(Don’t worry, Gina. We won’t let Cyborg on the set.)

It appears that Cris Cyborg may have taken more than just Gina Carano’s Strikeforce belt when she beat the woman many consider to be the most popular female mixed martial arts fighter of all time last August.

She may have taken her will to fight as well.

360 days have passed since her last bout and while the MMA community holds its collective breath waiting for an update on when (or if) Carano will fight again, her former trainer, coach and cornerman Randy Couture isn’t convinced she’ll ever compete again.

(Video courtesy BJPenn.com)

Not wanting to be outdone by smack-talking sonnet writer Chael Sonnen, James Toney is stepping up the pre-fight banter ahead of his UFC 118 showdown with Randy Couture on August 20.

In his most recent interview with BJPenn.com, the 41-year-old International Boxing Association heavy weight champion who likens himself to a stingray, calls Couture "a octopus" who he says would be the equivalent of "a bum in boxing" skill-wise. He once again attempts to goad the former UFC light heavyweight and heavyweight champion into standing and trading with him "like a man" and not laying on top of him "f-ing him like he’s his girlfriend."

I’m starting to think "Lights Out" is a bit more concerned about being on his back than he’s letting on. 

On the bright side, James, maybe Randy will give you half of his money and let you keep his last name after he beats you lays on top of you for three rounds.

(Letting James Toney wear four-ounce gloves? Sounds like contrapment to me. PicProps: SBNation)

We’re not sure if this meets the legal burden for proving premeditation, but boxing champion James Toney says he’s liable to kill (yes, literally kill) Randy Couture next month at UFC 118 if he hits him while wearing MMA gloves. Oh, and as for Couture’s takedown prowess? Lights Out’s not even sweating it.

“Everybody asks ‘How are you going to defend the takedown?’ I’m not worried about that. How are you going to defend these punches?” Toney told MMA Weekly in an interview published on Saturday. “I’m going from 10-ounce gloves to four-ounce gloves. If I hit someone with four-ounce gloves, oh my goodness, me and my crew might go to jail for homicide.”

(Laugh it up, kid. Jewelry and silk shirts make you look 20 years younger. I could pass as your brother.)

Strikeforce announced today that it has signed Ryan Couture to a contract and that the lightweight prospect who holds an amateur MMA record of 5-1-1 will make his professional debut on August 13 at the next Strikeforce Challengers event at Dodge Theatre in Phoenix, Arizona.

The 27-year-old who trains out of his dad, UFC Hall-of-Famer Randy Couture’s Xtreme Couture gym in Las Vegas, Nevada will take on Lucas Stark at the event.

(How did I train? I didn’t train. I bought me one of these Fedor sweaters and ate ice cream for eight weeks. I’m ready to go.)

James "Lights Out" Toney Sat down with MMAFighting.com lead blogger Michael David Smith today for an online chat with fans about the boxer’s upcoming MMA debut fight with UFC Hall-of-Famer Randy Couture.

Although Toney’s responses seemed suspiciously devoid of their usual incoherency, hearing him call MMA fighters "a bunch of girls" will just add to the collective satisfaction of fans and pundits when he gets beaten by a member of the fairer sex on August 28 at UFC 118.

Here’s are Toney’s replies to fans on the chat, who incidentally obviously didn’t read Ben’s piece on what not to ask in an MMA interview. 

(Props: LRNINI)

Randy Couture told us last week that he didn’t view his UFC 118 fight against James Toney as "boxing vs. MMA." Well too freakin’ bad, because that’s exactly how the UFC is marketing it (0:18). While we’re very familiar with Dark Gable’s barely-coherent YouTube rants, this advance trailer for Edgar vs. Penn 2 is the first time that Toney’s been a part of an official UFC hype-clip. And he makes the most of his eight-second appearance, telling Randy, "Hey princess…I’mma gitch’oo," then slugging a speed-bag. Genius. Also, Frank Edgar raises the possibility of a second win over BJ Penn, and the narrator sounds like he’s stifling a burp during the "only on pay-per-view" line. If that’s not enough to get your $44.99, we don’t know what to tell you.

Related: Ray Mercer Is Straight-Up Murdering That Heavy Bag

(Video courtesy YouTube)

To say Jeremy Horn is "just a fighter" would be a major understatement.

The man is the epitome of what a fighter should be: A no-excuses guy who fights whomever, whenever.

We’ve all heard the stories about Horn driving from a fight in Illinois on to one in Indiana the next night, not for the money, but because he loved to fight and that’s where he had to go to do it.

(Video courtesy YouTube)

Sylvester Stallone was on Late Night with David Letterman last night and had some complimentary things to say about his The Expendables co-star Randy Couture (around the 4:09 mark).

Randy Couture Discusses The Expendables, UFC 118 Fight With Ja – Watch more Funny Videos
(Randy is one of those strong, soft-spoken types, and unfortunately my camera didn’t do a great job of picking up his audio, especially near the beginning. I recommend listening to this with headphones, at a decent volume.)

UFC Hall of Famer Randy Couture was in New York yesterday doing press for his supporting role in The Expendables, and I got a chance to point my Flip cam at him for about 10 minutes and ask stupid questions. Couture revealed the secret behind Sylvester Stallone’s cartoonish forearms, weighed in on which member of the The Expendables is the toughest S.O.B. in real life, and explained why this movie was important to his budding movie career.

Of course, we also discussed his upcoming UFC 118 fight against James Toney. The Natural gives his thoughts on Toney’s off-the-wall trash talk, whether or not the match is a "freak show," and how he’s been preparing for Toney’s boxing skills. Some transcribed highlights are after the jump…

(Video courtesy YouTube/MMAFighting)

The more interviews I see with James Toney, the more I’m beginning to think the guy really believes that six months of sprawl training is going to give him the tools to walk through Randy Couture and subsequently earn him a shot at Brock Lesnar, whom he feels he will knock out with a lazy jab while adjusting his shorts. 

Juanito Ibarra is a helluva drug.

Ariel Helwani deserves a medal for getting through an entire interview with the International Boxing Association and North American Boxing Organization heavyweight champion without a single, "C’mon James. You don’t really believe that, do you?"

(Haye poses with freakishly large ex-champ Nikolai Valuev, who Haye defeated by decision last July. No, there is nothing wrong with your computer screen.)

For those of you who don’t follow boxing, David Haye (24-1, 22 KOs) is the reigning WBA World Heavyweight Champion who James Toney says he’s going to fight in October, right after he beats up Randy Couture at UFC 118. Coincidentally, Haye is a big UFC fan who trains in MMA in his spare time, so he can appreciate the danger that Lights Out/D-Block is putting himself into by taking a fight against Couture, even if Toney doesn’t seem to get it. From Kevin Iole via BloodyElbow:

[Haye] doesn’t believe Toney’s going to be able to fight him after he gets pummeled by Couture, though he has mad respect for Toney’s boxing skill and record. “James Toney is the purest of the pure at boxing,” Haye said. “He is so brilliant at boxing and his skills are so ingrained in him that he’s been an elite level fighter, in shape or not in shape, his skills alone put him on another level as a boxer.

Haye believes Couture will take Toney down quickly and easily and pummel him on the ground…“Six months of training isn’t going to be enough,” Haye said. “As a UFC fan, I know two or three years wouldn’t be enough. How many times has Toney sprawled in his life? 500? How many leg kicks has he taken in his life? 300? How many Kimura attempts has he defended? 140? Even if he’s done double that amount, he wouldn’t have nearly the experience needed to win a UFC fight.”

(Props: FearNo12012)

…okay, he doesn’t really call 911. He pretends to, as part of an improvisational comedy routine titled "Randy Couture, I’mma Beatcho Ass." It’s kind of amazing, actually, and a lot more focused than Toney’s previous insane YouTube callout efforts. See, when Frank Mir threatens to kill somebody in the Octagon, he loses his WEC color-man gig and is forced to apologize to Brock Lesnar. When James "Lights Out" Toney does it? Pure magic.

Of course, there are a few other things that stand out in the video. First off, Toney is training at the M-1 Global gym in Chatsworth, California — which puts the Dark Emperor just one degree of separation away from the Last Emperor — and yeah, that’s Juanito Ibarra creeping around back there. Toney also mentions that he has a boxing match scheduled against WBA heavyweight champ David Haye on October 1st, just five weeks after the Couture fight at UFC 118. Talk about optimistic. And yes, Toney plans on murdering Haye as well. And getting away with it. And getting paid for it. A lotta money. Mucho dinero. Mucho mugambo. Mmm.

After the jump: Even more of James Toney shouting at a hand-held camera.

(Props: XCMMA)

As he prepares for his July 3rd showdown with Shane Carwin, Brock Lesnar has joined forces with a somewhat unlikely ally — Randy Couture, who Lesnar wrecked in his first UFC title fight back in November 2008. The two heavyweight stars stayed friendly after their meeting in the Octagon, and Couture recently decided to head up to Alexandria, Minnesota, to train at Lesnar’s private Death Clutch training facility; you know, the one with all the badass tigers and jacked gladiators on the walls and shit.

(“Go ahead and strap that black belt on right here, Deano.”)

Amid concerns this week that James Toney may not yet have signed his formal bout agreement to face Randy Couture at UFC 118, reports surfaced that the former boxing champion had tabbed one-time Xtreme Couture affiliate Dean Lister and Strikeforce light heavyweight champion Muhammed Lawal to help shore up his ground game. To this, I say: Bullshit. Toney might be rolling with Lister and Lawal a bit just to keep up appearances, but there’s no way he’s making an honest effort to learn to grapple.

Look, in his day James Toney was nothing short of an unmitigated badass. He was a guy who took on all-comers in numerous weight classes and more often than not came out on top. Even at his advanced age he can still hit very, very hard. But Toney has never, especially in recent years, been overly committed to training. The idea that he would suddenly attempt to augment his skill-set three months before his MMA debut is far-fetched. The notion that – even if he did – he could close the grappling gap on Couture in that short amount of time is, well, ludicrous.

("Yeah…long white hair. Like Saruman. That’s what I’mma do." / Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

According to a recent report on MMAFighting.com, Strikeforce light-heavyweight champion Muhammed "King Mo" Lawal has been offered a slot on a yet-unannounced Strikeforce card in Houston on August 21st. Though he was born in Tennessee, went to college in Oklahoma, and does most of his training in California, Lawal considers himself a Texan by heart. No opponents for Mo have been rumored at this point, and few legitimate challengers to his belt spring to mind; Scott Coker may even want 205-pound standout Rafael "Feijao" Cavalcante to defeat Mike Kyle in a rematch before giving him a title shot. We’ll update you when we know more.

In the meantime, Lawal is keeping busy by helping James Toney prepare for his UFC debut. Seriously:

(Video courtesy YouTube/UppercutMagazine)

IBA heavyweight champion and soon-to-be UFC fighter James Toney did an interview with Uppercut Magazine recently and he had a lot to say about a variety of topics including his upcoming fight with Randy Couture, the Klitschko brothers and the fact that he’s an icon.

A couple interesting points were touched on in the interview.

One, he hasn’t yet signed his contract to face Randy yet. He intimated that he was having "his people" look at the document before he agreed to the terms. Maybe he wants to throw in a Dan Quinn, no takedowns or kicks type of stipulation to the fight. We’ll see what happens.

The second was that Chuck wanted to scrap him at UFC 108. I picture Chuck standing beside Dana when Toney bum rushed him to demand the UFC president sign him to his organization and the Iceman goes into hypnotized killer mode.

"You want me to take care of him, boss?"

"Not yet. Let’s hear him out, first, Chuck."

Anyway, I’ve taken the painstaking time to transcribe the interview for those of you who, like me, don’t speak "punch drunk."

Full transcription after the jump.
———-

(Rua vs. Jackson, PRIDE Total Elimination, 4/23/05)

Randy Couture may be itching for a title shot against Mauricio Rua, but thankfully, logic will prevail in the light-heavyweight division. Dana White confirmed yesterday that the winner of the Quinton Jackson vs. Rashad Evans headliner at UFC 114 (May 29th, Las Vegas) will get the first crack at Shogun’s belt. If Rampage can pull off a victory in his comeback fight — his first appearance since beating Keith Jardine 14 months ago then "quitting" the UFC to film The A-Team — it would set up a rematch with Rua, who beat the crap out of him five years ago in PRIDE.

Related: In an interview with Sherdog before UFC 113, Rua gave his thoughts on another 205-pound star who he might have to tangle with at some point — Jon Jones. "He is a great young fighter, too damn good, and he’s coming with everything in our division," Rua said. "He is very good in wrestling. I think he and Cain Velasquez are the two guys with the best wrestling in MMA today, together with Georges St. Pierre. He’s a very good wrestler, very dangerous. He’s a guy who will give a lot of people trouble." Will Rua be able to avoid the Light-Heavyweight Title Hot Potato Curse™ long enough to battle Bones for the belt one day?

(Video courtesy Sherdog.com)

According to new UFC light heavyweight kingpin Mauricio "Shogun" Rua’s manager, a man who held the title twice in the past is gunning for the next shot at his fighter’s strap. 

Marcelo Alonso told Sherdog.com’s Andy Cotterill that Randy Couture could be Shogun’s first test as champion, contingent on the fact that he doesn’t get caught by a KO shot by UFC newcomer and former boxing champ James Toney when the pair clash at UFC 118 in August.
 

(I guess we’re not the only ones.)

Well, you can’t ever say that Randy Couture is an underachiever.

In an interview with MMA Weekly Radio this week, the former UFC heavyweight and light heavyweight champion said that he wants a title shot within the next six months against the winner of this weekend’s bout between 205-pound kingpin Lyoto Machida and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua.

"I think within the next six months I’d like to be in line to fight the winner of the Machida/Shogun fight," Couture told MMAWeekly Radio host Damon Martin. "I’m going to be in Montreal to watch that fight very attentively. I think it’s going to be a great fight."

Like "The Natural," I too have some lofty goals that will probably never come to fruition, like hitting my lottery numbers and winning a Pulitzer for my CP body of work.

(Either he’s suffering from jet-lag, or he stayed up all night watching a Bad Girls Club marathon. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

After getting soundly handled by Kenny Florian last month, Takanori Gomi will get another chance to prove himself in the UFC — but it won’t be easy. As first reported by MMA Mania, the Fireball Kid will compete at the next "UFC on Versus" show (August 1st, Salt Lake City) against UFC lightweight contender Joe Stevenson. Though Stevenson is coming off a decision loss to George Sotiropolous at UFC 110, he looked better than ever in his previous victories over Spencer Fisher and Nate Diaz, and has to be thought of as the favorite in this matchup. It’s an absolute must-win for Gomi, who would likely be released by the UFC if he loses. Anybody think he’s got a shot?

Semi-related: Randy Couture is slated to appear on the UFC’s August 28th card in Boston, which has fired speculation that he will be facing former boxing champ James Toney, who he previously called dibs on. You’d better hope this doesn’t actually come together, Randy — this guy’s daddy was an original death fighter, for God’s sake…

(Whaddaya say boys? Once more on the way to the nursing home?)

The rampant speculation train just keeps right on rolling when it comes to Chuck Liddell’s next fight. After persistent rumors that an injury to Tito Ortiz had forced the UFC to change their plans for his first fight after the TUF coaching gig, the newest iteration comes to us via Heavy.com, which claims that Liddell will now be meeting Randy Couture for a fourth time at UFC 116 on July 3. If true, that would put the fight on the same card as the planned meeting between Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin, which would pretty much guarantee the kind of pay-per-view numbers that would convince Dana White to forego base-jumping and just be shot out of a cannon over the MGM Grand and into the moat at Excalibur.

So, is there any reason to believe that it’s actually going to happen? We have no idea, but with all these rumors flying around it seems less and less likely that the Liddell-Ortiz bout will actually happen as planned. At this rate, we’re expecting to hear the Chuck Liddell vs. James Toney rumor any day now.

(Don’t do it, Paul! Think of all the impressionable German children! Photo courtesy of Fight Magazine.)

Those wacky Germans are at it again, Potato Nation. It wasn’t enough that the UFC had to put up with all manor of ill-informed, reactionary nonsense when they held their first event in Germany last summer. Oh, no. Now they’ve been banned from German TV for the “unacceptable” level of violence in their broadcasts. Since the UFC has been broadcasting on German sports television channel DSF for roughly a year, it seems odd that they’d be banned only now, especially when their programming is completely unchanged. That’s pretty much the exact position of UFC UK president Marshall Zelaznik, who told Sherdog.com:

“The Bavarian state office for new media has approved UFC programming on DSF twice on separate occasions in the past,” said Zelaznik. “That is why we deem the sudden ban unusual as the content of our programming has not changed. We have also had a commission for youth protection in the media review the situation and they deemed the broadcast legal if televised after 11 p.m.”

So what’s Germany’s problem with MMA, you ask? Well, aside from a vague belief that it will somehow damage the minds of their youth, they also seem really hung up on the whole ‘hitting a man when he’s down’ thing. In its statement explaining the UFC ban, the BLM (which, in German, apparently stands for Bavarian state office for new media) cited certain “breach of taboos” such as “punching a downed opponent.” Also, remember that article from Der Spiegel describing the Brock Lesnar-Randy Couture bout:

(Images courtesy of twitter.com/Randy_Couture and twitter.com/JayHieron.)

Judging from the typos in his Twitter update, he might have been drunk when it happened. But at least Randy didn’t get the name of some chick branded on his arm, which would have to be covered up by a half-assed tribal design in about six months. For the uneducated, "Ferrum Ferro Acuitur" is a Latin phrase meaning "iron sharpens iron." It’s a reference to Proverbs 27 ("…so one man sharpens another"), and when included in an MMA fighter’s tattoo, it basically means that if you surround yourself with strong people, you will become stronger yourself. As for the Fleur-de-Lis, it’s either a symbol of Couture’s French lineage, or a tribute to GSP’s calf.

Well now we don’t know what to believe. Here’s Dana, denying the recent Chuck vs. Rich rumors via Twitter. He goes on to say that "Nothing happened to Tito. Tito and I are cool." Good to know. Still, could all of these reports have been inaccurate? Why the weirdness from Tito lately? Is Randy bummed that he won’t be getting James Toney?

(Image courtesy of twitter.com/Randy_Couture)

Guys, we had the craziest dream last night. We dreamed that the UFC signed James Toney to a multi-fight deal and he was actually training with…HOLY SHIT, NOOOOOOOOO! This isn’t happening! This isn’t happening!

Anyway, here’s some more notes about the aspiring porn star known as Dark Gable…

— Toney’s UFC contract would still allow him to box. Said Dana White: "If we promote him and he does well and that raises his profile and he gets a [Vitali] Klitschko fight and makes a lot of money for himself…I’d be cool with that."

— Randy Couture wants to fight Toney first. Seriously, he mentioned it twice on Twitter. Putting a UFC legend against somebody who’s 0-0 in MMA would definitely fall under the category of "almost criminal, not to mention impossible to get sanctioned in the U.S." Not that the UFC would need to set up the fight in the states… 

— What’s more, this is the caliber of fight that Toney expects to get during his run in the Octagon. As he told Yahoo!, “I’m a main event fighter and I’ve been a main event fighter since before a lot of these punk-(expletive) fighters were out of the crib. Don’t give me that (expletive) about fighting on the undercard. People want to see James Toney and I’m going to give them what they want.”

(Mark Coleman shows these young whippersnappers what a proper punch-face looks like.  Photo courtesy of Fight Magazine’s UFC 109 gallery.)

After a night of upsets and several plodding decisions at UFC 109, we turn to the Potato Index to tell us who’s up and who’s down.

Randy Couture +77
Yes, he dominated Mark Coleman. And yes, that would have been impressive ten years ago. But let’s be brutally honest here. The way Coleman looked last night, there aren’t many light heavyweights in the UFC who couldn’t have beaten him. It’s still a good win for Couture, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s ‘getting better with age.’ It just means Coleman isn’t.

Mark Coleman -91
Two months in Vegas working with a striking coach and he still can’t be bothered to move his head out of the way of a punch? DW is right; it’s time for “The Hammer” to hang it up. You don’t want to become another Ken Shamrock, Mark.

(Serra’s recent training with striking coach Brad Ferro is already paying dividends. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

The UFC handed out $1,184,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses for Saturday night’s show, with Randy Couture and Matt Serra‘s $200,000+ checks leading the pack. Check out the numbers below, and keep in mind that the figures don’t include additional income from sponsorships, undisclosed locker room bonuses, and cuts of the pay-per-view (Couture), or deductions for taxes, insurance, licensing fees, and monthly Life Alert payments (Coleman).

Randy Couture: $250,000 (no win bonus)
def. Mark Coleman: $60,000

Chael Sonnen: $124,000 (includes $32,000 win bonus, $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
def. Nate Marquardt: $105,000 (includes $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus)

Paulo Thiago: $90,000 (includes $15,000 win bonus, $60,000 Submission of the Night bonus)
def. Mike Swick: $43,000

(Couture vs. Coleman hype video by Genghis Con. Respect your elders, son.)

ATTENTION, POTATO NATION: It’s Friday afternoon, which means there’s still time to join MMA FightPicker and submit your predictions for tomorrow night’s UFC 109 card. For the thousands of players who have already signed up, we thank you, and we want you to know that we’ll be battling alongside you. In fact, BF and BG have both joined "Palooka Pool 30 #173" in an effort to determine a house champion. (Ed. note: The loser of this challenge will have to get a tattoo on his ass that says "Ben owns this. Not me, the other Ben.") So please join a FightPicker pool if you haven’t already, then take a look at how we’re answering the questions this week…

1. Randy Couture vs. Mark Coleman at UFC 109: Who will win?
BF: Randy Couture. If Couture can only beat one type of fighter on the UFC roster, it’s the type that Coleman happens to be: old, a little bit slow, and too dependent on his wrestling ability.
BG: Randy Couture. Couture is the master of the gameplan. Coleman drives around Vegas for two days with his low-fuel light on because he’s always late to practice, and runs out of gas on the 215 even though he "put that little extra in there" to begin with. Difference in mental preparation, is what I’m saying.

2. Randy Couture vs. Mark Coleman: Who will score the first takedown?
BF: Randy Couture. This is a little tougher to call, because sometimes the first takedown is determined in part by who’s gunning for takedowns right out of the gate, which should be Coleman. I still think Couture can stifle him until he’s ready to work for something out of the clinch, maybe early in the second round.
BG: Randy Couture. Ditto to all that. You might see these two guys try to prove a point by slugging for a couple rounds, but the Natural will eventually put Coleman on his back from the clinch.

3. Nate Marquardt vs. Chael Sonnen: Who will win?
BF: Nate Marquardt. Chael Sonnen says he doesn’t know what tools he has to beat Marquardt with. It might be the most sensible thing he’s said in weeks.
BG: Nate Marquardt. Okay, agreeing with you is starting to get very boring. I’d better start making some ridiculous picks to liven things up around here…

(This can mean only one of two things: either the UFC is putting on a main event between two MMA dinosaurs, or it’s ‘makeover your dad’ week on "The Ellen Degeneres Show." Photo courtesy of Combat Lifesyle’s presser gallery.)

So who’s going to win the old-timer’s main event bout at UFC 109? Which undercard fighter is most likely to join the ranks of the unemployed after this weekend? Why is my Toyota making that weird sound? At least two of these important questions will be answered in this installment of Ben vs. Ben. Read on to find out which remains a mystery.

There’s some crazy talk that the winner of Randy Couture-Mark Coleman could be in the running for a title shot. Do you have any interest in seeing that? If not, what would you recommend as a next step for the winner and the loser?

BF: If by “in the running,” you mean well behind the winner of Rampage Jackson-Rashad Evans and somewhere just in front of the winner of Tito Ortiz-Chuck Liddell, then sure. In other words, the elderly survivor here is not completely out of the picture. At least not until he is forced to win at least one more fight, at which point he’ll be knocked right out of the picture once again.

Things to love about Steve Cofield‘s interview with Mark Coleman, in no particular order:

– The way Coleman describes a car accident in which he skidded through the intersection and went up on "the medium."

– That he says he’s been living in the Palace Station of late and dreads leaving because of all the stuff he has to pack up, making him the first person in history to put off a move from the Palace Station to the Manadalay Bay.

– That when Coleman finishes telling his story about running out of gas on the 215 freeway and Cofield asks if he’s ever had something similar happen before he responds, "Well, hell yeah."