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Tag: Ronda Rousey

Chael Sonnen ‘Voice of Reason’ Caption Contest: The Winners!


(These voices, these voices, I hear them, and when they talk I follow, I follow, I follow…”)

Nothing like a good caption contest to remind us what a funny bunch of sons-of-bitches y’all are. After sifting through nearly 200 submissions, we’ve selected the two winners who will be receiving copies of Chael Sonnen‘s new life-manual, The Voice of Reason: A V.I.P. Pass to Enlightenment a month before it goes on sale to the general public. But first, some runners-up…

LOKI: Chael struggled to hold back the guilt in his face; he never realized that wishing cancer on Ed Soares would actually work.

tdpwent: Chael and random guy #2 show what a certain brazilian BJJ expert will be doing every night after his failed pick-up attempt.

mcw89138: Chael and Ronda drove 2,000 miles to an undisclosed Starbucks to see for themselves the Internet freak and phenomenon known as “perfect circle head” guy.

BigBalluh: The new season of Two and a Half Men is gonna suck.

Kid Clam Curtains: Not pictured: The knee-high rubber boots they’re wearing for all the bullshit.

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Caption Contest: Win an Advance Copy of Chael Sonnen’s New Book ‘The Voice of Reason’!

Last month, we warned you that Chael Sonnen will soon be dominating your local bookstore, having already conquered the worlds of professional fighting, politics, and athletic commission hearings. His new book is called The Voice of Reason: A V.I.P. Pass to Enlightenment, and will be available to the general public on May 15th. Amazon.com describes the content in these humble terms:

Sonnen’s commentary and tales of heroic adventure will initiate you into the world of superhuman greatness. Allow him to carry you like a frail damsel through the world of professional mixed martial arts as he cuts weight, deals with moronic cornermen, expresses his disdain for focus mitts and punching in general, gets his face rearranged, and finds support and encouragement from fans. Permit him to cleanse your mind’s palate and teach you the truth about history, politics, endangered species, cinema, terrorists, music, particle accelerators, and his plans for creating a Chaelocracy, which translates as “a Better Earth.” Shower him with praise as he takes you into his manly mitts like a lump of clay and reshapes you in his own likeness. 

Like all men of myth and legend, Sonnen strives for the betterment of the human race. Prometheus brought us fire; Dana White brought us the modern-day gladiator; and Chael P. Sonnen now brings us the step-by-step guide to being a great human being and patriot…There is no better day to stop being you and start trying to be Chael P. Sonnen.

So…who wants to get a copy a month before it comes out?

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Renato Laranja Tries to Spit Game at Ronda Rousey, Crashes and Burns in Humiliating Fashion [VIDEO]


(Props: twistereddie)

- Singing an R. Kelly love-jam in a thick Portuguese accent while your crush is getting out of the shower? EHHHHH!

- Bragging about your movie/pilot Return of the Death-Knuckle, then humbly following it up with “but you don’t wanna get bored with how much money I’m gonna make, that stuffs, how much fame gonna have for me and for the ladies in my life”? NOOOOOOOOO!

- Desperately offering to give her your “code for MySpace’ee” as she walks away, then beating your head against a wall? Fail upon fail.

Keep your head up, Laranja. There’s other fish in the sea

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UFC 145 Video Hype: Rashad Evans is Ready for Some Payback


(“Is this angry enough for you?”)

Zuffa has been killing it lately with the professional quality of its promos like the one they put out for the Rousey-Tate bout and the “Believe Your Eyes” recap of Jon Jones’ win over Lyoto Machida.

The most recent addition to the list is this pre-UFC 145 spot featuring Rashad Evans, titled “The Payback.” Clips like these remind me of the top-tier promos boxing fans have been spoiled with the past few years. Hopefully they keep making them to keep fans interested when there’s a lull in action like we’ve experienced the past month.

Now we know how fans of sports like hockey, baseball, football and basketball feel.

Check out the short after the jump.

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Ronda Rousey Will Be the Next Naked MMA Star in ESPN’s ‘Body Issue’



(Upon hearing the news, Tito Ortiz leaked another dick-pic.)

According to a new report from MMAJunkie, Strikeforce women’s bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey will be appearing sans-clothing in ESPN’s next “Body Issue,” which is convenient since we spend so much time picturing her naked anyway. The Body Issue’s parade of naked athletes has previously included Gina Carano (nice!), Jon Jones (not my cup of tea, but whatever!), and Evangelista and Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos (FUUUUUUUU-). Look out for the mag sometime this fall.

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Photos of the Day: Ronda Rousey Beats Up (More) Dudes in April’s FitnessRX Magazine


(Gentlemen, THIS is what happens when you refer to Ronda as “sugartits.”) 

Well, here you have it, Potato Nation: photographic proof that Bryan Caraway‘s days are numbered.

After nearly taking Miesha Tate’s arm home with her on March 3rd, newly crowned Strikeforce Women’s Bantamweight Champ Ronda Rousey will be featured in the April issue of FitnessRX magazine, a health and fitness publication devoted entirely to the ladies. Being that Ronda considers herself the most dangerous unarmed woman on the planet (with an emphasis on the “unarmed” aspect), she seems as good a choice as any. Just ask Nick Diaz.

Check out a few more photos of Ms. Rousey after the jump, along with a video interview in which she recalls how she beat up a crew of dudes in a movie theater in full, gory detail. These are the pitfalls of universal suffrage, my brethren.

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Wednesday Morning MMA Link Club: Dominick Cruz Goes Hard, Tosh.0′s MMA Redemption, Ronda Rousey’s Violent Past + More


(Don’t forget: Submissions for our Urijah Faber t-shirt design contest with Punch Buddies must be sent to contest@cagepotato.com by the end of today. Good luck! / California Kid action figure via Ben S.)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…

- TUF 15: Number One Pick Justin Lawrence Looks to Back Up the Hype Against Cristiano Marcello (MMA Mania)

- Inside Dominick Cruz’s Training Camp for UFC 148 Fight With Urijah Faber (Video) (Lowkick.Blitzcorner.com)

- Dan Hardy Wants To Fight ‘That Blood Thirsty Kill Freak’ Matt Hughes (MMA Convert)

- Remember the Guy Who Got Choked Out by a Girl? Tosh.0 Is Giving Him a Shot at Redemption (MiddleEasy)

- Jon Jones On Rashad Evans Having His Number: ‘He Doesn’t Even Have My Area Code’ (FightLine)

- Bryan Caraway Wouldn’t Be First Guy Ronda Rousey Has Beaten Up (Video) (5th Round)

- Jose Aldo Says He Will Move to 155 Pounds If Frankie Edgar Doesn’t Drop Down (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Josh Barnett Feels TRT Exemptions Don’t Make Sense (The Fight Nerd)

- Cameras Follow “Mayhem” Miller for Morgan Spurlock Documentary (Five Ounces of Pain)

- Hitman-TapouT Lawsuit Heating Up (MMA Payout)

- Mike Kogan Has Had Enough of Rampage’s UFC Complaints (Fight Opinion)

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Turns Out, Nearly Having Her Arm Ripped Off STILL Didn’t Squash the Beef Between Miesha Tate and Ronda Rousey


(Once again, we must turn to Rowdy Roddy Piper to lead by example.) 

Although moments were tense in the aftermath of “Rowdy” Ronda Rousey’s brutal first round, title-earning armbar over Miesha Tate, it seemed as if the two competitors had finally found, at the minimum, a newfound respect for one another. Sure, Ronda still referred to Miesha as “fake,” but it seemed like these two had perhaps found a common ground. A close friendship and some drunk photos of them making out seemed to be on the horizon, at least to us.

How optimistic ignorant we were.

It all started when Miesha, who may still have to undergo surgery for the damaged ligaments she suffered in the fight, mind you, requested a rematch with the newly crowned 135 lb. champion, stating the following:

I, personally, would love the opportunity to have a rematch. I think at a high level, it takes one mistake. Anyone can make a mistake at any moment and someone’s able to capitalize on that. I don’t feel that Ronda proved anything other than what she’s already (proved) — that she has one thing that she’s great at. Really phenomenal at. But everything else, I could beat her. Give me another shot. I think it was competitive. I think for the most part I was probably winning. And I think at a competitive high level, one day one person could beat the one person, and the other day the other person would beat the other person.

This statement is…let’s call it ballsy, to say the least. And let’s not get into the fact that, “I think for the most part I was probably winning,” just surpassed Judo Gene LeBell’s “nice big dinner” line as the most hilariously confusing sentence in the history of the English language. A hell of a lot of conviction there.

Well believe it or not, Ronda caught wind of Miesha’s statements, because the Internet is a surprisingly crowded place. And wouldn’t you know, she was not too pleased by them.

Hear what she had to say after the jump.

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Wednesday Morning MMA Link Club: Chael Sonnen’s ‘Apology’ to Anderson Silva, Overeem vs. Dos Santos Official for UFC 146 + More


(I smelled bullshit as soon as he said “I wrote this myself.” Everybody knows that Jeff Ross ghost-writes all of Chael’s material. / Props: fueltv)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…

- Junior Dos Santos vs. Alistair Overeem Official For UFC 146 (FightLine)

- Exclusive: Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney Talks Counterprogramming, Eddie Alvarez and Hector Lombard Negotiations (MMA Mania)

- Brittney Palmer: “I Plan on Being in the UFC for Many Years to Come and Riding This Wave.” (Five Ounces of Pain)

- MiddleEasy’s Guide to the Top Ten Memes in MMA (MiddleEasy)

- Strikeforce: Why American Society NEEDS Ronda Rousey (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Gilbert Melendez Says He’s Fighting May 19, But Doesn’t Know Who His Opponent Is (MMA Convert)

- Junior Dos Santos Signs With Sports Marketing Agency; Reveals He Spent $100K to Train for Cain (MMA Payout)

- Al Iaquinta Not “Feeling Too Much Pressure” Heading to TUF on FX (The Fight Nerd)

- Georges St. Pierre: Marijuana Is Not a Performance-Enhancing Drug (Lowkick.Blitzcorner.com)

- Dana White: Ronda Rousey Is a Star, But She’s Going to Need Help (5th Round)

- Would Testosterone Exemptions for Zuffa Fighters Be Approved Using USADA standards? (Fight Opinion)

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In Case You Missed ‘Em: Ronda Rousey’s Mean-Mug, Mighty Mouse Johnson’s Cheap-Shot [VIDEOS]

There were two moments from last weekend’s MMA double-header that jumped out at us during the events, but which we didn’t give any attention to afterwards. Luckily, we now have videos of both.

First up, Ronda Rousey gives Strikeforce sideline-reporter Heidi Androl the look of death when Androl dares to ask about her plan B for Miesha Tate. (Again, it’s another armbar, just like Chuck Norris’s beard has another beard behind it, and behind that beard is a fist, or something like that.) Not trying to hate, but most of Heidi’s fighter interviews end up feeling awkward for one reason or another. Didn’t Karyn Bryant used to handle those for Showtime? Can’t they get her back?

Related discussion question: Is Ronda Rousey the Chael Sonnen of women’s MMA — a born entertainer who is playing a role in order to promote herself — or is she the Nick Diaz of women’s MMA — an athletic savant who just isn’t as good at relating to other human beings as she is at fighting?

After the jump, Demetrious Johnson shows the bare minimum of concern for Ian McCall‘s aching balls.

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