(And another thing that bugs me about the guy is his insistence on using curse words so often. It’s like, for fuck’s sake Bob, our fucking children are watching this shit.) 

When it comes to picking sides in a fight between Dana White and Bob Arum, it often feels like we’re simply choosing the lesser of two evils. Don’t get us wrong, aside from his stance on marijuana in combat sports, Bob Arum comes off as a chode for the most part, especially when he decides to open his mouth about how MMA fans are all a bunch of homosexual skinhead racists. But every now and again, The Baldfather says something so pants-shittingly stupid and drenched in irony that it makes us wonder whether or not he has been completely blinded by his own power. Take the following for example, in which DW calls Arum “the dumbest promoter in the history of the world” for allowing Manny Pacquiao to fight Juan Manuel Marquez a fourth time:

Dumbest fight in history. Bob Arum is a moron. You don’t take that fight, you idiot. Why would you do that fight? It’s all about the money, that’s why. That was a money fight, that’s what that fight was done for. He should have fought Bradley. Bradley’s the fight they should have done. He would have knocked Bradley out, he would have got his belt back and now he’s back in the position he should have been in. [Pacquiao's] one of the best fighters in the world. He goes out and fights Marquez again? Bob Arum is the dumbest promoter in the history of the world.

Right…but Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen and Georges St. Pierre vs. Nick Diaz are somehow not “money fights.” In case you’re wondering, this is where I’d normally insert a Scanners headsplosion gif, but I’m too busy trying to nurse the puppy I just kicked after reading this quote back to life.

(For some reason, we can’t watch this fight without first playing “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down” on loop for a good 3 hours.) 

Sad news for those of you who were still clinging to the fragile hope that it was only a matter of time before Fedor Emelianenko would rise from the ashes of mediocrity that he seems to have entrenched himself in lately. In a recent interview with Russian publication Rianovosti, “The Last Emperor” candidly spoke about his future in MMA, and claimed that it might be coming to an end after his fight with fellow legend Pedro Rizzo, which is set to transpire on June 21st in St. Petersberg. True to form, Fedor was not one to elaborate when discussing the possibility of retirement.

I think it’s time to call it a day. This fight may be my last one. 

So there you have it. God is dead, there will be no Christmas this year, and Fedor f’ing Emelianenko is never going to fight an opponent that stands a chance of beating him ever again. And this is in no way an insult to Rizzo, it’s just that, well, if Gilbert Yvel was able to do this to him, just imagine what Fedor will do. Now combine that with the fact that Rizzo has not fought since nearly crippling the human punching bag that is Ken Shamrock back in July of 2010, and you have the makings for another brutal KO win on Emelianenko’s record over an opponent that no one wants to see get knocked out again.

But Emelianenko was nothing but considerate when discussing his opponent, as has become the standard with a true gentlemen like Fedor:

I have been learning from Pedro’s fights and have a lot of respect for him. He is a fighter of a great maturity, beating many of the strongest.

There’s no denying that in his prime, Rizzo was one of the most feared strikers in the sport, and deserves a boatload of respect for his accomplishments as a mixed martial artist. But come June 21st, we might see two illustrious careers come to an end. One via retirement, and the other via death.

-J. Jones

(Come to think of it, we’d watch this again.) 

Perhaps Melvin Guillard has made some DRASTIC improvements to his ground game since joining up with the Blackzilians, or perhaps he simply has some sort of autoerotic asphyxiation fetish, because the hard hitting lightweight recently told MMA Weekly that he wants his next fight to be a rematch against Joe Lauzon, whom you may recall, dropped Guillard and finished him with a rear-naked choke in just under 50 seconds of their UFC 136 bout. According to Guillard, the loss is the only in his career that he felt he truly should have won. Here’s what “The Young Assassin” had to say:

In the 10 losses I have in my MMA career, I haven’t rematched anyone I’ve lost to. Not once, I’ve never really cared for rematches because I felt they won, now I’ll move on. Right now, I’m at the point where this fight means something to me, I have something to prove against Joe Lauzon, so this is a rematch I’m asking for. Right now, I’m looking to watch the fights in Japan and I’m praying that he loses to (Anthony) Pettis because I want a rematch against Joe Lauzon. I don’t want to fight nobody next but Joe Lauzon. I don’t even care how it goes, I just want to see Pettis win and I want an immediate rematch with Joe Lauzon. Hopefully, I can get that rematch by fourth of July in Vegas.

Join us after the jump for a few more interesting musings from Guillard’s interview.

So Ronda Rousey was on some program called Attack of the Show the other night, and the first thing we gotta say is daaaaaaammmnnnn. We’ve been hearing blasphemous claims of Ronda being a 5 at best around here as of late, and it’s time to squash this beef. Anyone who claims this woman is below a 7 must either email us a photo of their current or previous girlfriend, or send one to our Twitter or Facebook page. Otherwise…LIFETIME BAN.

Now that we’ve moved past her body, perhaps we can discuss her mind, as it is beginning to look like the witty, boisterous apparition that once inhabited Chael Sonnen has chosen Ronda as its next victim. Rousey, despite never fighting at bantamweight, is currently listed as a 4-to-1 favorite over current champ Meisha Tate, and the hype might just be getting to her head. When asked on how dangerous she saw herself, Rousey responded:

I think I am the most dangerous unarmed woman on the planet. [Looks to audience] I could literally kill every single person in this room with my bare hands if I had them one at a time. I wouldn’t do that, but I’m just saying, I could do it.