(Randy attends a costume party dressed as Samuel L. Jackson.)

As exciting as the prospect of Randy Couture returning to the UFC might be, we were a little skeptical when rumors started flying earlier this week. But now it sounds like talks between the UFC and “The Natural” are for real, and it’s looking more and more possible that Couture might return to action in front of his former-hometown crowd in Portland to face Brock Lesnar on November 15.

And if that’s not completely crazy enough for you, the UFC is said to be seriously considering an offer from M-1 to co-promote a Randy Couture-Fedor Emelianenko bout down the road. Suddenly we go from a tangled court battle to a couple of blockbuster fights that also have the added advantage of helping the UFC screw Affliction. All just like that. Is your mind blown yet?

If all goes smoothly (and what are the chances of that?) the “Couture Compromise” — as we’re going to go ahead and call it — could be announced as early as Tuesday. As with any story this huge, we’ll believe it when we hear it out of Dana White’s mouth, which will no doubt be formed into an I-told-you-so smirk for the next three months.

Couture is said to be training full-time right now, getting ready to get his glorious return on, so it seems like all systems could genuinely be go for this. What a crazy, wonderful world.

Rumors that Randy Couture might be headlining UFC 91 in Portland may be extremely far-fetched, but they picked up a little more heat yesterday evening with a report published by MMA Junkie, which said that The Natural is willing to fight once more in the UFC, possibly before the end of the year, as part of an out-of-court settlement with the organization; Couture would want to be completely free of his UFC contract after the fight.

Excited? Don’t be. There’s no indication that the UFC is even considering this offer. We already know that Dana White likes to screw with his fighters as much as possible when they try to leave him. And according to Bloody Elbow’s Michael Rome, Couture’s negotiation tactic is nothing new:

In June, when the UFC was desperate for a London main event replacement for Chuck Liddell, Randy Couture supposedly made an offer to fight Nogueira if he would be allowed to leave and fight elsewhere immediately after. The UFC turned it down. I don’t believe they are any more likely to accept the settlement now, especially with an arbitration decision about to be handed down.

One problem with Couture doing a final sendoff fight in the UFC is that he’s still technically their heavyweight champion, which raises some logistical issues. He probably wouldn’t get to face interim champ Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, because if Couture wins, he leaves the league with the belt — a situation which the UFC goes to great legal lengths to prevent from ever happening. If Randy is allowed back in for one more go — and I’m not saying this will happen, I’m just saying — he’d probably be stripped of his title then set up in a big-name fight against someone like Brock Lesnar. Not only would Couture/Lesnar be a PPV bunker-buster, but as it turns out, Lesnar’s previously rumored next opponent may be on ice for a while. On the latest episode of MMA Live, ESPN The Magazine‘s Ryan Hockensmith reveals that Cheick Kongo is planning to have shoulder surgery soon to correct a problem that had been bothering him even before his last fight against Dan Evensen, and he won’t be able to fight again this year. Sure Cheick, we believe you…

10. Randy Couture vs. Gabriel Gonzaga
(UFC 74, 8/25/07)

At 44 years of age, Randy Couture was the one who was supposed to look busted up after his heavyweight championship match with 29-year-old Brazilian wrecking ball Gabriel Gonzaga. But in one of the greatest triumphs of his career, Couture broke down the bigger, younger fighter with his wrestling and dirty boxing. About three minutes into the first round, blood began to pour out of Gonzaga’s shattered nose, giving Randy’s back a nice, red coat. The steady flow interrupts the challenger’s breathing and vision, leading to a brutal ground-and-pound finish in the third.

9. Robbie Lawler vs. Scott Smith
(EliteXC: Unfinished Business, 7/26/08)

In the second round of their EliteXC middleweight championship do-over, Scott Smith nailed Robbie Lawler with a series of standing elbows that opened up an ugly gash on the top of Lawler’s head. With blood pouring out of the wound, Lawler turned up the intensity, doing his best to finish Smith before a doctor could stop the fight. About 90 seconds later, he succeeded — but not before a spray of “plasma” fell into commentator Mauro Ranallo’s lap. The video doesn’t really do it justice; you should also check out this photo from the fight, and this photo of the aftermath.

8. Chase Beebe vs. Eddie Wineland
(WEC 26, 3/24/07)

It may have been the most grisly demolition of a cauliflower ear in MMA history. Midway through a five-round bantamweight title match, challenger Chase Beebe dropped an elbow from the top that burst Eddie Wineland’s overripe right ear, causing it to spray blood several feet across the mat. Wineland, who had already suffered multiple cuts near his eyes from Beebe’s precision striking, soldiered on to the fifth-round bell with what appeared to be a gaping hole in the side of his head. Beebe took home the belt and Wineland hasn’t fought in the WEC since.

After the jump: Things really start to get disgusting.

From Yahoo! Sports via Bloody Elbow:

“[Fedor Emelianenko is] not the best pound-for-pound fighter, not even close, but he’s one of the four or five best heavyweights…But we all have to thank him for getting rid of Tim Sylvia. He’d been stinking out the joint the last couple of years and Fedor did everyone a favor by beating him so easily and getting rid of him.”

Daaaaaaamn! You may remember that Dana had previously called Fedor a farce who wasn’t a top five heavyweight, but admitted that his opinion was changed after Affliction: Banned because “Tim Sylvia was a real opponent.” Despite Sylvia’s stinkiness, beating him made Fedor a top-fiver in Dana’s eyes. The optimist in me wonders if Dana is making this mild public praise because hosting a Randy vs. Fedor fight in the UFC is still a possibility, and he doesn’t want the last thing fans hear him say about Emelianenko to be “this dude’s a joke.” If the fight did come together, I wonder what White would say about him then?

Luckily, we already know that Dana’s words mean little to Fedor — particularly because he doesn’t consider himself to be the best pound-for-pound fighter either:

From The Adam Carolla Show via MMA Mania:

I’d love for the UFC to step up and make the fight [with Fedor Emelianenko] happen. It has the potential to be the biggest mixed martial arts fight to date…It has the potential to do 700,000+ pay-per-view buys which is a helluva lotta money. I think 6-10 [million should be the salary] for each of us and they’re still gonna make a boatload of money on top of that.

Generally speaking, cable operators take half of the revenue for PPV events, which would mean that the UFC gets $22.495 per buyer these days. Though it’s been suggested that the UFC has been able to work out a slightly better deal with its distributors, multiplying that figure by Randy’s estimate of 700,000 buys would mean that the UFC would take in about $15,746,500 from a PPV card headlined by Couture vs. Emelianenko. “Boatload” may not be the right word if you’re taking at least $12,000,000 off the top to pay the headliners. Pay Randy and Fedor $8 million apiece or more, and the UFC’s profit from the broadcast is eliminated altogether. Of course, the equation changes completely if the fight does Liddell/Ortiz-caliber numbers, but its hard to predict if Couture vs. Emelianenko will mobilize the casual UFC fan like UFC 66‘s grudge match did.

In other words, there’s no way the UFC is going to cave to Couture’s asking price. I’d imagine they’re still interested in negotiating — if for no other reason than to take Affliction’s hope of a big-drawing superfight away from them — but they won’t agree to a situation where they’re only breaking even financially. Just as importantly, paying headliners that much money for a single fight sets a precedent that could have even more of their contracted fighters giving them grief about “respect.” We just hope the two sides can eventually come to terms, because if the UFC can’t afford to put this fight on, it’s doubtful that anybody else can.

In this video from RawVegas.tv, Russian stoic philosopher Fedor Emelianenko drops some knowledge regarding the issues of the day, including his thoughts on Randy Couture and his somewhat surprising admission that he is impressed by Brock Lesnar. My personal favorite is when he responds to Dana White’s earlier criticism of him by remarking that the UFC president’s comments are on his own conscience and he’s the one who will have to live with them. These are the moments that make me wonder if Fedor isn’t some being sent from another world in order to teach us all to be kinder to one another. Then I rewatch his bout with Tim Sylvia and I am forced to abandon that theory.

Only 196 entries, guys? Seriously? It would have killed you to break 200?

On the real, though, the response to this one was mind-blowing. There’s no way we can just pick one winner, so we’ll call out our 10 favorites, and leave it up to you. Here are the finalists:

devilmonkey: We all have our cross to bear.

Ouch! That hurts: “and God, why in my time of troubles were there only one set of footprints in the Chili’s?”

Horror Fighter: “Lethal Weapon 5: This Time It’s Different Because the White Guy’s the Old One and the Black Guy’s the Crazy One.” (Ed. note: I chopped off the first half of this entry in the interest of brevity. You understand.)

Matt Herpes: This is what happens when you don’t put Rampage’s dressing on the side.

Savalas: 20 minutes later, the man that Rampage body-slammed tragically lost his food-baby.

baba: After his twelfth Awesome Blossom, Rampage has trouble distinguishing between his steel chain necklace and the waitstaff.

killa: okay…you can have the booth

Dollar Hot Dogs: disgruntled postal worker on a Rampage? Total cliche.

Markdog: “I bet you my next fight don’t go to no decision. I bet my whole purse, and this big dude on it!”

Charles Fuller: man i want those gloves. (Ed note: If you don’t think any of the above finalists are funny, feel free to vote for this one as a form of protest.)

Do your voting in the poll over there on the right, and we’ll announce the winner of those badass TapouT cage gloves (courtesy of GroundAndPound.com) this time tomorrow.

(Photo taken last night, courtesy of MMA Rated.)

From MMA Payout:

MMAPayout.com has learned that Couture and Emelianenko, along with their respective management teams, have spent a great deal of time together in Los Angeles this week. The purpose of the informal summit is not entirely clear, but one logical goal of the meetings could be the development of a collective strategy moving forward in order to insure that [their] fight takes place, sooner rather than later.

Adding intrigue to the meetings are recent statements from both parties, as well as the UFC, publicly indicating a willingness to discuss resolving their respective differences in order to have the fight take place in the Octagon, perhaps by the end of the year [Ed. note: Well, no]. Speculation within the industry pegs the pay-per-view expectations for the fight around one million buys if promoted by the UFC, which combined with what has become an expensive and protracted legal battle, give both sides ample motivation to come to an agreement.

MMA Rated got visual confirmation of last night’s Randy/Fedor bro-hang, while Sherdog added the following:

Couture, Emelianenko, and their representatives spent “significant” time together, as they met for breakfast and dinner, [a] source said. They were also involved in a photo shoot together, reports the source. While speculation around a future fight promoted by Affliction seems certain to swirl, the source indicated the upstart promotion was not behind the aforementioned shoot.

I wouldn’t read too much into this. Couture and Emelianenko have been extremely friendly in the past, and this could just be a case of two buddies sharing a few meals, hitting the clubs, stocking up on Ed Hardy tees, and laughing about what a fairy Tim Sylvia is.

Randy Couture was featured in Wednesday night’s episode of Biography, which covered the Natural’s fatherless upbringing, his background in wrestling, his four failed attempts to make the U.S. Olympic team, his transition from wife #1 to wife #2 to wife #3, his discovery of mixed martial arts, and his championship successes. The documentary suffers from a lack of approved UFC footage — hence all the random IFL and Pancrase clips — but it’s a good way to learn about Couture’s backstory if you aren’t already a Randy fanatic. Check out the full video above; props to MMA Scraps.

(They grow ‘em sturdy in Minnesota.)

On this week’s edition of MMA Rated Radio Ariel Helwani and I talk with female MMA fighter Kelly Kobold, who confirmed that she will be facing Gina Carano in Elite XC on CBS in October. This, despite the fact that Kobold is coming off two straight losses and “Cyborg” Santos waits in the wings after her downright frightening performance at “Unfinished Business”. Perhaps it helps that Kobold has been openly critical of Carano’s inability to make weight. She even refers to interviews where Gina has been asked about it and instead of answering, “evaded the question and went on to spout some patriotic crap.” We also discuss UFC 87, Affliction’s newest signings, and other stuff. Check it out here.

In other news, WAMMA sent out a press release today announcing the Josh Barnett-Andrei Arlovski match as an “elimination fight” with the winner taking on Fedor Emelianenko for the WAMMA heavyweight title. I guess they’re assuming that Fedor won’t defect to the UFC with their title in order to face Randy Couture.

In case you’re wondering, Barnett is ranked third by WAMMA and Arlovski moved up to fourth with his win over Ben Rothwell. You can probably guess who number two is (hint: he’s in the Rob Schneider clip below, and it isn’t Bob Sapp or Don Frye).

Pro fighter/bikini model Michelle “The Karate Hottie” Watterson will make her EliteXC debut on the untelevised undercard of their September 20th Showtime broadcast. You can get to know her better by watching this video of her posing in bikinis and doing high kicks; thanks, Fightlinker.

Sometimes the most badass guys are the ones you’d least expect — for example, the short, skinny, possibly Hispanic man in the above video with the insane fu-manchu mustache. Who knew he’d have that kind of upkicking prowess? (See the 2:28 mark). By the way, if anybody can figure out what he’s saying at 1:18, 1:23, 1:27, and 1:32, please let us know. Bas Rutten, you’ve just been served. Mad props to our buds at Holy Taco.

Here’s a clip from the Rob Schneider comedy Big Stan featuring Don Frye, Bob Sapp, and Randy Couture. If we remember Couture for nothing else, let’s remember him for the line he delivers at 3:28. Props to “Card” on the UG.

Bonus awesomeness after the jump…

Dana White’s UFC 87 Video Blog – Watch more free videos

Dana White’s video blog is back, and it picks up steam around the 3:34 mark when he sits down to dinner with Rampage Jackson, who is totally “not crazy”. Just suffering from some “delirium”, as it turns out, but otherwise seems to be back to his old self. But don’t worry, the Dana White news update doesn’t stop there.

White appeared on a radio show recently (download the full version here, via Bloody Elbow) in which he has some sharp words for Roger Huerta. As you might have guessed, he is not pleased with Huerta’s comments bashing the organization’s treatment of him, and White responds by painting Huerta as an overhyped prima dona. And who overhyped him? The UFC, of course. But that doesn’t mean he should believe it, according to White:

“Roger Huerta’s a guy who’s been reading the headlines a little too much. You get out there and promote the guy and he’s like, “Look at all the papers I’m in, look at all the promotion I’m getting, I want a lot more money.’ Well he hasn’t fought anybody to get the money yet. He beats Kenny Florian, that’s a whole different ballgame.”

“Roger Huerta has contract problems? What’s his contract problem? He signed a contract, he’s under contract, when his contract is up he’ll renegotiate a new one. …What he was bitching about was doing PR. In his thing he said, ‘They got me out there doing PR.’ Yeah, moron. How do you think you make money? You don’t make money unless people know who you are and want to see you fight. Am I supposed to pay Roger Huerta to go out and do PR? Is that how it works?”

“That’s not how it works. When Oscar De La Hoya fights, he’s on Leno and Letterman. The night before his fight, he weighs in in Las Vegas, and then flies to Los Angeles to do PR for the fight. Because he makes more money. Because he becomes more popular and more people want to see him fight. …What happens is these guys turn into pussies, is what happens.”

(Mmmm, apocalyptic…)

After a Long Beach Press-Telegram article confirmed that Affliction’s next event would be headlined by a heavyweight bout between Josh Barnett (23-5) and Andrei Arlovski (13-5), the t-shirt company put up a home page for the October 11th card — named “Day of Reckoning” — which will be held at the Thomas and Mack Center in Las Vegas. An exclusive ticket presale for “Affliction customers” begins Wednesday; tickets can be bought here.

Besides that reported bout between Matt Lindland and Vitor Belfort, the only thing we know about the lineup at this point is that Fedor won’t be on it. Though the absence of Affliction’s best fighter is unfortunate, Emelianenko still isn’t a proven pay-per-view draw in the U.S., and if Affliction can quickly get their hands on someone who is — Tito Ortiz, in a best-case scenario — then “Reckoning” should be able to out-perform “Banned.” We’ll keep you updated as the card comes together.

But speaking of Fedor, you wanna hear something totally freakin’ wild?

(Why is only one person in this photo really selling it?)

- Talking wrasslin’ and Playboy Mansion parties with Daniel Puder. (MMA Rated)

- Marcus Davis wants to punch each other in the face like gentleman. (Sub Fighter)

- Roger Huerta says the UFC is twisting his words. (MMA Madness)

- UFC signs Mike Massenzio to fight at Ultimate Fight Night 15. (Five Ounces of Pain).

- Couture says Affliction has the right approach to taking on the UFC. (Steve Cofield)

- Knee injury derails Dean Lister-Thales Leites bout. (MMA Weekly)

- Cops found weed on Snoop Dogg’s tour bus? Are you sure? (Holy Taco)

- When to skimp and when to splurge: a guide for men. (Wall Street Fighter)

There’s been a rash of MMA coverage in traditional media recently, and while it’s not always favorable — or respectful, or accurate in any way — every little bit helps, right? Here’s some of what unsuspecting non-fans have been exposed to as of late…

— Last night’s episode of Lewis Black’s Root of All Evil on Comedy Central focused on “Ultimate Fighting” vs. blogging, with comedians Andy Daly and Patton Oswalt debating which activity is more offensive. Watch the above video for Lewis Black’s opening statements, and click here to see Andy Daly’s really, really, really, incredibly lame condemnation of the sport. From the repeated use of the phrase “Ultimate Fighting” instead of “MMA,” to the bizarre/hostile fantasy of Kimbo Slice being choked with his own intestines, it’s the kind of retardedly uninformed outsider commentary that makes Fowlkes’s forehead vein pop out. (As for the MMA vs. bloggers debate, they’re both equally worthless, and I cry myself to sleep every night while cuddling my filthy dog.)

— Today, the New York Times published a feature on cauliflower ear, and how it’s become a badge of honor for practitioners of “mixed martial arts or ultimate fighting” (hey, progress!). Let me just say first that the NYT is always late to the party with their trend pieces, and by the time they inform their elderly readers about what’s so hot right now, the kids have stopped doing it completely. So you should expect this whole cauliflower ear thing to fall out of fashion any day now. The article’s actually kind of interesting, although it does contain one very FAIL-worthy passage:

Randy Couture told Fox Sports that he’s expecting a ruling to be handed down this week in the Texas court where his UFC contract is being examined. Will he be free and clear in October, when the no-compete clause ends? Or will the two fights left on his contract and the “champions clause” hold up? We just don’t know, and even if we did know, there’s still the business of appeals to wade through after the ruling. But there is some indication that Couture’s attitude towards his former employers may have softened:

Couture said his status probably won’t be finalized even after the ruling because appeals are expected from the losing party. But Couture said he ultimately expects to face Emelianenko, the renowned Russian fighter who scored a 36-second submission victory over Tim Sylvia in the main event of Saturday night’s Affliction pay-per-view show in Anaheim.

“When, where and with what promotion — we don’t know,” said Couture, who exchanged challenges with Emelianenko after the Affliction show. “It could happen in UFC. We just don’t know. I want it to happen. Fedor wants it to happen. In some way, shape or form, we’re going to make it happen.”

Is this a subtle olive branch from “The Natural”? Could he be trying to tell the UFC that if they can still give him the Fedor fight, all is forgiven?

When Vitor Belfort knocked out Terry Martin at Affliction: Banned (see above video, in case you didn’t get the FSN broadcast), it was hard not to think that “The Phenom” was back. But what we didn’t know was that he did it with a broken hand. As he told the Xtreme Couture blog, he basically fought the whole bout that way:

XC: When did you break your hand?

Vitor: The first punch I threw. It was a straight left. I knew right away it broke. But I had to keep going. I couldn’t throw my combinations I had worked on. Coach Tompkins was yelling at me to throw my combos. At the end of the first round I went back to the corner and Tompkins was yelling at me, “Why don’t you throw your combos?” I said, “My hand is broken”. He said, “Ok” and Randy said, “Just go first. Go for it and finish the fight”.

I said to myself, “Ok, I’ll do that”. It was great chemistry in the corner. I went out and I did what they said. I was looking to land a big shot and get it over with. It’s my left hand, which is my power hand. I went out and threw the kick at Terry. When he caught my kick I let him take me down so I could soften him up with the elbows. I knew I could get back to my feet when I needed to. Then I set him up for the knee. After that I was able to pick his head up with the uppercut and end it with the straight left.

Belfort says he won’t need surgery, but will have to take about four weeks off before getting back in action. He also says that he has a contract with Affliction and wants to fight for them again soon, hopefully against Frank Shamrock. While that might not be the most feasible request at the current time, perhaps a derogatory t-shirt (always a favorite of ours) will get things moving in the right direction.

An unrelated but also interesting moment in the interview comes when Belfort comments on how he first got into MMA under the guidance of Carlson Gracie, before things got ugly:

Randy Couture’s “memoirs” are out, co-written by Sherdog’s Loretta Hunt. “Becoming the Natural” is sure to be an instant classic in the ‘sports books written by someone else in the first-person voice of the famous person’ genre, which we love. If you’re interested in getting your copy signed, Couture is beginning a book tour on July 21 and will be hitting the following sporadic spots:

- Monday, July 21st – NYC / Virgin Megastore Times Square (6:00 PM)
- Tuesday, July 22nd – NYC / Borders Wall Street (12:30 PM) AND Bookends in Ridgewood, NJ (6:00)
- Thursday, July 24th – San Diego / Camp Pendleton (6:00 PM)
- Monday, July 28th – LA / Virgin Megastore Hollywood & Highland (7:00 PM)
- Tuesday, July 29th – Torrance, CA / Borders (7:00 PM)
- Wednesday, July 30th – Long Beach CA / B&N (7:00 PM)
- Thursday, July 31st – Las Vegas / B&N (7:00 PM)
- Monday, August 4th – Chicago / Borders in Schaumberg (7:30 PM)
- Tuesday, August 5th – Cincinnati / Joseph-Beth Booksellers (7:00 PM)

Amazon describes it as “the remarkable story of one of the world’s most gifted and dedicated athletes — a born fighter whose skill and showmanship have helped to lift mixed martial arts out of the shadows and into the mainstream.”

They also say he wins fights with “the seemingly effortless ease with which lesser mortals eat or breathe.” Hyperbole, it seems, is the book synopsis writer’s best friend.

From Xtreme Couture MMA:

Mark August 19th on your calendar. That’s when “Scorpion King 2? starring Randy comes out on DVD and BluRay.

See how the legend of The Scorpion King began! When a young Mathayus (Michael Copon) witnesses his father’s death at the hands of the king (UFC Champion Randy Couture), his quest for vengeance transforms him into the most feared warrior of the ancient world. From the director of Resident Evil: Extinction and Highlander comes a heroic adventure filled with heart-stopping action and thrilling visual effects!

Interesting…we just assumed that he’d be playing a good guy. But this is even better, because every time Randy is given a villain role, he knocks it right the fuck out the park. Couple more pics after the jump.

Previously:
Christ, What an Asshole
Randy Couture’s Cauliflower Ear Gives Riveting Performance on The Unit

(Quit staring, sicko. Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

Steve Cofield has an interesting piece on Yahoo! wherein he lambasts the “sickos in the blogosphere” for reveling in Kim Couture’s pain after her fight in Las Vegas on Friday night. The main thrust of the article is Cofield trying to figure out what went wrong that allowed Couture to suffer a broken jaw, among other injuries, and still fight for three rounds. Cofield describes Couture as “ill-equipped to defend herself” and says that many fans left the arena that night “sickened” by what they saw.

This argument raises an obvious double standard regarding men’s and women’s MMA. Kim Couture isn’t the first fighter to suffer a broken jaw. She’s not the first to keep fighting with one either. The fact that she did so speaks to her toughness, and if she were a man we probably wouldn’t feel the need to say anything more about it than that.

But that’s not what’s happening, simply because she’s a woman. Suddenly, what would have been gutsy becomes sickening. We start looking around for someone to blame, rather than reminding ourselves that this is a tough business where people routinely get hurt and fight hurt.

By popular demand, here’s the video of the grisly fight between Randy’s wife and some other woman named Kim, which ended (one would hope) with Couture rethinking this whole MMA thing. Reportedly it was Rose’s fight-opening overhand right that split Couture’s jaw in two. Props to “Sugar-Free” for hanging in despite the agony. Round 1 is above; rounds 2 and 3 are after the jump.

Update: Couture and Rose each received $1,000 for their fight.

(Photo courtesy of Sherdog via Combat Lifestyle via Bloody Elbow, or something like that.)

As you can see, things didn’t go so well for Kim Couture during her professional MMA debut Friday at “Free For All: A Night of Combat,” at the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas. En route to a decision loss against Kim Rose — who was also making her pro debut that night — Couture suffered a broken nose, a broken jaw-bone (split in the middle of her chin), and a seriously busted grill. Interviewed after the match, Rose told fans in attendance “I felt like destroying something beautiful.” Nah, not really. Results of the MMA half of the MMA/boxing card are below.

John Alessio def. Pete Spratt via submission (rear naked choke), 2:07 of round 2
Kim Rose def. Kim Couture via unanimous decision
Dave Jansen def. Dennis Davis via unanimous decision
Kui Gonsalves def. Ricky Johnson via unanimous decision
Brice Ritani-Coe def. Rob Mitchell via TKO (strikes), 4:33 of round 1

(Props: MMA Weekly)

(“Chained Fists,” only available at NathanDiaz.com.)

On Friday, we put two Nate Diaz-related t-shirts up for grabs to the readers who could provide the best captions for the above photo involving Randy Couture, Gina Carano, and three of their groupies. And apparently you really want to represent tha’ 209, because you came full force with it. First, our honorable mentions…

Matt Herpes: This is exactly why Kim bought that testicle-scale.

F.A.S.: Xtreme Ho-ture

Damien: Looks like Fedor isn’t the only heavyweight that Randy wants to get his hands on.

boobah: Gina later realized that Applebee’s was not the best choice for cutting weight.

MMA-hole: “Yeah, that’s right…I’m Bruce Willis…”

TheFeniX: Shown here: People who make a living destroying others for monetary gain, every 6 months or so. Also pictured: Randy Couture and Gina Carano.

bmwtech: Just goes to show you that every group of girls has a DBUF. Designated bald ugly friend.

And now, the shirt-winners…

(“Stockton 209,” only available at NathanDiaz.com)

Not only is Nate Diaz one of the most exciting lightweights in the UFC, but the t-shirt designs on his website kick more ass than a no-hands triangle choke with double “F-you” fingers. If you’re a Diaz fan, you should definitely order one to cover your torso — or, you can win one in today’s caption contest. The two CagePotato readers who provide the best captions to the photo below will win a t-shirt of their choice from NathanDiaz.com. All entries must be submitted to the comments section of this post by Monday at 2 p.m. ET. Good luck out there, and always, always represent your area code.

(Kaitlin Young was swept under the rug after her fight with Gina Carano.)

“[T]he doctor actually cleared me to fight the third round but the commission said no. I wanted to continue, my corner wanted to continue. The cut likely would have opened in the third but it was under the eye. If I had to guess, I would say that they didn’t want the visual of a woman with a bloody face on CBS. They also chose not to do a post fight interview with me or to include me in the post fight news conference and after party. I think the reason for that was my beat up appearance after the fight because I was not seriously injured and was completely coherent. I am very disappointed about that but cant help but wonder how people would have responded to that, as stupid as it is.” — Kaitlin Young, on her loss to Gina Carano and resulting media snub.

“Brett is gonna have to learn that it’s about the money…I don’t think [a fight between Brett Rogers and Kimbo Slice] is a fight that I would do. I might do Brett Rogers against [Antonio] Silva…but that’s what makes me a promoter. I appreciate all you guys, but you don’t run me. I’m just saying, I don’t read blogs, I don’t read anything…I run a professional sports franchise. My job is to put asses in seats, build stars, build superstars, not let someone guide me who fights who.” — Gary Shaw, getting a little hot under the collar during an interview with MMARated.

“I’m confident I’ll fight again. I’m also OK with the idea that it may not happen. I may get a bad (court) ruling and I can’t really see myself at this point going back and fighting two more times for the UFC if that’s what the state says I have to do. So there’s the potential I could be done fighting and I’m OK with that too.” — Randy Couture, on his disputed contract status with the UFC.

“Ortiz says he’s ’65 percent’ sure that he’ll begin his own MMA organization. ‘When I was in the UFC, they talked so much about how I wanted to get out of it and how I wanted to stop fighting,’ Ortiz said. ‘It was a bunch of baloney. I still see 3-4 more years of competition left (in me) and I want to build. I want to make a (rival) company neck and neck with the UFC. I think it’s going to be about taking care of the fighters and that’s what I’m going to do.’” — Tito Ortiz in an interview with the Boston Herald.

I guess you could call this CagePotato’s first original highlight reel. We rounded up the most insane TV commercials starring MMA fighters and stuffed them into a single video for your convenience and enjoyment. Some of them are beloved classics; some you’ve probably never seen before. Noticeably absent are the unauthorized Fedor Emelianenko honey-drink spot (because we’d like to avoid any rude letters from Fedor’s lawyers), and the Rich Franklin “Xyience Teacher” commercial (because it seems to have disappeared from the Internet). But if we’ve left out any other good ones, shoot us some links in the comments section. As Randy Couture might say, “Oh, you’re gonna like this.”

(Randy Couture: Even his cauliflower ear is smiling.)

Yesterday, the District Court of Dallas County, Texas, denied three motions filed by Zuffa to stay, delay, and/or dismiss HDNet’s challenge of Couture’s promotional contract with the UFC. Zuffa claims that Couture still owes them two bouts on his contract, while Couture is arguing that the contract will expire in July, after its 16-month term concludes.

The decision will now allow HDNet’s motion for a summary judgment to be heard on June 2nd. HDNet first brought this suit against Zuffa in February, stating that they had a business arrangement with Couture that required a decision on his promotional contract status with the company. If this leg of Couture’s legal marathon goes his way, he’ll be an official free-agent once the one-year non-compete clause in his employment contract expires in October, and will finally be able to set up a fight with his personal white whale, Fedor Emelianenko.

In a separate lawsuit being heard in Las Vegas, Zuffa is suing Couture for breach of contract stemming from his (and Xtreme Couture’s) former association with the IFL. Zuffa is also seeking a ruling on Couture’s fight contract, though a judgment in Texas could affect Zuffa’s case. Or, for you law school geeks, “due to the legal doctrines of res judicata, collateral estoppel, and the full faith and credit clause, the first ruling issued will most likely decide the matter.” I don’t know what that means, and I don’t want to know. But come on, Zuffa — can we just let Fedor kick Randy’s ass so we can all move on with our lives?

Jens Pulver may have said that there would be no trash-talking leading up to his WEC featherweight championship match against Urijah Faber on June 1st, but Faber’s implication that Pulver has stopped evolving with the sport certainly comes close. Our favorite part: Jens punching out the cadence of his words at 1:58. This fight is going to kick so much ass…

Also: Check out this teaser clip for the upcoming first episode of Outside the Ring, hosted by Marika Taylor; for more Marika, go here.

Miss, I was born ready…

By Ariel Helwani, courtesy of our new content partners at MMARated.

Whether it’s his legal issues with the UFC or all the fighters competing under the Xtreme Couture banner, one might surmise that Randy Couture will one day be considered the most influential fighter to ever compete in the sport.

While everyone has had a chance to ask Couture about his issues with the UFC we tried to conduct an interview with him where we talked about everything but those problems. Sadly, we only lasted eight minutes and thirteen seconds. Oh well, it was worth a shot.

Ariel Helwani: Hey Randy, haven’t heard much about you. Been up to anything special lately?
Randy Couture: Just been cornering a lot of my fighters and doing some voiceover stuff for “The Scorpion King” movie we have coming out at the end of the summer. But I’m really excited about David Mamet’s movie “Redbelt.” Just saw the premiere and got to see the movie for the first time last Monday and I thought it came out fantastic.

By the way, that was a really poor attempt at humor on my part. Obviously, we are all well up-to-speed on everything going down in your life…
(laughs)

But speaking of “Redbelt,” I always thought Tim Allen’s casting in the movie was an odd choice for this kind of movie. What did you think of the job he did in the film?
He played a character named “Chet” who is an action-hero actor who everybody assumes, because of his Hollywood films, that he is a real tough guy. However, he’s really not because he’s got a lot of baggage and several other issues but I thought this was kind of a departure for him to play a little more serious character — it wasn’t a comedic role. He did a fantastic job. I thought he pulled it off great.

Anything else on the entertainment front involving you that we should know about?
Looks like Labor Day weekend “Big Stan” will be finally coming out. That’s the Rob Schneider film that I got a chance to work on two summers ago. I’m really excited about that movie. I think it’s going to be a typical Rob Schneider movie and everybody’s going to get a big kick out of it. And then obviously later this summer, August time frame, they’re saying that “The Scorpion King” will be finished up and coming out. I’ve been reading for some more parts but haven’t really landed the next gig in the acting genre but we did pitch a two-hour pilot to Spike. Kind of a military-esque drama that I will be starring in when they finish writing it and then we get to shoot it.

Will the fact that the UFC has such strong ties with Spike ruin that show’s chances of seeing the light of day?
You know, obviously Dana could get involved if he wanted to mess things up but I think if he wanted to do that he would have done it already at this point. This has already been pitched and taken on by Spike so that may be tough to do at this stage but anything’s possible.

(Jake O’Brien: Too boring for the UFC? Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

— The debut of Strikeforce on NBC on Saturday night was hindered by a lack of participation by major NBC affiliates. In Houston, Without a Trace aired in the timeslot Strikeforce was supposed to have; in New York there was just a black screen for 30 minutes. Steve Sievert reports that Strikeforce purchased the late night/early morning timeslot from NBC, meaning the show is closer to an infomercial than a network sports broadcast. Hopefully it’ll help harvest some new fans for Strikeforce, because the March 29th Showtime broadcast of “Shamrock vs. Le” only pulled in a 1.2 rating (287,00 viewers), which is lower than Showtime’s viewership for “Street Certified” (1.9) and Shamrock’s previous two headlining fights against Cesar Gracie and Phil Baroni (1.6, 1.7). If you missed Strikeforce on NBC‘s premiere, click here.

— Following the first loss in his eleven-fight career (against Andrei Arlovski at UFC 82), the UFC has cut ties with Jake O’Brien; he had two fights left on his current contract. Reportedly, the UFC simply had too many fighters under contract, and are in the midst of a talent purge. We can only assume that O’Brien’s last three fights, in which he bored audiences with dull wrestling and lay-and-pray tactics, soured his image in the eyes of the UFC top brass. O’Brien’s manager Ken Pavia confirmed that O’Brien has agreed to a two-fight deal with the Palace Fighting Championship organization. “Had we known that his tenure with [the UFC] was at risk when we were presented with the Arlovski fight, we may have approached it differently,” Pavia said. “I don’t think they’ve seen the true Jake. He’s still a kid, and he’s still learning.” Before he joined the UFC, all of O’Brien’s fights ended in first-round KO/TKO victories.