Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

Tag: Ross Clifton

Ken Shamrock Wants to Stab Us In The Eye With a Pen for Saying It’s Time to Stick a Fork In Him

(Video courtesy of YouTube/FightHype)

Okay, maybe he didn’t name us specifically, but the aging veteran who used to be known as “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” told that any reporters who think he should walk away from the sport are idiots.

Using an odd analogy that reporters who had never stepped into the cage saying he should call it a career are like if when we’re old the doctors refuse us medicine because they’re saving it for some younger patients. So because doctors have never been old or had a disease like cancer, they aren’t qualified to treat someone who is or diagnose someone who has it? Makes perfect sense.

Instead of proving him right by responding in typical CP style, instead I’ve written an open letter to Ken Shamrock.

Check it out after the jump.


Video: Dan Quinn’s Emotional Farewell to Ross Clifton

As many of you know, gone-before-his-time super-heavyweight Ross Clifton was a friend and training partner to batshit Stevia spokesperson Dan Quinn. We decided to cruise over to Quinn’s YouTube channel to see if he had released a statement about Clifton, and sure enough, there’s this 11-minute missive that he recorded last night. Quinn describes Clifton as an angel who was already penciled in as the Little John to his Robin Hood. Then, he shows us a strange Craigslist w4m ad that he came across, and the even stranger 5,000-word manifesto that he wrote in response. (The best part comes at 5:58: "I’m thinking this is definitely worth the price of admission to a cool coffee place of your choosing. Multiple exits, tons of people, as safe a coffee date as there ever was one." Note to Craigslist surfers: Trying to reassure your prospective hookups that they will definitely not get fritzl’d usually has the opposite effect.) Later, Quinn’s tough-guy facade begins to crack, and he tries to bury the hatchet with arch-nemesis Cal Worsham, and vows to avenge the wife and children of Clifton, should they ever come to harm. Sorry for your loss, Maitreya.


Ken Shamrock Slapped With One-Year Suspension After Positive Steroid Test

Such is the sad life of Ken Shamrock — even when he manages to snap a five-fight losing streak by submitting a morbidly obese man with no submission defense or the ability to get to his feet after he’s fallen to the mat, he still had to cheat in order to do it. Kevin Iole passes along the bad (though fairly unsurprising) news:

The [California State Athletic] commission announced Shamrock’s suspension and $2,500 fine on Wednesday for testing positive for 19-Norandrosterone, 19- Noretiocholanolone and Stanozolol following his first-round victory over Ross Clifton.
Shamrock is slated to fight ex-World Wrestling Entertainment star Bobby Lashley in the co-main event of a March 21 MMA/boxing card in Pensacola, Fla. That fight is almost certainly now not going to happen as a result of Shamrock’s suspension. States are required to honor each other’s suspensions, which means that Florida would not allow Shamrock to fight while under suspension in Calfornia…
Shamrock’s suspension runs through Feb. 1, 2010, at which point he would be 10 days shy of his 46th birthday and would not have fought in almost a year.

Well hey, it looks like his brother Frank was right all along. But of course, nobody in this sport actually takes steroids — they simply take legal supplements that happen to secretly have steroids in them. And Ken is hoping that this dependable defense will keep him out of hot water:


Shamrock and Abbott Earn a Combined $45,000 for Sad Freak Show

Ken Shamrock Ross Clifton MMA Wargods
("I finish sandwiches!")

As strange as it sounds, there was a time when Tank Abbott could demand $126,000 to fight for less than a minute. Unfortunately, his market value has slightly decreased since then. MMA Junkie reports that the veteran brawler received $20,000 for his 29-second completely-illegal knockout of Mike Bourke at last Friday’s Wargods: Valentine’s Eve Massacre — putting him second on the event’s salary list after Ken Shamrock’s $25,000. Abbott’s opponent Mike Bourke earned $5,000, while Shamrock’s opponent Ross Clifton collected $4,000, which he plans on donating to a good cause. If anybody cares, the rest of the numbers are after the jump. The show drew 2,805 attendees for a $90,745 live gate, $82,150 of which was paid out to the fighters. In other words, the promoters earned less than half of what Tank Abbott did. Slim profit margins of the MMA biz, people… 


Video: Captain Shamrock Spears His White Whale

Sorry the quality is so weak, but this seems to be the only existing video of Friday night’s epic brawl between Ken Shamrock and Ross Clifton, which earned Shammy his first win since he knocked out Kimo Leopoldo at UFC 48 in 2004. We haven’t found video of the Tank Abbott/Mike Bourke brawl yet, so if you come across a link, please hook us up in the comments section. Shamrock and Tank will meet at a future Wargods card, sometime in April — which means that one of them will soon be on a two-fight win streak. Try to wrap your head around that one.


Ill-Conceived War Gods Event Ends…Predictably

(‘I want you! If you are morbidly obese and easily beatable.’)

Someone should invent a time machine solely for the purpose of going back to 1995 to inform the then proud Ken Shamrock that someday he would be fighting a 380-pound slob with a losing record in a “Valentine’s Eve Massacre” show in Fresno, and that he’d be glad just to get the win since it would be his first in six tries.  

The look on his face would have been worth all the effort and plutonium, though you’d need to hightail it back to 2009 to keep an enraged Shamrock from tearing your head off.

These days, you need have no such concern.  Unless you’re Ross Clifton.  He’s the 6-9 fighter who stands 6’8” tall and weighs 380 pounds and yet still can’t fight his way out of a Wienerschnitzel.  This, naturally, is why Shamrock chose him as an opponent for last night’s War Gods event.  Because even if Shamrock didn’t get him, heart disease probably would. 

Shamrock dispatched of Clifton with an armbar in the first round after dropping him with a punch.  Now he gets the match with Tank Abbott that he claims to want so badly.