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Tag: MMA

The Greatest Erotic MMA Fan Fiction of All Time


(Come up with your own caption, perverts. / Photo via Getty)

UFC Fight Night 56 happened last night and it was pretty boring. During the lull in action, we wondered if there was a prominent MMA fan fiction scene. It turns out there was! The only drawback: A vast majority of the stories featured prominent fighters having sex with other prominent fighters.

We’re not really sure how to say this with our characteristic irreverent tone, so we’re just going to flat out say it: There’s a shit load of MMA slash fic out there. We found it. It’s…well, you need to see for yourself. We don’t like to exaggerate in the headlines but this stuff is far out.

Please don’t construe this as us trying to insult the author. We’re the guys who watch Ultimate Surrender, so we can’t judge how anyone gets their rocks off. We just thought these stories were kind of funny. We think it’s great someone is passionate enough about MMA to write this kind of stuff, honestly. Here are some excerpts from the more wild stories:

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OSP vs. Shogun: Actual (LEGAL) Footage of the Brutal Finish

Sometimes we hate being right. Last night on Twitter, we predicted Ovince St. Preux would run through Mauricio “Shogun” Rua without effort. We had no idea how prescient our tweet would be.

As you can see above, OSP dispatched the Pride legend without even exerting himself. It only took 34 seconds. To make it worse, Shogun absorbed a ton of unnecessary damage as Mario Yamasaki let OSP batter the Brazilian’s skull. Such slack-jawed gawking aside, this fight was entertaining for the violent spectacle that it was. OSP isn’t a man to write off, and Shogun definitely needs to retire in this point.

There were some other fights last night as well, but they weren’t really anything to write home about (and if you did wrote home about them, you’d get a reply that’s like “What are you talking about? Who the fuck are these people?”). But in case you’re one of the TRUE HARDCORE ULTIMATE BAD BOYZ who comments about how much we hate MMA on our Facebook page, we’ll post the card’s full results. Check them out after the jump.

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ICYMI: Ian McCall Actually ISN’T Fighting Tonight Due to Illness

UFC Fight Night 56 just lost its co-main event: Ian McCall vs. John Lineker.

The UFC made an announcement about McCall’s condition earlier this morning, stating that McCall had “taken ill” after the weigh ins in Brazil and withdrew as a result.

There is no replacement for McCall, so Lineker just won’t fight and Alan Jouban vs. Warlley Alves will be upgraded to co-main event.

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The UFC Needs to Massively Scale Down The Amount of PPVs Each Year


(“PPV buys are higher than ever, dummies. These goofy Internet fucks know NOTHING. Everything is fine.”—Dana White doing his best impersonation of this guy. / Photo via Getty)

By Mike Fagan

Cain Velasquez became another victim (again) of the UFC’s so-called “injury bug,” pulling out of UFC 180 with a knee injury. This is great news for people who want to see a weirdo holding a UFC heavyweight title as Mark Hunt stepped in to fight original challenger Fabricio Werdum. This is bad news for fans who want to watch the greatest heavyweight talent in the sport since Fedor Emelianenko. It’s horrible news for the UFC, who set up this event in Mexico City to both help cultivate the Mexican market and provide a similar atmosphere for Velasquez that Conor McGregor received in Ireland earlier this year.

It’s another blow to the UFC’s pay-per-view business. UFC Chairman and CEO Lorenzo Fertitta told Sports Business Daily that “about 80 percent” of fights they wanted to put on have been cancelled. That’s probably an exaggeration (at least if we’re looking at the entirety of the UFC’s matchmaking), but the reality isn’t much better. Of the 14 events including and between UFC 168 and UFC 181 (including the cancelled UFC 176), only five have escaped an injury to a fighter in either the main or co-main event. That is, 64% of UFC PPVs within that timeframe have had alterations or cancellations to one of the featured bouts at the top of the card.

Combined with the loss of Georges St-Pierre (quasi-retirement) and Anderson Silva (wishboned leg), the injuries at the top of marquee events have led the UFC to its worst year on pay-per-view since 2005. In 2005, the UFC ran six pay-per-view events for a total of 950,000 buys and an average of 158,000 per event. This year hasn’t been that bad (2.22M total buys/277,500 per event), but that’s far below the “down years” of 2011-13. (It should be noted that those “down years” are in line with the total PPV business the UFC did prior to the 2009-10 Lesnar Era.)

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And Now He’s “Semi-Retired”: Martin Kampmann’s Indecisive Retirement Speech

Remember Martin Kampmann, Potato Chips (that’s what we call our fans now).

Seeing as he hasn’t fought in over a year, we kind of almost forgot he existed.

If you’re struggling to remember, Kampmann hasn’t fought since a 2013 TKO loss to Carlos Condit. Before that, he was knocked out by Johny Hendricks at UFC 154 in 2012.

Despite the inactivity and two-fight losing streak, Kampmann isn’t done (yet). He told MMA Fighting the following…

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Cringe-worthy Interview of the Day: CBS Interviews Arianny Celeste

Have you ever felt you were destined to be far more than just a model? More than just a pretty face gracing the covers of magazines?

Well Arianny Celeste did!

That’s why a local CBS affiliate in Las Vegas interviewed the ring card girl (which is like 20,000 steps above “model” on the hierarchy). Perhaps the worst/best part of the interview is the first 30-40 seconds where the host gives Arianny the most laughable, over-the-top introduction of all time. Here’s a transcript:

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Here’s What a UFC Magic the Gathering Set Looks Like

You didn’t hear about Dana White’s latest announcement: An MMA-related Magic the Gathering set?

Well,there’s a reason you didn’t hear about it: It didn’t happen. Thankfully, one of our favorite past times is figuring out what products should needlessly be merged with our MMA obsession. A few days ago, we arrived at Magic the Gathering (MTG for short). We played the addictive card game back in high school. We wondered what a set of MTG that spans the entire MMA world might look like. The below cards–featuring the likes of Dana White, Conor McGregor, Greg Jackson, as well as several “MMA memes”–are the result of our mental meandering.

A few notes: We haven’t played Magic in about 10 years so some of the gameplay semantics might not be totally accurate. Also, some of the abilities are for the purposes of chiding MMA as only irreverent CagePotato can. All real photos in the cards come from Getty Images, save for the photo of “Minowaman” Ikuhisa Minowa, which comes from Sherdog. Another card’s image comes from a YouTube screen capture (you’ll know which one).

With that, here are the cards. We hope you enjoy them:

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Weekend Roundup: Ex-WSOF Champ *Throws* Fight, God-Awful Tattoos, UFC Overload & More


(Photo via Getty)

By Alex Giardini

The weekend is in the books, and although many of you were indulging in baseball playoffs and college football madness, there was plenty of MMA to equally boast and complain about. Apart from the always-vibrant regional circuit, which included MFC 41 and SFL 35 last Saturday night (watch a dude go through the cage door looking like he was on the wrong end of a Stone Cold Stunner right here), there were four major MMA shows taking place in 48 hours, two of which came from the same promotion that may or may not be ruining the sport with its inflated and overstressed schedule.

To top it all off, there were also a handful of stories outside the cage to boast about, some amusing and some downright miserable.

Here is the Cage Potato “Weekend Roundup,” and quite frankly, the only recap you need:

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Save 5 Hours and Watch This Rory MacDonald vs. Tarec Saffiedine Full Fight Video Highlight

Rory MacDonald beat Tarec Saffiedine pretty handily last night at UFC Fight Night 54. He out-pointed the Belgian in the first and second rounds, then finished the fight in the third with an uppercut and some nice ground and pound. But don’t read about us telling you the results, see it above for yourself with the actual full-fight video highlights from the event.

Of course, the best part of the fight didn’t make the video: MacDonald’s RIDICULOUSLY awkward post-fight celebration. Yeah, wow.

Did anything else cool happen?

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UFC Fight Night 54 Results: Recapping the Fights You Care About

UFC Fight Night 54 was the second card in a Saturday double-header. In the main event, Rory MacDonald took on Tarec Saffiedine.

The only “big” fight on the prelims was between Daron Cruickshank and Anthony Njokuani. The fight started with about a minute and a half of evenly-matched striking. Cruickshank managed to double-leg Njokuani but couldn’t keep him on the ground for long. Cuickshank was more aggressive in the striking for the next few minutes, throwing a more diverse array of attacks and just more strikes in general. He used these strikes to get Njokuani off balance and turn a high-crotch single leg into a wonderful slam. Cruickshank finished the first round on top in Njokuani’s guard.

In the second round, Cruickshank tried a takedown, which was blocked. He followed that up with this crazy jumping roundhouse that Njokuani simply sidestepped. It seemed as if Cruickshank’s takedowns made Njokuani afraid to open up. Then Cruickshank hit a gorgeous flying knee. Somehow Njokuani survived it. Cruickshank took him down off the flying knee but then landed an accidental illegal knee to Njokuani’s head. Dan Miragliotta briefly stopped the fight then stood him up. However, this made no difference as Cruickshank shot in for a successful double leg takedown afterward. Njokuani fought to his feet and landed a couple of decent shots. Cruickshank landed several of his own not long after. Cruickshank seemed to get the better of the exchanges throughout the rest of the second round.

A right hand from Njokuani buckled Cruickshank early in the third, but then Cruickshank landed an overhand right of his own to even the score. Cruickshank scored with a great spinning back kick to the body as well. Cruickshank took Njokuani down with a minute left in the fight. Njokuani nearly sunk in an armbar but it was too little, too late. Cruickshank won via unanimous decision.

Get the recap of the rest of the event after the jump.

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