(WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY SPRAY TAN?!) 

Just three days ago, Alan Belcher was fed to the lions. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but like those who choose to stay in Omelas, the Zuffa head-honchos knew that a sacrifice had to be made for the good of the community. For if the insatiable beast known as “Toquinho” was not fed his daily quotient of appendages, theirs would surely be next. So they sent forth the only American brave enough to tattoo Kim Jong-il on his arm to narfle the Garthok, so to speak. But like the mighty Beldar Conehead before him, Alan Belcher emerged from the monstrosity’s repugnant dwelling unscathed, and earned a lifetime supply of free wishes for doing so.

At least that’s how “The Talent” sees it, because when asked on who he’d like to face next (if a title shot was out of the question, of course) Belcher was rather adamant about his options, telling the following to BloodyElbow’s Steph Daniels:

I think a fight with Michael Bisping makes a lot of sense. I mean, Boetsch looks like a beast at 185, and I’ve got to admit, he looks pretty scary. The other guys in the division, in my mind, I’ve already beat them so many times, and I know everything about them, and I know they don’t have anything really threatening. Boetsch has got some pretty powerful tools, and is a pretty scary dude.

Bisping, of course, is getting to be a professional point fighter, and he’s kind of hard to beat like that. That fight would be a nice payday, and a big fight for the media, so I’m kind of leaning towards that one. It would make sense, and the fans would love it. I can almost feel the energy I would get from the fans if I put him to sleep.

In case you’re keeping track, Belcher has now joined a list of fighters who have called out the British “point fighter” that includes Mark Munoz, Brian Stann, Tim Boetsch (who was successful in doing so), and Jorge Rivera (who was less than successful).

Join us after the jump for much more from the interview. 

(Upkick me once, shame on you. Upkick me twice, shame on me. Upkick me six times…seriously, bro?)

From Nate Diaz‘s hilarious taunts to Lavar Johnson‘s brutalization of Pat Barry, here are the best moments from Saturday night’s UFC card in animated GIF form. Props to IronForgesIron, the UG, and TheBigLead. More good stuff after the jump.

By Elias Cepeda

Props: MMAMania

As expected, it was a great idea to pit two heavyweight knock out artists against one another for the Fox audience. Lavar Johnson and Pat Barry swung for the fences and beat the tar out of each other for almost a whole round before Johnson stopped Barry with punches.

“Big” secured a $65,000 KO of the night bonus with the beating. Johnson now has two consecutive entertaining UFC wins under his belt, after back to back Strikeforce submission losses. He’ll likely get at least a couple more style-friendly sluggers to duke it out with from the UFC since he’s performed so well against them thus far.

Barry’s situation may be a little more complicated. The former K-1 fighter always brings it in his fights, is fan-friendly and has some big wins on his resume. But he’s also now lost three out of his last four fights and five out of his last eight. One would imagine he’ll get at least some more fights from the UFC given that he won his prior fight and how exciting he was, even in defeat, against Johnson.

Tonight’s UFC on FOX event is looking to be one for the ages, Potato Nation. The alcohol-fueled spirit of Cinco De Mayo has overtaken most, if not all, of the U.S of A by this point, and I’m no exception, so lets skip the fancy introductions and get right to it.

Preliminary results
-Karlos Vemola def. Mike Massenzio by submission (rear-naked choke) at 1:07 of round two.
-Roland Delorme def. Nick Denis by submission (rear-naked choke) at 4:59 of round one.
-Dennis Bermudez def. Pablo Garzo by UD
-Danny Castillo def. John Cholsih by UD
-Louis Gaudinot def. John Lineker by submission (guillotine choke) at 4:54 of round 2
-John Hathaway def. Paskal Krauss by UD
-John Dodson def. Tim Elliot by UD
-Michael Johnson def. Tony Ferguson by UD

A couple musings from the prelims:

-Apparently some McDonald’s Happy Meals DO come with Jiu-Jitsu Blackbelts. Just ask Mike Massenzio.

-Nick Denis has a ridiculous rat tail, but it can’t match up with Roland Delorme’s iron chin. What an amazing round of action that was.

(Paula Sack make Hulk giggle)

We are all used to seeing Rousimar Palhares freak the fuck out and tear off people’s limbs. But it isn’t too often that we get to see a softer side of the UFC on Fox 3 middleweight competitor.

Paula Sack visited Palhares while he crushed it in the weight room during his training camp for his fight against Alan Belcher. As you will see at around the 1:14 mark of the below video, Paula’s charms turn the hulk-smashing, cage-climbing Palhares into a blushing, giggling, pile of muscle.

We can’t be sure, but it was kinda like this. To be fair to Palhares, this is what Paula Sack looks like.

Check out the video after the jump.

UFC middleweight contender Rousimar Palhares is finally getting help, people. Palhares recently told MMA Fighting‘s new star Dave Doyle that he’s been seeing a sports psychologist, and that he expects it to help him Saturday night against Alan Belcher on the UFC on Fox 3 card. ”‘Yeah he’s helped me,’ Palhares said through interpreter and manager Alex David. ‘He’s helped so that when I get into a fight, I get focused on the fight and I don’t get distracted by anything else,’” Doyle reports.

Palhares has provided some of the most scarily entertaining moments in MMA in recent years. Most of those moments were nasty submissions, but a good amount have also just come from his bizarre behavior in the ring.

(Is there anyway we could get the guy on the far right to…what’s the word I’m looking for….leave?) 

Since the UFC has made its conversion to a major network, they’ve had their fair share of ups and downs. Their first event, though featuring a match that could headline any pay-per-view, was little more than an hour long infomercial for the sport, topped off by the shortest title fight this side of Andrei Arlovski’s flash knockout of Paul Buentello back at UFC 55. Their second event was forced to shuffle around its main card participants as a result of Mark Munoz’s grisly injury, resulting in two mediocre bouts and a tepid main event. And don’t even get us started on Jon Jones’ commentary.

However, not all is lost (unless we’re talking about last week’s TUF ratings. Bazinga!), for this Saturday’s card promises to deliver the kind of head-to-toe action that mainstream and hardcore audiences alike have been waiting for. It’s got a Diaz, a Miller, a cartoon character, and a mythical swamp beast on its main card alone, so what could possibly go wrong? But just in case the Zuffa brass are looking for a few extra pointers from a fan’s perspective, we’ve compiled the following list of five things that would surely elevate UFC on FOX 3 above that of its predecessors. Enjoy, and let us know what other improvements could be made to the UFC on FOX in the comments section.

5. Tito Ortiz Return to his Role as a Ringside Commentator

FOX is a network that prides itself on being the voice of the simple, common man. And there is perhaps no man simpler than that of Tito Ortiz. Let’s be real here; Ortiz’s night of commentary at Affliction: Day of Reckoning was easily the funniest Goddamn moment in the history of MMA, bar none. Brian Fantana could not muster one-tenth of its hilarity if he were to report on every Panda birth from here to Chongqing, and we should give “The People’s Champ” another go-around for comedic purposes only. Besides, when was the last time ringside commentary really blew your mind? We love Joe Rogan and all, but we’d be much more inclined to stick around after the fight if there was a possibility that the announcer in question would suffer an aneurysm whilst trying to determine his next word.

On the heels of what was a hugely successful (both in terms of action and PPV sales) UFC 145, the UFC will look to keep the momentum going with this weekend’s UFC on FOX 3 card, which features a smorgasbord of great match-ups (praise be to Joe Silva). And the only way to make a great thing even better would be to walk away with a little extra moolah, don’t you think? Because, to paraphrase what Bobby McFerrin once said, “If you don’t have cash, you don’t have style, and you sure as hell don’t have a gal to make you smile.” Something like that. So check out the tasty betting lines below, courtesy of BestFightOdds, and follow us after the jump for some sound advice that will surely score you one out of the three McFerrin keys to success. And don’t worry, none of the spreads are as insane as the current Akihiro Gono/Michael Chandler odds, which more closely resemble your chances of sleeping with Halle Berry, winning the lottery, and surviving a public bus fire in the same day. 

Main Card 
Jim Miller (-220) vs. Nate Diaz (+180)
Pat Barry (-210) vs. Lavar Johnson (+175)
Johny Hendricks (-120) vs. Josh Koscheck (+100)
Rousimar Palhares (-280) vs. Alan Belcher (+240)

Preliminary Card
Dennis Bermudez (-175) vs. Pablo Garza (+145)
Tony Ferguson (-270) vs. Michael Johnson (+210)
John Dodson (-400) vs. Tim Elliot (+300)*
Pascal Krause (-140) vs. John Hathaway (+110)*
John Linker (-150) vs. Louis Gaudinot (+120)*
John Cholish (-130) vs. Danny Castillo (EV)*
Roland Delorme (-130) vs. Nick Denis (EV)*
Mike Massenzio (-185) vs. Karlos Vemola (+145)*

*These lines are taken from Opposingviews.com, which has far different lines than BestFightOdds for the main card fights. They are the only site, however, with current odds for the given fights. 

Thoughts…

(“It’s called an ‘illusion’, okay? A ‘trick’ is something a whore does for money.”)

Leading up to her Strikeforce title fight against Miesha Tate on Saturday, Ronda Rousey bristled at the suggestion that she was a “one-trick pony” simply because she had finished all four of her professional MMA fights — and her two amateur fights before that — by armbar. Then, Rousey finished Tate by armbar anyway.

But being a one-trick pony shouldn’t be a derogatory term in MMA. If you’re so good at your specialized technique that you can finish top-flight opponents with it, even though they know it’s coming, then you should be applauded, not criticized. So let’s pay tribute to the seven greatest one-trickers in mixed martial arts. If we’ve left out any good ones, please let us know in the comments section.

RONDA ROUSEY
Trick: The armbar
Finishing percentage via that trick: 100% (5 armbar wins in 5 pro fights)
Does she have a nickname based on that trick?: No
How long can Ronda’s perfect armbar streak last? Unlike some of the other names on this list, “Rowdy” has proven that she can land her technique-of-choice against the elite of her division. Rousey faces former Strikeforce 135-pound champion Sarah Kaufman next, and it might be a good sign that Kaufman’s sole career loss — against Marloes Coenen in 2010 — came via armbar.

GIVA SANTANA

Trick: The armbar
Finishing percentage via that trick: 72.2% (13 armbar wins in 18 pro fights)
Does he have a nickname based on that trick?: Yes, “The Arm Collector”
Carrying an overall record of 17-1, Givanildo Santana has torqued elbow-joints all over the world. Santana picked up his 13th armbar win during his Bellator debut in October, and is a dark horse to sweep the promotion’s upcoming middleweight tournament.

(What do you mean marrow is not a flavor?!!) 

We have all heard the legend of Rousimar Palhares. Born in a radioactive swamp deep in the Brazilian jungle, “Toquinho” was raised in captivity, locked in a dark, damp cellar that only received 15 minutes of sunlight a day. It was a cruel, traumatizing upbringing, but the townspeople agreed that it was the only way to maintain the utopia they had built. Living off bread crumbs and rage for the first 20 years of his life, Palhares vowed to seek revenge on those who had enslaved him. Unfortunately for the world, he could only see the ankles of his overlords through a crack beneath the bolted steel door that held him, so his curse did not have the luxury of extending to only those who entered Camp Crystal Lake, or she who read from the Necronomicon. If you were born with a pair of ankles, then Palhares is coming for you.

Thankfully, “Toquinho” celebrated his 32nd birthday last Sunday, so the appendages of mankind have been granted a reprieve for a couple more days. Why, you ask? Well as it turns out, this past Sunday went down as a particularly special birthday for the middleweight mangling machine, as it was the first one in which he was given a cake. Unfortunately, his friends and family decided to throw a surprise party for this glorious celebration. There were no survivors.

Check out Rousimar’s reaction to the surprise after the jump.

(And, yes, Dana has unblocked us on Twitter…Baby steps, right?)

UFC president Dana White announced this afternoon that a middleweight bout between Rousimar “The Kneejerk“ Palhares and Alan “The Talent” Belcher has been signed for the May 5 UFC on Fox 3 card.

The event, which will take place at the IZOD Center in East Rutherford, New Jersey, will also feature Jim Miller versus Nate Diaz and Josh Koscheck versus Johny Hendricks on the main card.

(The party is always always popping when Paul Harris is fighting.)

Astute reader Johnnyozone22 sent us a link today that officially confirms our suspicions that the gruesome photo of an alleged Rousimar Palhares leg break victim that made the rounds this week was a fake.

Well, the photo itself is real, it’s just that the unnamed man in the pic isn’t purported former Palhares heel hook victim Isaiah Ordiz. It’s actually a triage photo of an injured Mexican police officer who was injured in a gun fight outside of a Matamoros, Tamaulipas police station last week.

One bit of evidence that helped propel the manufactured story was the name of the alleged injury victim. According to reports, the dude in the photo is Isaiah Ordiz, who actually is a jiu-jitsu competitor. The problem is, Ordiz was a white belt back in 2010, so it’s very unlikely that he competed with Paul Harris last week in a random grappling competition.

It’s okay, Toquinho. We still think you’re a badass. Props to your PR team for arguing your case for a title shot. *slow clap*

If you have the stomach for it, you can check out the photo in question after the jump.

(True story.)

Rousimar Palhares‘s reputation for unsportsmanlike leg-breaking, terrifying aggression, and general insanity is well-documented, and well-deserved. But now that he’s being blamed for leg-murders he didn’t even commit, we felt it was time to step in to defend him.

This morning, as part of their Blood Week series, Deadspin linked to a photo of a man on a table, with his femur sticking out of his leg. If you really, really need to see it, just hit the “next page” link at the end of this post. [Ed. note: Don't actually do that.] As Deadspin writes:

Click through to see what happened to Isiah Ordiz’s femur after he wouldn’t tap out of a heel hook from Rousimar Palhares. I cannot stress this enough: this is a Faces of Death-level photo and you will wish you hadn’t seen it.

Immediately, my bullshit sensors went off. I researched an entire article about Palhares’s assholish history of leg abuse two years ago, and there’s no way I would leave out something this gruesome and dramatic, if there was any record of it on the Internet. The fact that this is surfacing now makes it suspect to begin with. Surely us MMA fans would have already heard of it?

Who is Milton Vieira, you ask? Well, other than a second degree black belt under Murilo Bustamante and a 13-7 veteran of such promotions as Deep, Strikeforce, and PRIDE, Vieira is also widely considered to be the inventor of the anaconda choke. A Brazilian Top Team standout who trains with the likes of Rousimar Palhares, “Miltinho” is credited as the creator of the submission popularized by Antonio Rodrigo Nogueria in his early PRIDE days, specifically in his back-to-back victories over Hirotaka Yokoi and Heath Herring. Big Nog claims that he was taught the maneuver by Vieira back when he used to train at BTT in the early 2000′s.

Coming off a successful first round Brabo choke victory over Sterling Ford at Strikeforce Challengers 18, Vieira will be making his featherweight debut for his first UFC contest, though a date and opponent has yet to be named.

(An artist’s depiction of what was going through Joe Rogan’s mind the moment he found out Eric Silva had been DQ’ed. And yes, Joe Rogan appears in his own fantasies.) 

Much has been made of Joe Rogan‘s impromptu interview with referee Mario Yamasaki following his decision to disqualify Erick Silva at UFC 142 this past weekend. Some are saying it was a totally unprofessional move by Rogan, while others believe it would have been unprofessional of him not to question the seemingly botched ruling by the longtime UFC official. Whether or not you agree with Rogan’s decision (or Yamasaki’s, for that matter), we can all agree that the Silva/Prater fight proved the necessity for a stricter policy in regards to an instant replay in areas other than Nevada. Rogan, however, has already taken to the internet, specifically the UG, to explain why he chose to put Yamasaki on the spot:

He’s a great guy, and I’m always happy to see him. When I step into the octagon however, I represent the people watching at home that might have obvious questions, and when something is controversial I’m forced to confront it honestly because that’s what I would want to hear from a person in my position if I was a fan watching it at home.

I think Mario Yamasaki is one of the best in the world at refereeing MMA. No doubt about it. He’s got great insight to the sport, he’s a life long martial artist, and he’s a really smart guy. What I was acting from, is that I saw an incredible young talent get denied a KO victory for a questionable call. When I entered into the Octagon and was told of the official ruling that Silva was going to be disqualified for illegal blows to the back of the head everyone that I was around who heard the news opened their mouths in shock. Everyone said, “what?”

The people in the truck couldn’t believe it. I had to read it back to them because I thought it was a mistake, and when I leaned over to explain it to Goldie he couldn’t believe it either. I had to ask Mario about it. I didn’t know how he was going to respond, but I had to ask him.

Erick Silva is a very promising fighter and I felt like I had a responsibility to address the issue. No disrespect intended.

Join us after the jump for more interesting tidbits from around the MMA world, some of which may or may not be completely made up.

(Face, you are a scary. / Photo via FOX Sports)

By Mark Dorsey
One final recap of Saturday night’s UFC 142: Aldo vs. Mendes event, Clint Eastwood-style.

The Good
• Edson Barboza‘s astounding spinning heel kick knockout of Terry Etim. Mike Goldberg might have been exaggerating a bit when he called it “maybe the most spectacular knockout in UFC history,” but it’s certainly the early front-runner for Greatest Knockout of 2012. And props to Joe Rogan for immediately recalling Baraboza’s prior use of the kick against Anthony Njokuani. As Rogan mentioned, it’s an under-utilized technique that we may start to see come in-vogue in 2012, much like the crane kick in 2011.

• Gabriel Gonzaga needed a good performance to provoke any sort of excitement in his return to the UFC’s heavyweight division. Even sweeter than his early finish was his proclamation that we can expect to see him return to the submission base that generated so much interest in his first run at UFC contention.

• After two highly energetic Brazilian shows within a year, the UFC has found its most passionate and dedicated audience. The crowd at the HSBC Arena in Rio de Janeiro was loud, enthusiastic, and everything one would expect from a bunch of rowdy Brazilian fight fans. There was a good amount of variation in the chants throughout the night — from “U.S.A., to “Thiago,” to the famous soccer anthem “ole ole ole” — and a surreal crowd-surfing celebration from defending featherweight champion Jose Aldo capped off the incredible fan involvement.

Behold: a shining example of “kick face“. (Photo: UFC.com)

Brazilian fans are credited with being the most raucous audience in the world, and last night’s fighters gave them plenty to cheer about. Six of the nine bouts ended via knock out or submission*, with five of those stoppages coming in the first round.

Chokes, knees, and even a spinning wheel kick punctuated last night’s fights (*as did a controversial referee stoppage). Pop on in for a motion picture tribute to UFC 142.

As always, praise be to Zombie Prophet.

Read More ADD COMMENTS (45) DIGG THIS

“I’m not even kidding you, man! It must have been four feet of linguiça. And ‘Humble’ ate the whole thing, just now backstage!” (Photo: UFC.com)

It’s 1 AM in Rio De Janeiro and and the locals have turned out in droves to cheer on their countrymen and wish death upon foreigners. It may not be very sporting of them, but we’ve pretty much thrown professionalism out the window this weekend.

Is Mendes the right Alpha Male to topple Aldo in his own backyard? Does Belfort have enough power to put away one of the UFC’s top heavyweights? And will Palhares’s overwhelming desire to tear limbs apart overcome his instinct to stop fighting in the middle of a bout?

Come join me, Chris Colemon, inside for the answers to these questions and more.

He has a black belt in intensity, a complete disregard for his opponents’ ankle-bones, more muscles than a seafood platter, and an unpredictable streak that borders on the insane. He is middleweight contender Rousimar Palhares, and he’ll be fighting Mike Massenzio on the main card of UFC 142 in Rio this Saturday night. Re-discover Toquinho’s body of work with some hand-picked animated GIFs, which continue after the jump…

UFC 142 goes down this Saturday from the HSBC Arena in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and though it doesn’t feature quite as epic a lineup as the UFC’s return to Brazil at UFC 134, the fact that the card has still maintained its two marquee match-ups is something to brag about, if only due to how cursed a card this has been. So if you, like Siyar Bahadurzada, Paulo Thiago, Stanislav Nedkov, and Fabio Maldanado, find yourself watching the action from the sidelines on Saturday night and suddenly in need of some extra dough, then we are here to help. Check out the betting lines below, courtesy of BestFightOdds, and join us after the jump for some sound betting advice.

Main Card
Erick Silva (-525) vs. Carlo Prater (+415)
Edson Barboza (-270) vs. Terry Etim (+230)
Rousimar Palhares (-525) vs. Mike Massenzio (+415)
Anthony Johnson (-110) vs. Vitor Belfort (-110)
Jose Aldo (-240) vs. Chad Mendes (+200)

Preliminary Card
Antonio Carvalho (-225) vs. Felipe Arantes (+175)
Mike Pyle (-460) vs. Ricardo Funch (+340)
Yuri Alcantara (-195) vs. Michihiro Omigawa (+160)
Sam Stout (EV) vs. Thiago Tavares (-140)
Gabriel Gonzaga (-120) vs. Edinaldo Oliveira (-110)

I awoke this morning to find a lone, blinking message on my answering machine. The messenger, whom shall be referred to as Minowaman for the time being, informed me of a video that would not only change the MMA and combat sports world’s forever, but possibly reignite the long, bitter tensions between the United States and Russia. And now, I will pass it on to you, Potato Nation, as I can only assume that shit in my town is about to go Red Dawn within the hour.

Amidst a deadly crew of English-speaking, Russian sleeper cells, a lone FBI agent, code name Gull of the Sea (at his request), was able to infiltrate a remote, Russian facility, like so, and record the following video of the illegal toe hold technology that the Russians have been building up for years.

(In a moment, you’re going to feel a little bit of pressure.) 

A lot of fight booking news today, Potato Nation.

With a featherweight title fight between Jose Aldo and Chad Mendes, the UFC debut of Siyar Bahadurzada, and some guaranteed fireworks in the Belfort/Johnson and Etim/Barboza scraps, UFC 142 is shaping up to be one hell of a card. But if, like me, you don’t get excited for a fight that lacks an outside possibility of descending into utter chaos, involving limb loss, premature celebration, and a lack of respect for the referee bordering on Earl Hebner levels of insanity, then boy are you in for a treat.

News broke earlier today that our favorite little appendage manipulator, Rousimar Palhares, has agreed to face New Jersey’s Mike Massenzio at UFC 142 in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. And although allowing Palhares to compete in his home country nearly cost him a victory over Dan Miller (who is also a Jersey native, ironically) in his last bout, “Toquinho” will no doubt be looking to impress against Massenzio, who may be fighting for his UFC career come January 14th. Just 1-3 in his last 4 UFC bouts (2-4 overall), Massenzio most recently scored a unanimous decision victory over the similarly struggling Steve Cantwell at UFC 136, making it Cantwell’s fourth straight decision loss in as many contests.

It’s been a while since the finals of this year’s ADCC tournament went down, but it wasn’t until recently that a couple of videos surfaced, and we decided to let you in on ‘em. Just because it’s Wednesday. The first comes from the end of TUF 8 finalist Vinny Magalhaes‘ Over 99kg gold earning effort over Strikeforce/UFC veteran Fabricio Werdum. After controlling the action for the majority of the fight, Magalhaes quickly found himself on the wrong end of a Werdum armbar.

And holy hell does Werdum crank that sucker. For about three minutes straight, “Vai Cavalo” bends Magalhaes’ arm from damn near every position, only taking breaks to re-position himself and inflict further torment. All the props in the world goes to Vinny, who manages to not only withstand the brutal hold for as long as he did, but free himself from it in as calm and collected a manner as possible. Speaking of calm and collected, let’s take a look at a man who has never, ever, been described as such.

(A little club soda will get that right out.)

When discussing his fourth round tapout loss to UFC Light Heavyweight Champ Jon Jones, Rampage Jackson explained that he lets no man put him to sleep because he doesn’t trust people. I’m not exactly certain what Jackson fears might unfold once he goes out, but vile atrocities such as antiquing and billboarding have been perpetrated on unconscious fighters before. But there’s a certain amount of trust that goes into tapping out as well. The tapout is nothing more than a gentlemen’s agreement, really, in which one fighter admits that he’s taken enough punishment for one day. But not everyone in the face-punching business is a gentleman, and sometimes your opponent may not agree that you’ve taken all of the damage you deserve.

When you hold a submission too long there’s a chance of causing damage to a limb or unconsciousness, but it always leads to hurt feelings.

(As if I needed an excuse to use this photo.)

For those of you who were too busy watching Jon Jones outgun Rampage Jackson to retain his light heavyweight title or Ben Rothwell fall to 0-1 at the hands of Mark Hunt this weekend, you may have overlooked the ADCC Submission Wrestling World Championships, which transpired in Nottingham, England of all places.

Andre Galvao easily had the best night of the bunch, taking gold in both the Under 88kg and Absolute tournaments, defeating Rousimar Palhares and Pablo Papovitch, respectively. Speaking of “Paul Harris”, he continued to prove that his mind is a fragile, ticking time bomb in his submission victory over David Avellan in their quarterfinal match. Things began to go off the rails when Palhares dove for his signature heel-hook-of-death on Avellan, and continued to crank it after the two rolled out of bounds and the referee yelled for a restart. I’ll let David’s brother Marcos, via his Facebook, explain the rest after the jump:

(Props: IronForgesIron via MMAMania)

If you missed the UFC 134 Spike TV Prelims broadcast on Saturday, then you missed Rousimar Palhares act as judge, jury, and (almost) executioner against Dan Miller. Near the end of the first round, Palhares landed a huge head kick that flattened Miller, and followed it up with some nasty punches from the top. And then he raised his arms in victory and strolled off to jump on the cage, as if the fight had been stopped, which it definitely hadn’t.

Herb Dean was forced to corral Palhares and tell him the fight was still going on. When the action was re-started, Miller immediately floored Palhares with a punch, but Palhares quickly recovered and did enough through the rest of the match to earn a comfortable unanimous decision win (29–27, 30–27, 30–25).

For ‘Toquinho’, it’s just the latest chapter in a controversial UFC career that has already included a 90-day suspension due to brutality, and an epically failed attempt to file a greasing complaint against Nate Marquardt while Marquardt was beating the crap out of him. But Palhares says the Miller non-stoppage was just a simple misunderstanding:

Don’t ever tell this guy you want to “hang out and twist one up” — it doesn’t translate well. VidProps: UFC/YouTube

Rousimar Palhares is the root cause of 35% of all cases of Restless Leg Syndrome on the planet. If you have fully-functioning knees, you have never rolled with Toquinho. If your initials are “ACL“, chances are you have woken up screaming in the middle of the night due to a nightmare you can barely remember, but you were strangely compelled to check under your bed for Palhares. In 1903, Hurricane Rousimar barreled through Puerto Rico and the northern coast of South America. No one was killed, but thousands were unable to walk normally for the rest of their lives. Chuck Norris is the reason giraffes have long necks (roundhouse kick), but Rousimar Palhares is the reason they have those gnarly knees (hoof hook).

Some of that stuff may possibly have been made up and/or hyperbolized, but we all know that, like the Wu-Tang Clan, Rousimar P. ain’t nothing to fuck with. With his UFC Rio bout with Dan Miller almost upon us, let’s all take a few moments to get to know Paul Harris a bit better. When he’s not ruining your mobility for life, he actually seems like a humble, friendly kind of guy. Just don’t make him angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

Leave your own boasts of Palhares’ crazy awesomeness in the comments, if you think you can do better.

[RX]

When we watched this video, we lost The Game. VidProps: PanicPulse/YouTube

Ed “Short Fuse” Herman impressed some of us last night when he went all Paul Harris on poor Kyle Noke, catching Noke with a heel hook and torquing that motherlover until Mario Yamasaki noticed Noke’s “owwie” face and tap simultaneously, stopping it with a minute left in the first round. No official word yet, but expect Noke to be walking gingerly for the next few weeks.

If you’re not familiar with the much-feared heel hook, take a quick peep at this video where the lovely Joanne Spracklen demonstrates the mechanics, and keep in mind that the twisting action at the heel puts a lot of strain on the knee of that leg. And when we say “a lot of strain”, we mean that ligaments pop and tissues tear when you start cranking on this.

Joanne illustrates the standard heel hook, whereas Herman pulled off the inverted variety, moving Noke’s leg to the other side of his hips and twisting the toes out away from the body; the effects are every bit as devastating.

Do NOT try this at home. Seriously, people talk about how kids are resilient and can bounce back from anything, but surgery on knee ligaments will slow even the best of them way down.

Plus, i’m being told that mine is past the manufacturer’s warranty period, and now i have to pay out of pocket to get him fixed. And that’s why we can’t have nice things.

[RX]

(“Hey Dan Meeller, did you hear we fighting in Hio?” “Really? That’s awesome! Thanks for the heads-up, Paul Harris.”)

The UFC announced today that Dan Miller (13-5 MMA, 5-4 UFC) will be stepping in for Alexandre ‘Cacareco’ Ferreira (18-7 MMA, 0-1 UFC) against Rousimar Palhares (12-3 MMA, 5-2 UFC) at UFC 134.

No reason was given for the “change of opponents” (Palhares-Ferreira was never officially announced) six weeks out from the show, but Miller will likely be up for the challenge having stepped into the Octagon on short notice in the past.

The New Jersey middleweight stepped in on four week’s notice for an injured Phil Baroni against John Salter at UFC 118 and on one week’s notice from the prelims to face Nate Marquardt at UFC 128 after Yoshihiro Akiyama was landlocked in Japan due to the recent Tsunami in March. In comparison, six weeks is pretty much a full camp for Miller.

(Okay, maybe Bob had a point. / Photo courtesy of the UFC on Versus 3 gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)

For one night only, the KFC Yum! Center (actual venue name) will be replacing their Double Downs with a steady barrage of KNUCKLE SANDWICHES!!! SEE WHAT I DID THERE? OH SHIT, FORGOT TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK. Round-by-round results from the Versus broadcast will be accumulating after the jump beginning at 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT — right after a quick recap of the Facebook.com/UFC prelims. From Sanchez vs. Kampmann and Dollaway vs. Munoz to Bowles vs. Page  and Stevenson vs. Castillo, it’s gonna be a solid night of free fights, so refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and drop your two cents in the comments section.