(“Is it wrong that I held the specimen cup up to Brock’s chest when he came in to give his sample?”)

We can always count on our bros over at FightLinker to steer us in the direction of disgusting videos and today is no exception.

The FL crew tipped us off to this vid of our favorite fainting MMA male nurse, Philippe Nover, doing a little outpatient procedure on himself to drain some liquid out of a swollen elbow he sustained in his Bellator 59 split decision loss to Marcin Held a few weeks ago.
If you faint easily like Philipe, you might want to skip this one.

(Good to have you back, buddy.)

Well damn, that didn’t last long. A little over three months after announcing his retirement from MMA — due to his fading motivation to compete and a desire to spend time with his new son — the game has sucked Batman back in. Kurt Pellegrino announced on Saturday that he has signed with Bellator, and will face Season Four lightweight tournament finalist Patricky “Pitbull” Freire at Bellator 59, November 26th at Caesar’s Atlantic City. As Kurt explained:

“It was like Rocky II when Adrian awoke from the coma and told Rocky to ‘win’. I was retired, sitting home watching videos with my son, but I was also training at that time and was in great shape when my wife walked up to me and said ‘If you want to do it again, go for it’. Before that, I felt bad for being away training and missing my daughter’s first words, changing diapers, etc. I was so happy that I was able to be there for my son’s big moments – but the fact that my family supports me returning to fight means everything to me…

(There’s only one thing a male nurse hates worse than paperwork: Armenians. PicProps: MMAConvert)

Here’s one for all you morons who fire off those clever “If he doesn’t like it, he shouldn’t be a fighter!” message board posts every time a guy (or girl) utters a discontented word about payment, injury and/or the all-around shittiness of how MMA treats its athletes: “TUF 8” finalist Phillipe Nover is taking your advice. The kid Dana White once prematurely ejaculated all over by comparing him to Georges St. Pierre tells Sherdog this week that he’s taking a break from fighting in order to pursue the assumedly more lucrative, stable and less dangerous career as a technician in a cardiac lab at a hospital in New York.

It seems Nover – who at just 26 comes off as far, far too reasonable for the MMA industry here – would rather enjoy the perks of health insurance, a pension plan, a steady paycheck and the protection of his labor union than toil on the independent circuit after being cut from the UFC following his loss to Rob “The Lord of South County” Emerson at UFC 109. We know, what a pussy, right?

(‘Is this about those stolen Octagon bracelets you found in my locker?  Because I was just holding those for Baroni.’ Photo courtesy of The Sun.)

It’s a tough time to be licking your wounds in the UFC. In a move that likely has every fighter to post an ‘L’ on his record at UFC 109 sweating bullets, the organization has reportedly released the “next Anderson Silva,” the “Godfather of ground-and-pound,” and the guy who was on the wrong end of the UFC’s fastest knockout (officially, anyway). Let’s take them one at a time, shall we?

- Mark Coleman (1-2 in his most recent UFC run) lost a one-sided contest of MMA elders to Randy Couture during a week that saw him run out of gas on the 215 freeway and get heckled by Tito Ortiz in his post-fight interview. Losing your job after all that makes your life start to sound like a cliché country music song. Please just tell us that his dog is okay.

(Props: MMA Bloodbath)

If you were paying attention during UFC 98, you probably noticed that every time referee Yves Lavigne was introduced, he was booed as if the crowd just saw a video of him farting on sandwiches. No, it wasn’t leftover hate from the Brown/Sell fiasco — the crowd actually turned on him thanks to his controversial handling of the preliminary match between Kyle Bradley and TUF 8 lightweight finalist Phillipe Nover. Taking a look at the video above, we see the following…

(‘Now we go for ice cream!’  Photo courtesy of NBC Sports.)

It was an MMA-tastic week what with the “Fight for the Troops” and the Ultimate Fighter 8 Finale both within a few days of one another, plus a little Adrenaline thrown in the mix.  And while the big boys mostly sat this one out and let the young up-and-comers vie for the spotlight, there were still plenty of gains and losses made.  Now it’s time to sort through the wreckage and see who’s up and who’s down with our arbitrary numerical rating system.

Josh Koscheck +87

Even after putting a hurting on Yoshida, the future is uncertain for Kos.  Is he the best welterweight no one really wants to see all that badly?  

Ryan Bader +102

Wrestler-turned-TUF winner proves he’s got more than just takedowns in his arsenal, going upside Vinny’s head with a big right hand.  Satisfying ending, but let’s see what he can do against a real UFC fighter before we get too excited.

Vinny Magalhaes -48

Trying to prove you can do something other than the thing you do really, really well is admirable, though not all that bright.

Phillipe Nover -19

For a guy who does so many things well, there sure is a huge hole in his game.  I’d get that fixed if I was you.

(Photos courtesy of UFC.com)

After a long, arduous, bodily-fluid-filled season of The Ultimate Fighter, we’ve finally made it to the end. It’s time to see who’s worthy of the hype, who’s ready for the big show, who’s taking home the six-figure contracts. If you’re not psyched for this, go watch Bromance you freakin’ fairy. For everyone else, hit that "Read More" link and refresh the page every few minutes for live round-by-round updates and commentary.

SPOILER ALERT: This liveblog kicks off at 9 p.m. ET, but the broadcast is tape-delayed on the West Coast (and possibly other parts of the country). Check your local listings, and keep in mind that we may be writing about things you haven’t seen yet. So if you’re coming in, scroll carefully.

(They’ve come so far, and ingested so much of each other’s bodily fluids.)

With The Ultimate Fighter 8 Finale on Spike TV just one day away, we go head-to-head on some of the most pressing issues surrounding this reality TV-generated fight card.  As usual, we’ll be liveblogging the action right here on the Potato come Saturday night.  Don’t miss it.

Who will emerge as the winners of TUF 8, and of the two, who has a brighter future in the UFC?

BF: Phillipe Nover and Ryan Bader are the two guys who will end up hoisting those weird transparent trophies over their heads on Saturday night.  Nover will win because he’s an animal, a straight-up criminal, dog.  Even though Efrain Escudero has some skills of his own, I don’t think he’s as well-rounded or aggressive as Nover, and I think it will cost him in the form of a late TKO. 

Bader will win because even though Vinny Magalhaes is a hell of a jiu-jitsu fighter, he doesn’t have a whole lot else in the toolbox from what I’ve seen.  Bader has plenty of time to get his submissions defense in order, and if he can sharpen his stand-up and/or ground-and-pound at all, he’ll do just enough to win a decision.

Of those two, Nover has a better chance of really doing something in the UFC.  I’d love to see him jump right in and face one of the many tough lightweights hanging around these days rather than be brought along at a Nate Diaz-type pace, but the opposite will probably happen.  Bader, he’ll probably end up dropping to middleweight and getting schooled by the first guy he comes across with good sprawl-and-brawl.  But that’s life.

BG: I’m going to have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there, buddy. If Bader has time to expand his toolbox beyond lay-and-snore, then Vinny can learn to do something other than viciously pull guard and tap his opponents in the first round, hot-knife-through-butter style. But why should he? Magalhaes is one of the scariest jiu-jitsu practitioners to ever appear on TUF and I’m not sure if Bader’s top-game will be tight enough to avoid being submitted if he decides to take Vinny to the ground. (Trust me, Magalhaes is not Eliot Marshall.) The Brazilian finishes fights, and I say he takes it via submission in the second frame.

This afternoon I got a chance to meet up with The Ultimate Fighter 8 lightweight finalist Phillipe "The Filipino Assassin" Nover at Fighthouse in New York City. (Coincidentally, this is the gym where I’ve been taking Muay Thai lessons for the last two months. So yeah, I guess you could say I’m pretty badass.) Anyway, Nover was cool enough to chat with me about his match-up with Efrain Escudero at the TUF 8 finale next Saturday, working as a registered nurse, living without bathroom privacy as a reality TV star, and his official prediction for Bader vs. Vinny; he also had a special shout-out for his Filipino fans. Later, he hit pads and rolled with a couple guys from his Team Insight crew, and tried to stay loose despite the fact that we were surrounded by a bunch of dudes with sniper rifles and one guy who was, no shit, wearing a terrorist-style dynamite vest (proof at the end of the video). Never a dull moment at Fighthouse. Thanks to Spike TV for the invite.

(BG)

("Okay, my turn next," said Stankie, taking off his pants.)

Efrain‘s guest blog is going to be a little late this week, but we wanted to get up at least a small post about last night’s TUF double-header so you could discuss it, if you wanted to, in the comments section. Basically, here’s what happened:

Ryan Bader def. Eliot Marshall via boring fucking wrestling
Phillipe Nover def. George Roop via storm/kimura
Vinny Magalhaes def. K-Sos via scary, scary, high-level jiu-jitsu
Efrain Escudero def. Junie Browning via submission (punishment)

Of course, Browning actually competing in his semi-final match was a story in itself. Discouraged by his performance in practice, Browning announced to Frank Mir that he was quitting the competition; Mir had no objection. Back at the house, Browning threw a coffee mug at Shane Primm and started swinging at him. When the dust settled, Dana White stopped by to play psychologist, asked the guys if they wanted to kick Junie off or beat him off — we’d assume that Tom Lawlor voted "beat him off" — and convinced Junie to stay. Oh, and the best part? Junie is going to be on the main card of the TUF 8 finale, solely on the basis of being a ridiculous head-case. (Fittingly, he’ll be fighting Dave Kaplan, the runner-up to Junie’s reality-show dumbass crown.)

For the record, Junie places most of the blame for his loss to Efrain on having awful cardio. As he writes in his final blog entry for UFC.com:

It was an Ultimate Fighter first when the cast members exchanged various bodily fluids via warring food pranks on last night’s show. Eliminated lightweight Dave Kaplan talks us through it in this exclusive Cage Potato interview, and claims all was not as it seemed. We also discuss Junie Browning’s betrayal and what went wrong in the loss to Phillipe Nover, among other things. Enjoy.

CagePotato.com: Now that we’ve all seen last night’s crazy and often gross show, what are your thoughts overall?

I liked the show a lot. That might seem counter-intuitive. Obviously, the end of the show wasn’t the best for me, but I’ve had three months to deal with that. I liked the stuff that they showed. I thought I came off as funny, the type of person that I wanted people to see. I didn’t talk shit about anyone, and I feel good about that. All in all, I thought it was a good show. I might be biased, but I thought it was the most exciting and interesting of the episodes thus far.

It seemed like we spent a lot of time watching these food/bodily fluid pranks unfold.

You know what the funny part about it is? I had nothing to do with any of the pranks that happened. Any of the stuff that Krysztof did with people’s underwear or any of that stuff. I had fish put under my bed, which I thought was a lame prank anyway. But I can’t even tell you where I was when they peed in the fruit. I wasn’t part of any of that. I guess it makes for good television if you like the gross-out factor there.

The semen on the sushi, did you feel that was going too far?

I would say so. Here’s my take on that, and I have to be perfectly honest. I did not eat the sushi. I said that I did, because at that point in the show Kyle Kingsbury was getting on my nerves and I wanted a reason to retaliate, plus Tom Lawlor had actually eaten a piece and I wanted to have his back. So I said that I did it so I could retaliate, which Tom and I did.

(Kind of a strange thing to ask someone on the way to the grocery store.)

Last night’s episode of the Ultimate Fighter was one of the more foul shows airing on this week’s television lineup. By this time in the house everyone was getting tired of each other and going a bit insane, so of course since there is nothing better to do, the pranksters in us start to come out. For a few days now Lawlor had been getting these fruit platters delivered to him. So we decided it would be a good idea to eat it all before he got a chance to have any. Everyday we would get back from practice, rush to the fridge, and grab Lawlor’s fruit, and I must say it was delicious. This was no ordinary fruit platter…this was Tom Lawlor’s fruit haha.

This was going on a for a few days and Lawlor wasn’t too happy. So while we were at practice Lawlor decided it was time for a little revenge. We all had come to an understanding while in the house and agreed to not mess with each other’s food. Lawlor was thinking like a lawyer on this kind of revenge, finding a work around. Nowhere did we say you couldn’t mess with your own food, so that’s what he did. The blue team went a few rounds pissing in the fruit tray. So after our practice we got back to the house and opened the fridge and there it was, so Bader got the tray, took it up to the room and a few of the guys went to town on it. They were eating piss fruit.

I would like to set the record straight I DID NOT EAT ANY OF THE FRUIT WITH PISS IN IT!!!! Let me repeat: I DID NOT EAT ANY OF THE FRUIT WITH THE PISS IN IT!! The editors did a hell of a job making it look that way, but if you notice the fruit I was eating was not in the same room. I guess that’s why SPIKE pays those guys well, but one more time I did not eat piss fruit haha. Philippe was pretty disgusted by it. Kingsbury wasn’t bothered by it — he was cracking jokes. It was pretty funny since it didn’t happen to me.