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Tag: prison

Alexander Emelianenko Got Engaged! While in Jail! Awaiting Trial!! For Sexual Assault!!1!


(He’ll fight for my love AND he bakes! *swoon*)

Love is…strange, Nation. It requires trust, understanding, patience, and occasionally, the willingness to look a convicted sex offender in the eyes and say “I do” from behind the bars of a Russian prison.

What? Haven’t you heard? Alexander Emelianenko — the very same who is currently awaiting trial for the sexual assault of a 27 year-old woman – recently got engaged to a living, breathing woman named Pauline, reports MMABoxing.ru. Break out the streamers! Fire up the band! Just make sure you tell them to keep it down!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, that just means that he’s prison engaged, if you know what I’m saying.” First off, don’t nudge me, and secondly, you’re wrong. According to BloodyElbow, “Emelianenko, through the request of his lawyer, got permission to marry inside the detention center. It also appears that it was his fiancé, Pauline, who proposed.”

So there you have it. Alexander Emelianenko is engaged to be married. And I have no one.

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Good News: Joe Son Might Get the Death Penalty for Killing His Cellmate Two Years Ago


(Joseph Hyungmin Son: Prison karaoke champ, 2011-2013. / Photo via Tapology)

A month after being sentenced to life in prison for the kidnapping, rape, and torture of a woman on Christmas Eve 1990, pre-Zuffa UFC punchline Joe Son once again made fucked-up headlines in October 2011 when he allegedly killed his cellmate, a wild-looking pedophile named Michael Thomas Graham.

Things have been pretty quiet on the Joe Son front since then. But now, TMZ is passing along word that Son is finally being charged with the murder of Graham, two years after the fact:

The guy who played shoe-throwing bad guy Random Task in “Austin Powers” has been charged with murder in the death of his prison cellmate, TMZ has learned … and prosecutors could pursue the death penalty.

The guy in the cross hairs is Joe Son, who was serving a life sentence in California’s Wasco State Prison for torturing a woman  when he allegedly killed his 50-year-old cellmate in 2011.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ that Son — a former MMA fighter — killed Graham with a combination of kicks and punches. We’re told the brutality of the murder will be a factor when prosecutors decide if they should pursue the death penalty.

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Sadly, Lee Murray’s Days of Impregnating Women in Prison May Be Over


(The most notorious thief in MMA history chats cageside with Lee Murray.)

Lee Murray just can’t leave well enough alone. The former UFC/Cage Rage fighter and cash-heist mastermind has been in a Moroccan prison since 2006 after first being locked up on drug-possession charges, and is currently serving a 25-year sentence for his role in the Securitas kidnapping and robbery. Since then, we’ve heard stories of an escape attempt and the discovery of drugs and a laptop computer in his cell, but this shit right here takes the cake:

The cage-fighting crime boss behind the £53m Securitas heist has been moved to a high-security unit and stripped of prison luxuries. It comes after the Sunday Mirror revealed that Lee Murray, who is behind bars in Morocco on drug charges, fathered a child behind bars. Prison chiefs were furious after learning that he flouted rules by sleeping with a woman visitor who was not his wife.

Murray, 32, was moved to a tougher unit of Kenitra prison, near Rabat, and his mobile phone, television and DVDs were confiscated. It is believed that his right to have visitors has also been withdrawn…

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Rest Easy Russian Citizens (and Andrei Arlovski), Vyacheslav Datsik’s Prison Sentence Was Just Extended Six More Months


(Heil SpongeBob!)

The next likely Soviet serial killer, Vyacheslav Datsik won’t be getting out of jail for at least six months, thanks to the foresight of a St. Petersburg appeals court who rejected the batshit crazy former fighter’s request for early release and house arrest.

According to a report from RapsiNews.com, officials believe that the Neo-Nazi Russian, who was the first of many fighters to knock out Andrei Arlovski, poses a major flight risk and that he will almost certainly resume his criminal activities if he is released. Datsik escaped incarceration from a St. Petersburg mental institution in 2010 and fled to Norway where he was arrested carrying a loaded handgun. Prior to his arrest, members of the white extremist group he belongs to told reporters that he told them he would never be taken alive, but later relented and turned himself into Oslo police, asking them for asylum. He was extradited back to his home country where he has been detained ever since.

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Lee Murray’s Prison Sentence Increased from 10 to 25 Years


("I think it’s cool, but do you think the judge will find it as ironic as we do, Lee?")

It looks like Lee Murray will be behind bars longer than he thought.

According to a BBC report, the former UFC fighter who was named as the mastermind behind the 2006 $85 million (USD) Securitas heist in London had 15 years tacked onto his 10 year sentence today following a brief hearing in Rabat, Morocco where he has been held since being arrested in the North African country for importing drugs, whereupon authorities discovered he was wanted in connection to the UK robbery.

Murray fled England with right hand man and fellow MMA fighter, Paul Allen who was sentenced to 18 years in jail two years after being extradited back to London in 2007 when the pair were arrested outside of a mall in Morocco.

"Lightning" managed to avoid extradition because his father was a Moroccan national, but he couldn’t avoid the stiffer jail sentence he was handed down today.

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War Machine Big House Blogs 5, 6 and 7: Gay Cellmates, Snitching and the Beef With Junie Browning


(War’s lucky his cellmate didn’t see his Ebay ad.)

Well, it looks like War Machine has kept true to his word that he was going to stay out of trouble while in the clink.

Detailing his last four weeks in jail, the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver avoided a brawl and had the self control to not beat his gay cellmate who insinuated that he wanted War to be his daddy.

In this packed edition of the embattled fighter’s Big House Blogs tm, the UFC outcast talks about wanting to fight fellow UFC outcast Junie Browning and snitching on some fellow inmates, which hopefully won’t get back to them like his stories of debauchery behind bars did the DA.

Here’s what Machine has been up to since the last time he checked in:

WEEK 8
So another fake ass back stabber gets added to the list: Steve Bruno. Him and Junie Browning both have volunteered to be stepping stones on my climb back to the UFC.

On a different note, my old celly is gone. I hope he is able to stay clean and out of trouble. Funny shit is my new celly is GAY! LOL! He’s been in the same module as me the whole time but I never knew it! Now that he lives with me he knows that I’m not a homo-phobe so he told me and holy shit! You wouldn’t believe the stories. I asked him if he’s got any "action" and he’s hooked up with two guys since I’ve been here. Crazy part is one was this skinhead guy and the other a young dude who actually had a hot girlfriend, I saw her at a visit. I wonder if she knows!? Weird, I guess you never know how people are behind closed doors. It’s a trip though. Whatever, it doesn’t bother me as long as no one pulls none of that gay shit on me! lol.

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War Machine Big House Blog 4&5: Mooches, Masturbation and Sex with a Sandwich


(When War gets his photos done at Sears, he always turns to the side out of habit.)

Apparently most MMA outlets were like us in thinking that since War Machine got sat down by the District Attorney in his case who used his tweets about drugs and booze against him, that the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver was done with Twitter since nobody has written anything about him in a while.

I hadn’t checked out Machine’s page in a while, but it came up as a friend suggestion on my personal account the other day, so I clicked it and was pleasantly surprised that he is back blogging about his exploits in jail.

I’ve got to admit, I was kind of disappointed with the latest edition. I clicked on it expecting to read about how to make a shank out of a toothbrush and instead, I get War talking about how often he masturbates and how he’s thinking of fucking a bologna sandwich. Remind me never so eat lunch with him if I interview him in person after his release (no pun intended).

Maybe it’s because his lawyer is censoring his posts, but last week’s entry seems somewhat subdued.

Here’s what’s going on with War Machine who has only been behind bars one month, which means we only have 48 more of these recaps.

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Twitter Prison Blogs May Partially Lead to a Stiffer Prison Sentence for War Machine


(War Machine getting ready for the Miss Jail Rat 2010 pageant.)

We were disappointed, though not totally surprised today when we visited War Machine’s Twitter page and found that the beleaguered fighter’s prison blogs had been removed.

We figured it was only a matter of time before prison or court officials got wind of War’s documented exploits behind bars that included drinking prison moonshine and finding a fellow inmate’s fishing line used to share contraband with other cons in his cell block.

Apparently we were right on the money with our estimate that he wouldn’t get through three weeks without getting in trouble and that his big house blogs would be his undoing.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

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War Machine Survives First Week in Prison, Hopes to Avoid ‘Lame Drama’

War Machine MMA David Mitchell
("It’s not you, homey, I was just thinking of something funny that happened earlier." Photo courtesy of Sherdog)

Thanks to his most recent bar brawl, former UFC fighter War Machine has been keepin’ it real in San Diego Central Jail since July 16th, where he’ll be stuck for a year. (Or less, with good behavior. So probably about a year.) Luckily, that won’t stop the adult film star from updating his fans about his life and observations. Relaying messages to a friend on the outside, Machine was able to send out the following missive late last night. From WarMachine170 via MissRARA:

What’s up guys!? I’m gonna do a weekly blog for this year while I’m locked up. Just want to keep y’all posted and give you some insight on what it’s like here for me. When I first got here I was told I was gonna be kept in segregation to pretect myself since I’m a "celebrity." I told them NO WAY! 23 hours a day lockdown? FUCK THAT! So they stuck me in the "mainline." They classified me a 5 on a scale 1-6 so I’m with the big dogs. Everyone here has been to prison. Few guys in my unit are murderers waiting to be shipped out to prison for life. Funny, kinda odd, but they are the most friendly of the bunch… Most intelligent too. Hardest thing about this place is finding people you can have a decent conversation with.

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*Updated* Mulletted UFC Meme Harold Howard Sentenced to Five Years in Prison

(Narcissism: the leading cause of MMA fighter arrests in North America)

Instead of a fight, the next time Harold Howard utters his well known "If you’re coming on, come on!" catchphrase, his words will likely be followed by prison sex and obligatory spooning with his cellmate “Shanky” Dave.

The cartwheel-kicking former UFC underachiever and my Canadian homeboy, who was the first fighter to ever defeat Royce Gracie (Okay, fine, the win over Royce was by forfeiture, but it was still real to me, damn it!) was 
sentenced today to just south of five years in jail for his pre-Christmas family festivities last year that saw him attack two relatives with a claw hammer before crashing his pick-up truck through the front doors of a Niagara Falls casino.
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