(In mother Russia, this is what tough looks like.)

Years from now when scientists dissect the brain of “The Last Emperor” they will likely discover that on one side was a cybergenetic processor similar to the one found in a Terminator unit, while on the other was half of a child’s brain.

Fedor seems to get great pleasure out of the juxtaposition of smashing people in the face and playing with toys. He’s what is scientifically referred to as  ”a manchild,” and there’s nothing wrong with that. Who doesn’t secretly dream of being part Billy Madison and part Steven Seagal sometimes?

Anyway, check out some other photos of Fedor embracing his his inner child after the jump.

(Still the best eva. Props: Genghis Con)

From a recent NerdSociety.com interview with the New York Bad Ass:

Hear that, nerds? Be more like this guy. You can read the rest of this illuminating interview here. Baroni takes on Joe Riggs at Strikeforce: Lawler vs. Shields on June 6th.

(‘Whaddaya say we also agree on no kicks to the legs. I just find those really annoying. Oh, and clinches, too. I hate getting someone else’s sweat on me.’)

The rumored bout between Marcus “The Irish Hand Grenade” Davis and Chris Lytle is on for UFC 93 in Dublin, just as we all thought it would be. As part of his continuing campaign to form some sort of gentleman’s agreement with Lytle, Davis is suggesting that both men agree to stand and bang it out:

“We’ve both been like, ‘I respect you, respect what you do, but a fight between each other is money in the bank,’” said Davis about a fight with Lytle. “I basically said, ‘Yeah, let’s do it and the first guy to take the other guy down is a pussy.’”

Davis has been saying this since the summer, and he’s not the first to try and get his opponent to commit to some kind of unofficial rule alteration, but it’s starting to get a little weird. It’s cool that he wants to stand and strike. That will probably make for a very exciting fight. But since when did taking people down make you a pussy? Does that mean Randy Couture is the biggest pussy to ever set foot in the Octagon?

Davis should also consider that even if he can get Lytle to go along with this understanding that takedowns=pussy, that’s not exactly a binding agreement. In fact, you know when the best time is to shoot for a takedown? Right after you’ve said that you won’t. Call me a pussy, but I’ll be the pussy getting my hand raised at the end.

(‘Old and veiny. That’s how I roll.’)

In an interview with Gary Herman of 15rounds.com Ken Shamrock reiterates his desire to knock Kimbo Slice unconscious and then shave his beard (are the lines between pro wrestling and “the MMA” blurring for Ken in his old age?), and also offers this assessment of his game plan going into the bout on Saturday:

“If all goes well, I’ll get a win in the first round. I can handle him anywhere – stand-up or on the ground. I’m not going to force anything. If it’s there, I’m going to take it. If he leaves his face open, I’m going to punch it. If he gives me a leg, I’ll take that.”

A genius master plan it ain’t, but at least he’s going in there with something. Not to be outdone, Kimbo had this to say about his preparation for the fight, then added a word of advice for Shamrock:

“I daydream about the fights, man. This (expletive) is in my head. I see it over and over and over again. I don’t think about sex, I don’t think about smokin’, I don’t think about drinking. I think about the guy I’m fighting, I think about my opponent. That’s all I think about.

[...]

“Come into this cage and fight like a lion, rather than die like a pussy.”

Well, okay, two different rhetorical styles there but…wait a minute. Did Kimbo just suggest that Ken Shamrock might “die like a pussy” in their fight? I understand the “fight like a lion” part. Did he mean ‘lose like a pussy’? Then again, ‘pussy’ isn’t exactly the opposite of ‘lion.’ How about ‘lose like a lamb’?

All right, long story short, parallel sentence structure isn’t Kimbo’s strong suit. But either way let’s not go around talking about Ken Shamrock dying in the cage on Saturday, okay Kimbo? The guy’s getting on in years as it is, his cholesterol is probably a concern, and just think about how bad you’ll feel if he really does die. You don’t want that hanging over your head.

(Yeah, hilarious.)

If you told me six months ago that one day we’d publish three posts involving Kalib Starnes within a seven-hour period, I would have thrown my scotch in your face and damned you as one of Satan’s deceitful minions. And yet here we are…

As we all knew he would, Kalib Starnes has been formally let go by the UFC for embarrassing the proud nation of Canada with his relentless backpedaling. And it wasn’t a cordial goodbye, either. Said Dana White: “He just doesn’t belong in the UFC and after his performance the other night, he should consider a new line of work.”

We’re all still scratching our heads at what exactly Starnes’s game plan was on Saturday night. As a couple commenters pointed out in our last post, there’s a report going around claiming that Starnes’s performance was boring on purpose, intended to protest the UFC’s low salaries and failure to pay medical bills; apparently, he didn’t get his broken ribs paid for after his fight with Kendall Grove. The fight with Quarry was the last on his contract, and he wanted to use it to “screw over the UFC.” To which we can only say, buddy, you think you were underpaid before UFC 83? We can’t wait until you find out what the pay’s like for smoker matches up in British Columbia.

(Props: FiveOuncesofPain)