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Tag: MMA t-shirts

Worst Christmas Ever: The 15 Most Depressing UFC Items Currently Available at UFCStore.com


(This is a Tank Abbott professional wrestling action figure produced and sold by the WWE. Spoiler alert: It is easily a much better Christmas present for the MMA fans in your life than ANYTHING on this list.)

By Seth Falvo

From ugly t-shirts to video games with comically deformed characters, MMA fans don’t exactly have a ton of half-decent options for Christmas presents. So it should probably go without saying that if you see that one of your presents is from UFCStore.com tomorrow morning, you should just throw the damn thing in the trash without opening it. Trust me, whatever is inside of that box is a Christmas tragedy the likes of which would make Agatha Christie blush.

The UFC’s official shop is not only littered with exactly the ugly, trashy, tasteless merchandise that you’d expect to see the Eddie Justbleeds of the world own, but also some incredibly confusing, useless products that suggest that maybe the UFC isn’t fully comfortable catering to said Justbleeds. I mean, for a company whose fan base is constantly measuring its collective dick, you’d think they’d be selling things like a UFC Belt Sander instead of a hyper-masculine UFC Shoe Bag.

So it’s in that spirit that I’ll be ranking the fifteen most depressing UFC items that you can currently buy — or, likely, receive as a Christmas present tomorrow — from UFCStore.com. Two rules: Number one, only UFC and UFC Gym brand items are eligible for inclusion, because as much as I’d love to include this eyesore, I’m not nearly enough of a masochist to rank every last item that awful place has up for grabs. And number two: It isn’t enough for an item to simply be extremely ugly, pointless, overpriced, dated or just plain stupid. No, for an item to make this list, it has to be that magical brand of awfulness that actually makes you feel sad and empty upon seeing that people are being asked to pay money in order to own it. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin our trip to the Island of Misfit UFC Merchandise…

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Behold, The Worst MMA T-Shirt of All Time. OF ALL TIME.


(Yes, this is a real shirt, and not a cut-scene from Leisure Suit Larry.)

Today’s jumping spinning hook-kick knockout video raised a couple of uncomfortable questions. For instance: Isn’t XFS the same promotion that was plagued by a record-padding scandal earlier this year? And why was one of the cage posts advertising something called Tomato Can MMA?

The answers to both questions are reflected in the atrocious t-shirt you see above. As a tongue-in-cheek reference to its notorious use of jobbers and palookas, the Xplode Fight Series has launched a charity drive called “Tomato Can MMA,” in which it will (allegedly) donate a can of food to a food bank or homeless shelter for every one of its “Melons” t-shirts that are purchased. (Just $19.99 plus $4.95 shipping!) As you read these words, there’s a homeless guy in Escondido farting out two cans’ worth of sauerkraut, all thanks to the philanthropic souls at XFS.

This is the worst MMA-related t-shirt in history, hands down. The phrase on the shirt — “Don’t let my melons get in the way of your CANS!” — is cringe-worthy, and basically incoherent when you think about it. (Although I do like the ironic usage of the trademark symbol, as if anybody would steal any of this.) Obviously, the message is printed in comic sans, beloved font of dull children and sociopaths.

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Hunt vs. Bigfoot x Scramble Fight-Picking Contest: And the Winners Are…


(Image courtesy of Scramble. Buy the shirt for $44.99 right here.)

Thanks to everybody who entered last week’s UFC Fight Night 33 fight-picking contest! I kind of enjoyed the free-for-all style that we tried this time, and I think we’ll do it like that from now on. Anyway, we’ve just sifted through your entries, and while there were a bunch of basically-correct guesses, a couple were more correct than the others. They were…

- Simon Cossette, for predicting a unanimous decision win for Ryan Bader against Anthony Perosh. With his entry of (30-27, 30-27, 30-27), Simon nailed two of the three judges’ scores, and missed the third one (30-26) by a single point.

- Lasha Lasha (?), for being the only person to predict that Soa Palelei would beat Pat Barry by first-round knockout. In fact, L.L. was the only person to predict a win for Palelei, period.

Those two talented fight-pickers have just won an official Sakuraba t-shirt from Scramble. So Simon and Lasha, please check the “other” folder of your Facebook messages today, as we’ll be sending you instructions on how to claim your prize. Thanks again to Scramble for hooking us up with all these shirts. If you need any Christmas gifts for the MMA/grappling fan in your life, swing by Scramble today!

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Hunt vs. Bigfoot Fight-Picking Contest: Win a Sakuraba T-Shirt From Scramble!

We still have a couple of those awesomely official Kazushi Sakuraba t-shirts from Scramble laying around, so how bout we put ‘em up for grabs in one more fight-picking contest? This weekend in Brisbane, Australia, hard-hittin’ heavyweights Mark Hunt and Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva will meet in the five-round main event of UFC Fight Night 33. Also, Mauricio “Shogun” Rua returns against James Te Huna, Pat Barry slugs it out with Soa Palelei, and Ryan Bader faces Anthony Perosh. (Are you noticing an Oceania vs. The World theme, here?)

To make things a little more interesting for this contest, we’re going to tweak the rules a little bit: Instead of having you submit predictions for the main event only, we’re going to allow you to submit a prediction for any fight on the card. The two closest guesses will win the Saku shirts. Your picks should be in this format…

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St-Pierre vs. Hendricks Fight-Picking Contest: And the Winner Is…


(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting)

The crazy thing about last week’s UFC 167/Scramble fight-picking contest was the fact that so many of you were basically right, even though the fight couldn’t have been any different from what we expected. Yes, Georges St-Pierre won by decision…again. He also took the longest sustained beating of his entire career. Who could have predicted that? Certainly not us.

But despite all the “GSP by decision” entries that came in, only one fight-picker predicted that St-Pierre would win by split-decision: Daniel Rogoff, who also got two of the judges’ scores exactly right. Congrats, Daniel, you’ve earned an official Kazushi Sakuraba t-shirt from Scramble! We’ve already sent you a Facebook message about how to claim your prize; please check your “Other” folder today.

Since only one person guessed the outcome correctly, we’re going to go back on our word a little and only award one t-shirt today instead of two. To make up for it, we’ll give you guys one more chance to win a Sakuraba t-shirt by the end of the month. Stay tuned, and thanks again to Scramble for making this happen.

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St-Pierre vs. Hendricks Fight-Picking Contest: Win a Sakuraba T-Shirt From Scramble!

Maybe you struck out in last week’s caption contest, but the fine folks at Scramble are giving you guys another chance to win an official Kazushi Sakuraba t-shirt in this week’s fight-picking contest!

As you might have heard, Georges St-Pierre and Johny Hendricks are going toe-to-toe this weekend at UFC 167 in a welterweight title fight. According to the oddsmakers, GSP is a -225 favorite against Hendricks — the champ’s narrowest line in over four years. But how will the fight end exactly? Shoot us your prediction in the comments section, and the two closest guesses will each win a shirt. Your entry should be in this format…

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Kazushi Sakuraba/Scramble T-Shirt Caption Contest: And the Winners Are…

Thanks to everybody who entered this week’s caption contest to win an official Kazushi Sauraba t-shirt from Scramble! As promised, we’re giving away three t-shirts to the captions that we’ve deemed shirt-worthy. But first, some honorable mentions:


(Photo via Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports)

Noa Schmitz: Chandler attempted the sitting Stone Cold Stunner to no avail.

Michael Trimarco: Alvarez and Chandler blissfully embrace as they prepare to be picked up by the UFC Helicopter flying over the Long Beach Arena.

Jarrod Walker: “Don’t be ashamed, guys, I always close my eyes when they take the rollercoaster picture too!”

Josh Freimark: “Oh Darling, this date at Jon Hess’ SAFTA Academy was such a romantic idea!”

Jon Garrison: Eddie has turned….someone get Daryl and tell him to bring his crossbow!

Darren Miller: “Come on, guys… let’s work or I’m going to wake you up.”

Shin Kim: The 3rd fight will be a “Don’t wear a Rubber match”.

Yikes. Now that we’re warmed up, let’s reveal the winners…

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Caption Contest: Win an Official Kazushi Sakuraba T-Shirt From Scramble!


(Image courtesy of Scramble. Buy the shirt for $44.99 right here, or £29.99 for our Euro-homies.)

Even today, the name “Saku” can induce feelings of euphoria in old-school MMA fans. Arguably the most important Japanese fighter in the sport’s history, Kazushi Sakuraba‘s fight career embodied the twin virtues of virtuosic creativity and never-say-die gameness. He is, was, and forever will be a legend. And now, you can buy his t-shirt.

Our friends at Scramble have kicked off an official collaboration with Sakuraba, beginning with the t-shirt you see above. Made with Saku’s full cooperation and blessing, the super soft 100% washed cotton shirts feature his stylized “KS” logo on the front — which he’s been rocking on his shorts since his PRIDE days — and the back of the shirt also sports several references to Sakuraba’s nicknames, including IQ Wrestler, Gracie Hunter, and 39. It’s pretty frickin’ sweet to be honest. If you want one for yourself, buy it here…or, take your chances with this week’s caption contest.

After the jump is a Photo of the Year candidate from this weekend’s Alvarez/Chandler rematch that reminded me of Saku just for its sheer bloodiness. Come up with a clever caption and submit it to the comments section of this post by Thursday night at midnight PT. The three best captions will all win a Sakuraba t-shirt, courtesy of Scramble. We’ll announce the results on Friday. Let us know if you have any questions, and good luck!

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‘Velasquez vs. Dos Santos 3′ Fight-Picking Contest: And the Winner Is…


(FTF’s Muay Thai 2013 tee. Check out the rest of their Combat Line shirts here.)

Thanks to everybody who entered last week’s UFC 166 fight-picking contest! Cain Velasquez‘s destruction of Junior Dos Santos may have seemed obvious in retrospect, but only one of our readers actually predicted that Cain would end the fight by TKO in the fifth round. That man was Brett Ketchum, who has just won himself a Combat Line t-shirt from Fear the Fighter.

Well done, Brett. We’ll be sending you a message on Facebook about how to claim your prize, so be sure to check the “Other” folder of your FB messages today. As for everybody else, please swing by Fear the Fighter to browse their line of fight-themed shirts and gear, and if you’d like us to do more giveaway contests with FTF, let us know in the comments section.

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‘Velasquez vs. Dos Santos III’ Fight-Picking Contest: Win a Combat Line T-Shirt From Fear the Fighter!


(FTF’s Kickboxing tee. Check out the rest of their Combat Line shirts here.)

This Saturday at UFC 166 in Houston, heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez and ex-champ Junior Dos Santos will meet for the third time in their best-of-seven series. Velasquez is currently sitting at a 2-1 favorite, thanks to the 25-minute whooping he put on JDS during their last fight. But as we’ve seen so many times in the past, heavyweight bouts can end with one punch. So how will things end this time?

Shoot us your predictions for the Velasquez vs. Dos Santos fight in the comments section of this post, and the most accurate guess will score a Combat Line t-shirt from our good buddies at Fear the Fighter. Your predictions should look something like this…

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