(I may not know how to buy a house, but if you give me fifteen minutes I WILL make a four percolator bong out of this.) 

Man, the UFC marketing department intern in charge of Lorenzo Fertitta’s Twitter account must be working overtime these past few days. Aside from announcing the Mir/Velasquez, Griffin/Ortiz, and Overeem/JDS fights last night, “Lorenzo” recently held a Twitter Q & A session to set the record straight on this whole Nick Diaz/Puff the Magic Dragon thing. And even if Diaz is planning to retire, his contract with the UFC will remain. You know, just in case he gets the sudden desire to fight B.J. Penn, Karo Parisyan, or Joe Riggs again in some small promotion somewhere.

When asked about Diaz’s Zuffa future, Fertitta was quick to respond, “[I] really like the kid [he] just needs to get it together. I’m a sap for real fighters.” We know, Lorenzo.

We don’t want you to argue about whether or not marijuana should be considered a banned substance, or illegal for that matter, because we already have. Needless to say, if anyone out there actually thinks weed enhances anything but zombie mode on Call of Duty and the enjoyment of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, then they are clearly unfamiliar with the term “enhance.” What we are interested in is what kind of punishment you think Diaz should receive for violating a rule, as silly as it may be. Three months? Six months? A year? Well, barring a successful appeal, which, come on, it’s looking like it will be a year or more before we see Diaz in the octagon, if at all.

Perhaps even more hilarious than the predicament Diaz has put himself in was how the MMA community responded to his failed drug test. Check out some of the best tweets, compiled by MMAFighting.com, after the jump.

By Mike Russell

We know the suspense has been killing you, so we’re just going to break it to you.

Apparently Nick Diaz partook in the stick icky a little too close to his UFC 143 welterweight interim title bout with Carlos Condit as the Nevada State Athletic Commission has announced this afternoon that the Stockton native’s post-fight urinalysis came back positive for marijuana metabolites.

According to NSAC executive director Keith Kizer, 18 of the 22 fighters who competed on Saturday night’s card were tested and only Diaz yielded a positive result.

Carlos Condit, Fabricio Werdum, Josh Koscheck, Renan Barao, Ed Herman, Dustin Poirier, Max Hollaway, Matt Riddle, Henry Martinez, Edwin Figueroa, Alex Caceres, Matt Brown, Chris Cope, Rafael Natal, Michael Kuiper, Stephen Thompson and Dan Stittgen were also tested.

(Maybe this is why the Condit fight ain’t happening?)

According to Nevada State Athletic Commission executive director Keith Kizer, an unnamed fighter that competed on Saturday night’s UFC 143 card in Las Vegas had a drug test come back positive for an unspecified substance.

Here’s Kizer’s quote from an email we received today:

“Thank you for the many email and phone calls.  I am still waiting for all the steroid and drug test results to come back.  We did have at least one positive test.  I will send out an email later today on that matter.”

(I got you now you son of a…wait, where’d you go?) 

A great man once said that if you tweet it, they will come. Yes it seems that after days of tireless bitching reasonable pleas, we will in fact be treated to a Carlos Condit/Nick Diaz rematch in the near future. DW broke the news yesterday via his Twitter (go figure):

By Elias Cepeda

(‘The Mazz’ making sure things don’t get started before the bell Saturday night.)

With all the talk of how the judges scored last weekend’s UFC 143 main event between Carlos Condit and Nick Diaz, CagePotato thought it would be interesting to shift the focus and speak with the man charged with mediating the fight – referee Steve Mazzagatti. In this exclusive conversation, the veteran top ref and occasional owner of one of the best mustaches in all of MMA, talks about Dana White’s hate for him, bitch slaps, shit talking and much more.

(How can you say no to that face?) 

Aside from its placement atop nearly every MMA fan’s “Favorite Fights” list, Stephan Bonnar and Forrest Griffin‘s war at the first TUF Finale is widely considered to be the fight responsible for popularizing MMA into the near mainstream sport it is today. Well, believe it or not, that fight almost didn’t happen on account of Bonnar’s uncontrollable desire for bottom shelf alcohol, specifically, Mad Dog. Although Bonnar has told this story with a slightly different spin before, Dana White recently discussed the craziness that was the first season of The Ultimate Fighter, and how Bonnar almost got himself kicked off the show:

The first season of the ‘Ultimate Fighter’ was the longest season we’ve ever done. It was something like 8 weeks and those guys were losing their (expletive) minds. I almost kicked (Stephan) Bonnar off the show. 

Bonnar turned the shower on, climbed out the window and went to find a liquor store. Remember we took all the liquor out after that big fight? These idiots…we had been driving these guys around for six or seven weeks and the house is in the middle of nowhere. There was no liquor store near there. The guy was walking around for an hour and thirty minutes. So much crazy (expletive) happened that first season. Imagine if I had kicked off him off the show for going to a liquor store? Forrest (Griffin) and Stephan would have never happened. 

No Dana, we would not like to imagine a world in which Griffin/Bonnar never existed. We’d rather imagine one in which Motley Crue serenades our lovemaking sessions with Adriana Lima, thank you very much.

We’re big fans of Masato Toys’ MMA action figure series, so when we saw his latest work on the first issue of MMAtional Enquirer, we knew our readers would dig it too.

Besides Roger Huerta and Tito on TMZ, we haven’t really had any MMA luminaries who have gotten much attention from the tabloids. Not sure that’s a bad thing, but it’s likely to change as the sport grows and gets more mainstream.

We had our suspicions about Roy, but the Arianny-Ariel affair surprised the hell out of us us since you’ve got to fight to love her.

Check out the inside of the rag after the jump.

By Elias Cepeda

(“I am not im-pressed wit my lack of title de-fense.”)

It’s time to strip Georges St. Pierre of his UFC welterweight championship.

Ok, perhaps not at this very moment, but come May 1, it will have been over a year since the UFC champ has defended his 170lb strap. St. Pierre hasn’t run from challenges or fights, he’s just had several consecutive knee injuries (the most recent one, a torn ACL that required surgery to repair) that have forced him to pull out of scheduled belt defenses.

Carlos Condit just won a razor-thin interim title bout against Nick Diaz at UFC 143, but would have to wait until the new year is almost over before being able to fight GSP. The Canadian says he won’t be ready to fight again until November. Unfortunately, we’ve seen these situations in the UFC before and a standard has emerged of champions needing to defend their titles at least once a year. In 2004, UFC heavyweight champ Frank Mir was in a motorcycle accident that put him on the shelf. Initially, when it was unknown if and when he would return, an interim title was created and was won by Andrei Arlovski. When it was clear that Mir would go longer than a year without defending his belt, the interim champ was made the “full” champ. It wasn’t about punishing Mir, it was simply about letting the division continue, with significant matchups made and fights promoted well.

Even GSP seems to agree that he shouldn’t be considered the UFC champion while going so long without defending the gold. “The way I see it, I am not the champion anymore on Saturday night. I have not fought since April, against my will, but I understand the champion must fight. You have to put the belt on the line in order to call yourself champion, the best in the world. Right now I am not the best in the world, I am injured,” he told UFC.com shortly before UFC 143.

(Apparently after this loss, Max Holloway decided to change his nickname from “Lil’ Evil” to “Blessed,” likely because taking Jens Pulver’s nickname REALLY lets opponents know where your weakness lies.) 

Aside from bitterly dividing fans on what exactly constitutes a fight, UFC 143 left us with a lot of unanswered questions. Should Carlos Condit consider a nickname change?* Will Dustin Poirier get the next shot at Jose Aldo?** Is Nick Diaz really calling it quits?*** Though only time will truly calm our concerns, we’re going to make some bold predictions for Saturday’s winners and losers nonetheless, because that’s how we do things ’round here. Check out our matchmaking picks below, and let us know what you think in the comments section.

Nick Diaz: Perhaps the most impressive thing about Nick Diaz is that, despite his intellectual shortcomings, he maintains an ability to instill fear into whomever he fights. His cardio, striking attack, and Jiu Jitsu are second to none and just plain SCARY, but it is the man’s confidence, his willingness to relentlessly pursue and trade with anyone, that breaks even the strongest of competitors. Going into a fight with Diaz, you know you aren’t going to submit him, and you know it’s damn near impossible to knock the SOB out, so what the fuck are you supposed to do?

(“If you’re gonna tease me, at least let me shove this down your shorts, homie.”)

The Nevada State Athletic Commission today released the salaries for Saturday night’s UFC 143: Diaz vs. Condit event at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas.

The entire payroll for the show, which was attended by 10,040 fans and earned a reported live gate of $2.3 million, was $880,500.

Nick Diaz took home the biggest paycheck out of the night’s combatants with $200,000, not including discretionary back room bonuses which are rumored to have brought Diaz’s payday to the $1 million range. The next highest payout went to Josh Koscheck, who doubled up on his $73,000 base salary with his razor-close win over Mike Pierce, bringing him to $146,000. In third was Carlos Condit, who took home $110,000 for his win over Diaz including a $55,000 win bonus.

Fabricio Werdum’s UFC salary remained the same as his Strikeforce one as he netted his customary $100,000 flat rate for his win over Roy Nelson, who is still at the lower end of the pay scale of the UFC’s upper-echelon of fighters thanks to his TUF contract. To put it in perspective, Scott Jorgensen took home $500 more than “Big Country” for his loss to Renan Barao, while Mike Pierce matched salaries with the former heavyweight IFL champ.

“I want you to hit me as hard as you can.”

I am Sean McCorkle’s Bruised Ego.

Anymore, you learn about bruises in comic books — all heavy cross-hatching and lilac purple contrasting American Red and Cornflower Blue.  Children today never get a chance to know hurt.  The woods are clear-cut.  Toys are shatter proof and non-toxic. The playgrounds are low.  Rounded.  Cushioned.

Twenty years ago, you cut your hand open on an axe and ran a mile back home, and maybe you got stitched up.

Twenty years ago, nobody knew anything about game-planning for a fight.  Men who all knew little pieces of fighting tactics — what would they know of strategy?  To plan past the third haymaker was beyond many of them.

Anymore, people fight like it’s some kind of job, like they’re trying to make money out of it.  People who watch these fights, they talk like it’s some sort of highest form of competition with safety rules and scoring rules and “Octagon control”.

Not for nothing, but these guys don’t want to talk about how those early days were so special.  How watching two walking slabs of beef hurl themselves at one another was like watching Wild Kingdom with people.  Survival of the fittest.  Kill or be killed.  No one wants to talk about the boner they get for names like Paul Herrera, Steve Nelmark, Jeremy Bullock.

“Where I come from, people who lose close fights retire.” Props: UFC.com

While watching UFC 143 from the comfort of my favorite dive bar last night, I knew that MMA fans would be waging war on the internet over the fights that went the distance. Between the two point deduction that cost “Bruce Leroy” his fight against Edwin Figueroa and Josh Koscheck’s close fight with the “undeserving” Mike Pierce, I knew that I could expect a long-winded, philosophical debate over what constitutes a fight and what doesn’t- whether abstract concepts like “control” and “aggression” mean more than punches thrown, and whether takedowns earned and stuffed negate an inferior striking display. Naturally, this debate would include a lot of ad hominems and off topic ranting, because that’s just par for the course online.

And that was before the main event of the evening, which saw Carlos Condit earn a close decision over Nick Diaz. Carlos Condit used backward and lateral footwork while outstriking Nick Diaz, yet many fans felt that Nick Diaz should have won the fight. Before the fight even ended, the debate already began on whether “Octagon control” necessarily means “the guy moving forward”, and whether counter-punchers should automatically be considered less aggressive than their opponents. Judging from the comments sections of today’s articles, that debate won’t be ending any time soon.

Benjamin Disraeli once said that there are three types of lies: Lies, damned lies and statistics. For the time being, let’s move our arguments about last night’s fights past the first two. Let’s now turn our focus towards the statistics from last night’s close decisions. FightMetric’s breakdowns of Riddle vs. Martinez, Figueroa vs. Caceres, Koscheck vs. Pierce and, of course, Diaz vs. Condit have been published, and are available after the jump.

“Come on, Nick. Tell us how you *really* feel.” (Video: ZombieProphet)

Though he fought in a cage only ten yards wide, Nick Diaz must have felt like he was fighting on a football field last night. For five rounds he stalked Carlos Condit but was unable able to pin him in any of the Octagon’s eight corners. In true Stockton fashion, he never stopped pressing forward and was always the aggressor, but did he exhibit ‘Octagon Control’? As we generally define the term, yes. As it’s actually defined, no. Diaz didn’t want to keep circling and chasing Condit; he wanted to trap him against the cage and unload merciless combinations–basically, to fight him in a phone booth. The reason he didn’t was because Condit executed his game plan perfectly and dictated the flow of the fight. Even if that wasn’t the case and Diaz was in full control of the bout, let’s not start pretending that we love nothing more than a fight full of ‘Octagon Control’. As fans we value effective striking and grappling above position and pace. So too should the judges.

(Don’t be a hero. Just throw your lunch money onto the stage with everybody else’s. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com For more photos from this set, click here.)

Tonight, the UFC is putting an interim welterweight belt on the line, to be decided by two gamebred sons-of-bitches who go out to take scalps, not win points. If Nick Diaz vs. Carlos Condit isn’t a thrilling fight, I’ll eat my hat. Plus: Roy Nelson welcomes Fabricio Werdum back to the Octagon, Josh Koscheck slugs it out with his evil twin Mike Pierce, and Scott Jorgenson does his best to snap the 27-fight win streak of Renan Barao.

Handling play-by-play for tonight’s action is interim liveblog champion Aaron Mandel. Follow us after the jump for live results from the UFC 143 pay-per-view card, beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and please use the comments section to let us know how we can better serve you.

Props: Youtube.com/UFC

With only a few hours until the main card of UFC 142, and only one day until Super Bowl XLVI, we’re killing two birds with one stone with this video of current (and former) NFL players making their predictions for tonight’s main event. In yet another example of how far our sport has come towards gaining mainstream acceptance, the seven players interviewed genuinely seem to be fans of mixed martial arts as they pick Nick Diaz over Carlos Condit, five votes to two.

Obviously, FOX Football Analyst Michael Strahan seems to deliver the most informed, thought out opinion on the fight as he explains his reasoning behind picking Nick Diaz to win. However, the rest of those interviewed aren’t too far behind him. Well, maybe not Eli Manning- though his stoic, soft spoken personality makes him hard to figure out.

(Vid Props to YouTube/MixedMartialArts)

Last night marked the end of a great run for the Primetime series as it followed the two fighters headlining tonight’s pay per view card. We’ve learned a lot more about Carlos Condit, the wayward youth turned loving father and professional fighter, while playing armchair psychologist to Nick Diaz along the way. The crews shadowing these two 24/7 did the heavy lifting, so we’ll just pop the video up above and make our little jokes after the jump.

Don’t blink- someone’s getting their ass motorboated tonight. (Video: YouTube/UFC)

Though reported to have gone down in Las Vegas, last night’s weigh-ins clearly took place in Bizarro World. How else could you explain a slim(mer) Roy Nelson, Josh Koscheck being the victim of bullying, and Nick Diaz comporting himself like a true gentleman?

We were denied a glimpse of “Big Medium Country” at the memorable UFC 137 weigh-ins back in October, but last night he tipped the scales some fourteen pounds lighter than he did when squaring off against Frank Mir last May. Could it be he’s serious about that drop to light heavyweight?

Koscheck hasn’t had much to say about his foe—aside from having to look him up after the fight was signed—but Mike Pierce provoked him further by donning a pretty accurate wig during their staredown. Considering that Pierce called him out in the first place, he either knows something we don’t or is setting himself up for a lesson in humility this evening.

And as for Diaz, there’s not much to say beyond how civilized he looked. No, he didn’t bro hug ‘Conduit‘ after the face-off, but the ruffian we know and love was nowhere to be seen. First a handshake at the presser, and now no mean mug? Could it be that the ‘Pride of Stockton’ has failed to muster up the hatred for his opponent that usually fuels his fights, and if so, does it even matter?

Full weigh-in results, and a closer look at the Diaz-Condit stare-down after the jump.

(“Hey, my eyes are up here, asshole.”)

Discussing MMA is a lot like discussing politics; what starts off as a friendly difference of opinion more than often spirals into an alcohol-fueled debate, rife with personal insults and name calling, before ending in a sloppy wrestling match that gets both parties banned from their boss’s wine tasting parties for life. Luckily, we have Doug “ReX13″ Richardson and Jared Jones here to dispute all things UFC 143, because frankly, we can’t make heads or tails outta this card.

Let’s kick things off how we normally do, with a completely offhand topic. Who wins the Super Bowl?

RX: Me, if the commercials are good and Bane blows up the stadium.  Let me guess, you’re a-

JJ: GO GIANTS!

RX: I hate you so hard, man.

JJ: First off, I’m not your buddy.

RX: But I never-

JJ: Eli Manning is to the Patriots what Dylan Klebold was to Columbine High School; he cannot be defeated, unless by that of his own doing. Giants 35-27.

RX: Wow…this has gotten off to a rough start. Can we just move on?

(Nick Diaz and Carlos Condit exchange a respectful handshake at Gladiator Man‘s funeral.)

Weigh-ins for tomorrow night’s UFC 143: Diaz vs. Condit event are scheduled to get rollin’ today at 7 p.m. ET / 4 p.m. PT in Las Vegas. You can watch the action right here on CagePotato.com, in the video player after the jump. Will Nick Diaz start talking shit during the staredown? What can Roy Nelson possibly do to top his last weigh-in appearance? And will the Fabricio Werdum smirk of insanity make its UFC debut? Keep your browser parked right here to find out, and be sure to come back tomorrow night at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT for our liveblog of the UFC 143 main card.

(Video courtesy of FightArtsFandom)

If you need a reminder how Saturday night’s main event between Carlos Condit and Nick Diaz came to be, “FightArtsFandom” AKA, Will Banh has crafted this succinct little animated video to refresh your memory.

After the jump, he gives us a glimpse of who, besides the Nevada penal system, might stand a chance against Alistair Overeem.

By Mike Russell

If you didn’t know any better, you would assume by looking at the odds for Saturday night’s UFC 143 main event interim welterweight title fight between Nick Diaz and Carlos Condit that betting on Diaz would earn you some easy money.

Fortunately this isn’t pro-wrestling and bout outcomes aren’t pre-determined, because Condit hasn’t followed the scripts written for him by the bookies for most of his fights and he doesn’t plan on starting at this point of his career.

“I’m probably the underdog as far as the betting lines go, but that’s where I’ve been my whole career,” he explains with a shrug. “I’m excited for this fight. I know I have all of the tools to come out on top. I’m motivated and am in shape. I’ve been training since July for this fight. I had some cancellations and some change-ups, but I stayed focus on making sure I’m ready.”

(Be careful, Josh! If you eat all of those sour grapes too fast, you might choke!) 

It’s been a while since we’ve heard Josh Koscheck make an offhand remark that has in turn reminded us of his decreasing necessity amongst the welterweight division. Most of us assumed his recent quiescence was possibly linked to an inability to digest the five course serving of humble pie that Georges St. Pierre stuffed down his throat (and eye socket) back at UFC 124, and it appears we were correct. In a recent interview with Ariel Helwani, Koscheck discussed everything from his upcoming UFC 143 fight with Mike Pierce to his dislike for the media and his thoughts on GSP’s recent injuries. And wouldn’t you know it, Koscheck doesn’t want the man who beat him twice to ever come back. Here’s what he had to say:

I’m interested in the outcome of the Diaz vs. Condit fight on Saturday night. Should be a good fight. Hopefully Georges is out for more than 10 months and they can make that Interim titleholder fight twice. Hopefully he never comes back. ACL surgeries can take a lot out of you. They say you truly don’t recover after those. I’ve had friends who have had those and they say they’re not the same so hopefully it equals out the playing field and we can get another crack at Georges. 

Let’s get this straight, you don’t want St. Pierre to return, so you can fight for a future shot against him? To quote Ignignokt, “your logic is flawless.”

Nick Diaz is unquestionably the most gangster fighter in MMA history. This Saturday at UFC 143, Diaz will face Carlos Condit for the UFC’s interim welterweight title. It’s safe to assume that Condit will be body-shotted and called a “bitch” at least once. Here’s a tribute to some of Diaz’s most gangsterish moments, in animated GIF form. Enjoy.

Related: Lock Your Car Door When You See This Crazy Shirtless Mofo

(Video courtesy of YouTube/THQ)

OK, we lied. THQ just let a couple of its interns fight each other in UFC: Undisputed 3 and the one using Nick Diaz won against Carlos Condit. There’s nothing scientific about their method that they claim is a result of a computer simulated formula, but in their defense they have been pretty damn accurate with their last few picks.

(Video courtesy of YOuTube/IronForgesIron)

If you missed the UFC 143 countdown show last night, don’t worry, we got you.

The more I hear Nick Diaz speak honestly and candidly, the more I’m a fan. This is a very tough fight to pick, but it will probably more than make up for last weekend’s snoozefest of a main event. I almost forgot that the rest of the card is as good as it is. Roy Nelson versus Fabricio Werdum and Josh Koscheck versus Mike Pierce both have “Fight of the Night” potential as well.

(Georges is so pumped to fight Diaz, he wears his fight gear while he hobbles around outside all of the local Stockton head shops.)

With all of the criticism Georges St-Pierre has gotten the past few years for his conservative style of fighting, sometimes people overlook just how much the dominant UFC welterweight kingpin purveys the blueprint of how a champion should act both inside and outside of the Octagon.

In a recent interview he did for UFC.com, St-Pierre said that because he hasn’t been active lately due to a pair of knee injuries, he doesn’t consider himself to be the UFC welterweight title holder anymore and that he will need to beat the winner of the interim title bout between Nick Diaz and Carlos Condit Saturday night to once again become the champ.

Today is truly a sad day for the MMA world, one that no amount of Office Space parodies or Korean television can resolve. For today, a great man has died, and therefore has taken a piece of us all with him. We’re talking, of course, about none other than the unacknowledged gladiator who’s trials and tribulations were once synonymous with the beginning of every UFC event. We’re talking about the nameless, faceless warrior who could grind sand into…well, sand, in the palm of his hand whilst an epic chorus sang in the background. Though we never knew what lied beyond the blinding white he so courageously stepped into night after night, it seems now that the mysterious abyss was in fact the UFC vault. The Underground was the first to break the story:

Tonight, UFC President Dana White revealed exclusively to the Underground that the opening sequence for its PPV broadcast has been redone and the new introduction will be revealed this Saturday for UFC 143. The event will feature Nick Diaz fighting Carlos Condit for the interim welterweight championship in the main event.

The opening sequence, which has shown a Roman gladiator preparing for battle has often been critiqued by fans and although the sequence hasn’t been used by the UFC on its FOX and Fuel TV broadcasts, it had been present as most recent as this past UFC 142.

To quote the UFC President directly: “He’s been cut.”

We know what you’re thinking, what does this mean for Stemm?

(In Stockton THIS IS style.)

The UFC’s marketing department Some random fan not at all affiliated with Zuffa released another one of his clever movie mash-ups today – this time featuring a clip of Nick Diaz from the latest UFC Primetime episode and and one from Office Space. We figured it was worthy of posting to make the reality of your Monday seem a little bit less harsh. We laughed.

Part II after the jump (Video: YouTube/RandomCoolStuffHD)

We’ll be treated to a free night of exciting fights on FOX in just a few hours, but there’s still plenty of time to discuss next weekend’s battle for the interim Welterweight title. The second episode of ‘UFC Primetime: Diaz vs Condit‘ hit the air last night. As if the video wasn’t enough, we’ve got your breakdown of the show just after the jump.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFC)

Nothing groundbreaking this time around, but I’m starting to agree with Nick Diaz about how it’s strange that the UFC expects fighters to be cordial and play nice before an event.