infomercial fail gifs
21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: Pat Healy

Nate Diaz Manager Mike Kogan Won’t Stop, Can’t Stop, Making His Client Look Bad


(Mike Kogan’s profile pic courtesy of FindABearTonight.xxx)

At this point, we all know that Nate Diaz has been suspended and fined for calling Bryan Caraway a “Fag” through his twitter account. Other than deleting and re-wording his original tweet, Diaz has been silent on the matter since originally criticizing Caraway for accepting the Submission of the Night bonus cash that was originally designated for Pat Healy until “Bam Bam” tested positive for marijuana metabolites after choking out Jim Miller at UFC 159.

Diaz’s new manager Mike Kogan, however, just can’t seem to shut up about it all — and he’s making his client look even worse in the process.

Immediately following Diaz’s tweet, Kogan issued a ridiculous justification to MMA Junkie that showcased a stunning lack of self-awareness.

Guess what? The word faggot, at least in Northern California, and where Nate is from, means bitch,” Kogan said. “It means you’re a little punk. It has nothing to do with homosexuals at all. So when Nate made the comment that he made, he didn’t make it in reference to homosexuals or calling Caraway a homosexual. He just said it was a bitch move.”

Separating the word “faggot” from its many historical applications for insulting gay people, as Kogan tried to do, is a stretch. But let’s say that it was possible to separate them. We’d still be left with Diaz publicly calling someone a “bitch” — another word commonly used to insinuate homosexuality, and far more often used to insult women — and Kogan defending the usage of that word just as strongly.

Even if we recognize the obvious fact that Diaz’s tweet was insensitive, few people would crucify him simply for using those slurs in a moment of frustration. All we’re asking for is a little reflection, and some recognition of the fact that, though you may not be a bad dude deep down, that was an insensitive thing to say and a sincere apology is warranted. Or, again, to at least shut up about it all.

Kogan seems far too dense to do that. The manager was recently on MMA Fighting’s MMA Hour and went out of his way to insist that both he and Diaz are offering no apologies.

Read More DIGG THIS

Nate Diaz: No Longer the Smarter Diaz


(Somewhere in Indiana, Miguel Torres is breathing a sigh of relief.) 

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the single dumbest tweet of 2013. The top one.

385 retweets. 184 favorites. And counting.

Feel free to start speculating how much Diaz gets fined for this, or what his inevitable apology to the LGBT community will sound like, in the comments section.

-J. Jones

Read More DIGG THIS

In Light of Pat Healy’s Positive Marijuana Test, Bryan Caraway Declares Hatred of All Things Irie


(A stern anti-marijuana crusader hand-in-hand with the marijuana king of Oakland? Looks like Martin Scorsese just found his next screenplay. Photo via Esther Lin/MMA Fighting)

There’s really not much more that can be said about Pat Healy’s — or really, any other fighter’spositive test for marijuana and subsequent suspension/fines. As insane as it is that we live in a world where marijuana usage often carries a higher penalty for MMA fighters than that of steroids, it’s also a rule that every fighter understands the moment they become an employee of the UFC. Simply put, if you’re not smart enough to understand exactly how long marijuana metabolites stay in your system prior to a fight, you pretty much deserve what’s coming to you. It’s the reason I picked a line of work that literally allows me to blow bong hits at my computer screen while writing this. Not that I am — as with alcohol, I don’t believe in smoking before noon. On weekdays.

That’s not to say that we relish whenever a fighter is busted for marijuana, in fact it’s usually quite the opposite. In the case of Healy, he had the biggest (and possibly most exciting) win of his career negated and over 100k in bonus money revoked because he liked to kick back with a little Wildwood Weed after a day of getting his ass kicked. It’s a better excuse than most of us have, but don’t expect the man who received his revoked $65,000 “Submission of the Night” bonus, Bryan Caraway, to offer him any sympathy. In an interview with MMAJunkie, Caraway shot from the hip when discussing his feelings for all of us you dirty, pot-smoking degenerates:

I couldn’t be more happy, and it was an insanely pleasant surprise

All I’ve got to say is that’s some expensive weed. I like Healy a lot. I came up through the fighting ranks with him. We used to train together at Team Quest. I love the guy. But I have absolutely zero remorse or guilt.

I hate weed. I cannot stand it. I’ve never tried it. I’ve never smoked a drug in my life. So I have absolutely zero tolerance for people that do it. I don’t care if it’s legal in some places or not. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous. Whether it’s legal in real life or not, they tell you to follow the rules. You need to follow the rules.

Read More DIGG THIS

Pat Healy Tests Positive for Marijuana After UFC 159, Stripped of Win Over Jim Miller and $135,000 in Bonuses [UPDATED]


(Short version: We’re going to pretend this fight never happened, just like we’re going to pretend marijuana is a performance-enhancing drug. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

The greatest night of Pat Healy‘s career has been retroactively changed to some old bullshit. Following his fantastic rear-naked choke victory over Jim Miller last month at UFC 159 — which earned Healy Fight of the Night and Submission of the Night awards totaling $130,000 — “Bam Bam” failed his drug test, coming up positive for marijuana. As a result, Healy’s win has been changed to a no-contest, he’s been suspended from competition from 90 days, and he’s being forced to return the aforementioned $130k in bonus money and his $5,000 win bonus.

Healy confirmed the news in an official statement:

I would like to start off by apologizing to the UFC, Jim Miller, the MMA community, it’s fans, my family, teammates and coaches for my positive testing for marijuana after my UFC 159 fight with Jim Miller. I was fully aware of the UFC and State Commission’s drug policies and made poor life choices. I stand behind the UFC and the State Commission’s disciplinary actions. I support efforts to make MMA and sports a clean, safe and fair place to compete…

Read More DIGG THIS

UFC 159: Jones vs. Sonnen Aftermath, Part Two — These Tired Eyes


(Photo courtesy of Getty Images)

If there’s anything positive for Alan Belcher to take away from his loss to Michael Bisping in the co-main event of last night’s UFC 159, it’s that he was right about Bisping being unable to knock him out. Bisping had plenty of opportunities to do so throughout the fight, yet Belcher was too resilient of an opponent. Unfortunately, that’s right about where the positive notes end. Bisping not only outstruck Belcher by a considerable margin throughout their fight, but also avoided all of Belcher’s takedowns. Simply put, Belcher didn’t have any answers for Bisping’s jab-n-jog offense.

And then there was the eye poke that ended up stopping the fight, awarding Michael Bisping the technical decision victory. It was a disappointing way to end an otherwise decent scrap – especially considering Belcher’s previous troubles with that eye. Fortunately, Belcher has since tweeted that he is doing okay.

Perhaps the strangest thing about the eye poke is that this fight wasn’t the only bout on the card to end in technical decision due to an eye poke. Earlier in the evening, the light heavyweight bout between Ovince St. Preux and Gian Villante also ended when St. Preux inadvertently poked Villante in the eye. St. Preaux walked away with a technical majority decision victory. Kind of makes a case for changing the design of MMA gloves.

Elsewhere on the card…

Read More DIGG THIS

UFC 159: Jones vs. Sonnen — Live Results & Commentary


(Good. Now that Chael knows what it feels like to make contact with Jon Jones, let’s get this execution over with. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

There’s not much to say about Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen at this point, other than the fact that Jones will be tying Tito Ortiz’s record for light-heavyweight title defenses (5) tonight, and Danga has already written Chael’s retirement rap. Luckily, UFC 159 features some legitimate fights as well, from Jim Miller meeting his taller, skinner doppelganger, to Roy Nelson meeting his polar opposite. Plus: Michael Bisping faces off against some retard from Mississippi (his words, not ours!), and Vinny Magalhaes tangles with Phil Davis.

Handling liveblog duties for this evening is Alex Giardini, who will be delivering round-by-round results from the “Jones vs. Sonnen” main card after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know what’s on your mind in the comments section.

Read More DIGG THIS

Poll — Which ‘Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine’ Underdog Has the Best Chance of Scoring an Upset Victory?


(What makes Nandor so angry, you ask? Dirt. He *hates* dirt.) 

Thanks to a terrible yet completely expected slew of injuries, Strikeforce’s going away event has disintegrated from a once competitive night of title fights to a freakshow event on par with an end of the year JMMA card. Former top-contenders Josh Barnett and Pat Healy have been thrown opponents that redefine the phrase “high risk, low reward” and newly-crowned heavyweight champ Daniel Cormier has been booked against some dude with a chance of victory so slim that even he is pissed off by how little of a chance said dude has been given. It’s gotten so bad that the UFC has been forced to loan their middle-of-the-pack middleweights out to the very organization they have been purging, seemingly out of some twisted sense of empathy.

But if Jorge Gurgel’s assertion that the fighters who lose on Saturday will not be headed to the UFC is in fact true, one thing we will surely not witness this weekend is caution. So with that in mind, we threw together a little poll: Which (massive) underdog could most likely score an upset at ‘Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine?’ All the usual suspects are included in the survey that awaits you after the jump, so join us in a little harmless speculation, won’t you?

Read More DIGG THIS

Pat Healy Draws Newbie for Final Strikeforce Event, Should Probably Pull Out Like Everyone Else, Because Seriously, Who Gives a F*ck?


(I’m going to avoid an obvious nose-joke here. Instead, I’ll just link to this picture of an adorable puppy.)

You know what? Screw what Tim Kennedy said about Strikeforce’s fighters being a bunch of little vaginas. When Gilbert Melendez and Luke Rockhold withdrew from their scheduled matches at Strikeforce’s final event, they were looking out for their best interests. And if Pat Healy does the same, we’re not going to blame the guy.

Healy, as you might recall, was originally slated to face Melendez in their long-delayed matchup on the January 12th “Marquardt vs. Saffiedine” card, then he was booked to face Jorge Masvidal when Melendez pulled out, then he was booked to face nobody when Masvidal pulled out. [Ed. note: CagePotato would like to clarify that Healy was probably not a Nazi guard or serial killer in a past life, despite suggestions to the contrary. There. Feel better, Chris?]. Now, the former/sort-of lightweight title-contender will be facing undefeated Strikeforce-newcomer Kurt Holobaugh, according to a recent report from MMAWeekly.

A little about Kurt: He’s compiled a perfect 8-0 professional record, competing against regional talent in such regionally-named promotions as Karnival Karnage and Nightmare On The Northshore. He is best known for taking a fight on his wedding day and almost being selected for TUF 15. The fight with Healy will be the biggest opportunity of his career. Unfortunately, the booking officially drags Healy down to the Showtime Extreme portion of the “Marquardt vs. Saffiedine” card.

Read More DIGG THIS

Jorge Masvidal Injured, Likely Out of Final Strikeforce Fight With Pat Healy Because Of Course He Is


(Healy Pat: The only title challenger so obscure that Strikeforce couldn’t even remember which of his names came first.) 

We’re going to go out on a limb and assume that Pat Healy was either an SS guard or Ed Gein in his past life, because in recent weeks, something we can only chalk up to karma has been ravaging through his opponents like Roy Nelson through a free buffet. After collecting five straight wins under the Strikeforce banner — a feat made all the more impressive when you consider that Strikeforce has approximately 10 fighters left in their roster — Healy was scheduled to face off against lightweight champion Gilbert Melendez on Strikeforce’s September 29th card. However, when Melendez went down with an injury (go figure), Strikeforce quickly realized that the card was so garbage-ass that they should probably just cancel it altogether. And then cancel their next card for good measure.

Cut to mid-November. A still-injured Melendez declares that he is opting out of Strikeforce’s final event and will instead wait until the UFC absorbs the promotion to resuming training. Wanting to fill out their already injury-plagued final card, Strikeforce books Healy against a former challenger to Melendez’s throne in Jorge Masvidal. Shits were not given. But in an even crueler twist of fate, news has just broke that Masvidal has also gone down with an undisclosed injury and may be forced to withdraw from his January 12th showdown with Healy.

Read More DIGG THIS

With Gil Melendez Hurt, Pat Healy Draws Jorge Masvidal for Strikeforce: Eh, Fuck It

Before we get into the Pat Healy/Jorge Masvidal booking –which we’re sure will rustle your jimmies to no end — we’d like to discuss the actual name Strikeforce has decided upon for its final event and how it more or less serves as a euphemism for Strikeforce as a company over the past couple years. Champions. They named the event Champions. It made sense originally, with nearly every one of their belts being on the line, meaningless as they were. But one groundbreaking signing and a slew of injuries later, and Strikeforce’s final card — their swan song, their dying epilogue, the culmination of years of blood, sweat, and tears — will die a vapid, depleted shell of what it once was. Like Layne Staley.

Two of our title fights have been canceled. Daniel Cormier is fighting a complete wild card and it isn’t even for the title. Is Nate Marquardt defending his newly earned welterweight title against Tarec Saffiedine? Who the hell cares; one of them is going down in the next week and you can mark my words on that. We may like to have our fun at Strikeforce’s expense around here, but they deserved better than this. They gave us Gina Carano in a towel damn it. They gave us this gif of Ronda Rousey. Not to mention all of the less sexual, fight-related stuff they gave us, like Nick Diaz vs. Paul Daley, Scott Smith’s epic comebacks, and the God damned Nashville Brawl.

And now, they’ve been drained dry. Scott Coker had a milkshake, and Dana White had a milkshake and a straw, and Dana drank Coker’s milkshake.

Read More DIGG THIS
CagePotatoMMA