Phil Nurse

If you've ever wanted to see what a Nevada State Athletic Commission hearing looks like from the inside, you might be interested in these videos (courtesy of CageWriter), which show Karo Parisyan getting reamed for his painkiller use, Phil Nurse defending his own reputation, and BJ Penn crying for justice.  In the above clip, Karo explains why he took those unapproved meds, and throws himself on the mercy of the commission. The "drifting in and out of the state of reality" line comes at 5:54, and the ruling begins at 7:48, where Commissioner John Bailey lays down the suspension and fine, and suggests that in the future, a mixed martial artist's entire win bonus should be forfeited if he tests positive for banned substances.

Below, Nurse admits that in retrospect, his use of Vaseline during the St. Pierre/Penn fight "doesn't look good," and gets grilled about it while BJ Penn stares him down at the other end of the table. After the jump: Penn comes out against all forms of cheating, one commission member basically calls bullshit on the idea that you can ingest something that makes you slippery, and another is just glad that GSP didn't beat him to death. Plus, Penn's lawyer Raffi Nahabedian calls for a full-scale investigation on Lubrigate.

(If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.)

B.J. Penn brought the big guns to today’s hearing with the Nevada State Athletic Commission.  Not only did the Hawaiian have his lawyer on hand to go over his twenty-page complaint, Penn’s mother, Lorraine Shin, got up and read a statement that, according to MMA Weekly, “accused the Commission of not doing its duty to protect fighters.”

That’s right, Penn brought his mother.  And she was allowed to deliver a statement for some reason.  Apparently someone was worried that this whole greasing scandal thing hadn’t gotten ridiculous enough yet.  Problem solved.

('Don't even come in here with your faulty premises and negative proof fallacies, dude.  Just don't.')

In a response to B.J. Penn’s request for the Nevada State Athletic Commission to investigate Georges St. Pierre’s use of Vaseline in their main event bout at UFC 94, the Jackson camp has fired back with an exhaustive argument refuting any accusation of wrongdoing.  

As reported by Sherdog and the L.A. Times (which has a PDF of the full response), the Jackson camp provided seventeen pages of documents explaining what happened, why it wasn’t an intentional attempt to cheat, and why it had no bearing on Penn getting his ass handed to him.

A statement signed by Greg Jackson and Phil Nurse details the breathing technique used on St. Pierre between rounds and insists that video evidence shows only a “scant amount of Vaseline” ever found its way to GSP’s body.  It also lays out four recommendations for improving the NSAC’s policies to avoid the greasing question in the future, including wiping down fighters before every round and using a “touch test” to see if they are unnaturally greasy.  And of course they conclude by referring to Penn’s griping as “a desperate attempt to protect [Penn’s] reputation and commercial value after being totally dominated by a superior athlete.”

Oh.  Snap.