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Tag: MMA

BJ Penn to Possibly Form Cult, Lead Unholy Army of Martial Arts Instructors

BJ Penn MMA UFC Live Like a Champion
("Child-brides welcome!")

Just because you’re a martial arts master who’s been teaching a specific fighting style for years, it doesn’t mean you can’t learn a lot from BJ Penn. In fact, Penn would like to help 300 hand-picked martial arts instructors improve their minds, bodies, and spirits through a year-long training camp in Hawaii called "The Live Like a Champion Project." (The press release is after the jump, in case you don’t feel like clicking on that link.) This is troubling for a number of reasons:

1) So basically, the Prodigy is luring the world’s most skilled fighters to an extended stay at his shadowy island fortress. Yes, that’s the exact plot of Enter the Dragon.

2) It’s such a perfect expression of BJ’s hubris. Penn has gained fame as a brilliant fighter, but he’s not really known as a talented teacher. (Sorry, Rude Boy, it’s not your fault.) Yet he feels he’s qualified to tell hundreds of instructors how to do their jobs. Particularly, he aims to train the minds of these people. The irony of a blood-licking crybaby obsessive holding seminars on inner tranquility is apparently lost on him.

3) The fact that the program requires its participants to spend a full year in Hawaii will generally attract men without families, who have no problem quitting their paying job and living off the food and shelter that Penn gives them — in other words, disturbed loners who will be easily influenced by the Jim Jones-like sway of BJ. Okay fine, I’ll spell it out for you: BJ Penn is obviously trying to start his own cult. Check out his Christ-like pose in the above image. You wouldn’t drink cyanide-laced coconut milk for this man? Of course, before the mass suicides, the Penntown 300 could be sent on revenge missions against Georges St. Pierre and Keith Kizer. Far-fetched? Maybe. But don’t say you haven’t been warned.

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Famous Last Words: The Video


(Props: TheGarv)

My goodness, Bobby Lashley is one large man. And Jason Guida is one brave/stupid one. You get the feeling that as a child, Guida would entertain himself by throwing rocks at wasps’ nests, because "wasps ain’t shit." Anyway, feel free to skip to the faceoff at the 3:08 mark, which leads to a nice little face-shove by Lashley at 3:59. It’s almost worth shelling out the $29.95 to see this one on pay-per-view — and definitely worth watching it on the Internet for free the next morning.

Also: Jeff Monson, who will be fighting Roy Nelson on Saturday night, couldn’t make it to yesterday’s "March Badness" press conference because he was involved in a minor car accident. (Ex-girlfriend cut his brake lines, maybe?) In the video after the jump, we see that even his own team is tired of his bullshit at this point.

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MMA = Good, High School Cagefighting as Punishment = Bad


(I don’t like that smirk on your face, four-eyes.  You.  Me.  Cage.  Now.)

With every good idea, there always have to be some idiots who come along and screw it up for everyone.  The Greeks go and invent democracy, and then a few thousand years later "American Idol" pops up and demonstrates its flaws. 

Former principal Donald Moten and the jerks at South Oak Cliff High School in Dallas, Texas are the latest to mess up a beautiful concept, since they decided that it would be a good idea to put problem students in a cage and make them fight it out bare-fisted to settle disputes.  And they actually thought they wouldn’t get in a world of trouble for this, somehow.  Christ, even the warden in “Cool Hand Luke” gave the guys boxing gloves.

Thanks to barstoolsports (via Doyle) we were turned on to this story in the Dallas Morning News, which cites reports of two years worth of totally illegal and unethical fights:

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Famous Last Words: Jason Guida Edition

Jason Guida MMA Bobby Lashley 
"MMA is new to Bobby. I don’t have anything against him. Someday he could be good for MMA. I welcome him, after I beat him, to work at our club (Hellhouse) to learn how to fight. Lashley’s going to find out that this is MMA not WWE. He’s in for a rude awakening, which probably will be a good thing — he’ll be fighting a real MMA guy…This is for real. How long have you been faking? How long in the WWE? How long has it been since somebody hit you on the chin for real?"

Jason Guida, quoted at yesterday’s "March Badness" press conference. The 17-19 fighter hopes to snap a three-fight losing streak against former WWE star Bobby Lashley (1-0) this Saturday night in Pensacola, Florida. The fact that Lashley is a jacked 250-pounder and Guida is a pudgy light-heavyweight doesn’t seem to bother him, but oh man is this going to be a massacre. Our only hope is that Guida has a chance to do his "disappearing mouthpiece" trick during the fight. Always a crowd-pleaser…

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Is Affliction Going Kamikaze to Screw with UFC 100?


(Whaddaya say, Baby Face, feel like taking a pay cut and burning some bridges?)

According to FiveOuncesofPain, Affliction is looking at holding their third event on July 11, 2009.  If you’re thinking that this date sounds familiar for some reason, congratulations, you are an astute observer!  Yeah, July 11 is when UFC 100 is.  And it’s kind of a big deal to the UFC.  So why would Affliction guarantee that their event gets counter-programmed by scheduling it on the same night as one of the biggest UFC cards ever?  Possibly because they know they’re done and want to hurt the UFC however they can on the way out.

That’s what Sam Caplan thinks, anyway.  According to his report Affliction is offering “restructured” contracts to their fighters (read: asking them to fight cheap) in the hopes of lowering overhead costs and getting the event on network TV or basic cable.  They know that no pay-per-view distributor wants to go head to head with the UFC, but if they can offer their show up for free they figure it might hurt the UFC’s PPV buys just a little, and what the hell, Affliction isn’t looking to promote any events after this one anyway.

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Heads-Up: Sengoku ‘Seventh Battle’ Kicks Off Late Thursday Night


("The Year of the Mo: Part One," courtesy of Esther Lin.)

With no UFC event scheduled until April 1st’s UFC Fight Night: Condit vs. Kampmann, the MMA world feels like a bit of a wasteland lately. But if you get HDNet in your cable package, you’re in for a treat. Sengoku: Seventh Battle goes down Friday at the Yoyogi National Gymnasium in Tokyo, and will be broadcast live on HDNet beginning at 3 a.m. ET/midnight PT. (So, late Thursday night, in other words.) A replay is scheduled for Friday night at 10 p.m. ET/7 p.m. PT, in case you forget to set your DVR, or you’re too poor to afford one or something.

Sengoku 7 features the first round of the league’s featherweight grand prix — which includes #7-ranked featherweight Hatsu Hioki, undefeated Nova Uniao prospect Marlon Sandro, UFC vet Michihiro Omigawa, and former Shooto champ Hideki Kadowaki — as well as a headlining light-heavyweight scrap between King Mo and Pancrase vet Ryo Kawamura, and James Thompson‘s latest attempt to participate in a fight that doesn’t turn into an utter fiasco. The official bout order is after the jump, courtesy of Nightmare of Battle. Will any of the gaijins fail as hard as David Gardner did at the last DREAM show? Tune in to find out!

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Must-See: Franky Van Hove, the One-Legged MMA Fighter

Our buddy Robert at FreeFightVideos sent us these strange clips with this note: "This is as far as I know the first physically handicapped MMA fighter. His name is Franky Van Hove. His nickname is "The submission King" and he hails from Holland." Damn. Mad respect for trying? We can’t find a pro record for Van Hove, but apparently he’s also a competitive grappler, where he’s had a little more success. You can watch him choke out a couple of opponents here and here.

Previously: Sign of the Apocalypse #631: Dwarf Cage Fighting

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Bummer Alert: Charles ‘Mask’ Lewis’s Last Night on Earth

Charles Lewis Mask Tapout tribute shrine MMA
(Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

In a new tribute/report titled "The Man That Was ‘Mask’," Sherdog adds some backstory to the tragic death of TapouT founder Charles Lewis Jr. As it turns out, Lewis was as sober as Jeffrey Kirby was drunk, and the street-racing theory is probably off-base as well. Here’s what we know now:

[Lewis] was on his way home from the gym with his girlfriend Lacey at 1 a.m., the only time he could fit working out into a hectic schedule. Lewis took pride in his deceiving physique, and many questioned if he was really 45 years old, even after officials confirmed it.
 
That night, Lewis and Lacey had decided to drive by a condominium apartment they had been looking into purchasing over the next few days. It is believed Lewis’ fire-engine red Ferrari occupied the middle lane when Jeffery Kirby and his companion came up along the left side in a white 1977 Porsche. At the scene, black skid marks snake up onto the median’s curb right as the road bends slightly, then drag for 500 or more feet across the three lanes. They indicate Kirby’s car bounced off the road’s island divider before t-boning into Lewis’ vehicle’s backend, sending the Ferrari into a 180-degree spin. The car traveled backwards before the driver’s side wailed directly into a cement light pole, slicing it into two parts.
 
It was the first time in a few months that Lewis had had the opportunity to enjoy the luxury ride he’d purchased over a year ago. The car had slept at a friend’s showroom until Lewis had been asked to bring it to a photo shoot that day for Dub magazine. High speeds didn’t seem unfathomable under the circumstances, though friends said they couldn’t see Lewis engaging in a dangerous street race for superiority. Lewis didn’t know Kirby, nor was Lewis believed to be drinking at the time. Lewis never touched alcohol, as many will attest.

A criminal trial for Kirby is tentatively scheduled for next month.

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Bet on Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 94? You’re Still Screwed


(You guys know this thing doesn’t even count, right?)

When the Nevada State Athletic Commission ruled yesterday to change Karo Parisyan’s decision win over Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 94 into a “no decision” on account of the various painkillers running through Parisyan’s veins at the time of the fight, I wondered the same thing I always wonder: how does this affect me?

As you may recall, I put a bet down on Kim when I was going crazy in Vegas the day before UFC 94.  I lost and was forced to dance for nickels under a bridge just to get enough money to make it home.  But with the bout result changed, did the MGM Grand now owe me my money back?  Were they also on the hook for the price of the tetanus shot I had to get when I got home (those nickels aren’t clean, no matter what anyone tells you)?  

I didn’t know, so I called the MGM Grand.  Turns out, they didn’t really know either.  After a lengthy back and forth, they gave up and told me to call the sportsbook at the Mirage, whose policies the MGM Grand follows on this sort of thing.  So I did.  I called the Mirage and got transferred around a bunch.  I got told several different times that the sportsbook didn’t take calls, but my question confused enough people, and eventually they put me through to the sportsbook, where my hopes were immediately shot down.

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Dean Lister Proves You Can Go Home Again


(Worst Affliction t-shirt ever?  Or best Slash t-shirt ever?)

Following his dismal performance at UFC 92 and subsequent release from the UFC (at his request, which is like telling your boss you quit immediately after he’s discovered that you’ve been stealing), Dean Lister is headed back where he belongs: grappling tournaments.  Lister will be back at the Abu Dhabi’s and word has it that he’s angling for a move up in weight to take on Fedor Emelianenko, who’s expected to enter this year.

On one hand, it’s good to see Lister back in his element.  As great a submissions fighter as he is, he’s not much of an MMA fighter at this point.  He tried to pull guard on Yushin Okami for three rounds and got a chorus of boos for his trouble.  He then apologized to his fans while reminding us that he could kick all of our asses, just in case you were in any danger of feeling sympathy for him.

But Lister is a middleweight.  Fedor is a heavyweight.  Even if he weren’t also one of the best fighters on the planet, the weight difference is already a huge advantage.  But would it be pretty awesome to see Fedor in a pure grappling match against one of America’s best pure grapplers?  It would.  He tapped out his brother with no problem, but "The Boogeyman" has a significantly better grappling resume.  He is also free of blood-borne diseases (sorry, had to do it).

Regardless, a Fedor/Lister grappling match has the potential to get even the more casual MMA viewers slightly interested in the Abu Dhabi’s.  And that’s without the brutal violence of MMA, Bob Reilly.  What now?

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