No, your eyes are not deceiving you. We just received the above poster image in our inbox, in which Nate Diaz (who’s coming off back-to-back losses to Clay Guida and Joe Stevenson) and Melvin Guillard (cokehead) appear to be headlining the next UFC Fight Night card over top lightweight contender Gray Maynard and Roger Huerta, who used to be the UFC’s Great Brown Hope until he started talking out of turn. Of course, most fans are just going to be happy to see two great lightweight matchups on free TV, not realizing the passive aggressive jab of disrespect that’s going on here. (Honestly, I can’t wait to hear Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg’s spin on why Diaz vs. Guillard is main-event-worthy.) But hey, good luck to Nate — when was the last time a fighter was given a headlining slot and a "win or go home" match on the same night?

UFC Fight Night 19 will serve as a lead-in to the premiere of Kimbo’s House (aka TUF 10). Tickets to the event go on sale this week; the current lineup is after the jump.

(Photos courtesy of UFC.com.)

The UFC paid out $630,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses for Saturday night’s Ultimate Fighter 9 Finale, according to figures released by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. Leading the list are Diego Sanchez — who took home an event-high $115,000 thanks to his Fight of the Night bonus and pack-leading to-show salary — and Joe Stevenson, who came in second place with $95,000. The numbers are below…

– Diego Sanchez: $115,000 (includes $45,000 win bonus and $25,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
– Joe Stevenson: $95,000 (includes $35,000 win bonus and $25,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
– Chris Lytle: $61,000 (includes $18,000 win bonus and $25,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
– Clay Guida: $48,000 (includes $25,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
– Nate Diaz: $45,000 (includes $25,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
– Jason Dent: $41,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus and $25,000 Submission of the Night bonus)
– Tomasz Drwal: $40,600 (includes $7,000 win bonus, $25,000 Knockout of the Night bonus, and 20% of Mike Ciesnolevicz’s to-show money [$1,600])
– Kevin Burns: $34,000 (includes $25,000 Fight of the Night bonus)

(Guida turns taking a shot into an art form. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

After another fun, free MMA weekend we turn once again to the Potato Index to tell us where everyone stands.  Those of you who are confused by what the numbers mean, just think of every fighter starting at his own particular zero coming into the event.  Then we make up a number to reflect how far he’s climbed or fallen after his latest fight.  Kind of like the stock market, but way more fun and only slightly more bullshit.

Diego Sanchez +104
Whatever you think the final scores should have been, Sanchez won that fight.  He was a whirlwind on the feet and even managed to be the aggressor from the bottom when it hit the mat.  But does a decision victory here equal a title shot?  We wouldn’t mind seeing Sanchez vs. Gray Maynard to establish a clear contender.

Joe Stevenson began his UFC career on the second season of “The Ultimate Fighter.”  On Saturday night he returns to fight another TUF alum, Nate Diaz, on the season nine finale in what might prove to be a make-or-break outing for him.  In our exclusive talk with him, Joe “Daddy” tells us why he changed training camps after his decision loss to Diego Sanchez, whether he’s worried about being cut, and why he might be hesitant to appear on a new season of TUF if he were coming up through the ranks today.

CagePotato.com: So you’ve been in New Mexico with Greg Jackson’s team preparing for this fight.  What made you decide that it was time for a change of training camps?

JS: Honestly, I’ve been here for going on seven weeks now and it’s been great.  I was feeling a little stagnant and I knew that if I didn’t try something different I would regret it.  If you don’t try all your avenues you’re going to end up when your fifty wishing you’d done something different and I don’t want to be that person.  On top of that, there’s great coaching here, great strategy, and they’ve given me a different outlook on the way I fight.  I’m just excited to let people see it now.

You mentioned strategy and that’s something a lot of people talk about when it comes to Greg Jackson.  How is his way of strategizing for a fight different from what you’ve been exposed to in the past?

After making my MMA highlight reel debut with "Sakuraba: Survivor," I decided to follow it up with a new compilation that’s both shorter and less depressing. The concept of "Stranglehold" is quite simple: Here are some of the most creative and infamous choke-submissions in recent MMA history, soundtracked by Ted Nugent. The cast of characters include Nate Diaz, Dan Miller, Renato "Babalu" Sobral, Shinya Aoki, BJ Penn, Nick Diaz, Demian Maia, CB Dollaway, and Toby Imada. Let me know what you think, and if you dig it, please share with a friend.

(BG)

(Sonnen gives Paulo Filho an intervention, Team Quest-style. Photo courtesy of BaltimoreSun.com.)

Although initial reports claimed that Ed Herman would be stepping in for the injured Yushin Okami against Dan Miller at UFC 98 (May 23rd, Las Vegas), there’s been another change in plans. It seems that Herman has declined the fight — likely because he just competed at UFC 97 and the five-week turnaround would be too short — and Okami’s actual replacement will be Herman’s Team Quest teammate Chael Sonnen.

Sonnen was most recently submitted by Demian Maia in his UFC return fight in February, which dropped his overall Octagon record to 1-3. The WEC/Bodog vet was slated to face Wilson Gouveia at UFC 102 (August 29th; Portland, Oregon) and still hopes to take that fight if his scrap with Dan Miller goes well. Though considering Miller’s skill with submissions (and Sonnen’s tendency to get submitted), Sonnen may be out of a job by this summer.

In other news…

(More mindless violence in the 209.)

Nick Diaz isn’t joking about how dangerous his hometown of Stockton, California is.  A new report from Forbes (thanks to reader CMH for the find) named Stockton the fifth most dangerous city in the nation. Detroit is currently number one on the list, followed by Memphis, Miami, and Las Vegas.  The weird part is, of all the five most dangerous cities, Stockton is the only one with less than a million people.  We strongly suspect that it drops to ninth place on the most dangerous list when the Diaz brothers leave town for a fight, but could easily claim the top spot if they were to have sons.  Handsome, articulate sons.

I was watching this clip from "UFC 2009: Undisputed" and getting excited about how realistic the gameplay footage looks (except for Edith’s breasts, which, let’s be honest, don’t move anywhere near that much), and then Nate Diaz submitted B.J. Penn in the first round and the illusion was shattered.  

Okay, so it’s just a game.  And just like I’ll never steal any cars in real life (though I might ‘borrow’ it just to make a beer run), Nate Diaz will never take B.J. Penn’s back and choke him out with his feet crossed in front of him within two minutes.  It’s a fun little fiction, though.

If you look closely during the gameplay clip, you probably noticed two things: 1) Nick Diaz is not mean-mugging it up in his brother’s corner, and this is a real shame, and 2) there are no shortage of advertisements plastered all over the Octagon.  TapouT, MMA Warehouse, Harley-Davidson, Xyience, etc.  All the UFC’s closest friends get some play in “Undisputed,” and as the guys from MMA Payout have noted, this is worth a little something.  They cite an AdWeek report that estimates in-game advertising will be a $2 billion-a-year business by 2010.  

Since the UFC is making fighters sign over the rights to their video game images in perpetuity or else face the wrath, that’s money that will be going straight into the UFC coffers.  They won’t even have to offer the fighters a split of it when they make a new game in 2011 that brings in even more ad revenue and features Junie Browning going up in weight to knock Georges St. Pierre out cold in thirty seconds.

(‘Did you say lisp?  Sounded like you did, homey, and I’m just curious whose lisp you might have been talking about, ’cause I don’t see Richard Simmons around here anywhere.  Just me.’)

Looks like two more fighters are taking the step backwards from the numbered UFC events to small potatoes shows on Spike, as MMA Madness reports that Nate Diaz will take on Joe Stevenson at the finale of “The Ultimate Fighter” season nine on June 20 in a battle of lightweights who are in need of a win.

This is the same event expected to feature Diego Sanchez (who last beat Stevenson) taking on Clay Guida (who last beat Diaz) as its headlining bout.  So at least the four of them can all get together again, maybe have an awkward dinner at Chili’s.  Kind of like hanging out with your new girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend, who is now dating your new girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend.  Just weird enough to be interesting.

MMATraining.com also reports that later in the summer, at an as of yet unannounced Fight Night event on August 5, Kurt Pellegrino will face Josh Neer, who recently saved his behind with a victory over Mac Danzig.  The fight’s expected to be the main event, though it’s also the only fight we’ve heard of for this thing and with it being so far in the future, who knows.  Best to keep Neer out of the bars between now and then.

This week we saw a CP reader named "Goog" emerge from obscurity to make a seriously strong case for CagePotato Commenter Rookie of the Year. Honestly, it was just win, win, win, and more win with this guy. Here were three of his best moments…  

Goog on "Quebec Athletic Commission May Block UFC 97 From Happening in Montreal": It was probably all just a matter of miscommunication, because I don’t think there’s anyone in the world, even Canada, that doesn’t know James Thompson will eventually hit the ground.

Goog on "War Machine Arrested in Vegas": And don’t count him out too long. You know he’ll only be there two days and he’ll say something that gets him thrown out of prison.

Goog on "Stockton, Stand Up! …And Move to Pretty Much Any Other City in the Nation": Maybe it’s so miserable BECAUSE the Diaz brothers are there. If you could get them to leave, you’d probably be looking at the next Boston.

Amazing. We’ll also give a nod to Ouch! That hurts on the aforementioned ‘Stockton sucks’ post, who wrote: Perhaps the Stockton chamber of commerce should stop using their slogan "Don’t be scared, homie"

Anyway, Goog my man, you’re eligible for up to three CagePotato "Hall of Fame" t-shirts. E-mail your real name, address, and shirt size(s) to feedback@cagepotato.com. Same goes for you, Ouch!, except you only get one. Try harder next time.

(Upon entering, the town extends its middle finger to you, gentle traveler.)

As loyal reader Walter informed us, Stockton, California — hometown to the Diaz brothers — was named by Forbes Magazine as the number one “most miserable” city in America.  Damn, son.  Not the 209!

According to Forbes:

Only 15% of Stockton adults have a college degree, which is one of the lowest rates in the U.S. Unemployment is expected to hit 15% in 2010, while housing prices should keep falling back to their mid-1990s level when the median home price was $130,000.

Stockton also has problems with violent crime, and paradoxically has one of the longest average commute times while also having one of the highest unemployment rates, begging the question, where the hell are these people commuting to every day?

Say what you will, elitists at Forbes Magazine, Stockton is a great place to raise fighters.  It’s also a good place to get bitten by a mean dog, or have your car stereo stolen.  One man’s misery is another man’s home.  Homey.

(While he’s fairly confident you all know who’s #1, Frank Shamrock still doesn’t like to chance it.)

Five Ounces of Pain reports that when Frank Shamrock headlines the April 11 Strikeforce card, he’ll be doing so against former EliteXC 160-pound contender and weed-loving hard-ass Nick Diaz.  On one hand, this has the makings of a great fight.  Both men are slightly insane in their own special ways, and both are liable to say/do absolutely anything in the lead up to a fight.

On the other hand, should they even be fighting?  Shamrock has competed most of his career at middleweight and above.  He weighed in at 185 for his bout with Cung Le.  Diaz has been hovering in the 160-170 pound neighborhood as of late, and doesn’t exactly have the kind of frame you can pack a lot of weight on to.  It’s unclear at this point whether Shamrock will cut down or whether Diaz will munchie up, though if we had to guess we’d put our money on the latter.

But even as I sit here perplexed by the decision to pit these two against each other – and disappointed by the fact that it isn’t a Diaz brothers vs. Shamrock brothers tag team match – I am forced to admit that I wouldn’t miss this fight for anything.  

(With tailored suits like that he’s just as slick outside the Octagon.)

After an exhausting and entertaining UFC 94, we sat down with our Cage Potato Super Computer and churned out the arbitrary numerical data for the relevant parties.  It wasn’t easy, but dammit, it was necessary.

Georges St. Pierre +361

Whether you think he was greased up or not, he put a beating on B.J. Penn that can’t be explained away (Vaseline didn’t help him dodge jabs or score takedowns, after all).  He showed up in great shape, with a great game plan, and proceeded to do exactly what he said he would.  GSP is an absolute monster, and at just 27 years old he’ll dominate the division for the foreseeable future.  Good luck, Thiago Alves.  You’ll need it.

B.J. Penn -86

He’s still the best lightweight in the world.  Let’s hope this beating convinced him to stay in the division where he truly belongs.  If you’re going to be the smaller man in the fight, you’d better be more active and in better shape.  He was neither, and he paid the price.  Now give KenFlo his shot.

Vaseline + 590

To hear Penn’s trainers talk, you’d think it was a magical substance.  Just a dash and you become a guard-passing, ground-and-pounding machine.  We may find out how responsible it is for GSP’s success, because after this incident the athletic commissions will be watching closely, as will the UFC.

(Photo courtesy of MMAWeekly.)

The UFC paid out a hearty $1,252,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses for yesterday’s UFC 94 event. The figures are below, courtesy of MMA Weekly. Keep in mind that these numbers don’t include any undisclosed "locker room bonuses" often given out to fighters for exciting performances, or cuts of the pay-per-view revenue, which Georges St. Pierre reportedly has in his new contract.

– Georges St. Pierre: $400,000 (includes $200,000 win bonus)
– Lyoto Machida $185,000 (includes $60,000 win bonus, $65,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
– B.J. Penn: $125,000
– Clay Guida $105,000 (includes $20,000 win bonus, $65,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
– Nate Diaz $85,000 (includes $65,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
– Karo Parisyan $80,000 (includes $40,000 win bonus)
– Chris Wilson $80,000 (includes $65,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
– John Howard $71,000 (includes $3,000 win bonus, $65,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
– Jon Fitch $68,000 (includes $34,000 win bonus)
– Thiago Silva: $29,000

(Gono‘s Afro wig gives Fitch much happiness.  Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

The MGM Grand Garden Arena is sold out for tonight’s event, leaving lonely men to wander the casino floor and mutter hopeless pleas for spare tickets.  But you, you lucky bastards, have this liveblog.  It’s as elusive as Lyoto Machida, as much of a chick magnet as Georges St. Pierre, and as steeped in straight-up, gangsta realness as Nate Diaz.

We’re going to get started with the prelims at about 5 pm PST, so if you don’t want to ruin the undercard results for yourself, tread carefully.  Otherwise, hop on and enjoy the ride.  Remember to hit refresh often.  But before we get started, how about helping us out with a Digg.  Thanks.  You’re the best.

(Props: ‘Card’ on the UG)

Hey look, it’s another demo trailer for UFC Undisputed, which now has a 6/2/09 release date. I’m still not sold on the way faces look in this thing, particularly when Penn’s slapping himself in the mug or when Edith is blowing a kiss to the camera. But the gameplay looks solid, and we can only hope that the real action on Saturday night is as crazy as what we see here. Still, if this is all just a little too high-tech for you…

(Props: MMA Scraps)

…you may be interested in this remix of Georges St. Pierre‘s fight against Jay Hieron at UFC 48, done in the style of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! Hieron’s brief loss of consciousness at the 1:06 mark is even more entertaining with 8-bit sound effects.

After the jump: Nate Diaz explains why he stormed out of the press conference after UFC Fight Night 15 — like everything he says, it makes a lot of sense — and he and Clay Guida discuss pace and height difference for their matchup on Saturday. Also, complete footage of yesterday’s UFC press conference at the MGM’s Hollywood Theatre in Las Vegas, featuring Georges St. Pierre, BJ Penn, Lyoto Machida, and Thiago Silva.

("We could do this shit right here, if you want." Photo courtesy of FiveOuncesofPain.)

Though it was originally scheduled for this month’s TUF 8 finale, the bout between UFC lightweights Nate Diaz and Clay Guida was postponed when Guida injured his foot in training. Now, GracieFighter is reporting that the matchup has been added to UFC 94 (January 31st, Las Vegas), in the supporting card for the Georges St. Pierre/BJ Penn superfight; it should be mentioned that the pairing hasn’t yet been added to the official lineup on UFC.com.

Diaz has won all five of his matches in the Octagon, most recently a split decision against Josh Neer at UFC Fight Night 15 in September. Though Guida’s 4-3 record in the UFC is a bit spottier, his last performance (also at UFN 15) proved that he shouldn’t be overlooked, as he used dominating wrestling to neutralize all of Mac Danzig’s weapons and score the unanimous decision win.

In other UFC news…

CagePotato reader Facey sent us this rather sick-ass highlight video that he made, featuring some of the greatest MMA submissions ever, starring Shinya Aoki, Dustin Hazelett, "Jacare" Souza, Frank Mir, Rumina Sato, Anderson Silva (both giving and receiving), and both Diaz brothers. Easy-breezy soundtrack provided by Donavan. 

 
(Props: Bloody Elbow)

In this promo clip for UFC 92, light-heavyweight champ Forrest Griffin discusses his opponent Rashad Evans and what challenges he might present. It’s clear that Griff isn’t underestimating Sugar whatsoever. As he says, "He’s got more knockouts than I do. And his knockouts have been impressive. Like, people-don’t-get-up-right-away knockouts." Speaking of Forrest Griffin, his September 2003 IFC fight with Chael Sonnen is after the jump, courtesy of MMA Scraps.

#10: Rashad Evans serves Tom Murphy on TUF 2

Believe it or not, Rashad Evans used to be a cocky son-of-a-bitch. Finding no challenge from an outmatched Tom Murphy on the second season of The Ultimate Fighter, Sugar entertained himself during the fight by popping, locking, and striking poses until the judges awarded him the victory. The performance also earned him some serious scorn from opposing coach Matt Hughes, but the two eventually put aside their differences and learned to love each other. Now when Rashad dances in the ring, it’s only to pay tribute to the late, great, Redd Foxx.

#9: “Mayhem” Miller mixes clown-and-smile with ground-and-pound

What do you do when Dream gives you a guy who’s nowhere near your level? If you’re “Mayhem” Miller, you have a little fun with it. You start the fight with some kung fu posing, get him down, move to the mount, flash a peace sign for the camera (1:55), then resume punching. Maybe even throw in a double-chop, Sakuraba-style. Why not? The fans love it. What they don’t love is Miller’s faux-retirement. Isn’t it time he dropped that charade? The MMA world is running dangerously low on antics these days.

#8: Anderson Silva’s “52 Blocks” against Patrick Cote

Though Cote continues to tell himself that Silva was simply “lost” and “confused” in this fight, this moment serves as evidence to the contrary. Late in the second round (10:04 in the video) Silva decided to pay homage to his favorite kung fu movies, exhibiting a little Wing Chun action to show his defensive hand skills. At least Silva seemed to be entertaining himself at this point, even if he was the only one who really got a kick out of it. Too bad the fight ended early with Cote’s knee injury. The Dim Mak couldn’t have been far away.

(Why you so mad, Nate? By Stockton standards, you rich!)

Official salaries for last week’s Ultimate Fight Night 15 were released today by the Nebraska State Athletic Commission, and not surprisingly it was Nate Diaz who made off with the most cheddar (that’s what the kids call money these days, right?). Here’s the full breakdown. Each winning fighter’s salary represents a doubling of his base pay:

Nate Diaz: $40,000
Josh Neer: $9,000
Clay Guida: $26,000
Mac Danzig: $15,000
Alan Belcher: $26,000
Ed Herman: $16,000
Eric Schafer: $12,000
Houston Alexander: $13,000
Alessio Sakara: $34,000
Joe Vedepo: $3,000
Wilson Gouveia: $36,000
Ryan Jensen: $4,000
Joe Lauzon: $20,000
Kyle Bradley: $4,000
Jason Brilz: $6,000
Brad Morris: $4,000
Mike Massenzio: $6,000
Drew McFedries: $16,000
Dan Miller: $10,000
Rob Kimmons: $5,000

Some quick thoughts…

KJ Noons has a brilliant plan for the future of his fighting career. Are you ready for this? Instead of fighting Nick Diaz for the Elite XC lightweight title in front of millions of people on CBS, he’s going to fight some nobody in a boxing match that is not on network TV. That will show those bastards at Elite XC.

In an interview with MMA Weekly Noons claims that Elite XC breached his boxing contract — which was one of the two contracts he signed with them — by not offering him any fights, thus leaving him free to pursue boxing matches on his own. His MMA contract with them is presumably still valid since they did offer him the Diaz fight, which he continues to disparage on the basis that Diaz would make more money than him for the fight:

“Tell him to put his money where his mouth is. Put his money up if he wants it so bad, if he’s such a warrior,” Noons stated about Diaz. “He was just (expletive) about how much he got paid on this last CBS card. He’s getting paid 3 times more than me, how do you think that makes me feel?”

“If Dana (White) is listening, I wouldn’t mind fighting his brother too. I’ll get them both (expletive) plastic surgeries.”

He just had to bring up Nate, didn’t he? Maybe the plan is to make the Diaz brothers talk so much smack they cancel each other out, like some sort of shit-talking wave interference theory.

Nate Diaz really started this after his Fight Night bout when he suggested that “somebody” should stop being a “weak-ass punk” and fight his brother. Personally, I assumed that Nate was referring to British punk rocker Johnny Rotten, but now that I think about it Noons’ interpretation really makes more sense.

(No, they aren’t posing. That’s just how they kick it.)

I’m not sure if I love the Diaz brothers in spite of their behavior, or because of it. I’m leaning toward the latter, if only because the more I see of them, the more I become convinced that they may be the most genuine people in all of MMA. All the yelling and swearing and flippin’ the bird? The posturing that reminds you of a fourteen-year-old kid who’s just grown his first facial hairs and is feeling like a man with the constant need to prove it? That’s them. That’s just how they are. Ultimate Fight Night was just one more example.

Not only is Nate Diaz a near mirror-image of his brother in the cage, he also mimicks his interview style. At least, that’s what people tell me. I couldn’t make out most of what he said after his win over Josh Neer last night. I caught the word ‘motherfucker.’ I believe the phrase ‘weak-ass punk’ was peppered in there, as well as the obligatory mention of the 209. Other than that, it was tough to decipher. I had hoped we’d get more in the post-fight press conference, but the Diaz brothers had other ideas.

Nate Diaz had barely taken his seat for the impromptu session with the press when Nick drew the attention to himself by shouting profanities at, well, someone. It was hard to tell who he was yelling at or why. The UFC PR staff seemed at their wits end, and they appealed to Nate to help them restore order.

Nate responded by saying, “I’m out,” and leaving the press conference altogether. Nick was still yelling as the two of them walked off down the hallway.

Say what you will about them, but they always come to fight and they know how to make an exit.

(Nate Diaz vs. Josh Neer; props to MMAScraps.)

The UFC’s customary end of the night bonuses were worth 30k for Ultimate Fight Night 15. It’s too bad there was no time to replay any of the undercard fights, because it seems there were a lot of stoppages to choose from. Here’s who got the extra bumps:

Fight of the Night: Nate Diaz and Josh Neer for their always-competitive and action-packed main event battle.

Knockout of the Night: Alessio Sakara for Cro Copping poor Joe Vedepo.

Submission of the Night: Wilson Gouveia for his armbar of Ryan Jensen.

We’ll add gifs/videos of the last two as soon as we find ‘em…

(For those about to get knocked the eff out, we salute you. Photo courtesy of MMAWeekly.)

FUCKIN’ HUSKERS!!! Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to business. “Ultimate Fight Night: Diaz vs. Neer” is going down in Omaha as we speak. But since it’s airing on tape-delay in most of the country, there might be some spoilers after the jump; feel free to come back when it’s 8 p.m. in your time zone. And please leave plenty o’comments now that leaving comments on this site isn’t such a pain in the ass. Click the “More” link when you’re mentally prepared, and refresh the page every few minutes to get all the latest from the Omaha Civic Center.

(P.S.: Stockton, son. Stockton California.)

(‘I came to chew bubblegum and represent the 209. I am all out of bubblegum.’)

No one can see the future, but as long as we’re going to speculate as to how things will turn out in Omaha on Wednesday (and let’s face it, we are), we might as well go all the way with predictions so specific they can’t possible come true….or can they?

Nate Diaz vs. Josh Neer

Despite his impressive performances since coming off “The Ultimate Fighter,” the UFC doesn’t seem interested in moving Diaz up in competition. Instead they move him laterally, pitting him against the journeyman Neer, who Nate’s big bro already beat. It’ll be no easy task for Diaz to top his double-birdie performance against Kurt Pellegrino, but he’s a showman. Diaz will get bullied around the Octagon by Neer early on, but at some point he’ll remember he’s the better submissions fighter. The thought will dawn on him all at once and he’ll jump on Neer’s back, lock in a standing rear-naked choke, and extend his middle fingers on either side of Neer’s head as he submits.

When will it happen: 3:17, round two.

What to watch for: the look on Joe Rogan’s face when he has to interview Diaz after the bout and ask him to talk us through the Bud Light replay. What isn’t bleeped out will be completely unintelligible.

Mac Danzig vs. Clay Guida

This is the kind of fight worth getting excited about. The stoic, cerebral Danzig takes on Enkidu, the wild man of the woods (officially known as Clay Guida). It’s the classic highly-technical vegan vs. tough-but-crazy caveman battle. Danzig will start overly cautious and be initially overwhelmed as Guida wades into him with reckless abandon. But as the fight wears on Danzig will start to figure things out, striking and circling and wearing Guida out with knees to the body. Then Guida will freak out, charging right into a triangle choke, and his face will be blocked by his hair as it changes colors before he finally consents to tap.

When will it happen: 2:03, round three.

What to watch for: Guida’s brother, who failed to make weight for his first “Ultimate Fighter” bout and was reportedly kicked off the show for it, will appear on camera at some point looking sad and not eating.

“UFC Fight Night: Diaz vs. Neer” goes down this Wednesday at the Omaha Civic Auditorium in Omaha, Nebraska. You can watch the action on Spike TV beginning at 8 p.m. ET/PT — conveniently, right before the premiere of The Ultimate Fighter: Team Nogueira vs. Team Mir. To begin the psyche-up process, here are the fighters from the card’s three key fights, discussing their matchups. Diaz/Neer is above, Danzig/Guida and Alexander/Schafer are below; props to BloodyElbow. The full lineup for the event is after the jump.

(Say what?!)

Oh, “Mayhem” Miller. You so crazy. You manage to turn what would normally be a boring blog post about a bad haircut into a saga of misadventure. We can only imagine what it must be like to be you on a full-time basis.

Miller’s recent blog entry diverges into a blend of social commentary and possible mental illness when he wanders into a barber shop and begins battling it out with the voices in his head:

“This place looks legit.” I thought, in the way that schizophrenics hear in stereo. “It has a rotating pole, a cruddy sign with the owners name on it, and smells like chemicals,” the voice in my head then paused to let me enter. Inside was a cute black chick about my age and an older black dude, kinda pudgy and wearing fubu or something else unfashionable. The chocolate bunny mustve had something better to do, so she left the moment I looked like I was staying.

“Its an older black dude, and you want a short haircut, perfect, they always know how to hook it up” my brain said but then retorted “that’s fucking racist dude, you’re judging his haircutting on his skin tone- ‘haircut profiling’ if you will.” The voice came back again, “yes, yes I am but I am just drawing from my experience, and how many good short haircuts have we got from older black dudes, as compared to the child molester/Nicholas Cage looking guy on melrose?” Touche’ voice 1, touche’.

“Have a seat. I can take ya now.” Pudgey Older Black Man says, “What can I do for you?” in a tone that was nice enough. “Trim it up man. I want to get it faded down to the skin, maybe keep some of the top.” (For future installments of the strip of doom.) I guess I shouldn’t have said the word “skin” because that is all he heard and before I could look up I had half a bowl-cut. “Aw damn, man.. I, aw..”

You know, I never thought about it before, but Nicolas Cage does look an awful lot like a child molester. Well put, “Mayhem.”

(Photo courtesy of Complex.)

When we last saw Nick Diaz, he was whipping Muhsin Corbbrey at EliteXC: The Return of the King, and advising KJ Noons not to be frightened. Diaz gets back into the cage this Saturday at the second installment of EliteXC’s “Saturday Night Fights” (CBS, 9 p.m. ET/PT), and while he won’t be settling his grudge with Noons, he’ll be facing the very tough Thomas Denny in front of a rabid hometown crowd at the Stockton Arena. The always outspoken Cesar Gracie-trained fighter recently chatted with us about the origins of his bad attitude, why MMA fights should be held in a ring, and why steroids should be legal.

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CAGEPOTATO.COM: Are you disappointed that you’re not fighting KJ Noons on Saturday?
NICK DIAZ: Sure. I want to get that fight over and done with as soon as I can. But I gotta handle the Denny fight first, because if I don’t win it won’t look too good on my part, as far as a future fight with KJ goes. But KJ doesn’t want to fight me — he likes to pick his fights. I figure the only way he’ll fight me is if they make him do it, so I gotta be the guy in line.

Have you seen anything in Thomas Denny’s game that concerns you?
Well, everything concerns me. He’s a good fighter. But I’m ready for this type of guy. I know I train harder than him. I don’t have time to run a school and teach kids; he seems to have time to do a lot of things. It’s a lot to have on the table if you’re trying to be a professional fighter too.

The California State Athletic Commission is notorious for pulling fighters at the last minute — you went through it yourself back in March. How are you dealing with the CSAC this time so that you don’t have to experience that again?
I don’t have an issue with them. It was a big misunderstanding — the commission apologized and we’re all cool. It cost me a lot of money, but let’s get past it. I’ve forgotten about it pretty much.

So your medical marijuana card won’t be a problem this time?
No, not at all. It was never a problem before. I planned on testing clean in the last fight, and I’m going to test clean in this fight like all the other fighters, so that’s not even an issue. You get some of your freedoms screwed with, with the commission being as tight and all. But they own the shit and they run the shit. They’ve been manipulating us from the beginning. We’re not stupid, and I feel like we should stand up for our rights. If guys want to do steroids in this sport, then power to ‘em. I don’t do steroids, I’m not into chemicals or needles, it completely freaks me out. I don’t even do Advil. But if these guys want to do steroids, I would like them to do steroids.

(Wait, so if he isn’t banging Patrcyja, who is he banging? Uh oh.)

Grab a cup of coffee and settle in…

— UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste gets a crash course in BJJ. Yes, it’s hot. (MMA Rated)

— Nate Diaz vs. Josh Neer is the official headlining bout of the next UFC Fight Night (September 17th, Omaha); Mac Danzig, Clay Guida, Houston Alexander, Joe Lauzon, and Ed Herman are also on the card. Not sure what Neer has done to deserve a main event spot, but hey, Joe Silva works in mysterious ways. (ufc.com)

— In one of the preview videos on the official “Seek and Destroy” website, Dana White says Roger Huerta and Kenny Florian “have hearts the size of Tito’s fuckin’ head.” (87.ufc.com)

— Contrary to previous horrified speculation, Tim Sylvia is not banging Patrcyja Mikula. (MMAyou)

— Come on, you knew that Affliction wasn’t just going to use a regular ring for their totally Xtreme debut event. (BloodyElbow)

— Frank Trigg’s next fight will be against Makoto Takimoto (4-4) at Sengoku IV, which goes down August 24th in Saitama, Japan. (Nightmare of Battle)

— Edith Labelle adores The Notebook, has a Yorkie named Chico, and burps very loudly when she’s alone. And knowing is half the battle. (Men’s Fitness)

— The Association of Boxing Commissions was just kidding about their changes to the Unified Rules of MMA. (Fightlinker)

— Security-tape beating of the day: pizza shop employee vs. robber = large FAIL with double anchovies. (Holy Taco)

— Budweiser is now owned by foreigners. (Wall Street Fighter)

(Nate and Nick Diaz; July 4th, 1993)

Karl Noons, Sr. on the Diaz Brothers situation: “We were just enjoying the moment. I heard Nick in the left-hand corner trying to push into the interview and try to dis. I retorted back that, you know, that’s uncool and back and forth, and next thing I know [Nate Diaz] throws a bottle at me after throwing his middle fingers. And then pushing from them came and then I just chased him on the ring, hit him, and then I came back in and grabbed Nick. Bottom line is, major disrespect. [It was] the last thing I ever thought would happen, you know, after my son winning a great fight. Bottom line is, on record, those Diaz brothers are just punks from Stockton and they’ve got no respect. They’re just punks, and I hope we don’t see them out tonight.”

Nick Diaz, by way of rebuttal: “I was there to hype up the rematch when KJ’s dad tried to attack us. I think that when he’s that drunk he should stay at home and watch the fights from his couch.”

(Props: Fightline)