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Tag: Nick Diaz

The Greatest Erotic MMA Fan Fiction of All Time


(Come up with your own caption, perverts. / Photo via Getty)

UFC Fight Night 56 happened last night and it was pretty boring. During the lull in action, we wondered if there was a prominent MMA fan fiction scene. It turns out there was! The only drawback: A vast majority of the stories featured prominent fighters having sex with other prominent fighters.

We’re not really sure how to say this with our characteristic irreverent tone, so we’re just going to flat out say it: There’s a shit load of MMA slash fic out there. We found it. It’s…well, you need to see for yourself. We don’t like to exaggerate in the headlines but this stuff is far out.

Please don’t construe this as us trying to insult the author. We’re the guys who watch Ultimate Surrender, so we can’t judge how anyone gets their rocks off. We just thought these stories were kind of funny. We think it’s great someone is passionate enough about MMA to write this kind of stuff, honestly. Here are some excerpts from the more wild stories:

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Why Nick Diaz Has Everything to Lose Against Anderson Silva at UFC 183


(Silva vs. Diaz fan-made poster, via Shawn James)

By legendary CagePotato commenter/lurker “Old, Bald and Irish”

Of all of the upcoming matchups on the horizon for the UFC, one of them stands above the rest: Nick Diaz versus Anderson Silva at UFC 183.

Now, if this match happened two years ago, the hype would be off the charts. But today, the MMA community is looking at this event with curiosity rather than fevered passion. Sure. Eyeballs will be on this fight — mostly to see what Anderson Silva will look like in the ring following his horrific injury. But Nick Diaz as his opponent? Eh…maybe not so much.

What the hell happened?

It was just a short year-and-a-half ago when the MMA world was going wild for UFC 158: St-Pierre vs. Diaz (aka UFC 158: CANADA!…America’s Hat). This was MMA alchemy at its finest. Georges had defended his belt seven times and was clearly the king of his weight class. Nick was the trash talkin’, dope smokin’, Nashville brawlin’ fanboy favorite.

UFC 158 pulled in 950,000 pay-per-view buys. Not too shabby, especially compared to the buyrates the UFC has been pulling in lately. Both guys had hardcore MMA fan heat going in, but after St-Pierre dismantled Diaz, it proved what we pretty much knew going into the fight: Georges is a better wrestler, striker and tactician than Diaz. Period.

After beating up a past-his-prime BJ Penn, the “super fight” with St. Pierre did nothing to help Nick’s reputation. Quite the contrary, it damaged it even more and showed why Diaz isn’t on anyone’s Top 10 P4P list anymore. Now, after retiring “for realz” and spending nearly two years out of the cage (*COUGH* “ring rust” *COUGH*) Diaz is coming back to take on one of, if not the, greatest fighter in MMA history. What?

I’m looking for Nick’s silver lining, but short of a pot-fueled-double-middle-fingered-gogoplata or a pants-shitting-KO, I don’t see an upside for the scrappy pugilist from Stockton. Let’s take a few moments to be negative bastards and look at the probable and unfortunate near-future for the elder Diaz…

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Nick Diaz Pleads Not Guilty to DUI Charges


(And yes, that is how you formally enter a “not guilty” plea in Stockton. / Photo via NateDogg209)

According to an ESPN report, UFC welterweight Nick Diaz pleaded not guilty yesterday to eight DUI-related charges stemming from incidents in November 2013 and earlier this month. Diaz’s plea was entered in San Joaquin County Court in California, through his attorney Mandeep Singh Sidhu.* His next court appearance is slated for November 6th, less than three months before he’s scheduled to face Anderson Silva at UFC 183.

Diaz’s charges include DUI, DUI with an alcohol or drug level above .08, unsafe speed for prevailing conditions, failure to appear after written promise**, driving with a suspended license, and a resisting arrest charge that Diaz picked up while trying to vomit up his alcohol at the Lodi Police Department.

Lorenzo Fertitta and Dana White have both gone on record saying that Diaz’s superfight against Silva won’t be jeopardized by these charges as long as he deals with the situation and shows up for his court appearances, which is the just about the biggest “as long as” in MMA history. Not showing up is kind of what Diaz is known for.

I have two suggestions for the UFC at this point…

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Nick Diaz Arrested on Suspicion of DUI, Driving With a Suspended License, Destruction of Evidence [UPDATED, AGAIN]


(Oh, *now* you’re smiling?! / Nick Diaz mugshot via lodinews.com)

Because the Man is always trying to keep a good homey down, UFC welterweight star Nick Diaz was arrested in Lodi early last Saturday morning, September 6th, on suspicion of DUI, obstructing a police officer, destruction of evidence* and driving with a suspended license.

According to Sgt. Mike Kermgard of the Lodi Police Department, Diaz was arrested by Cpl. Eric Bradley at 2:20 a.m. after being stopped while driving down the 600 block of East Pine Street, wherever that is. Diaz is expected to be arraigned later this month.

The older brother of UFC lightweight Nate Diaz and estranged son of the Unabomber, Nick Diaz is scheduled to meet former middleweight champion Anderson Silva in a superfight at UFC 183 on January 31st. This incident will not interfere with that fight happening, trust me. We’ll pass along more details when we have them.

* I’m gonna take a wild guess and say, “he threw his weed out the window.” Nope. The truth is even more unsavory than that — Diaz caught the destruction of evidence and obstructing an officer charges when he tried to make himself throw up after the traffic stop. See Update #2 below.

UPDATE #1: The UFC has released a brief and comically vague statement on UFC.com…

We are aware of the situation and are in the process of gathering the facts. We understand that there is a legal process that will now take place and that Nick Diaz will have the opportunity to address the situation in the near future.

UPDATE #2: This was actually the second DUI charge that Diaz has picked up over the past ten months. Here’s the full story, via MMAFighting:

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LookOutaWhale’s Latest Creation Gives the Diaz-Riggs Hospital Brawl the Animated Treatment It Deserves

We all know the story of Nick Diaz‘s barnyard hospital brawl with Joe Riggs following their legal, in-ring brawl at UFC 57, but the real question is: Have we ever seen it set to wonky animation and with actual interview clips taken from Riggs and Diaz? Until now, that answer has been a dispiriting “no,” but thankfully, MMAnimation master lookoutawhale has bequeathed us with “The Animated Tales of Nick Diaz”, and my God is it glorious.

While “Diesel” may have come away the unanimous decision win at UFC 57, it was Diaz who won the “real” war. That’s according to Diaz himself, of course, but I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if the anti-bullshit superhero would embellish even the slightest detail of a story as infamous as this. Although if you ask me, Stockton’s finest should be thanking his lucky stars that Riggs wasn’t packing heat that night. Or maybe Riggs should be.

Check out “The Animated Tales of Nick Diaz” above, then let us know if you think Diaz’s undeniable realness will help him fare any better against Anderson Silva in January.

-J. Jones

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Gamblers Beware: The Early Odds for Anderson Silva vs. Nick Diaz Are…Not That Crazy, Actually


(Wait…Nick Diaz IS WHITE?!!! via r/MMA user joenottoast)

The MMAsphere suffered a collective Scanners.gif headsplosion when it was announced that Nick Diaz would be returning from a brief hiatus/retirement to face Anderson Silva at UFC 183 in January. While most of us were undeniably stoked at the idea of seeing Diaz Stockton Slap the G.O.A.T and/or seeing Silva unleash a Hadouken on Diaz’s jabroni ass, there were a few naysayers out there who were quick to dub this fight a “freak show” or “squash match.”

“Are you kidding me? Silva’s going to murder this chump!” said one Twitter expert whose name I cannot recall.

Pssh, Silva is done. The only thing left to do is have Diaz beat him into retirement,” said another, angrier group of tweeters in response.

And indeed, with Silva’s leg and Diaz’s mind remaining in constant question, the superfight has fiercely divided MMA fans who mistakenly fancy themselves psychics. But the important question, as is always the important question in these cases, is: What do the bookies think?

The answer might surprise you…

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Anderson Silva vs. Nick Diaz Booked for UFC 183, January 31st in Las Vegas


(More arm-gestures than you’ve ever seen in a 25-minute fight…GUARANTEED. / Photos via MMAFighting, Getty)

Hold on to your asses, fight fans. The potential Anderson Silva vs. Nick Diaz superfight has just become a freakin’ reality.

UFC president Dana White just announced on Sportscenter that Silva vs. Diaz is now official (!) for January 31st in Las Vegas. The five-round fight will serve as the main event of the UFC 183 pay-per-view card, and will be held at middleweight. A venue for the card has yet to be announced.

We have very few other details right now, but here’s a photo of Dana and Anderson smiling together.

No other fights have been confirmed for UFC 183 at this point, not that it matters — they already have our money, damn it.

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Nick Diaz Re-Signs With UFC (!), Anderson Silva Fight Possible for February 2015 (!!!)


(Your father would be so proud of you right now, Nick. / Photo via @danawhite)

The bad boy is back, baby. The UFC announced this evening that welterweight star Nick Diaz has signed a three-fight contract extension, and will tentatively return to action in early 2015, against an opponent to be named later. (Probably not Joe Riggs.)

Diaz has been “retired” since his decision loss to Georges St. Pierre in their title fight at UFC 158 in March 2013. Since then, the Mayor of Stockton™ has popped up here and there to threaten folks with an ass-whoopin’, but refused to return to the UFC unless it was for a title fight. Luckily, a 16-month vacation has changed his opinion. Sort of. Here’s what Diaz said to UFC.com about his current goals and what he’s been up to lately:

“I’ve been doing a whole lot of not getting punched around-type stuff,” Diaz said Thursday afternoon at UFC headquarters. “I’ve been staying in shape pretty good, doing a lot of running. It’s been a good experience having this much time off.”

The target for Diaz and the UFC is to get him back in the cage early next year, but the confident 30-year-old fighter said he’d be ready to fight tomorrow.

“Next year I guess, whatever though. I can fight tomorrow; tonight,” he said. “You have to do what you have to do. … [I came today] to sort things out with Dana White and Lorenzo [Fertitta].

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Fight Flicks Review: Fight Life Offers a Candid, If Well-Traveled Look Into the Mind of an MMA Fighter

There’s a moment early on in Fight Life in which Jake Shields laments (or comes as close to it as he can while retaining his trademark roboticness) the negative effects his career has had on his personal life.

“Everyone’s always like, ‘What are your hobbies?’ and unfortunately, I don’t really have any hobbies because MMA is my hobby, my job, my career. My whole life revolves around it at this point, you know?”

It’s a statement that both serves as the mission statement of the aptly named Fight Life and one that would perhaps support the idea that MMA fighters are not the most intriguing subjects around which to base a documentary. Fighters fight for their families, or to overcome demons from their past, or simply because it’s all they know. While these may be considered fresh revelations to the most casual of MMA fans, it’s nothing that a seasoned fan of the sport hasn’t been treated to a zillion times over in the lead-up to a UFC event or boxing match. As a result, Fight Life winds up feeling less like an intimate look into the personal lives of guys like Shields and Beerbohm and more like an 80-minute Countdown episode.

Chronicling the lives of Jake Shields and Lyle Beerbohm (among others) in the lead-up to their 2009 fights with Robbie Lawler and Duane Ludwig, respectively, the documentary from James Z. Feng is an equally inspiring and underwhelming look at the daily struggles and triumphs of the professional mixed martial artist. Part of the blame for the film’s shortcomings can be placed on its subjects — or at least Shields, who has never been a charismatic individual despite his accomplishments. But really, the biggest issue facing the film is its outdated perspective. MMA has undergone several huge changes in the time between when Fight Life was shot and its release, and neither Shields nor Beerbohm have exactly become the dominant forces that the documentary attempts to set them up as.

That’s not to say that Fight Life is absent of any compelling moments, however…

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Wild Rumor of the Day, Pt. 2: Nick Diaz’s Father Is the Unabomber

Subject: Nick Diaz‘s father is… Ted Kaczynski
Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2014 3:12 AM
From: [redacted]lawncare@gmail.com
To: tips@cagepotato.com

“That’s right. The fucking unabomber. Ted would have been in California exactly 1 year and a month before nick was born (blowing up some poor fucker at university of cal/berkeley. And while I know it’s a stretch based off that little information. Check out this picture of a young Theodore “Ted” Kaczynski. (I know.. mind blowing) This would also explain Nick’s anxiety when it comes to social interactions and hatred for authority. It’s in his genes. He is programmed from the womb this way…..You’re welcome!

War out,

Chris.”

Come on Chris, that’s absurd. Diaz may have grown up without a biological father, but there’s no way th-HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK IDENTICAL.

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