(Vince Lucero vs. Tim Sylvia at a 2010 CFX event. We’re not sure if we’ve ever seen a more pathetic ending to a fight in our lives. On second thought…) 

Like many MMA fans out there, we are of two minds when it comes to Dave Bautista. On one hand, we should be applauding the former WWE star for having the cojones to step into the cage and give a sport as laborious and intense as MMA a try despite both his age and experience level saying that he should do just the opposite. On the other hand, he represents little more than another splash in the recent wave of professional wrestlers looking to exploit a sport they have little experience in and little desire to actually further.

More often than not, guys like Bautista, Bobby Lashley, and Brock Lesnar to a degree (TO A DEGREE) are not professional fighters in the purest sense of the word; they are opportunists who crossover to MMA looking to make a decent buck and get out before they hurt themselves too badly. For if they were seriously seeking a new career path, they would logically test themselves on the amateur circuit before diving head first into a sport in which ill preparation can lead to serious health issues in both the immediate and distant future. Although their participation in MMA in turn draws legions of new fans to the sport, it also cheapens the value of what it means to call oneself “a professional fighter.” Not to get on our soapbox here, but that is a title that should be earned through hard work and dedication, not a few months of sparring and pure name value.

So when it was announced that Bautista would be debuting against a guy who was clearly picked because his name resembled a certain former UFC champion, the world reacted with a collective “ugh.” But if you think that’s bad , just wait until you hear the story that led to Bautista’s new opponent, the 22-22 Vince Lucero you were introduced to in the above video.

(“Call me Aldo Montoya again, bitch!”)

By Seth Falvo (@SethFalvo)

When Nick Ring walked to the cage on Saturday accompanied by professional wrestling legend Bret “The Hitman” Hart, it was one more example of mixed martial arts’ quirky love affair with professional wrestling. Oh sure, we like to pretend that we have nothing in common with those peculiar Puroresu practitioners because our sport is real, both in terms of the violence and the personalities associated with it. Nonsense. With fake fighters crossing over to the real stuff, real fighters crossing over to the fake stuff, fake matches “borrowing” their outcomes from real fights, real promos “borrowing” from the classic fake stuff and multiple guys dabbling in both sports, the line between the two is arguably blurrier now than it was back when Ken Shamrock was ankle locking fools in the World Wrestling Federation.

It should come as no surprise then that we’ve seen our share of professional fighters attempting honest-to-God professional wrestling moves in real fights. We know, we know: We’re totally not supposed to be trying this stuff at home. But fortunately for us, the following brave men have ignored the countless warnings, the advice of their trainers and their own common sense to provide us with the most entertainingly reckless ways to injure their fellow men.

But before we break out the face paint and spandex, let’s establish how I’ll be ranking such absurd maneuvers. The moves will be ranked based on their immediate effectiveness, how true to form they stay to their kayfabe counterparts, and the competence of their opponents. Let’s face it: Even if you do something insanely cool and difficult from professional wrestling in an MMA fight, if you then get knocked out, you still look like a chump. Let’s also acknowledge that a punch to a downed opponent has no business being called The Worm without the accompanying theatrics. Finally, it’s a lot easier to pull off a complex move in a fight when your opponent totally sucks at fighting. Those are my rules, and if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya: LET’S BEGIN!

(James Toney, shown above with one boxing glove, one MMA glove, and an artist’s depiction of what he might look like if he lost 85 pounds.)

By Jared “DangadaDang” Jones

During its rise to popularity, Mixed Martial Arts has become known for the incredible physical conditioning, talent, and (depending whose side you’re on) heart of its athletes. It is a sport built on dedication; simply put, no amount of pink gloves and flirting with overweight TUF alums will make you an MMA fighter.

But as with any sport’s increase in mass appeal, MMA has seen its share of hacks, wannabes, scallywags and jabronis attempting to grab 15 more minutes of fame through a career in “that Ultimate Fighting stuff.” In light of James Toney’s continuing efforts to shake the MMA world with the use of side check kicks, I give you the five worst instances of C-to-D-list celebrities giving MMA the old community-college try.

5. Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson

The phrase “meteoric rise” comes to mind — one minute you were watching Kimbo smoke blunts in the background of semi-public orgies and the next he was being touted as the most formidable opponent to take Brock Lesnar’s crown. Mr. Ferguson landed on our radars through a series of brutal street fight videos in which he fought guys named “Afro Puff,” “Byrd,” “Chico,” and “Mayor McCheese.” These internet videos went viral so ferociously that the now-defunct EliteXC built him up to be their marquee star by feeding him other hopeless big lugs like “Bo” and “Tank.”

Kimbo was given his first “legitimate” opponent in James Thompson as the headlining bout of EliteXC: Primetime in May 2008. Despite possibly tapping to a guillotine in the first round and being on the receiving end of over 1,000 elbows in the second, Kimbo was able to pull off a rare standing-TKO of Thompson late in the third. (Good lookin’ out, Dan.)

(We were originally going to run a photo of Colt Toombs at the top of this post, but then we found this photo of his father, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, chilling with the guys from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. We hope you respect our decision.)

Attention MMA FightPicker players: We’ve had to make two changes to this week’s pools. First off, Adam Gabel has dropped out of his King of the Cage Canadian lightweight title fight against Charlie Zak due to concerns about making the 155-pound weight limit. Replacing him will be 6-1 MFC vet Gavin Neil. Sadly, Colt Toombs has also been pulled from his Sportfight 27 match against Roy Bradshaw for unspecified reasons. Bradshaw has a replacement opponent now, but screw it, we’ll just get rid of that question entirely. Please revisit your FightPicker pools and make any appropriate changes. Special props to CP reader "kellyman" for giving us the heads-up about this stuff…

(The tag line is "Who wants to die first" — just like that, without a question mark. That’s how you know these guys are serious.)

Don’t ask us where we got them, but we recently came into possession of a box of Wrong Side of Town DVDs, which don’t even hit stores until next Tuesday. (I know, I know, this crazy life we lead.) But instead of flipping all of them on the underground bootleg market, we’re going to skim five off the top and give them to you, our loyal and long-suffering readers. Hit us with the plot synopsis, LionsGateShop.com:

To win a copy of the flick, all you have to do is come up with a clever caption to the completely unrelated photo after the jump — which shows Kimbo Slice posing with the World’s Tiniest Pimp — and post it in the comments section below by Tuesday at noon ET. Finalists will be announced later that day. This is your moment, people. Grab it with both hands.