After his latest “Do you wanna be an [expletive] fighter” speech on the last episode, Dana White is surprised that nobody is stepping over Matt Mitrione to take his spot, which is strange because Scott Junk made it very clear that he’d just do that, wrecked eye notwithstanding. One guy who definitely isn’t down to fight is (wait for it) Kimbo Slice, who’s concerned about his arthritis-stricken knee and starts throwing out excuses. Bottom line is, he won’t be able to perform at full strength, and he can’t stomach another loss, so he’d just rather not fight, if that’s cool.

“I am in no position to fight a kickboxer like James McSweeney at this point,” he says, adding that it would “demise” him a little bit taking the fight knowing he wasn’t healthy. Dana White is a little taken back; he didn’t expect this from Kimbo, whose gameness was supposed to be his best quality. But that’s the situation. The season’s poster boy turns out to be a total bust. I demand a refund.

Luckily, Matt Mitrione feels healthy again. He tells Rashad that he’s been cleared to fight, and Rashad tells us "I bet he called the doctor and the doctor said ‘listen kid, I told you two days ago you could fight,’” which is hilarious because that’s pretty much exactly how it went down. Finally, Mitrione admits that his head injury story was exaggerated to mess with James McSweeney and keep himself entertained. Ohhhhh, now it all makes sense…

(Nelson vs. Wren. Props: CreativeProjectTV)

With seven of his guys advanced to the quarterfinals, Coach Rashad decides that the fairest way to proceed is for him to take a hands-off approach. Everybody will train together, but there won’t be much coaching anymore. The guys are on their own.

Roy Nelson and Justin Wren are friends. Roy wants to get their fight over with so he can go back to giggling and shooting the crap with his homey, and he feels bad that he’ll have to take Justin’s dream away.

Matt Mitrione‘s brain hurts, even more than usual. He dry-heaves at the house, and can barely stay in a sitting position in the van. Wren thinks he’s milking it. Kimbo says "he already has sand in his vagina. He already pulled out by going to the hospital." If he can’t continue, Dana says he and the coaches will decide "who the alternate is who deserves to be in there." Deserving or not, we all know it would be Kimbo Slice. But nobody seems to mind the favoritism. Rampage is pulling for Kimbo to return because he’s improved so much during his time in the house. Kimbo says he’s a fight contractor, putting tools in his belt to build a solid fight foundation, and if he gets a chance to put his haymakers on you, you a done-dada.

Sneak Peek: Team Rashad Prepares For The Quarterfinals

Tonight’s episode of TUF 10 will feature the season’s first quarterfinal matchup, in which polar-bearish grapplers Justin Wren and Roy Nelson — arguably the two strongest fighters in the house — go toe-to-toe in a Youth vs. Experience matchup. Because they practice on the same team, each dude always has one eye on the other, though the vibe between them is generally respectful. Rashad feels uncomfortable with the prospect of training his guys against each other, because he doesn’t want to look like he’s playing favorites — though that ruse won’t last long considering Schaub and McSweeney obviously are his favorites. Check out the episode tonight and come back tomorrow morning for group discussion…

(Props: CagePotato reader Pete V.R.)

Now that TUF 10‘s round-of-16 is in the books, we all have a better sense of who these guys are and how far they’ll go in the competition. So, it’s time to rank the Elite 8 based on their performances. Going from valedictorian to dunce…

JUSTIN WREN

Wren put an MMA veteran to sleep, took zero damage in the fight, and made it look easy. You couldn’t ask for a more successful first match than that. Few people knew who this guy was when he came into the house, but suddenly he’s a front-runner. Grade: A

ROY NELSON

Like Wren, Nelson used a methodical grappling attack to take his opponent completely out of the game. The only difference is, Wren finished his fight, while Nelson was content to pile on pitty-pat punches until the ref stopped it for him. Not taking any undue risks is a smart strategy when you’re looking at three fights in six weeks, but hopefully he’ll show some killer instinct in his next fights. Grade: A-

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

Following yesterday’s UFC 104 press conference, AllElbows.com‘s E. Casey Leydon got up in Dana White‘s face, and the conversation inevitably turned to Kimbo Slice. Despite multiple reports from TUF 10 castmembers that Kimbo had a large "posse" in attendance for his fight — yes, that’s the word they keep using — Dana claims that only Slice’s manager was there, while his wife and kids were definitely not. "I’ve never seen such crybabies in my whole life as the heavyweights [on TUF 10]," Dana says. Here’s another example: Roy Nelson told USA Today that Kimbo had his own media room and could make phone calls. Dana’s response:

After the jump: A longer DW interview with Ariel Helwani, where Dana discusses Cain Velasquez‘s potential as a future champ, selling two Brazilian main-eventers, the necessity of teammates fighting each other, an update on the Dan Henderson situation, those Showtime knuckleheads, Bernard Hopkins’s criticism of MMA as gay porno, why "Big" John McCarthy isn’t reffing at UFC 104, and Chuck Liddell’s future in the sport.

(‘Oh, that? It’s an allegory for how we train around here. Or, wait, when it involves an animal does that make it a fable? Hold on, let’s ask Tuchscherer.’)

Sometimes I get the feeling that Brock Lesnar is actually a really smart, articulate guy, but he has a vicious sense of humor that makes him want to say the most ridiculous things he can think of just to see if anyone has the balls to call him out on it.  Chances are, no, they don’t.  So he just keeps talking and things keep getting weirder.  The latest such example comes from a Yahoo! Sports article that attempts to get inside Lesnar’s head by eating lunch with him at Subway.  Naturally, there’s all the usual smack talk about Shane Carwin’s lack of difficult opponents and that adorable little Division II national wrestling championship that he won.  But there’s also this bizarre quote when Lesnar gives his take on TUF 10′s recent Kimbo Slice-Roy Nelson fight:

"It looked like a couple of high school kids, a barroom brawl.  The fat biker dude took his vest off and put ranch dressing on his (chest)."

In a perfect world, the interviewer would have countered that statement by asking, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’  But sadly, ours is an aggressively imperfect world, so that probably didn’t happen.  Instead, we’ll go ahead and ask.  WTF, Brock?  What is that even supposed to mean?  Ranch dressing on his chest?  What kind of bars are you hanging out in, anyway?

(Click the image to watch the video on Spike.com.)

Kimbo Slice must have had other plans that day, but luckily Roy Nelson and Dana White were free to hang with Amir Sadollah for the latest edition of Spike.com‘s TUF 10 wrap-up show, The Aftermath. Dana does his best to debunk some rumors: No, he doesn’t have influence on when fights are stopped on the show — and how dare you suggest otherwise, Roy — and no, the alcohol isn’t provided for dramatic purposes. All booze is requested by the fighters themselves, not that drunken jackassery has been a problem on this season so far. (Still, Wes Sims can’t stay dry forever.) There’s also an interesting moment where Dana gets on Roy’s case for not joining a major camp. ("I think that it hurts you as a fighter…to not be sparring and training with guys that are going to push you every day.") And he’s still a little irritated about Roy’s post-fight Whopper order.

Later, the panel analyzes what Kimbo needs to do to be competitive in MMA, and Dana addresses the status of Quinton "Rampage," "B.A. Baracus" Jackson: "Rampage [announced] he’s retired because he’s mad at me. And I’m mad at him. It happens sometimes. I’m sure we’ll get this thing figured out, and I’m sure we’ll see him and Rashad fight. I highly doubt that Rampage is really retired."

(Props: MMA TKO)

As expected, last night’s Kimbo Slice/Roy Nelson fight drew a record-breaking audience to Spike TV’s “Ultimate Fighter.”  While the entire hour averaged 5.3 million viewers, the actual fight portion of the show pulled in, according to the press release sent out by Spike, “a staggering 6.1 million viewers” for what was a predictable and not terribly exciting one-sided victory for “Big Country.”  That pummeling now holds the distinction of being the most watched UFC fight ever on Spike TV, so it sounds like somebody really does owe Nelson a Double Whopper with cheese.  And God help you if he finds a pickle on there.

Okay, so maybe our close reading of Roy Nelson’s cryptic Twitter update got a little carried away and missed the more obvious implication of “Big Country’s” Babe Ruth reference before last night’s fight with Kimbo Slice on “The Ultimate Fighter.”  While our interpretation is still more fun, Nelson’s makes more sense, especially when he explains it thusly:

My plan was, I was going to stand with him as long as I could. Because I wasn’t really going to shoot on him, just because that’s what he was expecting. And then if he came in flurrying, I was just going to bodylock him, take him down and crucifix him.  You know how Babe Ruth used to point to the fence and say, "I’m going to hit this home run"? I did exactly what I wanted: take no hits, get it to the ground and just win.

Whether the Bambino ever actually did that is still unclear, but no one can say Nelson didn’t do exactly what he set out to.  He also says that while Dana White may have felt the pummeling wasn’t too severe, Kimbo Slice looked “like the Elephant Man” afterwards, due to all the knots on his head. 

(Kimbo vs. Roy, round 1+2.)

After all the hype, after all the brilliant video analysis, it finally happened: A fight that could have potentially headlined an EliteXC card, going down in front of about 30 people on a reality TV show set. Kimbo Slice vs. Roy Nelson. The Irresistable Force vs. The Immovable Fat Dude. No, you won’t see it on any Fight of the Year lists, but it happened. You can’t deny that it was something that happened.

Apparently, living in a house with no televisions or computers has the same effect as smoking an assload of weed, because Kimbo began last night’s episode in a reflective, philosophical mood, getting right with God and dropping pearls of wisdom like: "When I decide to shave the beard is when ‘Kimbo’ will be put to rest…but will Kimbo ever be at rest?" He realizes that he’s always operated in relation to an exterior enemy, but hold the fuck up because maybe this whole time the enemy is the eneME, or rather, the INNER ME? Has Kimbo been fighting himself his whole life? Oh my God, player.

Judging by his Twitter updates, Roy Nelson is really looking forward to tonight’s episode of "The Ultimate Fighter," perhaps so much so that he’s willing to spoil it for all 180 of his followers (and oh yeah, CagePotatoMMA is among that lucky few).  So what exactly should we take from this cryptic missive?  Let’s see if we can deconstruct these three sentences and find out what it is "Big Country" is really trying to say:

- Roy’s reference to Babe Ruth — not the candy bar — is clearly an attempt to distract fans from his own physique by reminding them of a great athlete with an even less impressive body than his own.  It’s kind of the same trick that girls use when they surround themselves with hideously-dressed bridesmaids on their wedding day.

(In the sculpted chest hair battle, it’s already Kimbo: 1, Roy Nelson: 0)

If you were surprised how quickly Dana White changed his attitude about Kimbo Slice once the opportunity for the UFC to make money off the internet-brawler-turned-bread-getter presented itself, then congratulations, you have only just now discovered the sport of MMA, the UFC, and the business of fight promotion.  Welcome, we’re glad to have you.  Those of us who have been following this stuff in general, and Dana White specifically, saw this change of heart coming.

But over at Yahoo! Sports, Kevin Iole seems blown away by what he refers to as a “double standard” in the way the UFC is hyping Kimbo Slice.  Iole criticizes the UFC’s use of Slice for “exhibiting much the same behavior that Elite XC and promoter Gary Shaw were so roundly criticized for,” and also calls out White for giving Kimbo at least one more fight in the UFC after the show concludes, “regardless of the outcome of the show.”

On the surface, this seems like a valid criticism.  White used to say that the only way Kimbo would get in the UFC was to win a season of TUF.  Now it seems like it was enough just to show up.  But there’s still no comparison between how EliteXC pushed Slice and how the UFC is doing it.

(Props: UFC.com)

In about 12 hours (give or take, depending on where you are in the country), Kimbo Slice and Roy Nelson will go toe-to-toe in the most highly anticipated exhibition bout in Ultimate Fighter history. Will the former street brawler prove himself to be "a real fighter," or will big-bellied Roy Nelson stick to the script and chew out a win? (Or both, maybe?) I’m sure you’re all sitting on your hands in unbearable anticipation, but feel free to read this stuff to pass the time until the moment of truth:

— Kimbo Slice may be fighting at UFC 107, not the TUF 10 finale: A possible slip-up during a media conference call suggests that Slice will make his post-TUF debut on the December pay-per-view card in Memphis. Implication: Kimbo loses at some point during the season, but doesn’t embarrass himself, and his television popularity is enough to warrant an appearance on a big show.

What you see here is a video from the Grappler’s Quest IV 8-man absolute division tournament finals.  Roy Nelson got there by beating Frank Mir via points in the first round, then Brandon Vera via kneebar in the semis.  In the finals he met a very pumped up Diego Sanchez, and although Nelson’s cardio begins failing him about halfway through the match, his size and strength advantage helps him toss "The Nightmare" all over the mat, effectively negating Sanchez’s positive mental attitude with sheer burlyness. 

Remember, this was back in 2003.  That’s the same year Kimbo Slice began to get his internet brawl on.  Does it put things in perspective to remember that back when Kimbo was throwing haymakers against nightclub bouncers in somebody’s backyard, "Big Country" was running through a grappling tournament full of UFC fighters, despite getting so exhausted that the expression on his face alone made onlookers want to vomit?  Yeah, probably.  Kimbo may have gotten the equivalent of an online associates degree in grappling via his recent crash courses, but Roy has a goddamn doctorate in this stuff.

Just for the sake of contrast, check out the video after the jump.  If Nelson doesn’t get tomorrow night’s "Ultimate Fighter" match-up to the ground right away, Greg Jackson is going to end up wondering why he even bothers to come up with gameplans for these jokers.

Tekken 6 MMA Boxing Live Action Trailer – Watch more Game Trailers
(Props: Break.com Game Trailers)

Above is the live-action trailer for Tekken 6, which succeeds in being awesome despite the fact that the game itself is only briefly shown at the end. The gist is, fighters from all walks of life — Josh Barnett, Dan Hardy, and Evander Holyfield, among others — discuss what drew them to fighting and why they do it. I guess they’re supposed to represent the different styles and mindsets in the video game, though the montage fails to include boxing kangaroos or a sentient wooden training dummy. There is, however, a Tekken 6 character that’s clearly based on Roy Nelson.

Watch more Asylum videos on AOL Video

According to undefeated Strikeforce heavyweight Brett Rogers in the above video, you can usually tell how a fight is going to go down by the pre-fight faceoff. And so, three brave online editors decided to test their staredown might against the Grim, with decidedly mixed results. First up is cherubic Asylum.com writer Jordan Newmark, who nearly poops his suit-pants when Rogers penetrates deeply into his soul. But in round two, Asylum editor Jake Goodrich holds his ground despite his significant height disadvantage. (Jake was also standing on a milk crate when this was filmed.) And finally, Lemondrop.com editor Laura Gilbert evens the score with a set of Manson lamps that earns Brett’s full respect and discomfort. Also worth watching: Jordan asks Fedor Emelianenko what he really thought of Rocky IV.

(Grabbed from the Spike TV promos. Above, props to "smooshfaceace." Below, props to CagePotato reader Zachary H.)

Could it be over this soon for Big Country? We already know that Kimbo will be fighting in the finale. On a scale of 1-10, how much will you freak out if he shocks the world on Wednesday?

Previously: Why Kimbo Slice Is in Trouble Against Roy Nelson on Next Week’s "Ultimate Fighter"

(Props: MMA Scraps)

We’re less than two months away from the premiere of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights, and it’s hard not to get excited about the first brief shots of Kimbo Slice walking out to the TUF cage and pacing around before a fight, with Rampage Jackson possibly in his corner (see the -00:09 mark). Plus, the fact that Jackson and Rashad Evans will hate each other’s guts from day one could bring back some of the Tito vs. Ken magic of season 3. So far, everybody involved is playing it very close to the vest in regards to how the fights played out this season. But the interview after the jump may suggest that Slice shook off the haters and did, at the very least, aight.

("Yeah, the sushi did taste a little funny. Why do you ask?" Photo courtesy of the Las Vegas Sun.)

Some choice quotes from recent interviews promoting The Ultimate Fighter 10: Heavyweights, which premieres September 16th…

Kimbo Slice on piss-soaked fruit trays: "(If someone pulls a prank on him similar to stunts from past shows) there’s gonna be gun play, but fortunately for them I couldn’t bring my pistol. That’s a whole another level. Silver bracelets (handcuffs) if you feel me."

Kimbo Slice on the possibility of being ejected from the house for fighting: "I’m a fighter, dude. I’m not gonna have a motherfucker disrespect me, in no case whatsoever…I’mma be me and I’m gonna stand my ground to the fullest…I wouldn’t want to get thrown out that way. [But] if that becomes my only fight then god damn we gonna fight."

Roy Nelson on Kimbo Slice: “Ability-wise, he’s probably one of the better fighters there.”

(Judging from the jersey colors, it’ll be Team Black vs. Team Black. Subtle. Photo courtesy of Spike. Click for larger image.)

Spike TV revealed the complete cast of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights this afternoon via press release. Here’s who will be bunkin’ up in the TUF house:

Zak Jensen – standout wrestler at Augsburg College
Marcus Jones – former 1st round NFL draft pick who had a six-year career with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Scott Junk – Division II All-American football player at Southwest Oklahoma State and fought in UFC 76.
James McSweeney – former international kickboxing and Muay Thai champion
John Madsen – defeated Brock Lesnar in a high school wrestling match
Matt Mitrione – played for New York Giants and Minnesota Vikings
Roy Nelson – former IFL Heavyweight Champion
Demico Rogers – high school football and wrestling star
Brendan Schaub – played for Buffalo Bills and Arena Football’s Utah Blaze
Darrill Schoonover – decorated Army veteran
Wes Shivers – former member of the Tennessee Titans and Atlanta Falcons
Wes Sims – fought two heated battles with former UFC champ Frank Mir at UFC 43 and UFC 46
Kimbo Slice – former EliteXC heavyweight contender and YouTube sensation
Abe Wagner – played linebacker at Michigan Tech and has a degree in mechanical engineering
Mike Wessel – UFC veteran and former strength and conditioning coach at University of Arkansas
Justin Wren – All-American high school wrestler

(Okay, so this photo of Bobby might be a little re-touched. Props: TheWrestlingFan.com.)

MMA Junkie has obtained the official payouts from Saturday’s "March Badness" MMA/boxing card in Pensacola, Florida, and it looks like Roy Jones Jr. did alright by his fighters, paying out living wages (for the most part) while still leaving open the possibility that he turned a profit. The numbers are below, if you’re interested…

MMA SALARIES

Jeff Monson: $25,000 (win bonus was $10,000)
def. Roy Nelson: $30,000

Bobby Lashley: $40,000 (win bonus was $10,000; he also received an undisclosed cut of the PPV revenue)
def. Jason Guida: $15,000

Din Thomas: $10,000 (no win bonus)
def. Gabe Lemley: $5,500

Dennis Hallman: $6,000 (win bonus was $3,000)
def. Danny Ruiz: $2,000

James Freeman: $600 (win bonus was $300)
def. John Mowry: $300

BOXING SALARIES

(Bobby Lashley vs. Jason Guida)

MMA matches:
Jeff Monson def. Roy Nelson via unanimous decision (29-28 x 3)
Bobby Lashley def. Jason Guida via unanimous decision (30-27 x3)
Din Thomas def. Gabe Lemley via TKO, 4:13 of round 1
Dennis Hallman def. Danny Ruiz via submission (rear-naked choke), 1:50 of round 1
James Freeman def. John Mowry via KO, 2:38 of round 1

Boxing matches:
Roy Jones Jr. defeated Omar Sheika via TKO, 1:45 of round 5
B.J. Flores def. Jose Luis Herrera via unanimous decision
Eric Clinton def. Richmond Dalphone via unanimous decision
Kieyon Bussey def. Robert DaLuz via majority decision
Kelvin Price def. Kevin Howard via majority decision

Notes…

— The Lashley/Guida bout didn’t live up to the pre-fight trash-talk, and Lashley proved that he’s not quite ready for prime time. The first round was spent mostly in a clinch against the ropes after Guida was able to stuff Lashley’s takedown attempts. The next two rounds saw Lashley on top of Guida and working some ground-and-pound, but Guida never took much damage. In fact, a guillotine choke attempt that Guida put on Lashley in the third round was the closest that the fight came to being finished. It was a moral victory for Guida — though his record now drops to 17-20, while Lash increases to 2-0.

— Roy Nelson got straight-up robbed by the judges. Though Jeff Monson did win the third round via striking exchanges, the first two were controlled by Nelson, who scored takedowns and was able to achieve mount in both rounds. But it seemed that all three judges credited the second frame to Monson due to some knees he threw in the clinch. After the fight, Monson admitted that the fight "could have gone either way," while Nelson immediately stormed off in anger.

— After beating Gabe Lemley with a ferocious punches-and-knee combo that put Lemley out cold, Din Thomas told the crowd that it’s not cool to put hands on a lady, and if Rihanna needs someone to kick Chris Brown’s ass for her, she should holla.

More videos from "March Badness" are after the jump…

(This must be what Bizarro World Ross Clifton looks like.)

Forget about the Ken Shamrock-Tank Abbott bout that you’ve been positively salivating over, because Bloody Elbow says Shamrock will get beaten up by former pro wrestler Bobby Lashley at Roy Jones Jr.’s “March Badness” event in Pensacola, Florida first.  Looks like you’ll have to wait a little longer for your dream fight, MMA fan who is stuck in 1996.

Lashley has only one pro fight so far, which might be reason enough for Shamrock — who is still riding high after his victory over morbidly obese tomato can Ross Clifton — to think he has a chance.

But does he really have a shot?  Of course not.  Lashley may be a newcomer to MMA, but he was a national wrestling champion in college.  In addition to that, he’s also a superb athlete and is not really old, slow, and suffering visible effects from years of beatings.  In other words, he has several crucial advantages over Shamrock.

(Seth Petruzelli: Not exactly a crowd favorite.) 

Former greatest pound-for-pound boxer in the world Roy Jones Jr. is testing the waters of MMA promotion with a hybrid boxing/MMA card to be held March 21st in Pensacola, Florida. Jones’s company Square Ring Promotions, Inc. is hosting "March Badness" at the Pensacola Civic Center, featuring RJJ himself boxing in the main event against Palestinian-American journeyman Omar Sheika. Jones, who has held titles in four different weight classes during his career, is coming off a high-profile decision loss to Joe Calzaghe in November. Of greater interest to MMA fans is the event’s supporting card, which will feature three fairly compelling MMA matches.

Seth Petruzelli, the flamingly heterosexual UFC vet who jabbed-out Kimbo Slice at EliteXC: Heat in October then accidentally admitted he was bribed to keep the fight standing, will be facing Doug "Rhino" Marshall, the former WEC light-heavyweight champion who lost his belt to Brian Stann last March. Also on the card, WWE-superstar-turned-MMA-prospect Bobby Lashley, who scored a 41-second TKO over rookie Joshua Franklin during his MMA debut in December, will take on a heavyweight opponent to be named later. And legal problems notwithstanding, Jeff Monson has been booked to fight former IFL champ Roy Nelson, who was most recently knocked out by Andrei Arlovski at EliteXC: Heat.

The whole shebang will be available on pay-per-view.

Andrei Arlovski vs. Roy Nelson – Watch more free videos

I have to say this for AOL Fanhouse’s Michael David Smith, when he sinks his teeth into something he doesn’t let go until he gets what he wants. While the rest of us have been stuck on this Seth Petruzelli situation, he was focused on a different aspect of Saturday’s EliteXC event. Seems that the odd stand-up in the Andrei Arlovski-Roy Nelson bout (see above, the stand-up comes at around the 4:27 mark) bothered Smith. So he kept after referee Jorge Ortiz until he got an answer:

“When I’m working a fight, they’re told in the locker room before the fight to keep working, continue the action moving,” Ortiz said. “Nelson did attempt the kimura. When he lost the kimura, at that point they had spent a good part of the round on the ground and I felt there wasn’t a reasonable attempt at a submission, at a finish. At that point I decided: Let’s get them up. Let’s see if he can improve the position, because in my opinion there wasn’t a reasonable attempt at finishing the fight.”

“In my opinion he wasn’t active enough,” Ortiz said. “I thought he needed to be more aggressive on the ground to attempt to finish the fight, and when I feel the action is at a point where it’s stale and it’s not going anywhere, at that point is where I decide to change it up and get something going here.”

Of course, what he “got going” was a stand-up fight that was most definitely more in Arlovski’s favor than Nelson’s. That’s not to say that Nelson would have won without the stand-up, but he had achieved a dominant position on the mat with plenty of time left in the round.

“Big Country”, as you might imagine, was also none too pleased with the stand-up when I called him earlier this week to ask what he was thinking when Ortiz brought the fighters back to their feet.

(At least some people still do work for their half a mill, son.)

Before his bout with Andrei Arlovski on Saturday night, Roy Nelson said he wasn’t completely sure who was signing his check. Now we not only know it was Affliction, but we also know that “Big Country” and Arlovski made a combined $580,000 to represent the clotheir-turned-promoter on CBS. The bulk of that money — $500,000 with no win bonus — went to Arlovski for his impressive knockout victory. Even for Affliction, who likes throwing around money almost as much as they love skulls and chains, that’s a hefty price to pay to put one fight on someone else’s show. So was it worth it?

Aside from the exposure for their fighters, Affliction got their ban lifted long enough to throw their logos on the cage and get a few commercials in during the broadcast. As MMA Payout pointed out, that might say more about CBS’ ad sales for this show than it does for Affliction’s arrangement with Elite XC, but either way now there are a few million more people in the world who know about the Andrei Arlovski signature t-shirt line, and every little bit helps.

There’s also the matter of the aggressively vague “Fedor Will Return” ads (was anyone else reminded of the “Gabbo is coming!” ads from The Simpsons?). Beyond heaping more indignity on Tim Sylvia’s loss by pointing out that almost the entire fight can fit in one network TV spot, it does help get the word out to casual fight fans. The only problem is that when you don’t have a date or event to hype, you have to wonder what that’s really worth.

Affliction had a great opportunity with those ads to really advance public knowledge of their MMA organization. Instead they hyped their shirts and failed to tell us when and how we could pay them money to see their marquee fighter perform. I suppose you have to know that information yourself before you can pass it on to others, but isn’t that just one more reason for them to get moving on this January event?

Now we know why Kimbo Slice didn’t seem too bothered by his fourteen-second loss at Elite XC: Heat. Turns out he made half a million dollars for his brief night of work. That works out to $35,714.29 per second of cage time for Kimbo, which is an even better per second salary than Tim Sylvia received for his thirty-six-second loss to Fedor Emelianenko ($22,222.22, in case you’re curious).

It’s an especially impressive take when you consider that the live gate from Elite XC’s Ft. Lauderdale show was only $826,000. The only other fighter on the night to match Kimbo’s total was Andrei Arlovski, who was also paid $500,000 for his victory over Roy Nelson, though Affliction picked up the tab for both of them.

The full disclosed payout from Elite XC: Heat looks like this:

Kimbo Slice: $500,000
Seth Petruzelli: $50,000 (including a $15,000 win bonus)
Jake Shields: $50,000 (including $10,000 win bonus)
Paul Daley: $12,000
Andrei Arlvoski: $500,000
Roy Nelson: $80,000
Gina Carano: $25,000 (including $10,000 win bonus)
Kelly Kobald: $6,000
Benji Radach: $30,000 (including $15,000 win bonus)
“Ninja” Rua: $35,000

Elite XC’s Jared Shaw takes a little shot at yours truly in this MMA Rated interview, calling me Ben “UFC” Fowlkes, which I suppose is an implication that I’m pro-UFC and anti-Elite XC, although I like to think that my record as an equal opportunity critic speaks for itself. If an organization does dumb things, it’s my job to point it out. If one organization does more dumb things than others, they’re going to receive more criticism. That’s just how it works. If it makes me a hater, I can live with that. But since when do we all have to like everything?

$kala says he just wants some love for his fighters, not himself. Fair enough, Jared. You do have some good fighters in your organization. Guys like Jake Shields, Robbie Lawler, Wilson Reis, Nick Diaz, and “Ninja” Rua, just to name a few. These are all fighters that I enjoy watching. But your fighters aren’t what you’ve been criticized for, and I think you know it.

Let’s take the event you’ve got this Saturday, for example. On the undercard you’ve got a few interesting scraps between guys like Paul Daley and Jake Shields, Benji Radach and “Ninja” Rua, and a sweet little co-promotional joint between Affliction fighters Andrei Arlovski and Roy Nelson (nice work scoring that, by the way, whether you had anything to do with it or not).

But your main event features a 3-0 fighter in Kimbo Slice, who has yet to face an opponent coming off a win, taking on a forty-four-year-old legend of the sport who hasn’t won a fight or even made it out of the first round in over four years. And that’s your main event.

(Different crumpled body, same end result on Saturday night?)

It’s Friday, there’s an event tomorrow (which we’ll be liveblogging, of course), and questions abound as to Elite XC’s long term viability and Ken Shamrock’s short term punchability, so that means one thing…it’s Ben vs. Ben time. In this edition, we talk Kimbo Slice, underdogs, co-promotions, and other stuff. We argue, we call each other names, we reconcile, we hug (just playin’, we don’t hug…anyone…ever), and in the end we arrive at few, if any, conclusions. But it’s about the journey, man. Not the destination. So without further ado…

Assuming we agree that Kimbo Slice will be victorious over Ken Shamrock, how and when will it happen? What’s next for Ferg?

Fowlkes: If this were five years ago I’d take Shamrock over this strange Kimbo character and I wouldn’t think twice about it. But it’s not five years ago, alas, so Shamrock is in for yet another disappointing performance in a career that has seen too many of them lately.

In his more lucid moments, Shamrock knows he needs to get this to the ground in a hurry. He should also know that his forty-four-year-old legs don’t have too many explosive shots left in them, so he has to be smart and make his takedown attempts count. That’s why he’ll try and trap Kimbo against the cage in a clinch and look for a throw or leg sweep – something that won’t sap too much precious energy. Kimbo will circle away from him and tee off. Shamrock will try again with similar results, but eventually a punch will clip him and he’ll go down. Then the ref will step in and Shamrock will be protesting the stoppage before he’s even back on his feet. It won’t get out of the first round or even past the four-minute mark. Thank you, Florida, and good night.

This fight will prove nothing for Kimbo’s credibility. Even Elite XC has to see that. After this they’ll load up for one big pay-per-view with Kimbo vs. Brett Rogers as the main event, figuring it’s time to go all-in. They have no choice. Antonio Silva is dealing with his steroid charges, Justin Eilers is damaged goods, and Sean Gannon wants too much money. Rogers is the only guy people will pay to see Kimbo fight. If Elite XC is smart they’ll realize they can leverage Kimbo’s stardom into a big push for Rogers, who might actually have the skills to justify the hype in the long run.

Goldstein: Dude, Ken hasn’t made it to the four-minute mark in a fight since 2002, and he’s not about to start now. I’m going to bring your estimate down 90 seconds and say The Miami Pound Machine finishes The World’s Most Glassiest Chin within the first 2:30. It’ll start with Kimbo knocking Shamrock down after about a minute-and-a-half. (No more than one shot will be attempted by Ken during that time.) The ref won’t stop it right away. Kimbo will get on top of Shamrock and punch him out on the ground. People will say “wooooo!” And the broadcast will immediately end because they’ll already be over their timeslot by like a half-hour.