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Six Other Seth Rogen/James Franco Films That Should’ve Been Canceled

Tag: Nate Diaz

Nate Diaz: No Longer the Smarter Diaz


(Somewhere in Indiana, Miguel Torres is breathing a sigh of relief.) 

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the single dumbest tweet of 2013. The top one.

385 retweets. 184 favorites. And counting.

Feel free to start speculating how much Diaz gets fined for this, or what his inevitable apology to the LGBT community will sound like, in the comments section.

-J. Jones

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Today in “JERRY RIPS!”: Greg Jackson Finally Loses His Goddamned Mind


(Props: Jerry Rips)

The latest installment of “hilarious UFC audio you weren’t supposed to hear” features bad deaf-jokes, botched game-plans, excessive cursing, and Greg Jackson reaching the absolute limits of human frustration. (As one YouTube commenter already pointed out, Jackson does indeed sound a little like Timothy Treadwell when he’s upset.) Some highlights…

0:00: Some asshole wonders why Matt Hamill needs walkout music if he’s deaf. HA! The joker in question acknowledges that the joke was mean…then repeats it, in case you missed it the first time.
1:10: ”Spread the fuckin’ legs. Fuck. Fuckin’.”
1:53: Hamill’s coach expresses his disappointment in a loving, supportive way.
2:37: “Elbows! Whrrsthgoddmnelbws?? Shut the fuck up. Shut up.”
3:54: “Tito! Get up! Try! You gotta try, Tito!”
4:29: “Well, he wants you to hit him. That’s cool.”
4:49: Donald Cerrone head-kicks Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as steam blasts out of Greg Jackson’s ears.
5:23: Donald Cerrone trips Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as Greg Jackson has a massive coronary and pisses himself.
5:40: Donald Cerrone trips Nate Diaz to the mat, then refuses to follow him down, as Greg Jackson’s head literally launches off his body.
5:46: “GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! GO FIRST! GO FORWARD! FORWARD!”
6:18: Jackson calls Nate Diaz by his brother’s name, possibly on purpose just to fuck with him.
6:35: Richard. Fucking. Perez.

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Today in “JERRY RIPS!”: Nick Diaz’s Corner Would Prefer That His Opponents Stop Being All Slippery and Sh*t

If there’s one thing we know about Nick Diaz and the members of Team Cesar Gracie, it’s that they will not tolerate bullshit in *any* of its various forms. However, if the latest upload from ever-enigmatic Youtube user Jerry Rips — which features audio of Diaz’s corner during his bouts with Carlos Condit, BJ Penn, and Georges St. Pierre — is any indication, it would appear that wetness is just below bullshit on Team Cesar Gracie’s list of deplorable offenses. And once you realize what the average TCG training session looks like, you’ll begin to understand just what the punishment is for such an offense.

Confused? Well welcome to the 209, bitch. It’s a magical place where, should you find yourself fighting for a(n interim) title in MMA’s highest promotion, you will receive such sound corner advice as “That’s the kind of asshole shit he’s got,” “Fuckin’ dick,” and “Condit, you pussy!” But mainly, your teammates/coaches will be relegated to complaining about how slippery your opponent is. Not slippery in the figurative sense — we mean, like, that pussy just got out the pool or some shit. And don’t even get them started on what’ll happen if this fight goes the judges, who are all probably betting against you anyway. But seriously, they put waaay too much water on that motherfucker, man.

We could watch this all day, but we first feel compelled to ask: Nate Diaz vs. Frito in an academic decathalon — who takes it?

-J. Jones

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Josh Thomson Makes ‘Bitch Ass Lady Sounds’ When He Fights, According to Nate Diaz


(“OMG THOSE SHOES ARE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS!!!!” / Photo via Sherdog)

If you thought Nate Diaz was going to accept his UFC on FOX 7 loss to Josh Thomson gracefully, then brother, you just don’t know what it means to be a Diaz. Nate was a guest on BJPenn.com Radio yesterday, where he squeezed enough sour grapes to make a fine red whine. (I’m not even going to ask if you saw what I did there. I know damn well that you saw it.) Here are some of the highlights, as transcribed by MMAMania and MMAFighting:

“[Thomson] didn’t come in there and put no ass whopping on me. You know what I’m saying? He didn’t come in there and make anything happen. I have never fought somebody before who had ever wanted out of a fight so bad. I expected a fight. I expected him to grab me and try to hold on to me or throw some kicks and move and throw some punches and move but that motherfucker was straight running and I had to chase him down. I was chasing him the whole fight. I was the aggressor. I was restless, you know? How can you not be when a guy is running scared shitless for his life? I’m over aggressive trying to get a hold of him and that’s why I got hit, because I’m over aggressive. I’m trying to meet the criteria to win these rounds…

“[He] was scared shitless when I was fighting him. It’s unbelievable how scared he was in there. He was running for his life…He was making bitch ass lady sounds and that’s not bullshit. I’m not here talking shit on him, this is reality. He was making woman sounds. He was running out of the clinch. I hit him in the face and he was going ‘Oh, oh, ehh’ making woman sounds I’ve never even heard out of a man before during a fight. I’m hearing his corner telling him to smile and I’m like, ‘Yeah, smile mother fucker’ and not a single smile came out of his mouth. He had a look of panic the whole fight. You have to be in there to fight these guys to know that. This is how it went. I’ve seen him in other fights, he was smiling at the other guy, bouncing around. He didn’t have no time for that against me. He was frantic and trying not to get his ass whooped…

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In No-Man’s-Land After Latest Loss, Nate Diaz Calls for Intermediate Weight Classes


(“…and I’m just saying, in this new 163-pound division, maybe motherf*ckers shouldn’t be allowed to kick you in your damn neck so much.” / Photo via Esther Lin @ MMAFighting)

Even before he lost his second consecutive lightweight fight to Josh Thomson at UFC on FOX 7, Nate Diaz was eyeing a return to welterweight — a division he’d already bounced out of in 2011, following back-to-back losses to Dong Hyun Kim and Rory MacDonald. So what’s a guy supposed to do if he’s not powerful enough to deal with the beasts at 170, and cutting to 155 is no longer worth the misery? Call it sour grapes if you will, but Nate floated the following suggestion on twitter yesterday:

@ufc more weight classes ASAP?? 163,178,193 More super fights more champion vs champion, closer to weight better fights more potential …

Obviously, that 163-pound division would be tailor-made for the younger Diaz brother, so it makes sense that he’d support it. But self-interest aside, there’s some logic to the idea. While UFC president Dana White has been looking to smaller and smaller fighters as the future of the promotion — 115-pound dudes? seriously? — the UFC already has a deep roster of talented, popular contenders who have suffered from being “in between” weight classes, either ruining their bodies through massive weight cuts to stay competitive, or giving up tremendous size disadvantages to compete at a more “natural” division.

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Armchair Matchmaker: ‘UFC on FOX 7: Henderson vs. Melendez’ Edition


(“Well, Joe, I’d just like to thank God for giving me the strength to-OH SHIT HERE COMES THE REST OF ‘EM.” Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

Let us begin this week’s edition of the Armchair Matchmaker with a few fun facts about last Saturday’s UFC on FOX 7 event

-With eight (T)KO’s, UFC on FOX 7 tied UFC 92 for the most (T)KO finishes in a single UFC event in the promotion’s history.

-In defeating Jordan Mein via second round TKO, the resurgent Matt Brown now holds the third longest win streak (5) amongst active UFC welterweights, as well as the record for (T)KO finishes in the welterweight division. Yet incredibly, the FOTN check Brown received was the first end of the night bonus he has earned in some 15 UFC fights.

-Frank Mir, like, really dropped the ball against Daniel Cormier.

Now, using those absolute truths and a little speculation, let’s decide who the biggest winners and losers from UFC on FOX 7 should face next, shall we?

The Winners

Ben Henderson: Well, we already know who he’ll be facing next, so that one is pretty easy. The question now becomes: How do you see Bendo taking it? Split decision, unanimous decision, or the always rare majority decision?

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UFC on Fox 7 Salaries: Frank Mir Earns as Much as Benson Henderson? Frank Mir Earns as Much as Benson Henderson.


Since we can only post so many “U Mad?” GIFs in one day, this will have to suffice.

The UFC paid out a total of $1,518,000 in disclosed salaries and end of the night bonuses to the fighters on last night’s UFC on Fox 7, according to the California State Athletic Commission. Both former UFC heavyweight champion Frank Mir and current UFC lightweight champion Benson Henderson took home $200,000 for their performances last night, making them the two highest paid fighters on the card. Former Strikeforce lightweight champion Gilbert Melendez took home the evening’s third-highest disclosed salary at $175,000.

The entire disclosed payroll is below, via MMA Junkie. Keep in mind that the following figures account for neither sponsorships and undisclosed “locker room bonuses,” nor do they include deductions for taxes, insurance, and licensing fees. Also, since there were no submissions on the card, two fighters took home a Knockout of the Night bonus.

Benson Henderson: $200,000 (includes $100,000 win bonus)
def. Gilbert Melendez: $175,000

Daniel Cormier: $126,000 (includes $63,000 win bonus)
def. Frank Mir: $200,000

Josh Thomson: $145,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus and $50,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
def. Nate Diaz: $15,000

Matt Brown: $110,000 (includes $30,000 win bonus and $50,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
def. Jordan Mein: $66,000 (includes $50,000 Fight of the Night bonus)

Chad Mendes
: $56,000 (includes $28,000 win bonus)
def. Darren Elkins: $24,000

Francis Carmont: $38,000 (includes $19,000 win bonus)
def. Lorenz Larkin: $23,000

Myles Jury
: $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus)
def. Ramsey Nijem: $14,000

Joseph Benavidez: $66,000 (includes $33,000 win bonus)
def. Darren Uyenoyama: $12,000

T.J. Dillashaw: $28,000 (includes $14,000 win bonus)
def. Hugo Viana: $8,000

Jorge Masvidal: $60,000 (includes $30,000 win bonus)
def. Tim Means: $10,000

Anthony Njorkuani: $36,000 (includes $18,000 win bonus)
def. Roger Bowling: $12,000

Yoel Romero: $70,000 (includes $10,000 win bonus and $50,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
def. Clifford Starks: $8,000

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UFC on FOX 7: Henderson vs. Melendez — Live Results and Commentary


(Premature celebration. Always a great idea. / Photo via CombatLifestyle.com. For more images from this set, click here.)

Tonight at the HP Pavilion in San Jose, top-ranked lightweight contender Gilbert Melendez will finally get his chance to prove himself in the Octagon — with Benson Henderson‘s belt on the line — while undefeated phenom Daniel Cormier will attempt to justify his own swelling hype in a heavyweight matchup with Frank Mir. Add in all the other UFC vs. Strikeforce matchups, and you basically have MMA’s version of the Sharks vs. the Jets, but with the dance steps replaced by middle fingers in your got-damn face. So will the latest batch of Strikeforce crossovers make the grade or will they go up in smoke?

Taking you through the action tonight is our good friend Elias Cepeda, who’s giving us round-by-round results from the UFC on FOX 7 main card broadcast after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and share your own thoughts in the comments section.

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Dumbest Idea Ever of the Day: Nate Diaz is Headed Back to the Welterweight Division, Y’all


(“Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.” – Albert Einstein, clearly foreshadowing the career of Nate Diaz.)

You remember how we previously discussed the wolfpack-like sense of loyalty that seems to exist between the members of Team Cesar Gracie? Or how they would rather retire than face another member of their loyal platoon in glorious mixed martial arts competition? Well, since Nate Diaz’s training partner/homeboy Gil Melendez is fighting Ben Henderson at UFC on FOX 7 this weekend and is going to win the fight with 100% certainty (and the fight after that, and the fight after that…), the former #1 contender might as well get to steppin’. That’s according to him, at least:

I’m not huntin’ (the title) right now, honestly. My boy is about to put it down and hold the belt for the next … I don’t even know how long. I’m probably gonna bail up outta this weight division as soon as this fight is done. I fought everybody at lightweight already. 

That’s right, despite compiling an 9-4 UFC record at lightweight that included a(n unsuccessful) title shot against Ben Henderson last December, Diaz is presumably headed back to the division that saw him score wins over a couple of guys who have since been fired and get absolutely manhandled by Dong Hyun Kim and Rory MacDonald. Pardon my language, but boy, you have smoked yourself retarded.

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Breaking Down All Eight ‘UFC vs. Strikeforce’ Bouts on This Saturday’s Henderson vs. Melendez Card

As we pointed out on Facebook earlier today, the entire main card of this Saturday’s UFC on FOX: Henderson vs. Melendez event features a UFC veteran taking on a former Strikeforce standout. What’s more, there are four fights on the prelims that fit this same pattern. While the UFC has set up cards along national lines in the past — see UFC 58: USA vs. Canada and UFC 117: USA vs. Brazil, Pretty Much they’ve never been this overt with their UFC vs. Strikeforce matchmaking. Will the UFC vets fight harder in an attempt to defend their turf? Will the Strikeforce crossovers band together to continue their invasion of the Octagon? Take a look at all eight matchups below and let us know which side you think will emerge victorious.

Headshot images via Card/The UG.


BENSON HENDERSON vs. GILBERT MELENDEZ (for UFC lightweight title)
The odds say: Bendo is a strong favorite to defend his belt at -250.
We say:
When you put this much talent into the cage at the same time, anything can happen. But while we think this fight will be closer than the betting line reflects, there’s been an unbreakable, unstoppable quality to Henderson’s performances during his 6-0 UFC run. Until we see how Melendez actually performs in the Octagon, we’re picking the champ.


FRANK MIR vs. DANIEL CORMIER (HW)
The odds say: Cormier is a virtual lock at -375.
We say:
That sounds about right. Cormier has all the skills to be a future UFC champ, and barring any freakish leglocks, Frank Mir is just a stop along the way.

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