Tonight’s UFC on FOX event is looking to be one for the ages, Potato Nation. The alcohol-fueled spirit of Cinco De Mayo has overtaken most, if not all, of the U.S of A by this point, and I’m no exception, so lets skip the fancy introductions and get right to it.
-Karlos Vemola def. Mike Massenzio by submission (rear-naked choke) at 1:07 of round two.
-Roland Delorme def. Nick Denis by submission (rear-naked choke) at 4:59 of round one.
-Dennis Bermudez def. Pablo Garzo by UD
-Danny Castillo def. John Cholsih by UD
-Louis Gaudinot def. John Lineker by submission (guillotine choke) at 4:54 of round 2
-John Hathaway def. Paskal Krauss by UD
-John Dodson def. Tim Elliot by UD
-Michael Johnson def. Tony Ferguson by UD
A couple musings from the prelims:
-Apparently some McDonald’s Happy Meals DO come with Jiu-Jitsu Blackbelts. Just ask Mike Massenzio.
-Nick Denis has a ridiculous rat tail, but it can’t match up with Roland Delorme’s iron chin. What an amazing round of action that was.
Paula Sack visited Palhares while he crushed it in the weight room during his training camp for his fight against Alan Belcher. As you will see at around the 1:14 mark of the below video, Paula’s charms turn the hulk-smashing, cage-climbing Palhares into a blushing, giggling, pile of muscle.
We can’t be sure, but it was kinda like this. To be fair to Palhares, this is what Paula Sack looks like.
UFC middleweight contender Rousimar Palhares is finally getting help, people. Palhares recently told MMA Fighting‘s new star Dave Doyle that he’s been seeing a sports psychologist, and that he expects it to help him Saturday night against Alan Belcher on the UFC on Fox 3 card. ”‘Yeah he’s helped me,’ Palhares said through interpreter and manager Alex David. ‘He’s helped so that when I get into a fight, I get focused on the fight and I don’t get distracted by anything else,’” Doyle reports.
Palhares has provided some of the most scarily entertaining moments in MMA in recent years. Most of those moments were nasty submissions, but a good amount have also just come from his bizarre behavior in the ring.
However, not all is lost (unless we’re talking about last week’s TUF ratings. Bazinga!), for this Saturday’s card promises to deliver the kind of head-to-toe action that mainstream and hardcore audiences alike have been waiting for. It’s got a Diaz, a Miller, a cartoon character, and a mythical swamp beast on its main card alone, so what could possibly go wrong? But just in case the Zuffa brass are looking for a few extra pointers from a fan’s perspective, we’ve compiled the following list of five things that would surely elevate UFC on FOX 3 above that of its predecessors. Enjoy, and let us know what other improvements could be made to the UFC on FOX in the comments section.
5. Tito Ortiz Return to his Role as a Ringside Commentator
FOX is a network that prides itself on being the voice of the simple, common man. And there is perhaps no man simpler than that of Tito Ortiz. Let’s be real here; Ortiz’s night of commentary at Affliction: Day of Reckoning was easily the funniest Goddamn moment in the history of MMA, bar none. Brian Fantana could not muster one-tenth of its hilarity if he were to report on every Panda birth from here to Chongqing, and we should give “The People’s Champ” another go-around for comedic purposes only. Besides, when was the last time ringside commentary really blew your mind? We love Joe Rogan and all, but we’d be much more inclined to stick around after the fight if there was a possibility that the announcer in question would suffer an aneurysm whilst trying to determine his next word.
On the heels of what was a hugely successful (both in terms of action and PPV sales) UFC 145, the UFC will look to keep the momentum going with this weekend’s UFC on FOX 3 card, which features a smorgasbord of great match-ups (praise be to Joe Silva). And the only way to make a great thing even better would be to walk away with a little extra moolah, don’t you think? Because, to paraphrase what Bobby McFerrin once said, “If you don’t have cash, you don’t have style, and you sure as hell don’t have a gal to make you smile.” Something like that. So check out the tasty betting lines below, courtesy of BestFightOdds, and follow us after the jump for some sound advice that will surely score you one out of the three McFerrin keys to success. And don’t worry, none of the spreads are as insane as the current Akihiro Gono/Michael Chandler odds, which more closely resemble your chances of sleeping with Halle Berry, winning the lottery, and surviving a public bus fire in the same day.
But being a one-trick pony shouldn’t be a derogatory term in MMA. If you’re so good at your specialized technique that you can finish top-flight opponents with it, even though they know it’s coming, then you should be applauded, not criticized. So let’s pay tribute to the seven greatest one-trickers in mixed martial arts. If we’ve left out any good ones, please let us know in the comments section.
RONDA ROUSEY Trick: The armbar Finishing percentage via that trick: 100% (5 armbar wins in 5 pro fights) Does she have a nickname based on that trick?: No
How long can Ronda’s perfect armbar streak last? Unlike some of the other names on this list, “Rowdy” has proven that she can land her technique-of-choice against the elite of her division. Rousey faces former Strikeforce 135-pound champion Sarah Kaufman next, and it might be a good sign that Kaufman’s sole career loss — against Marloes Coenen in 2010 — came via armbar.
GIVA SANTANA Trick: The armbar Finishing percentage via that trick: 72.2% (13 armbar wins in 18 pro fights) Does he have a nickname based on that trick?: Yes, “The Arm Collector”
Carrying an overall record of 17-1, Givanildo Santana has torqued elbow-joints all over the world. Santana picked up his 13th armbar win during his Bellator debut in October, and is a dark horse to sweep the promotion’s upcoming middleweight tournament.
We have all heard the legend of Rousimar Palhares. Born in a radioactive swamp deep in the Brazilian jungle, “Toquinho” was raised in captivity, locked in a dark, damp cellar that only received 15 minutes of sunlight a day. It was a cruel, traumatizing upbringing, but the townspeople agreed that it was the only way to maintain the utopia they had built. Living off bread crumbs and rage for the first 20 years of his life, Palhares vowed to seek revenge on those who had enslaved him. Unfortunately for the world, he could only see the ankles of his overlords through a crack beneath the bolted steel door that held him, so his curse did not have the luxury of extending to only those who entered Camp Crystal Lake, or she who read from the Necronomicon. If you were born with a pair of ankles, then Palhares is coming for you.
Thankfully, “Toquinho” celebrated his 32nd birthday last Sunday, so the appendages of mankind have been granted a reprieve for a couple more days. Why, you ask? Well as it turns out, this past Sunday went down as a particularly special birthday for the middleweight mangling machine, as it was the first one in which he was given a cake. Unfortunately, his friends and family decided to throw a surprise party for this glorious celebration. There were no survivors.
Check out Rousimar’s reaction to the surprise after the jump.
(The party is always always popping when Paul Harris is fighting.)
Astute reader Johnnyozone22 sent us a link today that officially confirms our suspicions that the gruesome photo of an alleged Rousimar Palhares leg break victim that made the rounds this week was a fake.
Well, the photo itself is real, it’s just that the unnamed man in the pic isn’t purported former Palhares heel hook victim Isaiah Ordiz. It’s actually a triage photo of an injured Mexican police officer who was injured in a gun fight outside of a Matamoros, Tamaulipas police station last week.
One bit of evidence that helped propel the manufactured story was the name of the alleged injury victim. According to reports, the dude in the photo is Isaiah Ordiz, who actually is a jiu-jitsu competitor. The problem is, Ordiz was a white belt back in 2010, so it’s very unlikely that he competed with Paul Harris last week in a random grappling competition.
It’s okay, Toquinho. We still think you’re a badass. Props to your PR team for arguing your case for a title shot. *slow clap*
If you have the stomach for it, you can check out the photo in question after the jump.
This morning, as part of their Blood Week series, Deadspin linked to a photo of a man on a table, with his femur sticking out of his leg. If you really, really need to see it, just hit the “next page” link at the end of this post. [Ed. note: Don't actually do that.] As Deadspin writes:
Click through to see what happened to Isiah Ordiz’s femur after he wouldn’t tap out of a heel hook from Rousimar Palhares. I cannot stress this enough: this is a Faces of Death-level photo and you will wish you hadn’t seen it.
Immediately, my bullshit sensors went off. I researched an entire article about Palhares’s assholish history of leg abuse two years ago, and there’s no way I would leave out something this gruesome and dramatic, if there was any record of it on the Internet. The fact that this is surfacing now makes it suspect to begin with. Surely us MMA fans would have already heard of it?