Steroids in MMA
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The 10 Fastest & Most Furious Knockouts of All Time: Azeredo vs. Kotani

MMA Knockouts Fast & Furious UFC videos

#10: Luiz Azeredo vs. Naoyuki Kotani @ PRIDE Bushido 9 (9/25/05), 11 seconds

The unspoken first rule of Chute Boxe seems to be, “When you’ve got a guy hurt, hurt him worse.” Representing the notoriously aggressive Brazilian camp at PRIDE’s 2005 lightweight tournament was Luiz “The Joker” Azeredo, who may as well have taken a baseball bat to the ring with him during his quarterfinal match against Naoyuki Kotani. Azeredo wastes no time in dazing the Japanese fighter with a dead-on right straight, then place-kicks Kotani’s melon like he’s aiming for a set of goalposts 40 yards downfield. The knees to the head that came directly after might have been a bit unnecessary, but the Joker was too consumed by bloodlust at that point to stop. Despite his intimidating opening-round performance, Azeredo went on to lose a decision to Takanori Gomi later that night. As for Kotani, he has finally regained the use of his lower body, though he still pronounces his “th”s as “f”s.

CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO…

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Fighters Only Caption Contest — The Glorious Finalists

Fedor Emelianenko Sambo

After sifting through the entries to our latest caption contest, we’ve chosen eight finalists. Check ‘em out below, and use the poll on the right (scroll down a bit) to pick your favorite — the five people with the most votes will all score subscriptions to either the U.S. or Canadian versions of Fighters Only magazine; the other three are losers and will get nothing. (Okay, maybe we’ll send ‘em a t-shirt.) Results will be announced tomorrow. Thanks to everyone who entered!

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Batman: After Fedor’s circumcision, the Russian Team celebrates because they now have enough meat to eat for a year.
[Ed. note: This has to be the front-runner for first-place, considering all the love it was getting by other commenters.]

SiDeBuRnZ: In mother Russia, sky go youdiving.
[Ed. note: Yakov Smirnoff would be proud.]

danomite: Everyone was happy til someone told Fedor that Nicoli forgot the ice cream. A mass funeral service will be held tomorrow at 2 pm.

philaxler: Fedor returning from his glorious arm bar victory over God.

MitchBanks: "Light as a Fedor, stiff as a board."
[Ed. note:We were surprised at how many of you made reference to that girls' slumber-party game, but whatever.]

mayhem420: 3 cheers for Emelianenko!?
Hep hep hooray?
hep hep hooray
?hep …..oh sorry that’s the other Emelianenko!

Michael W.:
"Finally, Jerry Millen‘s lips are off of my ass"

El Famous Burrito:
? Believe it or not,? I’m walking on air. ?I never thought I could feel so free. ?
? With two ice cream cones and a really gay sweater.? Who could it be?? Believe it or not it’s just me. ?
[Ed. note: Great attention to detail, Burrito. Those musical notes really sell it.]

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Lost in Translation? Machida Says He Drinks His Own Urine…Every Day


(Just tell me you didn’t kiss him.)

Lyoto Machida recently talked with Brazilian website/magazine Tatame about his training and preparation for his title fight against Rashad Evans at UFC 98, and he decided to disclose a secret that he probably should have just kept to himself: “The Dragon” drinks his own urine.  Every day. 

Even worse, he learned it from his father:

“My father does that for a long time and bring it to us. People think it’s a joke (laughs). I never said it in the United States because I don’t know how the fans will react (laughs). I drink my urine every morning like a natural medicine.”

We’ll soon find out how American fans will react.  My guess is they’ll scrunch up their faces and say, with one loud, clear voice, ‘You nasty, Lyoto!’

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Video: Jason Miller Talks ‘Bully Beatdown’


(Mayhem discusses his opus with the KTLA morning news jackasses.)

I want to hate Jason "Mayhem" Miller’s “Bully Beatdown.”  I really do.  Not only is it an incredibly stupid idea that bastardizes and trivializes MMA and bullying (both of which are close to my heart), it also features Mayhem acting the fool for MTV.  And yet, after watching episode one (which doesn’t work when I embed it for some reason), I was actually somewhat entertained.  

Miller brings in Tony “The Gun” Bonello (who was bullied pretty bad by “Ninja” Rua in his last outing) to rough up a guy who’s been bullying his older brother while also paradoxically sporting a tattoo that reads “Family First.”  What follows isn’t even close to MMA (one round of grappling followed by one round of kickboxing is obviously some bullshit), but it is oddly satisfying in the way that seeing a bully get bullied always is.  Think of it as "Pros vs. Joes" with more personal acrimony and less time wasted on soccer and swimming and other nonsense.

After the jump, something only kind of related to MMA, but close enough.

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Gomi Looks to Recover His Fire in Shooto

Takanori Gomi MMA Kitaoka Sengoku Japan
(Satoru Kitaoka finishes Takanori Gomi at "Sengoku no Ran 2009" in January. I’m not sure feet are supposed to bend that way.)

Before he rose to international fame as PRIDE’s most dominant lightweight, Takanori Gomi was a local hero in Japan’s Shooto league, where he reigned as the 154-pound champ from December 2001 to August 2003. Now, after two upset losses to Sergey Golyaev and Satoru Kitaoka in Sengoku, the Fireball Kid is heading back to his roots. Writes Japan MMA:

Shooto will hold the final event in their Tradition series (celebrating 20 years of Shooto) in May. The event will take place in JCB Hall, where also the first "Tradition" event took place…Former champion Takanori Gomi will return to Shooto and will take on the current [154-pound] champion Takashi Nakakura in what should be an awesome fight. Nakakura is on a 5 fight winning streak and has not lost since August 2005 when he fought Mitsuhiro Ishida.

As we learned recently, Gomi’s head hasn’t been in the game for a while, so maybe a stint on a smaller, familiar stage will help him find his confidence  and regain his competitive spark. Of course, the fight with Nakakura is a must-win for Gomi’s career, and the current Shooto champ is no pushover. Can Gomi get his balls back, or will he join the ever-growing club of former PRIDE legends whose skills have mysteriously evaporated? (President: Wanderlei Silva / Treasurer: Mirko Cro Cop) Nakakura’s last fight, a rear-naked choke victory over Bendy Casimir, is after the jump.

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Videos: Even Tito Ortiz Knows Enough Not to Sign With Affliction Now, + More

Tito Ortiz was in Vicksburg, Mississippi talking with 8CountNews.com in this video interview, and it sounds like he’s changed his mind about fighting for Affliction, which is probably a good idea, considering their future plans.  Now Ortiz says he’s “going to pass” on an Affliction contract in the hopes that he can sign with Strikeforce to fight on CBS or Showtime, assuming they’re amenable to his famously ridiculous contract demands.

Honestly, is anyone out there really dying to see Ortiz back in action?  He has some name value and can still hype a fight with the best of them, but to hear him talk sometimes you’d think the whole MMA world was eagerly awaiting his return, as if he’s still a top-ten fighter and not someone who just got bounced out of the UFC.  Though to hear him talk you’d also think he did a good job commentating at the last Affliction show, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  

After the jump, a little taste of what you can expect from the coaches in the next “Ultimate Fighter” season.  

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Does the UFC Need a Light-Light-Heavyweight Class?

Wanderlei Silva UFC MMA

Wanderlei Silva seems to think so. While discussing his 195-pound catchweight bout against Rich Franklin that will headline UFC 99 (June 13th; Cologne, Germany), he told MMA Junkie the following:

"I talked with (UFC President) Dana (White) three or four events ago, and I said, ‘We need to create a new division at 195 (pounds). Because for me, my normal weight is 210 or 208. For 205, it’s not too much (weight to cut). For 185, it’s a lot. For 195, it’s perfect…There’s a lot of divisions, a lot of fighters. But now, maybe this is the first fight and in the future we’ll have a new division. (There’s) a lot of fighters in my situation."

You know what they call mixed martial artists who walk around at 210 pounds? Middleweights. Some of the UFC’s top 185′ers, including Anderson Silva and Nate Marquardt (as well as Rich Franklin before he left the middleweight division), reportedly weigh in the 215-220 range between fights. Wanderlei Silva’s "situation" is that he’s smaller than most light-heavyweights, and cutting weight sucks. That’s pretty much it.

At this point, installing more weight classes in the UFC wouldn’t do anything besides dilute the talent pool, and a super-middleweight class would only be useful in providing Wanderlei Silva with another venue to fight for a championship belt — because it didn’t work out for him in the light-heavyweight division, and Anderson Silva owns the middleweight class, so that’s not really an option either. It kind of sounds like Wandy is already psyching himself out for the eventual cut to 185. If he loses to Franklin in June, he may decide that it’s not even worth it.

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Dana White Lays Down the F*ckin’ Law

Dana White UFC MMA Charlie clown
(The #1 clown in Las Vegas poses with some guy named Charlie. Props: CharlieTheClown.net via MMA Splatter.)

“How do I feel about them trying to counter-program UFC 100? I love it. I fucking love it. I love it. I don’t like these guys and I want to see them spend more of their t-shirt money. What they should be worrying about is — they’ve already seen first hand that nobody gives a shit about Affliction MMA — what they need to start worrying about is nobody wants to wear their goofy fucking clothes anymore either. The fad is over and they better start saving as much of that t-shirt money as they can.” — DW to FiveOuncesofPain, regarding the recent reports that Affliction will hold its third (and likely final) event on July 11th, the same day as UFC 100.

"I called BJ to tell him to stop with the BS and to start fucking training." — DW on Sirius Radio yesterday (via BloodyElbow). Our thoughts exactly.

"Apparently he doesn’t know what guys who are on steroids look like, okay? They don’t fuckin’ look like me…You know what I’m on? I’m on fuckin’ pizza, chicken fingers, and cheeseburgers, okay?…Pregnant bitches don’t eat as much as fuckin’ I do right now." — DW responds to allegations made by Tiki Ghosn that he’s a steroid abuser, in a new video for Trumph United (via CageWriter).

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‘March Badness’ Quick Results and Videos

(Bobby Lashley vs. Jason Guida)

MMA matches:
Jeff Monson def. Roy Nelson via unanimous decision (29-28 x 3)
Bobby Lashley def. Jason Guida via unanimous decision (30-27 x3)
Din Thomas def. Gabe Lemley via TKO, 4:13 of round 1
Dennis Hallman def. Danny Ruiz via submission (rear-naked choke), 1:50 of round 1
James Freeman def. John Mowry via KO, 2:38 of round 1

Boxing matches:
Roy Jones Jr. defeated Omar Sheika via TKO, 1:45 of round 5
B.J. Flores def. Jose Luis Herrera via unanimous decision
Eric Clinton def. Richmond Dalphone via unanimous decision
Kieyon Bussey def. Robert DaLuz via majority decision
Kelvin Price def. Kevin Howard via majority decision

Notes…

— The Lashley/Guida bout didn’t live up to the pre-fight trash-talk, and Lashley proved that he’s not quite ready for prime time. The first round was spent mostly in a clinch against the ropes after Guida was able to stuff Lashley’s takedown attempts. The next two rounds saw Lashley on top of Guida and working some ground-and-pound, but Guida never took much damage. In fact, a guillotine choke attempt that Guida put on Lashley in the third round was the closest that the fight came to being finished. It was a moral victory for Guida — though his record now drops to 17-20, while Lash increases to 2-0.

— Roy Nelson got straight-up robbed by the judges. Though Jeff Monson did win the third round via striking exchanges, the first two were controlled by Nelson, who scored takedowns and was able to achieve mount in both rounds. But it seemed that all three judges credited the second frame to Monson due to some knees he threw in the clinch. After the fight, Monson admitted that the fight "could have gone either way," while Nelson immediately stormed off in anger.

— After beating Gabe Lemley with a ferocious punches-and-knee combo that put Lemley out cold, Din Thomas told the crowd that it’s not cool to put hands on a lady, and if Rihanna needs someone to kick Chris Brown’s ass for her, she should holla.

More videos from "March Badness" are after the jump…

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Video: MMA’s Greatest Upsets

Loyal readers of this site know how much we love video highlights and lists of things, so it should be no surprise that we really enjoyed the latest effort from KingAtRock (who you might remember from such videos as this one or that one).  So yeah, we probably would have posted this regardless, but it sure didn’t hurt that he gave us a little shout-out at the end.  Let this be a lesson to the rest of you: never underestimate the power of pandering to our collective ego.  

On the real though, this is a pretty solid list of upsets.  It does seem a little strange, considering what we know about each man’s career trajectory, to think of Rashad Evans’ brain cell-destroying knockout of Chuck Liddell as an upset.  At the time it was a shocker, sure, but now it seems like we probably should have seen it coming.  Who knows, maybe someday we’ll be saying the same thing about Thales Leites’ dramatic victory via flying triangle choke over Anderson Silva.  Probably not, though.

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