speculation; Alistair Overeem is without a doubt, 100% clean. Never did steroids, never will do them. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about. That time he tested positive for his then-upcoming fight with Junior Dos Santos with a 14:1 testosterone-to-epitestosterone ratio? That was the fault of a completely reliable and not at all sketchy doctor who injected testosterone into Overeem — without his knowledge! — which is totally standard for anti-inflammatory injections. I don’t see how anyone would need a more satisfying explanation than that.

(“Just gimme the ‘roids and pass the ‘lol, bussanothaneedle’a'zo…”)

Following Rafael Cavalcante‘s $2,500 fine and one-year suspension for testing positive for a banned substance, the California State Athletic Commission has confirmed that “Feijao” pissed hot for stanozolol, the anabolic steroid of choice for such MMA fighters as Tim Sylvia, Chris Leben, Ken Shamrock and Cris Cyborg. As a result, Cavalcante’s May 19th submission win over Mike Kyle has been overturned to a no-contest.

Cavalcante and his management team have already filed an appeal with the CSAC, and are awaiting a hearing date.

According to our handy guide to this sort of thing, the four failed drug tests so far this year (Cyborg, Lawal, Overeem, Cavalcante) mean that 2012 has already seen as many failed drug tests in MMA as 2010 and 2011 combined. At the current rate, 2012 will be the second most drug-fueled year in the sport’s modern history after 2007, in which a whopping 14 fighters tested positive for steroids.

(Well, this would explain Popeye’s bacne.)

In the wake of Alistair Overeem‘s tragically botched drug test, MMAJunkie.com medical columnist Dr. Johnny Benjamin delved into those mysterious T:E ratios, and underscored the argument for year-round random testing. Here’s what the doc said:

Testosterone (T) is the naturally occurring male hormone produced primarily in the testes. Epitestosterone (E) is an inactive form of testosterone that may serve as a storage substance or precursor that gets converted to active T.

Most men have a ratio of T to E of 1:1, which means normal men have equal amounts of T and E in their blood. There is some normal ethnic and time of day variation in the normal T/E ratio (as low as 0.7:1 and as high as 1.3:1).

Statistics reveal that a ratio of up to 3.7:1 will capture 95 percent of all normal men, and a ratio of up to 5:1 will capture greater than 99 percent of all men. That’s why the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) allows up to 4:1 (so its test is at least 95 percent accurate) and the Nevada State Athletic Commission, the NCAA and some others allow up to 6:1 (for 99 percent accuracy). The whole goal is to not label someone a cheater when he or she isn’t. (Very, very rarely, some people are just freakishly high, but they have a ratio of less than 6:1).

(Overeem, pictured next to a normal-sized human being for comparison.)

File this under “HOLY F*CKING SH*T.”

Nevada State Athletic Commission executive director Keith Kizer has confirmed to CagePotato.com that Alistair Overeem‘s testosterone/epitestosterone ratio registered at 14:1 in his recent failed drug test. Assuming you’re not an expert endocrinologist, we’ll let MMAFighting.com put that number into perspective:

The average male produces a T/E ratio around 1:1. The World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) uses a 4:1 standard for positive tests, and NSAC uses 6:1 as its cutoff, a number used by WADA up until 2006…Overeem’s number is slightly lower than that of Chael Sonnen when he was caught with an elevated level in 2010. Sonnen, who lost to Anderson Silva the day after the test was taken, produced a sample with a 16.9:1 ratio.

(Come on. You’re telling me that’s not a pothead? / Photo via Sherdog)

Update: Herman only tested positive for marijuana. The report that originally stated he also tested positive for steroids came from a misinterpretation of his interview.

UFC heavyweight Dave Herman has confirmed that his scheduled UFC 136 main card bout against Mike Russow has been canceled, after his pre-fight drug tests came back positive for marijuana. Herman denies using the illegal substance. As he explained to Clinch Gear Radio:

“I went in to get in my drug test (on Sept. 15), and a week later, they called me and told me they lost my urine specimen. I had to come in and redo it. That was last week. I went back in that day. And [on Wednesday], they told me I failed. I said, ‘That’s impossible.’…[now,] Texas said they never lost it and the first one [tested positive] for drugs and the second was for steroids. I don’t even smoke…I haven’t even had a beer in two months.”

(Steroids: You’re doing it wrong. Bizarre photo-illustration via SportsNickel)

Last Wednesday, Nevada Governor Brian Sandoval signed a bill that will provide more funds for out-of-competition steroid testing of MMA fighters, boxers, and kickboxers. The money will come from an existing ticket fee, and will pay for random drug screenings at any time, including training periods. The new law goes into effect July 1st.

Currently, the Nevada State Athletic Commission gets $1 per ticket sold for large MMA/boxing events, and 50 cents for smaller events that gross less than $500,000. Some of that money will now be diverted to year-round testing of performance enhancing drugs, both at a professional and amateur level.

It’s not the first time that Nevada has tried to do this. MMAFighting passes along some history:

By Gary “Big Daddy” Goodridge

Thanks everybody for your responses. Anybody who has followed my career knows that I’ve always loved interacting with my fans. This blog gives me a chance to keep in the game, at least mentally. I’ve had a few hits to the head and I suffer from some memory loss but I hope that this column helps to dispel some myths and educate you about the things I’ve learned throughout my life. Some of your questions had me cracking up, and most of you clearly have way too much time on your hands. It’s good to be half man, half amazing and black by popular demand…

‘MyDonkeyPunch’ asks: What was the craziest thing a fighter whispered to you when fighting?
Usually I was the one trash-talking during the fights so I’ll tell you about one of the coolest things that anybody ever whispered to me outside of the ring. After I won one of my K-1 fights in Las Vegas, I got the opportunity to meet Muhammad Ali who was there to present a trophy to the GP winner. Ali had always been my hero growing up so meeting him was a dream come true. When I shook Muhammad Ali’s hand, he pulled me in a close embrace and whispered, “You’re one tough nigger.” I was so honored and excited and it was hard to describe how much that experience meant to me.

‘bgoldstein’ asks: Fill in the blank: __% of fighters use steroids.
Let me answer this question by making an analogy. What percentages of race car drivers use high-quality gasoline? The reason why I ask that is because when you’re running a high-performance vehicle you want to use the fuel that will give you the greatest edge in winning. If you are not using the same quality of fuel as all of the other top drivers, you will start to fall behind no matter how good your engine is.

(That’s the face of a man who values his privacy. Photoprops: Esther Lin/Strikeforce)

You know, when I woke up this morning, I never expected to read a news story involving Kevin Randleman‘s possibly-fake penis. But unfortunately, I did — and since I can’t get that horrible image out of my head, you’re going to have to hear about it too. Here’s Nevada State Athletic Commission Executive Director Keith Kizer talking to MMAJunkie about the infamous Randleman-at-PRIDE 32 situation, which was the last time that his commission’s testing body has been burned by fake urine:

Kizer said Randleman’s deception began with the collection of his sample.

“What he did was he grabbed the inner-thigh of his shorts, kind of pulled it open, stuck out what we thought was the tip of his penis – it was the same color as the rest of his skin – and then urinated in the cup and gave it to our inspector,” he said…

(Ed. note: See, for me, that “same color as the rest of his skin” bit would be a dead giveaway. Everybody knows that wiener-skin is a shade darker than the rest of the guy it’s attached to. Come on, where were these NSAC guys licensed, anyway? Moving on…)

(Not so fast, buddy: Silva’s big win could cost him dearly. Photoprops: MMAGospel)

Reports about Thiago Silva‘s sketchy UFC 125 drug test results have been swirling since last month, and were allegedly the cause for Silva’s removal from a slated bout with Quinton Jackson at UFC 130, as well as Brandon Vera’s sudden un-firing. And even though Silva’s camp promised us that the light-heavyweight’s drug test would come back normal, the Nevada State Athletic Commission is telling a different story today. As the NSAC confirmed with FightersOnly and MMAJunkie, Silva is being accused of supplying a urine sample that was not from a human source.

(Wonder if he’ll blame Ken Shamrock for this one too…)

You know, at a certain point you’re just creating your own bad luck. It was reported yesterday that famously cursed MMA fighter James Irvin will not be meeting Houston Alexander in the co-main event of Shark Fights 14, as he was flagged by the California State Athletic Commission for the steroid epitrenbolone following his December 2 loss against Jorge Oliveira. Irvin faces a fine as well as a one-year suspension that would retroactively begin on December 3rd. In 2008, Irvin caught a nine-month suspension for the use of unapproved painkillers following his loss to Anderson Silva.

As it so happens, the Irvin/Alexander rematch wouldn’t have happened anyway, since Alexander has apparently suffered an undisclosed injury in training. Shark Fights is currently booking a replacement for the match, and plans to re-schedule the fight when the Sandman and the Assassin are available again. I guess it’s as good a time as any to update the James Irvin “Why Me?” Timeline…