(Negative side effects of TRT: Bacne. Positive side effects: Falcon Punch.) 

My God, today’s NSAC meeting, which determined both Chael Sonnen’s future ability to continue legal injecting steroids testosterone replacement therapy and Nick Diaz’s minimum retirement length was like watching Lawrence of Arabia, twice, minus all of the train explosions and shots of interesting desert landscapes. To describe the six hour hearing in a word: humdrum. Thankfully, we’ll be much briefer in summing up what went down.

To kick off the afternoon, Sonnen was successful in achieving a therapeutic use exemption for testosterone replacement therapy, and now joins the like of Dan Henderson, Todd Duffee, and Shane Roller in the select group of MMA fighters to receive an exemption from the Nevada State Athletic Commission. As far as interesting developments go, Sonnen admitted that he injected himself with testosterone, stating, ”I administer two times a week, every Sunday and Thursday. It’s self-injected intermusculatory and [I] consider it to be a prescription.” When Commissioner Pat Lundvall asked why Sonnen had never listed using testosterone on his medical forms over the past few years, Sonnen stated that he was under the impression that it wasn’t something that needed to be disclosed. He also stated under oath that he “has never taken anabolic steroids.”

In another interesting moment, which took place before the hearing truly began, Keith Kizer likened TRT to “the new Viagra” as doctors continue to push it on the population and that “Therapuetic Use Exemptions do not allow you to test outside of normal ranges. It only allows for presence of synthetics.” Does this make Sonnen TRT’s Smiling Bob? Only time will tell.

(Come at me, NSAC!)

UFC welterweight contender Nick Diaz has sued the Nevada State Athletic Commission for allegedly violating his right to due process and for alleged violations of statutory law. Diaz’s suit petitions the court to stay the summary suspension given to Diaz by the NSAC and to prohibit the NSAC from going forward with additional disciplinary proceedings.

And, oh yeah, Diaz says he is ready to fight “immediately,” should the court rule in his favor, in a sworn affidavit released by his attorney. “On February 7th, 2012, the UFC’s President publicly announced that Mr. Condit agreed to an immediate rematch against me. It is my understanding that the winner of that rematch will be offered a contest against Georges St-Pierre, the current UFC welterweight champion,” Diaz said.

Top 10 beard-for-beard MMA reporter Luke Thomas has more details, many of which will fly over your head if you’re not a law student:

Radio show host Jim Rome had the dubious honor yesterday of informing UFC President Dana White of the Nevada State Athletic Commission‘s denial of a license for heavyweight Alistair Overeem and their ruling that he would not be allowed to reapply for nine months. White responded by saying he assumed Overeem would have gotten a more severe punishment and that he is unsure if Alistair will still have a job with the UFC.

“I thought he would get a year. Easily a year,” White said. “I’m not a fan at all. You’re not going to hear me today on your radio show defending Alistair Overeem. Believe me.”

Luckily for Alistair, White has brought back plenty of guys who have failed drug tests or otherwise violated the law. Hell, Alistair has already failed a drug test so he might be a felony away from receiving a title shot when and if he returns. But for Overeem to blow it so epically when so much was on the line? That might be unforgivable.

“I know he lied to me,” White told Rome. “I don’t like it…if they’ll sit in front of you and lie to your face, [they're] not the kind of guys I want to do business with.”

Check out audio from Rome’s interview with Uncle Dana after the jump.

(Now Mo, you’re going to have to be more original than that if you expect to get paid on the streets.) 

Quinton Jackson must be seething with rage right now. As you may recall, following his January 7th second round TKO victory over Lorenz Larkin at Strikeforce: Rockhold vs. Jardine, Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal tested positive for Drostanolone. Shortly thereafter, Mo acquired a particularly brutal case of staph infection that nearly took his life, but the bad news wasn’t over yet.

King Mo appeared before the Nevada State Athletic Commission yesterday to receive his punishment, which was rather standard — a 9 month suspension, a 30% fine of his $80,000 purse, the surrendering of his win bonus, and his bout with Larkin being overturned to a no-contest. However, things took a weird turn after chairperson Pat Lundvall, when referring to the information Lawal knowingly falsified on his pre-fight medical documents, called into question that of Lawal’s ability to read and understand English. Needless to say, Mo was rather insulted by such an accusation, and took to Twitter, where he promptly screwed himself royally.

Follow us after the jump for the full story. 

(In Stockton, even the superheroes are on drugs.) 

Considering that Nick Diaz has stated he is done fighting MMA, a notion that his own brother believes he will hold true to, perhaps this news is ultimately a moot point. Regardless, after Diaz tested positive for marijuana metabolites following his unanimous decision loss to Carlos Condit at UFC 143, he was handed a one year suspension by the Nevada State Athletic Commission, probably to give him some time to think about this whole retirement issue.

Well if Diaz’s lawyer, Ross Goodman, has his way, Diaz could have the option to return to MMA sooner than he thinks, should he decide to. Yes, it appears Goodman filed a response challenging the commission’s ruling yesterday, claiming that since Diaz tested positive for “marijuana metabolites” and not marijuana, he should therefore be exempt from any punishment, as marijuana metabolites are not on the NSAC’s list of banned substances: Here’s what he told ESPN.com in a recent interview:

Marijuana is the only substance that is prohibited; not marijuana metabolites. The basis to discipline Mr. Diaz is that he tested positive for a prohibited substance. We know he didn’t test positive for marijuana. So, you look to see at WADA [World Anti-Doping Agency] whether marijuana metabolites are prohibited. They do not prohibit it in any category. You have to test positive for marijuana, as opposed to this inactive ingredient Nick did.

If there’s nothing in the rules prohibiting marijuana metabolites, why are we here?

(You know who had that look in his eyes? Chris Benoit.) 

Dave Herman’s recent failed pre-fight drug test and subsequent removal from his bout with Mike Russow has sparked debate across the web in regards to marijuana’s power (or lack thereof) as a performance enhancing drug. Some are saying Herman should have been pulled from the fight based on the illegality of the drug alone, a tough issue to deny. However, several studies have shown that certain strands of marijuana can provide a healing effect to the nervous system and could dramatically expedite the healing process of inflamed joints, which could prove incredibly beneficial to someone in the fight game.

Annie Appleseed Project, an alternative treatment foundation, has furthered research on the healing effect of marijuana, particularly to that of damaged nerves. They concluded that marijuana, in fact, can aid the nervous system beyond that of even morphine. Andrew Rice, a senior lecturer in pain at London’s Imperial College, had the following to say about marijuana’s ability to rehabilitate:

(Sonnen throwing a kick? That’s got to be photoshopped.)

Looks like Chael Sonnen’s desire to “clear the air” with the Nevada State Athletic Commission will have to wait a bit longer. According to multiple reports out this week, the UFC middleweight’s late-April meeting with the NSAC was postponed on Wednesday because – get this – his status as a confessed felon prohibits him from traveling to Nevada during the legendary Laughlin River Run motorcycle rally. Apparently, this comes as a result of an obscure Nevada law designed to help curb violence between biker gangs, after a wild 2002 brawl and shoot-’em-up between the Mongols and Hells Angels left three dead inside Harrah’s Casino.

Man, we would’ve loved to see Sonnen’s face when his probation officer called to give him the news. For some reason, the whole the idea of Chael Sonnen having a PO just tickles us to death and the fact that his legal status now lumps him in with your average Gypsy Joker, Warlock and Pagan is particularly hilarious. Knowing what we know about Sonnen, we’re betting the recent loss of some of his previously inalienable rights as an American citizen really burns his ass.

If you’ve ever wanted to see what a Nevada State Athletic Commission hearing looks like from the inside, you might be interested in these videos (courtesy of CageWriter), which show Karo Parisyan getting reamed for his painkiller use, Phil Nurse defending his own reputation, and BJ Penn crying for justice.  In the above clip, Karo explains why he took those unapproved meds, and throws himself on the mercy of the commission. The "drifting in and out of the state of reality" line comes at 5:54, and the ruling begins at 7:48, where Commissioner John Bailey lays down the suspension and fine, and suggests that in the future, a mixed martial artist’s entire win bonus should be forfeited if he tests positive for banned substances.

Below, Nurse admits that in retrospect, his use of Vaseline during the St. Pierre/Penn fight "doesn’t look good," and gets grilled about it while BJ Penn stares him down at the other end of the table. After the jump: Penn comes out against all forms of cheating, one commission member basically calls bullshit on the idea that you can ingest something that makes you slippery, and another is just glad that GSP didn’t beat him to death. Plus, Penn’s lawyer Raffi Nahabedian calls for a full-scale investigation on Lubrigate.

(Parisyan was also "strongly encouraged" to get an eyebrow-wax. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

It seems like our earlier post on today’s Penn/St. Pierre NSAC hearing contained a bit of foreshadowing. Yes, fights in Nevada can be overturned if one of the fighters was using banned substances, and Karo Parisyan just learned that the hard way. "The Heat" was busted last month after testing positive for three different painkillers following his three-round snoozer with Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 94. Well, the verdict has finally come down, and Parisyan has been nailed with a nine-month suspension, a $32,000 fine (40% of his total purse), and the official voiding of his split-decision victory against Kim. That fight will now be known as a "no decision," which means that Kim is still technically undefeated. As Sherdog reports:

(The greasing heard ’round the world. Photo courtesy of NBC Sports.)

Following repeated arguments from BJ Penn that Georges St. Pierre‘s cornermen improperly used vaseline during their UFC 94 fight in January, the Nevada State Athletic Commission will meet today in Las Vegas at 9 a.m. PT to discuss what action, if any, should be taken against Phil Nurse and Greg Jackson.

Though Penn wants the fight to be changed to a no-contest, that scenario is unlikely; as NSAC executive director Keith Kizer explained to Sherdog, an MMA bout in Nevada can only be ruled a no-contest after the fact if scorecards were added incorrectly, if a referee or judge was paid off to influence the fight, if the referee misinterpreted a rule that effected the fight’s outcome, or if there was the use of non-approved drugs or steroids. Kizer explained that the actual purpose of today’s hearing was to prevent controversial greasing situations from happening in the future: