Maybe I’m just a sucker for slow motion and piano ballads (except for Coldplay. F*ck Coldplay.), but I must admit that the first advertisement for Bellator’s move to Spike TV in 2013 is a surprisingly well made and dare I say poignant bit of filmmaking coming from the network behind such subtle, highbrow programming as Manswers, 1000 Ways to Die, and those endless goddamn CSI reruns. I get it, Grissom, you’re f*cking smarter than everyone else and can figure out any mystery in twenty minutes, now please stop f*cking showboating SO I CAN TRY TO CATCH A GLIMPSE OF GAP TOOTH’S OR GINGER LADY’S TITS ALREADY!!

Anyway, back to the ad. Featuring such familiar faces as lightweight champion Michael Chandler, light heavyweight/TNA superstar King Mo Lawal, and former Strikeforce LHW champ Babalu Sobral among others, the 30 second clip succeeds in getting me amped up for a promotion I have literally been aware of for years now, so a kudos is in order to the gentlemen over at Spike.

Aside from displaying a much improved striking game in his second round TKO win over up-and-coming prospect Stipe Miocic last weekend, veteran heavyweight Stefan Struve put to rest all of the speculation regarding his chin (at least for the moment) by successfully eating the Clevelander’s best punches without looking much worse for the wear. But what most of the general public was completely unaware of heading into last weekend’s main event was the plight of Struve’s father, who had been diagnosed with cancer just a couple months ago and has been battling the disease ever since.

Obviously the news did not come easy to Struve, who was training for his fight with Miocic at the time, but the Dutchman managed to push through the onslaught of emotions and turn in a Brett Favre-esque performance on Saturday night. It wasn’t until his victorious post-fight interview that Struve brought everything to light, breaking down in heartrending fashion:

My dad [found out he had] cancer two months ago. He’s in therapy. He’s doing well, but, still. Yeah, I’ve been wanting to go home. It will be good to go home and see him again.

Having recently lost a family member to cancer, I can tell you first hand how difficult a process it is to deal with for all parties involved. I’m sure many of you readers could say the same. But like Struve said, his father is doing fine for the time being, so Struve should rest assured that he will be bringing his biggest victory inside the octagon home with him. We here at CP would like to let the Struve family know that our thoughts and prayers are with them in this difficult time. If Stefan’s performances inside the octagon are any indication, we imagine that his father will likely beat that pussy cancer inside of three rounds.

After the jump: A full video of the UFC on FUEL 5 post-fight press conference in which Dana White discusses his broner for Brad Pickett, pokes fun at the emotionless cyborg known as Gunnar Nelson, and tells everyone who thought the card sucked to stick it “right up your ass.” If only the President of this great nation could be so frank.

(“Don’t worry, Carlos, I’ll let you hold a real belt for a minute after this photo op is over.”)

Earlier today, the UFC held its official press conference to announce the long awaited showdown between welterweight “champion” Georges St. Pierre and “interim champion” Carlos Condit at UFC 154. And we may have had to do some regrettable things for this guy in a parking lot to get it, but we’ve managed to snag the full video of the press conference for your viewing entertainment.

Join us after the jump to hear Condit and GSP engage in a good old fashioned battle of politeness. Seriously, GSP is so nice that he even declares Condit to be the true champion at one point. Condit tries to fire back by stating that St. Pierre is ”the best in the world,” but one does not simply ”out-nice” a Canadian.

I just watched the first official trailer for UFC 153: Silva vs. Bonnar and I’m stoked, Nation. Not because the brief montage of fight film, music and narration fooled me into thinking that Stephan Bonnar somehow isn’t a gigantic underdog against Anderson Silva, but rather because the trailer is so honest about his chances and what we’re likely to see. It’s a nice change of pace.

Check it out above and see what I mean. After injuries jacked up UFC 153′s main event twice as well as the originally scheduled co-main, the UFC did the best they could by getting the world’s best fighter on the card and throwing a fearless, aggressive, entertaining fighter at him. The trailer serves as a reflection of this, as it basically tell fans, “Look, Anderson Silva is probably going to knock Bonnar out and we all know whenever ‘The Spider’ does that it’s hella exciting. But if somehow that doesn’t happen, and Bonnar wins, well that would be as big of an upset as we’ve ever seen, and dang, wouldn’t that be exciting, too? Please watch us. It’s been a rough year.”

Taking an in-depth look into the training and general fight philosophies of the UFC’s biggest stars, The NOC’s “Training Days” series is back, this time profiling UFC lightweight champion Ben Henderson as he prepares to prepare to defend his belt for the second time against Nate Diaz at UFC on FOX 5 in December. You read that correctly.

After scoring a pair of hotly contested wins over former champion Frankie Edgar at UFC 144 and 150, Henderson takes us through his daily training regimen at his gym in Glendale, Arizona. Not yet in full-on “training for Nate” mode, parts one and two give us a look at the intense shadow boxing sessions that Bendo begins each workout with. It’s not exactly the most thrilling routine in the world, but it does give you an idea at the amount of preparation that goes into the average training session of a UFC champion. Hell, you could even put these techniques to practice the next time you find yourself caught in a Taiwanese cage fight with a raged out Billy Blanks.

Part one is above. Check out part two after the jump.

(O’Neill, seen here earning his brown belt the hard way.)

Until Ron Swanson graced the small screen with his mustachioed, government busting, breakfast food-loving presence, Al Bundy was considered to be far and away the manliest man ever created in the history of television, bar none. Perhaps in an attempt to live up to his character’s Polk High legendary athlete status, portraying actor Ed O’Neill took up BJJ some 22 years ago and received his black belt under Rorion Gracie in 2007. An avid MMA fan, we’ve seen O’Neill talk shop with such legends as Chuck Liddell on Fox Sports’ Barfly, but recently, he decided to join Ryron and Rener Gracie for one of their infamous Gracie Breakdowns to discuss and demonstrate Vitor Belfort’s near miracle (or the shortened “nearacle” as we’ve dubbed it) armbar of Jon Jones in the first round of their fight at UFC 152.

And we gotta say, Bundy O’Neill definitely knows his stuff. His assertion that Jones may actually welcome wrist control from the guard as a way of setting up an elbow strike is an incredibly astute observation to make and one I hadn’t personally considered when dissecting Jones’ game, so a kudos is in order for the Emmy-nominated star of Modern Family. Although Vitor has admitted to easing off the armbar when he heard Jones’ arm pop, the Gracies believe that had Jones not attempted to slam his way out of the armbar, Belfort would have never even come close to pulling it off in the first place. We know Jones claimed that he needed to embrace his Jiu-Jitsu a little more after the fight, and perhaps moments like this confirm that, but the fact that the champ was able to submit a black belt like Belfort with a picture perfect Americana shows that he surely knows a thing or two about the ground game when he needs to.

Check out the full video, which also breaks down Jones’ fight-winning Americana, after the jump.

(“Tonight……you.”)

From a writer’s standpoint, there are a couple ways to approach a fight video as clownshit crazy as the one you are about to witness. The first is to provide a play-by-play breakdown of the action in a noble (but ultimately futile) attempt to try and make sense of the lunacy you just witnessed. The other method involves coming to the realization that your words are indeed ultimately futile and that the fight video should simply be digested as is.

It’s safe to say that when this happens before the fight even begins, you must follow the latter method.

Full video after the jump. Trust us, you *need* to see this. 

(We hate to admit when Bisping is right, but we’re suddenly more interested in this fight than those little flyweights.) 

After that old man Dan Henderson ruined our chances of seeing Jon Jones fight someone at least in his weight class at the time at UFC 151, another old man/lion hybrid stepped up when nobody else would, resulting in a much better card and a much needed break heading into this weekend’s UFC 152 event.

And now that you’ve all sufficiently recharged your batteries and disposed of the last of your paychecks, check out a full video of the UFC 152 pre-fight press conference after the jump. As you can see, the staredown between Michael Bisping and Brian Stann gets pretty gosh darn intense for a couple men in three thousand dollar suits. Meanwhile, it appears that Jones has apparently stolen Dave Herman’s beard in an attempt to hide his chin from the dynamite hands of Vitor Belfort. Very clever, Greg. Very clever.

Full video after the jump. 

To say the we like to have our fun at Michael Bisping’s expense would be like saying that Muhammad Ali liked to have his fun at Joe Frazier’s expense. Bisping is a polarizing figure in every sense of the word and one who is not likely to back down in the face of adversity. Therein lies his appeal. So if we could offer any advice to the Bisping haters out there, it would be to stifle said hatred when in “The Count’s” actual presence. Otherwise, you could quickly find yourself on the wrong end of a verbal (not to mention physical) beatdown in the near future.

Take this guy for instance:

As one can deduce from a basic ocular patdown – Skull t-shirt? Check. Dyed hair/soul patch/spray tan combo? Check. A faux gold chain draped over said skull t-shirt? Chiggity check yourself before you wreck yourself, Cotton – this guy knows A LOT about MMA. Hence his decision to heckle Bisping from the crowd during his UFC 152 open workout.

It did not go well.

(Mutton chops: Giving white people the confidence to shake their rump since the 1800′s.) 

It could just be our queasy stomachs, but we’ve begun to feel more and more trepidation when it comes to announcing a scheduled UFC contest these days, because the likelihood of said contest actually coming to fruition seems borderline impossible.

That being said, it will please all of the lumberjacks who happen to read CagePotato to learn that the man with the coolest facial hair in the biz this side of Casey “fagtastic flameathon of facial distortion” Oxendine, Chad Griggs, will be returning to UFC action on November 17th at UFC 154 in Montreal, Canada to face PRIDE veteran Cyrille Diabate. Griggs, who gained notoriety over the past couple years with his decimations of Bobby Lashley, Valentijn Overeem, and Gian Villante, is coming off a first round submission via arm-triangle loss to Travis “Don’t ask, don’t tell” Browne in his UFC debut at UFC 145. Shortly after the loss, Griggs announced that he would in fact be dropping to 205 lbs to face Phil Davis at UFC on FOX 4, but go figure, suffered an injury and was forced to pull out.

Diabate, on the other hand, is coming off a majority decision victory over late replacement Tom DeBlass at UFC on FUEL 2. “The Snake” has gone win-loss in his five fight UFC career and was originally set to face Fabio Maldonado at UFC 153, but again, an injury blah blah blah things are different now.

Diabate has shown a susceptibility to submissions in the past (as well as an inability to last three rounds), so a matchup with a stand-and-bang aficionado like Griggs should be tailor-made for an exciting, if not winnable opportunity for everyone involved.

Who you got for this one, Potato Nation?

After the jump: A video of Griggs’ slugfest with Villante, because it’s arguably the greatest two and a half minute fight you will ever see.

(Step 1: Fake heart attack to lower Anderson’s guard. Step 2: ?????? Step 3: SCORE GREATEST UPSET OF ALL TIME.) 

Admit it: When the new headliner for UFC 153 was first announced, not one of you thought Stephan Bonnar stood a chance of beating Anderson Silva, and you probably still don’t. If you happen to be a bookie, you probably equate the likelihood of Bonnar defeating Silva to that of Bob Sapp defeating adult onset vaginitis.

Well, my friends, prepare to have your minds blown, because Bonnar’s camp just released a video that lays out in intricate detail his plans to dethrone (figuratively speaking) the untouchable legacy of “The Spider” once and for all. We’re not saying it is foolproof, but we are saying that it has no discernible flaws whatsoever and Silva is a dead man.

Video after the jump. 

(It was on this night that Dana realized: No matter how many f-bombs you can get away with in public, one n-bomb will still get you shot.)

As difficult as it is to be a poster-designer for the UFC these days, it seems that it is even more trying to be a fan of the promotion in general, especially one who actually purchases tickets and pay-per-views (chumps). Main events, co-main events, and entire cards are being switcherooed, discombobulated, kerfluffled, skip-skopped, skallywagged, and outright cancelled seemingly willy-nilly, and the constant change of pace is clearly taking its toll on UFC fans around the world.

Realizing the mounting frustration that has taken over our already acrimonious audience, we’ve tried to coax you away from this harsh, unforgiving world of news and enchant you with fancy knockouts, hot chicks, and pot-shots at Jose Canseco to make it all better. Basically, we’ve rubbed some ‘tussin on your open, festering wounds, but as Sam Peebles will tell you, no amount of Bull’s Eye Red Licorice will make up for the fact that you were raped in the library bushes as a child.

…

I forgot where I was going with that analogy, but here’s a supercut of Dana White’s best f-bombs to help get you through this topsy-turvy day in MMA.

(One of these days, Alex, right to the moon!) 

As I’ve discussed before, being a writer for a “comedic” “MMA” website such as CagePotato has its positives and its negatives. The positives, of course, are the legions of swooning, scantily clad women that are literally willing to do anything to meet Jon Jones, Chuck Liddell, or whomever we are claiming to be incredibly close friends with at the time. There are also the lavish cars, houses, and general respect from your peers that have become a staple of the blogger trade to be grateful for.

But perhaps even greater than the constant influx of trim and general swagger that comes hand-in-hand with the MMA blogger lifestyle are the epic knockout videos we get to post whenever we feel like it under the false guise of “journalism.” And with the great injury curse of 2012 once again putting us all in the dumps, today seems perfect for one such occasion, so join us after the jump for a trifecta of KO’s (and even a flying triangle) to help you cope with the fact that yet another UFC event has been temporarily upended.

(The hardest thing to believe about this poster is that the photos of Johnson and Benavidez have not been scaled down whatsoever. True story though.) 

Ever since it was announced that Vitor Belfort would be stepping up to face Jon Jones at UFC 152, the MMA world responded with a mixture of confused apprehension and the outright fear of knowing that Belfort might very well get beaten into a living death before our very eyes. The bookies seemed to agree, listing Bones as high as -1500 over the former heavyweight and light heavyweight champ, which likely had something to do with the fact that Belfort had defected to The Blackzilians in preparation for the bout.

But putting aside the fact that Jon Jones is bigger, younger, and actually manages to show up for the majority of his fights uninjured, the UFC has steamrolled ahead with their promos for UFC 152, trying to convince us that this fight will be closely contested in any way, shape, or form (I really hope I eat crow for this statement), because what other options do they have at this point? Check out the first official promo for UFC 152 after the jump, and let us know if you have taken the bait.

(We should be surprised that not ONE of those dudes is checking out Arianny’s ass, right?) 

I’m going to come right out and say it: I don’t get Dubstep. It’s loud and annoying for the sake of being loud and annoying, and 95% of the songs I have heard seem to aimlessly drift between bass drops and cartoonish, cookie-cutter sound effects blatantly lifted from “artist” to “artist” before coming to a crashing, albeit relieving end. In my opinion, Dubstep is little more than the musical personification of the ever-increasing laziness and style-over-substance attitude of current American society. It is the genre Michael Bay would have created if he wasn’t too busy giving the world cinematic diabetes. So on a musical level, I find pretty much everything that the character known as deadmau5 has created to be utterly incompetent horseshit.

And it appears that his music video for the track “Professional Griefers,” which somehow managed to snag the endorsement of the UFC, falls right in line with that belief.

Not only does the video portray MMA fans as drunken, inbred rednecks, but this Dead Mouse feller even has the balls to replace legendary UFC announcer Bruce Buffer with some roided-up neanderthal behind the mic. But hey, IT’S GOT COMPUTER ANIMATED FIGHTS AND CRASHBOOMRAWR, YOU GUYS!! And Arianny Celeste’s breasts even make an appearance, so it’s all good!

Video after the jump. 

(The gang discusses favorite/greatest MMA fighters. Spoiler alert: You probably don’t agree with them.) 

If you’ve visited CagePotato in the past year or so, you are undoubtedly aware of the entertainment that a roundtable discussion between friends can bring. From memorable fighter run-ins to the P4P baddest motherfuckers ever, we have held many a debate in this fashion, and as is usually the case, the UFC and FuelTV have once again decided to ride in on our coattails. They began with the thoroughly captivating Champions edition, which featured the likes of Forrest Griffin, Jon Jones, Chuck Liddell, and Frank Mir discussing everything from the dark days of the UFC to its meteoric rise, and have continued the series recently with a panel of fighters that can only be described as “legendary.”

Randy Couture, Royce Gracie, Mark Coleman, and Tito Ortiz sit in for this edition, and dish on respect, favorite fighters, regrets, and the time Wanderlei Silva nearly soccer kicked Mike Van Arsdale’s head from his body. Tito Ortiz manages to air out his regrets without once mentioning Affliction or dick pics, and should be commended for his incredible ability to mentally blackout painful memories.

Join us after the jump for a collection of videos featuring the legends talking shop. We know this isn’t exactly breaking news or anything, but it’s real slow out there today, so why not take a trip down memory lane in the meantime?

(We know, guys, we know…)

It doesn’t really matter how we lead into this knockout video, which features Anderson Silva Jr. a.k.a Michael Page at his highlighty best during a mixed rules bout at last weekend’s UCMMA 29 card. These words are ultimately meaningless; they might as well be gobbledygook. Because this knockout, though outstanding in its own right, barely stands a chance of distracting you from the bombshell that was dropped this afternoon. To sum things up using the words of the people who occupy my Twitter feed: No UFC 151. No Christmas. God is dead. Jon Jones is an scaredy-cat, punk-bitch, fake champ. Greg Jackson is a yoda-looking, wet blanket, douchenozzle. Etc, etc…

Check it out. Or don’t. Apathy has overwhelmed me. Walla, walla, walla peas and carrots.

Video after the jump. 

It might take Real Crime’s documentary on the biggest cash heist in British history some thirty minutes to get to former UFC fighter Lee Murray, but that doesn’t make it any less entertaining. Detailing the intricate, if not mismanaged, raid of the Medway cash depot in Kent, South East England on February 22nd, 2006, Real Crime provides an enthralling look back at the whos, wheres, and hows of the meticulously planned heist unlike any other documentary in recent memory.

Managing to get interviews with everyone from Colin Dixon, the manager of the depot who was held hostage along with his family and coworkers, to Dave O’Donnell, an English fight promoter who simply cannot speak highly enough of Murray despite the evidence at hand, this documentary labels Murray “the mastermind” behind the entire escapade, which resulted in the theft of over 53 million pounds (84 million dollars). Murray and his gang utilized prosthetic masks, fake police uniforms, hidden cameras, and an arsenal of weapons that would make the cast of Predator blush to pull off their crime, only to be caught within the four months that followed it. Murray was sentenced to 10 years in Moroccan prison for his role in the heist, where he managed to pull off an even greater one: fathering a child and skipping out on the alimony payments LIKE A BOSS.

Unfortunately, the documentary fails to provide any insight regarding “Lightning’s” back alley brawl with Tito Ortiz, which is what we all really want to know about. But check out the video above, which features several highlights from Murray’s fight with Anderson Silva, and learn yourself something new. Who knows, maybe you can use this information to one day pull off an even greater robbery and actually get away with it. May the force be with you.

After the jump: A full video of Murray vs. Silva, because we’ve got to make this MMA-related somehow.

(Props: AllTheBestFights)

Ronaldo Souza‘s recent fights have proven that his standup skills are catching up with his tremendous ability on the mat — and his striking improvement reached an important milestone on Saturday night, when he scored the first lights-out K.O. of his nine-year fight career.

“Jacare” faced 9-1 Jackson’s MMA product Derek Brunson on the main card of Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman, and in Liddell-esque fashion, Souza found his opponent’s chin with a back-pedaling counter-right that dumped Brunson on his face. A few more follow-up shots, and it was all over. Even more impressive than Souza’s finishing power was the fact that he stopped throwing as soon as he saw that Brunson was unconscious — even if referee Mike “Stache God” Beltran clearly wanted the fight to keep going.

But Souza vs. Brunson wasn’t the only great knockout from this weekend’s Strikeforce card. After the jump: Ovince St. Preux’s one-punch shutoff of T.J. Cook.

Not to come off sounding like a bunch of know-it-alls, but we’re pretty sure we’ve figured out the formula to make the perfect trailer for any upcoming UFC event. It’s simple really:

1. Pick out the best highlights of the champion destroying his former opponents, preferably in slow-mo

2. Insert Joe Rogan quote, something about said champ being “untouchable” or “the greatest”

3. Fade in “Lux Aeterna” by Clint Mansell, usually the orchestral Lord of the Rings version

4. BIG, BOLD TEXT DECLARING THAT THE CHALLENGER IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BREED OF ANIMAL

5. As the song enters its second half, cut to several clips of the challenger destroying his former opponents, now in real or even sped up time.

6. Mike Goldberg yelling “Oh my” or “It is all over!”

7. Close on a dramatic, sudden cut to the event text/details.

The marketing department behind the UFC 151 promo clearly adhered to this formula, resulting in a trailer that will undoubtedly get your panties, your wife’s panties, and your slutty mistresses crotchless panties all bunched up in anticipation for the blood-soaked throwdown that will be Jones vs. Henderson on September 1st.

Check it out after the jump.

Regardless of whether or not you feel Frankie Edgar truly deserved an immediate rematch with Benson Henderson after their epic clash at UFC 144, this rematch is going to happen this weekend, barring any last minute injuries, so you’ll just have to deal with it.

In all honesty, Edgar/Bendo II is perhaps the perfect main event to follow up UFC on FOX 4, as it will surely continue to deliver on the action-packed slugfests that its preceding event provided. And while we’re on the subject of UFC on FOX 4, check out a behind-the-scenes look at the event provided by the almighty Danavlog. It’s got everything: Damarques Johnson asking “What the hell happened?”, Ryan Bader asking “What the hell happened?”, and even Brandon Vera asking “What the hell happened?” Valentine McKee would’ve been proud.

So give that a gander if you would be so kind, and if you’re looking to get properly amped for this weekend’s events, down your first 5-hour energy of the day and check out the full Countdown to UFC 150 videos detailing the Bendo/Edgar, Cerrone/Guillard, and Ed Herman/Jake Shields fights after the jump.

(Props: SUPAFIGHTLEAGUE)

“They brought me into this fight as a fish for Shogun to eat.”

So said Brandon Vera during yesterday’s hour-long “UFC’s Road to the Octagon” special on FOX, which previewed next weekend’s UFC on FOX: Shogun vs. Vera card in Los Angeles. Vera is well aware that few people are giving him a chance in the night’s headliner — especially considering that he hasn’t had an impressive victory in over three years — but the opportunity to fight Shogun and return to elite-fighter status has given him new motivation for training.

As you can imagine, Shogun has no interest in becoming the co-star in Vera’s Cinderella story. “I’m not going to be the one to bring Brandon Vera back,” he says. And if Rua wins, he’ll likely get another shot at the light-heavyweight belt, where he’d either fight a guy who already crushed him, or a guy who beat him up for the majority of a five-round war. I know, don’t get us started.

(Hello Quinton, Areva Mookjai here with the Thailand Lady-Boy Observer, I was just wondering if…wow, you go right after it, don’t you?)

We almost feel silly reporting on this, being that there is no way in hell this quarrel will actually be settled in the near future, but just in case you haven’t heard, Quinton Jackson and Chael Sonnen are apparently not a fan of one another, you guys. If you recall, during our thrilling interview with Page a couple of months ago, Jackson stated that he thought Sonnen was “a fool” and was tired of people asking him questions about the former middleweight title challenger on Twitter.

This is where we’d normally say something like, “Time has a way of healing all wounds,” but then of course, we wouldn’t be talking about Rampage Jackson, a man who seemingly has a gripe with everyone and everything from American fans to the UFC to driving down the correct side of a freeway. During a brief interview with MMAElite.net, Jackson aired out his dirty laundry in regards to Sonnen, claiming that he should “leave the UFC because that’s what he said he was going to do if he lost.” Also, “F*ck Chael.” While the former remark could be passed off as a simple criticism, the latter not so much:

Join us after the jump for Chael’s response, which is a doozy. 

(The super absorbent Shampow belt currently sells for $19.95, but if you call within the next ten minutes, because we can’t do this all day, we’ll throw in a baby for just the price of shipping and handling.) 

It has been a very frustrating couple of years for M-1 Light Heavyweight champion and TUF 8 finalist Vinny Magalhaes. After winning the M-1 belt with a mounted gogoplata submission over Victor Nemkov in April of 2011, then defending it with a head kick TKO of Mikhail Zayats the following October, Magalhaes found himself in a bit of contract limbo with the well documented shysters at M-1. In short, they refused to offer him any more fights under his current contract while simultaneously trying to ink him a new one. Like we said, shysters.

Anyway, after nearly a year on the shelf, Magalhaes got desperate. So desperate, in fact, that he tried selling his belt on Ebay, which was valued at an astounding $99,999 before it was suddenly pulled off the market for reasons that have yet to be explained. However, it appears that Vinny has finally reached an agreement (re: his mercifully release) with his M-1 counterparts, as word has broke that the champ, who has gone 7-1 since being ousted from the UFC following a pair of losses to Ryan Bader and Elliot Marshall, will return to the sport’s highest promotion at UFC 151, which goes down from the Mandalay Bay in Vegas on September 1st. His opponent has yet to be named, but Tatame has the scoop:

Vinny “Pezao” Magalhaes is back to the UFC. The light heavyweight, who lost to Ryan Bader on the TUF 8 Finale, signed a contract with the organization and is set to fight at UFC 151, on September 1^st, TATAME learned with sources.

Videos of Magalhaes’ title win and defense await you after the jump, along with the skinny on a potential signing in the UFC’s flyweight division.

(Shit happens when Brett Rogers is your sponsor.) 

It seems that we’ve had to deal with the issue of child abuse more and more over the past few weeks here at CagePotato. You may recall the woman in St. Louis who videotaped her infant daughter’s decaweight debut and provided such insightful ringside commentary as “Ball up some fists!” as one instance of this. But today, Potato Nation, we’ve come across the classiest child abuse video of them all. We’re talking a top of the line, Armani-suited business moguls shrouded in darkness and purchasing sex slaves that were kidnapped at the airport level of class on display here. This is the Rolls-Royce of child abuse videos, if you will. In fact, the level of class in this child abuse video is so high, that it might not be considered child abuse at all.

It’s disorienting, we know, because typically, when treated to a video of a 6 year old and a 7 year old throwing down in a cage, your first reaction would probably be that of outrage. Toss in the fact that it took place in Armenia, at a bar surrounded by drunken patrons huffing cigars and cheering them on, your anger would likely jump up a few notches. But then you take a look at the awesome production value (yes, those are *actual* flames in the beginning), the adorable weigh-ins/staredown, and the scaled down ring, and you almost forget that you’re about to watch two kids beat the piss out of each other for entertainment. Or that a promotion exists out there that will allow this to happen.

So goes the story of ArmFC, an upstart and soon to be shut down promotion that recently forayed into the art of child fighting. And although the promotion insists that we are actually watching a “demonstration of the fight” on the Youtube page in which they posted this video, the fact that the first four words of the video’s description are “death 6 years fighter” leads us to believe that those running this promotion have a tenuous grasp on the English language in general. So by “demonstration”, they likely mean “we didn’t allow them to dip their gloves in candle wax and broken glass beforehand this time.”

Video after the jump. 

(What?! You mean no more of this?! This isn’t happening. THIS ISN’T HAPPENING!!!) 

For those of you who didn’t have the patience, the cable package, or the right list of websites to steal last night’s UFC on FUEL event from, we are sorry to inform you that you missed out on one hell of a show. James Te Huna and Joey Beltran set the UFC record for most significant strikes landed within a three round light heavyweight affair at 206, unfortunately giving us cancer in the process. Te Huna also set a record for most significant strikes landed in one round by a light heavyweight with 71 in the first. In the main event, Chris Weidman made Mark Munoz look like Houston Alexander on the mat*, holding him to zero significant strikes en route to a beautiful standing elbow KO in the second round ala Steve Bosse vs, you guessed it, Houston Alexander. Apparently under the belief that Weidman had covered his gloves in smelling salts, referee Josh Rosenthal allowed the New Yorker to land about a dozen or more unnecessary shots to a clearly unconscious and exponentially bleeding Munoz, causing this writer to scream at his television in honest to God horror for the first time in recent memory. As is usually the case with a free card, last night contained its fair share of ups and downs.

But perhaps the most disorienting moment of the night (aside from the few seconds I thought we had seen the last of Mark Munoz) came during the post-fight show, which featured Jay Glazer, Chael Sonnen, and CagePotato contributor/future UFC HOFer Stephan Bonnar. When the three finally calmed down and Sonnen had finished stroking Weidman’s ego with the fervor of a Taiwanese transsexual prostitute, Ariel Helwani was able to snag a short interview with UFC bossman Dana White. After White announced the coaches for The Ultimate Fighter: Billy no-mates vs. Banana Benders, Helwani proceeded to ask about the futures of the fighters that sat just a few feet behind him.

White declared that “He hadn’t even talked to Chael yet” and that “Only [Chael] knows what he wants to do,” but the real bombshell was dropped when White was asked about Bonnar. After skewering, then roasting Bonnar’s dreams of coaching the next season of The Ultimate Fighter opposite Forrest Griffin over an open flame, White claimed that the last time he and “The American Psycho” spoke, Bonnar was considering retirement.

What followed was a heartfelt, if not mildly confusing speech by Bonnar that more or less confirmed this.

(FoGriff: A laid back guy in every sense of the word.) 

Watching Matt Serra and Forrest Griffin discuss anything from their past fights to the condition of Griffin’s car (which makes me feel a hell of a lot better about the condition of my own) is kind of like watching an Abbott and Costello movie, minus the mythological creatures and slapstick hijinks, of course. The two effortlessly riff off one another like a pair of old pals, which makes Serra’s recent trip to Vegas to film his ongoing series for the UFC, Fight Camp Insider, all the more entertaining.

Taking the typical “light on actual fight discussion, heavy on pizza discussion” approach that Serra has mastered in previous outings, the pair of former champions also make sure to discuss such topics as the shrinkage caused by an ice bath (which I can only assume must be insane), FoGriff’s Ted Bundy-esque mode of transportation, and the ability of Ray Longo to clear a house using only the power of his mighty deuces. Oh yeah, and they manage to find enough time to briefly hype Forrest’s upcoming trilogy match with Tito Ortiz at UFC 148.

Video after the jump. 

(Triangle defense sold separately.) 

We first caught a glimpse of the incredible human Whack-a-Mole style training device designed by Nexersys when Matt Serra took us on a tour of Chael Sonnen’s house in between trips to the deli to get some nice gabagool. Chael could not speak highly enough of the revolutionary piece of equipment, so much so that he recently decided to appear in an ad for the product. Sort of.

Basically, the “ad” is nothing more than the “Oregon Gangster” riffing on prison politics and how awesome he is for just under a minute. He not once mentions the product at hand, or even how it works, but that kind of frivolous information is best left for the puny-brained weaklings who think that a few push-ups a day will transform them into the next Ultimate Fighter. So goes the reasoning of Chael P. Sonnen.

Video after the jump. 

(Were you the country bumpkin that called me a Guido, or was it Hughes?) 

It might be just me, but every time I see or even hear Matt Serra on camera, I expect him to have a trio of deli meats clenched in one fist and a bottle of Patron in the other. He exudes the Long Island Italian meathead stereotype more than any other professional fighter out there, and although I normally despise those people, I can’t help but laugh when he launches into his shtick. It’s kind of like how if you were to take Sofia Vergara’s voice and implant it into anyone else but her, the results would be gratingly annoying rather than hilarious and enthralling.

Whether you agree or not with the above statement will likely impact your excitement to learn that “The Terra” recently…hosted (?) a video blog for the UFC called Fight Camp Insider. And wouldn’t you know it, Serra managed to not only snag fellow wordsmith Chael Sonnen for an interview, he ended up spending the whole day with him. Needless to say, a good time was had by all.

Video and a recanting of the events after the jump. 

(Rule #1 Tito: ALWAYS check for an Adam’s apple before you make your move.) 

When we first heard that former UFC lightweight champion Tito Ortiz had purchased Oscar De La Hoya’s training compound, with only one fight left in his career, mind you, we just wrote it off as the kind of business decision that got him fired by Donald Trump. But if you know anything about “The People’s Champ,” you know that the guy more than makes up for his interview skills with business savvy. We may not be sure of the exact figure Tito dropped on this Big Bear Lake-side abode, but you only need to catch a glimpse of the place to realize it was worth it.

Fair warning: the euphoric feeling you will receive as the incredibly gorgeous, CagePotato-loving Corissa Furr leads you around this rustic villa on the latest episode of Ultimate Insider will immediately be followed by the crushing realization that you will NEVER live in a place so nice no matter how hard you try.

Video after the jump.