("I’m gettin’ that belt back, sucka.")

It looks like Rashad Evans has another reason to hate Quinton Jackson’s guts. As Sugar revealed on yesterday’s edition of the “It’s Time” radio show with Bruce Buffer, Evans and Jackson will not be fighting at UFC 107 as originally planned, due to the demands of Rampage’s role in the upcoming A-Team movie. Said Evans:

(Diego Sanchez vs. Clay Guida)

The moment of impact is never flattering. Here are 21 examples of the special look a just-punched fighter gets that says "I may have suffered a minor stroke, please help." (Not to be confused with bitter beer face.) Lots more after the jump…

(Victor Valimaki vs. Alessio Sakara)

(Georges St. Pierre vs. Thaigo Alves)

(Props: Spike via BloodyElbow)

Spike TV has released a whole mess of interview clips featuring the stars of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights, which premieres September 16th after UFC Fight Night 19. The clip at the top is your standard Rampage vs. Rashad gum-flapping session, with Quinton Jackson saying that the Team Rashad heavyweights are "lil’ bitty," "garbage," and "booboo." (?) Meanwhile, Rashad predicts a lot of tantrums from his rival. The second video reveals something interesting that I guess we should have seen coming — Evans’s "assistant coach" will be none other than game-plan master Greg "Yoda" Jackson. Once you hear Greg talk about "personal growth plans" for each fighter, it’s hard to imagine how Team Rampage will compete in the mental game.

Now let’s check in with some of TUF 10‘s heavyweight hopefuls…

If it wasn’t for bad luck, Strikeforce’s upcoming “Carano vs. Cyborg” card wouldn’t have any luck at all. Despite the best intentions, some MMA events are destined to be magnets for injuries, unwelcome surprises, and other bizarre occurrences. But which events have been screwed by fate the hardest? Knock on wood, grab your crotch, and read on…

*****
#10: UFC 67: All Or Nothing, 2/3/07

The aptly-titled “All or Nothing” event was the first UFC pay-per-view in nearly a year to lack a title fight by the time it finally took place.  That’s all the more disappointing when you consider that it had two a couple months out from the event, pitting TUF “Comeback” winners Matt Serra and Travis Lutter against the champions in their respective weight classes.

The first title fight went down the drain when Georges St. Pierre injured his knee during training and had to put off the fight with Serra (and we all remember how that went when it finally happened).  Fortunately they still had Anderson Silva vs. Travis Lutter to fall back on…right?  Only Lutter failed to make weight for his title shot, downgrading his “Rocky” storyline to a “Bad News Bears” one.  Instead they just had themselves a normal old three-rounder, with Lutter holding his own in the first round before getting triangled/elbowed to death in the second. What fun.

#9: UFC 98: Evans vs. Machida, 5/23/09

The event that famously launched “the Machida Era” only included Lyoto as a last resort. Originally, the card was to be headlined by the heavyweight title scrap between Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir, until Mir informed the UFC that he was still recovering from knee surgery. The main event was then changed to a light-heavyweight title fight between Rashad Evans and Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, but Jackson — who had just gone the distance with Keith Jardine two months earlier — bowed out due to lingering hand and jaw injuries. And so, the UFC decided to give a well-deserved light-heavyweight title shot to that weird Brazilian guy with the unibrow.

If you’re Rashad Evans, that would be enough to make this one of the unluckiest fight cards ever. But UFC 98’s string of setbacks extended to the supporting cast as well. Josh Koscheck pulled out of the event due to a broken toe and was replaced by Brock Larson; Koscheck’s scheduled opponent, Chris Wilson, missed the show because of incomplete paperwork. James “Born Under a Bad Sign” Irvin suffered one of his many knee injuries and was replaced by Xavier Foupa-Pokam. Yushin Okami also went down with a dodgy knee and was replaced by Chael Sonnen. And finally, hard-luck-case Houston Alexander broke his hand during training and was replaced by Krzysztof Soszynski. Later, it was discovered that the MGM Grand Garden Arena had been built on an Indian burial ground.

(Props: Fox Fight Game)

If you can get past the ill-conceived idea to interview Dana White during a point in the UFC 100 live show that is so loud you have to shout directly into his ear in order to be heard, and then capitalizing on that opportunity by asking such probing non-questions as “Congratulations!” and “Frank Mir really has nothing to lose tonight,” you’ll see a little footage of the aftermath of a Octagonside shoving match between “Rampage” Jackson and Rashad Evans.  Dana White seems all too accustomed to this stuff, which should tell us something about the way the next season of TUF is going to turn out.

These are two guys who know they are going to be paid very well to fight one another in a few months, and yet here they are tussling for free in the seats at the UFC’s biggest event, basically making a sideshow of themselves.  Either this is the most committed effort to hype a fight ever, or these guys really do hate each other.  Regardless, you gotta keep it together during an event where you’re basically a spectator/PR vehicle for the UFC.  Otherwise Dana White is not going to take you knuckleheads anywhere.

(Judging from the jersey colors, it’ll be Team Black vs. Team Black. Subtle. Photo courtesy of Spike. Click for larger image.)

Spike TV revealed the complete cast of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights this afternoon via press release. Here’s who will be bunkin’ up in the TUF house:

Zak Jensen – standout wrestler at Augsburg College
Marcus Jones – former 1st round NFL draft pick who had a six-year career with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Scott Junk – Division II All-American football player at Southwest Oklahoma State and fought in UFC 76.
James McSweeney – former international kickboxing and Muay Thai champion
John Madsen – defeated Brock Lesnar in a high school wrestling match
Matt Mitrione – played for New York Giants and Minnesota Vikings
Roy Nelson – former IFL Heavyweight Champion
Demico Rogers – high school football and wrestling star
Brendan Schaub – played for Buffalo Bills and Arena Football’s Utah Blaze
Darrill Schoonover – decorated Army veteran
Wes Shivers – former member of the Tennessee Titans and Atlanta Falcons
Wes Sims – fought two heated battles with former UFC champ Frank Mir at UFC 43 and UFC 46
Kimbo Slice – former EliteXC heavyweight contender and YouTube sensation
Abe Wagner – played linebacker at Michigan Tech and has a degree in mechanical engineering
Mike Wessel – UFC veteran and former strength and conditioning coach at University of Arkansas
Justin Wren – All-American high school wrestler

CagePotato.com Interviews Quinton Rampage Jackson – Watch more Funny Videos

When we sent our friend Heather Nichols to interview Quinton Jackson on the set of an upcoming Super Dave Osbourne special, we had no idea it would open up such a massive can of worms. What you’ll see above is the interview that everyone expected — ‘Page talks about his rivalry with Rashad Evans, what he’s doing differently during his second stint as a TUF coach, and Michael Bisping‘s chances against Dan Henderson, all in a very reserved and polite sort of way. And then this happened. Crazy. Props to Heather for keeping her cool; you can show her some love at Twitter.com/HeatherNichols, Facebook.com/HeatherNicholsActress, and MySpace.com/HeatherNicholsActress. Bonus pics of the Internet’s most famous dry-hump victim are below.

Kimbo wants his belt and flexes his moob. Be afraid; be very afraid.

(Props: Brian Rule)

You loved him in "Wandy Throws the Hooks" — now, noted MMA impressionist Anderson Silva is back with this tribute to Bruce Lee. You’ll be amazed at his mimicry of broken-English kung fu dubbing, and his classic towel-as-nunchaku routine will bring a tear to your eye. Buy your tickets today!

(Props: CageWriter)

How true, Sugar. Here’s more footage from yesterday’s TUF 10 media day, in which Rashad Evans talks about his loss to Lyoto Machida. Mentally, it seems that Evans was defeated before he even stepped into the cage at UFC 98. He says he wasn’t prepared to deal with the demands of being a champion; he was getting his ass kicked in practice and couldn’t do anything about it, and was even losing fights in his dreams. Then, Steve Cofield digs in that ass with a barb about how Rashad didn’t use his wrestling, and Rashad kinda sorta almost blames Greg Jackson for the loss (but not really).

He also says Forrest Griffin could give Machida problems, insists that the Dragon doesn’t really hit hard, and describes the bizarre sensation of being knocked out while fully awake. In case you were wondering, Sugar’s last words in the fight were "Man, you hit like a b—"

In this CageWriter video from an Ultimate Fighter media day held yesterday in Las Vegas, UFC prez Dana White gives a few more details about the signing of Kimbo Slice and his future with the organization. Notably, Dana repeats his assertion that Kimbo’s TUF contract will be the same as everybody else’s, but adds that it will be "a lot fucking different" if he actually wins the show. He refutes the theory that Kimbo will be protected in any way in the matchups or saved for the later episodes, and says that theoretically he could be picked first to fight. Also, Icey Mike is one of the smartest guys he’s met in this business, apparently.

After the jump: Quinton Jackson says he doesn’t trust his temper around Rashad Evans and hopes he can get through TUF 10 without going to jail. Plus, day 2 of Dana White’s WEC 41 blog, in which DW tries to get predictions on the Faber/Brown match from some of his fighters — like many casual MMA fans, Wanderlei Silva and Rampage aren’t even aware that it’s happening — then Dana tries one of those soul handshakes with Rashad and calls him "homey."

(Throw the damn towel, indeed. Props: MMA Videos.)

We in the MMA world always assumed that Fedor Emelianenko was Ivan Drago.  You know, if you take away the height and impressive build and advanced training techniques and replace them all with the opposites of those things.  Only now do we see how wrong we were.  Lyoto Machida is clearly the unbeatable destroyer of worlds with the funny accent, leaving us only to wonder, who’s Rocky in this analogy?  "Shogun" freaking Rua? 

After the jump, Raw Vegas goes to Wal-Mart to watch "Rampage" Jackson sign some boobies.  It’s a pretty decent life, even without the UFC light heavyweight title. 

(The question is, will Rampage get hit so hard he does "The Carlton"? Props to rubmyclips via TheGarv.)

Deal with it:

UFC light-heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida and #1 contender Quinton Jackson are letting some cats out of some bags this morning. First we have the above image taken from the homepage of Machida’s official site, which announces that Machida and Jackson will be fighting each other in September — we’re guessing at UFC 103, since that show is currently without a main event, though the Couture/Nogueira card is also earlier that month.

But here’s the weird part: TUF 10 is slated to premiere in September — and weren’t Machida and Rampage supposed to be coaching against each other? Well, Rampage will definitely be a coach on the show (visual proof after the jump), but new reports indicate that the Dragon will be sitting this season out.

(Lyoto may have put an entire weight class to sleep on Saturday. Photo courtesy of UFC.com.)

Over the last couple years, we’ve heard the same lines repeated about the UFC’s marquee weight-class: The light-heavyweight division is freakin’ stacked. Eight or nine of the top ten 205′ers in the world live there. It’s a shark tank, where any fighter could be champion on any given day. But after Lyoto Machida dethroned Rashad Evans in a lopsided sparring clinic at UFC 98, it suddenly didn’t feel that way any more.

If Machida can defeat Quinton Jackson later this year — and there’s no reason to think he won’t, since Jackson’s increasingly one-dimensional boxing style is virtually tailor-made for Machida — he’ll establish an Anderson Silva-like dominance over the light-heavyweight division; the contenders in his weight class will appear relatively weak since nobody can touch him. Or maybe the UFC’s light-heavyweights really have gotten weaker. Let’s run it down…

(When you’ve got a championship belt on your shoulder and 200k in your pocket, all the ladies want a piece of you — even the old and busted ones. That’s your mom @ 0:37-1:01. Props to TATAMETV.)

The fighters who did battle at UFC 98 took home $1,196,000 in disclosed salaries and bonuses, according to figures released today by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. Though Rashad Evans came into Saturday’s event with the highest to-show salary in the building ($200,000), Lyoto Machida tied his purse when bonuses were added in, and Matt Hughes actually surpassed both of them thanks to his bumps. The numbers — which don’t include any undisclosed backstage palm-greasing — are below…

Matt Hughes — $260,000 (includes $100,000 win bonus and $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
Lyoto Machida — $200,000 (includes $70,000 win bonus and $60,000 Knockout of the Night bonus)
Rashad Evans — $200,000
Matt Serra — $135,000 (includes $60,000 Fight of the Night bonus)
Brock Larson — $102,000 (includes $21,000 win bonus and $60,000 Submission of the Night bonus)

(Photo courtesy of SI.com)

There’s nothing like a title changing hands, a hatchet being buried, and an upset or two to give the arbitrary numerical rankings system of the Potato Index something to talk about.  Let’s see who’s up and who’s down after UFC 98.

Lyoto Machida +316
He came into this fight as the favorite to win a boring decision.  Less than ten minutes later people were talking about The Machida Era as if it were the Ming Dynasty and lamenting the fate of whatever poor bastard had to face him next.  He proved you can be an elusive, complicated martial artist and still kick serious ass.  Dawning of a new age in MMA, or just a beautiful anomaly?

Rashad Evans -127
Becomes another 205-pound champ to lose his first title defense, and barely lands a punch in the process.  Keeping your back against the cage and trying to counter those whirlwind attacks can probably be ruled out as the strategy to beat Machida, but Evans had to try something.  Back to the middle of the pack.

(I count 11 punches thrown and eight landed cleanly.  That’s precision destruction. Props: MMA Core.)

You can pick your reason for being surprised with the results of last night’s Lyoto Machida-Rashad Evans title fight at UFC 98.  If you expected Machida to win a less than thrilling five-round decision, you got to be completely shocked by seeing him turn into the guy who did the chasing for a change, as well as the guy who used Terminator-like accuracy to do the most damage with the least possible effort.  

If you expected Evans to use his wrestling to control Machida – a position which sounded so rational in my own head just twenty-four hours ago – you got to be surprised for all the above reasons and more.  Most likely your head is still spinning, and not just for lack of sleep.

Machida beat down a respected UFC champ (okay, one defending his title for the first time, but still) and made it look absurdly easy.  He did it in a fashion that has us all wondering if the fighter who might eventually dethrone him has even been born yet.  Just calling that performance ‘dominant’ doesn’t quite cut it.  Maybe that’s why I couldn’t help but be reminded of the Anderson Silva of two years ago, even as Anderson Silva fights like the Lyoto Machida of two years ago. I’m telling you, it’s spooky.

(Yep, that’s how bad it was.)

Yeah, I know that he was technically ineligible to receive a Submission of the Night bonus at UFC 98.  And the fight wasn’t competitive enough (read: at all) to garner consideration for Fight of the Night.  But when you beat ass with the kind of dominating, precise beauty that Lyoto Machida did last night, knocking out Rashad Evans and looking like a perfect fighting machine sent back in time by a futuristic Karate-centric society to teach us all a valuable lesson, it really seems like they ought to create a new bonus category to honor you.

(Just after this photo was taken, Rashad respectfully grabbed his nuts and blew Lyoto a kiss. Props to Combat Lifestyle.)

It got Koscheck. It got Okami. It got Alexander and Irvin and Wilson. But by God, the UFC 98 curse will not rob us of seeing Sean Sherk and Frankie Edgar fight to an inevitable decision, or Dan Miller submit Chael Sonnen in the first round, or Rashad Evans and Lyoto Machida counter-counter-punch for the light-heavyweight title — unless the arena collapses within the next few minutes, which is always a possibility. Live round-by-round updates from tonight’s pay-per-view broadcast are after the jump; refresh the page regularly to see all the latest. Let’s get ready to EVAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!

(Kaplan/Roop is easily going to be Fight of the Night. And Dana went to MIT. Photo courtesy of this set on CombatLifestyle.com)

Spoilers after the jump…

(Does it even matter why this picture was taken?)

- Everyone is just trying to help Chuck Liddell. (Fightlinker)

- UFC Undisputed is a solid hit. (MMA Payout)

- Machida talks urine drinking. (Ask Men)

- The pros pick Evans vs. Machida. (Sherdog)

- Check out the final Bellator tournament schedule. (Fighters Only)

- Rashad Evans talks Machida, being the underdog. (Ask Men)

- Video of Machida vs. Bonnar. (MMA TKO)

- Top 3 most frustrating teams to watch in baseball. (Scores Report)

- The celebrity gender switch experiment. (Holy Taco)

- 10 great war movie quotes. (Screen Junkies)

- 56 insanely hot Indy car grid girls. (All Left Turns)

- Fat kid ATV jousting nut shot. (Nothing Toxic)

Lyoto Machida in Countdown to UFC 98 excerpt – Watch more Funny Videos

Last night’s Countdown to UFC 98 special on Spike put a lot of effort into selling Lyoto Machida as a star, running down his backstory and setting him up as a mysterious martial arts warrior with an ancient spirit. I just watched the first half, and decided to pull out a couple highlights for those of you who didn’t get a chance to see it. In the above clip, Lyoto explains exactly why Antonio Inoki slapped the shit out of him, and admits to the pressure that came with being set up as a bagman for Dana White during the Tito Ortiz mess. Also, he explains the historical precedent for his goal of never getting hit. 

Reminder: Our UFC 98 liveblog kicks off tomorrow night at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. We’d love to have you stop by.

(Props: GenghisCon)

Just as he did with Rashad Evans, Genghis Con has put together a short profile video of Lyoto Machida in advance of UFC 98′s light-heavyweight title fight. It’s a huge file, so get the video loading, then go make yourself a sandwich, then eat the sandwich, then come back and watch this thing. And set your DVRs for UFC 98′s Countdown show on Spike, which airs tonight at 11 p.m. ET/PT. Apparently, it makes Hughes look significantly more likable than Serra.

After the jump: Steve Cofield raps with Rashad about poor fighter hygiene and Lyoto’s pee-drinking habit. Evans kind of suggests that they should test Lyoto’s urine for urine; he also admits that he manscapes. Also: An uncomfortable shirtless interview with Matt Hughes.

(‘I come only to drink my own urine and win decisions. And I am all out of urine for at least the next hour.’)

It’s….time!  Here we go again, arguing over UFC 98′s most compelling, pre-packaged storylines and making oblique reference to awesome internet videos we’ve wasted our time watching lately.  Just so you know what you’re in for.  And so it begins…

When Mike Tyson spoke of impetuous style and impregnable defense, he might as well have been describing Lyoto Machida. How can Rashad Evans beat him on Saturday?

BG: According to Jackson camp trainer Mike Winklejohn, Evans’s gameplan will involve countering Machida’s counters. But come on — do you really think Machida hasn’t been working on countering counters to his counters? (Don’t read that sentence while standing between two mirrors or your head will explode.) To be honest, we don’t know what works against Machida. We know what results in utter failure, and that’s trying to strike with him; if Evans is seriously planning on beating Machida in a point-karate match, he’s fucked.

Because of his elusiveness and competent takedown defense, Lyoto Machida hasn’t spent much time on his back during his career. But don’t forget, Evans is a fearsome wrestler. And as much as I hate watching this strategy in action, a boring lay-n-pray decision is Rashad’s best shot at keeping his belt. He just needs to borrow Clay Guida’s “Energizer Blanket” approach — shoot and get stuffed, shoot and get stuffed, shoot and score the takedown, lay on top until Machida escapes or the ref orders a stand-up, repeat as necessary, and win an unsatisfying decision without inflicting any real damage. Yes, it would be ugly, and the fans would be livid. I’d much rather see Machida ghost-ride Evans’s ass with punches and foot-sweeps until Sugar has a nervous breakdown on the stool between the fourth and fifth rounds. But hell, you asked for an answer and I gave you one.

BF: Impregnable defense, I’ll give that much to Machida.  But ‘impetuous’ in this sense means marked by an impatient, impulsive force or violence.  Does that sound like Machida to you?  He’s more like impregnable defense and indifferent style.  Whether he finishes you or not is of little consequence to him.  The guy can wait all night for a victory, and he has.  But on to the question at hand.  

(Ready to make some magic, gentlemen?)

Right off I’ll admit it: there isn’t anything glamorous about the Rashad Evans-Lyoto Machida title fight at UFC 98 this weekend.  A champion who until recently was known for his split decision victories facing off against a challenger known for being so “elusive” that his fights often resemble a ballet more than a brawl – that’s not anyone’s dream bout, least of all a promoter’s. 

But what this fight lacks in star power and fireworks, it makes up for with sheer, good old-fashioned quality.  In many ways Evans-Machida is the best, most legitimate title fight the UFC has put on in nearly a year.  Here’s why:

(Props: Genghis Con)

In advance of Rashad Evans‘s title fight against Lyoto Machida at UFC 98, our man Genghis has put together this short profile video, covering Sugar’s greatest moments in the UFC. The subtle gunshot sound when Evans KOs Chuck Liddell is a great little touch. We’ve heard a lot from the Machida fans lately — anybody think Rashad goes home with his belt on Saturday?

After the jump, things get a little weird…

(Props: FightOpinion)

In the above excerpt from the UFC’s next Countdown show (which premieres Thursday at 11 p.m. on Spike TV), we get a closer look at Lyoto Machida‘s crazy father Yoshizo, and the grueling karate training he put his sons through. Am I the only one who wants to see how Yoshizo would do in a Seniors’ MMA league? Maybe throw him in the cage against Frank Mir’s dad…

After the jump: Video of the main event bout between former K-1 heavyweight champ Badr Hari and current K-1 super-heavyweight champ Semmy Schilt at Saturday’s "It’s Showtime 2009" kickboxing event in Amsterdam.

(That’s a very appropriate shirt, considering Lyoto Machida is about to beat you to a Blue Screen of Death. Image courtesy of alvear.com.)

If you have the time and means to enter our UFC 98 prize package giveaway — in which one lucky winner will score airfare to Las Vegas, a hotel stay, a pair of tickets to the event and more — we highly encourage you to do so, as entries are officially closed tonight at 11:59 p.m. PT / 2:59 a.m. ET; more details can be found here. Even at this late hour, your odds are still quite good, so give it a shot and good luck!

(And still…the undisputed king…of the pre-fight mean-mug!)

Here’s some good news for those of you who can’t get enough of Quinton “Rampage” Jackson’s antics: Spike TV may very well agree with you.  Fighters Only is passing along a rumor that Rampage is being seriously considered as a coach for season 10 of “The Ultimate Fighter,” mainly because he was “a big hit with Spike TV executives thanks to his charismatic and extrovert nature.”  Obviously, this is still in the early planning stages, but it does present a couple logistical challenges for season ten, which is set to begin filming around a month or so from now.