(It took Roy 45 minutes and three chipped teeth to realize that his TUF trophy was not made of rock candy.) 

This town ain’t big enough for the two of them. Literally. The town we’re referring to, of course, would be the UFC’s heavyweight division.

Let’s face it, we are currently in the era of TRT-jacked-up super Goliaths, and aside from making us common folk feel more self-conscious about our own physiques, these monsters are putting forth the idea that you have to be sculpted by the Gods themselves in order to be a successful athlete. How dare they. But there is hope, because one man has been vigorously doing the work that the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance could never even dream of doing in between trips to the buffet line. Mainly, proving that obese individuals are capable of doing more than legally stealing electrically powered wheelchairs from crippled people at the supermarket. That man is Roy “Big Country” Nelson.

Obviously fearing that fellow portly contender Mike Russow is beginning to encroach on his Burger King and Taco Bell sponsorships, as well as the “Lifetime Achievement” distinction he was set to receive at next year’s Cici’s Pizza Awards, Nelson has thrown down a good old fashioned “loser leaves town” challenge to Russow over his Twitter. The winner gets to continue eating pull pork sandwiches until they look like the gluttony victim in Seven, and the loser must drop to the land of rice cakes and milk without chocolate syrup that is the light heavyweight division.

(Inferior heavyweight contender, or marketing genius?!) 

Perhaps we’re in the minority here, but we’re getting pretty God damn sick of mixed martial artists throwing around the word “retirement” like Kim Kardashian throws around the word “marriage.” Because retirement, like marriage, is a sacred institution, and nowadays it seems as if every other fighter is taking a big, steaming turd on what was once holy ground. In the past year alone, both Jamie Varner and more recently B.J. Penn have retired, only to come out of said retirement before anyone could even assess their retirement in the first place. Though the jury is still out on how long Nick Diaz and Jason Miller will be out of action, it’s looking like you can add none other than former heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar to the former list, as it has been reported by co-Host of Tough Talk on wrestlingobserver.com, Mike Sawyer, that Lesnar will return to the UFC within the year. He broke the news over his Twitter:

Mike Sawyer ?@TOUGHTALKMMA
Had an interesting conversation with someone VERY close to all the Brock Lesnar stuff. He is fighting THIS YEAR in UFC & not Frank Mir…

Mike Sawyer ?@TOUGHTALKMMA
plans change all the time, but the name I was told isn’t Roy.

Brian ?@FrontRowBrian
If it’s not Mir fighting Lesnar in UFC later this year as @TOUGHTALKMMA reports, who is it? @roynelsonmma? @stefanstruve? @ShaneCarwin II?

Mike Sawyer ?@TOUGHTALKMMA
one of the above.

For those of you with the memory capacity of Sammy Jankis, Lesnar announced his retirement from the sport following his first round TKO loss to Alistair Overeem at UFC 141. UFC 141 was a mere six months ago.

(Who wants to learn how to maker Tater Tots the *fun* way?) 

There are two schools of thought on how a given fighter should end their career in the UFC. The first, and perhaps most honorable method, involves a fighter going out on their shield, fighting until they can fight no more, so to speak. The second involves a fighter talking a ridiculous amount of trash, losing a fight in embarrassing fashion, and throwing a hissy fit backstage that only enforces their bosses decision to fire them. Thankfully, Mirko Cro Cop chose the former method (though he perhaps stuck around a couple fights too long), and after suffering a trio of (T)KO losses to Frank Mir, Brendan Schuab, and Roy Nelson, was ousted from the UFC.

This is not to say that we got any enjoyment out of witnessing the Croatian’s demise, but more so that we were happy to see Cro Cop come to the realization that his career in mixed martial arts had gone as far as it could go. His career in kickboxing, however, has seemingly yet to come to a crashing halt, as Filipvoic managed to pick up a rather impressive second round knockout victory over Loren Javier Jorge at K-1 Rising earlier today in Madrid, Spain.

Cro Cop looked better than we’ve seen him in quite some time, unleashing a few beautiful, snappy head kicks that were nothing short of nostalgic. But the finishing blows did not come as a result of his well-documented kicks, but rather from a series of uppercuts that dropped Jorge a two occasions, the latter of which he could not recover from. Cro Cop looked quick, efficient, and more than anything else, eager to finish the fight when presented the opportunity. Again, it was a very nostalgic experience for both Cro Cop and those who had the privilege of catching the fight.

Take a trip down memory lane after the jump. 

By Elias Cepeda

Props: MMAFighting.com

Junior dos Santos is a walking, terrifying public relations smashing machine. Not only did he Babe Ruth it and fulfill his prediction of winning by 2nd round stoppage over former two-time champion Frank Mir Saturday night, but he also provided the best feel-good photo op of the year so far.

Junior trains out of Luis Carlos Dorea’s Champion Boxing gym in Brazil which, in addition to being headquarters for world-class fighters, is home to a vibrant youth boxing program. After training one day, the UFC Primetime cameras caught one of the little tikes hanging asking Junior to take him with him to the states for his title fight.

At the time, Junior said, “we’ll see.” But he ended up bringing the 9 year-old kid and his family to Vegas to watch him win. After beating Mir, he lifted the lucky young fighter onto his shoulders and posed for the cameras along with his coaches.

Dos Santos definitely appears to have the Wanderlei Silva nice guy/maniac fighter balance down pat. Try as I might, that image warms my cynical heart, and I don’t give a damn how orchestrated it may or may not have been. Who doesn’t like watching a kid’s dream come true before their eyes?

(Damn, Junior…give away your gameplan much? / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.com)

After a preliminary card dominated by relatively normal-sized men — borrrrring! — we’ve finally arrived at tonight’s central theme: Big sons-of-bitches. That’s right, UFC 146‘s main card features five consecutive heavyweight fights, most of which look pretty damn entertaining on paper. Can massive underdog Frank Mir pull off Impossible Career Comeback #2, or will he succumb to the buzzsaw-like boxing of Junior Dos Santos, just like so many before him? Can Lavar Johnson score two knockouts in the same month (!), or is he in over his head — figuratively, and otherwise — against Stefan Struve? And does Roy Nelson really think he’s doing himself any favors with that ratty-ass gray beard?

(Look, Roy, we’re all big Harry Potter fans, but this Rubeus Hagrid obsession of yours is going a little far.) 

Like that of current light heavyweight champ Jon Jones, former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar seems to be the subject of much debate amongst the MMA community. Not only was his heart called into question following his UFC 141 loss to Alistair Overeem, but in light of recent events, even the legitimacy of his title reign has seemingly been written off by some fans of the sport and wiped from the collective memories of others. Meanwhile, the hardcore conspiracy theorists claim that Lesnar’s run was nothing more than a genius ploy by Vince McMahon to boost Lesnar’s popularity before looping him back into the WWE. He’s a polarizing figure to say the least.

And when questions began to arise about the possibility of Lesnar becoming a future inductee into the UFC Hall of Fame, some of us nearly blew a fucking gasket. Among those detractors was that of Roy “Big Country” Nelson, who is scheduled to face Dave Herman on tomorrow night’s main card. A professional fighter for over seven years, Nelson was none too happy to hear all of this blasphemy, and when interviewed by Ariel Helwani, let his feelings be known about Lesnar’s chances:

You know what? If Brock belongs in the hall of fame, so do I. It’s not that hard to win the title when it’s set up that way for you. Pretty much [a silver platter]. After Dave Herman, I guess I get a title shot. Interim! Because someone’s gonna get hurt.

It’s pretty hard to deny the truth in Nelson’s words. Yes, Lesnar did win a title (and defend it), and all Nelson has done lately is get his face smashed in spectacular/gruesome fashion, but the fact that Lesnar got a shot after going 1-1 is pretty…you know what, we’ve already discussed this. I’m not going to retread any old ground.

Anyway, join us after the jump for Nelson’s full interview with Helwani, in which he also discusses his diet (of course), returning to his Kung-Fu roots, as well as his (and every fighters) gripes with his pay rate.

(A helpful little video-primer, via YouTube.com/UFC)

By Ryan Sarr

What better way to kick off the summer this Memorial Day weekend than with the star-studded, all-heavyweight UFC 146: Dos Santos vs. Mir. Though Alistair Overeem’s drug test dodging/excuse-making skills weren’t enough to save the original UFC 146 main event, we’re still in for a spectacular heavyweight title tilt with JDS and Frank Mir.

Dos Santos made his UFC debut almost four years ago at UFC 90, and three days before the fight Dana White posted footage of JDS hitting mits on his online video blog. Dos Santos’s hands looked incredible, and suddenly money came pouring in on the heavy underdog to beat Fabricio Werdum, which he did in devastating fashion. Since then, Dos Santos has put together the best resume in UFC Heavyweight history, destroying everyone in his path. So, is Mir going to be just another notch on JDS’s belt, or will JDS have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon Sunday morning? Join me as I break down each fight on UFC 146′s main card, and don’t forget to come back to CagePotato tomorrow night for our liveblog of the event.

Junior Dos Santos (14-1, 8-0 UFC) vs. Frank Mir (16-5, 14-5 UFC)

They say that styles make fights, and Saturday night’s heavyweight championship is going to be a clash between two men who are the best in the division at their chosen styles. Junior Dos Santos is so confident in his boxing skills that he says he could hang with the Klitschko brothers with three months’ training, and Frank Mir’s jiu-jitsu is so good that he broke Minotauro Nogueira’s arm after Nogueira had Mir teetering on unconsciousness. Both of these men have a wealth of Octagon experience, but neither man has ever fought into the championship rounds of a fight. That shouldn’t be an issue Saturday night, however, for this fight will probably end well before the final bell.

For Dos Santos, the game plan is simple: keep this fight on the feet. Dos Santos’ belief in his hands has to be at an all-time high, as he’s coming off his knockout of previously undefeated former champion Cain Velasquez in 64 seconds. If JDS can control the Octagon against Mir and use his superb counter-punching, I can see him finishing Mir early. Dos Santos has very quick hands for a heavyweight, and his uppercut is devastating. Just one counter hook or uppercut, and it could be lights out for Mir.

(Cyrus Fees: The Genki Sudo of MMA announcers. / Props: MMAInsidetheCageTV. R.I.P. Adam Yauch)

- UFCs Dana White Talks Jon Jones DWI Meeting, Draws Comparisons With ‘Professional’ Anderson Silva (MMA Mania)

- Roy Nelson: If Brock Lesnar Deserves to Be in the Hall of Fame, So Do I (MMAFighting)

- Bleacher Report Hangs Out With Stefan Struve (BleacherReport/MMA)

- Mayhem Miller Wants to Show You How Hard He Prepared for CB Dollaway at UFC 146 (MiddleEasy)

- Junior Dos Santos: “When My Fists Talk For Me, Everybody Understands” (MMA: Inside The Cage)

- Ben Fowlkes and Chad Dundas Have a New Podcast (The Co-Main Event)

- Dana White Talks Retirement After UFC-FOX Deal Finishes (Fightline)

- Build the Upper Body of an MMA Champ (MensFitness)

- 5 Cliches That Stand Up Comedians Need to Retire (HolyTaco)

- Speakeasy, Episode 2: Paul F. Tompkins Interviews Weird Al (MadeMan)

- Wes Anderson’s 10 Awesomest Characters (ScreenJunkies)

- Sony Greenlights ‘Shadow of the Colossus’ Movie (GameFront)

(Word has it JDS hits so hard that Frank Mir fainted shortly after this photo was snapped.)

Just a reminder, Potato Nation, that the weigh-ins for tomorrow’s UFC 146 card are going down tonight starting at 7 p.m. ET. Because we “love” you the way a man “loves” the prostitute he just kicked out of his hotel room, we’ll be hosting a live stream of the event below. At least one of us will be trolling the comment section and looking for a fight, so be sure to join us if you’re into that sort of thing.

Will Roy Nelson don some sort of hilarious costume/facial hair combination? Will Jamie Varner go back into retirement and no-show for his fight against Edson Barboza out of fear for his life? Will Junior dos Santos break out his patented victory dance upon making weight?

All of these questions will be answered, via a few intense staredowns, in just a few short hours. 

Unfortunately, last Tuesday’s UFC on FUEL: Zombie vs. Poirier card all but completely derailed our recent run of luck with the Gambling Enabler (aside from the decision to purchase some Bud Light Platinums to celebrate another beautiful McKenzietine bet), but hopefully this weekend’s UFC 146 event, which features an all heavyweight main card for the first time in UFC history will help get things back on track. So without further adieu, may we present to you the tasty betting lines, brought to you courtesy of BestFightOdds, along with our brilliant/equally insane advice below.

Main Card
Frank Mir (+425) vs. Junior dos Santos (-550)
Cain Velasquez (-400) vs. Antonio Silva (+325)
Roy Nelson (-225) vs. Dave Herman (+185)
Shane del Rosario (+135) vs. Stipe Miocic (-155)
Lavar Johnson (+105) vs. Stefan Struve (-125)

Preliminary Card (FX)
Diego Brandao (-265) vs. Darren Elkins (+205)
Edson Barboza (-550) vs. Jamie Varner (+425)
Jason Miller (-145) vs. C.B. Dollaway (+115)
Dan Hardy (-130) vs. Duane Ludwig (+100)

Preliminary Card (Facebook)
Paul Sass (+170) vs. Jacob Volkmann (-215)
Glover Teixeira (-240) vs. Kyle Kingsbury (+180)
Mike Brown (-160) vs. Daniel Pineda (+130)

Thoughts…

(Let’s be honest, you’d pay to watch these three knuckleheads do *anything*.)

As Danga pointed out yesterday, injuries and surprise drug tests have led to all five of UFC 146‘s main card bouts being altered since they were first announced, which puts “Dos Santos vs. Mir” right up there with MMA’s most cursed events of all time. But let’s be fair — the UFC originally promised us ten aggressive heavyweights bashing the hell out of each other, and they’re still giving us just that. So is UFC 146 a rag-tag bunch of scab-fights, or a compelling lineup in itself? Let’s break it down…

Original main event: Junior dos Santos vs. Alistair Overeem
Current main event: Junior dos Santos vs. Frank Mir
Advantage: Even. Luckily, our schizophrenic contributor Josh Hutchinson has already presented both sides of this issue, and I’m leaning towards the idea that Mir as a main-event replacement isn’t a total disaster. At first, we had the two best heavyweight strikers in MMA slugging it out for supremacy. Now, we have…well, who knows? Mir’s brilliant ground game opens up a whole new set of outcomes for this one. And isn’t MMA at its best when it’s chaotic and unpredictable? (I know, some of you just watch for the big muscles, but I’m a true fan, okay bro?)

Original co-main event: Cain Velasquez vs. Frank Mir
Current co-main event: Cain Velasquez vs. Antonio Silva
Advantage: Original. And I only say that because Velasquez vs. Mir felt like less of a squash match. Bigfoot really could have used a softer landing in the Octagon; making his UFC debut in a pay-per-view co-main event against a juggernaut ex-champ like Velasquez smells like serious trouble for the Brazilian, who already failed a chin-test against Daniel Cormier in September.

(Just don’t come between Dave and his cubs.)

A pair of injuries have led to even more changes to the already chaotic UFC 146 lineup. As confirmed last night, heavyweight Gabriel Gonzaga has been forced to withdraw from his scheduled fight against Roy Nelson, and will be replaced by Dave Herman, who suffered a TKO loss to Stefan Struve in his last Octagon appearance. This is the second opponent switch for Nelson, who was originally supposed to face Antonio Silva on the “Dos Santos vs. Mir” card.

Meanwhile in the prelims, lightweight contender Evan Dunham is out of his fight against undefeated rising star Edson Barboza, and will be replaced by former WEC champ Jamie Varner. Since exiting the WEC after going 0-3-1 in 2010, Varner has won three of four fights outside the Zuffa fold, most recently stopping Drew Fickett in 40 seconds at XFC 16. However, all of Varner’s recent fights have come at 160-170 pounds, and one of those matches resulted in a loss to Dakota Cochrane, of all people. Will Varner be at a disadvantage trying to make 155 again on short notice? Will it even matter, considering that Barboza vs. Varner is the biggest UFC squash match of the year?

UFC 146 goes down May 26th at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas. The current (but probably not final) lineup is after the jump…

(I’ve met some ugly chicks on PlentyofFish before, but Angie was a new low for me. And she looked even worse with her clothes off.)

Fun fact: Alistair Overeem’s withdrawal from UFC 146 has now resulted in six fighters on the main card getting their opponents switched a month out from the fight. (Only the Mark Hunt vs. Stefan Struve bout has been completely unaffected.) In the latest edition of “Dos Santos vs. Mir” musical chairs, Roy Nelson gets a new opponent, and an undefeated heavyweight prospect comes in to fill the gap.

— With his original opponent Antonio Silva now facing Cain Velasquez, Roy Nelson’s new dance-partner on May 26th will be Gabriel Gonzaga. “Napao” is coming off his successful UFC return against Edinaldo Oliveira in Rio, and was originally slated to kick off the UFC 146 pay-per-view against 11-0 Strikeforce vet Shane Del Rosario. Now it’ll be Gonzaga vs. Big Country, a battle of BJJ black belts with knockout power. We can dig that.

(“So this ‘acromegaly‘ shit…do they carry it at GNC?”)

When Frank Mir was called up to replace Alistair Overeem in UFC 146‘s main event, former heavyweight champ Cain Velasquez was briefly left without an opponent on the card. But over the weekend, Dana White announced that Antonio Silva will be stepping up to replace Mir against Velasquez. The fight will serve as the co-main event for UFC 146: Dos Santos vs. Mir, which goes down May 26th in Las Vegas.

Antonio Silva will be making his UFC debut against Velasquez, and hasn’t competed since his knockout loss to Daniel Cormier in the semi-finals of Strikeforce’s heavyweight tournament last September. As for Silva’s original opponent Roy Nelson, Big Country is still expected to remain on the card though a replacement opponent hasn’t been named yet. The current lineup for UFC 146 is after the jump…

(No, no, not THAT kind of ultimate fighter.) 

Seven years. Fifteen seasons. The Ultimate Fighter has been a part of our lives for nearly a decade, ladies and gentlemen, and not only is it still going strong, but it has spread at the rate of your average zombie apocalypse. With the first international installment of the hit reality show already under way, TUF has seemingly evolved beyond its counterparts, transcending even that of the sport in it’s ability to excite, and often inspire its audience. Sure, the next season of Jersey Shore will feature a piss drunk pregnant woman and a possible probable cokehead and will therefore rule the ratings from here to eternity, but The Ultimate Fighter has something better to bring to the table than fabricated drama. Mainly, sweet ass knockouts.

Seven years of sweet ass knockouts, to be precise. That’s the entire length of Tommy Callahan’s college career.

With these knockouts, we’ve seen underdogs pull off upsets, loudmouths get their comeuppance, and the emergence of future superstars. So in honor of what has already been a KO-ridden season of TUF, we decided to watch every season back to back, and determine the BEST knockout from its respective season. Enjoy.

(Test this man! No one has that much style naturally)

Mike Chiappetta reports that the Nevada State Athletic Commission decided to drug-test some of UFC 146′s big boys yesterday after a press conference held in Las Vegas to promote the May 26th event. Fighters given the surprise tests were heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos, #1 contender Alistair Overeem, Frank Mir, Cain Velasquez, Roy Nelson and Antonio Silva.

Nevada has been able to test athletes randomly for a while now, but only recently got an increase in their department’s funding that has allowed them to begin such testing in earnest, according to Chiappetta. The state commission decided to take advantage of all the fighters coming to the state, and save the money it might have cost to go to them, in effect. As the MMAFighting report explains:

(Vitor’s shorts say “Jesus,” but his abs say “Nutella and banana on rye.”)

By Jonathan Shrager

Though he first landed on our radars as a competitor on TUF 7, fighter/trainer Mike Dolce has become much more famous for The Dolce Diet — the health and nutrition system he employs to help MMA stars hit their weight limits while retaining peak performance on fight-day. Fresh off his wizard-like guidance of Thiago Alves earlier this month, we decided to get the Living Lean author on the phone to find out exactly how he does it. Enjoy…

JONATHAN SHRAGER: Hi Mike, thanks for taking the time to talk with us. You are arguably the most renowned nutritionist in MMA nowadays.
MIKE DOLCE: Well, thank you. I prefer “performance coach” actually, but people often refer to me as a nutritionist because I’ve become synonymous with The Dolce Diet, so I understand why. I do quite a bit, including nutrition and Strength & Conditioning.

So who is the current crop of fighters that you’re working with?
Thiago Alves, of course, with whom I travelled to England. Chael Sonnen, Vitor Belfort, Jake Ellenberger, Jay Hieron, Mike Pyle, and I started working with Jorge Masvidal in advance of his Strikeforce lightweight title fight with Gilbert Melendez. Jorge is a great guy and a super-talented athlete.

I recently interviewed Jorge, and he confessed his love of junk food including McDonald’s. Have you ever caught him attempting to eat any junk food behind your back? Is his love for McDonald’s difficult to contain?
Haha! No, Jorge is very committed to performing at the top of his potential. He is so dedicated to his craft, there is nothing to pull him off course. But he did admit his love of McDonald’s to me and we agreed that would be his victory celebration.

Post-fight, do you allow your fighters a little leeway to have a week off and eat what they want? Do you yourself ever celebrate with the fighters by eating some greasy or sugary foods?
Yes, I employ a principle of earned meals, a concept established to allow athletes or individuals to enjoy a meal that may not be consistent with their goals. For my athletes, I usually give them until Wednesday after the fight to ignore my phone calls before we start dialing their lifestyle back in. The great thing about guys or girls who follow The Dolce Diet, is that they lose the old cravings for junk and instead just look for larger portions of what we’ve been eating all camp. After a fight, I’ll usually indulge in a burger or slice of pizza with the team, but that’s usually because we don’t leave the venue until after midnight and our options are limited.

Following his fight with Frank Mir, Dana White suggested that Roy Nelson should try to make 205 lbs in an attempt to rejuvenate himself and his career. Roy subsequently claimed that this would require him to lose a limb, but now he says he’ll try to do it if he gets enough Facebook fans. Would you be the man to help Roy shed the belly?

(The battle of the chins, ladies and gentlemen. One figurative, and the other literal. Which will reign supreme?) 

It looks like Mayor McCheese has granted Roy Nelson a temporary reprieve from his Facebook sponsored drop to light heavyweight, as it is being reported that the TUF 10 winner has been booked to square off against former EliteXC heavyweight champion Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva at UFC 146 in May.

Continuing the UFC’s ongoing trend of purging Strikeforce of any remaining talent, it was rumored a couple months ago that Silva would be facing Cain Velasquez for his UFC debut, which was tentatively set for April. Rumors quickly shifted to a possible Velasquez/Frank Mir matchup, and “Bigfoot” was all but forgotten about in the mix of things. After shocking the world by handing Fedor Emelianenko his first (T)KO loss since December of 2000 at last year’s Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Silva card, “Bigfoot” would find himself on the wrong end of a slightly less shocking KO loss to Daniel Cormier in the semifinals of Strikeforce’s long running heavyweight tournament in his last contest.

(And if enough of you follow him on Twitter, he will fight this dog to the death on live television.) 

Talk about an odd method of motivation. UFC President Dana White has long lamented over the extra baggage UFC heavyweight Roy Nelson has been carrying around over the course of his career, and it appeared to have some impact, as Nelson showed up at a slim and trim 246 pounds for his most recent UFC 143 battle with Fabricio Werdum. Though the results were less than successful, it seemed as if “Big Country” had actually begun to make a commitment to shedding the unnecessary pounds that were holding him back from being a truly elite fighter. After his loss to Werdum, many were calling for the rotund Burger King enthusiast to consider a drop to light heavyweight, regardless of how long it took. Though it would undoubtedly be a mountainous task, it would ultimately benefit Nelson, who is a mere 3-3 as a heavyweight in his UFC career.

Well according to Roy, we won’t be seeing him even attempt the cut unless he gets a few more people to “like” him on Facebook. In a recent interview with BloodyElbow, Nelson managed to set aside his order of baby back ribs long enough to make a pledge to transform his body, but if and only if he added 100,000 friends/likes/whogivesafucks to his profile:

The reason is my friend and I had a discussion about what was better? I think twitter just because of use and for fans interaction, but Facebook is 20x bigger. So we decided to bet. I said if it so easy and great I should be able add 100K fans in 2 weeks because I have that on twitter. Facebook is bigger and better so this should be easy. Right?

Bet is I will try to get to 205 if I can add 100k to Facebook.com/RoyNelsonUFC in two weeks. I love to win bets. Plus he will have to give me a part in his next movie.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/UFC)

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-  The Next Bond Will Be Literally Gigantic (AskMen)

-  Strippers Predict The Oscars [Video] (Clutch.MTV)

-  First Full BORDERLANDS 2 Trailer Hits (TheRugged)

-  Your 2012 Oscars Drinking Game (FilmDrunk)

-  The Williams Sisters Body Guard Eva Longoria (TerezOwens)

-  Frank Mir: Why I Won’t Need an Intervention (FightersOnly)

-  Questions We Have About ‘Rampage’ (BleacherReport)

- Five Potential Premises for JK Rowling’s New Book (HolyTaco)

You know the deal by now, Potato Nation. Dana White’s first video blog for UFC 144 takes a look back at the aftermath of UFC 143, as has become the norm. So we’re going to skip the fancy introduction and get right into it.

(1:43) -  Matt Riddle has to be one of the nicest guys in the UFC, bar none. Talk about a guy that loves his job. And a metaphorical fist bump is due to Henry Martinez for putting on a hell of a fight on such short notice. DW states that he originally thought this match-up was “the worst mismatch in UFC History.” How quickly we all forgot Silva/Leites.

(2:36) - Poor Edwin Figueroa‘s testicles.

(2:44) - Apparently Bruce Leroy kicked Figueroa so hard in the balls that he forgot how many times he kicked Figueroa in the balls. Irony? Either way, we agree that a two point deduction seemed a little harsh. Then again, Caceres likely destroyed any of Figueroa’s future plans to have children, so we’ll call it even.

We’re big fans of Masato Toys’ MMA action figure series, so when we saw his latest work on the first issue of MMAtional Enquirer, we knew our readers would dig it too.

Besides Roger Huerta and Tito on TMZ, we haven’t really had any MMA luminaries who have gotten much attention from the tabloids. Not sure that’s a bad thing, but it’s likely to change as the sport grows and gets more mainstream.

We had our suspicions about Roy, but the Arianny-Ariel affair surprised the hell out of us us since you’ve got to fight to love her.

Check out the inside of the rag after the jump.

(Apparently after this loss, Max Holloway decided to change his nickname from “Lil’ Evil” to “Blessed,” likely because taking Jens Pulver’s nickname REALLY lets opponents know where your weakness lies.) 

Aside from bitterly dividing fans on what exactly constitutes a fight, UFC 143 left us with a lot of unanswered questions. Should Carlos Condit consider a nickname change?* Will Dustin Poirier get the next shot at Jose Aldo?** Is Nick Diaz really calling it quits?*** Though only time will truly calm our concerns, we’re going to make some bold predictions for Saturday’s winners and losers nonetheless, because that’s how we do things ’round here. Check out our matchmaking picks below, and let us know what you think in the comments section.

Nick Diaz: Perhaps the most impressive thing about Nick Diaz is that, despite his intellectual shortcomings, he maintains an ability to instill fear into whomever he fights. His cardio, striking attack, and Jiu Jitsu are second to none and just plain SCARY, but it is the man’s confidence, his willingness to relentlessly pursue and trade with anyone, that breaks even the strongest of competitors. Going into a fight with Diaz, you know you aren’t going to submit him, and you know it’s damn near impossible to knock the SOB out, so what the fuck are you supposed to do?

(“If you’re gonna tease me, at least let me shove this down your shorts, homie.”)

The Nevada State Athletic Commission today released the salaries for Saturday night’s UFC 143: Diaz vs. Condit event at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas.

The entire payroll for the show, which was attended by 10,040 fans and earned a reported live gate of $2.3 million, was $880,500.

Nick Diaz took home the biggest paycheck out of the night’s combatants with $200,000, not including discretionary back room bonuses which are rumored to have brought Diaz’s payday to the $1 million range. The next highest payout went to Josh Koscheck, who doubled up on his $73,000 base salary with his razor-close win over Mike Pierce, bringing him to $146,000. In third was Carlos Condit, who took home $110,000 for his win over Diaz including a $55,000 win bonus.

Fabricio Werdum’s UFC salary remained the same as his Strikeforce one as he netted his customary $100,000 flat rate for his win over Roy Nelson, who is still at the lower end of the pay scale of the UFC’s upper-echelon of fighters thanks to his TUF contract. To put it in perspective, Scott Jorgensen took home $500 more than “Big Country” for his loss to Renan Barao, while Mike Pierce matched salaries with the former heavyweight IFL champ.

(The shirt says it all.) 

Roy Nelson’s UFC 143 scrap with Fabricio Werdum was truly an exercise in futility for “Big Country,” because it more or less showcased what we already knew about him (the man can take a beating like no other), while at the same time reinforcing the idea that Nelson has damn near refused to evolve as a MMA fighter. Yes, he has recently shown a commitment to slimming down and yes, not many of us expected him to try and submit Werdum on Saturday, but if Roy doesn’t start switching up his striking routine (aka looking for anything but a big overhand right), he can expect several more axe wounds like the one above in his future.

We love you Roy, but it might be time to depart from The Country Club for a while, because you can only change the tee box and hole locations for so long until you just get sick of playing the same course over and over again.

Speaking of axe wounds, join us after the jump for a brief look back at some of MMA’s nastiest cuts…

Two kicks + two mangled testes = two points? (Photo: UFC.com)

Controversial decisions weren’t limited to the feature bout at UFC 143, my friends. From scrotum to scorecard, there’s much to break down from the undercard action.

Fabricio Werdum put on a striking clinic against the slightly less-hefty Roy Nelson. Werdum put together crisp, powerful combinations and launched a torrent of knees from the clinch to bloody “Big Country” up. It was a welcome rebound from his performance against Overeem and a promising re-introduction to the Octagon. Nelson has an incredibly tough chin—proven by the sheer number of bombs he takes fight after fight—and a heart as big as they come—what else could pump that much blood out of his face?–but that’s not enough to make it in the UFC’s heavyweight division. He’s served as a very game punching bag for much of his post-TUF career, and it’s not a good look. On the positive side, his refusal to die in the cage did help the duo score the evening’s $65k ‘Fight of the Night’ bonus.

(Don’t be a hero. Just throw your lunch money onto the stage with everybody else’s. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com For more photos from this set, click here.)

Tonight, the UFC is putting an interim welterweight belt on the line, to be decided by two gamebred sons-of-bitches who go out to take scalps, not win points. If Nick Diaz vs. Carlos Condit isn’t a thrilling fight, I’ll eat my hat. Plus: Roy Nelson welcomes Fabricio Werdum back to the Octagon, Josh Koscheck slugs it out with his evil twin Mike Pierce, and Scott Jorgenson does his best to snap the 27-fight win streak of Renan Barao.

Handling play-by-play for tonight’s action is interim liveblog champion Aaron Mandel. Follow us after the jump for live results from the UFC 143 pay-per-view card, beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and please use the comments section to let us know how we can better serve you.

Don’t blink- someone’s getting their ass motorboated tonight. (Video: YouTube/UFC)

Though reported to have gone down in Las Vegas, last night’s weigh-ins clearly took place in Bizarro World. How else could you explain a slim(mer) Roy Nelson, Josh Koscheck being the victim of bullying, and Nick Diaz comporting himself like a true gentleman?

We were denied a glimpse of “Big Medium Country” at the memorable UFC 137 weigh-ins back in October, but last night he tipped the scales some fourteen pounds lighter than he did when squaring off against Frank Mir last May. Could it be he’s serious about that drop to light heavyweight?

Koscheck hasn’t had much to say about his foe—aside from having to look him up after the fight was signed—but Mike Pierce provoked him further by donning a pretty accurate wig during their staredown. Considering that Pierce called him out in the first place, he either knows something we don’t or is setting himself up for a lesson in humility this evening.

And as for Diaz, there’s not much to say beyond how civilized he looked. No, he didn’t bro hug ‘Conduit‘ after the face-off, but the ruffian we know and love was nowhere to be seen. First a handshake at the presser, and now no mean mug? Could it be that the ‘Pride of Stockton’ has failed to muster up the hatred for his opponent that usually fuels his fights, and if so, does it even matter?

Full weigh-in results, and a closer look at the Diaz-Condit stare-down after the jump.

(“Hey, my eyes are up here, asshole.”)

Discussing MMA is a lot like discussing politics; what starts off as a friendly difference of opinion more than often spirals into an alcohol-fueled debate, rife with personal insults and name calling, before ending in a sloppy wrestling match that gets both parties banned from their boss’s wine tasting parties for life. Luckily, we have Doug “ReX13″ Richardson and Jared Jones here to dispute all things UFC 143, because frankly, we can’t make heads or tails outta this card.

Let’s kick things off how we normally do, with a completely offhand topic. Who wins the Super Bowl?

RX: Me, if the commercials are good and Bane blows up the stadium.  Let me guess, you’re a-

JJ: GO GIANTS!

RX: I hate you so hard, man.

JJ: First off, I’m not your buddy.

RX: But I never-

JJ: Eli Manning is to the Patriots what Dylan Klebold was to Columbine High School; he cannot be defeated, unless by that of his own doing. Giants 35-27.

RX: Wow…this has gotten off to a rough start. Can we just move on?

(Nick Diaz and Carlos Condit exchange a respectful handshake at Gladiator Man‘s funeral.)

Weigh-ins for tomorrow night’s UFC 143: Diaz vs. Condit event are scheduled to get rollin’ today at 7 p.m. ET / 4 p.m. PT in Las Vegas. You can watch the action right here on CagePotato.com, in the video player after the jump. Will Nick Diaz start talking shit during the staredown? What can Roy Nelson possibly do to top his last weigh-in appearance? And will the Fabricio Werdum smirk of insanity make its UFC debut? Keep your browser parked right here to find out, and be sure to come back tomorrow night at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT for our liveblog of the UFC 143 main card.