(Shogun‘s hands are so heavy, he can barely lift them by the end of round two. Photo courtesy of ESPN.)

Did all our hand-wringing change nothing? According to reports today from MMA Weekly and SuperLutas, Mauricio Rua has signed a bout agreement to be the first challenger for Lyoto Machida‘s light-heavyweight title, in a fight that will come sometime this fall — most likely at UFC 104 in Los Angeles. How official is this news? Well, the UFC hasn’t announced it yet, and Machida has only put a question mark over the photo of Rampage on his website. But it’s looking like a done deal, unless Machida has a crisis of conscience and refuses to sign his own bout agreement, on the grounds that all Shogun did to deserve a title shot was beat up two broken-down former champs who came in with an average age of 41.5. Unfortunately, Machida seems like one of those "I’ll fight whoever the UFC puts in front of me" type-guys, so there you go. Don’t hurt him too bad, Lyoto…

(Props: Nightmare of Battle)

Masanori Kanehara thinks you can, and at his open workout in Tokyo he told media members that that’s how he intends to beat Chan Sung Jung, also known as “The Korean Zombie,” (that’s who he’s supposedly preparing for in the above photo, but man what a cheap zombie mask) in the Sengoku featherweight Grand Prix.  Conventional wisdom has always held that the best way to deal with a zombie is by destroying the brain or removing the head, preferably by doing something awesome/gruesome.  

But the rear naked choke?  I guess that could work, though your risk of getting bitten while sinking in the choke seems pretty high.  Still better than an armbar or guillotine choke, though.  And don’t even think about trying to heelhook one of those suckers.

Basically, to sum up: if there is a zombie attack and you are forced to choose which MMA fighter to team up with until the whole thing blows over, Demian Maia is probably not your safest pick.  Your first instinct might be to go with Fedor Emelianenko, but lest you forget, he’s lived with some fear issues when it comes to darkness.  Something to think about.

On a related note, the zombie embodies man’s fear of the crushing force of society and conformity.  Discuss.

If we can believe half of the rumors we hear, this is going to be a busy summer for UFC champs.  According to Fighters Only, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson is slated to get a shot at whoever has the belt around his waist after Rashad Evans and Lyoto Machida go at it at UFC 98.  That fight is tentatively scheduled for August, perhaps even at UFC 102, the event still shrouded in mystery and speculation.  

If that’s the case, that would put it a mere three months after the Evans/Machida clash.  As you clever devils no doubt recall, Evans balked at fighting at UFC 96 in March because he’d just fought at UFC 92 in December, so you know he’s no fan of the quick turnaround.  Plus, there’s the injury factor to consider.  If Machida wins chances are he will have sustained no damage in the fight, since he can probably count the number of times he’s actually been punched in the face.  But if Evans wins it’s kind of a lot to ask for him to defend his title again three months later.

This is exactly why you need to save your sick days at your job.  No one’s going to believe it when you call in and tell them you came down with a bad case of shingles an hour before you’re supposed to work a double.  Trust me.

Ryan Reser (above, right) is said to be one the United States’ best hopes in judo at this summer’s Olympics in Beijing, but apparently that doesn’t mean he isn’t still chapped about judo being largely ignored in the U.S. while MMA enjoys a growing a fan base. From a story in yesterday’s New York Times:

“It blows me away and upsets me because we’re not to that level,” he said at the Olympic judo trials in Las Vegas. “We’ve been doing a lot of that stuff all along. Not the punching and kicking, but the arm bars and chokes.”

[...]

Reser is hoping that the M.M.A. crowd will watch judo during the Olympics. He said the similarity between the two sports would lend to natural crossover appeal. And maybe get some athletes intrigued by the M.M.A. cage wearing a gi.

“We’re just not a very big sport,” he said. “We have a lot of judo, but it’s spread across the United States. It’s hard for us to get partners and news coverage. We’re hoping we can get more interest in judo.”

This is the second time in the recent lead-up to the Olympics that we’ve heard a judo-lover expressing frustration over the lack of interest in the sport stateside. First it was Karo Parisyan, and now Reser, who says he’s taken up training with some MMA fighters to learn a few new tricks. I’m not going to point out that the issue of “crossover appeal” for an Olympic sport that incorporates one aspect of MMA only reinforces my belief that MMA (which incorporates all the aspects of MMA) should be an Olympic sport all its own.

Instead, I’m going to hypothesize that crossover appeal is never the issue with the Olympics. Not really.

Forrest Griffin head-butts football helmets for fun.

(Props MMA on Tap)

Randy Couture may be doing “The Sopranos: Biker Gang” very soon.

Bonus: For a Randy vs. Kurt Angle update, go here.

Sean Hannity weighs in on the controversial subject of kids in MMA. In a nutshell, he’s a giant-sized bag of douche.

(Props BloodyElbow)

And since our posted video of Marcus Aurelio’s armbarring of Ryan Roberts has already been pulled by the UFC, here it is again — until this one is pulled by Dana White, of course.

But let’s be honest. The most important video is after the jump…

— Dana White and Randy Couture have a dinner date on Tuesday to discuss Couture’s future with the UFC.

— Kimbo Slice says he will likely fight at EliteXC’s next event, which takes place in February. Though it’s mentioned nowhere in the story, MMAFightline uses its headline to throw in a completely unfounded rumor about Tank Abbott. That’s what we like to call “aggressive journalism.”

— HDNet Fights’ next event will be on December 15th in Dallas. The 10-fight card — named “Reckless Abandon” (!) — will feature bouts between Jason “Mayhem” Miller and Sean Salmon, and Frank Trigg against Edwin Dewees.

— Carlos Newton and Maurice Smith are out as IFL coaches.

— The first date on Amy Winehouse’s new tour didn’t go so well.

Though the featured weight division hasn’t been announced yet, the fighter application for the seventh season of TUF is now online. Be warned that one of the questions in the application is “Have you used any form of steroids in the past year? (PLEASE BE HONEST ALL APPLICANTS WILL BE TESTED!)”

Applications are due November 26, so get hustlin’ on your highlight reel…